Copyright 2002.
a) The following story is a work of fiction, and the rights of this series belong to its author.
b) If you are breaking one or more of your local laws by reading this, don't read any further! And,
c) It's been far too long since I last wrote anything, but the story still has more to add to it, as I discovered recently. Hope you continue to enjoy this series, or if this is the first time you've read it, make sure you locate it's companion story 'Eric's Song' in the Nifty Archives college section. That way you get the entire story from both Zach and Eric's points of view.
Chapter 14. Family Ties--
Eric was moping around the cafe, absently swiping at tables with a towel after closing and looking as though his mind was a thousand miles away. I was certain it was really his heart that was absent, maybe 1200 miles or so to where Chris was attending school in Boston. Chris had made the last month or so of summer for Eric memorable, and I knew I wasn't going to forget the goofy looks that had passed back and forth as the two of after they finally got together. When Chris left for the fall semester, Eric had looked like a wounded puppy, and even Kara had gone out of her way to be kind to him and keep her comments to a minimum.
"I told you so." It came from under her breath and out of earshot of Eric.
I whispered back. "Kara, you and I both know that Chris was the best thing that ever happened to Eric."
"And the worst. He got his hopes up and left him hanging."
"But, he also gave him hope-that there was somebody who liked him, too-and still does." I leaned in closer, and gave her a dirty look. "He's learning a lot about life, and about love, and maybe how to deal with both. With any luck, he'll come out a better person for it."
"Pfft. You're such a romantic. He'll be lucky if he ever gets over this."
"Well, maybe he's not the only one. . ." I gave her a pointed look and turned my back. I knew she was bitter over how her ex had treated her, but she had coped by giving her love to her son and ignoring men in general. She was definitely strong-willed and highly opinionated on most subjects, but I was secretly hoping someone would come along and change that. It wouldn't be easy, though.
Jase was out with our 'other' Chris, Kara's son, but most of our crew was still there-myself, Kara, Eric, Sam, and Jesse-cleaning up and setting things in order for the following day. Jesse was laughing and talking to Eric as they set up the tables and wiped them down; she was one of those people who went through life with a cheerful attitude that tended to rub off on those around her. She and Sam were an item these days, and together they tried to keep Eric from becoming too solitary by dragging him out to the clubs on the occasional night when he was free to go. Eric's attitude had changed a lot since the end of summer, and it was a hard thing to see him so preoccupied.
I waved at Jesse and Sam and went outside to help Eric finish sweeping and put the last of the covers over the patio tables and chairs. He smiled, but didn't say anything as we worked side by side. After we were done, and I had twined a few loose strands of ivy back into the tight weave that covered the fence around the patio, he stopped to watch and leaned a little on his broom.
"I'm not really pressed for time today Zach, you want help watering?"
It was a nice offer, and something we had started doing before Chris and Jase took up his time. I hadn't minded though, I liked to see them all together doing the things guys typically like to do. When he stayed to help me, it usually meant he wanted to talk about something, but not always. There were a few occasions when we had spoken very little, and just enjoyed each other's company.
Eric left through the kitchen and I went upstairs, pausing to feed Pugsley when he threatened to trip me in the kitchen. Stopping by my room, I tossed my shirt and pants on the couch in exchange for shorts and sandals. The weather when I reached the roof was one of those late summer days in Florida, with a light breeze and only a moderate haze in the air. I picked up the hose and started watering. For some reason, the weather made me think back to Friday afternoons and boring classes, sitting and staring out the window at the university stadium, and thinking of how the following game day would change the face of the campus. I had had some of the best times of my life at college, especially after I met Jase, and still got a pang when I realized those days were behind me. Closing my eyes, I could remember the thrill of the packed stadium-block seating with friends, and the roaring, howling voice in which we all came together in support of our school. Hot afternoons, and laughing guys without shirts playing at intramurals and giving each other high fives as they passed. My life had changed irrevocably at graduation, even though I hadn't realized it at the time; responsibility and commitment had changed me in ways I was still learning to appreciate. I had Jase, whom I loved dearly, and a nephew who made me remember how much fun it was to just be a kid. There was my sister, who probably had more inner strength than any person I knew, and there were all the people who came to enjoy the cafe and share a little piece of their life with us. It was home, and family, and there was no doubt in my mind as to where I belonged.
Without warning, two strong arms grabbed me around the middle and tried to lift me off my feet while I was busy daydreaming. Eric actually lifted me a couple of inches before I used the hose to my advantage. He spluttered and let me go, laughing and pulling off his shirt in order to dry off-the gold chain with its tiny medallion hanging from his neck danced, glittering in the sunlight as he wiped himself down.
"You didn't have to soak me Zach, I wasn't trying to jump you."
"A girl can't be too careful." I held the spray nozzle in front of me and pointed it in his direction. "Or me."
"Even if I liked girls, picking them up like that wouldn't mean I was trying to jump them." He smiled mischievously. "Although, come to think of it-if you were wearing any less clothing. . ." He gave me a exaggerated once over and tucked his shirt into the front of his pants. "It's embarrassing what happens when I think about you too much."
"I've still got the hose pointed at you, don't make me use it." While he was distracted, I changed subjects. "Another nice day out, don't you think?" Eric was cheerful, and, for the moment at least, was thinking of something besides Chris. He came over and started taking down the hanging baskets so I could water them. I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he stopped to play with Pugsley, who had come to join us on the roof in a game of hide and seek amongst the pots.
"Zach, why do you grow all these plants? It seems like a lot of work." Eric was on hands and knees, grabbing at and being swatted by the cat, each on opposite sides of a large planter.
I thought for a minute. "Well, I like how they look, and I like watching them grow, and thrive. They give me shade when I'm on the swing, and they flower, sometimes when I least expect it. All in all, they make the roof seem a lot less like a roof. I mean, look around." I waved at the air conditioners and air vents slowly rusting away onto the gravel and tar surrounding the arbor and the swing. "They make the roof into a place I want to go, instead of so much wasted space. And, in a way, it also reminds me of Jase. I can't do any of this without thinking of him and how much he means to me."
"Oh." The cat scored a hit, and Eric pulled back his hand to suck at the scratches. "Chris gave me this, it makes me think of our first time together." He reached for his chain and rubbed the Saint Christopher medal between his thumb and middle finger while staring absently at nothing. Our moment of cheerfulness had just come to an end.
"How's he doing this week?"
"He's fine. Busy. But he says he'll be home for Thanksgiving and we'll see as much of each other as we can. Gram and I are invited to his house for dinner, and he also said to tell you guys you're invited if you don't have plans." He smiled, but the smile only flickered across his eyes.
"I know you miss him a lot." It was a statement, but also a question; knowing Eric, I also knew he kept a lot of problems to himself and needed someone to open the door for him occasionally. It worked.
"God, Zach-I knew that night on the boat when he told me how he felt that he would be leaving. We even talked about it before we, um. . .I just. . .love him, you know?" Eric looked down at the cat, who had climbed into his lap as he sat cross-legged on the roof and was purring in anticipation of some attention.
"He's a really nice guy, and you two fit really well together. And, I think it's nice that you and your grandmother are going over there for the holiday-have you talked about him with her?" I squatted and picked at the loose gravel between my feet. "I mean, she's ok with Jase and I, and it's obvious how you two feel about each other when you're together."
He looked a little more anxious. "But that's just it-she hasn't really seen us together. Everything we did, we did someplace else. I mean, what if Chris hadn't been out to his parents and they didn't approve, and he was just as scared as I am? None of this might have ever happened, and I'd still be. . ."
"You'd still have us. And somehow, I'm willing to bet that it won't come as either a big surprise or disappointment to your grandmother. Think about it, Eric-what could be better than having her appreciate Chris for what he means to you?"
"I don't know. I mean, you and Jase aren't her only grandson. And, of course she likes you, you guys are great." From the sound of his voice, I was touching a nerve.
"But we're no different than you or Chris. We're just. . .further down the road, so to speak."
"You make it sound so simple, Zach." He stopped worrying the chain around his neck and stood up, displacing the cat; who, unperturbed, came over to me and let me pick him up.
"Sorry." I sighed, not knowing exactly what to say. "I just think what you and Chris started is worth continuing, that's all. I saw how happy you guys were this summer."
"Yeah, we were." Eric crossed his arms, and looked at me. "I suppose I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving, but it won't last very long, and he'll just have to leave again." He sighed too. "And there's no telling what's going to happen when my grandmother meets Chris's folks." Another heavy sigh. "My life sucks, Zach. I want to be with him, but another part of me is scared about the future. I was just getting used to being out to you guys, and now there's all of this to deal with."
I grinned. "Someday I'll have to tell you how my mom took the news. Over time we've narrowed it down to a few points where we could only agree to disagree, but it could have been worse-and, I learned a lot about standing my ground. I'm pretty sure that when the time comes to tell your grandmother, it won't be anything like that."
"Hmph." He looked doubtful, but I had faith in him. He really was a good kid, and I knew from my own experience it was possible for him to end up just as happy as I found myself. I knew he was just starting to learn what it was like to be with someone, and the summer hadn't lasted nearly long enough. His main problem was just his age, and it hadn't been that long since I was in his shoes. Luckily for me, I had met and developed a relationship with Jase away from home and in an environment where I was free to be myself. Jase had staunchly defended me from the beginning, unfazed by either jeering students or by the united front my parents presented. Kara, too-she and mom didn't see eye to eye on single parenthood, and she had happily added my cause to hers when I needed her. Most of that was in the past now, and Jase and I were still together and things were going well. A lot of the dire consequences predicted for us had never come to pass, and people were generally accepting once they got to know us better.
I scratched Pugsley's head with my fingers, kissing his ears and watching the runoff from the hose flow past my feet. It was creating small puddles as it went, following the pull of gravity and seeking for ways around the small rocks and trash blocking its way. I followed the path the water seemed to be taking, moving the occasional obstacle with my toe and watching to see the effect it had. It took a minute, but finally the flow of water reached the drain at the edge of the roof and passed out of sight. I hadn't really done much, but I could see at least one place along the path the water had followed where my efforts had made a difference. I turned away from the wall, satisfied, as the cat jumped from my arms and crouched at the edge to drink.
"Fsst, you." I clapped my hands in his direction, not wanting him to drink there when he could drink cleaner water directly from the hose. I tried nudging him in that direction with a foot, and nearly got him there; at the last minute he swerved and ran for the door and freedom. I laughed at his sudden, predictable contrariness and drank from the hose myself.
"Zach?"
Eric was sitting on the swing, rocking it gently and staring off towards the horizon. I picked the hose up and tugged it towards the swing and the remaining thirsty plants, pausing to splash myself a little to cool down. The water felt good running down my chest and legs, and it squished around in my sandals as I moved.
"Yeah?"
"Do you think I should tell my grandmother before Thanksgiving?"
I sat down next to him and looked him in the eye. "Yes, I do."
"I don't know how, Zach." He stared intensely at a point between his feet, his brow creased in a worried frown. "I can't just walk in the front door and tell her I'm gay. She'd probably have a heart attack."
"Well, do the two of you ever sit and talk when you're home?"
He shrugged. "Sometimes. Mostly I hang out in my room."
"Ok, well how about hanging out more with her, and when it feels right-just tell her you have something important you want to talk about. Be honest, and tell her how you feel about Chris."
"You mean don't tell her. . .?"
"Well, assuming that she pays any attention to you whatsoever, I think that part will be obvious."
I smiled, thinking of how my mom had just patted my leg and told me I wasn't gay, I just thought I was. It was at that point that I suddenly realized for the first time that I was an adult, and responsible for my own decisions. Once I had convinced her that I was serious, the arguments began and have remained to this day-but, I started living my own life. It was worth it to know I made the right decision for myself, and for Jase too.
"So just tell her I'm in love?"
"You want her to know, don't you?"
He smiled shyly, and picked at a thumbnail. "Yeah, I do-I want to tell her about him, and me, and not have to hide stuff all the time. I'm so tired of pretending, and. . .and hiding things."
I put my arm around his shoulder, knowing exactly what he felt from my own experiences in the past. He leaned into me a little, and I felt him sigh.
"Jeez, Zach, I miss him so much. . .I wish he was here already."
"I know you do, and I wish there was something I could do to help. I'm afraid all I have is advice, and it might not always be helpful."
He turned to look at me, and his eyes were very large and brown as he spoke. "It's not the advice, Zach-I just know you care, that's all. It means a lot to me." He smiled, and his worried look melted away as fast as it had arrived. "I think the world of you, you know I do. You and Jase both."
"We like you too, Eric-and we want to see you happy."
"Well, maybe when Chris gets here." He grinned really big, then spun around in the swing and lay down on his back with his head propped on my leg and his feet up on the opposite arm of the swing. He looked up at me.
"So, how about we just swing here for awhile?"
"Yeah, I don't feel like moving much either." I picked up my left leg and pushed off with the right, starting the swing in motion. Eric closed his eyes, and shifted his head closer to my hip while I draped my arm across his chest and rubbed the corner of his shoulder with my thumb. I had to admit, it was times like this when I felt like life was perfect; when the moment in which you existed was one you never wanted to end. Eric was resting comfortably with his hands in his lap as we rocked in silence together. I smiled, let my head fall back against the chain, and closed my eyes while I waited for Jase to come home.