Jack's Story

Jack's Story By Adam Stewart

Author's note: Jack first appears in the story 'Blind Love' and then again in 'Does he love me?' in which Ben becomes Jack's saviour. This is Jack's story. Warning: It contains explicit m/m sex.

I was born and bred in Bristol but having done my degree in English at London University I decided to stay as I loved London so much. I have a sister who is two years older than my twenty six years and we both love our parents who love us in equal measure. My sister Paula and I get on extremely well and when I moved to London my dad bought us a two bedroom flat in Vauxhall for us to live in. I should explain that I was born totally blind in one eye and with limited sight in the other. I can see shadows but that's about all. Since my sister was already working in London at the time and renting a tiny room, my parents decided to buy us the flat so she could look after me. Not that I require looking after but that's parents for you. They seem to think kids are helpless, especially when one is blind but since they could afford it, we certainly didn't object.

My sister has since married so moved out leaving the flat for my use only. My parents hoped that I'd marry a nice young lady, or at least shack up with one, to look after me. Much to their chagrin, I came out as being gay soon after Paula had got married so that was the end of that idea. She still calls me 'little Jack' although if she saw me naked now I'm a fully grown man, I doubt she'd use the same terminology since most guys consider I'm well endowed with eight inches in length and wide girth. At least I don't get complaints in that department! The guy she married is somewhat odd to say the least. He's a nerd and not someone I can relate to. I have a feeling he may harbour homophobic thoughts but that's his problem and not mine. One thing I learnt from an early age was that being blind meant I had to be forceful in other respects. My other organs work extremely well, including my cock, which I use to great effect whenever I can. I love sex and grab whoever I can to enjoy it with.

I have however had several disappointments in the field of love. Over the years I've met guys I really liked but after a while they found living with or just going out with a blind guy is hard work. I can't blame them really but it has flavoured my attitude towards love. As such, I now only look for sex with no strings having been let down by two or three guys and almost been assaulted by another who I caught trying to steal from me. His name was Cory and he seemed to latch onto guys who he thought were vulnerable. He tried to control me but being much stronger in character than him he didn't have a chance. When I caught him red-handed going through my personal things I grabbed him, thumped him and kicked him in the balls. He soon scarpered after that never to be seen again.

You can imagine my amazement when a guy called Ben, who I met at a friend's wedding, told me he'd been taken in my this Cory and had suffered domestic violence from the guy. I understand Cory was eventually charged and dealt with accordingly. I'd met the guy who's wedding it was at a Guide Dogs for the Blind centre whilst we were both being matched up for a guide dog. I'd never particularly liked dogs but my mother insisted I apply for one once Paula had got married so like an idiot I did. It was a disaster so shortly after I'd got the dog in London I was giving it back again. Since then I've used a white stick or the arm of some gorgeous young man whenever I could find one to lean on. Simon, the other guy, was far more suited to a dog and he lived in a large house in Brighton. He'd met this gorgeous guy called Lee and they were getting married. I'm not a great one for weddings but since he'd offered to put me up at his expense in a very smart hotel for two nights and there'd be free food and drinks, I immediately accepted. Simon was a wealthy guy so could afford it in any event.

At the wedding, I met Ben. I immediately took to him so we hit it off. He was profoundly deaf which didn't make things too easy for us but like me he was a determined guy and we made it work. By pure chance I knew some sign language so used that and later on in our relationship we used modern technology to help us on our way. With the aid of our iPhone and an iPad he was able to read what I said which was automatically translated from my words onto screen, and his typed words were automatically converted to speech which I could hear using an ear piece. It was surprising how well we communicated and even when we weren't using such technology he did have one ear that with an aid gave him partial hearing.

I liked Ben so we soon became good friends. Perhaps it was that he too had a disability so understood my problems as I did his but he was a kind, caring guy and he was good in bed. He loved taking my cock up his arse so that pleased me no end and he wasn't averse to giving me a good stuffing whenever I wanted one.

I knew he was falling for me and to some extent I was slowly falling for him but my past experiences in the field of love had made me a hard bastard so I never told him how I felt despite him telling me his feelings for me. Each time he raised the subject I'd change it onto something else since I didn't really want to tackle it head on. At the time he lived in Southampton and it seemed his parents had rejected him when he'd come out plus it seemed they had never coped with his hearing deficiency. I felt sorry for him so he'd come to my flat in London for the weekend or I'd occasionally go to his tiny place in Southampton. He eventually told me that he'd known Lee, Simon's new husband, since they were at school together and they'd both been madly in love but Ben had got caught up with Cory and one day Lee found them in bed together. That was the end of that relationship so Lee had moved to Brighton leaving Ben in Southampton. With nowhere else to go he moved in with Cory which was of course a big mistake.

As soon as he told me the story I couldn't believe we'd both known the same guy but I never let on. Cory must have left London and moved to Southampton which was where he found Ben, his next victim. A few months after we'd first met I'd agreed for Ben to spend the weekend with me and when he came he told me he'd applied for a new job in London. If he got it then he'd need somewhere to live. It seemed the perfect opportunity for me to have a guy living with me who could see, albeit deaf, and be my escort to bars and clubs where up to now I'd found it difficult to go on my own. I knew I was using him but once he'd been offered the job he was keen to find a roof over his head and since he loved me I immediately agreed. Okay, I knew I was being a mean bastard and taking advantage of him but I was desperate to have someone who'd take me around so I could find other guys to fuck.

The odd thing was that the previous weekend, Simon and Lee had invited me down to their place in Brighton. It seemed Ben couldn't go since according to Simon, Ben had something on at the college where he worked in Southampton. Always up for a free weekend away I accepted despite Ben not going to be there too but on several occasions during the course of the weekend Simon, and sometimes Lee, asked me how I got on with Ben. I was honest and said I liked him very much and he was good in bed. Simon knew from the short fling we'd had together when we met at the Guide Dogs Association, that I loved my sex so he wasn't at all surprised to hear that.

Anyhow, two weeks later Ben was moving in with me in London. His new job was at Milbank which was just a short walk from my flat across Vauxhall Bridge, so it suited him fine.

Ben told me he'd asked a college friend of his called Jason to help him move his stuff from Southampton to my flat. He said Jason was gay and fancied him so he'd agreed to pay for the use of his van in kind; in other words he'd let him fuck him as much as he wanted which I found rather amusing since I hadn't reckoned on Ben being so easy like that. It gave me an idea however since I loved getting it off with whoever was willing so I stripped down to a very sexy pair of boxer shorts which I knew would emphasise my attributes and waited for them to arrive.

When you're blind you have to rely on the sense of touch, amongst others to get to know people. It meant that I could be tactile with guys without them thinking I was getting over familiar. If they received the touching in a positive way then I'd continue to meet my aim. When they arrived and Ben introduced Jason I immediately moved forward and put my arms round him. We hugged and held our bodies against each other. I could feel him pressing his crotch against mine clearly wanting to feel the large bulge down below that was already reacting. As we kissed, I ran my hands down over his butt and felt his nice rounded globes.

"Mm, nice" I muttered knowing that Ben wouldn't hear.

"Yeah, very nice" Jason replied in the same low tone.

Ben then made some comment about getting the van unloaded so he and Jason went off to do that whilst I made some coffee. When they'd got everything inside the flat we sat down and had the coffee and I asked Jason if he was in a rush to get back. Much to my delight he said he wasn't so I invited him to stay over.

"You guys fancy going out tonight?" I asked, "The Hoist has an S.E.X. night on tonight". Jason asked what that was all about so I explained it was an event where guys could wear anything really sexy, including leather gear or just trainers. He asked what we'd be wearing so I replied "Just trainers". I sensed him grin as he said he liked the sound of that idea. Ben said okay although I could tell he wasn't that keen but I wanted to start as I meant to go on because that was the main reason I'd agreed to him living with me so he could be my escort to gay bars and clubs. The fact that I also had Jason with us was an added bonus.

Whilst Ben unpacked his things, I took Jason to bed and we had sex. I could hear Ben moving around us no doubt having a good look but I didn't care. I wanted to have a good feel of Jason. He was even more gorgeous than Ben had described and I loved feeling all over his naked body. When Ben had finished unpacking Jason told him to come and join us. By this time Jason was fucking me and it felt brilliant. I was on my knees and taking his long cock up my arse. He'd mentioned that he hated using condoms so I told him to just stuff it in. I much preferred bareback sex and didn't care about the consequences. I tested regularly so was prepared to take the risk. Trying to find and then open the fucking foil packet when you're blind is a nightmare in any event. So far Ben had always insisted we use protection so I'd agreed since I didn't want to put him off but once he'd moved in I planned to get him to also dispense with the fucking things.

"He's got a gorgeous arse to fuck" Jason told Ben. I giggled and knew Ben also loved fucking me. "Come on Ben stuff your cock in here".

Before he did so I said that now he was living with me perhaps we too should dispense with protection. To my amazement he agreed so I told him to get stuck in. Feeling his naked cock against my soft flesh felt wonderful.

We spent the rest of the day lazing around having a good feel of each other when the mood took us and that evening Ben made us a nice meal. That was something else I found difficult to do for myself and most times resorted to readymade meals which could be heated up in the microwave. Ben was a good cook and produced some fantastic meals so I always enjoyed those. I always told him after each one that it deserved a special fuck which would amuse him.

The club didn't open until ten and the event went on to the early hours. When we arrived and we'd stripped off down to our trainers, I got them to give me a running commentary on the talent around us which Ben always did perfectly using tactile sign language on my hand. The great thing about this was that the guys around us had no idea we were talking about them as Ben gave me every minute detail right down to the size of their cock, or his estimation if they were dressed. When I fancied a guy I'd get him to casually walk me over to the guy so I could strike up a conversation. Surprisingly it frequently worked and I'd end up giving the guy a feel or he'd give me one. Sometimes we'd go to the toilet area and I'd take things further or if I was lucky Ben and I would take the guy home for a good romp on the bed. Invariably when guys felt how big I was they just couldn't wait to get me naked, whether or not at the bar or club we were in. Ben would always stay nearby and either watch or take part.

That night at the Hoist was no exception. He and Jason described the guys nearby and I was getting more and more excited. One particular guy sounded really nice so I asked Ben to buy the guy a drink. He moved over to me and we got talking. Most people didn't realise I was blind until they came up close. My totally blind eye was a different colour to the other and it took them a while to know I couldn't see them. In situations like this I used my hand to have a feel. First on the chest and then slowly work my way down to the area that interested me the most. Most guys loved me feeling them so never minded. This one certainly did and by the time I reached his cock he was almost hard.

"Wow, that's nice" I muttered as I gave the long shaft a stroke up and down.

"You're not so bad yourself" he chuckled feeling my long thick cock which was now fully erect. According to Ben several guys were exhibiting hard-ons so nobody bothered. "Wouldn't mind feeling that inside me" he added as he caressed it some more.

"Just give me the word" I grinned and moved forward to kiss him. He immediately joined in and before long we were kissing passionately with tongues fighting with each other.

"How about we go into the back room" he muttered in between kisses, "I'll look after you".

"I bet you will" I laughed. I was always up for excitement and never worried about what dangers it might involve. Besides, I knew Ben would be near at hand since he always followed just to keep an eye on me.

When we'd finished our drinks he led me to the back room. Ben said he'd wait outside so I didn't have to find my way across the main room if the guy went off and left me. He told me that Jason was with another guy who was busy sucking him off. Once inside the back room, which apparently was mostly dark although it made no difference to me, my guy led me over to a wall where we got down to business. He first knelt down and took my long thick cock into his mouth and started sucking.

"Fuck you're big" he groaned as he tried to get the full length in his mouth. Few guys could do that so I had to be satisfied with the large head being sucked. Once he'd given me a good suck and taken each of my large balls into his mouth and rolled them round, he stood up and pushed me down onto my knees. I felt for his cock and took the whole length into my mouth. I could hear him groaning and moaning with pleasure as the head hit the back of my throat. I didn't want him to come just yet since I was aching to fuck him so I teased him enough before telling him to bend over so I could give his arse a good rimming. He loved that and I pulled his fleshy cheeks apart so I could get my strong tongue inside. Being blind I had to rely on all my other senses so I could distinguish people by smell, taste and touch far more than a sighted person. This guy smelt and tasted good.

Having given him a good licking and fingering using spittle to ease the process, I stood up and asked him if he wanted me to fuck him.

"You bet mate; get that cock of yours inside me". He bent over using the wall to hold himself so I slicked my cock with plenty of spit and pushed it up against his nicely opened hole. I always paused for a moment before I pushed in just in case they wanted me to use protection but like many guys he said nothing so I went all the way. "Fuck, you're big" he groaned, "feels fucking brilliant". The feel of my flesh against his made my whole body shiver with excitement. I just loved fucking a guy, especially if I didn't know them. I loved the excitement of doing mad things when it came to sex and this was no exception. I thrust in and out, slowly at first so he could get used to my long thick cock, before gradually increasing the pace. I was soon slamming in and out and his whole body was shaking but I could tell he loved it from the dirty language coming from him. By now several other guys had gathered round and were feeling my naked butt as I fucked away. One guy even fingered me which add to the excitement.

I must have fucked him for a good ten minutes before I felt my climax rise so I pulled out and offered my cock to the guy who'd been fingering me. He quickly crouched down and took it into his mouth to receive my load whilst another guy sucked off the one I'd been fucking. When we were both done he led me outside where Ben was dutifully waiting. He never asked what had happened and I never told him. He silently led me back to where we'd left Jason and found him. The rest of the time was spent drinking and feeling guys, some of whom were in leather gear and others in sexy briefs but I always made sure I got a good feel of what was on offer as did they.

Eventually it was time to leave and somehow we staggered home. Once there we collapsed into bed too exhausted to do much but when we woke the following morning Jason fucked me again and I fucked him whilst Ben made us a brunch before Jason drove back to Southampton.

I liked Jason and we arranged he'd come again which he did many times. Whenever he came we'd go to a gay bar and often onto a club which was usually the Hoist since they were the nearest. Jason was like me and loved hard sex.

Ben soon settled in to my way of life although I could tell he was still very much in love with Lee. As time went by I became very fond of him but held myself back from getting too close. I'd had my feelings spurned before when it came to love and I had no intention of getting close to someone again unless I was absolutely certain they loved me one hundred percent. I knew Ben wouldn't hesitate about going back to Lee if he had half the chance but since he was now married to Simon that was unlikely. Even so, I kept my love for him at a distance even though I could tell he wanted me to love him.

My whole life seemed to revolve round sex. At work I was very friendly with a guy called Sean. He was twenty nine and like me loved sex. Being gay at the marketing company I worked at was not a problem so most gay guys were out and proud. Since we worked closely together we frequently had opportunities to get to know each other up close and personal. One of our responsibilities was to look after the stockroom. I'd use the computer to tell him what the theoretical stock should be for stationery and everything else we stocked whilst he'd count the physical stock. Once we'd finished the task, we'd lock the stockroom door and have sex. He had a gorgeous body and I loved slowly undressing him item by item until he was stark naked. He'd then do the same to me until I too was stark naked. We always had lube with us so we'd take it in turns to bend over a table and fuck each other like mad. All we had to make sure was that we kept our enjoyment quiet just in case anyone was walking past.

Sean was an amazing guy. He ran a group at his house each month for gay blind guys who liked being naked. He called it the gay blind nudist group or GBNG for short. It was held on a Friday evening and the idea was that blind gay guys could strip off in a safe environment. Needless to say we all had a good feel of each other since that was the only way we could enjoy one another's bodies. He'd provide a simple meal for which we'd pay a small amount to cover the cost. Generally there'd be around a dozen of us so it was good fun. I told Ben it was just a gay group of blind guys and left out the nudist bit but after a while he arranged to go down to Southampton each month to see Lee's parents who'd become very fond of him despite him having separated from their son. He'd travel down on the Friday after work and not come back until the Sunday evening so often when he was down there, I'd stay the night with Sean and we'd fuck until the early hours.

Frequently the GBNG meetings would end up with several of us having sex after we'd eaten and the social side had finished. There was a hard core of about six of us who loved having sex and Sean never bothered since he liked to join in. I'd often end up being fucked by all of them whilst tied down on his bed. That was something else we loved doing to each other. We'd have our hands shackled to the top of the bed and our feet roped to the bottom with our legs wide apart. The person tied down would then be fucked by the others or be serviced with dildos and vibrators. I'd often come home with a sore arse but I loved it.

If I didn't stay over with Sean then I'd bring a guy back to my place. There was one particular guy I liked called Jay. He was from Sri Lanka although he was now a British citizen. We loved having sex together and he loved being fucked. Often when Ben arrived home from his Southampton trip on the Sunday he'd find me and Jay in bed busy at it.

"Come and join us" I'd say but frequently he'd not do so although I got the feeling he enjoyed watching us. When I found out that he was good at drawing I got him to sketch me naked and get other guys to pose for him not that I could see what he was drawing but guys who could see said he was good.

As I've said, I loved anything that involved sex, especially if it included doing bizarre things. Nothing fazed me and I was up for anything. One day Jay said he'd been invited to take part in a porn film and was I interested. I was definitely up for that so he took me to meet the guy concerned. His name was Danny and about thirty five. He was a lovely guy and when he saw me he immediately said he could use me, especially since I said I was prepared to do anything. All his work was bareback so I had to get tested first.

Once I'd given him the certificate to show I was negative and clear of all other STDs he arranged a session for me and Jay.

"Fucking perfect" he exclaimed after we'd done the first scene which involved us pretending to meet and make love to each other. Because Jay was also blind we both relied on touch the intensity of which somehow showed on film even though the viewer would have no idea we were both without sight. Once we were both naked we lay on the bed and adopted a ninety nine position. The next scene was of us sucking each other's cocks and balls before we moved onto more serious things.

He then wanted Jay to fuck me so I lay on my back, lifted my legs up high over my head so Danny had a good shot of my arse. He got Jay to pull me open whilst he zoomed in. At least I think that's what he did from what he told us. He then told Jay to get fucking so having given me a good fingering, which I loved, Jay pushed his lubricated cock into me. Jay's cock wasn't that big but big enough to look good on film. Danny told him to slowly push in so he could film the insertion. It felt fucking brilliant and I was moaning and groaning my pleasure as he did so.

"Okay Jay, give that arse a good long hard fuck" Danny giggled once Jay was fully inside me. The film was to be dubbed with sound afterwards apparently so we could say what we wanted during the action.

Jay was good at giving long hard fucks before he reached his climax. Danny wanted to film his spunk shooting out so he told Jay to pull out as soon as he was about to come. Suddenly Jay yelled he was about to shoot so he pulled out and shot over my hole. Danny told him to push back inside me taking spunk with him.

"Fucking brilliant" Danny exclaimed once Jay had finished, "You two are naturals at this" he laughed. We enjoyed doing it although it would have been nice to see the final result. Once the footage had been edited for the film and Danny had given us a copy, I got Jack to talk me through it as I listened to the dirty talk over. These were some of the times I cursed being blind since I would love to be able to watch porn. I also wanted to go to a gay sauna but I wasn't allowed.

After that first session, Danny got us to pair up with several other guys who enjoyed fucking us.

"Would you guys be interested in coming away for a weekend and doing some filming in the country with four other guys?" Danny asked after one of our sessions. Jay and I said we'd love to so it was arranged that we'd go to some guy's house in the country where we could do outside filming subject to the weather being okay and use the inside of his house. He also had a hot tub and a play room with all kinds of kinky things so I said I was definitely up for that.

Since the weather was set fine for a while, Danny told us the country shoot would be the weekend after next so I took the Friday off work as he wanted to drive down that morning, use that afternoon and evening plus the whole of Saturday for the film shoot. We'd travel back on the Sunday afternoon leaving Sunday morning for anything that hadn't been fitted in by then.

I didn't let on to Ben what I was doing so just said I'd been invited away for the weekend. As it happened he was going to see Lee's parents that weekend so it worked out quite well. I also knew he would generally meet up with Jason on the Saturday for a night out followed by a long fuck but that didn't bother me.

I met up with Jay who lived not that far from me and we travelled together to Danny's place in Kings Cross. He had a large four by four so had plenty of room for us and all his equipment. The other four guys were travelling down together by car so would meet us there.

"Hope you two are up for a long weekend of sex because your arses are gonna be well and truly fucked" Danny laughed once we set off.

"Yeah, bring it on" Jay laughed.

As we drove, Danny went through the story lines he had in mind to get our reactions.

"Sounds brilliant" I replied having heard one in particular.

The guy's house we were going to was situated near Woodchurch in Kent so it took about two and a half hours to get there. From what the other guys told us the large house was set in its own grounds. It had a large indoor swimming pool, hot tub and a play room in the basement which contained a St Andrews Cross, fuck bench, ropes to hang guys from, whips and numerous dildos and vibrators. The guy who owned the place was called Scott and into leather and S&M. Our fellow fuck companions told us that when they arrived all Scott was wearing was a pair of short leather boots and what was called a leather war kilt made of strips of leather which showed off his naked butt and his cock as he moved. He was also well endowed which we were later to find out. He apparently had a tough looking torso which was naked. He wore this get up for the whole weekend except when he was swimming or in the hot tub with us guys.

Once we'd all been introduced to the each other we were allocated our rooms and told to strip off, have a shower and make ourselves ready for action immediately after lunch. We'd each been issued with a jock strap which we had to wear whenever we weren't filming. Any gear we needed for the filming Danny would issue as and when required. I was sharing with Jay although we'd been given strict instructions that sex was not allowed except when filming. Even so, I rather looked forward to sleeping with him since I enjoyed the feel of his sexy body up against mine.

The first scene after lunch was filmed outside. Jay and I were dressed in a pair of old jeans and a T shirt and filmed as we walked casually along a path that ran through some trees. Every so often we had to stop and kiss feeling each other's crotch as we did so. Both of us were soon hard which was Danny's intention. Suddenly during one such kiss the other four guys appeared and jumped on us. We were then filmed being dragged off down the path with us pretending to fight off our attackers.

The next scene was of us being dragged into an old barn and then having our hands tied with rope to a beam above our head with our arms outstretched. Our legs were opened wide and our ankles tied with more rope fixed to stakes so we couldn't move. A hood was placed over our head for added effect. One of the guys then used a knife to cut our clothes off so we ended up stark naked. The guys then took it in turns to suck our cocks until they were rock hard. The rope holding our hands was released slightly so our body would bend forward slightly. Our arses were then fingered before being fucked with various dildos.

Scott had placed some hay bales in the barn which the four guys stacked up to make a fuck bench. Once we'd been given a good fuck with dildos we were tied over the hay bales with our arses high in the air. We were then used for a gang-bang as each guy gave us a good long hard fuck whilst Danny filmed. Gradually they removed their clothes until they too were naked with cocks flying high. The action took place over several hours with each guy fucking us and shooting their load more than once. Danny got each one to pull out as they climaxed before thrusting back in to fill us up. The film ended showing the four guys walking off and leaving Jay and me still tied over the hay bales.

By the time the filming ended both Jay and I were feeling well fucked. We all went to the swimming pool where we had a good swim. I loved swimming even though I couldn't see. One of the other four guys was particularly good and frequently swam beneath me and grabbed by cock but it didn't bother me. He did the same to Jay and lifted him high in the air before throwing him down in the water again. Jay loved it and it was all in good fun.

Scott employed a young houseboy to look after him. He was a Malaysian guy and from what I gathered from the others was about nineteen. All he wore apparently was a piece of sacking round his waist which only covered his front so his butt was on full view much to the enjoyment of those who could see. They also had a good feel beneath the sacking whenever they could which Scott seemed to encourage. He produced a beautiful meal for us all. Quite what it was I don't know but it tasted wonderful. After the meal Danny allowed us all to have one beer. We weren't allowed more because he wanted us ready for action first thing in the morning. As we lazed on long sofas in the living room, the houseboy was allowed to play with us. We soon had him naked and took it in turns to suck him off as he crawled across our laps. We were dressed in our jock straps and not allowed to do anything to relieve our erections.

The following morning Danny said he wanted to re-shoot the scene where Jay and I were grabbed in the woods so we trooped back to that location again. This time he wanted the other four guys to grab hold of us, unfasten our jeans and plunge a hand down inside to grasp our cocks. Fortunately he had another set of jeans we could wear since the others were now in shreds having been cut off us in the barn.

He then took us to the swimming pool. The scene started with Jay and I casually walking alongside the edge of the pool, but this time dressed in a pair of white tight fitting thin cotton boxer shorts and a thin T shirt that hugged our body. Two of the other guys dressed in similar attire then casually walked towards us and the four of us had a play fight. The result was that all four of us ended up in the pool. We then clambered out and Danny told us to stand on the edge whilst he zoomed in on our tackle showing through the wet material. There then followed a session of sex; me with one guy and Jay with the other. This started with us stripping each other naked and sucking each other's cocks. The guy I was with got us into a ninety nine position so we could suck each other. Once we were both hard, he went on all fours and I fucked him real hard. He loved the feel of my big long fat cock up his arse and yelled out as I fucked away. As before I had been told to pull out and shoot my load over his hole before thrusting back in again.

We did several shoots in and out of the pool. Danny had all six of us swimming naked in the pool at one point so he could take shots of our naked butts as we swam along. He then took shots of us clambering out with erections flying high having played around with each other in the pool. In another shot I sat on a guy's cock and rode him up and down until he'd shot his load and in another Danny had all of us standing on the pool side having a competition to see who shot the most and the furthest. Despite having several climaxes we were all able to shoot each time much to Danny's delight.

That afternoon, Scott wanted to be involved so Danny had all six of us bent over the back of sofas offering our butts. Scott then went along and fucked each of us one after the other. He had a big cock and he fucked each guy for a good five minutes before moving onto the next with Danny filming the whole action. After that he had us all lying on our backs on the snooker table so he could go along and suck each of us off.

After our evening meal he took us down into the play room. He tied the houseboy to the St Andrew's cross and gave him several strokes of the whip. It sounded horrific to me but the other guys said he loved it. He was then tied over the fuck bench and each of us was told to fuck him. It felt beautiful fucking the young guy. This time we had to spill our load over his back so that Danny could film our whole load shooting out.

Once the filming was over, Danny did allow all of us to drink. Someone grabbed a bottle of Vodka and we passed it round each taking a slug from the bottle. As it did the rounds we played with each other and sat on each other's cocks. Since we were no longer being filmed we each shot our loads inside each other which felt great. Danny apparently had gone to bed with Scott so left the rest of us to have fun. The houseboy joined us so he too got a good roasting from all of us.

There were a few sore heads on the Sunday morning but since Danny had completed all the filming he was not bothered. We spent the morning playing in the pool and running naked out in the garden since the weather was still warm. It was a great time and I enjoyed it immensely. I half wished that Ben had been with us because I'd have loved to have fucked him out in the open. I made a mental note to get him to take us to some place where we could do just that.

Jason frequently came to stay with us for the weekend. I liked him immensely since he was good fun and loved sex. Often I'd be having sex with him whilst Ben was making meals or doing the chores but he just let us get on with it.

"Have you ever done it out in the open?" I asked Jason during one of our sessions.

"Nope; why you want to?"

"Yeah, it's always been a fantasy of mine; you up for that?"

"Yeah, why not; you know anywhere we could go?"

I said the only place I knew that would be reasonably safe was Hampstead Heath late at night. He'd heard of that place and what went on so we agreed to go that night. Ben wasn't at all keen on the idea saying we were both 'fucking mad' but Jason persuaded him to join us. Since Jason always drove up in his van we set off about half eleven. I'd got him to look on the net to see the best place to go and where to park. We'd dressed accordingly so were only wearing a T shirt and a pair of jeans. I had to rely on them to find the best place to go but once we were in the woods it seemed we were not the only guys around. Jason found a fallen tree so we all stripped off. We then took it in turns to fuck each other whilst the third person kept watch. It seemed our action caused a lot of interest because I was conscious of at least three other guys standing round watching us. When I'd been fucked by Jason and Ben I invited the other three to fuck me. They immediately jumped forward and gave me a good roasting. Having seen us do it bareback they did the same but I didn't care a fuck.

"Wow, that was fucking brilliant" I exclaimed once we'd all had a good roasting.

"You're fucking mad" Ben groaned.

"Yeah I know, but it's fucking good fun isn't it"

"Yeah, sure is" Jason laughed as we made our way back to his van.

To make our way back we'd slipped our jeans back on but were carrying our T shirts. The night air was still warm and it felt exciting. The van was parked in a small area out of view from the road. Whilst I waited for him to unlock it I heard Ben exclaim "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Come on, let's have some fun; strip off guys and we'll drive back in the nude"

"You're as fucking mad as Jack" Ben exclaimed but I was up for that so immediately slipped off my jeans and my trainers before throwing them into the back of the van.

"Come on Ben, don't be such a fucking wimp" Jason yelled.

"You two will get us into real trouble one of these days" he laughed as he too stripped naked. The three us then climbed into the van stark naked and Jason drove us home. It was tight for Ben and I to sit together but it was great fun feeling his naked cock pressing against my naked butt.

The parking area for my block of flats was round the back and had a back entrance into the building. Since it was now around three in the morning there wasn't a soul around so Jason and Ben made sure the coast was clear before we piled out of the van having grabbed our clothes. Ben then ran to the rear entrance to open it whilst Jason led me. Once inside we had a good chuckle before making our way up to my flat still stark naked.

By the time we got inside we were all sexually excited again so we piled on the bed and had more sex before finally settling down to sleep. It was one of the most exciting things I'd done and I loved it.

Whenever Ben and I went to a gay bar or a club I'd try and hook up with other guys. We were frequently lucky and often took guys back to the flat. Having done the porn shoot I wanted to film some more just for the fun of it even though I couldn't see the results but I'd get Ben to describe them for me when we sat down of an evening to watch. I'd often suggest to guys that we blindfold them so they could experience what it was like to have sex whilst blind. Most guys fell for it so once they couldn't see, I'd indicate for Ben to film us at it using my video camera. The guys were none the wiser as he moved round and captured their cock fucking me or me fucking them and then shooting their load of hot cum. I ended up with loads of footage which Ben would describe for me.

One day I was feeling really horny so I uploaded the footage onto a website that showed amateur porn. I set up an account using a fictitious name and did the deed. Ben couldn't believe what I'd done when I got him to see how it looked.

"You really are fucking mad; I just hope those guys never see it and trace it back to you" he shouted but I had a sneaking suspicion that he rather enjoyed what I'd done. Besides, the guy's faces weren't showing since the blindfold covered them so unless they or others recognised their cocks there was little chance of anyone recognising them. I just loved sex and doing mad exciting things. I was addicted to it and couldn't help myself.

Life carried on in much the same way for several more years. I was now very fond of Ben, in fact if he'd asked me outright I would have said I loved him but he'd stopped saying he loved me so the topic was never raised. I knew he was still very much in love with Lee and had the feeling that he was just waiting for the time to come when he could be with him but that was never likely to happen since I also knew that Simon was madly in love with Lee and from what I'd picked up, Lee was not the kind of guy to dump Simon unless he did something to really upset the apple cart and that was highly unlikely. As such Ben went along with most of what I wanted and I continued to enjoy having sex with as many guys as I could lay my hands on. The BGNG group was still going strong so each month we'd have an orgy involving about six of us that included Sean and Jay.

Then one day I received a text from Ben whilst I was at work. It said "Simon is ill in hospital so I'm going down to Brighton". My heart dropped. For some reason I had a good idea what was going to happen even though I had no knowledge of why Simon had been taken into hospital apart from working out that it must be serious for Ben to go rushing down.

Simon died the next day. It seemed he'd suffered a major brain tumour which had probably been caused all those years ago when he'd been in the car accident in which his dad died and he'd lost his sight. Ben said he was staying with Lee until the funeral. I felt lost without him and realised how much I really loved him despite having never said anything to him. The flat felt empty and I just wandered around in a daze. I called Sean and he came over and stayed the night during which we had sex almost all night long. After he'd gone I called Jay and we did the same. I knew it was just a question of time before Ben would be saying he was moving back in with Lee. I couldn't blame him since I knew they both loved each other and I'd treated Ben like shit.

A few days later Ben sent me a text to say the funeral was the following Monday. I pondered whether or not to go just so I could see him but I chickened out and replied that since I didn't really know Simon there was no point in me attending the funeral. I felt like shit after I'd sent it because I should have gone but I'd done so and I wasn't going to show I'd changed my mind. That's the shitty kind of guy I am and can't admit I'm wrong. In my text I also said something about assuming him and Lee would now be getting back together. Why the fuck I said it I don't know but that was how low I was feeling. He replied saying something like 'if he did how would I manage'. In a moment of anger I replied that I had plenty of other guys to fuck me. As soon as I'd sent it I regretted it because almost by return I received a response that said he was moving in with Lee and would be clearing his things out of my flat the day after the funeral.

I sat down and cried. "I'm a fucking idiot" I shouted but there was nobody to hear me. I wondered whether or not to take time off work and be there on the Tuesday when he came since I could have easily done so but again I chickened out so left that morning for work knowing that when I returned that evening he'd have been and gone. I didn't even have the decency to write him a note. When I returned I felt for his clothes in my wardrobe and found it half empty. I moved round the flat and felt for his other things but they were all gone as if he'd never lived there. I again sat down and cried. I even sat at my laptop and typed him an email using my Braille keyboard to apologise for the way I'd treated him but having read it through I deleted it and never sent anything. We never made contact ever again.

Over the next few months I went mad. I had even more sex than I'd had when Ben lived with me. I fucked every guy I could find whether it was in toilets at gay bars, clubs or guys I just picked up in Soho. I got Sean to take me to Hampstead Heath again and I let guy after guy fuck me bareback. Sean would say I was mad to do it but I said I couldn't care a fuck. Every so often I got tested and each time I was given the all clear. Then one test showed I was positive. Since it was a finger test I had to go to the proper clinic to have a blood test. I still wasn't that concerned and assumed the first test was wrong but then I got the call.

"Could you come in and see us please Jack as soon as possible".

I knew before I arrived what I was going to be told so it came as no surprise but I was still shocked all the same. All these years and I'd been clear. For some reason my CD4 was very low. I had felt unwell for several months before but hadn't really thought much about it. I lived life to the full and on the edge so feeling unwell was nothing. I was anaemic and very weak by the time I was diagnosed as being positive. I was put on treatment immediately but I was totally depressed, not only because of the HIV but because I'd lost a guy who if I'd told him how I felt and been kinder to him I might have persuaded to stay with me. It was wishful thinking I know but it was the only dream I had.

My treatment didn't go well. That was partly due to me not taking the tablets when I should. I was on three fucking tablets a day and often forgot to take one of them. I'd see the specialist who'd give me a lecture but I was so depressed that I didn't care what happened to me. I became really ill and the clinic wanted to put me in hospital knowing that I lived alone and of course was blind but I resisted saying I was perfectly capable of looking after myself. My sister came round every so often but I'd tell her I was fine. Sean and Jay did the same but I brushed them aside telling them to fucking leave me alone, so they did. I so wanted to contact Ben because I knew he'd come and see me, not that I expected him to leave Lee for me but the thought of just seeing him lifted my spirits slightly. I wrote several emails but never sent them. I chickened out each time because I couldn't bear the thought of him saying "I told you so", not that he would have done because Ben wasn't like that but I was totally fucked up.

Then one day I decided to go to one of the gay bars in Soho. I got chatting to a guy who was older than me but there was something about him that made me want to get to know him some more. Normally I'd have invited him home for sex but I didn't. Instead we arranged to meet up again for a meal out. We met several times before the subject of sex was raised. I really liked the guy and could see myself having a proper relationship with him.

"There's something I should tell you" I said looking at him with my heart in my mouth because I was so afraid of what his reaction would be.

He held my hand and squeezed it. "Is it that you're positive?"

I gasped. "How the fuck did you know?"

"I am too and picked up on odd things you'd said"

"So does it make any difference? For us that is; because I love you Steve."

"Not to me it doesn't, how about you?"

"Fuck no; no way."

We went back to his place and made love. It was the best I'd ever had because it was passionate. At last I'd found a man to love and who loved me.