This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be very pure either! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of Characters: James Thomas Arthur (Jamey) Harold Brian Arthur -- Jamey's Brother (Habby) Harold Garfield Arthur -- Jamey's dad William Pitts -- Roommate (Will) Ronny -- Will's best friend. George Wiggins Darrel -- George's roommate Dr. Steve Jordan -- Doctor Grant -- Waiter at Holdren's John -- Neighbor across the hall. Jerry -- John's roomie
From Chapter 11:
Seth told me how he discovered he was gay. And a lot more details about his close calls with death. I asked about Jake junior -- how he got AIDS. They said it would be better to hear that from him -- someday. "He used to be really embarrassed to talk about it, but he's willing to now, with so much time since it happened."
We talked for another hour or so, when Chris found us. "Hey, we probably better get going." Said Chris. "Besides my brother has monopolized you long enough!" He said with a grin. "He WAS closer to Ron."
Chapter 12
"So what do you think of our little clan by now, James?" Asked Chris.
"You can call me Jamey! I didn't know there was anything like it. I've been pretty isolated from other - - gays. I never thought I wanted to be associated with those that march in parades and all. You guys seem so much more level headed -- more reasonable."
"What?" Chris rebounded. "You've never marched in a gay pride parade?"
"No." I said timidly, and more than a little intimidated..
"Haha!" He continued. "I haven't either!. But Craig did in New Orleans last year."
"Really?" I asked. "Was he naked?" I asked ignorantly.
"Not everyone is naked. That would be a nudist parade. No, he just did it for the fun. He actually got all painted up. I barely recognized him! Actually if he WERE naked, I would have better recognized him! Haha!"
"Where were you?" I asked.
"On the side lines -- watching. We all went, but Craig and Jake were the only ones who marched."
"And Jake had clothes on too?" I asked.
"Yeah!" Seth chimed in. "Hehe! Too bad too, `cause his is bent the wrong way! It would've gotten a few looks!"
"Where were you meeting your brother?" asked Chris.
"I don't know. At the bus station. Why?"
"No reason really. We'll be early enough that he won't even be there yet."
We got a few sidelong looks coming to the Greyhound station in an Escalade. We parked it in a conspicuous place -- well lighted -- and went into the station. Habby's bus wasn't scheduled for another 45 minutes. It was 25 minutes behind schedule.
"Let's sit over here, so we can watch Carrie's car. I wouldn't want to be the one responsible for getting it stolen or messed up!" said Chris. Craig didn't come, but both Seth and Luke did. We talked a little more about how Chris and Craig met, and how I determined that I was gay. I always felt I knew it. In seemingly no time, there was an announcement that the bus from L.A. was pulling in. I sprang up like a jack-in-the-box, and ran to where it was supposed to be.
I waited and waited, starting to get worried that he didn't make it for some reason, when he nearly stumbled off the bus. He grinned at me and giggled.
"Hey, Little brother. What's up?"
"Nothin'!" He said and he giggled again. He wobbled over to me and threw his arms around me. It was then I smelled the marijuana on him. I stepped back and he almost fell again. He giggled again and said, "Hey! What're you doing to me!?"
"Oh, habby!" I cried. "When are you gonna grow up?"
"What?" He said all innocently.
"Do you actually think that many people don't know you were doing grass in the back of the bus?"
"Grass?" He said, convincingly. He couldn't have faked a lie at this point.
"Pot, Hab! You're loaded!"
"Was that what those guys were smoking?" He giggled again. "Is that why I feel so good? Guess I got a little contact buzz!"
"You THINK?" I said. But I believed him now. "What do you think the other passengers thought?"
"There wasn't anyone within eight rows of us. And hee hee, actually I wondered why they had the window open back there. It was kinda cold."
"Us?" I asked. "How many were there with you?"
We had gotten back to the other guys by this time. Habby looked at them, a little confused, and then answered, "Yeah. Those four guys were awfully cool! I've never done a circle jerk before. Hee hee! That was so fun!" He started to laugh hard, and rubbing his crotch!"
"Circle jerk?" Said Chris. "Wo! Someone's been getting high! Did you do that on the bus? Oh! Hi! I'm Chris, a friend of -- um -- your brother. So you and these four other guys -- do you know them? Anyway -- you did what -- and on the bus? Ballsy little brother you got here, Jamey!"
"Smells pretty ripe, doesn't he?" I replied. Habby now was looking kind of bewildered, as if he wasn't too sure about these other two guys he didn't know. Then Seth said,
"Stupid." Almost under his breath.
"C'mon, Seth," said Chris, "Lighten up a little."
"Habby, is it?" Seth said, looking at my brother. "I used to do stupid stuff like that when I was your age -- or actually a little older. It started a chain of events that almost got me killed!"
Habby stood like a deer in the headlights. Even I was a bit put off by Seth's reaction to Hab's condition. Seth looked from Habby to me to Luke to his brother. "Look. I'm sorry. I really am. I guess I'm just a little punchy from my experience. Please -- forgive me." Seth said, smiling at Habby, and presented his fist. Hab chucked it and smiled curiously.
" `S' okay." He said.
"Have you ever been high before?" I asked Habby.
This time it was Habby that met each of the guys' eyes before replying. "Once or twice."
I chuckled, drawing Hab's attention. "C'mon, Hab! You gotta remember if it was once or it was twice!" I chided.
He saw my smile so he smiled too and looked at the floor. "Maybe it's been more like a few times."
"Habby, if it's okay with Seth and Luke," at which time Luke offered his hand and Habby shook it, "if they approve, I wish you would ride in the back of the car with him on our way home. I threw his stuff in the rear tailgate, and climbed in the front passenger door.
As Habby was climbing in the rearmost seat, (he was in no condition to argue at this point) I whispered to Seth, "Tell him about your history - - k? And -- thanks!" Seth gave me a very knowing smile.
As we got on the road, I leaned over to Chris, stealing a glance back past Luke to the rear seat of the Escalade. Already Seth was animatedly, but seriously talking to Habby. Habby was also serious -- trying his best to take it all in, still looking like that deer. I said to Chris, "Would you mind taking the scenic route back to my place?"
"Sure thing, Jamey. Where exactly do you live, anyway?"
"I live on campus. I'll direct you when we get closer."
"Do you guys want to stay up at our place tonight? We have an extra room. Criag and I and the kids are staying in the big house this time. So the flat over Etta's carport has two extra rooms available. We can stop by and get whatever you want. I think Seth has a LOT to tell your brother. And believe me -- he's GOOD at telling it!"
"Why was a guy trying to kill Seth -- the ferry incident?" I asked.
"Seth was only 17 when he decided to strike out on his own while at a motel in Vermont. He snuck out late from our parents' room and went straight to a gay bar -- just a curiosity thing. He was still wondering if he was gay. These two scumbags had him cornered and were going to take him up to their room and rape him. At that time Seth looked about 14!
The two guys had already forced him to watch as they had sex in their room, then they dragged him back into the bar with threats of death and told him he was next, and they both would be `making love' to him. Luckily Rob and I found them about the time they were about to take him back up to their room.
Rob is 6'-5" tall, and very buff. He took the bigger guy, and I took the smaller one. Basically we just held them until the police arrived. The police were close because they had already been called because Seth was missing. Anyway, based on Seth's testimony and identification, taken in a deposition, they were sent to jail.
Then when Seth came back to visit us another time, they were out of jail because of a slimy attorney and a liberal judge. It was just pure chance that we happened to be on the same auto ferry that night as the larger scum bag. He pushed Seth into the icy water, and I immediately dove in too."
My eyes got bigger. "Wow! You must really love - " I started.
"He's my brother!" Chris said. "You'd do it for Habby! Anyway, we both almost froze in the water. Seth was so skinny! I had to slap him awake while I kept him above the water until we were rescued. If I were there alone, I may have given up myself."
"Geez!" I said. "Habby does some pretty stupid things. I hope he never gets in that kind of situation."
"Well, if Seth has anything to do with it, he won't!" said Chris, looking in the rear view mirror and smiling. I again glanced back and Seth was really into his story. Habby seemed able to pay more attention. Obviously Seth had involved Luke in the conversation, as Hab looked from one to the other.
"How did Seth meet Luke?" I asked.
"Hah! Good question." Chris said. "Craig and I went to Hawaii on our honeymoon. We met Luke there and we actually brought him home to my brother. They were fascinated with each other from the very first look. But Seth was still pretty immature. He needed to grow a bit before they got together for good."
"I've never heard of so many gay guys staying together like you guys are doing." I said.
"I think it runs in families." Said Chris. "I'm talking about the fact that we seem to be more focused on staying together. All of our parents were married only once. We all wanted that."
"That's what I want!" I said. I suddenly felt like a 15 year old myself!
"How old are you?" He asked as if he were reading my mind.
"Nineteen. But right now I feel like 15 and 50 all at once. Will's murder has really made me feel old. But my inexperience -- especially in present company -- makes me feel like a teeny-bopper!"
Do you have -- oh! That's right. Will was your boyfriend. Sorry."
"I have three guys who are -- erm -- interesting to me. One works at Holdren's, and is very cute! He's a senior at the university. I think he wants to date me. One is a doctor and is way too old for me."
"What do you consider `too old'?" Chris asked.
"He's thirty-five!"
"That's nothing. It just depends on how well you get along. But then I'm nearly that age myself -- heh -- so maybe I'm the wrong person to - "
"But seriously," I said, "you don't think 35 is too old -- for a nineteen year old?"
We were stopped at a signal. He looked at me as if to undress me. "If YOU think it's too old -- and you don't FEEL mature enough -- then it's best to follow your feelings. I know I was really negative about Seth and HIS doctor, who, by the way -- was ALSO 35 when Seth was 19!" He smiled and the stop light changed. "But by the time he was killed, I really liked him and was fine with it. Seth matured an awful lot between 17 and 19! That was the part that was hard for me. I was trying to keep him a little boy."
We rode in silence for a time, until Chris noticed that Seth was not talking so much. I was thinking hard about John, Grant and - - Steve!
"I think we've driven around enough, Jamey." Chris said quietly. Which dorm is yours?"
I led him into the dorm and Habby and I got out. Habby was uncharacteristically quiet as we exited the SUV to get my stuff. "Jamey?" He said, as we walked up to my room.
"Yeah?"
"I -- I'm sorry!"
"For what, Bro?"
"For being such a pain in the ass, I guess. I had no idea what you were going through."
"Being gay is never easy, Hab. But my experience was not like Seth's, if that's what you were thinking."
"I know, but still, I don't know - - I just want to apologize -- and - - I'mm gonna try to not bug Dad so much too. I never knew our mom, of course, but I always kind of blamed Dad for not getting us another mother. Me and Seth talked about a lot of stuff. I really like him. He's cool, but also he makes me feel good about myself -- in a way I never have before."
"Hab - - you're awfully young to be talking like that. But maybe you're lucky to meet and talk to Seth."
"Yeah."
I grabbed clothes to wear to the funeral, and just in case, threw in some swimming shorts. We started out the door, but I stopped and closed it again. "Hab, I really love you -- you know that, right?"
"Yeah. Me too." He said. We hugged closer than we ever have, and he seemed to soften up and let out a deep sigh.
Back in the car, Hab sat up front with Chris and me. Chris said, "So -- do we sleep tonight -- or party?" Luke leaned forward and whispered,
"I vote we sleep. Seth really is hiding how badly he feels about Ron."
I looked back and Seth was asleep next to Luke, in the middle seat. When Luke sat back, he pulled Seth onto his shoulder and chest. Seth nuzzled in to Luke's neck. There was such tenderness. I hope I find that someday.
The upstairs flat over the carport was bigger than I expected. It had a large front room with an attached kitchen. There were three doors off the large room, which I expected were 2 bedrooms and a bath. It turned out to be 3 bedrooms which all had their own toilets and sinks and all had access to a large common shower -- like at a gym, only smaller -- where there were three shower heads.
We were given the room at the far right, and Seth and Luke were in the far left room. When we were settled, Chris said good night and went down to the big house where he and Craig and their kids were staying.
It was late, so we went directly to bed. Seth said, "Thanks so much for coming with us -- and coming to the funeral. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. And this boy" he said indicating Habby, "has lightened my load and my day. G'night."
Habby and I went to our rooms and both collapsed on the bed. "We really should take our clothes off Hab." I said.
"Yeah -- I guess." We let everything fall on the floor and climbed under the covers. It was a king size bed. After a few moments, in the dark, Habby said, "Jamey?"
"Yeah?"
"I don't think I'm gay."
"What -- why do you say that?"
"I dunno. It felt to so good to talk to Seth tonight. I really like him a lot. And when you hugged me, I can't explain how good that felt."
"You don't have to be gay to like the warmth of another body -- especially when you love the body that you're hugging." Then I added, "HAHA! But it helps!"
Habby didn't laugh. "Can we do it again?" He asked.
He was already sliding my way as I of course said "Of course!"
Habby lay in my arms, and got softer and softer, as he relaxed. Then he gasped a little and choked off a whimper. "I -- I -- really miss you, Jamey. I wish Dad would hug me like this."
"We missed a lot not having a mom, Bro. I love you." I said as I rubbed his back. He kissed my cheek and turned around and as if on cue, he backed in to my hardness. (Hey! I couldn't help it!) He giggled slightly and adjusted his head to his pillow. In seconds he was asleep.
As I held Habby and tried to sleep myself, I kept seeing John, Grant and Steve -- and as I drifted off, I thought that one of them was in my embrace, but I couldn't tell which. My dream was pretty mixed up. John is sweet and considerate, but is he gay? He doesn't even know that himself. I can't think that he WANTS to be gay.
Grant's movie star face, with those dimples and eyes that I could go swimming in -- they conspired to enchant me. He was not as warm as John -- or Steve - but maybe he just needed to know me better.
Steve. Ho-boy! After talking to Chris, I was warming up to the idea that -- maybe he isn't too old. Would he ever really be interested in a 19 year old teenager for very long?
When I woke up, Habby was still close, but he was facing me, and already awake.
"You're breath smells like shit, you know!" He said, smiling. I shuddered from smelling his breath. But I smiled too, and turned around. This time it was Habby that pulled me into a spoon. Unlike me the night before, he didn't pop a woody. He didn't even have a pee woody! Jerk!
"I gotta pee." I said.
"I already peed. Is it time to get up?" he said.
"Not yet. It's only 6:00."
"Good!" He said. "Come back when you're done." I peed and came back and again backed into my little brother's body. We slept for about another hour when there was tapping on the door.
"C'min!" I said.
Luke came in wearing navy blue silk sleep shorts. He knelt by the bed. In the darkened room, his dark skin was barely visible. "There're towels by the shower door, and wash cloths in there. It's a little after 7:00. Etta will be expecting us for breakfast at 8:00."
"Thanks!" I said. I watched as his cute butt disappeared out the door.
We got up and both of us headed for the sink to brush our teeth, after which we shed our shorts and headed for the shower. "This is about the coolest thing I ever saw!" Habby said, as we stepped into the shower room. He took the far shower, and I the nearest one, leaving one between us.
"Make it short, Hab. There's probably a lot of people needing the hot water this morning."
"Not to worry!" said Seth, as he entered, followed by Luke, both naked and looking luscious. "The hot water never cools here!"
"Oh! Sorry!" I said, reralizing that Habby and I were monopolizing two of the showers.
"No problem!" Said Seth, and he and Luke planted themselves between us. They proceeded to wash each other with soap and the wash cloth as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Seth's skin looked like it was trying to hang on to the last bit of a summer tan, but Luke was as brown as a bear. My tummy did flip flops as I watched them caress each other with the wash cloth.
We all dried off and went to our respective rooms.
"I'm really surprised." Said Habby.
"Why -- er -- what about, Hab?" I asked.
I duuno exactly, but -- I would have thought -- I men -- AHEM! Um -- well, like last night. When you hugged me -- I know I asked for it. But when I felt your -- um -- hard-on, I wasn't the least -- um -- disgusted or something. I hear other guys talk about how gross queer sex is -- or must be -- and I dunno, it just didn't bother me. And then just now in the shower. Well, Seth is kinda skinny, but that Luke guy is a buff little sucker. And when they started to wash each other, I kind of looked the other way -- but I couldn't stand it. I watched and I expected to be turned off -- or disgusted -- or something. But I wasn't!"
"So -- what are you telling me, Hab? Were you turned on by it?"
"NO!" He over reacted a little maybe. "Well, not sexually - - exactly. But I just was surprised the good feeling it gave me to watch the love that was happening between them. Me and Melanie -- we don't have anything like that. We just like that hot sex!"
"Hab! You -- I mean -- you're only fifteen!"
"Almost 16!"
"In 9 months! But anyway -- what -- I mean -- yeah. What do you and she do?"
"Well, at first she just sucked me. That's what all the guys do. A lot of girls like to do that. It's no big deal."
"It used to be!" I said amazed what 4 years difference can make. What else?
"We -- um -- well, then I started to suck her too. She loves that! But a couple weeks ago we had our first full on sex. Man, that was so hot! I think it was her first too!"
"Habby! I hope you're using some kind of - "
"Oh yeah. We're not stupid! I wear a condom. But anyway -- I started to wonder if we were in love. I can tell you -- all I wanted to do was be with her and - - fuck!"
"But - - ?"
"But -- well -- after seeing those two in the shower -- There is none of what I saw going on in there. I wasn't turned on sexually by them, but it was so awesome to watch them love each other. And all they did was wash each other. That's what I want someday. Love!"
"Yeah. Me too." I said.
"Weren't you in love with Will?"
"<SIGH!> I guess not. I mean, I loved him alright. I wanted so much to be in love, But - - in love? I -- dunno -- I don't think so. And - - "
"What?" he said after waiting a few moments.
"After Will was -- killed -- I have had so much guilt -- because it sees like every guy that was nice to me, I had the hots for! And it's only been a week!"
"Damn!" Habby exclaimed.
"Well, Seth helped me a lot too. He's a psychological counselor, you know."
"No shit?"
"Yeah. So anyway, he helped me see that in my condition, it was natural to transfer my feelings to someone else, because I felt so -- well -- cheated or something -- and that probably -- I was not in love with him. We were only just boyfriends less than a week!"
"So you didn't love Will?"
"I did!" I protested. "But it was more like best-friend-love, and in time it could have turned into the `in-love' thing -- I suppose."
"So -- how do you feel now?" he asked.
"I -- well, it's hard to explain. Damn, you ask hard questions, Hab! Maybe it's more like -- disappointed -- or something. I felt like I SHOULD have loved him more maybe -- I don't know! It's confusing." I said
"Tell me about it! After talking to Seth, I -- well, I feel kind of disappointed too -- and -- I mean but -- it also is a relief. I mean -- I was really starting to feel pressured -- because I felt like I was in love -- but I also felt -- er -- FEEL -- like -- Well, - I'm TOO YOUNG! I'm not ready for that kind of -- um - "
" -- commitment?" I offered.
"Yes! That's it -- exactly!" He exclaimed.
"So -- what're you gonna do when you go back home?"
"I dunno that either. She leads me around like I have a ring in my nose -- or something -- and she holds the chain it's attached to!"
" -- or she has a hand around your dick!"
"Exactly! Or a pussy in my face, or - "
"I think I get it, Hab!"
"So, how was it being a pall bearer yesterday?"
"Y'know what? I didn't understand why yesterday, but I felt completely out of place. But I was with all those people that loved him -- for years! Now I get it! I only knew him for 3-1/2 months! Today, you and I will be there just as observers and -- to support Seth, whom I am not ashamed to say -- I love him already!"
"Duh! Me too! You know what, Jamey?"
"What?"
"I feel about 5 years older -- at least -- than I did yesterday!"
"Me too! I'm sure it will pass!" I consoled him, smiling.
Notes: Comments may be sent to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and love, Steve