This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be very pure either! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of Characters:
James Thomas Arthur (Jamey)
Harold Brian Arthur -- Jamey's Brother (Habby)
Harold Garfield Arthur -- Jamey's dad
William Pitts -- Roommate (Will)
Ronny -- Will's best friend.
George Wiggins
Darrel -- George's roommate
Dr. Steve Jordan -- Doctor
Grant (Buddy) Windward -- Waiter at Holdren's
John -- Neighbor across the hall.
Jerry -- John's roomie
From Chapter 12:
"So, how was it being a pall bearer yesterday?" Said Habby.
"Y'know what? I didn't understand why yesterday, but I felt completely out of place. But I was with all those people that loved him -- for years! Now I get it! I only knew him for 3 ½ months! Today, you and I will be there just as observers and -- to support Seth, whom I am not ashamed to say -- I love him already!"
"Duh! Me too! You know what, Jamey?"
"What?"
"I feel about 5 years older -- at least -- than I did yesterday!"
"Me too!" I said seriously. "But I'm sure it will pass!" I consoled him, smiling.
Chapter 13
The funeral was much more uplifting than Will's. They actually acknowledged that he was gay. His parents knew already and were okay with it. They mentioned the senseless loss of life due to senseless prejudice. I got a chance to talk to Ronny's boyfriend. He was just a little younger than I, and was feeling about the same as I was the night before. He was not in love with Ronny, but felt tremendous misplaced guilt -- as I did.
Habby sat between me and Seth and I could see that he was totally involved with everything Seth did and emoted. I'm sure there was a certain amount of hero worship of Seth by my brother. Yesterday's funeral was very much harder for me, especially with the counseling that I received at the feet of Seth.
When it was over, Chris again drove the SUV and dropped us off at the dorm. We went in and changed clothes and drove home to Bellflower in the afternoon.
When we got to my our house, we carried our stuff in the back door and into out bedrooms. Dad came back to meet us. "Hi Boys. How was the funeral?"
"It was okay." I said. "A lot better than the one the day before."
"Oh?" He said.
"Well, at Will's they ignored the fact that he was gay, and tried to make out he was something he wasn't. His mother was nice enough, considering the way she acted the week before."
"Why do you suppose that was?"
"I think Steve had a bit of influence on her."
"Steve?" Dad said.
"Steve Jordan -- the doctor!" I said.
"Oh, yes! Dr. Jordan. Have you spoken to him in the last week?"
"No. He said he would be checking up on me later though."
"There's someone in the living room -- been waiting for a couple hours for you to return."
"For me? Who would - " I looked in the living room opening. "Oh! It's you!" I said
"I thought I'd look you up and see how you are doing after two funerals. Are you okay?" he asked.
"Not bad, actually. Not bad at all. We met a really nice family -- and- wait! How did you find me?" I asked incredulously.
"I looked up your name in the phone book. There weren't that many Arthurs in Bellflower. But I called a few of them before I found your Dad."
"Sorry son. I told Grant that you'd be home about two hours ago. But he has been waiting patiently. He tells me that he lives just across Lakewood Boulevard from us, in Paramount. Well, I'll leave you two alone. Habby, call and order a large pizza delivered -- ask our guest what kind he likes."
"I like the garlic chicken ones that Round Table has!" Said Grant. Habby ordered a half chicken garlic and half combination.
I felt really intimidated. It was obvious that Dad liked Grant -- a lot! I guess I should have been more excited about that. How many guys' dads like their queer friends? "Hi Grant!" I said. "Hey, I gotta change clothes and go to the bathroom. I'll be right back -- er -- well -- come on in to my room, and we can talk."
Where did that come from?!
He got up and followed me to my room. He closed the door behind us. I took off my shirt and pants and went back out across the hall to the bathroom, clad in my tighty-whiteys, peed and when I came back, I left the door wide open.
"How are you doing, James?" he said. I noticed some hesitancy in his voice. That made me feel a little better -- like maybe he was a little nervous too. "I can't imagine what it must be like to go through what you have. I just -- well -- I just came over to see if there was anything I could do to -- um - " He looked left and right and then at the floor. It was obvious he was at a loss for words what to say next.
"Actually, it's not as bad as everyone thinks. Not even as bad as I thought it would be." I said.
His head popped up, surprised. "Oh?"
"Will and I were room mates for 3 ½ months. He just asked me to be his boyfriend last week. I was pretty confused by all of this myself. I talked to a counselor, though," I said.
"At school?" He asked.
"No. No, it actually was a cousin of the other guy who was murdered. An older guy who is really a great counselor. He works for the county, counseling homeless people and helping them find shelter, or something."
"What's his name?"
"Seth Gary. He graduated from UCSB a few years back."
"Oh! Alumnus, huh? Cool!"
"Yeah. And -- he's gay -- so he -- well -- understands." I said.
"That helps. Have you ever been to the student counseling center? They have gay counselors there. You'd be surprised how many guys -- well -- are curious at this age. And - - really scared sometimes -- by the idea of being attracted to guys."
"I never had a doubt. I hated it at first, but I knew." I said. "And I was too shy and afraid to do anything about it."
"I was really freaked out!" said Grant. "I was sure that everyone in the counseling center was looking at me, knowing I was talking about -- well, what I was talking about -- to Curtis. He's one of the gay counselors."
"You mean -- When you came to UCSB -- you didn't know?" I asked.
"I was in serious denial. I thought I was going crazy. I thought about suicide. Oh, I wouldn't have done it, but I thought about it. I was extremely shy in high school."
"Wow! You'd never guess that from the way you are now!" I said.
"Well, when I went to the counseling center and requested Curtis, I was so paranoid that everyone knew why I was there. Curtis does other counseling besides gay. But there was this notice posted on the bulletin board -- to ask for Curtis if you had worries in this area."
"Well, it must have helped!" I said.
"Duh! Once I talked to Curtis, and realized I wasn't a freak, It was like a door opened up that I never even knew was there! It gave a whole new meaning to `coming out'! Oh, I still am not all that comfprtable with it, but - "
I was getting more and more comfortable with this guy! He seemed so real! I guess I was at first put off by his Hollywood good looks. But he seemed to be just another guy now, and I was getting used to his handsome -- okay, gorgeous -- face. His smile at first put me off too -- like I felt it was fake. But it isn't! It's amazing how we judge others from our little point of view.
I put on some shorts and we returned to the living room. While we were talking, Habby strolled down the hall, by my room several times. He was waiting in the living room when we got there.
As we ate our pizza we discussed everything from the war to the weather.
When we finished, Grant suggested we take a walk. He said he was kind of a health nut and liked to walk a little after eating. As we went out the door, with Habby following closely behind, Dad said, "Habby! Come here please." That was the last we saw of Habby.
When we got about halfway around the block -- we were walking on Cerritos Avenue -- he stopped. So I did too. "James, I hope you don't think me too forward. I have given this a lot of thought. Maybe this is a little soon after your -- um -- experience -- of the last week. But -- really -- you emboldened me when you said that you and -- Will, is it? Well, when you told me that you weren't really that -- um -- attached to him. Well, you didn't say that, but -- shit! This is coming out all wrong! I'm such an idiot sometimes!"
"No, you're not!" I protested.
"Well, anyway -- when you're ready to -- um -- see other guys again -- please give me a chance -- k?"
In the first place, I was in serious denial that this was why he came over. Something was yelling at me that this was exactly why he was here, but My own inner voice was drowning it out, guessing he was just being friendly. I stood there in awe for a moment, as I pondered all of this. I guess it was a moment too long - -
"Oh Crap! I have really offended you, haven't I? I'm sorry. I can be such an ass sometimes!"
"NO!" I said quickly. "NOOooo! Not at all. I just --I'm just -- I dunno -- well, I guess flattered is the right word. Of course! Of course I'll give you a chance! I mean -- oh, now I'm sounding like an idiot. Look: you have as much chance as any other guy. Er -- well, more than most probably. I don't know! This is a lot to toink about. I mean - "
"I didn't mean to put you on the defensive, James, really! It's the last thing I wanted to do."
"I'm sorry, Grant. I didn't mean to react in that way! You are just so -- well -- handsome -- and all. I can't figure what you see in me! And -- you're 23 and I'm only 19! It's a lot to digest, I guess. And please - - ?"
"What?"
"Call me Jamey."
"Oh! Okay!" He said, seemingly relieved. "And -- you can call me Buddy!" He said with a sweet smile.
We passed by a deserted school. He grabbed my hand and asked me to follow him. He led to just out of view of the street. "Will you give me a goodbye hug here? I don't feel comfortable in front of your dad and brother."
"Oh! You don't have to feel that way! They Completely - "
"Not the kind of hug I want to give you!" He put his arms out. He was marginally shorter than I, so his face fit neatly under mine, our cheeks were warm and both a little scratchy. As he moved closer, his body melted into mine and he sighed a little as he stood there almost as one. He nuzzled my neck a little -- I think not on purpose -- and then stepped back.
"It felt just as I dreamed!" He said. "Say goodbye to your dad and brother for me -- and thanks for lunch!"
"How -- I mean -- where -- how're you getting home?"
"Same way I get to your house. I walked!"
"I can take you home!" I protested.
"That's okay. I don't often allow myself the luxury of that much pizza. I really need the walk. Bye!" He started to walk the opposite direction from my home.
"Wait! I don't even know your name!"
"Buddy!"
"I mean your last name!" I said.
"Windward. Grant Windward -- Junior! Bye!"
"Bye!" I hollered.
I walked slowly home.
When I walked in, Habby asked, "Where's Grant?"
"He walked home."
"I wondered where his car was!" Habby said.
"I didn't even notice." I said, heading to the phone book. I looked up Grant Windward. There it was! Address and everything! "Habby, get in my car. We're taking a ride."
I drove out to Rosecrans, and passed Lakewood Blvd. I Turned left on Downey Avenue, passed the high school and started looking for street numbers. I saw his street first, so I started to turn down it. It was a dirt road in the middle of the city. Up ahead, I saw him walking. He looked back as he heard my wheels in the dirt. But he was too far to see who it was. I prayed that he would not recognize my car!
"Stupid!" I said!
"What?" Habby retorted.
"I should have waited longer!" He was way to the end of the street. I pulled over and parked in front of a house. I think it was a house. It was more like a shack. There were some little kids in rags playing on the front yard, which was dirt. I felt really nasty for even coming over here like this. I felt I had betrayed a trust. Now I knew why he didn't want a ride home. Poor guy. He stopped for a long moment and watched us, but he was too far down the street to actually see who was in the car. Finally he walked up a driveway and disappeared.
"Wow!" Habby said.
"I know!" I said. "I never would have guessed he -- came -- from such a -- well -- humble -- roots. God, I hope he didn't recognize my car!"
"He only saw it from the front." Habby said. "But a Z is pretty recognizable -- especially a silver one!"
"Yeah. Thanks for reminding me!" I said, glumly.
"But there ARE a lot of them around!" Habby said.
I backed out onto Downey Avenue and headed home, feeling like a snake-in-the-grass.
When I got home, dad reminded me that I had promised to loan him my car tonight. He asked if I wanted to go with him. I said no. He seemed relieved. Habby went over to see Melanie. "Dad, I need to talk to you about something." I said.
"Shoot!" He said.
"Dad, you never hug us."
"Hug you? Well, my dad never hugged me. It there a problem?"
"Habby needs to be hugged."
"Habby?"
"Yes. Dad, we all need hugs. But I'm most concerned with Hab right now."
"What brought this on?"
"He asked me to hug him last night. We slept in that position."
"What?" Dad said, amazed.
"Dad, it's not what you think. Habby was not in the least aroused. I was, but I can't help that! But he just wanted to be hugged. Maybe he wouldn't spend so much time over at Melanie's if he got a little more physical love here, - in the form of hugs from his dad."
"Wow!" Dad said. "I -- um -- don't know what to say."
"Dad, I showed you how to hug a few weeks back."
"I know. It made me uncomfortable."
"But you -- at least I thought you -- really got in to it."
"Er -- well, I liked it -- really I did. But it still made me uncomfortable. But I thought -- um -- I thought that it was you that wanted it -- or maybe needed it. But now you tell me that Habby needs it too."
I wanted to tell him that he needed it to. I didn't.
"Show me again." He said.
"Remember -- Dad -- I'm a baby. Hold me like I'm a baby."
I stepped into his arms. He was again stiff -- as he was before. "Do you really think a baby would warm up to you if you held them like that?"
"What?"
"Soften up! Let our bodies melt together."
"Two men aren't supposed to hug like that!"
"That may be debatable, Dad! But we're not any two men. We are a dad and his son. I'm your son! Hug me like you love me."
He went limp for a moment, then he drew me near. He hugged me soft and tender -- like I was his boy. I lay my head on his shoulder and sighed. He sighed to and let out a small gasp. "I -- I -- I've never hugged anyone like that since -- since your mother died!" he cried.
"I'd say it's about time!" I whispered.
"Hey! What going - " Habby burst in the door. "I want summa that!" he said.
"I gotta pee!" I said. And I walked toward the bathroom.
"I hope I don't have that effect on everyone I hug!" dad joked. When I came back, I was surprised at what I found. Dad was hugging Habby and both of them were crying. They didn't see me, so I backed out and went to my room.
After a short time, there was a tap at my door. Dad peeked in, his eyes still quite red.
"Hi." I said.
"Hi." He replied. "Boy that was intense."
"Where's Habby?" I said softly.
"I left him in his room. He wanted to take a nap. Apparently you guys didn't sleep too much."
"Probably not as much as a 15 year old needs." I chuckled.
Dad's eyes teared up again. "What happened?" I asked.
"Damn, Jame! He called me Daddy! He said, `Daddy, I have wanted you to hold me for ever!' It was more than I could stand, and I started to cry first, then he joined me. There wasn't much more than that! Jame, I had no idea!" He said with a big sigh.
"Hopefully there will be much more of that." I said. "Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"Ask if he wants to sleep in your bed some night."
"Really? You think he would want that?"
"You never did it with him. When I was young, I remember that I came to bed with you all the time, until you stopped it. But he never got to."
"Oh. Gosh, Jamey, I never knew it was that important -- or important at all."
"Now you do!"
After a couple hours, Habby came out and we ate left over pizza for dinner. I gave Dad my keys and as he was going out the door, I said, "AHEM!"
"What?" Dad said.
"Do I get YOUR keys?"
"Oh! Do you guys have something planned for tonight?"
"Not yet!" I said, winking."
"Gotcha!" Dad said throwing me his keys. He started to walk out again.
"Ahem!" I said again. Dad looked at me as if I were crazy. I just stared at him.
"Oh!" He walked to me and hugged me, then did the same with habby.
As soon as dad was out of the driveway, Habby said -- in a conspiratorial tone -- "Where ARE we going?"
"Well, first, I want to cruise by Buddy's place again."
"Buddy?"
"Grant! Buddy's his nickname."
"Cool!"
"Don't call him that unless he asks you to, Hab."
"I won't!" He said defensively.
We got in the car and I drove back, under cover of dark, to his street. I cruised slowly by. His home was the only one with a lawn. It was well cared for and the small house was clean and neat. I drove by a second time and saw someone peek through the shade. I stopped. "I can't do this, Hab."
"Can't do what?" He said.
"I gotta go up to the door!"
"ou want me to stay here?" He said. I looked around the rest of the neighborhood. I really wanted to do it alone, but I didn't want to leave Habby alone in the car -- and I didn't want to belittle him by telling him to lock the car doors while I was gone.
"Naw. Come with me." I felt eyes watching us from the several houses that were near. I actually felt good that Habby was with me! This was a barrio -- and not a very friendly looking one at night. No street lights either!
As we approached the door, it opened and Buddy came quickly out and pushed me away from the house. "What're you doing here?" He said almost panicky.
"I -- I -- just -- just - " I was so embarrassed, I was sweating -- and it was damn cold! "I'm sorry, Bud -- um -- Grant. I just wanted to see where you lived."
"I didn't WANT you to see where I lived. What business did you have in -- I mean -- you weren't even invited!"
"I'm sorry! You weren't exactly invited to my house either."
He looked like I had just slapped him his face. "What - - oh! You're right! Shit! I'm sorry to react like I did. But I really didn't want you to see this."
"You didn't want me to see that you live in a neat, clean house with a very well manicured lawn? What ever for?"
"Your big home over there is so beautiful!"
"Yes, I suppose it is, but I never considered it big or beautiful. It's nothing like a lot of the homes closer to the city center. And the ones in North Downey! And -- besides -- I didn't buy it! It's all my dad can afford, but I am not ashamed of it."
"Well, I AM ashamed of this place!" He said quietly.
"You have no right to be ashamed of what your dad has provided you with, any more than I have, just because my dad can't afford one of those mansions up in North Downey. It's a very nice looking home. You -- and/or your dad -- have done a wonderful job making it look nice. And -- Buddy - " I smiled as I said this next thing -- "Why would you think I would care about where you live? Do you think I'm that shallow?"
"No, of course not." He said, but added, "Well, I guess that doesn't make much sense."
"What?" I said. I was now officially lost!
"Oh! Heh! I'm taking a class right now in logic. It was logically obvious that in reality, I DID think that you were that shallow! But I didn't mean it that way. I guess I was projecting my own prejudices on you. Sorry." He paused and then said, "And -- my dad doesn't live here."
"But -- oh! I just assumed that the phone was in your dad's name!"
"Assumptions! Anathema to logic!"
"But isn't logic based on assumptions?"
"Heh! I meant false assumptions. You got me on that one! You're gonna do well in logic!" He smiled.
<<God, you're beautiful when you smile!>> I thought.
"Thanks!"
"Omigod! Did I actually say that?" I shrieked.
"Say what?" Buddy said. "I was just thanking you for coming over -- and correcting my logic!"
"Oh! Hee hee! I thought -- never mind!"
"Oh! So now I get to make some assumptions! I'm gonna have fun with that!" He grinned.
"Okay, I was just thinking how nice you look when you smile!" I said. <<and how sexy you look with no shirt on!>> I thought.
"Ok!" His smile widened. "Thanks! Hey, I'd invite you in, but it's not so tidy inside, and I DON'T want you seeing it that way!"
"It's okay. Hey it's early! Do you want to go out with - " I suddenly remembered that Habby was there right beside me, "with us for awhile?"
"Where'd you wanna go?"
"Club Broadway down in Long beach?" I said.
"You KNOW about that place?" He sounded surprised.
"Not really. I found it on the internet. You been there?"
"No. But I'm game!"
"I wonder what's cool to wear there." I mused.
"Heh! I know the answer to that one! It's a gay club! Anything goes! Just wait a sec. I'll at least get a shirt on!" He sounded excited. He went into the house and returned with a black wife-beater over his jeans, with black sandals.
"I'm ready!" he said.
"Do you want to go with us, Hab?" I said. "It IS a gay club."
"How old is Habby?" Said Buddy.
I'm almost 16!" Said Habby looking directly at me as if to dare me to challenge him.
"Hmmm." Said Buddy. "The age limit is 21. There's booze there."
"I'm only 19."
"Yeah -- but -- they usually wouldn't bother anyone who looks as old as you -- even if they suspected. But -- habby looks kinda young." Habby looked hurt. "You a big kid, Habby, but -- you probably -- hey! Let's forget about that club and just go to that juice club over in Bellflower."
"Is it gay?" Habby asked.
"No, but gays go there! It's where I like to go - - sometimes."
"Naw!" said Habby, looking at the ground. "You guys go have fun. I can stay home and watch TV."
"No way!" I said. "Tonight is my night with my little brother!" I stated. Habby looked both relieved and pleased. "We can pick up a movie on the way home." I said.
"Will your dad mind me dressed like this?" Said Buddy. "It IS kinda gay!"
"It's okay -- and -- he's not home. That's why I am driving my dad's car. I let him take mine tonight.
"Cool!" Said Buddy.
This looked like a win-win-win to me. I wanted to spend some more time with Buddy, it worked for Habby and - - it seemed like Buddy wanted to know me better too! The more I saw of him, the better he looked!
At the video store, Buddy asked, "Do you have a VCR?"
"Yeah -- but most movies are on DVD." I said.
"Have you ever seen `The Frisco Kid'?"
"No." I said.
"It's my favorite movie! Gene wilder and Harrison Ford! Funny as hell, and -- well, you'll see! But it's probably not on DVD. It's old."
As soon as we got home, I popped in the tape and gave Buddy the remote to get it to the start of the movie while I put on some shorts and a tee. We all had removed our shoes in the entry. I stopped by the fridge and pulled out some bottled water. "Movie's starting!" Said Buddy.
"Pause it!" I hollered. "You want some popcorn?"
"Sure!"
When the popcorn was ready, I finally sat down on the couch, where Buddy was. Habby had already taken Dad's big recliner. I sat on the other end of the couch from Buddy. After the credits, Buddy asked if it was okay to put his feet up on the coffee table. "Just don't tell Mom!" Habby said.
"I thought your mom was - "
"It's a joke." I said. "No problem."
He slid closer to the middle of the couch and slid down lower and propped his feet on the table. That also made him closer to the popcorn -- and me! I wanted so much to touch him! He was close enough! I took a drink of my water and left my hand on the cushion close to his. I think he looked at it, but he didn't take it.
About half way through the movie, Buddy said, "Where's the bathroom?"
I paused the movie and pointed it out. He went in and closed the door.
"Wow!" Habby said. "He's a hot looking guy!"
"You think so too?" I said.
"Well -- not for me!" he defended. "I meant for you!"
"Well, for a straight guy -- you have a good eye!" I joked.
When he came back, he sat right next to me and put his hand on mine. I started the movie again. I replaced my hand with the other, and put my close arm on the back of the couch around where Buddy was sitting. He slid over close to me. He looked into my eyes for some kind of assurance. I put my arm on his naked shoulders. He melted into my body.
It felt so natural and comfortable to have him in my embrace this way. I watched the rest of the movie. He fell asleep. But it felt so good to have a guy close to me again. Habby fell asleep too.
When the movie was over, he woke up. "Sorry! Guess I was more tired than I realized."
"It's okay." I said. "I was -- er -- um -- it felt good. Guess we better get you back home, huh?"
"Oh! I thought -- oh! Okay!" He stammered.
"What?" I said.
"Um -- oh! Well, heh. I don't HAVE to go home, but -- yeah, I guess I better go."
"Do you -- wanna -- um -- stay?" I said, suddenly shy again.
"If -- if -- you want -- I mean -- if it's okay."
"Hab! Time to go to bed."
"Mmrf?" Habby mumbled. "Oh! K." He grabbed his pillow and stumbled to his room.
"I can sleep here, if you have a blanket." Buddy said.
"Or - - you can sleep in my room!" I said, boldly. "That way my dad won't be confused when he gets home."
"K." he said, following me to my room. I slept in a twin bed at home. I brushed my teeth. He looked a little uncertain about that. I smiled and did something crazy. I walked to him and put my arms around him and kissed him on the mouth. "Wow!" He purred and grinned.
"Now you can use my tooth brush!" I said laughing.
He looked at me in surprise, then grinned again and took my tooth brush from me.
We were both in our underwear as we hopped under the covers. I slid as far to the edge of the bed as I could. He slid over next to me and kissed me again. "You are one cool Dude!" he said. "Night!"
He then turned and backed into me. I put my one arm under his neck and wrapped the other around his chest and pulled him in closer. I kissed his neck. We both sighed deeply and went to sleep.
Notes: Don't get your bowels (or your balls) in an uproar! They are JUST FRIENDS! (today) Hee hee! Comments are always welcome to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and love, Steve