Jaiden Chapter 183
Gregory Patrick
10/09/2022
Jaiden – Chapter 183
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I will remind everybody that the story Jaiden is about Family, Love, Acceptance, Forgiveness, and Inclusion. Even so, it is just a story full of those five points, not a factual autobiography; please read the story as such.
Greg Patrick
"Jaiden, you have been more irked by things lately than in the past; what's up?" "Charley, what's up is that I have gotten so fed up with narcissists and gaslighters that I want to choke the hell out of the whole lot of them. They lead such piss-poor lives that the only thing they can do is look in a mirror and see themselves as the only perfect person to have ever graced this earth. They do their best to make others look small and feel insignificant when all they do is make themselves look that way."
"Jaiden, how do you handle someone like that?" "Charley, have you ever heard of flat affect?" "No, not really. What is it." "It's a method of shutting down gaslighting narcissists. When they are doing their best to piss you off, you let whatever they say and do go without a response – a response the gaslighting narcissist expects as a comeback. The other thing you have to do with such a person is to permanently remove them from your life for your sanity because such a person will never change!
If Pastor Jefferson can change and Reverend Simmons can change, and Pastor Todd Simmons can be accepting, others can too! If they want to continue being a gaslighting narcissist, then all they need to know is it is half-mooned, cracked down the middle, and they can kiss it!" "Bro, you are mad." "Not mad, Charley, just fed up with a-holes who think they are smarter than anybody else." "I have to agree with you on that, Jaiden; I've had enough of those people. All they are is neanderthal trolls. Don't respond to the Neanderthals." "I won't anymore, Charley. But there is one thing I'd like to do, and that is meet their parents to see if they are as baseless and ignorant as their children. The one thing I have done is contact his ISP provider to have his account shut down." "Good for you, Jaiden; I hope they ream the dumbass a new one. There is nothing I dislike more than a gaslighting narcissist." "You can say that again; those people deserve a special place in hell!"
"Uncle Jaiden, I want to talk to the Rabbi about converting to Judaism. Can you give me an idea of what to expect after I talk to him?" "Andrew, the first thing you have to resolve is don't listen to people like David who think they know everything about everything and try to make your life miserable by talking a lot about nothing. Don't let the stupidity and ignorance of a person like him get you down."
"First, converting to Judaism is your choice. There are many converts to all facets of Judaism: Hasidic, who are ultra-orthodox. The late great Rebbie, Menachim Schneerson, who was a Rebbie in the ultra-Orthodox movement, said once that to be a true convert, you have to convert and become a member of the Hassidim. That was his personal opinion, not one I share. Many of his followers believe as he taught in his synagogue in New York. They believed that when Rebbie Schneerson died, he would come back as the Messiah. As you well know, Andrew, that didn't happen."
"Judaism is a life-long process in which you will never stop learning. You can't convert to Judaism and call it a day. You will become involved in a lifelong study of the faith. Some parts of your study will be fun and enlightening, and some not so much. You will have to discipline yourself as you learn about Judaism."
"Be comfortable with your conversion decision, and don't let the comments and questions some jackasses will ask. Why you convert to Judaism is nobody's business but yours, and you don't have to comment on your decision to anybody except the Rabbis and the congregation."
"Be honest about your conversion. If you have a question about something, don't be embarrassed or shy about asking Rabbi Kravitz; he is straightforward and easy to talk to. He'll be glad to help you through any doubts you'll have during your conversion – and he won't get upset about any questions you may have." "Uncle Jaiden..." Rabbi Kravitz walked up and said, "Your Uncle Jaiden is correct, Andrew; I'll help you with whatever questions you may have before your conversion begins and during the learning process of your conversion. Every convert has doubts and questions at some point, even you."
"Hello, Rabbi; we didn't hear you walk up." "Guys, forgive me if I interrupted anything; I know Andrew has been talking about conversion, and I saw you two out here talking, and I thought I would see if he had any questions I could answer now." "Andrew, didn't I tell you the Rabbi would be easy to talk with?" "Yes, Sir."
"Andrew, I heard your uncle tell you to be comfortable with yourself when you start classes on converting to our faith. One of the most important things you can do in converting to Judaism is to be yourself, not what someone else may want you to be. No Jew has had every experience possible in Judaism, I know I certainly haven't, and I have been a Jew all my life and a Rabbi for the past twenty years. `Authentic' Jews come from all walks of life, and the best way to be an authentic Jew is to be yourself."
"Rabbi, what do you mean by be me?" "Andrew, just be the loving young man you have always been, help people when and where you can like your uncles do; simply always try to be a good person, and you will have a happy, prosperous, and productive life in whatever you do."
"Son, if you decide to be a part of liberal Judaism, like being in the Reform movement, study tradition to make your experience more fulfilling. You can be kosher or not; some people adapt Judaism to their lifestyles, and there is nothing wrong with that. There were inherent dangers in the old days when it was forbidden to eat shellfish and pork. Modern refrigeration and cooking methods have removed the dangers of eating certain foods that Moses instructed Jews to avoid. Pick Judaic practices that help you build your faith."
"So, I don't have to do all the strict stuff all the time?" "Not at all, Andrew. You need to enjoy life to enjoy Judaism; Judaism can be fun if you approach it that way." "That makes me feel a little bit better than before." "Good, that is how you should feel. But studying and learning Hebrew can get scary and make you doubt if you can learn it."
"When you are at home with your mom and dad on weekends, have you seen them pray in the morning, in the middle of the day, and later in the evening? "Yes, sir, I have, and I wondered why they pray like that."
"Andrew, praying is a way of getting peace inside of you, of putting gratitude in your heart. Do you know what gratitude means?" "Yes, sir, it means to be glad about something." "Very correct, young man. Everything you do as an observant Jew leads to a happier life full of inner peace, gratitude, and happiness; that experience is different for everybody."
"Part of the best things about converting to Judaism is getting to know and spend time with other Jews and doing things with them, especially involving putting their faith into action. To me, that is the most fun part about being Jewish, and it's probably the same for your parents and your uncles." Jaiden spoke up and said the Rabbi was right and told Andrew to think about the things his Uncle Peyton and he did to help others." "Uncle Jaiden, do you mean like helping me get away from my original dad and the beatings I got from him?" "That is exactly what I mean, Andrew. You can do the same thing when you grow up."
"Andrew, did you know that there are things that aren't religious that make Judaism fun?" "No, sir, I never thought of that. What do you mean?" "Well, exploring Jewish foods can be fun – and delicious. You are learning about and participating in art like painting, acting, and dancing. Watching films on Judaism can help you connect with your Jewish community and learn things you might not learn otherwise. Doing things like that help us become a bigger participant in Judaism and make our faith stronger in our hearts."
"Something else you need to understand is that the experiences of converting to Judaism are different for everybody. It might take a little time to convert, while it may take someone else a lot longer. It's just easier for some people than it is for others. And a fun part of conversion is that those who find converting easier, they can help those who find it harder – and that builds friendship and camaraderie."
"When we start working together on your Jewish education, Rabbi Belson and I will do everything we can to make your conversion experience much more fun. If you have difficulty with something in the learning process, let Rabbi Belson or me know, and we'll help you with whatever questions or problems you have. Create your learning path to make things fun, and let your parents and uncles help you." "Rabbi, I feel better now; I think converting to Judaism is going to be fun, and I know my mom will help me, and she'll be proud of me when I take my Bar Mitzvah." "Buddy, that is a good way to look at things."
"Andrew, may I ask you a question?" "Yes, sir." "Have you enjoyed and been happy with your new family? "Oh, yes, sir! I love my little brothers, and I have fun with my new friends across the street, and Uncle Jaiden, Uncle Peyton, Uncle Dale, and Uncle Charley make me feel special. They let me come to their house and play with my cousins, which is so much fun."
"Andrew, I am so glad to hear that; you know your uncles, your cousins, and your mom and dad are special people." "Yes, sir, I know. I know my mom and dad love me and want the best for me, and I don't have to worry about my dad beating me like my old dad did every night." "Good, buddy!"
"Uncle Jaiden, I think it will be fun converting to Judaism." "I think so, too, Andrew; would you like to go play with your cousins now?" Andrew didn't answer Jaiden's last question; he ran to the yard to play with all ten of his cousins.
"Jaiden, tell me something: what is your philosophy on having such a peaceful, loving family?"
"Rabbi, we never fuss, cuss, or raise our voices. We treat our friends and enemies the way we want to be treated – with respect and dignity. There are five fundamental observances we have for people in this house; first, there is love. We love everybody the same, and we show love; we don't just talk about it. Secondly, we accept everyone for who they are, not whom we want them to be. Individuality is essential for an individual's happiness and well-being. Thirdly, we place heavy emphasis on forgiveness. Friendship and family are forever, no matter what. Everybody has bad days, and we don't hold that against anyone. Fourth is inclusion. All family members are included in everything we do, and if family and friends are visiting, they are included in family events as well – especially in attendance at Shabbat services. And finally, family; family is family no matter what, and we will always stand by and behind our family – and that goes for friends as well!"
"Jaiden, that is an admirable way to live, and I am proud of you for being that way." "Rabbi, I appreciate that, but I don't know if I would call our lifestyle admirable; loving, comfortable, enjoyable maybe, but admirable...I'll leave that judgment up to others." "You guys are good men, Jaiden." "We try hard to be good men, Rabbi, really hard." "Believe me, friend, it shows." "Good, let's let that speak for itself; I don't want to be a braggart."
"Rabbi, I'll talk to Andrew about things he might expect before his conversion is complete." "Great, Jaiden; the more he knows ahead of time, the more comfortable and happier he'll be. You all have a good night; I'll spend some time with the missus since I see she just turned out the lights in the kids' rooms." "Have a good night, Rabbi." "You do the same, my friend."
"Uncle Jaiden, Jamie told me that the Rabbi might have to do something to my thing; is that true?" "Andrew, what Jamie was talking about is a Bris Melah. Jewish boys have a bris milah ceremony to bind them to Hashem's covenants with the Jewish people. The Rabbi does it when the baby is eight days old."
"What does the Rabbi do, Uncle Jaiden?"
"The Rabbi uses specific instruments that hold the extra skin on the front of the penis, your thing as you call it so that the excess skin can be trimmed off. It doesn't hurt the baby, although the babies usually cry because something is happening, and they don't like it. When the baby cries, the Rabbi will put a few drops of wine on the baby's tongue, and he usually stops crying immediately."
"Am I going to have to have that done?" "Andrew, when your uncles examined you in the hospital, we noted that you were circumcised, so I don't think the Rabbi will make you do that in front of everybody at the conversion ceremony. He didn't make your Uncle Charley have a circumcision when he converted to Judaism since he, like you, was already circumcised. When Charley thought he would have to go through a bris procedure, he almost fainted; it was hilarious how he worried about that."
"Andrew, at some point, the Rabbi will let you stand before the congregation and tell them why you want to convert to Judaism, so that is something you need to start thinking about." "I already have that written down because Dad told me I would have to do that." "And your dad is right, buddy. Don't worry about having a bris milah since you are already circumcised; the Rabbi won't be concerned about that part of your conversion." That's good because I don't think I could be naked in front of people, especially in front of Mom." "Well, Andrew, I know that your mom wouldn't want to see you naked; she respects your privacy and would never do anything that would embarrass you."
"I've got a good Mom now, don't I, Uncle Jaiden?" "No, Andrew, you have a great Mom, and she loves you more than you will ever know; she will make sure you are protected from getting hurt again by an adult. Your dad loves you the way your mom does, and he would hurt someone badly if they hurt you. And then there is your Uncle Peyton; any adult who fights with him over you or one of our children would likely get hurt very badly. Your Uncle Peyton doesn't like people who hurt children."
"Uncle Jaiden, are you telling me I don't have to be afraid anymore like I was in my old home?" "Yes, Andrew, I am. You don't have to be scared like that anymore."
"I think your mom and dad may be ready for us to return to your house; we've been here quite a while." "OK."
Jaiden walked Andrew back to his house, where his new mom and dad had set everything up to celebrate his birthday. All his friends from the synagogue were hiding in the backyard, and the bicycle his parents had gotten him was hidden in their bedroom.
When Jaiden and Andrew went inside the house, Sally told Andrew they would grill hamburgers and make homemade ice cream on the deck to go on outside and get ready to eat. When Andrew walked out, he saw a table full of gifts, and then his friends jumped out of their hiding places and yelled, "SURPRISE!"
Andrew was so surprised that tears welled up in his eyes. He'd never had a birthday party before and wasn't sure what he should do. His dad walked outside and asked his son if he was surprised. Andrew looked up at his dad and asked what was going on."
"Andrew, you've never had a birthday party before?" "No, sir; I didn't know you could have a party for your birthday." "Andrew!" "No, sir, I didn't. We never celebrated my birthday at my old home, and I never got presents for anything." "Son, that will change here; you will have birthday parties, and you can have friends spend the night with you, and we will have campouts in the backyard."
"Mom said she was going to cook hamburgers outside on the deck and that she was going to make homemade ice cream. How is she going to do that?" "You have never had anything like Mom is fixing, have you?" "No, sir, I didn't know you could cook outside, and I thought you could only get ice cream at the grocery store." "Well, when Mom and Uncle Dale bring everything outside, I'll show you how they will fix lunch, OK?" "Thanks, Dad." "You're welcome, Buddy."
Richard left Andrew in the backyard to play with his friends, went inside the house, and headed straight for his bedroom. Sally could tell something was wrong and followed Richard to the back of the house. When she got to their room, the door was shut, and she could hear how upset Richard had become. She knocked on the door and quietly walked inside.
"Richard, honey, what's wrong?" "Sally, Andrew has never had a birthday party. He had no idea why all his friends from the synagogue were here, and he didn't understand how you and Dale were going to cook food on the deck or how you were going to make homemade ice cream. When I mentioned camping in the backyard, he wanted to know how you do that. How could such a sweet, respectful child have been mistreated and missed out on so much in his short life? How? They never had a birthday party, never had friends visit him at home, and never been on a campout! I don't understand how someone could hate their child so much that they would make the child miss out on so much."
"Richard, why don't we get Andrew signed up for Boy Scouts at the temple? That's something he and you could do together, and it would be a good way for Andrew to learn skills he can use later in life." Richard grabbed Sally, hugged her, and kissed her. "Sweetheart, how did you become so smart?" "I always do my homework, sweetie." "I should have known you would say that." "Sally looked at Richard, smiled, and headed back to the kitchen."
Andrew was going to be so surprised when everybody finished their lunch and dessert and he got to start opening presents. When lunch was finished, Sally and Dale cleared the table, and Richard and Jaiden moved the gifts to it. Everybody but Sally walked onto the deck and gathered around Andrew. As Sally walked through the French doors, everybody started singing happy birthday, and Sally brought out a cake with 11 candles lit on it.
"OK, Andrew, make a wish and blow out the candles!" Andrew closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them, he blew out all the candles. One of his friends asked, "What did you wish for, Andrew?" "Simon, I made a wish that all of this wasn't a dream and that it wouldn't go away when I woke up." What he said stabbed Sally in the heart, and she backed against the wall of the house, put her hands over her face, and cried for her son.
The first present Andrew opened was from Peyton and Jaiden; it was an X-box game the boy once said he had always wanted when they were all shopping at the mall. When Andrew said that at the mall, Dale and Charley paid attention to the games he was interested in, and when Andrew wasn't looking, they had the sales-clerk ring up all the games. The games were in the second present the boy opened. After he had opened all the gifts his friends had brought, Richard went inside and got the bicycle he and Sally had gotten for Andrew.
When Andrew saw the bike, his eye got as big as a Cat's-eye marble. He had never had a bicycle and never thought he would get one. Charley fitted the bike to Andrew so he could ride it more easily. That's when Andrew looked at Charley and said, "Uncle Charley, how do you ride a bicycle?"
Charley laughed and said, "Buddy, it isn't hard, I'll teach you, and then you can ride bikes with me, Uncle Dale, Uncle Peyton, and Uncle Jaiden." "Y'all have bikes to ride too? " "Yep, we got'em so we could ride with you and your mom and dad." "But they don't have a bike, and neither does my little brothers."
Richard looked at his son and said, "we do now, buddy, and we have a buggy to put your brothers in so they can ride with us. When you get to where you can ride your bike well, we'll go up to the mountain and ride our bikes on the trails so traffic won't bother you." Andrew grinned from ear to ear when his dad said that; he also got up from where he was sitting, walked over to his dad and gave him the biggest bear hug ever. The only thing different from how he would typically hug Richard was that he wasn't eager to release the hug this time. Richard hugged his son back, kissed him on the forehead, and told him to play with his friends.
While Andrew was playing with his friends, Richard and Jaiden got a big family tent Richard had purchased and carried it to the backyard. The two and Charley began assembling the tent, eventually catching Andrew's eye. He walked to the guys and asked them what they were doing. Richard asked, "Andrew, do you remember me saying we could camp out?" "Yes, sir." "Well, all your friends will stay here tonight, and we will camp out with them and their dads." "You mean they get to spend the night with me at home?" "Exactly, son." Andrew was so excited at this point that he could hardly contain himself. His friends didn't know that was going to happen, and when Andrew told them, they were excited beyond their imaginations.
They got excited when their dads started showing up to spend the night with them in the backyard. The Boy Scout troop from the temple, which most of the dads helped with, sent enough tents over for all the boys to sleep in with their friends. The dads would share the big tent and let the boys' tent together – no pun intended.
Richard had purchased a contained fireplace for the yard and some oak wood to burn in it, and when the sun started going down, he placed the firepit in the middle of the yard, put the wood in it, and got it to burning nicely.
Sally brought graham crackers, chocolate bars, and marshmallows outside for the boys to make smores. Richard and Jaiden had picked up some special tongs the boys could use to make their smores.
Once the fire stopped flaming too high, Sally got the boys together and showed them how to make a smore. Then she let them make and warm their smores, which were a big hit with the children. You might say that that night, Sally became the most popular mom around – and she became one of Andrew's heroes.
Sally took little Robert and Peyton inside to get them ready for bed and to let the boys and their dads have some male bonding time; however, she maintained a spot in the den where she could watch her son having the time of his young life. Richard saw what Sally was doing and gave her a big smile and a wink.
Peyton, Jaiden, Dale, and Charley started to go home when Andrew asked them to camp out with the rest of the boys. Peyton excused the guys and told Andrew they had to take their children home and get them dressed for bed – and in their beds; then the guys and their children walked home.
The following morning, Richard and a couple of the other dads got the fire burning again in the pit. Then he placed a grate over the fire, sat a large frying pan - borrowed from the temple's scout troop – over the fire, got it hot, and started cooking some bacon – which is allowed by Reformed Judaism. While Richard did that, one of the other dads whipped up a large bowl of eggs to scramble. When the dads started cooking the eggs, Sally brought out several large pans of homemade buttermilk biscuits and a lot of Andrew's favorite strawberry jam.
The boy's dads fixed their son's plates as the boys assembled around the fire pit Indian style to keep warm. When the dads handed their sons their food, one would have thought the boys hadn't eaten in a month of Sundays. They dove into the food like bears eating salmon. You could say that if they were eating inside and the lights went out, it would be a good idea not to reach for anything lest a fork wind up in the back of your hand.
Peyton had walked to Richard's and was inside with Sally, looking out the door at the boys and their dads. "Sally, I don't think I have ever seen a little boy looking as happy as Andrew looks right now. You and Richard are saints for becoming his parents. Just look at him; he's glowing."
Sally kissed Peyton on the cheek and said, "Peyton, if you hadn't taken that call, and if Richard and Peter hadn't been at the office, what you see may never have happened, so give yourself some of the credit for what you are seeing." "No, this isn't something for which I deserve any credit. The credit for everything that has happened belongs to Hashem." "OK, Peyton, but I know you are a special jewel in Hashem's crown." "If you say so, Sally, the same goes for you."
Jaiden called Peyton to see how everything had gone the night before, and Peyton told him he wished he had been there to see how happy Andrew looked and how much fun he and his friends were having.
As Jaiden walked to the mailbox to get the morning newspaper, he saw Richard walking around the corner, holding the seat of Andrew's bike so the boy wouldn't fall. He stood at the end of his driveway and watched his brother-in-law and nephew having a father-son moment. A smile crossed Jaiden's face as he thought about how his and Richard's bio-donor had beaten Seth, how their and Andrew's journeys looked so similar, and how the outcomes of each were virtually the same. Suddenly, his heart felt light and happy, and his mind told him all would be well.
As Jaiden was at the front door of his house opening the screen to the front weather door to air out the house, he saw Andrew riding slowly back to his house and Richard trying to keep up. He got a chuckle out of how fast Andrew had learned to balance himself on his new bike, and, somehow, he knew Andrew had newfound freedom he could never have imagined before.
He used his cell phone to video Andrew riding the bicycle and showed it to Charley and Dale, giving both a sense of joy. Jaiden would show the video to Peyton when he came home.
When Peyton walked into the house, Jaiden said, "Sweetheart, look at this awesome video I shot a while ago with my cell phone and tell me what you think."
Peyton looked at the video and didn't say a word. He simply turned, embraced Jaiden, laid his head on his husband's shoulder, and asked, "Love, what would have happened if Dale and Charley hadn't seen Andrew at their office, and if they hadn't called me and Richard hadn't seen and examined Andrew? What might have happened if all the ifs had not happened?"
"Peyton, that is a question to which I don't want the answer!"