TRILOGY: ITALIAN BROTHERS BOOK 1 - THE CORPORAL By Andrej Koymasky (c) 2000 Written on October 21st 1995 Translated by the Author English text kindly revised by a friend
USUAL DISCLAIMER
"ITALIAN BROTHERS 1 - THE CORPORAL" is a gay story, with some parts depicting graphic scened of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family, opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to read this story.
But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or because you think you really want to read it, please be my welcome guest.
CHAPTER 7 - Difficulties
"Enzo, come and give me a hand," Ruggiero told him with a smile that made the boy think that his man had found a way to withdraw with him. Enzo put down his basket and followed him.
They entered the warehouse where two men were moving some crates. Enzo was somewhat disappointed because they would not be alone. But Ruggiero took a pickaxe and a shovel from the rack on the wall and handed them to the boy, then they went out again.
"Where are we going?" the boy asked.
"We have to repair the Castle's sluice," the young man said.
"But we can't do anything there, we will be seen," the boy said.
"Is that all you think about?" the young man cheerfully asked.
"Why, don't you?" Enzo retorted, putting up a sullen expression.
Ruggiero laughed and said in a low voice, "Maybe I have been thinking about it too much!"
"Too much?" the boy asked, looking at him, somewhat perplexed.
"Yes, I should think some more about the work, as that's what don Calogero pays me for. But ever since I met you, I can't."
"If we could just stay together... I would like to fall asleep in your arms, sir, and to wake up with you," Enzo said, throwing him a glance that moved the young man.
"Don't you think that is also my dream?"
"And must it remain just a dream?" Enzo asked sadly.
"I hope it doesn't," Ruggiero answered in a low voice.
They went to fix the sluice. They worked hard, but from time to time they looked at each other and smiled. A man brought them their meal. Alone again, they found a place in the shadow, and sat down to eat.
"Are you looking at me, sir?" Enzo asked with a smile.
"I'll never get tired looking at you."
"And what are you thinking?"
"That I would like to undress you, now."
"And then?"
"And then to caress and kiss you."
"And then?"
"And then to make you feel how much I desire you."
"And how?"
"Making love to you..."
"Do you like my ass?"
"Sure, but I like everything of you, not just your nice, small ass," the young man answered, caressing his hand.
"But then, how could we ever stay together, sir, you and I?"
"Maybe we will find a place, won't we?"
"I was not talking about that. Even if we found a way, you are from an important family, sir, but not I. I am just a poor thing. I could perhaps be your servant, but we would not really be together. We could perhaps make love more often. And anyway I would like that. But we could not... what can I say... we could only have walks together."
"I see what you mean, but I don't agree."
"Come on, be realistic. Seeing someone like you, sir, with someone like me, don't you think that people would understand that there is something... particular between you and me?"
"Perhaps..."
"No, not perhaps. You see, among us boys of the village there are two of my mates who are also cousins and who live very close to each other. The others, seeing them always going back home together in the evenings, started to hint that these two must have had sex, and that they have to be faggots. Just think if they saw us, of different ages, different classes, really being together. No, it is a beautiful dream, but an impossible dream."
Ruggiero looked at him for a long while. He would like to tell him that it was not so, but he knew that the boy was right. And yet, he didn't want to give up, he didn't want to give up his dream to have that boy with him.
"For the moment we have to hide. But I hope it will not be this way forever. We could find a solution, couldn't we?"
"I am just a boy, but it seems to me that you are more of a kid than I am if you really believe in that. Or are you saying that just out of fear of losing me? To deceive me?"
"No, you don't have to think I am not being honest with you."
"I didn't mean that. I know that you are not mocking me. Perhaps the first person you will disappoint is yourself. To you, who never lack money, life must seem like an easy, simple thing, sir. But it is not so at all, you have to believe me. And then, it would have already been difficult if I was a girl, just guess how much more difficult it is now, because I am a male."
"So then, we can't think about it any more? We just have to give up?"
"I didn't say that! And then I don't think I would be able to give you up, sir, at this point. Would you?"
"No, neither would I."
"I just meant that we don't have to disappoint ourselves. We have to take advantage of the few occasions available to us. But they will really be few. And we have to be careful, if we don't want that the few times to become... never."
Ruggiero was reflecting, his head lowered.
"Are you angry with me, sir, for what I said?" the boy asked.
"No, not at all. But I would like to be able to say that you are wrong."
"I would like that too, really. Heck, how I want it!" the boy said with passionate sweetness, looking at the young man in his eyes with intense love and a deep sadness.
The young man felt the pain in these words and smiled at him, trying to soothe it in some way. Enzo felt the warmth of that glance and felt grateful to his man.
"It will be better if we resume working now, won't it?" he said, starting to stand up.
Ruggiero held him back by his wrist, so that the boy lost his balance. Unsuccessfully trying to recover his balance, he fell on the lap of the young man. He stood up at once, jolting like a spring.
"What are you doing! They can see us!"
"I'm sorry. I didn't do that on purpose. But I would like so much to embrace you!"
"And I, to be embraced by you... But it will be better if we resume working and change the subject, or else we are really risking it," the boy said, blushing.
They started working again, but they continued to look at each other. Enzo was enjoying the presence of the young man near him, like something precious. Ruggiero was now bare-chested, and from time to time he wiped his sweat with a cloth he had hanging from his belt. The boy admired his solid muscles, flexing as he worked, and was feeling a strong pleasure watching them, as this reminded him when he admired them flexing while the young man took him. He was trying to tell himself not to look at him in this way to avoid inflaming his desires -- it was just impossible. The attraction that his man's virile body exerted on him was way too strong.
He asked himself if the beauty he saw in Ruggiero was something that everybody could notice, or if it was something that only he could see. "Does he seem beautiful to me because I know him, I made love with him, because I am in love with him? Does beauty exist only in the eyes of the beholder?" Enzo didn't know that great philosophers had been asking themselves a similar question ever since the beginning. He was reflecting inside himself while continuing to work. He thought that he didn't feel he was beautiful, and yet Ruggiero repeatedly said that he was beautiful, and the young man was sincere, self-assured. Therefore, he concluded, beauty is something that only some eyes can see. Beauty is not so much in who is looking at it, but in who is seeing.
And yet there are things, or people, that are regarded as beautiful by everybody, or by many, while others are only by a few people. Anyway, there is no mother or father who doesn't regard his own child as beautiful, even if to others he seems ugly. So then, what is really beautiful and what is not?
"What are you thinking?" Ruggiero asked him, seeing him so engrossed in his thoughts.
"Nothing," the boy shielded himself, feeling ashamed for his thoughts and for being silly.
"Now, come on, tell me what were you thinking," the young man insisted with a pleasing smile.
"I was asking myself what is beautiful."
"What do you mean?"
"You have studied, you perhaps know if there exists something that is beautiful to everybody, and that doesn't seem beautiful just to some people. I'm not able to explain very well, sir, but does there exists something beautiful to everybody because it is really beautiful to anybody?"
"You mean if beauty exist in the abstract?"
"Eh, perhaps."
"Well, I don't know. It is like asking if there exists a kind of food that is tasty for everybody. I don't think so. It depends in part on whether one is used to eat it or not, in part on personal taste."
"Bread, isn't it tasty for everybody?"
"For many, here in our area, but not for everybody. There are people who don't like it, especially in other cultures, who are not used to eat it. Maybe they could still eat it, but they won't think it is really so tasty. People in the Continent don't like the bread they make in Siracusa, for instance."
"Water, then?"
"We need it, but not everybody really likes it. Many prefer drinking wine, or something else."
"Therefore, beauty also doesn't exist."
"Not in the form of something that everybody absolutely likes. Even the most famous art masterpieces, some people just doesn't like them."
Enzo nodded, "But then, what is beautiful?"
"What arouses a sense of harmony in us, I think. What is enjoyable to look at. What produces pleasure inside us."
"Than, that's why you think I am beautiful?"
"Certainly so. You are really beautiful, to me, you know it."
"And possibly to others I am ugly."
"It's possible, even if I find it hard to believe."
"Because you are in love with me?"
"That also."
"But there could be someone who seems beautiful to us, even if we don't love him. Rather, you can hate somebody, and still think he is beautiful, can't you?"
"Yes and no. If one finds another beautiful, he at least in part loves him. One can possibly hate something about another, and love something else."
The boy told himself that he was at the same starting point -- he was not able to say what was really beautiful. "Possibly, then, instead of saying that something is beautiful and stop there, we should say that it is beautiful for me."
"Yes, it's really so. But why were you thinking about such difficult things?"
"Because you seem so very beautiful to me," the boy answered with a sweet and bashful smile.
Ruggiero smiled, "I hope to be so, always, for you."
"And when you make love to me you seem to become even more beautiful," the boy said with a dreamy expression.
They finished working and went back to the warehouse to return the tools. Now the place was empty.
Ruggiero led the boy behind a stack of crates, embraced and kissed him, "I desire you, Enzo," he said with a shuddering voice.
"We can't stay here for too long, it would seem odd."
"I know. But one more kiss, just one," the young man said without leaving him, and their mouths united again, like they were in thirst.
A warm ray of the sun that was lowering to the horizon, entering from the tall small window, lingered on Ruggiero's eyes and made them shine of a brilliant light. Enzo gently parted from him with a sigh.
"My God, you are too beautiful," he murmured, looking at Ruggiero with dreaming eyes, "I would like to feel you inside me."
"Come to the crossroad tonight."
"But..."
"It has been so long since we went there. And I have been craving for you all day long."
"I know. I can feel it."
"Will you come?"
"It would be better not, but..."
"But?"
"I'll be there," the boy said.
He should have said no, but he wasn't able to. And he was happy for not having been able to resist that invitation. He would be cautious, he would make sure that nobody would see him going to his date, but he needed the young man at least as much as Ruggiero needed him -- a need that was not just physical, even if it manifested itself physically, a need that was born in the soul and expressed itself through the body. Soul and body -- everything in the boy desired everything in Ruggiero, completely. And when they united, Enzo really felt complete.
During supper, his father told him that he didn't feel like going out that evening. Enzo asked him worriedly if he felt ill.
"No, I just don't feel like it."
"And what will you do, then?"
"I'll hit the sack, what else can I do?"
"But you won't be able to fall asleep, if you go to bed earlier than usual," Enzo said to him, in part really worried for his father, in part worried that his date would fall through. And he wouldn't be able to inform Ruggiero. "Would you like me to stay at home to keep you company?" the boy asked, afraid of a positive answer.
"No, go to meet your mates. Don't worry about me."
"Are you sure, Dad?"
"Sure, really, there is nothing to worry about, I feel fine."
Enzo bid him goodnight and went to the belvedere. He was asking himself what to do about the date with Ruggiero. Maybe he could go to the crossroad to tell him that he couldn't go with him, to explain the reason to him. Yes, that would be the best solution.
At the belvedere, he tried to chat and joke with his mate as usual, but he really was just thinking about the disappointment he would read in his man's eyes.
Cesare bid goodnight and went home. Ranuccio remained. And Enzo had the impression that Ranuccio threw him a fast glance. Then Manuele left, and after a short while Enzo also left the company. He went towards his home, and seeing that nobody was in sight, he rapidly continued towards the crossroad. Ruggiero was already waiting for him.
Extending out his hand to take him on the saddle, he said with a broad smile, "Come!"
"No, I can't. My father didn't go out tonight, and I have to go back home soon. I just wanted to inform you."
Ruggiero had a disappointed expression that pained the boy. "But how... I... I want you, Enzo!"
"Me too, believe me, but it is not possible tonight. Can you understand?"
Ruggiero dismounted his horse and noticed the sad expression of the boy. He put two fingers under his chin and pushed up his face. "Let me at least kiss you, before parting," he said sweetly, bringing his lips to Enzo's.
They kissed for a long while, but then the boy stepped back, "I have to go now."
"Right away?"
"Yes, or it will become too difficult. I'm sorry, believe me."
"Yes," the young man simply said.
Enzo made a goodbye gesture and went on his way, then turned back and said at mid voice, "I love you, sir, never forget it, never." And then he ran away.
Instead of taking the usual way, being afraid that somebody could see him going back home from the direction of the Cemetery, he went around the village and entered it from the north instead than from the east. He was about to go on to the narrow street, when he thought of cutting through the old ruins of the earthquake. He knew them well since he often went there to play with his friends as a child, even though their parents told them it was too dangerous. But all that should fall down had already fell and although the children often went there, no accident ever happened.
The moon painted a silver color on the old stones that were overrun by weeds, among which invisible crickets were singing breathlessly. Enzo numbly traversed them. When he was right in their center and was going around what they called the "Moor House" he heard something that sounded like a sigh that made him stop. Somebody was there. He pricked up his ears, and a second sigh, like a soft moan, confirmed his suspicion, and it seemed to come from his right. Curious, he silently went around the spur of wall and saw them in the moonlight -- Cesare was on all fours with his breeches lowered, and at his back, with his breeches open, Ranuccio was rocking on him, vigorously.
Enzo looked at them, astounded, fascinated, and thought they were beautiful. He could see their profiles, and saw their absorbed faces, filled of pleasure and they were in a bliss. He became aroused, and unconsciously lowered his hand to caress his growing erection between his legs. So then, it was there they met and, contrary to what their mates suspected, it was the younger one being the top. From time to time, sometimes Cesare sometimes Ranuccio, emitted a light sigh, a subdued and short pleasure moan.
Enzo shook himself -- he had to go back home, and also he felt a sense of decency that prevented him from continuing to look at that scene, even if it was exciting and beautiful. He went away silently, until he arrived home. But he was happy to know, to have discovered the secret of his two mates. And Ranuccio and Cesare, whom he already liked, became even more likeable to him, because now he felt them were closer, more similar to him.
Back home he saw that his father was already sleeping, so he didn't go to wash, afraid of waking him -- he would wash tomorrow morning. He silently went to his bedroom and there, lying in the darkness, thinking about his two friends and his Ruggiero, he slowly masturbated for a long time, before falling asleep.
On the day after, as soon as he saw Ruggiero, he watched his expression but he felt it was serene as usual. Notwithstanding that, as soon as they were alone, he apologized for the previous night.
Ruggiero smiled to him, "Those things happen. I'm sorry, of course. But it is not your fault, right? Let's hope to be more lucky next time."
"Maybe even tonight..." the boy ventured, full of hope.
"Not tonight, I have to go to don Calogero's for supper, and I have no idea when I will be able to leave," the young man said.
"I see," the boy said disappointedly.
"Come on, don't make that face! We will find another occasion, won't?" Ruggiero told him self-assuredly.
"I hope..."
"Sure, we will find it. We just have to be patient. Come on, give me a smile, Enzo," he said, and the boy smiled.
But several days passed without them being able to find a way to be together in intimacy. In those days, Enzo was observing Cesare and Ranuccio, and felt the desire to tell them that he knew, that he had their same secret too, but he didn't find the courage. Cesare, the one who was always talking about girls, was like if he was wearing a mask and Enzo didn't feel like to lift it, of course not in front of the others, but not even when they were alone.
He asked himself if his two friends loved each other like Ruggiero and he did, or if they simply liked to fuck together. He was curious to know how they became aware that they preferred doing it between them rather than with a girl, and which of them first had the courage to approach the other. It was not sheer and simple curiosity -- he felt that if he could talk with the two boys, he could understand himself and his relationship with Ruggiero better. But among his mates, they could talk freely about girls, and pussies, and cocks and fucking, about desiring or falling in love with a girl, but when a relationship between two males was hinted, it was only in terms of mockery and scorn, mainly towards the one who "takes it up his ass" or else in his mouth.
They would say he was a "half woman", but not meaning that he was also a "half man" that would have put him at a level half way between the superior man and the inferior woman, but that he was half woman and half... nothing -- a level even inferior to that of a female. In other terms, there was a clear order where first came the men, then the woman, then the faggots, near the animals... Rather, he thought, the list was more complex -- the men doing it with women, the men fucking another man in the ass, the women, the whores, the males taking it in their asses and mouths, then animals... And possibly it was even more complex, as Ruggiero told him that among his friends in Palermo there were also those going with both males and females, and also people who liked to fuck asses and to be fucked in the ass just the same...
And yet Enzo didn't feel he was at the end of the list at all, he didn't feel like a "half woman" at all. He was as much male as his mates, and also Ruggiero, and Cesare, and Ranuccio were this way. What did his mates have more than him? They all worked hard in the same way, had joys and pains in the same way, strengths and weaknesses in the same way...
And yet, if for instance they found out about Ruggiero, maybe he could not even continue to be a corporal, because he would be despised by everybody, starting from the farmhands to the masters. But what one does in his bed, what importance could it have in the value of a man? Who decided it was wrong to desire, love one of his own gender? Based on what?
Enzo was not able to get answers to these questions. At times, he talked about that with Ruggiero -- he said that it had not always been that way, and that in the past, famous kings and heroes and artists had loved people of their own gender, often without problems. It was the priests who said it was wrong, but everybody knows that they often preach one thing while doing the opposite. Priests said that sex is evil, a dirty thing, even between a man and a woman, that the original sin happened when Eve persuaded Adam to have sex with her, on the suggestion of the Devil, but then they blessed couples who united in marriage. And some of the priests even had women with whom they united secretly, and they could not even marry.
It was not that those thoughts occupied the boy's mind frequently -- Enzo was the simple type, he lived his own reality without excessive problems. He was that way, and was not glad and neither sorry for that. He didn't chose it, but neither tried to avoid it. It was simply a burden to him at times not being able to live his life without hiding, without fearing to be caught, as if Ruggiero and him were criminals. He was feeling the injustice of all those things but knowing he could do nothing to change things, he accepted it, and bore it with resignation.
He just thought that if people didn't see things that way, Ruggiero and him could possibly live their relationship without so many problems, they could make love every time they desired to, without hiding. And the same would be for Cesare and Ranuccio and who knows how many more.
One evening, Ranuccio announced that at last he had been hired to work in the Stella Hotel that had been opened in Aci Reale. He would live with other employees in a room in the hotel's basement and therefore he would come back to the village very rarely. Enzo thought that therefore it would become practically impossible for his friend and Cesare to continue to meet, to make love and he wondered how they could manage.
He observed Cesare's expression while Ranuccio was talking thrillingly to their mates about the news -- the other seemed quiet, and Enzo guessed that he was probably already informed. Ranuccio was saying that he would have nice uniforms, and his job was mainly to carry the guests' luggage, or to do heavy works. He would earn more than being a farmhand. Everybody was asking thousands of questions, just Enzo and Cesare were quietly listening, and Enzo observed Cesare's expression quietly, trying to detect some emotion.
At a certain point, their eyes met, and Cesare sketched a light, quiet smile towards Enzo, and he hinted that his friend must have guessed that he knew something. Enzo returned the smile and Cesare moved his eyes away .
Later, when Enzo was sure the others couldn't overhear them, he said to Cesare, "You'll feel lonely, now that your cousin is going away."
His friend looked at him for a moment, studied him, then answered, "Yes. But I'm glad for him."
"Because you love him," Enzo said, and asked himself if he had said too much.
"Sure," Cesare quietly answered, but he went closer to the other boys, almost trying to break that conversation that was becoming too intimate, and explicit.
CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 8
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