JC and the Actor, Chapter 15, Copyright 2003
The following story is entirely a work of fiction. It is not meant to imply anything about the sexuality or the personal lives of the members of NSYNC, or any other celebrities mentioned. If you are underage, or if it is illegal to read sexually explicit gay material where you live, don't read this.
Email me with your comments, questions or suggestions; I love hearing from all of you...mzbryan2003@yahoo.com
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Chapter 15
Two weeks turned into three, and soon it had been a month since I last saw JC. We talked almost every day, but I found myself unable to picture the finer points of his face. Like everyone else, I was only seeing him in magazines and, occasionally, on television.
I had a boyfriend but I felt alone. My close friends knew who I was dating, JC told me that he didn't want me to keep secrets for him. But to my acquaintances I was simply seeing someone who lived on the other coast. JC himself had not been in Los Angeles since I left at the end of May. The group visited different radio and television stations throughout the country, and was now in Europe, fueling the fire for the gigantic European tour that they were planning. According to JC, the tour would be starting in the beginning of July, but as was typical with NSYNC, dates and times changed almost daily.
I understood why we couldn't be together, but it didn't make my desire to be with him any less. He was supposed to have stopped over in New York before leaving for London, but plans changed and the guys ended up flying directly out of Florida.
"Hey sexy," he whispered into the phone late one night a couple of weeks ago. "What'cha wearing?"
"Josh, I'm not going to have phone sex with you." I was exhausted at the time because in addition to doing the play, we were also rehearsing with Liz's replacement, Stockard Channing.
"Good," he sighed. "I'm too tired to put my hand down my pants."
The play was sold-out every night, and it was an amazing feeling to be back on the stage. Although I had only been in Los Angeles for a week, it felt like it had been much longer. Stockard took on Liz'a role with a vengeance, and the two of us were able to respond to one another as actors in a way Liz and I never did. Her reviews were also noticeably friendlier than Liz's had been, and the critics noted how she embodied the character in such a short time.
Despite being miserable that I was alone again, I was happy to be back in my apartment, in my own bed, with my own things around me. There was no gym, no guest room and no hi-tech surveillance equipment. I was finally able to relax.
One Wednesday night I got a call from Allen telling me that I had to fly back out to LA for the coming weekend. They wanted to see what I looked like on camera, and they wanted to start planning the film's wardrobe.
"They're going to let me where clothes?" I joked.
"Apparently," he joked back. Given that my character in the film spends much of his time running through the jungle either shirtless or in torn clothing, I had started increasing my gym time, wanting every line of my body to be sharply defined. I had also started visiting the Bronx Zoo every other day, where a primatologist would teach me about chimpanzees and teach me how to interact with them. It was funny, but as time wore on without seeing JC, I found myself looking more forward to hanging out with the chimps than with people. I guess I was starting to understand the character I would be playing.
I met with Larry Ridgecliff over the weekend and he wanted to introduce me to the other actors who were going to be in the film. For some reason I wasn't really in the mood for meeting anyone so I told him that, since my character was basically an outsider, it would be better for the film if I didn't get comfortable around them until we started filming. He liked my "method" approach, and was content to let me leave after the wardrobe fittings.
I spent the weekend in LA at a hotel, not wanting to be anyone's houseguest. I drove by JC's house one evening, just to look at it. I parked in front of it for a while, and laughed to myself wondering how many good-looking twenty-six year old gay guys would spend a weekend in a hotel, ordering room service and just driving around the city. My upset at not being able to be with the man I love was obviously deteriorating the rest of my personality.
"Too much time is passing, Josh!" I yelled into the phone, a few days later, back in New York.
"I know," he said. "But what am I supposed to do?"
"Josh, when I said we were going to have to work at this, I meant it. It's been a month!"
"Nate, I'm working, don't you think I'd rather be there with you?"
"Would you?" I asked with a sarcastic tone.
"Nate, I'm exhausted, we sleep like three hours a night on a plane or a bus."
"We do this show six days a week," I countered. Okay, it was five. "I can't fly to Europe."
"And I can fly there? You think I'm partying out here?"
"It's been over a month!" I yelled.
"Wait a minute, aren't you taking off for parts unknown for three months pretty soon? Are you planning on backing out of the film so that we can be together?"
"Josh, that's a few months from now, we just started dating and we're already apart." I though for a moment. "And I'm just starting my career."
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked. He was sounding as irritated as I was.
"It means that I thought you would be a little more in control of what you do at this point in your career Josh. If not, what's it all for?"
"We have to do this stuff, Nate, it's part of the deal. It's how I earn my living."
"Well, I sure don't want to be the person responsible for you having $150 million in the bank instead of $160."
"Nate, this conversation is pointless. We've both been working very hard and..."
"We just never should have started this, should we have?" I interrupted.
I could hear JC breathing. "You know, this is already the second time you've tried to call it off between us. It really scares me how you can say these things so quickly." He paused. "That Mark guy must have really done a job on you."
JC's cutting words only reminded me of what an innocent he was, and I felt guilty for bringing out a nasty side to him. I couldn't remember being this hot-tempered at other points in my life, but I also didn't remember ever feeling before like I had something to lose.
There was silence for a few moments. Finally he inhaled and said shortly, "Do you want me to come to New York this weekend?"
"Yes," I said, softly.
"Fine." He hung up the phone. I felt guilty. Happy, but guilty.
Friday morning. Maggie and I were sitting at an outdoor café, drinking orange juice, waiting for our omelets to arrive.
"Why are you in such a shitty mood all the time?" she finally asked. I realized that I had hardly said anything all morning. I looked up at her and shrugged.
"I don't know," I said. "I guess I just thought this would be more fun." I twirled my fork around in my hand.
"You mean dating JC? You want to break up with him?"
"No," I answered immediately. "Not at all. I'm crazy about him. It's just that I start wondering what the point is of having something so great if you never get to see it or have it. Wouldn't it be better just to not have it?"
"Natty, you can't go back to where you started from. I remember a couple months ago telling you to just let life happen. Nothing is ever going to work out if you dissect it to death."
"I don't know if either of us is ever going to be willing to give up something for the other. Isn't that an essential part of a relationship?"
Maggie shook her head. "It is for a lot of people, but it doesn't have to be for you guys. If you're both so driven, but also so in love, then you have to accept that that is what your relationship is. It doesn't have to be like everyone else's."
"You're right," I said. I paused. "Do you think that subconsciously I haven't gotten over Mark?"
"Ugh," she said, rolling her eyes. "You are such an egomaniac. I think you're pissed that someone actually didn't want you."
"Ouch," I said, smiling. She didn't say it with a mean tone.
"Your arms look great, by the way," she said, clasping her hands together as the waitress came over with our food.
I opened up the door and JC stepped in. He said he was coming and he did. He said hello to me, gave me a quick chaste kiss and walked into the living room. He flung his bag onto the floor and collapsed into one of the armchairs. He rested his head back, staring up at the ceiling.
"That was quite an entrance," I called to him. I was still standing by the door.
"The plane was stuck on the runway for three hours before we could take off," he said.
That sucks," I said, walking toward him.
"But I'm here," he said with a sarcastic smile. He was still pissed.
"Maybe you should have just stayed," I said, and walked into the kitchen.
A few minutes later he pushed through the swinging door and walked straight up to me. I had to admit that his aggravated state made him seem a bit more masculine. I kind of liked it.
"Are we going to have one of these really volatile, annoying relationships?" he asked very matter-of-factly. "Because I don't think that's what either of us want."
I looked back at him. I was so happy to see him, though I couldn't tell him that at the moment. "That's not what I want," I answered. "But you also cant make your job out to be more important than it is, or more important than mine."
"I don't!" he said in exasperation. I looked at him and slowly blinked my eyes. "I won't," he said. I smiled at him briefly and he asked if we were now ok. I told him that we were.
"It's good to see you," I said, poking him in the stomach with my index finger. He slumped back against the counter and lowered his head.
"Jeez," he started. "I'm just so sick of everything."
"What do you mean?" I asked him. I had started taking dishes out of the dishwasher.
"Just everything. Traveling all over the place, people all over the place...I mean, I'm barely sociable to begin with! I can't take being hounded anymore. The fans, the radio people, the managers, it's just, ugghhhhhh!"
"Ok," I said, walking over to him, hoping to calm him down. "Let's not crack up right now." I knew what he was talking about though. Even if you were doing the things that most people only dreamed about, monotony was still terrible. I guess I was feeling the same way.
"We'll have a calm weekend," I said, pressing my cheek up against his.
"Yeah," he said sarcastically. "In New York, sure, no one is going to recognize me here."
I got an idea when he said that. I put my hands on his shoulders and brought my face directly up to his, so that our noses were touching.
"You really need a break, don't you?" I asked, bringing my lips closer to his.
"Yes," he sighed. I felt his hands reach around my waist and new that he was glad to see me.
"Do you want to get out of here? See what a simpler kind of life is like?" I barely brushed my lips against his.
"Yes," he sighed again. He leaned forward and pushed his lips against mine, parting them and slipping his tongue in. All at once I remembered everything about him, the way he felt, smelled and tasted. His grip around me tightened, and it took all of my willpower not to give in to his rising passion. But alas, we had places to go. I pulled away from him.
"Well, if you want to go, let's go." I headed out of the kitchen and he followed. I told him that I would be right back. He looked as though he was going to ask me where I was going, but he then simply nodded and walked over toward the couch. I ran out the door, happy that my man was back.
"It's a rental car, what do you want from me?" I laughed in response to JC jokingly admiring the quality of the gray, cloth seats.
"We might get there faster if we just get on skateboards," he joked.
"Look, you wanted to be anonymous didn't you? Do you really think anyone is going to suspect that JC Chasez is driving up the New England Thruway in an old Ford Focus?"
"Do you think your parents will like me?" he asked innocently.
"No," I said, trying to sound as serious as possible.
"This is going to be cool," he said, suddenly looking very enthusiastic.
"Yeah, tell me how cool you think it is when you have to wake up at 6:30 tomorrow to go milk the cows."
"Are you serious?" he asked.
"Of course I'm serious," I answered. We had just left Connecticut and were now driving through Massachusetts.
"I thought you were just kidding about there being cows."
"No Josh, there really are cows. It's a real working farm."
"I thought your dad was a lawyer." He sounded almost scared.
"He is," I laughed. He doesn't do the farming, he hires people to do it."
"So you've really milked the cows?" he asked.
"I'm going to milk you if you don't stop talking about the cows, Josh." He raised his eyebrows when I said that, and pretended to be unzipping his pants. "Hey," I said. "Keep the snake in its cage."
"Ok," he said, pretending to be upset. "I guess we can play with it later."
"No we can't," I said. "We're going to be in my parents' house."
JC looked at me in disbelief. "You mean to tell me that we're not going to be having sex this weekend?"
"I'm afraid not," I answered simply.
"Yeah," JC said. "Ok." He started chuckling to himself and laid his head back on the headrest. "We'll have to see about that."
We pulled into the driveway, and laughed when we heard the car wretch as I put it in park.
"I can't believe we made it here alive," JC said, climbing out of the car. He walked toward the trunk, but stopped when he finally had a good look at the house. "Whoa Nate, you never told me you were rich!"
I looked over at him and waved him off. "Oh come on, you've seen bigger."
"Nate, it's huge."
"It's two hundred years old. For the money my parents spend restoring and maintaining it, they probably could have re-bought it three times!"
It was a large house. It was white, a two-story, colonial-style farmhouse situated on two hundred acres of rich, grazing land. The house had a porch that extended the full length of the front of the house. I saw the front door open and my mom stepped out, waving to us. Instinctively I ran over to her, hugging her close to me. It had been several months if not a year since I had been home.
"Nathaniel," she said, looking me up and down to see if anything drastic had changed about me. "You left Joshua with all the bags." I looked over to see JC walking toward us, both of our bags in his hands.
"Sorry," I said, rushing over to take one from him.
"No problem," he said. "I'm close to my mom too."
I brought JC over to her and introduced them to each other.
"Well, I guess I'm seeing where Nate gets his looks from," he said after my mom finished hugging him.
"She is beautiful, isn't she?" I said. JC nodded admiringly.
"Well thank you," my mom said. "Isn't this nice? The pop star and the movie star, all under one roof." My mom had been nothing short of ecstatic when I told her about the movie. I doubted there was a person in town who didn't know about it by now.
"You have a beautiful home Mrs. Murray," JC said, admiring the carved posts on the porch.
"Call me Helen," she said.
We headed inside and I was greeted by all the familiar sights and smells of my childhood home. My mother had spent an unbelievable amount of time decorating and researching in order to make the furnishings of the home exactly replicate how they would have looked in the late 1800s when the house was built. A tall staircase stood in the foyer, leading up to the bedrooms, as well as an extra sitting room and office. JC's head was turning in all directions as he tried to take it all in.
"If I'm not mistaken, you have an interest in architecture, don't you Joshua?" my mom asked.
"Yes," he answered. "When I was still in school I thought I was going to become an architect. Wait a minute." He stopped and looked at me, smiling. "Somebody's been talking about me." I rolled my eyes at him.
"Don't flatter yourself," I kidded.
"Actually," my mom continued. "I've known little tidbits about you for many years."
"Mom," I started, not wanting her to go on.
"You see, when Nathaniel would come home, he would often play the NSYNC cd's when we were in the car, or just hanging around the house, and he loved to tell me all the little pieces of information he learned about you while we listened to them."
"Really?" JC asked, suddenly very amused.
I could feel my face getting hot and almost certainly turning red. "This is so embarrassing," I said, lowering my head to stare at the floor.
"Oh come on Nathaniel," my mom laughed. "How were you supposed to know you'd end up dating your celebrity crush? Honestly Joshua, if you only knew how many lectures I've gotten about how you're such a better singer and dancer than Justin, and how you're the glue that holds your band together."
"How many times?" JC laughed.
"I'm going to bring the bags upstairs," I said, turning to walk up the stairs without looking at either of them.
"Wait, I'll help you," JC said, following behind me.
I brought him down the hallway and into my bedroom. It hadn't changed much since I moved away to college. I had never spent that much time here ever since.
"Wow, a four poster-bed!" JC said, plopping himself down on it. The wooden boards creaked loudly and he jumped off of it. "Is it alive?"
"No, just old. You will find that authenticity takes the place of comfort in this house."
"Jeez, how did you beat off in this thing?"
"Very slowly."
"So," JC said, coming over to me and wrapping his arms around my waist. "Sounds like you are quite the fan." He smiled at me, staring into my eyes and making me feel embarrassed all over again.
"I used to be," I answered, pulling away.
"Do I get to sleep in here?" he asked, deciding to stop teasing me.
"Yeah, it's not a problem. My parents aren't naïve enough to think that I haven't slept with you. And it's not like we can get married and make it official."
"In that case," he said, grabbing me by the shoulders and throwing me down onto the bed. "It's time to welcome me to New Hampshire." He laid on top of me and started kissing me. I wanted to stop him and tell him that we were going to make too much noise, but feeling the weight of him on top of me was too much to give up. I kissed him back, thinking about how long it had been since we had slept together. His hands were moving down my body when I heard something from downstairs. My eyes widened and I told JC to stop.
"What?" I called out.
"Dinner will be ready in ten minutes," my mom repeated.
I propped myself up on my elbows as JC rolled off of me. "Great," I said.
"Your father just pulled up," my mom continued. "He said that he can't wait to see you."
"Even greater," I said under my breath, rolling my eyes.
"What's that about?" JC asked, noticing my mild displeasure. "Do you have a problem with your father?"
"Kind of," I said, looking into his clear blue eyes and wishing we could just stay up here for a while.
"What is it?" he asked.
"He has Edward with him," my mom called. "We had invited him for dinner before we knew you were coming."
I sat up, as did JC. "That's the problem," I said. I stood up and walked over to the window.
"Edward is the problem? Who is Edward?"
I turned around to face him, not quite sure how to answer him. "Edward, hmmm... Edward is, well...um...I guess...he's kind of...my brother."
To be continued