This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be very pure either! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of Characters:
James Thomas Arthur (Jamey)
Harold Brian Arthur -- Jamey's Brother (Habby)
Harold Garfield Arthur -- Jamey's dad
William Pitts -- Roommate (Will)
Ronny -- Will's best friend.
George Wiggins
Darrel -- George's roommate
Dr. Steve Arlan Jordan -- Doctor
Grant (Buddy) Windward -- Waiter at Holdren's
John -- Neighbor across the hall.
Jerry -- John's roomie
Seth -- Ronny's cousin
Luke -- Seth's partner
Robert Rexburg -- High school friend
Yolanda -- Robert's wife.
Joey -- Flight Attendant
From Chapter 26
"Do you remember -- um -- how I said good night to you?" I asked.
"OHHhh yeahhh! You climbed on top of me, and did something that made me laugh. What did you do?"
"I kissed you." I said. "Let's get up." I decided that if Steve wants to "let his hair down" once in a while, it's okay. My feeling s were hurt, but I've given him plenty to worry about. I also decided that it was my goal to get Steve to let his hair down -- without the need of getting wasted.
Chapter 27
Waffles were as good as ever. Steve and Dad both grinned a lot during breakfast, bringing questioning looks from some -- like my brother. But then Habby also had a shit-eating-grin that I couldn't figure out. I wondered if he was spying or something. He seems awfully immature for 16.
Heh! Like I was so mature for a 21-year-old! I didn't have as much wine as Steve -- or apparently my dad -- last night, but I was glad I had some. All these revelations were pretty hard on me. I looked down at the gorgeous ring that was too big for me, and I felt foolish wearing it.
But when Steve suggested I take it off until we get to the jewelry store, I balked.
The Escalade's middle seats both reclined, and it was a good thing that Seth and Luke slept well last night. Seth drove home and Steve and I slept most of the way home. Grant and John followed us.
We stopped for lunch at a roadside cafe.
"Jamey -- do you want to drive your own car the rest of the way? I'm having trouble staying awake."
"Well then I better drive, Grant! We've been snoozing here anyway." I answered.
"Can I ride with you, Jamey?" Said Seth. "I still wanted to talk some to you before we get back."
I looked at my sweetheart. He nodded. "That'll give me some time to get to know Luke, maybe." Steve said, winking at the blue haired Hawaiian. "If you want, I can take over the helm for you, Luke."
Luke willingly let Steve drive the big SUV. They followed Seth and me in my Z. "So what did you want to talk about?" I asked Seth.
"I was wondering -- how did you feel about what happened this weekend?"
"Which part? A lot happened. Oh! You probably don't know. My dad told me that same night that he is dating men now -- YOUNG men."
"How's that make you feel." He said as if it didn't phase him in the least.
"Weird -- but what can I say? It's no different than Steve and me. It's strange. It'\s like a double standard, I guess. It's -- well -- sort of okay to tell your parents you're gay, but - "
"Not with a lot of kids. That's the hardest thing in the world for many. It was even hard for me, as great as my parents were. It meant that they would have no offspring with children to carry on the name. But of course my brother turned that around with the adoption of his kids."
"Anyway, it's just weird to have your dad tell you he likes -- guys! I didn't know whether to laugh cry, or rejoice. I still don't. It makes me worry a little about my little brother."
"Why?"
"Good question. I know that sexual preference isn't supposed to be genetic, but if both my dad and I have it - "
"I don't think anyone knows if it's genetic or not. But if a guy is or is not gay, whether or not his parent is won't change his sexuality. If Habby is straight, nothing your dad can do will change that."
"But what if he's bisexual?"
"Welllll - - I think that most of us ARE bi to some degree. To what degree, is the question, I guess, and what a relationship can put up with."
"Huh?" I said.
"Jamey, you told me that you've known from an early age that you are gay. I accept that. I, on the other hand wasn't as sure as you. At 17 years old I was as confused as a boy could be. And -- if I hadn't by accident seen my brother -- and Craig -- I may have never really acknowledged this side of me. I still am attracted to girls. I am! But what if I married a girl and she later found out I was also attracted to guys?"
"Does Luke know this?" I asked.
"Of course!"
"What does he think about it? Does he care?"
"I can't imagine that he doesn't care. Jamey -- I'm weak. I've told you that before. I have to constantly be vigil anyway. And -- I am! But one way I accomplish this is -- I just don't put myself into positions where I can get in trouble. Even now -- I wanted them to follow us so that both Luke and Steve can see us."
"Are you saying that -- um -- are you attracted to me?"
"Of course. And by your eyes I can tell that you are to me too. This kind of attraction can be sneaky. Brotherly love can turn on a dime to sexual love. That's what happens all the time when people are in close situations and aren't vigilant. When we were in the back seat of the Caddy, our guys were right there, so it was comfortable for me to take your hand -- and even for you to lay on my lap. I would NEVER do that if Luke wasn't there. I don't trust myself enough for that, and - - I don't trust anyone else more than I do myself. We are all sexual beings."
"I thought it was only because I'm young. You mean I'll always fight these feelings?"
"It's worse when you're as young as you are. You especially have to be very careful, if you want to preserve what you have with Steve."
"Wow!" Was all I could say.
"Which brings me to my other question." Seth said. "Were you as uncomfortable as you looked last night when Steve gave you that ring?"
"Duh!" I said, holding up the ring to the light.
"I thought that was unfair, actually."
"YOU DID!??" I said. "Oh, Seth, I'm happy you said that. I thought so too, but my dad didn't seem bothered with it."
"He seemed to be in on it."
"I know!"
"How do you feel, about it - - today?"
"Actually -- I'm okay with it. You know what bothered me the most?"
"Yes."
"You do? What?"
"You feel intimidated by his gift. You can't compete."
"Gosh, you know everything!" I said, and felt somewhat like a hero-worshipper. "But my dad told me not to worry so much about that. That all relationships are lopsided to some degree that way."
"Mine sure is! I mean I make very little as a counselor for the county. And -- well -- Luke owns an airline! Probably out-trumps most doctors I know!"
"Why are you guys living there with the Smiths?"
"Uncle Jake and Aunt Lindy really want us there, and we like it. I guess - - because we can. We want to eventually move back to Vermont with our brothers - "
"Brothers?" I said.
"Well, yeah. Chris is my only blood brother, but Craig, Jake and Colin, Rob and Denny -- all are adoptive parents to all my nieces and nephews. You knew they are all siblings -- right?"
I was in awe! "I -- well, not exactly. I mean -- that's great! Do you also want to -- um -- have a family? I just never considered it as a possibility."
"It's unique. Starting with Jake -- my real cousin -- he and Colin adopted two of the children and then with the help of Rob -- also coming from a rich family -- they bought this large tract of land in Vermont. Did you know that the children's' mother is also there -- caring for them like in a full time day care center?"
"And they all live together?"
"No -- they each have their own house. It's called a compound. There's plenty of room for our house when we want to build it. But we're happy as we are for the moment."
"I wonder if there would be room for a doctor in that compound." I mused.
"Jamey -- I know that Uncle Jake already considers you almost as family."
"Why -- what did I do to - "
"Don't ask why the Smith's open their home to certain people. They just do. Maybe you just appeared at the right time. Uncle Jake was for whatever reason -- impressed with you. Etta has some amount of influence on him too, I think -- and she sure as heck likes you! But you have a lot of considering to do before making any decisions of that nature. The main reason I wanted to talk to you was I was concerned about last night. But it seems you have dealt with it pretty well."
"It's nice to know that someone else was uncomfortable with it."
"Oh, I think most everyone -- at least the adults -- were weirded out. Does he drink like that often?"
"Never -- as long as I have been with him."
"It's something to watch, is all."
"Well, Steve did say he liked long engagements." I quipped. "But I'm more worried about me disappointing him than the other way around."
"That's a good perception, Jamey."
Seth fell asleep soon after that. Guess driving that Caddy got him tired. We pulled into the Smith's driveway at mid-afternoon. We traded cars again. I rode with Steve and asked Grant to drive mine back to school. Steve drove toward his house.
"Steve, I want to take a nap then I have a ton of homework that I put off until tonight."
"So -- we should not plan to be together tonight?"
"Right."
"Okay, but I did want to talk a bit to you before taking you home. Why don't you nap at my house -- I could use one too, and I'd love to do it with you."
"Oh. I guess that would work."
"Good. Jamey -- I just mostly wanted to apologize for last night. Luke and I talked a lot while I was driving. Did you know he owns an airline?"
"Yes. It's family owned."
"Anyway, he -- well, made me realize that I was out of line with what I did last night. If you have second thoughts about -- it -- we should maybe think about postponing -- it -- for awhile."
"I don't." I said simply.
He pulled his car over to the curb and stopped. "What's wrong?" I said.
"I -- can't -- see!" he said, his eyes full of tears. "Jamey, I love you so damned much. I hope someday you will feel the same about me."
I placed my hand aside his scratchy face and said, "Steve, what makes you so sure I don't feel that way already?" I didn't know what else to say. But I said, "I don't know if I'll ever be able to show you in material things, but I care for you more than I've ever anyone in my life. I call that love. I want it to last -- forever. What are the odds?"
He placed his hand on mine, and tilted his head into them. "The odds are against us -- I know. Our age difference."
"Our earning power difference." I said.
"Our sexuality. Most gay couples don't make it very long. But - - some do, sweetheart."
"That's what I want, Steve, more than anything else in the world. I want to hold on to what we have -- now."
He grinned widely, his eyes shining almost effervescently. He wiped his eyes and drove us to his place.
When we got into the house, Steve took my hand and led me to the bed. "Let's take that nap and let you get to your studies.
I felt so secure just falling asleep in Steve's arms. There was no pressure -- from either of us -- to do anything sexual. If there was -- if he wanted it -- I would have gladly done anything he wanted. But I just slept peacefully -- no dreams -- for 3 hours.
"Sweetheart!" he said, squeezing me from behind. "You should wake up so you can study."
"Have you been here the whole time?" I said, somewhat disoriented. "Oh yeah, were at your place."
"I have been."
"Did you just wake up too?" I asked
"I didn't sleep." He said with a chuckle.
"Ohhh, Steve! I'm sorry!"
"Why sorry? Do you imagine that there was anything I would have rather been doing these past couple hours than holding you?" I yawned big, and snuggled deeper into his body. "Jamey -- we can grab something to eat on the way back to your place. Well, maybe there could be a couple things I may have rather been doing! But now you need to study - - right?"
"Y-e-a-a-h, I guess." I said sleepily. "I feel as if I've been drugged."
"Must have been my intoxicating presence!" Steve joked. "Get up now, my sleepy boy!" He said, but did not move from his position behind me in bed.
"I love it when you call me your boy."
"Me too." He said and I felt his soldier react. I pushed myself back into it, and he said, "Ooooooo! You are so tempting! But you need to get your work done, sweetheart."
"I know." I said and I reluctantly moved away and sat up on the edge of the bed. I grabbed his -- by now -- his very much at attention soldier and said, "You are the one who's tempting!" I squeezed, he groaned and I hopped up and went for my crumpled up clothing -- still on the floor where I had sloughed them off. "Steve - - ?"
"Huh?"
"I've been -- um -- thinking."
"Uh-oh!" he laughed.
"You know, semester's end is in six weeks. I'll definitely be getting a new roomie when that happens. I'm not sure I want to deal with that."
"Oh?" he said as if he was oblivious to what I was hunting at.
"Steve, before Saturday night, I really had some strong inhibitions about this -- but - "
"Jamey -- do you want to come stay with me here for awhile?" He said, simply.
That sounded so much easier -- not so threatening somehow as "Do you want to move in together?"
"I didn't want to be the one to bring it up, but -- yeah!"
"I'm sorry that I didn't think of it sooner. At least in those terms. I've wanted you here with me since the first night we met. And I definitely want it now. But it didn't occur to me that you would soon have to tell the University your plans for living arrangements for the next semester." He said.
"You -- you wanted -- er -- I mean -- since we first met?"
"I felt so sorry for you, as you saw the life slipping out of your -- buddy. I was going to say lover, but it really didn't get that far yet -- did it?"
"Not really. We slept together a lot, but we didn't do much, and we also had just the week before decided to go together. He was gonna tell his parents about his -- sexuality -- that weekend. I assume he did. The night he was murdered, he and his friend Ronny were not dong anything except spending the night together -- I guess. He had a huge crush on Ronny, but Ronny was already going with someone else. Will's dad was way off the mark on that!"
"That was very tragic."
"Yeah. But anyway -- you wanted me that night?" I was not gonna let this get away form me.
"Yeah. As I said, I felt so sorry for you. I knew he wasn't going to make it. I could see in your body language that you weren't -- well -- like `together' together. But you were so broken hearted to lose this sweet friend. I wish I could have known him."
"What -- er -- um -- what would you have done -- with me -- if you took me home?"
"Nothing. I just wanted so much to comfort you. It seemed like you weren't getting it from your dad -- at the time. Now that I know him better, I expect I was wrong on that count. But I just wanted to comfort you."
"Comfort me -- in your bed?"
"Well, haha, maybe. I didn't think that far ahead. I just knew that I liked you -- a lot more I guess -- than I even admitted to myself then. Jamey, I had never done anything with any man -- or woman for that matter -- up to meeting you. So I didn't have a clue as to what I really wanted."
"And now - - you do?"
"You know I do! I want nothing and no one -- but you."
"I was a little worried that you would weird out over my fetish about pain. But I thought you should know."
"As if I couldn't tell! I was a little concerned -- as evidenced by my making you come in for a look. You made it abundantly clear that you didn't enjoy what that Robert scum did to you! Now that might have worried me."
"Seth told me that when he was kidnapped -- he was actually a little disappointed that he wasn't sexually attacked. That was when he was 17. But I guess it's not all that unusual."
"I've heard that. It still bothers me a little when I know that I'm hurting you, but -- I damn sure am not gonna let it spoil what we have. I WAS worried about other diseases that he might have passed to you. But apparently he's clean. You were negative in all tests. Jamey -- I have to tell you -- I was devastated when that happened. It was as if I felt like I should have been there to protect you. I felt like a complete failure. That's why I didn't want to leave your side afterward -- especially when you collapsed at the beach. Omigod Jamey! Talk about freaking! I was so afraid that I would lose you! Your throat doesn't hurt any more, does it?"
"My throat healed faster than I would have believed. Matter of fact, I was surprised how fast it healed."
"The throat and mouth do heal very fast. The fact that Robert was so clean of any kind of virus even, probably helped a lot. All you had was some chaffing of the membranes. They heal amazingly fast -- when compared to other parts of the body -- especially parts that are exposed to the outside air." He paused to breath. "That's right! You were on me with your mouth almost within hours of the attack! Even though your voice took a little longer to clear up."
"Um -- where were we?" I asked. "We keep getting side-tracked."
"Yeah, probably my fault. Does it bother you?"
"What?"
"Okay, now I know you need to get some food in you. You're getting delirious! Does it bother you that I had such strong feelings about you that first week we met?"
"Well, I obviously knew that you called me -- I just thought that you were being the good doctor -- at first. And when you took me to your house -- and didn't do anything -- I was confused."
"Jamey, you were a very sick boy at that time."
"Yeah, I know -- All I was worried about was that I hadn't closed the door well enough and had let the house get all cold."
"That was the least of my worries. Jamey -- if you move in -- and I buy us a set of work out equipment -- will you use it?"
"What? Why - "
"I really think that being so thin -- as much as that turns me on -- makes you less resistant -- to viruses and such. I'm thinking may it might help if you worked out -- a little. I could use it too!"
"Funny thing! Seth told me to work out too."
"Seth seems to have more on the ball than most."
By this time we were both dressed and we went out to his car. He drove to Holdren's and we had a great dinner. Grant wasn't working, but Grant wasn't the only eye candy at that restaurant! Our waiter kept eyeing both Steve and me. I suppose we were making our relationship obvious, but I looked eye to eye with this cute guy several times. Hrmph! Maybe I was imagining it! Not every cute guy is gay -- right?
When we left the restaurant, I asked Steve to take me to Grant's dorm. "I need to pick up my car."
When Steve drove away, I walked up to Grants door. My car was there. It didn't dawn on me that he wouldn't be. I walked the long distance from the beach to my own place. As I let myself in, I heard noise coming from John's room. I slammed my door hard -- on purpose -- to let him know I was there.
Tap-tap.
"Come in, John."
"Are you okay?" He said as he opened the door. " The way you slammed the door, I had to wonder."
"Oh! Heh. Yeah, I'm alright. Steve just asked me to move in with him."
"Oh! Wow! Haha! I just convinced Grant to move in with me! "I've finally had enough of Jerry! He's straight -- which wouldn't be a problem except -- he's kinda homey-phobey, and I really think -- jealous as hell."
"Jealous of Grant?"
"Of the fact that I have a boyfriend and he doesn't have a girlfriend. He's a real ass hole!"
"You said Grant's moving in with you! What about his place on the beach?"
"He's willing to give it up. And since Jerry is a senior already, he was able to actually trade with Grant."
"Well, I'm happy for you -- I guess. It seems kinda sudden though."
"We have 6 weeks to think it over. But we both want it as of now. Some times I get the feeling that Grant is lowering his standard for me, but he is really such a babe -- and cool -- and he is warming up to me."
"Yeah, that sounds like a really solid relationship to be to the moving in stage!"
"I'm with Buddy most of the time."
"And you think that will work out?"
"What've I got to lose? I'm a plain looking guy that will maybe never have a chance at such a babe as Grant -- ever again."
"You know -- you're probably right. You're almost 21, right?" I asked.
"In two months."
"And Grant's 24 -- I think. He'll graduate this year. What will happen then -- with your living arrangements?"
"I have thought about that. Either we will move in together or if it doesn't work out, we may know by that time."
"Is he over there tonight?"
"Nuh-uh."
"Oh!" I said.
"Why?"
"Just surprised me. I went by his place -- to get my car - and he wasn't there."
SHIT! I wanted to take those words back!
"Oh! Well, he may be by now, He left just before you got here."
"Oh. Well, there's lots of different routes to take. I walked back from his place. I don't have keys to my car."
"Oh, he felt bad about that. He left them here -- for you." He reached into my pocket and retrieved them. "I was sort of listening for you anyway -- to give them to you."
"Aw -- thanks! You're such a sweetheart!"
John looked down and swung the door closed, and backed up on it. "Jamey -- you'll always be my first love. I think I'll always be in love with you."
"John!" I said, stepping back a pace. "I don't know what to say."
"It's okay. It's just that we didn't part on strong or bitter feelings -- and my feelings haven't changed any at all -- really."
I wanted to hug him -- to make it better. I thought about it. What could be wrong with a hug? So I stepped closer and took his hand. "John -- I don't think love stops. If it doesn't turn to hate, it must just keep being love. But - - in our society -- our culture -- it's become wrong to be with more than one person."
"I know." He said to the floor. I stepped all the way to him and took him in my arms.
"For whatever reason, I am with Steve now and - - you're with Grant -- or Buddy! We just have to confine our love to -- well -- like brothers."
"I know. But tell that to my heart!" He said as he clung to me like life itself. I felt myself getting aroused, so I freed myself and stepped away. He added, "Guess I better go - before I do something really stupid."
"For what it's worth -- I feel the same, John. But I have to tell you -- if you and Grant -- or Buddy -- make it, it's gonna get a lot sweeter than you can imagine."
"Is that what you are finding -- now?"
"Yeah."
"Oh." He said -- sounding almost disappointed. "Well, okay!" He said smiling. "See you later. I love you."
"Love you too, John." He went back across the hall.
In about five minutes, I received a call from Grant. "Sorry I missed you, Babe! Are you coning over to get your car now?"
"Naw. I'll get it after class tomorrow."
"Um -- what did you say to John? He was kind of flat when I left. Which kind of surprises me -- since I just told him I would move into his room next semester."
"He was a little down." I averred.
"He wasn't when I just talked to him! He seems a lot more -- um -- animated or something. I figured it must have been talking to you. I know it has that affect on me."
"We basically had the same conversation that you and I had last week. We parted saying `I love you'. But I left no grounds for anything. I told him that I hoped that you and he would be as in love as I am with Steve."
"He was coming on to you?" He said, not a little perturbed.
"Not at all, Grant! But we were just talking about how -- like you and I -- since we didn't break up and hate each other - there still is the same love -- the same feelings we always had."
"Oh. I know that I felt that way -- about you. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he does." He sounded "Almost" bitter.
"Grant -- Buddy -- listen carefully. I feel the same as both of you -- ABOUT both of you. But I have something rare -- I think -- with Steve."
"Well, you might be rare. I think he's a bit well done!"
"Grant! Well, you're right about one thing! He IS very well done! God did very well on Steve Jordan." I tried to ignore the other implication.
"Okay!" he said laughing. "See you tomorrow."
"You will?"
"When you come to get your car."
"Oh -- yeah -- okay. If you're there."
"I'll just plan to be - what time will you come?"
"Between 5 and 5:30 -- after my lab."
"Good. Stay for dinner?"
"Better not -- Steve will be expecting me. We're going to get my ring sized." I said, hoping he couldn't hear the guilt in my voice. Steve had to work. I just didn't want to be alone with him again -- not this soon.
But at least I wasn't lying about the ring. I wanted to get it sized and then pick out -- something -- for Steve -- with Christmas right around the corner.
"Hi Sweetheart. What's up? Done already?" Said Steve.
"I haven't even started. Been putting out fires."
"Should I be concerned?"
"Nope!" I smiled. And for maybe the first time since I chose Steve, I was never so sure of my love or my resolve.
Notes: Ahhh -- youth! So many absolutes! Ain't it wonderful. Please feel free to comment: To Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and love, Steve