Greetings everyone,
Here's Chapter 19.
Got some great mail, not alot, but what I did get was really nice. Thanks to all who wrote. The long anticipated entrance of the Pop Queen is here. You'll have to read and see what kind of Britney we have.
As usual: This story is purely fiction and is not intended to imply anything about the true sexuality of `N Sync or anyone associated with their organization. It is meant for those over the age of 18 only and those who wish to read stories with sexual content.
Jamie's Romance - Chapter Nineteen
Jamie sat pondering the past week as his plane flew somewhere over Virginia. He'd certainly been busy between his normal routine and the attention Dan was giving him. His nightly talks with Justin did both of them good but he knew Justin was hurting more.
Justin didn't know he'd be seeing Jamie in less than 24 hours when they spoke last night and Jamie could feel the sadness in Justin's voice. He almost told his secret then, his heart breaking, but he held back. A very small part of Jamie didn't tell Justin for another reason other than it being a surprise.
This part wanted and needed to know that Justin depended on him too. He wasn't proud of it and he felt like he was using Justin. He had to know for certain that it wasn't a one-sided relationship, this was his one true doubt. He knew that he relied on Justin. Justin was very right when he sang along with the Backstreet Boys that night. He was taking Jamie slowly from his darkness and Jamie let him gladly.
In his mind, for this relationship to work, Justin had to draw strength from him just as much as he was depending on Justin. This had been the major topic of his talk with Leslie on Thursday. She completely understood Jamie's need to know although she thought he could have found some way less painful for Justin.
"Let's see, do you trust him?" she asked during his session.
Jamie nodded. "Yes, I trust him. When he says he won't ever hurt me, I believe him." Jamie paused obviously wanting to say more.
"But it's more than that, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is. I need to know that he needs me like I need him. For some reason this is really important to me. When I know that for sure -then- I can trust him completely." Leslie nodded as he continued. "It worries me that I've been getting the panic attacks more lately. Sure, they a lot more mild than before but still..." he let the thought drift off.
"Well, that's understandable. Being with Justin is forcing you to deal with some things you've not had to."
Jamie nodded. "Well, I guess that's good, get out everything I can so I can move on."
Leslie nodded with approval. "That just confirmed what I was trying to find out today. I think you're ready to go to once a month. I want you to make an appointment for next month for you and Justin. I would like one session with you together."
Jamie looked at her for a second. "Well, I guess you know what's best. I'll have him check his schedule. He'll be in town the week after Valentine's Day so maybe then."
Leslie nodded. "Great. Oh, one last thing I almost forgot. I got a call from a James Bass the other day. Is he a friend of yours?"
"James..." he said slowly. "Oh, of course, Lance! What did he want?"
The name `Lance' clicked with Leslie as well. "Well that makes sense. He wanted to talk. I guess one of your attacks threw him a little and he needed some advice. I kept it general but he knew so much already. Is it alright for me to talk to him if he calls?"
Jamie nodded. "Sure, if any of them call. I can't imagine why they would though."
Leslie smiled. "They only want to help you. At least that's what James, um Lance said."
Jamie's thoughts were interrupted by the flight attendant asking if he wanted a drink. Taking a coke he settled back and looked out the window to see nothing but clouds. After a minute he grabbed the phone from the chair back and dialed Lance's cell phone.
"Hello," Lance's cheerful voice said.
"Base Camp this is Red Eagle, the soup is on it's way," Jamie kidded.
Lance laughed loudly. "So you're in the air. Everything ok so far?"
"So far, but I'm glad this is almost over. Keeping this secret has been killing me, Lance."
"I know, me too, but Justin will be so happy."
"So what's the plan?"
"Well, I just pulled into Justin's driveway. Someone will be out to meet you. I have no idea who yet, depends on who can sneak away. It'll probably be me because I'm heading home so I have a good excuse."
"Ok, buddy, either way will I see you before you leave?"
"Most likely."
"Well, I'll let you go. Kiss Justy on the forehead for me, ok?"
"Will do. See you soon, bye."
"Bye, Lance."
Jamie hung up the phone and sighed when he checked his watch. Just 4 more hours before he landed in Orlando. `Why couldn't Lance get a direct flight,' he thought to himself. He hated layovers and he was scheduled for one in Atlanta. He settled in and tried to get a little sleep while he could..
Jamie was right, Justin was a complete wreck being away from him. Every night, at whatever hotel they happened to be in, he would fall into bed crying himself asleep while clutching at his and Jamie's picture. One or another of the guys would sit and talk to him, particularly JC and Lance but they could only help ease his pain a little.
They had met with Greg, a therapist that Johnny had used in the past to work out problems with the guys and others groups. Justin was glad to have someone outside of all their relationships to talk with. Greg had helped them all in a group session to give pointers on dealing with Jamie's situation and things that generally would trigger any hidden memories.
It was during the private talks with Greg that he was able to identify what was bothering him. A major part was not having Jamie with him. He loved Jamie so much that he wanted to be with him all the time, a natural enough reaction to being in love, especially for the first time. Plus, for once, Justin felt like someone needed him. It was completely different from what he was used to. Everyone relied on him to sing his parts or hit his dance steps, but now he has someone that -really- needed him and he felt guilty for not being there.
In one of his last talks with Greg on Thursday morning, Justin realized one last kernel inside of him that he had buried and not known was there.
"So, Justin, this will be our last chat, I have to go back to Orlando this afternoon."
"Greg, you've been a great help. I still hurt, but at least I can deal with it now and not drive myself crazy. Oops sorry, bad pun," Justin laughed nervously.
Greg chuckled. "Pun excused. Justin, I sense that there's something else."
Justin thought through all his feelings. "I can't think, but I feel there's something I'm not getting but it`s not a big thing."
"Well, sometimes it's the small things that can sour a relationship. Justin, when two people are together, they each bring something to the relationship. But more importantly they each need to take away something as well. You said Jamie relies on you and that's what you bring for him. What are you getting out of it? What is Jamie bringing to you? "
Justin thought some more. He knew this was the last little bit of his doubt.
"You don't need to come up with an answer for me, Justin. I asked the question to make you think. It might be something you find when you get to be with him again, now that you know what to look for."
Justin nodded then sat up straight suddenly. "That's it!" he exclaimed.
Greg raised his eyebrows. "Wanna share?"
There was a big smile on his face. "Well at first I was afraid of the fame thing. It's hard to find someone that likes you without that flashing in their face. I know Jamie loves me aside from that, I don't doubt that a second. For the last four years, more if you count the Mouse Club, I haven't been able to keep -any- kind of relationship with someone outside of `the business' except my family. Even being with people in the business has been frustrating."
"Like Britney?" Greg asked.
"Well, yes her, but that was also because I wasn't straight, but we didn't get far enough for even that to be an issue."
"So your revelation..." he prompted.
"Well, you hit it when you mentioned being with him again. That's what he gives me, someone to come home to, someone that will give me a normal life outside of my career. Someone to love and love me outside of fame, NSync, tours and screaming girls."
Greg grinned from ear to ear. "It seems you've found your strength in this relationship. Just remember that when times get rough and you're missing each other and you'll be fine."
Justin smiled to himself with the memory. He was now completely secure in his relationship with Jamie and he just had to hold on until he saw him again to share his security with Jamie.
He was brought out of his daydreaming by a knock on his door. "Come in," he called.
JC poked his head into the room. "You staying in bed all day, or did you forget your party?"
"Morning to you too, Josh. It`s only 9," Justin smiled. "I was just getting up."
JC nodded at his best friend giving him a small smile. "Ok, I'll be helping your mom in the backyard." He ducked away without waiting for an answer. Justin sighed remembering that JC had slept in his room here last night instead of at Lance's.
They had just gotten into Orlando and came to Justin's house to get their cars. Lance and JC had talked briefly before JC stormed into the house. Lance had sighed heavily, said goodbye and drove home alone. All Justin could get out of his friend before he shut himself in his room was that Lance asked for some private time. Justin let him be and went into the backyard for some privacy so he could call Jamie.
Justin shivered as he got out of bed and hit the shower. He didn't know exactly what was going on but he assumed it was because Lance was going home for a few days. It suddenly came to him as he washed the shampoo from his hair. Lance was going to tell his parents and he wanted to be by himself to get himself ready.
Justin knew he, too, would have to tell his mom, so he completely understood Lance. It was something he would have to deal with eventually.
He quickly finished, dressed and headed to the kitchen for some food. "Morning, mom," he said cheerfully has he grabbed a bowl, spoon and cereal.
"Morning, honey. Sleep well?"
"Great, it's good to be home."
Lynn smiled at her son. She watched him eat and noticed something different about him, a maturity or ease with himself he didn't have before. He was always a happy child, Lynn had made sure of that, but this was different.
Justin caught her staring. "What?" he asked looking at himself and around him to see what his mother was looking at. "Is my hair funny or something?" he grinned at her.
Lynn smiled. "No, just watching this grown man who used to be my baby."
Justin jumped up and put his bowl in the sink before kissing his mother on the cheek and hugging her. "I will always be your baby, mommy." He grinned at her then tilted his head before he said more. "Mom, I don't know if I've ever said this but I want you to know that I really appreciate what you've done for me. I love you."
He pulled her into another hug as she started weeping at his words. Oh, they grow up so fast, she thought to herself. "I love you to, Justin." She pushed him away playfully and scooted him toward the back door. "Now go help Joshua get ready for your party. He's in the backyard setting up and decorating."
"You mean I have to decorate for my -own- party?" he asked in mock hurt. Lynn just gave him the `don't argue with your mother' look and he giggled as he went out the door.
She went to the window and looked on as he and JC were moving lawn furniture, setting up tables and blowing up balloons. They were acting like they always did, comfortable and joking with each other the entire time. JC had surprised her this morning by being up earlier than Justin. He never did that.
Nothing wrong there,' she said to sarcastically to herself. Justin had always been an affectionate child but his little display of affection had Lynn wondering where it had come from. He -is- growing up. My Lord, when did he get to be nineteen without me noticing,' she sighed to herself as she continued getting the food ready.
Lance was the first to arrive right around 10. He entered the kitchen and gave Lynn a quick peck on the cheek. "Good to see you, Lynn."
"Same here, Lance. You look tired, honey. Didn't you sleep well?" she asked noticing the circles under his eyes.
Lance subconsciously rubbed a hand through his hair. "No, I have trouble sleeping.." he paused swallowing the end of the sentence: `without Josh.' He cleared his throat and continued, "the first night back. I need to get used to the bed again."
Lynn nodded to him and handed him a box with plates, cups and other cookout stuff. "Here take this out to Josh and Justin and set these out. They'd better have a table ready for it," she chuckled.
She watched his back as he left the house. `There's another mystery. That makes three today,' she mused. She wondered what else was in store. 'Lord, give me strength today. Before, I had a group of children and now they're young adults and it's not any easier,' she prayed quietly.
She didn't notice that Justin took the box from Lance and after a brief hug shoved both Lance and JC across the yard so they could talk as he set up the table.
By 11 all of the guests had arrived. Lynn made Joey and Chris responsible for the grill and Lance and JC to help her carry things back and forth from the kitchen. Justin was the center of attention. Guests including their band and the crew from the last tour, friends from management and Jive, a few friends from the Mouse Club days kept him busy talking and wishing him well. He was trying to get out of a boring conversation about profit margins with someone from Jive when he was hugged unexpectedly from the side by a giggling blond girl.
"Britney!" Justin cried as he grabbed her by the waist and twirled her around. "What are you doing here?"
"Well I happened to be in Orlando and called Lance this morning. He said I just -had- to surprise you."
Justin pouted in mock hurt. "You called Lance before me? I thought I was your boyfriend."
She giggled at him as she tickled him. "Oh you big furball, in the media's dreams. I tried calling here. Your cell was off and I only got a busy signal from the house phone, so I called Lance."
Justin just shrugged and smiled at her.
"So how y'all been?" she asked in her soft southern accent.
"I'm good, Brit. How's the album coming?"
"Justin Timberlake, you're not changing the subject on me. It's almost done, by the way. Now what's eating you?"
Justin smiled. He could never hide anything from her, she knew him too well. "Well, I'm just a little lonely that's all," he said leading her around to the far side of the pool to be more alone.
"I can see it. I want you to take care of yourself. You can tell me anything, you know. You're my friend."
He just nodded and weakly smiled at her. "You know everything don't you?"
She put her arm around his waist and hugged him as they continued walking. "It's part of my special powers for being the Pop Princess," she giggled. Justin laughed at her.
Joey watched Justin and Britney for a minute before pulling Chris aside. "I'm glad Britney came. If anyone can cheer him up it's her."
Chris nodded. "That's for sure, she could always get him smiling." As if on cue Justin smiled and broke out laughing loudly at something Britney was telling him. "See, instant cure."
After Lunch, Britney found Justin again. "Well, Justy, I've got some things I just have to do, so I'll be jetting."
"Aw, you can't stay?" Justin glanced at his watch, it read 1:30.
She shook her head sadly. "Nope, got to get some errands done, then I'm taking Lance to the airport. Our flights are about the same time."
"Thanks for coming, Brit. It was good to see you again."
"You keep in touch, ok?" Justin nodded to her then gave her a firm, friendly hug. She waved happily and was gone.
At this time the guests were starting to thin out saying their goodbyes as they went. Lance was one of the first.
"Again, Happy Birthday, Curly," he said. "I gotta go and get my stuff together for my visit home. Come by around 3:30, ok? Brit is picking me up then."
Justin nodded. "You have a good flight and send Diane my love, ok?"
Lance's eye twitched a bit at the mention of his mother but his voice didn't betray anything. "You bet," he replied as he turned to go. He stopped when Justin grabbed his shoulder.
"Lance, don't shut Josh out, he loves you so much. He just wants to help and be there for you."
Lance hung his head. "Ya, I know, I love him too. I apologized to him for last night. I just needed to be alone and think for awhile."
Justin smiled as he hugged his friend. "Good luck, Lance. Remember we all love you."
Lance looked at Justin a little surprised then grimly nodded to him. "Thanks buddy," he said softly. "Oh, somebody special asked me to give you this." He leaned over and kissed Justin on the forehead. He winked at Justin then quietly left. Justin stood there for a minute smiling.
Eventually it was Lynn and 'NSync minus Lance left tidying up. They settled into the living room relaxing. JC excused himself and went to his room for a bit.
"Well, I gotta head out and meet Lance at his house. Either of you want to come?" Justin asked Joey and Chris.
They both shook their heads. "Nah, that's ok. We'll just chill here," Joey said.
"Ok, anything happening tonight?"
"I'm going out to dinner with Danielle, so count me out," Chris said.
"And I'm spending time with my brother," added Joey.
Justin nodded. "Well, if you and Steve get bored drop on by Lance's. We could play pool or something."
"Sure, Justin, I'll keep that in mind."
Justin then excused himself and went to find JC. It wasn't too hard, he was on his bed crying softly, curled around a pillow. Justin shut the door and sat on the bed next to him.
"Josh, are you alright?"
JC turned over and grabbed Justin's hand. "I'll be ok. Thanks for giving us that minute to talk this morning. It helped."
"How couldn't I, you both needed it."
JC smiled. "I'm scared, Justin. You know why he's going to Mississippi?"
Justin nodded. "I realized it this morning."
"We argued because I wanted to go with him, but he didn't want me to."
"He needs to do this on his terms, Josh, they're his parents."
JC nodded sadly.
"Hey, come with me to Lance's. You can go with them to the airport."
JC hesitated before getting up. "Ok, let me use the bathroom first." He leaned down to look Justin in the face. "Thanks, Just, for being my best friend."
"Same goes to you too."
JC then leaned forward more and kissed Justin on the lips and went to the bathroom. Justin sat for a moment thinking things over. JC had never kissed him like that before. He mentally shrugged and went to the living room. JC joined him a second later and they headed off to Lance's house.
Jamie looked out the window at Orlando as the plane made it's final approach. Of all things about flying he hated landings the most. He gripped the armrests and closed his eyes thinking of Justin's face. Before he knew it they were stopped at the gate.
He got his carry-on and left the plane thankful to be on solid ground again. Entering the terminal he looked for one or more of the guys but didn't see them. He took his time and tried to spot anyone with a hat and shades when a small sign with his name on it caught his attention. It was being held by a short blond headed girl wearing a large hat and big sunglasses.
Jamie went over to her and smiled. "I'm Jamie Campbell."
She dropped the sign, held out her hand and took off her sunglasses. "Nice to meet you. I'm..."
Jamie interrupted her when he finally realized who he was shaking hands with. "Britney Spears!" His mind was whirling. `What was Lance thinking sending his boyfriend's ex-girlfriend!' he frantically thought to himself as he stood in shock not knowing what to do.
tbc...
There's the latest. Comments and suggestions are always welcome!
Jim bangoremail@aol.com