This is a work of pure fiction, based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of Characters:
James Thomas Arthur (Jamey)
Harold Brian Arthur - My Brother (Habby)
Harold Garfield Arthur -- My dad
William Pitts -- Roommate (Will)
Ronny -- Will's best friend.
George Wiggins
Darrel -- George's roommate
Chapter 5
"Jamey, I have been meaning to say something to you for -- well -- too long now." Will said on Sunday night, after I came back. "I way overreacted when you went home a couple weeks ago. I wanted to apologize. Is that the reason you've been going home on the weekends since then?"
"No Dude. Sorry if you thought that. I've been seeing a doctor."
"Really? Bud -- what's wrong? Are you okay?"
"I'm better." I said, cautiously.
"What was the problem?" I was hoping he wouldn't ask.
"Dude, I really don't want to talk about it."
"Oh. Okay." Now it was obvious he felt hurt.
"It's just that - - it's not something I like to talk about. Is that okay with you?" I said.
"Yeah, I understand." He said too quickly. "It's just that -- we used to talk about everything. I worry that I've screwed that up. I can't think of anything I wouldn't have told you -- a few weeks ago. Now we hardly talk."
"I know." I said. "Saturday, Habby asked me about us -- you and me -- and I told him we were tight. I guess I lied."
"Jamey, I was really lonely this weekend -- here all by myself."
"I thought -- I -- wasn't -- Ronny here?"
"No."
"But you're so close to home. Why didn't you just go home?"
He looked at me for the longest time, as is considering whether or not to tell me something. "I just don't get along with my old man. It's nothing."
"That's something!" I exclaimed. "That's a huge thing."
"It'd be something if he cared about me. He doesn't give a shit what happens to me. And my mom -- she always takes his side. How do you get along with your parents?"
"I get along with my dad fine. My mom died when I was nine."
"OO! That had to be hard!"
"Yeah." I said. I thought about it and decided he deserved to know. "It's why I have been seeing the doctor. She's a shrink."
"Oh! Wow! You never told me about -- wait! Didn't you tell me that your mother worries about you -- being gay and stuff? And when you got the `Z', you said she was worried about it."
"Yeah, that's why I'm seeing the shrink. Some guys fantasize about sex. I fantasized my mom was still alive. Just don't let me buy any motels!"
"Huh?" He said.
"Norman Bates! Didn't you ever see `Psycho'?"
"No -- sorry. Anyway -- What can we do to -- well -- GET tight again?"
"I think we just started." I said.
"K." He said to the floor.
"Okay, what else is going on?" I asked him.
"Ronny. He has a new boyfriend."
"Shouldn't he?" I asked.
"I guess I didn't realize -- I really miss him!" It sounded more bitter than sad.
"Can I say something to you?" I asked
"Sure!"
"I think you reacted in the same way when you thought that Ronny and I were getting too tight. Unless you think you want Ronny for YOUR boyfriend, you gotta lighten up. Even then - "
"Yeah. I've given that a lot of thought." He said.
"What -- thought about Ronny as a boyfriend?" I said gingerly.
"Not exactly. But -- I don't have any other friends. Then first I lose you and now Ronny seems to be drifting away. I don't even have a girlfriend right now! But even if I did -- a guy needs a buddy." He said.
"Some guys need a sex-buddy!" I wanted to say -- but didn't.
"Jamey -- um -- when did you realize you were gay?"
"What?! You think I'm gay?!!"
"Hey, I'm being serious here. Please -- I just need to know." He pleaded.
"Sorry, Will. That's not easy to answer. Because on one hand, I'm still getting used to it myself. But on the other hand -- it seems I have always felt this way. Let me ask you one."
"Shoot!"
"When you got to middle school, did you guys dress down for P.E. -- and have to shower with the rest of the guys every day?"
"We didn't have to. We didn't even have to take P.E. But some didn't shower." He said
"Ew!"
"I know! I did -- because I didn't want to smell the rest of the day." He said. "In my junior year, I had 6th period P.E. I always waited til I got home. I didn't like getting naked with the other guys."
"I was fascinated by it -- at first. I was also scared." I said. "I - "
"Scared of what?" he said, almost attacking me with his question.
"I was always scared I would pop a boner in the shower!" I said.
"Me too!" He admitted. "I don't think I'm gay, but seeing all that meat in one place sometimes excited me -- well, maybe excited is not - "
(Did I hear that right? Did he say he doesn't THINK he's gay?)
"No -- I think it IS the right word." I said. "I really think that most guys are curious and didn't we ALL want the biggest dick? Haha! I used to flip mine several times to at least get the wrinkles out, so it would hang long. As fearful as I was of popping a big one, I was more afraid of someone making fun of my dick!"
"Oh my Gosh! You did that too? I thought I was the only one!" Will laughed.
"It never occurred to me THEN why half the guys strutted around with half-erections!" I said, also laughing. Then I decided to risk again. It turned out pretty well the other night! "Will -- can I show you something?"
"Sure! Anything!"
(Anything, huh? Okay, here goes) I stepped up to Will and put my hands on his face, then came closer, tilted my head and put my lips on his. His eyes got big. "Open your mouth, Will! Count this as an experiment."
He drew his head back and stared for a moment. Then he closed his eyes and planted the kiss I had been waiting all my life for -- on my lips! I put my arms around his back. He followed suit. Our lips never left each other, as our tongues explored the other's teeth, gums, tongue. He moaned. My eyes were closed but I opened them, and saw tears dripping from his still-closed eyes. He pulled me even closer. I grabbed his butt and he let out a groaning moan, and pushed his pelvis up, shoving his package into my groin.
Then it was my turn to moan. I was the first to break the kiss. I whispered in his ear, "Omigod, I love you, Will!"
"Oh!" he groaned again, as he pulled me onto the bed.
I said, "Wait!" as I got up to bolt the door. When I came back, he was looking at me with wet eyes. "Will, are you sure you want to do this?"
"I have to find out once and for all." He answered. "Yes, I want it. I want to finish what we started at the beginning of the semester!"
"What do you perceive `finish' to mean?" I asked.
"I don't know! -- Whatever it means." He was pleading to me with his voice, his body and his eyes.
"Will -- I'm a virgin." I said. I was now really getting terrified where this might go. Terrified because, if this was `an experiment' as I had earlier suggested, then what if he decides it's not what he wants?
"Me too -- to sex with a guy. I mean Ronny and me -- we used to suck and play -- and stuff, but never -- well, you know."
I wanted this so much I could taste and feel it with every part of my body. But I was afraid. I didn't want my first time to end with, "That was interesting. I don't know -- I'll get back to you." I wanted something definite -- tonight! I wanted my first fuck to be with someone I love -- who loved me in return. I thought about George. I thought about Darrel. I thought about the older guy, Carl. I felt like I was in love with each one of them! Alarms went off in my head! What's with me, anyway? Am I sick?
All these things went through my head in an instant, as I lay there looking into his wet eyes. I couldn't thing of anything to say, so I hugged him closer. I guess he took that as a good sign. He started to unbutton my shirt. Now it was my turn to cry. I squeezed out the tears by closing my eyes, but they just kept coming. Good sense told me to stop, but my heart wouldn't let me. Before I knew it we were both naked as we had been earlier in the semester, only it was under the covers again this time, because of the cold.
I got lost in his body. His warm skin. His soft skin. His fine, soft hair on his arms. His soft moist lips. His hard, raging boner gently being thrust toward me. His sensual hands all over my own body. Is this what he did with Ronny?
"Have you ever done this with Ronny?" I asked.
"No." he shivered and said, "I have never done this with anyone. I've fucked a few girls, but I never felt this aroused, never loved the feel of their bodies -- as I love to feel yours." He nuzzled my neck. "God, this turns me on!"
Well, needless to say, it was turning me on too. I was about to jump out of my skin! My body ached to go to the next step. Somewhere way back in the recesses of my brain, the alarm that was so strong just a few moments earlier was being drowned out by the music of what was happening at the moment. Still - - I again reviewed how I felt about those other guys, while my body was hot and ready to explode. I was sure each of those times that I was in love. Wasn't this love I was feeling? It was surely the strongest feeling I ever felt! And it felt GOOD! Isn't that love?
"O -- Will -- I love you so much!" I said. He didn't say it back -- at least not in words. But when I said that, he pressed further with his passion. His hand, which was around my throbbing meat, worked it's way to my scrotum, gently massaging it up into my body, as if to push the good feeling there up to the surface, Then his finger grazed my anus. It made me shiver with delight and I moaned loudly. He massaged it for awhile. He started to try to put his finger in me, but it was too dry.
"I think you need to lube it somehow. Do we have any -- oh -- just use some spit!" I said in desperation."
He quickly squirted some spit into his hand and when the cool wet finger touched my hot sphincter muscle at the opening to my anus, I let out a little shriek. He kissed me deeply as he worked his finger into the place where until this moment nothing had ever gone in. I felt my butt clench onto his finger involuntarily.
We were on my bed. He said "Wait!" and he went to his bed and got out a tube from the drawer beside it.
"The spit wasn't enough." He said, as he squirted some of the slippery K-Y on my anus and more on his finger. He rubbed it across the hole as he purred, "Relax, Jamey. This has to work, but only if you can relax."
"Okay -- okay --okay -- let me concentrate." I said. I panted and lay there trying to relax my whole body, as he started to massage it again. When I was completely relaxed, he gently pushed his finger in. It felt good, but my body again tried to clamp down. "Leave it there, sweetheart!" I said. "Let me relax."
He kept enough pressure to keep it in me as I gave it my all to relax once again. His finger went in deeper. I was still relaxed. Deeper. Relaxed. Then I felt him take short strokes as I continued to concentrate. Then his lips were on mine again, and I was kissing him passionately, as I began to feel the intense, deep satisfaction of his finger slipping in and out. He took it out altogether.
The acrid smell reached our noses at the same time. "I can't do this!" He said. My stomach was about to rebel too. "Gotta go wash my hands!" he said.
"Yeah!" I agreed.
He came back. The magic had been lost. We jacked then sucked each other off, and fell asleep in my bed. It was pretty early, so we woke up early too.
"We have a few hours `til our first classes." Will said. "Lets go out to breakfast."
We went to the student center and had some waffles and eggs. He touched my knee under the table. "Thanks, Jamey -- for everything." I just kept looking in his eyes. "You really have helped me to make some hard decisions."
"Glad to help, Will. I sure love - - loved helping out."
GOD he was beautiful this morning. I was thankful I was in the right place at the right time.
"Jame, I think I might be gay -- or at least bi. But after last night -- I think the gay side is winning out."
"You THINK!?" I couldn't help it!
"Jame -- it's not a joyous thing to finally admit. I didn't want this!"
"Sorry, I wasn't meaning anything bad. I guess I'm just happy it was I who was there when you figured it out."
"Me too, Jame -- me too! You're the best!" I felt the best too -- like I had just been accepted into heaven!
"You know you mean the world to me too, Will." I said. I wanted to say "I love you so much!" But I had already said it a few times -- and I think he is a little uncomfortable with the `L' word.
He said, "I just hope I'm not too late."
"Too late?" I said. You're only 20! I'm 18. How could you be too late?"
He looked at me like, "What?" but said, "I hope I'm not too late to get Ronny! I just can't imagine loving anyone else! I might have really screwed up, waiting this long."
Oh! My heart! Omigod this hurts! I had to look away to gather my self. I hyperventilated a little.
"You okay, Dude?"
"Yeah. Some milk -- wrong tube!" I coughed and coughed. That covered for the tears that I couldn't hold back. He was on me in a second, patting my back.
"Dude -- you okay?"
"Yeah," I said hoarsely, just let me catch my breath a moment. I took a deep breath and smiled. "Okay. I'm okay now." I said. "But now I gotta go take a dump! You can go on to class if you want. I have an idea this may take awhile." I got up and almost ran to the cafeteria men's room. I got in there, closed and latched the door and then let the rest of the tears come.
How could I have been so dumb. He never told me he loved me back! And the only time I told him was when we were being passionate. That must happen all the time! In the heat of passion people say all kinds of things - - don't they? But - - when that passionate moment is gone -- do they still hurt like I do?
I wandered through the day in numbness. When we met at night, he was so sweet to me. So sweet it hurt to breathe. He called Ronny. Made a date to meet him at a coffee shop.
"Dad?"
"What's wrong, Jamey?"
"I wanna come home."
"You have a car now."
"No! I don't want to stay here! I just wanna come home!"
"Oh. What happened, Jay?" He only called me "Jay" when he was trying to console me.
"I -- I -- I - " I choked back a huge lump in my throat.
"Stay there, Jay. We'll be there in three hours. If you are asking my permission to leave the university, then no! That's not an option. We'll be there -- don't do anything stupid."
"Of course I won't do anything stupid! Dad?"
"Yeah?" He said.
"Please don't bring Habby!"
"You think I'm going to leave him here? Not gonna happen!"
"Dad! He's almost 15! He can be left alone for a few hours."
"James, did you know he has been Boffing that girl -- your friend, George's cousin?"
Uh-oh. He only calls me James when he is upset. "I -- ahem! I suspected as much."
"James -- Habby is only 14! What will he be doing by the time he's a senior?"
"I'm only 18, Dad."
"Oh -- point taken. Well, I guess leaving him alone for the night isn't going to change that. Make that 3 ½ hours. I have to go out and get Habby some rubbers. DAMN! What size will he take?"
"What? How should I know!"
"JAMES!"
"Okay, OKAY! Extra large!" I laughed.
"That little prick!" Dad said under his breath.
"Not really, Dad! That's the reason for the extra large!
"James, don't start with me. Habby gives me enough grief for two sons!"
"Dad, never mind. I'll be okay. I just needed to cry on someone's shoulder for awhile. You need to stay there with my brother -- I can see that. I'll be okay -- really. I may go out for a drive, tho."
"Be careful, Son." He called me "son" when he was "trying" to be fatherly.
"I will, Dad. Thanks -- for being willing to -- to -- be the super-dad."
"I love you, Jay."
"Love you too, Dad. Bye."
"Bye! See you on Friday?"
"Probably. I'll let you know for sure."
"I'm looking forward to going out again!"
"Bye." I said and clicked off.
I gathered up my keys and was almost to the door when my phone rang again.
"Really, Dad, I'm fine!" I said.
"I'm happy you're so fine." I looked at caller I.D. George!
"Oh! Haha! Hi, George. I was sure it was my dad. Sorry."
"S'cool, dude! Hey, I wanted to talk to you. Got a minute?"
"Actually I was just going out for a drive. Need to do some thinking."
"Hey! Can I come -- if I promise to be quiet?" he asked.
"I -- well, I guess! Sure! What the hell!"
"Kewl!"
"I'll pick you up." I said, as I pushed open the door. I hung up.
"Never mind, I'm here!" He laughed, walking up behind me.
"Scare the shit outa me, why don't `cha!" I said.
"Hey!" He said, and we punched fists. We walked in silence to the car. "Let me drive -- so you can think!" He offered. I let him.
We drove nowhere in particular for about ten minutes. "Okay!" I said. "I'm not going to be able to concentrate on what I came out here to think about -- wondering what it was you wanted to ask me!"
"You're too cute!" he said. "Actually, this is kinda serious. Mind if we stop?"
"Ohh-kaaaay". I said, suddenly more curious than before.
He pulled off by the ocean. The October moon was shining brightly on the water. I knew he had no way of knowing how vulnerable I was at the moment. "What's up, George?" I asked.
"Well, you know Mr. I've-got-it-all-together?"
"You must be talking about your roomie!"
"Yeah. He asked me to talk to you. I think you have ruined life as he thought he knew it!"
"Wha -- aat?" I queried.
"Dude! He is always so damned sure of himself -- even when he's wrong! But this has really thrown him for a loop. That's why he actually asked me to talk to you."
"Talk to me? About what?"
"Jamey -- this is even hard for me to say -- but -- he thinks he -- he -- wants you!" As soon as he said it, he turned his face away from me. I knew then that this was a supreme sacrifice for George.
"George -- I'm sorry! I had no intent- "
"Forget about it! I was getting nowhere with him -- zero!" George turned and his eyes were glassy. "I guess it took you to bring him -- out!"
"Hmph!" I exclaimed. "I don't think he even knew there was something to `come out' -- do you?"
"You have to remember -- I've been his roommate for the last 3 months. Yeah, I saw the signs -- the tendencies. But yeah -- he hides it well. Mostly by his arrogance, I think. He walks around like he's king-shit. No one knows what a pussy he really is. No, that's not fair. That's my own anger -- and hurt -- talking. But He really is such a tender hearted guy -- when you get him alone and in your confidence."
"George -- I hardly know the guy. I just don't know what to say. Damn! Do you wanna know why I was gonna take a drive -- what I wanted to think about -- sort out?" I said, then not giving him time to even answer, I continued. "I was trying to get used to the idea that my roommate, Will isn't gay, then he comes on to me gangbusters, and I am feeling totally in love with him.
"He then this morning thanks me -- for making him see that he is gay -- and now he can pursue a relationship with his best friend -- who is gay. I thought he was going to thank me and ask me to be his boyfriend! Man was I fucked up!" I looked into his glassy eyes through my own tears.
"So -- Jamey -- what do I tell my -- er -- friend. Are you interested?"
"I -- don't know. I like him. Obviously we connected." I said. Then sighed. "But - - I'd like to see him. Damn!"
"What?"
I dunno. I just feel like such an idiot! This whole situation -- he's shy about talking to me himself. And I'm hella sure shy about talking to - - ANYONE!"
"So -- um -- you want me to tell him -- you don't know?"
"No. Tell him the truth -- the whole truth that you know. Tell him everything we talked about. He deserves to know. I may need some time to get over a love that never existed. See how messed up I am!?"
"Okay -- but - "
"Oh! And -- tell him I'd like to talk to him about it."
"Okay."
When I got back to my dorm room, I was glad that it was all dark. I just didn't want to face being with anyone else just then. I came in to the room, and kicked off my shoes and didn't even get undressed. It was cold and my flannel shirt felt good. I collapsed on my bed and looked at the ceiling in the dark. I heard my clock flip to the next hour. 1:00 PM. I had classes the next day, and I wanted to sleep, but sleep was not coming. I thought I heard a squeak, but then realized it was probably the guys upstairs.
Then there was a shuddering sigh -- from Will's bed.
"Will?" I said softly.
"(Swallow!) Yeah."
"What's up?" I said, getting up and padding to his bed. I sat next to him. He was under his covers.
"I -- think -- (SOB!) I think I've lost a friend -- a BEST friend."
"What happened, Will?" I said, rubbing his shoulder.
"He doesn't -- doesn't think that I'm `his type'! What the fuck does that mean? We're best friends -- or were! How could I not be his type?"
"Why do you say `were'? Aren't you still friends?"
"How can we be best friends when one of us wants more -- and the other doesn't?"
In the mostly darkness, I could see his eyes hoping I might have an answer. "I know -- what you mean." I said with a sigh.
"You too?" He asked. "Well at least we have each other to cry on!" He chuckled. "That guy that is your neighbor -- George is it? So -- he doesn't see you two together either huh?"
"No, it's not him. Look, it's awfully late." I said to change the subject. "We better get to sleep." I got up to go back to my bed.
"Jame -- don't go!" He asked. "What's -- I mean -- I thought you guys -- I mean -- can't you tell I need you to -- be with me -- right now? I'm really hurting here. And -- it seems you could do with some consoling too. He threw back his covers. "Just -- I dunno -- maybe just hold me awhile."
I shucked off my jeans and shirt -- and tee -- and climbed in beside him. Obviously he just wanted consolation -- nothing more. Maybe he even wanted -- something more in the way of consolation, but - - he obviously didn't want what I wanted. I turned on my side and backed up to him. He spooned me for awhile, then said, Turn around Jame -- please?"
"Oh my God, if only you knew how I feel!" I thought. "Tell him!" said something inside me. No! I have told him already -- at least twice -- and he -- didn't tell me - - back! I turned to face him.
"Can I kiss you, Jamey? I know it's not real, but -- maybe we can pretend it is! God, Jame! I haven't even ever kissed him!" he said and he grabbed me and buried his face in my neck. He wasn't out of control, but I could feel his non-stop tears run down my neck. HE couldn't tell that mine were dropping silently to the pillow. He kissed my neck and then closed his eyes and put his lips on mine. My lips were tight at first, but when they loosened up, I felt his mouth open and he moaned. He sucked on my lower lip, then moved back to my neck. He hugged me close -- our boners straining to reach each other. Then he let me go.
"Thanks. I really needed a good hug, Jame. You're the best!" he said and nuzzled my neck. I wasn't sure what to do next -- so I did nothing. Then he said, "You can go back to your bed now unless -- unless you want to stay. I'd love you to. Your warmth really helps -- right now."
I took a heaving sigh and turned back over and again backed into his body. This time, he pulled me in close and kissed the back of my head. "G'nite, roomie!" Will said.
Will slept deep and peacefully all night. I know, I was there -- awake -- all night. In the morning, I pretended I was fine, as we got ready and went to the student center for breakfast. I felt all constipated. I knew I was full of shit, anyway, so I got some stewed prunes and a bran muffin -- with raisins. When Will went to class, I walked off the campus and to the cliffs overlooking an overcast shrouded ocean.
The gray water met the gray sky in one continuous sweep, interrupted only by Santa Cruz Island, which was the only thing providing definition between them. It definitely matched my mood and actually was a little comforting to me, giving the illusion that I wasn't really as alone as I felt. I was missing my advanced chem class. No loss. Chemistry came easy to me. But the chemistry I wanted alluded me.
I walked back to the dorm. As I was going in the door, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a very well dressed guy, walking briskly toward me. I strained to keep my eyes on the pavement.
"James! There you are! I stopped by your chem class, but you weren't there." Said Darrel.
"I -- know it -- didn't need to be there."
"Oh. Cool! I wish it came that easy to me! Ever since Chem 1.1, I've struggled with the elemental table. I think it's a mental block."
"I have it memorized." I said,
"How do you do it?"
"Heh!" I chuckled. "My dad bought me flash cards! It worked wonders! Hey! I actually have them here. You want them?"
"I wouldn't mind borrowing them."
"They're up in my room. Got a moment? Oh that's right, you were looking for me. What did you need?" (As if I didn't already know!)
"Let's go up to your room." He said.
I stepped in the room and held the door for Darrel. HE stopped between me and closing the door. He stepped to my face. "James, have you - - thought about -- what George asked you about last night?"
Avoiding his direct glance, I left him to close the door, and walked to my desk where the flash cards were.
"I know exactly where they are." I said. "Don't know why I kept them."
"I do." Darrel said. "There are not accidents. You saved them for the same reason I needed them." I kept silent, waiting for the explanation. "You saved them -- to give us another chance to be alone -- in a private place. Ever since we met, I have been able to think of little else except you." He backed me up to the wall as he talked.
"This really is a very bizarre soap opera!" I said. He gave me a blank look. "Ronny, Will's best friend" has a new boyfriend. Will likes Ronny. I like Will. You like me, and George likes you!"
"What? George? Likes me? He never said anything."
"Well -- maybe `likes' is a bit of an understatement. Darrel, he loves you!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Well, if not it's a huge case of infatuation."
"Really?" He said with a hint of a smile. "God, I never -- Jordy? I guess I've been so concentrated on my own stuff -- It just never -- Jordy! Wow! Well! I guess my deepest concern now is my parents. They are so clueless! George is so obviously gay -- and they don't have a clue!"
"Well, then it shouldn't be too hard to keep it from them -- until you're ready to spring it."
"God, I hate being deceitful though! My dad has been the best dad in the world! But ^Å he has some real problems with gays." Said Darrel.
"Well, you know your parents better than I do - - duh! And of course I wouldn't even try to advise YOU in my inexperience and ignorance of your situation at home." I said.
"But - - ?" He asked. I blushed. "It's obvious you WOULD have some advice if you DID know us better."
"I dunno. I -- well, it's just -- if your dad is as great as you say he is -- and he surely seemed like it to me -- then I don't know what you're worried about. But even not knowing, I can almost guarantee he won't understand. If he has problems with gays, it will be hard on him." I said.
His eyes welled up again. "Jamie -- I don't understand it myself! It's damned hard for me. I -- don't know how to handle it. Jordy -- loves me? Wow."
"Anyway, do you really think it would be so hard to spare your dad the hurt of knowing you are -- gay -- for at least long enough to be sure about it yourself?"
"I guess you're right. I really don't want to hurt him."
"So," I said, trying to put two and three together and come up with four, "do you think you could go for George?"
"I -- just don't -- I mean I like him and all. Damn! It's so much more than `like'! We depend on each other. We have shared so much -- with each other. He's the only one -- besides you -- who knows I'm finally admitting that I could be gay - maybe. So -- I have to say -- I love him! But -- I don't know if I love him THAT way. I also have to say -- he sure is a cutey!" He giggled nervously. "I was just getting used to the idea that I liked -- er -- you. This IS a soap opera." Darrel marveled.
"Either that or God is a guy named Steve and he delights in tormenting his creations!"
Notes: Amazing how much being an author is like being a god! <<Steve laughs evilly!>>
Again, thanks for all your notes of appreciation and support. I even appreciate the complaints -- it shows your reading! I answer ALL letters, but recently a lot of them have been coming back as undeliverable. I don't know if it's Hotmail, but most of the ones not deliverable are from AOL addresses. Thanks again, and love, Steve stevethomas535@hotmail.com