Greetings everyone,
Here's Chapter 14.
Just a random and not so random thought from me this chapter:
I've had some comments about the realism of Jamie getting over the rape. I do realize that his quick recovery is a bit unrealistic. The intimacy issues alone take many, many months or years of TLC to work through. Even though I'm trying to make it as realistic as possible, remember this is fiction. So for the sake of storytelling Jamie's recovery will have to be quicker than what you'd normally expect, it will still take time but not as much. And I will continue to treat it seriously.
This story is purely fiction and is not intended to imply anything about the true sexuality of `N Sync or anyone associated with their organization. It is meant for those over the age of 18 only and those who wish to read stories with sexual content.
Jamie's Romance - Chapter Fourteen
Jamie cleaning up from lunch and went over some charts for a studio job he had the next week. He then called Dr. Ward's office and after a brief wait was connected to the doctor.
"Jamie, is everything ok?" she asked with concern.
"I'm fine, Leslie. Better than I was a few days ago anyway."
"That sounds interesting, want to tell me about it?"
Jamie related the last two days to her not leaving out any details. He learned early on that even though some things were very personal or embarrassing she couldn't totally help him unless he trusted her and gave her as much information as possible.
"So he came back for you, did he?"
"Sure did."
"How do you feel about that?"
"Relieved, sad, scared, nervous, happy... You name it, I feel it," he rattled the list off quickly.
She chuckled at him. "Well, there's nothing there that isn't normal. Have any ideas why you feel all those? Break it down for me."
"Um... relieved, I guess, because I know he cares enough to keep trying instead of forgetting all about me and moving on. Ah, sad, because of the time we missed." He paused for a minute to collect his thoughts. "Scared because I don't know what's gonna happen next and nervous about having to deal with him being such a public figure."
"And happy?" she prodded.
Jamie paused for a second. "Happy." He let the word roll around in his mind. "Yes, I am happy too. After last night I know that I feel deeply for him, falling in love with him, I guess, and that makes me happy."
"That's my boy. You keep going this way and you'll be fine. Just remember to be honest with him at all times and try to share everything so that he doesn't misunderstand and can help you."
"Ya, we've had that talk."
"Good, anything else?"
Jamie paused again, embarrassed this time. "Um, ya..." he stammered uncomfortably. "Actually, this is why I called." He cleared his throat not knowing how to start.
"It's about intimacy, isn't it?" Leslie asked.
Jamie let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Um, ya."
"Jamie, please don't be embarrassed, whatever you say stays between just you and I."
"I know, it's just hard to talk about. Well, he's been a perfect gentleman, if that doesn't sound too cliché. But I know that eventually it will come up and that scares me. What if I freak out or have a panic attack or something?"
"Jamie, I'm not going to lie to you. We've talked about this. Intimacy is going to be the hardest thing for you to deal with. It takes a lot of understanding and time. Only you will know if you're ready. Do you trust him?"
"Trust him? I have no reason not to, I suppose, so yes I guess I do."
"That's a start. How do you feel about being intimate with him?"
"Hmmm." Jamie pondered a second. "I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought of it. A part of me really wants him to touch me, but I'm still a little scared. I just want to be prepared in case it becomes an issue this week. Is there something we can do together, like the exercises you gave me for, um... you know, from before?"
Jamie could hear Leslie smiling over the phone. "Exercises huh? Well, the `exercises' I gave you before should work here as well, just include Justin in them. You've gone past the kissing, hugging and holding stage. So that's the first step. The next is caresses, nice, slow and loving. First try that fully clothed and stay clear of, um... well, you know." Now it was her turn to be slightly embarrassed. "This should be love first, not sex."
"I think I got you," Jamie said with a chuckle.
"And if at anytime you start feeling uncomfortable have him stop and when you're ready start all over again. That's the important part: stop, backtrack then try again. In time, you'll get more comfortable and can move further. Is there anything else?"
"That's it for now. Thanks a lot Leslie."
"It's what I'm here for, kiddo. We'll talk all about it next Thursday. Also keep in mind that if he's around when you're coming to see me he can come also."
"Ok, I'll talk to him about it. See you Thursday. Take care."
"You take care too, Jamie, good luck, and tell Justin I said hello."
"Will do, bye."
Jamie hung up the phone his mind swirling. He was apprehensive but felt better from talking with Leslie. The afternoon was getting on and he decided to check his email and take a nap. There wasn't much except for some spam and one email from Zack checking in about next week. He emailed Zack letting him know when he'd get into Boston and shut down the computer.
He crawled onto his bed and tried to shut out the world and get a little sleep. It was difficult at first his mind was too full of all his thoguhts. He could still smell Justin's cologne on the pillows and that comforted him enough to let him drift into a light sleep.
The ringing phone woke him with a start. He looked at the clock and saw it was 5:30. He guessed at who it was.
"Jamie's pizza parlor. Pickup or delivery?"
"Pickup please, I like looking at the cook," Justin answered playing along.
"The customers aren't that bad either. What's going on?"
Justin laughed. "We're just heading over to the radio station now. The interview should only be about 45 minutes long so we'll be done before 7."
"That's great, you still want to come over tonight?"
"Ya, if you don't mind I'd rather stay in, I'm beat."
"No prob. We can rent some movies or something."
"Sounds great. Um, Lance and JC want to come along too, is that ok?"
"It's fine with me if it's ok with you."
"Great, we'll see you soon then."
"You bet, hope you're hungry, I'm cooking dinner."
"We're always hungry! Bye, Jamie."
"Bye Justin."
Jamie spent the next hour getting dinner ready. He knew Justin liked pasta so decided on that with steamed broccoli and chicken stirred all together. He set the table and waited for the dinner to finish cooking and his guests to arrive.
It was around 7:15 when he buzzed them in. JC came in first, handed Jamie a bottle of wine and gave him a peck on the cheek that made him blush. Lance gave him a warm hug and pat on the back. Justin beamed at Jamie and held him close.
"How was your afternoon?" he asked softly in Jamie's ear.
"It was ok, took a nap and talked to Leslie. She says hi."
"Anything wrong," Justin asked with concern.
"Nothing wrong, just needed some advice. I'll talk to you about it later, ok?"
"You bet." Justin looked into Jamie's eyes and put on a big puppy dog face. "Can Justy have a kiss?"
Jamie giggled at him. "Well, he's been a good boy, I guess so." Jamie stretched up to Justin and their lips met. A slight moment of anxiety washed over Jamie but the feeling of Justin's lips wiped it away. Jamie felt transported somewhere where nothing mattered. Justin was his whole world at that very second. Justin felt the same but reluctantly broke the kiss when his stomach loudly growled.
Jamie laughed, grabbed his hand and pulled him to the kitchen to join Lance and JC. "You guys get settled and I'll get the plates ready." Soon they were eating and chatting casually.
"So where are Joey and Chris tonight?" Jamie asked.
"Joey's brother Steve is in town and the three of them wanted to go clubbing. Lance and I didn't feel like doing that or hanging around alone in the hotel either. I hope it's ok we tagged along," JC apologized.
"No problem here, JC. I like hanging with you guys. Especially you, cutie," Jamie said as he grabbed Justin's hand on top of the table. Justin smiled and squeezed Jamie's hand gently.
Lance got a thoughtful look and stayed quiet for a minute. "What's on your mind, Scoop?" Justin asked when he noticed.
"I was just thinking about how nice this is. Sure it would be good to have Joey and Chris here too, but it would be different. It's like a double date, just us couples. We can be ourselves and not worry about anything. I really love you guys," Lance said tears forming in his eyes.
"That's my James, always the sentimental one," JC said lovingly as he leaned over to kiss the tears away from Lance's cheeks.
Jamie felt himself beginning to cry and looked over at Justin whose eyes were a little watery too. Justin took Jamie's hand and kissed the back of it lovingly.
They sat in silence for a few minutes before Jamie tried to lighten the mood a little. "If we get any more cheese in here we can have a fondue." His remark did the trick as they all laughed.
"So what do you guys want to do?" Lance asked.
"How about we play a game or something?" JC suggested.
"That sounds like fun," Justin agreed. "What have you got, sweetie?"
Jamie thought for a minute. "Let's see... Monopoly, Trivial Pursuit..."
That's as far as he got before Justin yelled happily, "Trivial Pursuit, I love that game!!"
"I'll fetch it if you clear the table." Justin jumped up and started collecting plates and silverware. Jamie laughed at his enthusiasm and shook his head.
"You better get used to it, he's like this all the time. Well, except first thing it the morning." Lance told Jamie as he started to help Justin.
They set up the game and decided to play teams, couple against couple, so the game would go faster. The competition was fierce but Jamie and Justin beat out Lance and JC by getting the last pie before them.
"That was real close," Lance said.
"Yup, but we're still the winners," Justin gloated doing a little chair dance.
Jamie just looked at Justin a second shaking his head.
"Jamie, Justin sometimes reverts back to childhood, especially with games," JC said with a smirk.
Justin got a hurt look on his face. "I have no idea what you mean!" he said with a pout.
"You know, you do look awfully cute like that. Can I make it better?" Jamie asked.
Justin nodded, still pouting.
Jamie pulled Justin to him and kissed him, his tongue smoothing the pout from Justin's lips. In just a second Justin was moaning lightly and kissing back. After a minute, Jamie leaned back to see Justin smiling blissfully, his eyes closed.
"There, that's better."
"I think finally Justin's met his match," Lance chuckled.
"Do I get a turn?" JC asked blinking his eyes innocently.
"Come here, sugar," Lance said, smiling at JC. JC leaned over and Lance kissed him deeply. He pulled away and left JC panting in his chair. JC opened his eyes and pulled Lance back for more.
Jamie and Justin watched grinning before quietly getting up and going to the living room. Justin sat at the end of the couch and pulled Jamie down into his arms to spoon with him. Jamie rested his head on Justin's chest enjoying the feel of Justin's arms around him.
"This is exactly what I needed tonight, Jamie, thanks for understanding."
"I like this too. Almost makes you think that life is normal, huh?"
Justin agreed. "Ya, normal doesn't come around that often for me or the guys and we really like it when it does."
"Do you ever regret making the decisions you have?"
Justin pondered for a second. "No, never regretted anything. But sometimes I sit and think what life would've been like if I hadn't made the MMC or gotten the call from Chris about the group. I wonder what the so-called normal life would be like. Maybe something like this," Justin added hugging Jamie to him, kissing the side of his head.
Jamie nodded and grasped Justin's hands in his. "One step taken a different way..." he trailed off deep in thought. After a few moments he put Justin's hands on his shoulders. Justin smiled and gently rubbed from the base of Jamie's neck down his arms to his elbows and back up. Jamie tried to stay loose and relaxed with Justin's touch.
Justin reluctantly broke the silence they shared. "So, you said you called your doctor about some advice?"
Jamie nodded. "Ya, I just needed some help to deal with some things."
"Things?" Justin questioned.
"Actually, you're helping now."
Justin's hands hesitated before he continuing rubbing. "How else can I help?"
"Let me check on the guys in the kitchen then we'll talk about it."
Jamie got up and leaned over to kiss Justin on the lips. Justin's hand lovingly cupped his cheek as their lips met. They were breathless when the separated.
"You certainly are a good kisser, Mr. Timberlake."
Justin blushed. "And so are you Mr. Campbell."
Jamie smiled and peered around the door into the kitchen. Lance and JC had finished washing the dishes and were in each other's arms in front of the sink, Lance's hands on JC's waist. JC had his hands up under Lance's shirt obviously playing with Lance's nipples as Lance moaned softly.
"Um, excuse me guys."
Lance and JC jumped apart looking guilty. They kept silent until Jamie laughed.
"It's getting late. Why don't you plan on staying the night in Dan's room? JC, call Joey and Chris and tell them we'll meet them for breakfast tomorrow."
Lance cleared his throat. "Ah, ya, that's a great idea."
Jamie froze suddenly as he felt two arms grab him around his waist. Justin started planting kisses on the side of Jamie's neck not noticing the expression on Jamie's face. Lance and JC did and they stood not knowing exactly how to react. Jamie tried to control the shriek that was building inside him as he started trembling violently.
"No... don't... please!" he yelled. He pushed Justin away and collapsed against a kitchen chair panting heavily.
Justin realized what Jamie's reaction meant and tried to comfort him. Jamie held out his hand stopping Justin from getting nearer. "Please, not right now, Justin."
JC immediately took on a protective role. "Justin, how could you!" he accused his young friend. "Let him be!" Lance put his hand on JC's arm to stop him from saying more.
Justin was pale in shock. Tears were streaking down his cheeks as he backed from the kitchen. "I'm so sorry, Jamie," he repeated over and over before he dashed to the bathroom and shut himself in.
JC helped Jamie into one of the chairs. His trembling was starting to subside but he was still breathing heavily. Lance got a glass of water and handed it to Jamie. "You gonna be ok?" he asked.
Jamie nodded and greatfully accepted the glass. "I'll be fine."
JC held Jamie's free hand gently showing his support. "What just happened to you?"
"That, guys, was an almost full fledged panic attack. When Justin came up behind me and surprised me it brought up some not too pleasant memories."
JC's anger resurfaced. "I'll skin the hide off him," he grumbled as he made to stand.
"No, JC!" Lances voice stopped JC dead. "You leave him be and stay with Jamie. I'll go talk to Justin."
"Thanks, Lance," Jamie said quietly. "Please tell him that I'm not angry with him and neither should you be, he didn't know. Hell, I didn't either." Lance nodded. "I have some of these time bombs planted in me and even I don't know what they are. He must hate me." Jamie started weeping and JC hugged him so he could cry on his shoulder.
Lance shared a worried look at his lover and went to check on Justin. He knocked on the door and only heard weeping from the other side. Trying the door, he found it unlocked. He opened the door, went in and closed the door behind him. Justin was sitting on the toilet his head in his hands crying uncontrollably. Lance stood quietly waiting for Justin to speak first.
"Oh, Lance, how could I have been so thoughtless. I knew he has problems and here I go messing it up and making things worse." Justin's crying grew heavier as Lance sat on the edge of the tub and pulled his friend into his arms to comfort him. Justin grabbed onto Lance tightly.
"Shush, Justin, get ahold of yourself. Jamie needs you."
"No, Lance, he hates me. He doesn't want me anywhere near him." Lance sighed but then smiled realizing that both of them were only thinking of each other during this.
"Justin, you need to be strong. Jamie doesn't hate you, he said so himself. He didn't realize that he'd react this way either. It's something you both will have to learn and work through. Do you love him?"
"Of course I do Lance, very much."
"Do you love him enough to help him work through all this?"
"God, I hope I do. I pray that I can be strong enough to help him."
Lance nodded. "Well, then you need to get out there and show him." Justin nodded then stood. Looking in the mirror he composed himself and made to leave. Lance grabbed his hand holding him back a second.
"Justin, remember JC and I are here for you both. If you ever need help dealing with this and can't talk to Jamie, please tell us."
Justin smiled at Lance and pulled him to his feet and hugged him. "Thanks, Lance, you're a true friend."
"I couldn't be anything else, Curly. Now go to your boyfriend." Lance pushed Justin to the door and smiled at him. Justin smiled back before leaving and heading back slowly to the kitchen.
tbc...
There's the latest. Comments and suggestions are always welcome!
Jim bangoremail@aol.com