Last time...
My hand throbbed. I knew instantly that it had been a dream, but my chest was still on the bed and my ass was still waving in the air, waiting to be fucked. My dick was so hard it hurt. I didn't want to cum earlier today while thinking about Christian, but I couldn't fight this. I stayed in that position of vulnerability, still vividly able to imagine Christian repeatedly slamming his dick into me. I started to stroke my dick, but I didn't have to do much. I snaked my hand around and put two fingers to my twitching hole and I began to shoot like I never have before. I couldn't help but to cry out; my body was shaking and there was cum everywhere. Turning over onto my back, my hand still wrapped around my dick, I stared up at the ceiling and tried to catch my breath.
"Holy shit."
I checked my BlackBerry: 4:14 am. I jumped out of bed and went to the mirror in my closet space. Clicking on the light, I looked back at my reflection while I steadied my breath. I looked like I'd actually been fucked; my face was flushed, my hair wild and crazy, and my dick still semi-hard. And then there was all the cum and the huge hickey Christian marked me with on the right side of my neck yesterday. I'm sure he'd have that smug smirk on his face if he could see me now. Bastard.
I held onto those feelings of resentment. Now that I had admitted to myself that I was attracted to Christian, the animosity I was feeling towards him was the only thing keeping me a faithful boyfriend. I found that rather pathetic. Watching some of my favorite teen soaps, I would always wonder how in the world someone could cheat on someone for whom they cared. Now that I had done it, and worse, had the audacity to want to do it again, I didn't understand the concept any better. It really didn't make any sense.
Which is why I held onto that anger. Look at this hickey! Michael would never brand me like this. Although, Michael and I have never attacked each other the way Christian and I did... If he knew I was dreaming about him, he'd have a damned field day! He's so infuriatingly cocky. And yet, that is one of the qualities about him that turns me on... No, focus! Christian is red velvet cake to a diabetic. He is an ass who does not deserve you. Sure, sleeping with him may be enjoyable, but afterwards you'll just be another conquest and you'll have destroyed your relationship with Michael. Not to mention Victoria. Was I about to turn my life upside down for some handsome jock with glittering green eyes, a smile that made my knees jelly, pecs to bounce a quarter off of, abs on which one can do their laundry, an ass firmer than a CEO's handshake, and a 9x6 inch dick? No, I was not.
I resolved to keep myself busy. If I were busy then I wouldn't have time to dream about Christian plowing me into la-la land. But, four hours and two loads of laundry later, I was zipping up half the things I would be taking home with me for break in my suitcase and sitting down on my freshly made bed. I couldn't find anything else to do. I started to wish I wasn't done with finals, but then I stopped and realized the sheer insanity behind that meant that I was crazier than I was willing to accept.
Leaving my room and heading for the dining hall for breakfast, I started to knock on V's door before I thought better of it. She wasn't finished with finals yet, and as it was about 8:30am, she was either asleep or working. So I made my way downstairs alone, trying to plan my day in my head, and keeping an eye out for Christian. I didn't know if I wanted to see him or not. God, I am such a hot mess.
Working my way around the huge kitchen made me feel like me again for the first time since all this Christian drama began. I charmed my favorite cooks and picked out all my comfort foods. Walking towards the back of the hall and my house table with my toast, bacon, Lucky Charms, a glazed Krispy Kreme, and some OJ, I smiled when I saw who was sitting at my usual table.
Kyle, his attention divided between his pancakes and laptop, didn't see me coming. However, Kyle himself was difficult to miss, his vivid blue and blonde hair cutely tousled on his head. When I finally made it to the table, he noticed me, his chewing mouth curling up into a smile.
"Hey, Jace-Alex."
"Hey, Kyle. Still studying?" I asked, motioning towards his laptop as I took a seat across from him.
"No, I'm all done. Checking for early grades. I just wanna know, ya know?"
"Ha, yeah. I kinda have other things going on though, so I'll just wait `til next week."
"Ah, do you still have exams?"
"Um, no..." I answered, wondering if I should tell Kyle about my predicament. "Just stuff..." I trailed off, nebulously.
Kyle was one of the better friends I had made here in Chicago. This is his first year so we've only known each other for a couple months, but he was always a blast to hang out with and we'd spent almost every weekend at some frat party or event together and too many weeknights watching random stuff on YouTube until the wee hours in the morning. Kyle was cute, thin yet toned from his dedication to the track team, always dying his hair and super gay. Like the kind of gay you read about. Kyle's awesome so it doesn't really matter to me. But I've seen Kyle not so politely explain to people that he didn't exist just to piss them off. I guess it must be harder to walk around with your sexuality on your sleeve.
Telling him about the deal with Christian wasn't really just my decision, though. It's his business I'm telling too, and though I trust Kyle, it just wouldn't be right. Besides, telling someone would make all of this real. And I was not ready for that.
"Ha, OK. Will you be done with this stuff in time to party tonight?" he asked with that cocked eyebrow and glimmer in his eye that I had come to identify as a forewarning for trouble. Although, trouble would get my mind off a certain someone...
I smiled. "I'm in."
I ended up having breakfast and spending the next few hours goofing off with Kyle. He turned out to be just the distraction I needed to get out of my head. After a while, he suggested a run, and so around one o'clock, we were off towards the lake, following one of his favorite routes. It was cold as fuck at first, but once we got into a rhythm I couldn't really feel it. I was in decent shape so I was able to keep up fairly well. We had stopped off at Starbucks for chai and were headed back to the dorm when Kyle abruptly snapped me back to the reality he had been unwittingly helping me to escape.
"Look, there's Christian."
I nearly choked on my chai, but tried to play it off. "Where?"
"Across the street. I can spot that ass from anywhere."
Sure enough, there was Christian walking away from the dorm with a guy I didn't recognize. With a twinge of guilt, I found his ass to be distinctive as well. With another, I was more than a little curious as to who he was with.
"Did you let him get into your pants yet?" Kyle asked with a sly smile on his face, his eyes still trained on Christian's backside.
This time, I did choke. My coughing fit snapped Kyle out of his reverie, and he began to pat me on the back.
"Haha, very funny," I finally got out. "You know I have a boyfriend."
"Well, lucky you, Jace-Alex. Some of us aren't so lucky to have a sex god trailing after them like a lost puppy AND a hot piece waiting back home," he teased, wrapping his arm around my waist.
"Christian doesn't trail behind me; he's too busy getting laid," I said with a chuckle.
"OK, OK, maybe `trailing' is too strong a word. The boy does get his share. But, it's so obvious he wants some of the Phoenix," he laughed. I laughed back, wishing I could see the humor.
Kyle went straight for the dining hall once we made it back while I passed and went upstairs for a shower. Dressed in comfy sweatpants and a fitted tank, I found myself knocking on V's door. I had started feeling guilty about Michael again while taking my shower and I'm always drawn to V when something is on my mind. This would just be a something we wouldn't be discussing.
"Hey, boo. You done?" I asked, while stifling a yawn and making my way towards her bed.
"I just finished my paper due tomorrow. But, the one that's due on Sunday...will probably be done on Sunday."
"Bah, that sucks."
"Yeah, but it'll be fine. I need a break now anyway. Movie?"
I nodded through a second yawn; apparently, I was tired.
"Ha, will you even make it 15 minutes?"
"Just get the book," I replied, flicking my tongue at her.
`The book' was our movie collection. V, Michael and I combined our libraries when we were 15, as we rarely watched movies without each other. When V and I moved to Chicago, we took most of the collection with us and somehow I don't think Michael was sad to see most of it go.
"So, what are you in the mood for? Disney, horror..." she asked as she flipped through the heavy album.
"Here: The Little Mermaid or Cruel Intentions. You pick." Sure, I may not be as "gay" as Kyle was on the outside, but my awesome queerness was just beneath the surface.
"Psh, Cruel Intentions, duh. Ariel may be the best Disney princess, but who can resist Ryan Phillippe's sexy ass?" she declared, fishing the DVD out of the plastic case.
I laughed to myself, feeling I knew V too well. I wanted to watch Cruel Intentions, too; I was looking forward to ogling an ass without the guilty feelings.
As it happens, I did end up curling up and falling asleep, taking V with me. But, not before we freeze --framed and enjoyed Ryan's tight cheeks in all their glory. We woke up a little after seven, and hauled ass to the dining hall to catch dinner before it ended; I just barely secured my bacon cheeseburger and Apple Jacks. Headed towards our table in the back, I was pleased to see blue and blonde locks waiting for us. But, a glimpse out the window made me miss a step. Christian was leaving the dorm again with the same mystery guy from before. From this angle, I was afforded a better view of Christian's unknown companion; he was on the taller side with blonde hair protruding from his winter hat and fashionable glasses over his eyes. I couldn't get much of a feel for his body as he was bundled up against the cold, but he seemed fit. What was clear, however, was their level of comfort with one another. They were both smiling, walking quite close together with what's-his-face's arm over Christian's shoulders. Well, I thought to myself, if there was one thing I could count on it would be Christian's ability to move on quickly. I only permitted myself to admit that I was jealous because it meant that I had made the right decision earlier in resolving to stay away from him. Dick.
Kyle, V, and I spent most of dinner laughing with some of our other dorm mates, the majority of us enjoying being done with classes for the next month. Kyle gave us more details about this party he wanted to go to over dessert. V decided to skip out and work on her paper, but I told Kyle that I was still up for it.
A few hours later, we were at the frat house, already liquored up from our little pregaming mini party back at the dorm and laughing at nothing in particular. I'd finally found relief from all that nagging guilt and all thoughts of Michael and Christian were off my mind. I felt like I could finally let my guard down. And after my second, red plastic cup of "jungle juice," that's exactly what I did. Kyle and I spent most of the time on the dance floor, moving to the rhythm with a group of friends. I was definitely past tipsy and the showboat in me was rearing its head. If there's one thing I know how to do drunk or sober, it's ride a beat, and the way I was moving had random girls and even a few guys copping a feel in the dark. I welcomed the attention but stuck close to Kyle to prevent myself from getting into too much trouble. That is, until Kyle, his lithe body pressed against mine and swaying his hips in time with my own, told me he was looking to get into some trouble himself with one of the frat boys he'd been playing "eye tag" with since we'd arrived. I attempted to nonchalantly look in the corner Kyle jerked his head towards, but I'm sure it was painfully obvious that I was checking the guy out. Kyle's resulting giggle told me I was right. My eyes widened in surprise when Kyle then kissed me on the lips and said he was going for it. We'd never kissed before and I don't think either of us was attracted to the other in that way. I guess it was just a drunken love tap? Whatever it was, combined with the thought of what Kyle was about to do with that beefy frat brother, I was starting to feel sexy.
"Good luck," I recovered quickly enough, giving Kyle a pat on his ass and sending him on his way.
Watching Kyle slither over to that guy and put the moves on him made me feel a little jealous. I had never looked forward to sex in that way. I mean, I'd lost my virginity when I was 16 with Michael and I've had it fairly regularly since then, with the exception of the time I spent here in Chicago. I guess I just never felt excited about sex. Ah, that makes sex with Michael sound terrible. It isn't; it's wonderful. But it is just so not the basis of our relationship.
Kyle snuck off at some point in the night with that brother and I'd struck up a conversation with some third years I'd met on my third trip to the jungle juice. Looking around, I noticed the party winding down. The dance room started to empty out and you could see more cups on the floor than people. Pulling out my phone and seeing that it was two am, I figured that this was as good as it was going to get for a campus party on a Thursday. I started to call Kyle but thought better of it; I didn't want to be that guy. All cockblockers are going to hell. I bade goodbye to the new people I'd met and started the short walk back to the dorm by myself, almost relishing the cold after being surrounded by people.
At least I knew I was a happy drunk. After feeling guilty, confused, and miserable for the last day and a half, I felt incredibly light on my way back to the tower. I even had the gratuitous smile plastered on my face to prove it. I did feel tired, though, and planned to grab some water and hit the sack. Getting off the elevator, I peeked into the lounge and I was surprised to see it dark and apparently empty. I remembered that "quiet hours" were technically still in effect, as there was still a day left in finals week. I shrugged and headed for my room, swaying lightly and giggling quietly to myself.
Hitting the light in my room, I was appreciative of the cleaning I had done earlier in the day. Nothing like coming home tired to a freshly made bed. I stripped down to my tank and CK briefs, grabbed my toothbrush, and headed for the bathroom. Back in my room with clean teeth, I sighed drunkenly. As soon as I found my Nalgene and got some water, I could curl up with my pillow...
Where is it? Oh yeah, I left it in my bag. Where's my bag?? Think, think, think.
I realized I'd left my bag in the lounge when I was hanging out with Kyle earlier today. Mentally kicking myself, I ventured out into the hall again in my underwear to retrieve my bag. Opening the door to the lounge, I decided it looked rather spooky in the dark. I was so used to it being bright and loud and full of people. My bag was on the upper level near the couches and television. Climbing up the stairs, I decided the lounge smelled rather spooky in the dark as well. Or, just plain bad.
"Ugh," I said to myself. It smelled as if someone had blown chunks. Absently wondering whether it was because they drank too much or because of the pressure from exams, I made out the outline of my bag by the couch in the dark. Walking past the first couch, I started to bend down to pick it up... "Uh, I wouldn't..." I heard suddenly from behind me. I nearly jumped out of my skin. I spun around and made out Christian's form in the dark, lying on the couch I'd walked past with a blanket and pillow.
"Fuck! You fucking scared me half to death, asshole!" I hissed.
It was dark, but Christian's frown was distinct. As were his abs; Christian wasn't wearing a shirt. Damn him.
"Sorry, Jap. I just wanted to warn you before you picked up a bag covered in vomit."
"Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me." I recoiled from the bag, angry about its condition and annoyed at Christian's deliberate attempt to tick me off. "What are you doing out here anyway?" I spat.
"Oh, now you give a shit where I am? I thought you just wanted me to stay away from you," he shot back. My eyes narrowed and I was about to tell him no, I didn't really give a shit when he continued. "I got sexiled. My roommate's hooking up, so I'm stuck with the couch."
"Aw, what's the matter? The blonde you were pushing up on earlier didn't want to put out for Christian Matthews?" I asked teasingly. "At least he has better sense than me." I didn't know what possessed me to say that. I mentally kicked myself again for letting him know that I saw him earlier and cared about whom he was with.
Clearly, I had hit a nerve because Christian's frown became more pronounced and he snapped up off the couch. "You know what? Fuck you, Jace. I'm sorry about yesterday, but I'm not going to put up with your bullshit. And the only blonde I was with today was Nick Matthews, my brother, who I'm sure would let me crash on his couch except it's three in the morning and I'm not enough of a dick to wake him," he fumed.
Oh. His brother. Wasn't expecting that one. But, wait a second, where does he get off calling me an asshole?!
"No, I think you are enough of a dick to wake him up. All you care about is yourself, right? You're so full of it, you're not sorry about anything."
"No," he said, his anger ebbing and his frown returning. He looked down at the carpet. "I am sorry. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you the way I did. It was...wrong. It was shitty of me."
The look on his face hit me in the gut like a freight train. Now, this I really didn't expect. He had taken advantage of me? How could he possibly think that? I'd been feeling guilty since yesterday for a reason: I had let it become painfully obvious for that brief moment how badly I wanted him. Now I felt even worse that I'd learned that Christian felt like he forced something on me.
"It's just...I wanted you to want me. I tried to seduce you because that's the only way I know how to get people to notice me. All I have to offer is a charming smile and a six-pack. I didn't know what else to do to get your attention. But, I had to try. When you're not calling me an asshole," he said, looking at me sternly again, "you're amazing, Jace. But, I realize now how shitty it was to force myself on you. And I... I understand why you don't want to be friends anymore," he finished, sitting back against the arm of the couch and looking down at the carpet again.
My buzz was officially gone. I was floored. I felt like such a dick for making so many assumptions about Christian and thinking about me without sparing a moment to think about how he felt. Thinking about the way I treated him, I felt I deserved the vomit on my leather bag. And, I knew then that I couldn't fight the way I felt anymore. He didn't deserve it.
I walked over to Christian, standing in front of him. I waited for him to look at me, so taken aback by his lack of confidence. He looked genuinely torn up. He finally turned his head towards me and I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, hugging him close to me. After a moment, his arms encircled me, and we held each other for what seemed like a long time, but was probably only a minute or so. I pulled back and looked into his green eyes. Leaning forward again, I pressed my lips to his, kissing him gently, but plainly sending the message that I wanted this. Breaking the kiss, Christian leaned back, the beginnings of his characteristic smirk coming into view.
"So, does this mean you want to be friends again?"
I smiled back at him. Reaching behind him, I grabbed his blanket and put it over his head. Then, I took his pillow under my arm and his hand in mine. "Come on."
I couldn't leave him on a lumpy couch in a room that smelled like vomit. I couldn't leave him at all. I wanted him next to me. I led him back to my room, holding his hand the entire way. All thoughts of my Nalgene were gone as I got into bed and beckoned him to join me. As soon as I was horizontal, I was reminded of how much I had to drink earlier in the night. I kissed Christian, and he kissed me back, pulling my body closer to his. I laid my head on his meaty chest, my arm over his hard stomach, and my leg between his. I drifted off to sleep shortly after with Christian's arm wrapped around me, thinking that this felt so right. Tomorrow would be hard, but this is worth it.
To be continued...
Ah, I'm so sorry I made you wait so long for a chapter with no sex, haha. I literally had to rewrite this chapter twice because my computer is mutinous and treacherous and is out to get me. Hopefully the next chapter will be out in a shorter amount of time... provided you want the next chapter, haha. What do you guys think? Jace-Alex is finally being honest with himself about his feelings but how is he going to reconcile them with the rest of his life? I'd love to hear your opinion.
Brandon -- branjenki@gmail.com
P.S. Thanks again to all the guys who've mailed me about the story so far; reading your messages gave me the strength to rewrite chapter three the third time when I was ready to chuck my PC out the window. Hugs =]