This is a work of pure fiction, , but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be very pure either! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of Characters:
James Thomas Arthur (Jamey)
Harold Brian Arthur -- Jamey's Brother (Habby)
Harold Garfield Arthur -- Jamey's dad
William Pitts -- Roommate (Will)
Ronny -- Will's best friend.
George Wiggins
Darrel -- George's roommate
Dr. Steve Jordan -- Doctor
Grant -- Waiter at Holdren's
John -- Neighbor across the hall.
Jerry -- John's roomie
From Chapter 9:
"Aren't you kind of uncomfortable -- me being gay and all?" I teased, thinking about what he said to me earlier that same day.
"No, I'm really not. It feels a natural as anything!" We both fell asleep in this "natural" position.
Chapter 10
At 6:30 Monday morning, Will's alarm went off as usual. He always had an earlier class than I did, but we always went to breakfast together anyway. John opened his eyes. "Geez! How early do you get up?" He asked.
"Will had a 9:00 class. We usually went to breakfast together. Do you and Jerry ever do that?"
"Jerry and I don't really hit it off that well."
"Sorry to hear that. Well not everyone does, I guess. When is your first class?"
"11:00, today." He said, getting up and going to the toilet. Again, he left the door open. It was comical from the rear, seeing him try to pee with his rock hard pee woody! I started to laugh.
"Hey! Don't pee all over my bathroom!" I teased.
"Sometimes it seems to go that way, doesn't it? Especially if there's something crusty in the end! Haha! Then it sprays in two directions -- or more, none of them in the toilet!"
"Haha! `Something' crusty?"
"Yeah, well we all know that that is!" He said.
He flushed the toilet and shielding his still erectness from view, he dashed across the hall to his room, giggling. He came back and handed me a piece of paper. "You gotta read this!" He said. It said:
COPIED FROM A NEWSGROUP POSTING (the author is responding to a woman who accidentally walked into the men's restroom):
Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It's rare us guys ever hit what were aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something. You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be trusted. After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep.
Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but because you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm a classy guy, I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and you ladies need to be understanding. It's the dreaded "morning wood". Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it won't bend you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet.
And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control our less than perfect aim. Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie. So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe. I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told her...look, it won't bend. She said, "so sit down like I told you to do all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with "morning wood". Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room. Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet. I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying Superman position laying over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee. So you ladies have to understand that we men are not totally to blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control. It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature. Now, if it was FATHER NATURE, there wouldn't have been a problem!!!"
I laughed so hard I almost peed on MYSELF! -- Mostly because it was so true! So this time I had to get up and pee off my morning wood. When I came back, I expected that John would gather his book and paper and go back to his room to finish sleeping. But - -
He was back in my (Will's) bed! "Set that damned alarm for a couple hours, so we can sleep a little longer." He said.
I did as he requested. I happily hopped back in bed with him. Being gone a few minutes primed me for getting Will's scent anew. I shuddered just a little as I covered my head with the sheet and cover, turning my back to John. He snuggled back up to me as we were all night, rubbing my chest and shoulder. I was almost asleep, when there was a light knocking on the door.
I got up and answered the door. It was Jerry. "Hey! Sorry about your room mate, Dude! Speaking of room mates, mine wasn't here last night when I got in. Any idea -- oh! A little sleep-over huh?" He had spied John in the bed. He pushed past me and I panicked a little until I remembered that my bed HAD been slept in last night for a little while. I went and climbed in it.
"Dude! You could at least leave a note!" Jerry said to John. "I didn't know where you were!"
"Didn't you see me run in there a few minutes ago? I came to get the paper about morning wood, to show to Jamey."
"Is that what woke me? Well, anyway, sorry for panicking a little, but after Will getting -- murdered -- I guess I was a little paranoid. Well, glad you're okay. Are you planning to make it a habit of staying over here? Anyway, see you sometime!" and he strode out, closing the door.
"Thanks!" Said John.
"Thanks?" I queried.
"For covering for me! That dude is a serious homophobe! His little comment about the sleepover was not as innocent as it sounded!"
"Oh. Okay." I said. I let my head sink into my own pillow.
"You're not coming back?" He said.
"You liked that, huh?" I chuckled.
"Well -- yeah! It felt good! I never held a real live teddy bear as I was sleeping, before! I missed mine when my mom decided I was too old! Come back, Teddy!"
I laughed and went back to the same position we were in before we were so rudely interrupted. There was that smell again, but it was mixed with John's smell, which wasn't bad either. I couldn't sleep any more though. So I tried to stay as still as I could.
"This isn't working." He finally said. "Try it the other way." We turned over, his back to me this time, with my arm around his waist. I rubbed his chest and shoulders as he had done to me. He wiggled in closer. "Damn, that feels great!" he said. My dick was getting steely, but I just didn't care any more.
But neither of us could sleep, so we decided to get up and go to breakfast.
At breakfast, I said, "You have no idea what it meant to me last night -- having you there! Thanks for doing that for me!"
"Jamey -- do I have to tell you - ? It was my pleasure -- obviously."
"I hope you didn't catch anything from me!" I laughed.
"I don't think so." He said quite seriously. "It sure has given me a lot to think about."
My first night alone was Monday night. I again slept in Will's bed. His scent was as strong as ever, but I could also smell John. I cried myself to sleep, but it was more of a comforting cry than the intense hurt it was the night before.
Wednesday afternoon, I was in my English lit class and the professor was talking about F. Scott Fitzgerald, trying to draw some parallel to J.K. Rowling. I zoned and started to daydream about Will. All of a sudden I felt an extreme urge to throw up. I ran from the room and barfed outside the building behind some bushes. It was nearly the end of class, so I didn't go back.
I ran further behind the building and fell down and bawled my guts out, gagging and barfing some more. As I was gathering myself back together for my next class, I felt a hand on my arm.
"You okay?" I was not okay! And worse, I was now humiliated beyond anything I ever experienced.
Not even looking up, I said, "I'll live!"
I could see he was leaning down, but now he squatted. "Dude! Are you sure - " I looked up at him and instantly recognized him. He was the waiter from Holdren's Restaurant! Now I was really chagrinned!
"What happened? Did you eat at that student center again!?" he laughed. I tried weakly to smile.
"Actually, my best friend died last weekend -- murdered." I said.
"Shit! You mean -- was it that guy -- from here -- William Pitts?"
"Yes." I said. "He was my roommate." I felt a deep ache both in the pit of my stomach and my heart as I said it.
"Where have I seen you before?" He said.
I thought about the inanity of that question, given we both go to UCSB, but I was nice. "You were our waiter Sunday at Holdren's."
"OHhhh! Yeah! You came in with Dr. Jordan -- and another older guy!"
"You -- you know Steve?"
"Well, I doubt he knows me. He comes in about once a week. I'm - "
"You're Grant." I said before I could stop myself.
"Wow! Good memory! Well anyway - " He held out his right hand. I reached for it to shake it, feeling ridiculous under the conditions. He pulled me up to standing. He did a quick overall head to toe on me, making me blush.
"You're right! You look like you'll live. Do you stay on campus?"
"Yeah. We -- er -- I'm in one of the older dorms."
"You ought to put in now for one of the new ones down on the beach! That's where I live. Are you a junior?"
"Frosh!" I said.
"Oh! Sorry, I thought you must be a Junior!"
"Is it a problem?"
"Heh! Not really. We seniors like to think that the beach side dorms are our property. It's mostly seniors and post grads staying there." He said. "By the way - - you're gay -- right?"
"Uh!" I was taken back by that comment! "Yes."
"I thought so. Well, besides the fact that your room mate was, and also that he was your best friend, I actually wondered at the restaurant." I gave him a weird look. "Very refined Gaydar! You know: it takes one to know one!"
"Will was my boyfriend." I said, looking away.
"Oh my god! I'm sorry! Is that why you were back here?"
"Yeah." I said, thrilled to be reminded.
"What's your name Dude?"
"I'm James -- Jamey."
"Well, it's wonderful to meet you, James- Jamey! It would have been better in other circumstances maybe, but - "
"I have a class in two minutes, Grant. It's been -- interesting."
I shook his hand again and started to walk away.
"Hey, James-Jamey!" He called after me. "What's your number?"
I turned and told him my cell number. He keyed it in to his phone as I ran for my class.
I tried to keep to myself the next couple days before the funeral. I did get a visit from a real detective Wednesday night. I told him that Will was my roommate since August and that I only knew that he was worried about telling his parents about his sexual orientation. I told him that he had told me he was worried about physical violence, but never gave me the impression that it may turn this ugly. He thanked me and told me since I had never actually met Will's dad, that was probably all he'd need, but left it open to other interviews. He took Will's personal belongings for the evidence team to study. I was scared he'd want his sheets!
Steve called once just to see how I was doing, and John came over at least once each evening to check on me. We also had breakfast every day but Friday. I was getting a bit of a hold on things -- coping pretty well. I kept myself pretty busy with research and homework. Bed time was the hardest. I knew that I needed to get rid of -- or wash -- Will's bed linens. But I waited all day- every day -- to lay on his bed and smell his essence.
I got a voice mail that Habby had a test he forgot about, and couldn't come. That really bummed me!
The funeral was at a local Lutheran Church, where the family and clergy went on and on about Will's virtue. I felt like screaming. He was nothing like they were paining him to be. He was funny. He was profane at times. He was FUN! And -- he loved me! No one could say those things, but I wanted to scream them to the world.
But I didn't.
When it came time to carry his casket out, we lined up and picked it up. I was on auto-pilot. It's the only way I could do it. I probably was paranoid, but it seemed all the rest of the group was trying to avoid eye contact, like "Who the hell's this guy? He knew Will 4 months and has the honor of being a pall bearer?"
But Will's mom was surprisingly civil. But I suppose losing a son -- and her husband in jail for murdering him -- has made her do a lot of reflection. She invited me to a lunch after, but I couldn't bear it. I thanked her and declined, claiming school responsibilities. I wanted to ask about Ronny, since I didn't know him other than meeting him a couple times with Will, but no info was offered, so I left it at that.
I wondered what the news media's guidelines for a big story was. I was pretty relieved that I wasn't more assaulted by them. Usually a double murder -- especially by a father of a gay guy -- gets mucho coverage. They weren't even at the funeral that I could tell. As I was leaving the cemetery,
"Hello. Are you James?"
I turned and looked into a pair of purple eyes. This guy had dark brown skin and hair so black it shone blue. He was rather short, but the most amazing thing was his purple eyes.
"Yes." I said. I was taken back by his appearance, but was still a little shy about talking to anyone after the incident with the reporter at my dorm. But this guy had no photographer with him, and he just didn't seem the type. He was acting kind of shy himself. He looked to be around 25. "Should I know you?"
"No." He said, looking embarrassed. I -- just -- did you know Will's friend, Ron?"
"I've met him." I said, again getting suspicious. But my curiosity was piqued.
"He was a good friend of mine. I met Will a couple times. He was Ronny's best friend. Are you related to Will?" He asked.
"Not -- not exactly." I said, still pretty laid back.
"But you must have known him pretty well -- to be a pall bearer."
"I -- well -- yes, I did. He was my room mate -- at the university."
"Look. My partner is working today, but he asked me to come to the funeral -- to pay -- well -- his respects. Ronny was my partner's cousin or something."
"Your -- um -- partner?"
"Yes. You knew that Ronny was gay, I assume."
"Y-yesss", I said, wondering where this was going.
"Ronny's funeral is tomorrow. I'm sure that my partner will want to meet you -- if you're free. We'll be at the funeral of course."
"Oh, gosh!" I said. "I dunno. I am supposed to go home to be with my family in Bellflower for the weekend. But - - "
"Really?" He said. "My partner's family is from Cerritos! But then -- you can't come? Maybe -- what are you doing this afternoon?"
"Um -- are you gay?"
"Yeah. Is that a problem?"
"No. Not at all. It's really rather a bit of a relief. Will was my boyfriend." I said, then panicked a little, still a little paranoid that maybe he was from one of those rumor papers. He didn't seem to notice.
"I'm so sorry, Dude! You KNOW that they were not doing anything -- right? I mean the night they got - - shot."
"Do YOU know that?"
"Well, not for sure, but -- Ron told Seth -- that's my partner -- that Will was pretty depressed that Ronny didn't think they were a match -- at least romantically -- or something. Anyway -- they ALWAYS slept together -- in the same bed. But if they ever did anything except some mutual stuff that wasn't -- at least as far as Ronny was concerned -- romantic -- it would have been a shock to us."
"I talked to Will just before he died -- in the hospital. He said they didn't."
"I didn't think so."
"And -- what's your name?" I asked.
"Oh! I'm sorry! I'm Luke."
"Good to meet you, Luke. Um -- do you want to go somewhere else and talk some more?"
"I do -- but I have some other obligations. Any chance that you can meet me and Seth later on?"
"How about over dinner?" I asked. "I really should hit my last classes today -- if for no other reason so I will not make myself to be a liar -- to Will's mother. I told her I couldn't go to their luncheon after the funeral based on my school schedule. Mostly I just didn't want to go. I don't know anyone! She was just being polite anyway."
"Dinner it is! 8:00 okay?"
"Yeah! Where shall we eat?"
"Why don't you -- um -- do you have transportation?"
"Yeah." I said pointing to my "Z" that we were approaching. I didn't see another car. "Where are you parked?"
"I didn't drive. I'll catch a bus."
"No you won't!" I said. "Get in! This way, you can show me where you live, so I won't get lost tonight!"
I expected that he would be directing me to the poorer side of town since he didn't have wheels. As we drove further and further, it was getting pretty evident that we were going AWAY from where I suspected he would lead me. We ended up in the most extravagant part of town, and he had me turn into a driveway to the rear of a mansion that made my eyes bug out.
"This is it." He said. "Thanks! See you tonight around eight, then?" He flashed me a big grin this time.
"I'll be there!" I said. He ran up some stairs to a flat that was above the carport.
I had lots of questions as I drove away. Maybe I would get some of them answered.
"Hi Dad!" I greeted him, answering my phone seeing Dad's cell number in caller I.D.
"You sound pretty `up', coming from a funeral. How was it?"
"Oh! It was okay, I guess. Will's mom was surprisingly nice. I met a guy there."
"Wow! So that's why you're so perky?"
"It's not what you're thinking, Dad. He was a friend of Will's - or rather of Will's friend Ronny."
"Wasn't that the other - "
"Yeah. Actually Ronny was a cousin of Luke's partner." I said. "Luke is the guy I met."
"And Ron was his partner's cousin? Is that like in `gay' partner?"
"Yeah. It's complicated. Anyway, I'm going to their place for dinner tonight."
"And -- his partner will be there tonight?"
"Yeah." I said.
"Good. Hope you can all help each other deal with this situation. So -- are you driving home tomorrow morning then?"
"I -- I'm not sure, Dad. They might want me to go to Ronny's funeral. I already told him I was coming home tomorrow, but if they ask again, I think I want to go."
"It's okay. You do whatever is good for you, Honey."
"Honey"? He's never called me that before.
"I have some -- er -- news for you, when you do come home, so I hope it will be this weekend some time."
"Oh it will!" I answered.
"Let me know as soon as you can when to expect you -- okay?"
"Sure, Dad. Love you!"
"Same here, Son."
I hadn't even put down my phone when it rang again. This time it was from home.
"Hello?" I said.
"Jamey!"
"Oh, Habby! What's up?" Habby never calls me! Now twice in two days. "Dude, You're busted!" I joked.
"Are you coming home tomorrow?"
"Um -- probably -- sometime! Why?"
"You have to! To meet Dad's new friend. He met someone last weekend."
"Really?" I said.
"Yup! And it's someone who's barely older than you!"
"Wow!" I responded. "A girl?"
"Fuck yes, a girl! What do you think he is, a - " He stopped short. "Yeah! And She's HOT!"
"Behave yourself Hab! Don't scare her off!"
"Oh I won't!"
"You will if you are your normal self! Be cool."
"Don't worry!"
"Well, I do worry! You KNOW I love you to pieces, Hab! But sometimes you don't know when to shut -- er -- keep things to yourself."
"Hey! I didn't call you to get lectured! Your not my dad! I thought it would be fun to -- oh never mind!" he said. I thought he was gonna hang up, but he didn't.
"Hab?" I said gingerly. "I'm sorry. I guess sometimes I take the `big brother' thing a little too far. I'm sorry. Thanks for calling. Okay?"
"Yeah!" he said curtly. I think he may have been crying. "So - - will you be home -- or not?"
"I will, Habby, I will."
"Jamey?" He said, much subdued.
"Yeah?"
"I've been worried about you."
"Aww, Hab, I'm okay. I've had some really nice people helping me through this."
"I -- I really liked that doctor -- Steve."
"I like him too, Hab, he's been very sweet to me."
"I meant - - I like him - - for you."
"He's kinda old for me, bro. I don't think I could go for anyone that old. But -- I'm really mixed up right now. Thanks for worrying about me. See you tomorrow. But I don't know what time. I might go to Ron's funeral. He's the other guy that was killed."
"I really wanted to be there with you, Jamey! And for you! I -- I -- I cried myself to sleep the night I left that message. I miss you!"
"And I miss you, Little brother! And -- I love you!"
"Me too! Well, that's all I had to say."
"Ok. See you tomorrow!"
"Bye!" He said, then, "Wait!"
"What?" I said.
"Maybe I can get Dad to take me to the bus station tonight!"
"That'd be great! Just call and let me know. It's so late already -- it may be pretty late. And ^Å I have a dinner to go to tonight."
"I'll call you! Love you!"
Wow! Has Habby ever told me that?? "Love you too, Hab! Bye!"
By the time I hung up, I was back at school. I had just enough time to run in and change clothes and make it to my last class. On the way out I collided with John. We were both rushing to get to class. We saw each other at the last minute. I stopped short but stumbled -- right into his arms. He kept me from falling and maybe held me a little longer than was necessary.
"Hey!" he said, chuckling. "We gotta stop meeting like this!" A couple others in the hallway snickered. "How are you holding up?"
"I'm makin' it. Thanks." I quickly answered.
We both ran out the door together and headed in opposite directions to class. In class the professor droned on about something. I was never very good in lectures. I could easily just get the material, study the written stuff and take my tests. My mind was wandering as usual. I was thinking of all the nice people -- nice guys -- I had met since last week. I was feeling more than a little guilty about how most of them affected me, when Will wasn't gone even a week. Is that crazy, or what?
As soon as class was over, my phone rang again. I didn't recognize the number.
"Hey, Jamey. This is Grant."
"Grant! Hey!" An immediate picture of him came in to my head. An immediate reaction came in to my pants! I was getting disgusted with myself.
"Are you doing okay? I got to thinking about you and -- I just can't imagine what it must be like."
"I'm -- doing okay. Went to the funeral today, and tomorrow I may go to Ronny's."
"That was the other guy. Did you know him?"
"I met him. But there are some mutual friends. I'm going to dinner with one of them tonight."
"Really?" He sounded almost hurt. "I mean -- that's great! Someone else from the university?"
"No. It's a guy from Hawaii, and his partner."
"Oohhhhh. Two guys. Cool enough! I was going to ask if you wanted to hang out if you weren't otherwise engaged."
"You don't work tonight?"
"N-no. Tomorrow night. They gave me tonight off - to - - because I asked them -- I had -- um -- something to do."
"Oh!" I said. Then you will be busy anyway?" I said, confused.
"Er -- no! It fell through."
"Aw! That's too bad, I'll bet you coulda used the money if you worked."
"Well, as long as you're -- you're -- okay. That's all I was concerned about. Call me when all this settles down -- if -- if you want."
"Thanks!" I said. Bye!"
"Bye."
I got back to my room at 4:30. I started to unlock the door. I hesitated. It was still so hard to go in, knowing no one would be there. It was of course dark as I opened the door. I stepped in. I didn't turn on the light. I didn't close the door all the way. I heaved a huge sigh and just fell on his bed again, shucking off my shoes and grabbing his pillow and burying my face in it. I decided that next week I'd wash everything. The funeral is over. He's in the ground -- or his body is.
Tap tap tap! I looked up and Johns face was poked in the door. "Hi." He said. "It was open, so I thought I'd check - "
"I -- (SIGH!) was hoping you would. God, I hate being alone!"
"You going home tonight?" he said.
"No. I met a guy at the funeral. He invited me to dinner."
"Oh!" John said, surprised. How was the funeral?"
"Not as bad as I imagined."
"So -- how did you meet this guy?"
"Huh? Oh, Luke! He and his boyfriend," (I made sure he know that Luke was attached.) "They live here in Santa Barbara, and his boyfriend's cousin was Will's friend Ronny -- who also was murdered."
"Ooo! So they're just -- um -- why again are you going to dinner with them?"
"I -- really don't know -- except maybe Luke wants Seth -- his boyfriend -- to maybe meet someone who was close to Ronny. I wasn't, but I at least knew him -- met him a couple times."
"Yeah. I suppose." John said as he shut the door and sat on the bed next to me.
"I've been thinking a lot about you." He said.
"Really?" I said, nonchalantly putting the pillow back under me and also my hands behind my head.
"Yeah. Never really lost anyone myself." He said, as he put his hand on my chest. "I can't imagine what it must be like. It has to be worse than when I lost my dog."
"Yeah." I said, reacting to his touch.
"Can I do anything -- um -- for you?" he said, as he rubbed my chest a little.
"Actually, you can." I said. Placing my hand over his. He immediately brightened.
"Anything!" He said. I sat up.
"I am gonna wash these things -- his sheets and stuff - Monday. I may need a little moral assistance. I can feel it like a stab in the heart just thinking about it."
"What's your hurry?" He said. "The smell will go away by itself anyway."
"When my mom died, I hung on too long. I'm not going to do that again. If I wait til his scent leaves, I feel like I'm not in control. If I do something proactive to make it happen, then I think it will be easier to let it go."
"Anything you want -- I'll help you. What time are you going to dinner?" He said.
"Not for another 3-1/2 hours. What did you have in mind?"
Note: Comments always welcome. Please address them to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com and please put "Jamey" on the subject line. Thanks and love, Steve