Copyright 2001.
a) The following story is a work of fiction, and the rights of this series belong to its author.
b) If you are breaking one or more of your local laws by reading this, don't read any further! And,
c) Still thinking about the guys and their story, hope I didn't make anyone wait too long. It's a real pleasure to know that the story is appreciated, thanks to all who have written in support.
Chapter 13. Just Reminiscing--
Another typical day, and I was catching up on laundry while the Jase and Eric were off jogging after work. The pile of clean clothes on the bed was slowly disappearing as I folded and put them away, whistling softly to myself. There were good memories attached to those clothes; some of them went back to our days in college, including the pair of boxers I now held in my hand. They were the first ones I ever saw Jase in, and as I sat down on the bed and turned them over in my hands, I remembered how wonderful it was that very first time Jase held me close.
It was the end of summer vacation, and I was back at school, eager to start my second year of college. Jase and I had secured a corner room in a house just off campus, and although there were some conditions tied to the arrangement, the rent was well under what we had been paying as dorm rats. The lady we sublet from was a business professor at the University, and Jase was one of her favorite students; provided we helped her keep up the house and yard, the room was ours. By now, I was very attached to Jase. We had quickly become inseparable that first year after finding we shared the same room, the same major, and many of the same interests. Thinking back, I suppose if should have been obvious how we felt for each other, but you know how it is. Guys don't show affection or talk about what's really on their minds-except for rare occasions and typically after a few beers.
In spite of nights spent talking across the narrow space separating our beds, in spite of wresting in practically nothing and knowing-even if unspoken-that we jerked off in the same room, we had protected our secrets. I was totally closeted, and Jase, as I discovered later, had been just as careful not to let his feelings show. Although, unlike me, Jase had been acting on his feelings; it came as a complete surprise when he was thoughtlessly outed to me.
On a beautiful fall evening just after the weather had turned cool, Jase and I were celebrating the change in weather by walking to the local Chinese restaurant for takeout. We were on the way home with our feast and were standing at an intersection waiting for the light to change, when a convertible pulled up next to us. A couple of guys were in the front, and music was making the doors rattle. I wasn't paying much attention to them until suddenly the passenger of the car shouted at us and waved.
"Hey, Jasey, who's that cutie you're with tonight?"
Jase didn't reply, but he looked like he wished he were anyplace else.
"What's the matter, Jase, cat got your tongue? Doubt it though, you told me yourself your tongue's never been near a real pussy." His buddy was grabbing his shoulder the whole time, an angry look on his face, and telling him to shut up. It didn't help; the tirade continued.
"You're a real asshole, Jase, you know? Dumping me like that just because I made a few mistakes." He pointed at me.
"And I feel sorry for you, if you guys are fucking each other."
At that moment, the light turned, and the car took off with a squeal of tires while I stood there in shock watching them go. I turned to Jase.
"Who the hell was that?!"
Jase looked at me, then down at his feet, shaking his head slowly. "Don't pay any attention to Dave, he's just drunk."
"You mean he-you mean you actually know that jerk?"
"Zach, I. . . " He paused, his face unreadable. "Let's just go home. C'mon."
The short walk home was made in silence, as was the meal we shared in our room. I couldn't bring myself to start a conversation or make eye contact for uncertainty. Was it really possible my roommate was gay? It was a word I could only say in my head, a way I thought I alone felt, and a subject I had never talked about seriously with anyone.
After eating, Jase cleaned up the pile of empty cartons and washed the two forks that represented the bulk of our silverware collection. I moved to my bed and sat cross-legged, nervously picking a dead leaf or two from the tiny palm tree that he'd given me just before leaving for the summer. I had carried it back and forth in the car with me from home, and was proud that, despite my lack of a green thumb, it had survived. A little water, some fertilizer, a window facing the right direction; it all seemed simple now that I'd had some practice.
The bed creaked as Jase added his weight to mine and faced me across the wrinkled sheets. He smiled, watching me groom my plant, but I just waited for him to start. It was a sigh that came out first.
"Zach, we've been friends for a while now, right?"
Ohh, not good, I thought. My anxiety level cranked itself up a couple of notches, and my heart beat faster.
"Look, Zach, we've told each other a lot, but. . .I guess, if you haven't figured it out already, that guy was somebody I was dating."
"So you're. . ."
He hung his head, then looked up with those blue eyes shining from underneath his bangs as he said something that changed both our lives forever.
"I'm an idiot, that's what I am."
"Huh?"
"Dave was so wrong for me, and I didn't want to admit it."
"But-Jase, you're saying you're. . ."
"Not like anybody else you know, that's for sure."
I shut up, and looked away from him at my plant sitting on the windowsill. There were so many things I wanted to say, and my own confession was foremost.
"Zach, are you. . ?"
"Gay, I'm gay, too, Jase-and I was terrified you'd find out somehow. And I didn't. . .and I never. . .I can't believe you're. . ."
He stared hard at me, then cleared his throat. "I, uh. . .I was only going to ask if you were ok with me being gay and us being roommates and everything. . ."
"Shit!" I jumped off the bed, and went to the couch, burying my face in my hands. No going back now, no way-for better or for worse, we were both out and would have to deal with it. I heard the bed creak again, and then felt Jase's hands on my arms as sat next to me and pulled me into a loose embrace.
"Zach, it's ok." He rested his chin on my shoulder while I cowered behind my hands.
"Remember when I said I was an idiot? I'm an idiot Zach, because I only realized this summer that the guy I liked was you. I missed you so much, I could hardly wait for summer to end and for us to be together again."
"Yeah?" My response came out muffled since my face was still covered but it was enough to make me drop my hands and lean into his shoulder.
"Yeah, Zach-I really do. I realized that I love you." He stroked my back with both hands. "I just. . . didn't know how or if I could tell you. "
It felt wonderful to be held against him, and I realized that what I wanted more than anything in the world was actually here with me in this room with both arms wrapped around my shoulders. My uncertainties about being gay could wait. I pulled back and raised my face to his, looking into those smiling eyes.
"I. . . "
The gap separating my lips from his disappeared, and I gently kissed him in response. Warm breath from his nose tickled my face, and the feather-soft sensation of our lips touching was like nothing I'd ever felt. My hands had reached of their own accord to the small of his back, and I pulled him closer as our breathing merged and we settled into each other's arms. The urge to slip my hands under his shirt and touch every last inch of his smooth, warm body with my bare hands was overpowering. I didn't though, uncertain what to do, and the kiss went on.
The couch proved to be just enough room for us to lie down together, Jase's arms holding me tight from behind while I pressed myself tightly into the matching shape of his body and closed my eyes. The old, sagging sofa had never been as comfortable to me as it was tonight, and, I hoped, it would be for many more nights to come.
The noise of the bedroom door opening startled me and I dropped the boxers in surprise as Jase came into the room, pulling off his tank top and mopping his face with it briefly before tossing it into the hamper in the closet.
"Whatcha doin' with my shorts, Zach?"
I picked them up and twirled them on one finger. "Just thinking, that's all."
"Oh?" He glanced down at my hand, then grinned. "You want to order Chinese?"
I laughed and got up from the bed, closing the distance between us and kissing him fiercely on the lips. He pulled back after a moment and looked at me with a knowing smile.
"I should warn you, Zach, I'm not like anyone else you know. . ."
"And that's why I love you, you big lug." He drew me close, and I melted once again into the embrace that I knew so well.