I got into the shower after waiting for the water to come up to the correct temperature. I lathered from head to toe and was washing my hair when Jake got in with me. I rinsed my hair and turned to Jake saying "Lets switch places and I will lather you up?"
"You've had me in a lather all day." he said staring into my eyes.
Rolling my eyes I said "Don't start Jake or we will never make it to your parents house."
"Screw em.. I want you all to myself tonight."
"You don't mean that."
"Yeah I do.. I should have told them no so that you and I could have just been together tonight." I turned Jake around so that I was looking into his eyes. He truly had a sad expression on his face.
"Since we've already told them yes.. Why don't we go and well make an early exit. I will tell them that I need to get back to finish packing."
"Thats not the same thing. I want to spend the time with you in my arms.. I want to kiss you when I feel like it.. I want to.. hell I just want to be able to hold you." He looked as if he was starting to tear up.
I hugged him to me and said"Jake... if you feel this strongly about it. Lets cancel the plans for tonight, and we will stay here."
"I'm just being selfish Chance... They wanted to see you before you go home."
"Jake if you want to cancel tonight I'm ok with it. I will leave it up to you." I released him, grabbed the shampoo and washed his hair. I let him rinse off as I stepped out of the shower and started toweling off. I heard Jake shut the shower off so I grabbed him a towel and handed it to him. I hung my towel back up and headed into the bedroom to pack as much as I could. I slipped on some boxers waiting for Jake to make a decision.
I packed all the clothes that I had already laid out, Jake came walking out of the bathroom naked as I was heading back in to grab all the none essentials that could be packed. The only thing i left out was my toothbrush and deodorant. I walked back into the bedroom to see Jake pulling on some shorts. I packed what I had in my hands and set the suitcase aside until the morning. I sat down and waited to see what Jake was going to do.
Nothing was said.
I got up and put some cargo shorts on and walked out of the bedroom. I walked through the house and out into the back yard. I walked through the garden and picked a tulip and sat down on a bench in the middle of the garden. I looked around thinking I needed to put a garden in like this at home. It was so quite and tranquil, it would be easy to come out and get lost in the beauty for hours.
I sat and wondered why when there was any conflict or uneasiness in my life I went straight to a garden. I guess I really didn't need to think about it to much. I knew why. there was no yelling, screaming and hitting in a garden. There was no belittling or having to hear how stupid you were. It is natural beauty, soothing, quite and calm. It was the place I ran to when I was young. I guess after all these years it was still my sanctuary when conflict reared its ugly head.
I closed my eyes and soaked in the sun just enjoying the quite. I heard Jake walk up and felt him sit down next to me. I opened my eyes, turned and looked at him. Jake reached over and grasped his hand in mine. I looked down at our intertwined hands and wondered if tomorrow would be the last time I would see Jake except for on the big screen. I shook my head to clear my thoughts.
Jake looked at me puzzled asking "What?'
"Nothing.. its no big deal."
"It must be if you hand to shake it off Chance."
I didn't want to get into it with him so I said "I was just thinking about the trip tomorrow and how I'm not looking forward to the cold again."
"Can you stay longer?" He asked with hope in his eyes.
"No.. I have to get back to work, plus mom has my dogs.. I cannot leave her stranded with them."
"I just thought I would ask."
Looking at him I smiled and said "Thanks for asking." He leaned over and kissed me saying "Are you ready to go to mom and dad's?"
I looked him in the eyes saying "Yeah.. but I wasn't sure if we were going."
"Sorry about that." He said.
"Stop apologizing... give me a minute to grab a shirt and shoes and I will meet you in the car."
Within a matter of an hour we were at Jakes parents house. As I was getting out of the car I looked over at Jake saying "Shit.. Jake we need to go get a bottle of wine or something. I cannot believe I didn't think about it." Jake reached into the back seat of the car pulling out a couple bottles of wine. He just smiled at me and shook his head.
I followed Jake to the front door of the house as he knocked and walked in. I walked with him into the Kitchen as he gave him mom a kiss on the check and shook his dads hand. Jakes mom came up and hugged me after I had shaken his dads hand. Jakes mom advised that we all needed to get out of the kitchen so that she could finish getting dinner ready. As we were walking out to the terrace I leaned over to Jake saying "I now know where you get it from." He gave me a confused look so I said "The controlling kitchen thing." He just smiled at me and told me to shut up.
I sat down on one of the chairs on the terrace as Maggie came and sat next to me. She leaned over telling me what a great tan I had gotten since being in L.A.. She asked how the trip to S.F. Was and what all we did. Jake was more in the conversation than I was since I couldn't remember the names of the places we went.
I looked at Jake saying "I would have to say its been the best trip that I have ever been on, It's going to be hard to get on the plane tomorrow."
Maggie looked at me saying "Then don't.. stay here.!"
"Its not that easy Maggie.. I have my job, my dogs and my house in Missouri. I have worked hard to get where I am.. I cant just drop everything."
"I know.. It was just wishful thinking. It would be great if you lived here. I think.. well I know we would be great friends" We heard Jakes mom saying that dinner would be ready in about fifteen minutes. She also asked Jake and his dad to come in and set the table.
I looked over at Maggie when I heard her say "I have never seen him so in love with someone as he is right now."
"What?" I said shocked.
She smiled saying "You heard me." she paused and then added "The way he looks at you.. The way his face light up when you say something funny. Haven't you noticed him staring at you from across the room?. At my party he couldn't take his eyes off of you for fifteen seconds. I don't know what you did but I don't think I have ever seen him this happy."
"I don't know what I did either.. but tonight he's not really happy. He's really upset about me leaving tomorrow. He didn't want to come to dinner tonight. He wanted to stay home so that we could just be together." I advised
"Really??" she said shocked.
"Yeah.. I wasn't sure if we were coming or not, I left it up to him."
"That surprises me." She said still in shock. "He loves moms cooking and never misses one of her meals."
"Well I'm glad we came." I said to her as Jake walked back onto the terrace and sat down next to me.
He looked over at me and added "I'm glad we came." I reached over and hit him on the arm saying "Good."
Maggie choose that moment to say "I'm glad you guys came.. after all I had to have another chance to talk with Chance.. the man who stole my baby brothers heart." The color in Jakes cheeks drained to white. I thought for a moment that he was going to pass out. He dropped his wine glass which shattered on the ground.
I stood up and said "I will go get something to clean this up. That way you two will have a chance to talk." I came back out with a broom and dust pan and another glass of wine for Jake, I set it down in front of him.
He looked at me saying "Thanks."
"No problem.. just try not to break this one or we will have to banish you to sippy cups." His smile broadened.
"I will do my best."
"Thats all that can be asked." I cleaned up the glass and went in and talked with Naomi as she finished making dinner.
Dinner was awesome as usual. After about two hours I advised that I needed to get back to Jakes so that I could finish packing and get to bed for the early flight. I thanked everyone and headed out to Jakes car with Maggie on my arm.
She hugged me tight whispering "You guys need to find a way to make this work!"
"It would be nice if it did Maggie but how many long distance relationships really work. "
She smacked me on the arm saying "Theres a first time for everything. Give it a chance..Chance."
"I'm very open to it and would love to try and make it work."
"Good." she squealed .. "Now I just have to keep after Jake."
"UHHH wait." I said holding up my hand "Jake has to want to do this too. Not because someones pushing him to do it."
"He wants too. Hes just scared right now."
"Of?" I asked.
"How much hes in love with you, and how bad its going to hurt with you leaving tomorrow."
"Hes not the only one that is in pain." Jake walked over asking "Who's in pain?"
I turned and looked at him saying "I didn't say in pain. I said your such a pain."
He smacked me hard on the ass saying "I'll show you pain."
"You already did.. I'm still sore from this morning and afternoon." Jake blushed the deepest red I have ever seen as Maggie stood there laughing at him.
"I think you have your hands full Jake." Maggie said winking at me.
"Oh believe me sis I know." He said.
I gave Maggie another hug and got in the car as Jake went around to the drivers side and got in.
We made it back to Jakes house in fifteen minutes due to his speeding. Jake didn't speak a word the whole way back unless it was a one or two word response. Thats when things started going down hill and fast.
I looked over at him and asked "Are you ok???"
"Yeah"
"your sure??"
"Yep"
"Did I do something?"
"No"
"Then why are you acting this way?"
"What way?" He looked over at me giving me the death stare.
"Like your pissed off."
"Because I am." he practically screamed.
I moved away from him and closer to the door. "Was it something I said?"
"Yep." was the only answer.
"Would you like to share or am I just going to sit here in the dark." I asked in a very monotone voice. Jake pulled up to the house and got out of the car and leaned back in saying "Sit here in the dark as far as I fucking care." He slammed the door and stomped into the house.
I watched him go into the house thinking at least he left the door open. I laid my head back on the head rest trying to figure out what I had said. I guess I could have embarrassed him with the last comment about this morning and afternoon. But then again it could have been anything. I opened the door of the car and got out and walked into the house. I shut and locked the door and started up the stairs to his bedroom. I walked in as Jake was coming out of the bathroom. He had already changed his clothes.
I sat down on the end of the bed and asked "Could you please let me in on what I said that has you so pissed off at me."
"You fucking told her!!" He screamed at me .
"Told who what? " I asked confused.
"If you cant even admit to what you've done then I have nothing to say to you. I Cant believe your going to sit there and act like you have no clue what the hell I am talking about.!"
I was starting to get upset. I stood and looked him in the eyes with tears running down my cheeks "This is no fucking act Jake.. I have no clue what the hell your talking about. Who was I supposed to have told what?"
The only thing that was seen in his eyes was hatred. He screamed "You told Maggie about us!!!! about you and I being together. How the fuck could you. How dare you!!"
"Jake maybe you need to call and clear this up with Maggie. I did no such thing."
"Your just going to stand here and lie to me." He walked away from me.
I turned and walked over to my suitcase threw it on the bed saying "I'm not lying Jake. I have no reason to Lie. As I said before, maybe you need to call Maggie and clear this up with her." I continued to cry as he ranted and raved about how he couldn't trust me now, and that its good that I'm leaving in the morning. I walked into the bathroom and grabbed what I had left to be packed in the morning and threw it in the suitcase. Zipped it up and placed it back on the floor I grabbed my cell phone and called for a cab. Jake ranted and raved the whole time not paying any attention to what I was doing. The cab company advised that they would pick me up within a half hour if not sooner. I walked into the bathroom to make sure that I had everything. Once I was satisfied that I had everything I grabbed my suitcase and wheeled it to the top of the stairs and carried it to the door and sat it down to wait for the cab. I went back upstairs to grab my backpack as Jake went into the bathroom and slammed the door shut.
I went over to his house phone and picked it up and dialed Maggie's cell phone number.
"Hey Jake.. whats up?"
"Maggie its Chance."
"Hey Chance. Did you forget something at mom and dads?"
"No.. Its Jake hes really upset right now.. He thinks that I told you that he and I were together.. He wont even talk to me. The only thing he keeps doing is yelling and screaming and telling me what I liar I am."
"Put the dumb ass on the phone." she said with anger in her voice.
"I'll tell him your on the phone. I just wanted to tell you thanks for being so nice to me."
"Chance your a good guy.. theres no reason I wouldn't be. Put the idiot on the phone and I'll talk to you after him."
"Actually.. I called for a cab.. I'm leaving.. I'm going to the airport now. I'm going to see if I can get a red eye back to Missouri."
"Chance please don't do that.. let me work it out with him."
"Its too late for that.. Hes made it very clear that he doesn't trust me. Going home is the best thing that I can do for myself."
"I'm sorry Chance.. I really am."
"Its not your fault. I'll let Jake know your on the phone." I put the phone on the night stand and walked over to the door and knocked. "WHAT!!" was the reaction I got.
"Maggie's on the house phone for you."
"I'll be out in a minute." he sneered.
Under my breath I said "Goodbye Jake." and walked out of the bedroom, the house and Jakes life.
About two months had passed since my last contact with Jake. Maggie and I talked about once a week. She truly has become one of my best friends. In the beginning she tried to talk to me about Jake. I just told her that our friendship had nothing to do with Jake and thats the way that I wanted to keep it. She agreed and has not mentioned him unless it was to say what project he was working on.
When I got home I decided that I wanted a garden similar to the one Jake has. But I wanted to do all the digging, planting and maintenance. I did hire a landscaper to help pick out what plants would be best in what area but otherwise it has been all my doing.
Since I work at home I finished everything that I had to do early in the afternoon that way I could work in the garden. I was digging a hole for a new plant that I had purchased when I heard the dogs barking. I live in a rural area of Missouri. There are very few people that come down my road unless its for a delivery. All the delivery persons know to leave the package at the side door and I will get it later if I'm gone or busy.
"My cell phone started vibrating in my pocket. I pulled it out and looked at the caller id It was my mom.
"yes."
"Bob from the post office called, he said someone came in asking how to get to your place."
"And?"
"I don't know.. he just thought you should know."
"Tell him thanks if you talk to him ok.."
"Ok.. talk to you later."
"Bye mom."
When I got back from LA mom knew that I was depressed, but she didn't ask any questions and I haven't told her a thing that happened. The only thing that I told her was that I had a great time and really didn't want to come back to Missouri.
The dogs started barking again.
I got up and out of the mud and started walking toward the house. As I got closer to the house I saw someone come walking around the corner from the front. I stopped and asked "Can I help you?"
"I hope you can.. I'm looking for Chance Archer."
I was angry.. pissed.. upset.. whatever you want to call it. I recognized him as soon as he came around the corner. I wasn't sure why he was here. Hell I didn't really have anything to say to him. Ok.. thats bullshit.. I had a lot to say to him.
"What do you want Jake!"
"Chance?"
I took off the hat that I was wearing and again said "What do you want Jake!"
"I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to say how sorry I am."
"I don't have anything to say to you." I turned and headed back down to the garden. Jake slowly followed me. I turned back and walked straight up to him and said "Actually I do have a lot to say to you." He stepped back a few paces. I turned again and started walking to the garden. "You broke my heart.. You fucking stomped on it and you couldn't have cared less." I bent down and started digging again. I looked up at him as he walked closer to me. "And now you have the balls to come looking for me almost two months later." I started digging again and said "Go home Jake.. I don't have anything else to say to you."
I heard him sniffling. I stopped digging and looked up at him. "I'm so sorry Chance. I mean that with all my heart. I was stupid and I over reacted. Maggie has kicked my ass for the last two months. I was out of line and I wouldn't blame you if you wanted nothing to do with me. I was a complete ass and I probably destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me." He was crying heavily now.
"Get therapy Jake for your anger problems and learn to trust the people you think you love. When you do that I'm sure you'll find someone that will make you happy for the rest of your life."
Sobbing he asked "Cant we try again.. I don't want anyone else but you.. I love you." He sat down and brought his knees to his chin and wrapped his arms around his legs.
My heart was breaking.. I wanted nothing more than to go over to him and hug his pain away, but the pain was also mine though.. he created all the pain we both have been going through.
I stood up and said "Jake get up off the ground." He looked up at me. "Lets go in the house. I will make us some dinner and we can continue to talk."
I started walking toward the house and turned and asked "Are you going to stay there or come into the house?"
He jumped up onto his feet and ran to catch up to me. I walked up and opened the French doors that lead into the basement. I took off my shoes and hung my hat on the coat rack inside the door. I heard the dogs whining as they came running from upstairs. They shot out the door running towards Jake. "They wont hurt you.. they just sound mean."
Jake knelt down and held out his hands so that they could get his scent. I guess he passed the test, I turned and looked again as Dakota was licking his face.
"Dakota down!" I commanded. He hung his head and walked away from Jake. "You two go play." and off they went. I shut the French doors and opened the dog door.
"I'll give you the fifty cent tour. I pointed to the left.. "Two bedrooms and a full bath at that end. Computer is right there in case you need it."
I walked past the pool table and turned left. I pointed out the stairs to the first floor and walked into the TV room. I walked out of the TV room and headed upstairs which takes you into the living room. "My bedroom and bathroom is straight ahead. From there I walked into the dining room and through the kitchen. "My office is the first door on the left and an extra guest room is the second door. The door straight ahead of course is another full bath. The door to the right is the side door outside and the utility room. Thats it.. its nothing fancy but its mine."
"Its great Chance." Jake said smiling at me.
I turned and walked to the freezer and pulled out some chicken. "Are Chicken Fajitas ok with you?"
"Whatever you make is fine with me." Jake advised.
I pulled an onion, celery, mushrooms and 2 bell peppers out of the veggie drawer. I grabbed the wok out of the cupboard and set it on the stove. I started chopping the onion. "Jake would you grab another knife and start cutting up the rest of the veggies please."
"Sure.." he said happy that I was including him. We made fast time chopping everything up. I turned on the stove and started warming the wok.
I continued to face the stove and asked "Why now?? why after almost two months.?"
He cleared his throat saying "I had some work to do on me... I knew how much you loved me.. and in reality I knew that you would have never told Maggie. I... well my therapist believes that I was lashing out because of the pain I was going through with you leaving." I started my response but he held up his hands and continued. "Its no excuse for how I treated you and the horrible things I said. I know... Maggie made me see the light so to speak about everything. So I figured that I needed to get my temper in check, work on my insecurities and figure out how to be a better communicator before I came after you."
"Is that suppose to change how I feel?" I asked.
"No.. I just wanted you to know.. I'm hoping that one day you can forgive me and that we can try again. I'm sure that I hurt you really bad, and I am truly sorry about that. Chance I only see myself with you. I am willing to wait however long it takes for you to forgive me."
JAKESCHANCE@GMAIL.COM