Introspection

Introspection 7

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This document contains homosexual themes and acts. If you are underage or don't like the subject, then don't read it.

The story is not autobiographical and is a product of the writer's fertile imagination.

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It was hard to believe that my planning had worked. I had started it but Andrew had finished it with the relationship that he had built with my mother. I would have to phone Dad to make certain that we heard it correctly. I didn't want to have to start from the beginning again if we had misunderstood. I would be subtle.

When Mom had phoned about Christmas, she had suggested to Andrew that we stay at their place, not at a hotel and not at Anne's. Apparently, she had pointedly said that there was a lovely bedroom big enough for two. Then we had to figure out the question of Christmas dates at Mom and Dad's and at the Taylor's. We decided on Mom and Dad's for Christmas Eve service and Christmas dinner and then drive to Andrew's place, for Boxing Day. We would stay for a couple of days and then return home for a New Years party at our home. We would reverse the order of visits for Christmas next year. For New Years, we had decided to open our place to friends and workmates who wanted to come.

We had a lot of work on our hands now. It was late November. We had shopping for Christmas. I had my new job at work. We had to prepare for a New Years Eve party, partially in advance. Then we had all the Christmas functions that we were starting to received invitations for. We looked at each other exhaled and then smiled. It was our first Christmas and it looked as if it would be one to remember. Little did I know how significant it would be.

First, travel. We had valid passports, good for the next couple of years. I was concerned about legal matters. What would happen if one of us were injured on the road? We travelled a lot now and then there were trips to France. It was a delicate issue with lots of ramifications. I sat down with Andrew one evening to talk about Powers of Attorney and wills. I outlined my concerns. I should have known that the smart ass had already thought about it.

His opening statement. "So let me get this correctly, you want the right the pull the plug on me if I am in an accident?"

I rolled my eyes and then looked at him very seriously. I rubbed my hands together and then gave him my most pleased look. "Yeah." Big smile.

"OK as long as I get the same privilege! Next issue. I suppose you want me to leave my millions just to you, now that you have that power."

"Yeah!"

We were both laughing by this time. We did discuss it in more detail. I was to contact a lawyer and set up a date for us to go in. He got a big kiss and something a little bigger, ah modesty, when we went to bed. Actually, I was spanked for rolling my eyes. He was right; it was not a punishment.

I contacted a local firm that specialized in these matters for the gay community and it had been suggested that I deal with James Steadman, one of the partners. It turned out that he broke my conceptions of a lawyer. He was in his mid 40s, good looking, fit and very approachable. When we went in, we actually enjoyed the meeting, given that it was a really a depressing topic. We did our wills separately although I did remind Andrew that I wanted the millions; that caused laughter from both Andrew and James. What he didn't know was that I would leave him the condo. Simple, it was our home. In fact, I had urged him to leave his money to Phil, keeping in mind that he could change his will later to set up trusts for any grandchildren. I was saving the same option in case Anne had children. It was only on leaving in casual conversation that we found out that James had a partner, Matt. James was someone that I would like to get to know. It had been an expensive but great visit to the office.

I started buying party supplies, especially wine and spirits over the next couple of week and we were soon more than well stocked for New Years, possibly for the entire next year. I had asked Mom for some help in a big task. I wanted to buy Andrew a ring for Christmas. I had some ideas in mind but I was not sure of the colour of the stone. I would have it sized approximately and let him choose the finger he would wear it on, if he wanted a ring. Mom and Dad came to town the first weekend in December to go to a concert and to go out shopping with me.

Mom was very good; she cornered Andrew on Friday night telling him that she was buying a ring for Dad. I heard parts of the conversation and she just happened to ask his personal preferences. Idle chit chat, you know. I was impressed with her skills. I would never have guessed that he liked jade or bloodstone, lovely green stones that are truly gorgeous. We went out shopping on the Saturday. Gold, bloodstone, not too big for his slender, elegant hands and fingers. We found one, elegant, understated and beautiful. Mom was like a little girl when we agreed on the same one. Mom had to do double duty that weekend as she and Andrew went out on Sunday for a quick shop before they left for home.

I had a lot of planning meetings as my team work started to work via emails and Skype with the group in France. It was a big engineering contract that involved us working out engineering parameters for their project. My guys were really good and I ended up administering and planning as well as overseeing the work and details of my group. It was gruelling but it felt great to be a focal point in a major project. We worked really well as a team and they were amongst the first to be invited to our New Years Eve celebration. We had decided that this would be a mixed party, gay, straight, couples, singles and we let everyone know that and that they did not have to attend if they had other commitments. Everyone had an out. In fact, we told people that they could drop in and leave. Andrew invited people at his work. Then we invited our whole gang. It was a big list. We counted on not everyone turning up.

Andrew's staff party was a fairly low key affair. Their senior staff was a little older and they didn't have the tradition of a big party with dancing and booze. We enjoyed it.

Then there was mine. A group of engineers with partner/owners in the firm who were still quite young and and there was a tradition of a big occasion to blow off steam and celebrate. Not quite Saturnalia but a good time.

We arrived and there was a fairly big crowd already there. I think that we were a pretty impressive couple. We had dressed carefully and well, causally elegant. Pricey too. I knew how much we had spent on the pants and shirts alone. We both had ties on with open neck shirts. We got looks from a lot of people as we entered the main dinning area. Was it our looks or two men obviously coming together? I didn't care. I saw people that I knew and I talked to everyone introducing Andrew. He was a really good mixer, with both sexes. Again, he used that talent, that you were the only one in the room, when he was talking to you. We finally made it to our table. Introductions were made. I looked around and saw Alexander Grey, the CEO, looking my way. I took Andrew over to him and introduced him.

I looked at him and said, "The first step taken. We'll see later how you react and feel."

"Paul, I am looking forward to it. You guys could be poster boys. You have added a lot of class to the group tonight."

"You flatter us sir. Just looking to have a good night out with friends and colleagues." He smiled and nodded. He introduced us to his wife, Barbara, and then the table. Andrew charmed his wife.

We had a great supper with some good wine. I began to realize that I had missed out on not forming closer bonds with some of these people. They were interesting and fun to be with. Dinner was cleared and the band set up. The first piece was slow. A couple of the guys at the table were not dancers so Andrew and I invited their partners to dance. It made a good start. The music turned fast. We took our dance partners back to the table, looked at each other, smiled and walked to the dance floor. Luckily there were lots of people on the floor and so we moved to the middle and started to dance. We got some looks. Hard to interpret what they meant. I saw Keith sitting with a bunch of people at another table. He was looking at us with envy; he didn't have a date. I guess the guy he had met hadn't worked out. We danced and had a good time.

Later in the evening as the party started to thin out. A slow dance started and I motioned to Andrew that I wanted to dance.

"You really want that?

"Yep. You OK with it?"

He held out his hand and I led that way. It was slow and dreamy and I could feel us sinking into each other just like Rob had done to Tony that night at their place. We had crossed a lot of bridges since then and we knew that were still a few to cross this Christmas. When we had finished the slow set, I happened to glance over at Mr. Grey's table. His wife gave me a big smile and she said something to her husband. His smile was huge and he gave me a thumbs up. I spread my hands and gave him a nod of happiness. I saw Andrew moving towards the bar to get us a couple of scotches to finish the evening.

My eyes focused on him, mostly on that beautiful ass. It brought back so many memories. I was lost in recollections when I realized that he was having an animated conversation with a big guy who I recognized from our computer support section. Chris? I focused more closely. There were words being exchanged and they didn't look pleasant. I stood up excusing myself from the table. I walked at a normal pace; when I suddenly saw the guy moving his arm, I sped up. As I reached them, I heard the words 'fucking queers think they have it made'.

Think straight. Diffuse the situation. You know that you can handle him but use diplomacy. Give him a chance to back away. "Hey Andrew seems as if you have made a new friend."

The computer guy, "Not bloody likely. Why do you guys have to come and ruin a good party?" OK good start, the arm was relaxing.

"Party seems to be going along nicely. I haven't noticed anyone not enjoying themselves."

"Watching you guys makes a lot of people sick."

"Their problem not mine." I suddenly realized that Jerry and several guys from my table had joined us.

Jerry, "Chris, buddy, I think that you have had a little too much to drink. Come on over and let's talk. Did you see the hockey game this week?" He and others put their arms around him in a friendly, good natured way and moved him away from the bar. As I had been taught, I was watching as much of his body as I could, checking his eyes, where they were focused and the tension in arms and hands.

I was certain that I saw the tension fading, almost as if he wanted a way out. To myself, expect a few parting comments now that he was safe. I smiled as I put my arm on Andrew's shoulder and start to pull him away, hearing Chris mutter almost sotte voce, "Fucking queers, think they run the world now."

To Andrew who was still in offence mode, "Come on big guy, don't want to spoil a great evening. My friends helped us, a real plus." I felt him relax into me at my words.

As we turned, "Mr. Watson is there a problem?" I think that I saw a look of respect and approval from my CEO.

"No Mr. Grey. Just having an animated discussion with Chris here. Right Chris?" By this time, he had seen the CEO and realized the trouble he could be in. I saw him relax, all the fight going out of his body.

"Yes sir." His voice was slurred and he gave me a look of disdain. I had seen that look before. My first meeting with Phil. This was a situation that I would have to deal with at work.

The crowd started to dissolve. Not deterred we went back for our final dances of the evening. It ended with a beautiful slow number that I have to say left me wanting more, lots more but that was for later. We said our goodbyes. Our condo was downtown and we had decided that it was still fairly warm and we would not take a car. As we started down the road, I grabbed Andrew's hand. "Quite a night. Can't tell you how much this meant to me to take you my staff party. You are the first that I have taken and I hope the only one." I gave him the first kiss. I had quite a few planned for the rest of the evening.

I wanted to show him how much he meant to me in a very physical way over the next couple of hours. It started when we entered our home.

"Sorry, I fell for his crap. I should know bett ..." I put first my fingers on his lips and then my mouth. I was determined that this would be a kiss that would make him forget the incident and tell him what I felt about him. Finally, as we kissed, our expensive clothes found themselves on the floor in the entrance way, in the hall to the bedroom and finally the pants found themselves on the floor beside the bed. Quite a journey. How is that each time can be so magical and different? It is definitely the situation and the mood. Tonight was sharing and loving. Didn't mean that it wasn't erotic as hell. Shit, yet again, I was so turned on that it hurt. How could this guy do this to me so often? Each time I found myself saying that this was best time ever. OK who was I to complain? Maybe it was?

At some point, we lay down facing each other still kissing but our hands were all over our bodies; I realized that Andrew was turning around and we were in a 69. I loved the feelings that he was giving me. Sucking, fondling, balls, thighs, head of my cock, fingers where they were giving me sparks of pleasure. But I realized that the thing that really turned me on was tasting him, hearing him moan or gasp in pleasure. It became my mission that night to hear him react louder and louder or to sound more and more out of control sending him into another place. I stopped at one point and told him not to wait for me that this was for him. I would catch up when I had to. I almost smiled when his passion filled voice moaned my name and I felt his cock expand and stop still in my mouth. I think I actually felt the contractions and I soon tasted him with shot after shot. I sucked him dry. Why is it so erotic to have someone finish in your mouth? Was it was the taste, the sensations, the knowing that it was you lover? My catch up was fast and almost excruciating.

As we settled in without cleaning ourselves. Andrew looked at me, "What are you smiling about?"

"You. I love to hear you moaning like a little girl."

As I hoped, he started to laugh and could not stop. He did manage to get out in a high pitched voice, "Oh, oh, Andrew, suck me. Suck me, harder, harder. Oh, ah." with lots of panting.

By that time we were both laughing. I put my arms around him. "So far it just gets better and better. Lover thanks." We kissed yet again. The taste was certainly part of it.

We continued showing each other how much we meant to each other the next day. Sunday was one of the best days ever. Right! We never left the condo and divided our time between the living room and the bedroom. Bedroom was really a figure of speech. We did everything in the living room. It was inventive and hot.

I thanked Jerry and the guys Monday morning. I had some some spare time late in the morning and I went looking for Chris. My position in the company was above his; I was an engineer now in charge of one of the bigger projects. He was technical support but he could screw you in so many small ways. I didn't want an enemy that I had to look out for. He was by himself in a computer room when I approached him. He tensed and looked very stony faced.

"It's OK Chris. I just want a little chat." He looked slightly relieved but said nothing. "Chris, I have been gay for as long as I can remember. Andrew and I are partners. Very close. I want to live a regular life, do things that you can do without a thought, so I don't hide myself at all. I didn't want it to be a surprise so I told Mr. Grey that I was taking Andrew to the dance and that we were going to dance together. He told me that he was looking forward to it. I can't change your reactions any more than you can change my orientation." I looked at him and started to smile. "I'm close to being a black belt in martial arts and I can look after myself but I didn't want to spoil my evening or yours. Chris I respect what you guys do in computer support. I know that you do a good job here. I saw how you handled the computer problems last month. Impressive. Can we leave this behind us?"

He looked at me and was clearly thinking through his response. "Paul, it is no excuse. I had too much to drink. I shouldn't have talked that way to your partner or to you. Jerry explained to me the trouble that you saved me. Mr. Grey would have been really pissed."

"He would have been pissed at me too if I had acted differently." I smiled. "Chris I'll just leave some thoughts with you. How would you feel if you were not allowed to dance with your date? How would you feel if people made comments about your sexuality? How would you feel if you couldn't be close to or take the person that you loved or enjoyed being with to bed without the world saying it was disgusting? No answers or anything else necessary." I held out my hand. He took it.

I didn't want him to apologize. I didn't want to humble him. I didn't want him as a friend. A respected, working colleague, yes. I ran into Mr. Grey as I was leaving for the day. He looked at me with respect, I think. "Word has it that you dealt with the situation this morning and everything is smooth." He used his hand to show smooth.

"You have a good intelligence network." He smiled nodding. "I would like to think that things are 'smooth'. Time will tell." He smiled again at my emphasis on the word 'smooth' with hand gestures. He nodded his head still smiling and we parted.

Two days later, we found a telephone message from James Steadman inviting us to a Christmas get together. He explained that it would be at his father's home and said that details would be sent by email. Luckily, it was on an evening on a night that we were free. We accepted. Why not? He was an interesting man.

We arrived at the address given. It was strange, invited to a party by our lawyer being held at his father's house. Well, we would find out. Matt, James' partner, answered the door. He was like James 40s, fit, attractive but even more outgoing.

"Come on in. I'll get James and he can do some basic introductions. Then you are on your own. It is a big mixed bag as you will soon find out. He spotted James, "James, some guests who need introductions."

James came over smiling being his polished best. We chatted as he got us our first drinks.

"You probably wondered about an invitation to a party at my father's house. Well, it is sort of a focal point and we do this every year at this time. Come on over here. Pops, I want you to meet two clients that I have just come into the firm. Paul this is your name sake Paul, Paul Steadman.

We introduced ourselves and were chatting when suddenly a young man in his 20s rushed over. "Grandpops, we are out of red wine. Do you want me to go down to the cellar to get some more? I know the vintage ones." He looked at us with a devilish smile, "I'll bring up the cheapos for the guests." Paul reached up and gave him a gentle slap on the side of the head.

"Don't give away the secrets to the guests. Jason, this is Paul and Andrew. This is my rambunctious grandson. Thanks, bring up some Bergerac. It is quite nice. Bring me a glass?"

"Yes master. Hey Carol come on down to the wine cellar with me to get some wine." He said it with a voice laden with sexual suggestion. A pretty young lady came our way.

"Yeah, in your dreams." They smiled at each other, held hands and left.

"Young love." As we were talking, a very good looking man about the age of Paul Steadman came over. "You are getting to know the core group here. This is John, my partner. I don't know how he handles us all." We talked about our jobs. It turned out that Paul had sold a business for a lot of money and retired and John was an ex partner in James' law firm.

As parties often go, they were called away and we started to go for some food and more wine. It struck me as we went. Hold it. Paul, partner John, grandson Jason, son James with partner Matt. It wasn't fitting into a pattern I could organize. As we were getting some food, we saw Jason come up with a couple of bottles of Bergerac. He talked to a man in his forties, "Dad, Grandpops said OK to the Bergerac; I have some. Tell Mum that the red is back out; she was looking for some for some of her friends." The man said that he would and used the word son. Paul gave up trying to figure it out.

Andrew had started to talk with someone over the food and they were laughing and chatting. It gave me a chance to look around. There was fun and light hearted conversations going on all over. The party had a really good feeling to it. It was mixture of family and friends. Obviously, a mix of gay and hetero. I was bumped into by a guy who apologized and we started to talk. What an interesting guy. His name was Stephen Bourgeois, a University professor of Economics. He was funny and interesting. He introduced me to the guy that Andrew had been taking to, his partner, Michael Burtchell. I would never remember all the names. As in a party, we enjoyed our time together with Stephen and Michael but moved off for food and drinks. I looked over to see Andrew in a spirited conversation with the man that Jason had called Dad. I shook my head.

At that precise moment James came beside me. "You look bemused."

"Have to be honest; I cannot connect the dots of the relationships of the people here."

James started to laugh. "You are not the first with that problem. You should have seen the minister at the funeral of Paul's father in Toronto. We have one place in the house that never changes. Come on over and I can show you."

He led me to the fireplace. On the mantle were four pictures. He led me to the one on the left. There was a picture of a man and women, obviously young. "Brian and Margie married for 20 years and she died of cancer in her early 40s. A very happy marriage."

We moved over to the next picture to the right. It showed a picture of Brian, a young Paul Steadman, a young man, had to be Robbie and a girl. Had I seen her here tonight? I thought that I had. "Brian and Paul met after Margies death. Married for over 20 years. Paul adopted Robbie and Susan, the children of Brian and Margie. Now Brian was Dad and Paul became Pops, courtesy of Robbie. Another very happy marriage. A model for all of us to emulate."

We moved to the third picture. "The additions. Paul was my Uncle. After my mother, father and for a long time my grandparents disowned me for the sin of admitting that I was gay, Paul and Brian took me in, gave me a first class law degree and eventually Paul adopted me. I still regard Brian as my Dad too." The tears were not far away. I let him compose himself. "Sorry. You know Matt. The one in the red shirt is Kevin and the other is his partner, Dave. Kevin was a friend of Robbies who Brian and then Paul helped in his business. They just became part of the family. You have met Jason and his sister is not here tonight."

They moved to the last picture. It had obviously had only been taken only a few years ago. "Brian was an amazing person. He knew that he was dying of cancer and took each one of us aside and told us that he had told Paul to move on with his new life with no ghosts from their past and we were to support him. Paul was devastated when Brian died. It had been a close, loving marriage filled with joy. Paul put on a good front for all of us but we knew. John was Paul and Brian's lawyer and he came into Paul's life and slowly they grew together. John is my ex boss and I now consider him my third father. I never count my biological one. I took over his partnership in the firm. I have this wonderful family that has grown around us. See the connecting dots now?"

What an amazing story and we had been invited to this party. I felt so honoured to have been asked. I ended up meeting most of the family and some of the friends. It was of the most exhilarating evenings in years. I realized that there were lessons to be learned. It was going to take some reflection and talk with Andrew. The party was winding down and we finally left with promises that we would be in contact after New Years.

Andrew was still talking about some of the people that he had met especially Michael Burtchell and Stephen Bourgeois. I told him the story of the family. Andrew shook his head in disbelief. "So you feel that is a model to be emulated? You know years and years together, gathering a bunch around you?" He looked as if he couldn't fathom it.

What was smart ass leading up to? I could guess so I decided to beat him to it. "Well, you would have to meet the right person. What are the chances? You know ... then years and years with the same person?" I shrugged my shoulders as if I could really grasp the concept.

"Well, there is always a small chance, I guess." He shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes.

We were at the car by this point. I grabbed him, pulled him to me. I grabbed his ass. "Oh that is going to be so sore later tonight."

"We could work on it."

"What your ass?"

Chuckling, "No dumb ass! But you can start there. It could take years and years to get it right."

For once I never did carry through on that threat but I did fondle it a lot, especially as he climaxed in me for the second time early that morning.

We said good bye to Rob and Tony on the evening before we left for Mom and Dad's. We had them over for food and wine. We had a great night playing cards and laughing and remembering the year with them.

We arrived at Mom and Dad's early on Christmas Eve day and indeed, there was a bedroom prepared for the two of us with a lovely lunch and small supper. It was wonderful to have that part of my dream come true.

We went to church on Christmas Eve as a family. All of us together. Mom, Dad, Anne, Jason, Andrew and I. I didn't care how bad the homily was or even greeting Father Sebastien. I had waited for this moment for over a decade and worked for it for months. I looked at Mom as we entered the church and mouthed thank you. She gave me the most wonderful smile. The service with candles was quite touching. We stood in line waiting to greet Father Sebastien. When it came my turn, I shook hands and turned and brought Andrew close. "Father, my partner, Andrew." He had the good grace to smile slightly and shake hands. I think that he said that it was good to meet him.

We returned home to eat and drink. Then, as it was a tradition at our house, we each picked out a present that we wanted to give to each person in the room. It finally came my turn to give one to Andrew. It was a fairly big box. He started to unwrap it to find another box and then another until he reached the final box. He made comments about the present getting smaller and probably cheaper in Andrew's wonderful style. I could see Mom almost holding her breath when he opened it. I had shined the gold that morning and now it sparkled in the lights. Andrew stopped absolutely still. He took it out and just stared at it. It almost glowed. I watched his face and I could see the wetness forming in his eyes. He looked at me questioningly.

"You wear it on the finger you want."

He didn't say a thing. He went to the tree and picked up a medium sized box and gave to me. Box in a box until there was just a small one. Mom had almost the same expression on her face as when Andrew opened his ring. I should have guessed. While looking at him, I opened it. Nestled in the velvet was a beautiful gold ring with a beautiful stone of lapus lazuli, my favourite stone. The room was absolutely quiet.

I finally found my voice. "Would you excuse us for a moment?" I steered him to the kitchen. Still no words. I kissed him with tears forming in my eyes. "Which finger?"

"I know the one I want. Can I really choose?"

"Just for yourself."

"Let's close our eyes and do what we want?"

We closed them and I guess simultaneously put our ring on the ring finger of our left hand. Both fitted. Had we both sized it for that finger or it was just luck? Didn't matter.

We walked back into the living room where there was hushed conversation. "Sorry, we just had to make a little decision." We held out our hands to the ohs and ahs of the family. We took some shots especially from Jason and Anne. I looked at Anne and wondered if I saw a little look of envy. We finally finished the presents and decided to turn in. We had promised to make breakfast and had brought all the fixings with us.

We reached the bedroom. I stopped Andrew from turning on the lights and made my way to the small lamp on bedside table and turned it on. Ah, much better ambiance. We had surprised each other. I took his hand and examined the ring.

"An elegant ring for elegant fingers and extraordinary man."

He took my hand. "A deep rich stone for my deep, thoughtful lover."

This was a Christmas that I would never forget no matter what would happen in our lives. We were in my mother's home together. We had been to parties together as a couple. We had signed legal documents that had bound us to each other. My mother had helped us each choose a ring for the other and we had both placed it on the same finger.

We kissed and made love because we knew that is what it meant to both of us. It was a night filled with passion and love, soft and gentle but at the same time electrifying in its intensity. I woke the next morning to find Andrew on his side looking at me. I knew from the intensity of the look that we were not finished with our celebration of each other. When we finished, we went hand in hand to the kitchen to start making breakfast for my family. There were touches and kisses as we started coffee and put out the food for preparation until we heard the first footsteps down the hall.

Before the arrival, I turned Andrew to me, whispering, "Thank you love. The most wonderful Christmas ever." He got a peck on the lips which finished just before my mother came into the room.

Author's Note

There is another chapter being written. I hope to publish next Thursday or Friday.

Let me know your thoughts on this chapter preecherdave@gmail.com

If you liked this story, you might want to read the others that I have published on Nifty. In particular, Unexpected Change which has had the most positive comments and one of my favourites, Getting My Act Together.

Unexpected Change, Nifty, College, April 16, 2011 Friendship, Nifty, Adult Friends, May 20, 2011 Surprising Last Year at University, Nifty, College, June 9, 2011 Murder Changed My Life, Nifty, Beginnings, July 8, 2011 What is Love?, Nifty, Beginnings, August 31, 2011 Getting My Act Together, Nifty, Adult-Friends, November 10, 2011 Surprised, Nifty, Adult-Friends, January 14, 2012 Surprised Eric and Dave, Beginnings, February 10, 2012 Surprised Graham and Robert, Nifty, Adult-Friends, March 22, 2012 What a Difference a Year Makes, Nifty, Adult-Friends, September 13, 2012 Discoveries, Nifty, Beginnings, November 1, 2012 Introspection, Nifty, May, 2013