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All of the usual disclaimers apply to this story. This is a true story, the names have been changed to protect the privacy of those that need protecting. It does portray consensual sexual acts between teen boys. If this is upsetting to you please stop here. If you are not of legal age in your country please close this page. Please feel free to send me an email with your feelings on the story, good or bad, I welcome all comments! justinmelikes@gmail.com.
I would like to thank each and every one of you that wrote to me proclaiming your enjoyment of the story thus far. I tried very hard to respond to each and every email, but if by some chance I missed one please accept my most sincere apologies. Now, on to the next installment of James' Story.
James' Story Chapter 4
As the world went dark I saw him standing there, waiting for me, standing by the lake at our private spot, looking so beautiful with the sun at his back, the sun was sparkling off the water making it look as if he too was sparking. He turned to face me, he was 13 again, he was even wearing what he had been wearing that day so many hears before, he looked just as he had that day. He held out his arms and started walking toward me, I looked down to find that I too was 13 again, we were what we once had been, could this last forever? I was ready right then to give up life and stay with him forever. I wanted it more than anything, I needed it, I needed him, I wanted him, I chose him.
I no longer wanted the reality that didn't include him, I couldn't face another second of it, as I stood and watched him standing in the waters reflection I decided that I would not leave this place, I would not leave him, life without him was meaningless. There was a moment of sadness, all the dreams that I would never realize, but those dreams had all included him, so they were all lost as far as I could see. I knew my parents would be sad, but they would move on, and they would understand that I was just unable to make the transition to a life that didn't include him. With a sigh my decision was final, I would never wake up again, I would stay here always, always with him, always like this, always young, always in love, I could feel my heart piecing itself back together with each step I took toward him.
Just as I reached him he turned to face me. "There you are baby boy." He stepped toward me and enfolded me in his warm embrace, it was as it had always been, I was home, I was free of the pain, I was ready to let it go, it all melted away in the instant his skin touched mine, we were one again. "I've been waiting for you my love." I suddenly felt guilty for going out with Jonathon and making him wait for me, it was blasphemy that he should be made to wait.
I looked down at the ground, I couldn't look him in the eye. "I'm so sorry baby, it won't happen again." I felt his finger touch the underside of my chin and gently lift my head so that I was looking into his eyes. Oh god those eyes, I could get lost in his eyes.
"Please don't be sorry baby, I'm glad that you got out of the house, I was happy to wait, it gave me time to think and time to figure how to say what I've come to tell you." He took my hand let me back to the log that we had long ago sat on, the very same long that we were sitting on when we first declared our love for each other, the log that had witnessed our very first kiss as lovers, I willingly followed. He sat down and pulled me down to sit next to him, still holding my hand he turned to face me. "Baby, there are things that we need to talk about, and I think you know what they are." He leaned in and kissed me, I couldn't breathe; I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight. Yes, I somehow knew what he was going to say, what he had to talk to me about, and I knew that I had a fight on my hands before it was over. I broke the kiss and looked into his eyes.
"James, please don't tell me I have to go back." I was in tears now. "I can't do it! I tried, I really did, but I can't...I can't live without you, I can't do it, I'm not strong enough to live if you are not with me." I was crying with such ferocity that my body was shaking uncontrollably.
"Shhh baby, everything is going to be ok, I promise you this." Once again he lifted my chin so that I was looking into his eyes. "Have I ever lied to you?"
"No, but this is too much James, it's just too much, you can't ask me to do this, my soul has died with you gone, my heart only beats because I haven't found a way to make it stop." I was sniffling now, and getting angry, I could feel my anger building from some place deep inside, threatening to explode, I was mortified that I could be feeling this for him, he was my only love, and I was angry with him. "You fucking left me!" I shouted as I stood up. "You just left, you left me to deal with everything! You left me to try to figure out how to live without you! How the fuck could you do this to me? And now you tell me that I have no choice but to go back and live with that pain? You are selfish prick! How you could even ask me to do that!?!" I was screaming at him, but just sat there and didn't say a word as I got it all out, all the things I had refused to feel before, all the things that kept trying to come out, but I willed them to stay buried.
"Oh baby, I'm so very sorry that I left you. I know it has been hard on you, but I also know that you are far stronger than you realize. You have suffered baby, and I know it's my fault and of all the things I wish I could change, I wish most of all that I could have taken your pain away." He was crying now. Oh God I made him cry, knelt in front of him and took him into my arms and held him tight.
"I'm so sorry baby; I don't know where that came from. Please don't cry, please forgive me." I was once again crying as well.
"Baby, I'm not crying because you said those things, I'm crying because you can finally start to move on now, you had to get that out or it would have consumed you. Baby, it's time for you to move on, time to let go of the pain you've been holding so close to your heart." He had stopped crying and was standing in front of me, he took my hand and lifted me to my feet and led me to the tent, the same tent that we had consummated our love in so many years before. As he entered he was suddenly nude, his perfectly beautiful body on display for me to admire, the sight of him nude always took my breath away. When I stepped in I too was suddenly nude, standing before him to inspect me, to touch me, to take me. "Make love to me baby?"
Was he really asking me this, did he really feel that he had to ask? I could never deny him when he needed me. "Please make love to me James." I was pleading, but somewhere deep inside me I knew this would be the last time I would be with him like this, I knew he would be leaving me, and even my safe place with him would disappear forever, but for the moment all that mattered was him, this place, this moment, he needed me and I would give him what he needed.
He gently lay me down on the sleeping bags and slowly put his lips to mine, I felt his tongue touching my teeth, seeking an entrance, I parted them for him and felt the full force of his need, desire and love. His hand stopped at my nipples just long enough to tweak them, just the way I liked it, then I felt him take my cock into his hand and slowly start to stroke it, I was instantly hard for him, I wanted him, suddenly I couldn't think of anything but having him inside me, to feel him fill me with his love, to become one with him again, to lose myself within him again. I grabbed his cock to find that he too was hard, I rolled away from him to lay on my back, he knew what I wanted him, he positioned himself between my legs, slowly lifted them onto his shoulders, pushed them back and leaned in and kissed me again, I could feel the head of his cock at my entrance, I didn't give him the change to push into me, I used my legs to push my butt up to him and in doing so took the full length of his cock into me.
I gasped at the sudden pain, that exquisite pain that always comes from the initial penetration, and while it is pain, it's also very much a pleasurable experience; it always told me that the love of my life was inside me. That moment of pain subsided and was replaced with pure joy, he was inside me again, and this was real, he was real, this couldn't be a dream. He slowly started to make love to me, I opened my eyes and there it was, what I was hoping to find. I could see the colors of his aura, I could see his golden soul through his eyes, it was searching for me again, It was close, I could feel it closing in around me, engulfing me, surround me like a warm blanket, I felt safe again, until that very moment I hadn't realized how afraid I had been, how much I had let the fear take over my life. I drew in a sharp breath as I completely became one with my own soul, we were one again, we were no longer two individuals, just one body, one soul, one heart.
In that moment I heard him moan that special moan that told me he was about to cum, he was close, he trust into me hard two more times then held still as his seed flooded deep inside me, it was more than I could take and I too spilled my seed onto my belly between us.
James collapsed on top me, I always loved to feel him laying on me, I always felt safe with his weight on top of me. "I love you so much." I whispered into his ear, as we lay there trying to catch our breath.
"I love you more my love, so much more." We lay there for a while, just holding each other, then the darkness over took me and I feel asleep.
When I woke he was not laying there with me anymore. In a panic I jumped up and ran out of the tent to find him sitting on our log poking the fire with a stick, something he always did, even at home in the fire place he would do this. I smiled and walked over and sat down beside him once again. Without saying a word he put his arm around my shoulders, I just leaned into him. I knew he had to go, but I wasn't ready, I would never be ready.
"Brian, I have to go soon. Baby, I know you don't want me too, but I need to, it's time for me to move on as well." I could hear the sadness in his voice.
"James I'm not ready yet, please, not yet! Please James, let me go with you, I'm ready to go with you, honestly I am." I could feel the tears welling up again.
"No baby, it's not your time yet, there are so many wonderful things you have to accomplish yet in your life. Life has been patiently waiting for your return, it's time for you to return to that life. You don't even understand the beautiful things you are destined to accomplish, Oh such a beautiful life you have in front of you baby."
"James please, I don't want any of it, I only want you! You don't understand, I can't live without you, I don't even know who I am without you. Please, please let me go with you!"
"I can't baby, you are not supposed to be here as it is. It's time baby, I have to go, and so do you. He's waiting for you, he's always been waiting for you baby, he only needs you tell him it's ok for him to love you, you don't know it yet, but you do love him."
"Him? Who? I don't want anyone else! I only want you! There will be no one else in my life, not like that, that place was for you only."
"I can't tell you who, but I can tell you that your life will be filled with love, more love than you can even begin to imagine. I was sent to you to teach you how to love, to show you what real love is, and how to accept real love, now it's his turn to love you for the rest of your life." He got up kissed me deeply, then he started walking toward the lake, I could see that he was fading, the further away he got from me the harder it was for me to see him. Then he turned around and smile. "Oh, and one more thing, please don't name him after me, I hate the name James." He was laughing as he walked into the sunlight and was gone.
I woke up with start, gasping for air, I was sitting straight up in my bed grasping my chest and sobbing, rocking back and forth. After a few minutes I realized that I was not alone, I looked up to see Jonathon sitting on the sofa opposite my bed, his eyes were once again red and puffy, he looked as if he hadn't slept all night, he was watching me and opening sobbing.
"Jonathon, what are you doing here?" I asked as my sobs started to subside.
"I'm sorry Brian, after I got home I thought about it and decided that maybe you shouldn't be alone, so I came back. You were sleeping and after a few minutes I knew you were talking to James, I know I should have left, but I just couldn't, you looked at peace for the first time in a long time." He looked down at the floor where he was absently kicking the toe of his shoes against the leg of the coffee table. "Then you started screaming at him, but I couldn't leave you, not while there was chance you might need me, so I stayed. Then I knew you were making love to him, Oh my God Brian, I could feel it, not the sex part, the love part, the love you two shared, I could feel it, it was everywhere, and it was like you were glowing with a golden light. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. Please forgive me." He started to sob once again.
I got up and walked over and sat down beside him on the sofa. "Don't cry sweetie, it's ok."
"It was just so beautiful, now I understand why you can't let him go, what you had with him was so powerful, more powerful than I ever imagined, it transcends love, what I felt was greater than love."
"No, it's not greater than love, what it is, is pure love. He said it was time for me to move on, to let go of the pain. Jonathon, I'm so scared, so afraid that I will fail. I don't know how to live without him, I can't even breathe without him, I mean I have to remind myself to breath, to wake up, to get up. Without him here I don't even know who I am, for as long as I can remember he has always been there, always by my side, always there to support me, protect me, encourage me, and now he's not there." I sat down on the sofa once again. "Who am I Jonathon? Who is Brian Robert Abrams? Jonathon, what do I do now? I don't even know where to start." I put my head on his chest, I could hear his heart beat, it was beating fast. "I have no clue who I am without him, he was me, I was him, without him I'm nothing. I feel like without him my life is meaningless, pointless, I tried to tell him that I'm not strong enough to do this, I don't want to do this, but he wouldn't listen to me!" The sobs were back, I was laying on his chest once again, his arm around me, doing what he could to comfort me, I could tell he was crying too, and once again I was feeling guilty for causing him to cry.
I stood up, shaking my head, I could feel the anger welling up again and I knew it was beyond my control, it was going to overtake me and there was nothing I could do stop it. "What a fucking selfish prick! I begged him to let me go with him, I told him that I was ready, that I can't live without him, but would he listen to me? NO! Instead I get the old cliché `it's not your time'! I mean, what the fuck kind of response is that? All I wanted was to go with him, but apparently he don't want me anymore! All I want is to be with him forever, but he didn't want me to stay with him!" I was screaming, there was a look of to shock in Jonathon's face, but a look of relief at the same time. I sat back down, exhausted once again, but as I sat there I felt lighter somehow, I felt a sense of relief myself, I could breathe easier, the room suddenly seemed lighter, brighter, I could feel the sun light coming through the window, I could feel.
I looked up at Jonathon, he looked like he wanted to say something else, but really had no idea what to say, for some reason it made me laugh, I laughed a deep belly laugh that shocked even me. I reached up and put a hand on Jonathon's shoulder and looked up at him. "If you could see your face right now, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have went off like that." I stood up. "How about you get in my bed and get some sleep, I know you haven't slept at all. I'm going to get in the shower then I have some errands to run, I'll wake you up when I get back."
I took his hand and led him to the bed, he sat down to take off his shoes, it was at that moment that I realized I was still nude, looking down I said. "Sorry man, you should have told me to get some clothes on." I was once again laughing.
Blushing he said. "It's ok, I don't mind." I just stared at him, it started to sink in.
"James said `He's waiting for you, he's always been waiting for you baby, he only needs you tell him it's ok for him to love you, you don't know it yet, but you do love him.' he was taking about you wasn't he?" I smiled as it dawned on me, Jonathon had always been a steadfast friend, but I had never suspected that he loved me, not like that anyway, I knew he loved me as a friend, but that he would, could love me that way never crossed my mind. Yes, I loved this man sitting on my bed, but until this very instant I hadn't realized that I could possibly love him in that special way, but I was not ready for that, not right now.
"Brian, I do love you, I have loved you all my life I think, but I would never do anything that would have come between you and James, you two had something special, you had the real thing, and I've also know that my whole life. But yes Brian, I love you more than you know. The hardest thing I've ever had to do is watch you in pain like you have been and not be able to help you, to be with you. I know you are not ready for this right now, and it's ok, I'll wait for you as long as you need me too. When you are ready I will be here, I will always be here, you just have to ask and I'm yours." He was in tears, my heart was racing, and I realized that it wasn't aching as it had been, my mind was clear again.
"Jonathon I'm not ready right now, I can't even think about that yet, it's too soon, but know that I'm happy you are here, I'm happy that you are in my life." I looked over to the dresser at the urn that held James' ashes, then back to Jonathon. "Do you have a passport?"
"Uh, yeah I have one someplace, I'm sure my mom knows where it is, why?"
"It's time to put him to rest. You don't know this, but when we were in Barcelona last summer we promised each other that when we die we would have our ashes taken there and spread among the dunes, I intend to keep that promise. If I have to move on that has to be the first step, and I would honored if you would help me, I can't do this alone."
He started to get up, but I stopped him. "Brain, it's me that's honored, honored that you would ask me to help you with this, of course I'll go with you, anything you need of me you just have to ask. I'll go find it and get things ready to go." He was trying to get up again.
"No, now you sleep, there is time for getting things ready. I will make the arrangements, and when I get back I'll wake you up, but for now please just sleep, I'll feel better knowing you are getting some rest." He stopped fighting me and lay down on the bed. "I know you don't sleep fully clothed at home, so make yourself comfortable and get some sleep." I got up and headed for the shower.
Once out of the shower I dried and headed for my dresser, as I walked back in the room I looked over at the bed to see Jonathon sleeping soundly, he was snoring lightly, he looked so adorable as he slept, he looked like the angel he was, the pile of clothes beside the bed told me that he had indeed made himself comfortable, I smiled, even his briefs were laying there. I got dressed and headed down stairs, my first stop would be get something to eat, I was suddenly famished. I picked up my phone and dialed my mom's number, I'm sure she would be happy to hear from me.
"Brian, are you ok?" She sounded concerned.
"Yes Mom I'm fine, I'm good actually." I was smiling, it felt good to smile.
"You sound wonderful Brian, what's happened?"
"Nothing Mom, well something, but I'll explain when you get back. The reason I'm calling, other than to let you know that I'm still alive, is to ask for a favor from you and dad."
"Of course son, anything, what do you need." I could hear my dad in the background talking to my mom, asking if I was ok.
"I need to go to Spain, Barcelona to be exact, I need to put the tickets on my American Express. I want, no Mom, I need to take Jonathon with me." You see, I was one of those fortunate kids that went off to college with a shiny new Platinum Amex card, the card had my name on it, but it was on my father's account, so I never used it without getting permission first, they were the ones paying the bill after all.
"Of course you can Brian, but why Barcelona?"
"Do you remember me telling you that when James and I were there last summer that we promised to take each other's ashes there should something happen to either of us?"
"Yes, I think I remember something about that. Are you taking him there?"
"Yes, if I am going to get on with my life this has to be my first step Mom, it's time to put him to rest, and try to get on with my life." I could hear her relaying what I had said to my dad, and I could hear him telling to tell me to go ahead and do it, whatever I needed, it didn't matter, just do it.
"Brian, of course you can put them on your card, but your father said to let him make the arrangements, he will call you back in an hour with the details of your flight and room, or do you need two rooms?"
"No, one room will be ok. I have some things to do around town today, so tell him to call my cell, thanks Mom, I love you, and tell Dad I said thanks and I love him too."
"We both love you so much Brian." I could hear in her voice that she was crying, but she hung up before I could respond. I decided on Anthony's for lunch, I needed to talk to him, and I needed him to know how much I loved him and appreciated him and appreciated that he had not taken James from the wall, he was right, James had earned his place on that way, and the world should know what a wonderful man it had lost. Grabbing my keys from the table by the door I headed out for the first day of the rest of my life.
Ok, guys, this is as much as I can muster for tonight, I hope you enjoy it. Once again, please feel free to send any comments you might have, good or bad, all are welcome. justinmelikes@gmail.com and for those that have asked for it, here is the phonetics on my name...Justin, of course that is pretty straight forward...Melikes is pronounced...Ma-leak-us. So there you have it...Hope to hear from you guys soon...