Into His Own

By Patrick Rupert

Published on Apr 17, 2005

Gay

"Where am I? Where the fuck am I? Let me go! I didn't do anything! Why are you keeping me here? I can't see! I can't see!"

Jason couldn't see what was going on. Everything was black, but he knew his eyes were open. He could hear himself talking, but it didn't sound like him.

"Jason relax, just relax."

Jason could feel hands all over him holding him down. Voices were all around him and trying to make him calm down. He didn't know the voices, but they all seemed to know him.

"Stop it! Stop it!" Jason suddenly felt really calm and his whole body was tingling. He relaxed, but didn't fall asleep. He could still hear the voices.

"Call the doctor. Why can't I see?" It was a women's voice that answered him.

"Jason just relax, the doctor will explain everything after they call your parents."

"Doctor? Jason Bell has woken up. Yes, yes doctor." Jason heard a phone hang up and there were a lot of footsteps moving around.

Jason must have sat there for about twenty minutes with the nurse holding his hand and talking about how he felt. At one point when Jason asked her what had happened, she had started to cry. He was confused, and didn't know what was going on, when suddenly he heard a voice he recognized in the hallway.

"Mom?" Jason sat up in bed and tried to look around.

"Jason? Oh my god, he's awake! My son's awake." A man's voice was speaking, and Jason would have rather spoken to his mother.

"Jason is very confused right now Mrs. Bell. His eyesight hasn't come back to him yet, and he doesn't know what's going on."

"Oh my god, he can't see?"

"No not yet."

"Let me go in and explain to him."

"You can come in but you have to stay calm; it's better that way for Jason."

"Ok." Jason heard the footsteps come in, and he could tell there was one person on each side of him.

"Jason can you hear me?" His mother grabbed his hand and squeezed.

"Mom!" Jason leaned up and reached out for his mother, searching for her with his hands. His right hand found his mother's neck and he pulled himself in and wrapped his arms around his mother. "Mom, I'm scared!"

"I know Jason, I know. Jason this is Dr. Wilkins; he wants to talk to you for a couple of minutes." A hand on the other side of the bed wrapped around his right upper arm and pulled him down to the bed.

"Jason I need you to listen to me very closely. Do you remember that day in your closet?" He couldn't see, but he still put his head down in shame.

"Yes."

"So you remember what happened?"

"Yes."

"Jason I want you to listen to me carefully. The date is May, twenty third, two thousand four. You've been in a coma for a little over fifteen months. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?"

"No! No that's not possible! There's no way!" Jason's mother gripped Jason's arm harder."

"It's true Jason."

"No!" Jason pushed his legs over the side of the bed and got off. His legs felt like Jell-O and he could barely walk. The doctor put both his hands on Jason's upper arms and got his face close.

"Jason it's true ok? It's true, whether you want to believe it or not." Jason pushed the doctor and heard him fall over. Jason moved as fast as he could. He had his hands out in front of him feeling for where he heard the people come into the room. He felt the door and stepped out into the hallway. He had his arms out and was trying to get away. He didn't know where he was going or where he wanted to go but he had to get out of there. He hadn't gone more than five feet, when he heard people running towards him. Jason's mother's voice rang through Jason's ears.

"No don't! Just give him some time and room." Jason felt people tackle him to the ground and pull up the back of his hospital gown. Jason didn't know what they were doing and he didn't like it. There must have been five of them. He started punching and kicking. His left elbow connected with someone and he heard them scream.

"Jason, calm down! They're here to help!"

Jason kept hitting and yelling. Suddenly he felt a lot more hands on him and they turned him over. Jason was screaming but there was so many of them. Jason felt a prick in his right butt cheek and then stinging. They had stuck Jason with a needle filled with something made to put him to sleep. Jason had that old familiar feeling come over him and Jason passed out and all went dark again.

Jason knew he wasn't awake but he could hear the voices in his sleep.

"We didn't have a choice. Sometimes when people come out of comas they can sometimes hurt themselves from the shock. Not all of the time, just sometimes. What we did was for his own good."

"Yea I know; it just scared me."

"Mrs. Bell, you think that scared you? Well with all of the changes that have been going on in Jason's world, he's going to be as scared as he's ever been. This is going to be a hard time for him, what with his father, the marriage, the changes with his body and seeing all of his friends again, this is going to be very hard on him. At first he won't understand."

Jason was awake now and he opened his eyes.

"Oh god! Turn out the lights!"

"He's awake and he has his eyesight back. Nurse, dim the lights."

Jason was rubbing his hands in his eyes and groaning. His eyes were open a little and the faintest light was coming through but it felt like the sun. His eyes focused and he opened them the rest of the way. He looked around at his surroundings. There was a man on the right side of him. He had brown hair; brown eyes, fair skin and he must have been in his fifties.

The more Jason looked at him the more he thought the man looked like George Clooney. The man was giving Jason an awkward smile and had his hands in his own lap. He looked to his left and saw his mother. She was just as she always was except for a few changes. Her hair wasn't blond anymore; it was brown and she had lost weight, considerable weight.

"Mom?"

"Yea Jason it's me."

"You're thinner, and your hair...?"

"Yea Jason I know."

"Where am I mom?"

"You're in an institute for coma patients."

"How long exactly, have I been here?"

"Fifteen months. Jason your eyes are going to hurt for a couple of days. You haven't used them in over a year."

"Mom, I, I want to go home."

"I know you do Jason, and we will soon."

"Jason before we let you leave, you have to put in four hours on a treadmill for your legs; every patient has to go through that, after coming out of a coma. If you're still not convinced, we have a copy of today's newspaper you can look at if you like?"

"No doctor, I believe you."

"Jason we also have this tape. If you want to watch it, the tape is started when the person goes into the coma, and stopped the day they come out. It's just all of the recent events that took place during the coma."

"Doctor can I have some time alone with my mother please?"

"Yes of course." The doctor got up and walked out of the room.

"Mom, has it really been that long since that day in my...since that day?"

"Yea Jason it has."

"Where's dad?"

"He wanted to be here Jason, but he had to be at the hospital. You might not believe this but Breana, Paul's wife, had a baby about ten minutes before you woke up."

"Oh yea? What was it?"

"It was a boy."

"So I'm an uncle?"

"Yea Jason."

"Well what did they name him?"

"They named him Jason." Jason looked down and started to cry.

"Mom what happened to me?"

"Jason what ever happened in your room over a year ago, caused you to go into a coma. We've been by your side every second; we came to see you almost every day. Jason, what happened that day in your closet?" Jason put his head down.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Jason, eventually were going to have to know what happened. I know to you this feels like it happened just yesterday, but we've gone a whole year without knowing." He looked up at his mother.

"Wait, they didn't catch him?"

"Who, Jason who?"

"I...I don't want to talk about it."

"Ok Jason, but eventually you'll have to talk about it."

"I know mom. Mom, when can I get started on the treadmill?"

"I don't really know. I'll go and talk to the doctor and I'll be back in like, five minutes, ok honey?"

"Yea mom, ok." Jason's mother got up and walked out of the room to go find the doctor.

Jason sat up in bed and threw his legs over the side of the bed. He stood up and had to grab onto the bed to keep from falling over. He braced himself and started walking around the bed, reaching the other side of the bed to the point where he couldn't walk any more, then turned around and make his way back to the other side. Jason really wanted to get in his four hours so he could go home, and be done with all of this. He had walked from one side of the bed to the other about seven times, when his mother and the doctor walked in the room.

"Hey he's almost walking normal." Jason sat down on the bed and was breathing heavily.

"So doctor, when can I start on the treadmill?"

"Let's get some solid food in you and then you can get started." A nurse brought in a tray of food and pushed it in front of Jason. Jason dug in he hadn't had solid food in over a year. The doctor told Jason that on the day when a patient woke up the cook made them whatever they wanted to eat. Jason had ordered Mexican Salad.

"It's a dish that has kidney beans, tortilla chips, cheese, lettuce, and salad dressing. It's all mixed together and it's really good."

Jason ate it like he hadn't ever eaten before. It was delicious. Jason finished eating and his mother tried to help him down to the room with the treadmills. It took Jason over twenty minutes to walk down the hall and around the corner, but he made it. He got to the room and immediately walked over to the nearest treadmill and turned it onto the lowest speed.

It caught Jason by surprise and he tripped and fell. He landed on his right side and bounced off the treadmill onto the floor. His mother came running over to help him and Jason started to push himself up. He knew that he had to do this on his own to be released, so his mother couldn't help him. Jason's mother bent over to pick him up and he shouted at her.

"No! Don't touch me!"

"Jason let me just help you..."

"No don't fucking touch me!" Jason got up and got back on the treadmill. He held onto the handrail and started walking. His mother turned and walked out of the room. In about twenty minutes he was starting to walk normally, and he knew that his legs just had to remember walking and he could get it down.

Jason had been on the treadmill for three hours and he was exhausted. Sweat was running down his chest and back. He was panting but he only had one more hour to go. The doctor came in and walked over to Jason.

"Jason as a doctor, I need to recommend you take a twenty-minute break."

"No I'm fine just give me one more hour, then I can go home."

"Jason please this isn't healthy."

"I don't care. Give me one more hour; I'm almost done." The doctor turned around and started walking away. He got to the door and put his hand on the frame. The doctor almost turned around but then walked out of the room.

Jason sped up the treadmill and started walking faster as he thought about what had happened to him. He had to get even; he had to get revenge. The people who did this to him had to get what they deserved. He sped the treadmill up to a run and started jogging quickly. He ran at nearly full speed for almost forty-five minutes, and then turned off the treadmill.

Jason collapsed on the couch, and just lay there panting. He laid there for five minutes and the doctor walked in followed by a nurse pushing a wheel chair. Jason saw them come in and he shut his eyes.

"Jason are you awake?"

"Yes."

"Are you ready to go home?"

"Yea." Jason sat up first then stood up.

"Do you want to use the wheel chair Jason?"

"No I can walk." Jason stood up and walked past the doctor to the door. He walked out the door and he could hear the doctor following right behind him. His chest hurt, he felt like he was about to die.

"Take your next left, Jason; you'll see the desk at the end of the hallway." Jason rounded the corner and could see his mother standing next to the desk at the end of the hall. He walked up to her and she put out her arms for a hug. He walked past her stopping right behind her.

"Can we go now?" Jason's mother almost turned around but stopped.

"Yea Jason, let's go home." Jason sat down and his mother finished filling out the rest of the paper work. The doctor came and sat down next to him.

"Jason, I have already spoken with your mother about this, and I need to see you here once a month every month, for six months. I'm also giving you a number for a therapist that I want you to see once every two weeks, also for six months." Jason took the paper from the doctor and crumpled it into his pocket.

"Can we go mom?"

"Yea we can go." Jason's mother started walking away, and Jason followed. Jason didn't want to hurt his mom even with all of the stuff going on. Jason walked up beside his mother and put his left arm around her.

"I love you mom."

"I love you too Jason." Jason and his mother walked out to their car, but he couldn't see it in the direction they were walking.

"This is it Jason." They were standing beside a red Ford Explorer with big off road tires and silver rims.

"Well where's the Buick?"

"I traded it in for this, what do you think?"

"I like it." They climbed in and Jason's mother started the engine. It revved loudly and his mother started to drive away.

He sat there in the seat feeling very uncomfortable; he must have grown six inches over the year and his voice was deeper. Every time Jason spoke he could hear the voice but it wasn't his voice it was a stranger, he was a stranger. His legs felt funny and every time he breathed his chest felt constricted.

"Mom my chest feels funny."

"Jason, on that day a year ago, you had a lot of bones broken, and because of the coma, they couldn't operate on your chest as quickly as they wanted to, and it'll feel tight for a few weeks but they said it should loosen up a bit."

Jason put both of his hands palm down on his ribs and pushed in. It didn't hurt but he felt the pressure ease off and he could breath a little easier. Jason let go and looked up. He knew where they were going but it was in the wrong direction of home.

"Where are we going?" Jason's mother let out a sigh and she looked over at him.

"Jason, a lot has happened in the past year. About eight months after you were put in the hospital, we sold the house and moved."

"What?"

"Jason we moved."

"But we live there; that's our house." Jason was confused.

"We're in a different house now, a better bigger house."

"But mom we..."

"Jason we moved; we can't change that!" Jason knew they couldn't change it but that was his house he lived there most of his life. He wanted to go home but not to some house that wasn't his. He let out a sigh and just sat there dreading the next few minutes, when he was going to pull into his new driveway, and have to go to his new room.

Jason sat there with his head down contemplating everything that had happened to him. He was wondering how Jeremy and Brad would take it that he was awake. Jason really didn't want to see anyone for a while, but he also couldn't exactly avoid civilization for the rest of his life, even though he wanted to. They rounded a corner and Jason's mother reached over and grabbed his arm and squeezed.

"That's it Jason, that one there at the end of the street."

Jason looked up it was a huge house. It must have been three floors and it must have sat on an acre of land covered in trees. It was white with red rose bushes surrounding the entire house. It was one of those houses that you would only see in magazines that you didn't really think existed. There were two vehicles in the driveway; a white dodge truck a blue mini van. And there was a black Lexus parked in the street in front of the house.

"Whose cars are those mom?"

"The Lexus is Nicole's, the mini van is Paul's, and the truck is your father's."

"Mom, did we come into some money?"

"Um, yea Jason, we did."

"How much exactly?"

"Well, I wanted to wait to tell you this, but your father sold his company to Dell."

"Really? How much did he get?"

"Five hundred and fifty thousand dollars."

"No way!"

"Yea, can you believe it? A representative from Dell showed up at your fathers company about two months after you went in, and offered to buy them out."

"Five hundred and fifty thousand?"

"Jason, you have to act surprised, because your father wanted to tell you."

"Ok." They pulled in next to the Lexus, and they both got out to go inside. They got to the front door; Jason's mother grabbed the handle and looked at Jason.

"You ready Jason?"

"Yea." Jason didn't really know if he was ready to face what he was about to face but better sooner than later. Jason's mother opened the door and they both stepped into a huge living room. It had white carpet; the walls were white, and the ceiling had dome lights all over it. All of the furniture he knew was there, and some new stuff. He could see into part of the kitchen. It was white like the rest of the house, and there was a little bit of light coming through. He started walking around the house looking at everything, inspecting his new home.

Jason walked into the kitchen and there was a burst of noise. SURPRISE! Nicole and Paul were there, and Breana was sitting in a chair holding his new nephew. Jason's father, Henry, was there holding a huge cake all lit up on top by candles and welcome home was spelled in chocolate frosting. All of them walked over to him. They were patting Jason on the back and telling him how good it was to see him. But he couldn't really say it was good to see them because to him the fight they had had just happened yesterday to him, not a year ago.

Jason really wanted to see his nephew. He walked over and Breana was just sitting there smiling at him, rocking little Jason slowly. Jason, meet your nephew, Jason. He was staring at little Jason; who was just lying there, his eyes closed and his hand in his mouth. Jason hadn't ever seen a baby that young that was already sucking his thumb.

"Do you want to hold him?" Jason put out his arms, and Breana laid little Jason in Jason's arms. Jason was careful to support little Jason's head. He was beautiful, so small and fragile Jason knew he could be hurt easily. His life was so small and fragile he had just come into this world and he was probably just as confused as Jason. Tears swelled up in Jason's eyes and dripped down Jason's cheeks. Jason looked up at his mother.

"It's not fair mom, it's not fair."

"I know Jason; do you want to see your room?"

"Yea." Jason gave back little Jason and followed his mother into the living room.

There was a staircase going up and they both started up it. They got to the top and Jason's mother opened the door. There was a small hallway maybe fifteen feet and a window at the end. The attic entrance was on the roof from the look of it; it was stairs that pulled down. It was an odd setup there was a door on the left and a door on the right. The hallway was painted white and well lit. It had plush carpet. Jason's mother went to the door on the left and pushed it open.

"This is your bathroom." It had white walls, white tile, and a very large tub. The tub was clearly big enough for three or four, and had jets like his old one. There was a small sink, a stand up shower and some storage space. Jason's mother opened the other door, which was Jason's room.

"Here's your room." It was huge, almost twice as big as his other room. All of his old things were there; most of them still in boxes. It had a walk in closet like his other room.

"I will leave you here for a while; go ahead and rest, or unpack, or do whatever you want. Dinner will be ready in about an hour and there's cake downstairs if you want it. Jason we have a lot of things to talk about. Ok?"

"Ok mom." Jason's mother kissed Jason on the forehead, gave him a hug, and went back downstairs.

He walked into his room and sat on his bed. It felt like a dream to Jason; something that couldn't possibly be happening or real. An hour ago, he didn't want to see anybody, but now Jason was thinking that he really wanted to see Jeremy right now. He didn't want to go through this alone. Jason was sure his cell phone had been turned off. He'd had another phone once; a cordless that plugged into the wall. Jason got up and started going through his boxes. It must have been the forth box he was going through and he found it he pulled it out and plugged it in next to his bed. Jason turned it on and heard the dial tone. He dialed slowly. 5...4...4...8...8...5...0. The phone started to ring. It rang four times and a voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Is Jeremy there?"

"Jason?"

"Yea it's me."

"Brad, it's Jason!" Jason heard a voice in the background.

"Jeremy that's not funny?"

"No I'm serious it's him. Jason this is Jeremy when did you get home?"

"I've been home about thirty minutes."

"Oh yea? What do you think of the place?"

"It's ok I guess."

"Jason, Brad and me want to come and see ya if we can?"

"Well, not today. I have some things I need to get done, but you can come over tomorrow."

"Well then, we'll come and see ya about noon tomorrow."

"Ok Jeremy, see ya then."

"Jason, wait. Have you seen it yet?"

"Seen what?"

"Go look in the garage."

"What do you mean, 'go look in the garage'?"

"Just do it Jason."

"Ok I will."

"Bye Jason, see ya tomorrow."

"Ok bye." Jason got up and started walking downstairs. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and was listening to the people talking.

"Why isn't he down stairs with us?"

"We just need to give him some time Paul; this is a very confusing time for Jason."

Everybody was silent for a minute and Jason heard his father talking.

"I'm just glad to have him home."

"Me too dear, me too." Jason walked into the living room and stood next to the couch.

"Mom?" They didn't know he was there so they all kind of jumped and turned.

"Yea Jason?"

"I just got off the phone with Jeremy, and he told me to go look in the garage. What's in the garage?" Every body sitting in the living room got these big grins on their faces.

"You haven't told him yet mom?"

"I completely spaced it out Paul." His mother and father stood up and started walking to the garage, Jason following his mother, and his father behind him. His mother opened the garage door and stepped in. They were all standing in the garage, but they couldn't see anything, because it was completely dark. Jason could tell there was something there but he couldn't make out what it was. It was defiantly filling the whole garage but it was just too dark.

Jason's father turned on the light and Jason saw it. It was a black ford F3 fifty duel shocks extended cab long bed. Jason just stood there staring at it.

"Jason we got it for you on your sixteenth birthday."

"No way!" Jason's dad walked over and put his hand on Jason's shoulder.

"Yea way Jason, it's yours."

"Can I drive it?"

"Well not yet; we're going to go next week and get your license." Jason had driven many times he knew all of the rules and he had been driving for years. He was actually going to take his driving test in like two weeks, then all of this happened.

"Well can I sit in it?"

"Yea go ahead." Jason opened the door and climbed in. The seats were black and were comfortable. There was a CD player, ac, power windows and seats. He sat there and gripped the steering wheel. The key was already in the ignition so Jason turned it starting the truck. It revved loudly and he just loved it. He jacked up the stereo on his favorite station and some Eminem came on he hadn't heard this before but he knew it was him.

Paul came out the door and ran up to the truck. "Jason is sleeping."

"Oh sorry." He turned off the truck and it went quiet again. Paul walked up and put one hand on the truck.

"Jason. This baby will do zero to sixty in just less than four seconds. It's got a hemi and duel exhaust."

"Pretty sweet huh Paul?"

"Yea."

"Hey, maybe if mom and dad will let us, we will take it out tonight. Jason got all excited and stuck his head out the window.

"Can we mom, please?"

"Yea if it's ok with your father."

"Yea sure as long as Paul drives."

"Yes!" Jason knew that Paul would let him drive they just had to get out there first. Jason stayed in his truck for about twenty minutes fiddling with everything. He loved his truck, but dinner was ready. They all went inside but Jason didn't see any sign of any dinner being made.

"What are we having mom?"

"Oh, I should have told you, we ordered pizza."

"Fife hundred fifty thousand dollars, and we order pizza?"

"Molly I can't believe you told him."

"He was asking a lot of questions."

He was about to say something else but the doorbell rang. Paul went to the door paid for the pizza and brought it in. They all ate talking about the year's events and catching up Jason on the world. Paul was sitting next to him, and Breana and he put his hand on his shoulder.

"So Jason, what was it like?"

"What do you mean?"

"The coma. What was it like? Did you dream?" Jason didn't dream, but he didn't want to talk about it. His mother set down her glass and stared at Paul.

"Paul, let him eat!"

"Mom I was just asking!"

"Well Jason has already made it very clear he doesn't want to talk about it yet."

"Mom I was just asking, and Jason can speak for himself. So come on Jason what was it like?" Jason's father shouted across the table at Paul.

"Paul! Knock it off! Jason set down his food and looked at his father.

"No dad it's ok. Paul? You want to know what it was like? Imagine this. You've just taken a shower and gotten out; you're getting dressed and somebody walks into your closet with you. You try to run, but they catch you and beat you. They beat you, and handcuff you to your own clothes rack. Then right as they're about to leave, they pick up your baseball bat, and start beating the shit out of you. They break your ribs and both your legs. You're still awake, and there's nothing you can do because you're still handcuffed. With every blow of the bat, a bone breaks and the most intense pain you've ever felt rushes through your body. Then you black out. Then you wake up over a year later and you don't live in the house you lived in for fourteen years; your brother is married and has a son, and your dad sold his company and you have money never even thought of before. Imagine that Paul."

Jason stood up and walked out of the room. Jason could hear the voices talking downstairs.

"Dad I never meant to..."

"Stop it Paul, just stop!" Jason climbed the stairs to his room and sat on the bed and laid back. He laid there for about twenty seconds, and his door opened. His mother walked in and sat on the bed next to him.

"You know Jason, Paul didn't mean anything by..."

"I know mom, but you don't get it, and I don't mean to go off on the family like that; it's just...yesterday I lived in the other house and my brother wasn't married. This isn't my life."

"Jason I know how hard this is for you."

"No you don't, nobody does."

"I know Jason, but if we stick together we can get through it."

"Yea mom, I know it's just this isn't my life; it's borrowed."

"Jason do you want to see any of your friends?"

"No mom not today, but maybe tomorrow."

"Ok, well we will be downstairs if you need anything." Jason's mother walked out and he could hear her talking in the hallway.

"Yea mom I know; I just want to talk to him."

"Ok." Paul walked in the room and closed the door behind him. Paul stood at the door.

"Ya know Jason, we didn't know what happened to you; we've all sat around for a year just wondering. I mean you can imagine how that looked. Mom and dad finding you like that in women's underwear, with all of that stuff in your trunk. We only had theories and ideas. I don't know how this must be for you, but I can understand we can all loose are heads some times." "A few months ago we were all at the hospital celebrating your birthday. Mom had a cake, some presents, and cards from grandma and grandpa. I had given up that you might wake up and had grown to think that you never would. I got mad and went off on mom and dad saying that you weren't going to wake up, and that they were all dreaming. I stormed out, but before I did, I had said some things I ended up regretting. We all get hot we were all worried about you. None of us knew how to deal with it, and now that you're awake we still don't know how to deal with it."

Jason just sat there looking at his brother his face expressionless.

"Jason, I still want to take you driving tonight if you want to go. And between you and me, as soon as we get out there, you're going to drive and were going mudding."

"Yea Paul I still want to go." Jason stood up and walked over to Paul. Paul took Jason in his arms and was hugging him.

"I love you buddy."

"I love you too Paul." They let go and Jason wiped his eyes.

"I'm going to be downstairs with everybody. Come down and have some cake with us." Jason and Paul both went downstairs and cut the cake. Jason ate away from the rest of the family but still stayed in the conversation. It was funny how much they had all changed in one year. Paul was more responsible; Nicole was less worried about every little detail and Jason could tell she was happier. His mother was happier, and she looked great. Jason's father was thinner. He has always been thin, but now he was really scrawny and pale. Jason thought about it and realized that they all did look happier. Jason was confused and scared but he hadn't even thought of what his coma had done to these people, the people he loved. As he sat there they all talked about little Jason, the money and the plans they had for it, and Jason being awake and all of the things they were going to do as a family.

"Nicole?"

"What Jason?"

"Where's Dennis?" Dennis was Nicole's husband and Jason didn't see him anywhere. Dennis and Jason had always gotten along, and Jason wondered where he was.

"Oh Jason, he wanted to be here, but he had to fly up to New York three days ago for business."

"Oh ok."

He looked over everyone before saying what he really wanted to.

"Look I need to apologize to everyone for how I acted earlier, it was stupid. For me it's just been two days not over a year. You guys have grown and changed and I'm just me and I'm sorry." He looked down for a second before looking back up.

"I have to go and finish my room thanks for the cake." Jason went upstairs to get started on his room, unpacking his boxes, and moving his furniture. Jason had just moved his bed when his door opened. Paul walked in and sat down on Jason's couch.

"Hey Paul, what can I do for you?"

"Jason, what you said downstairs earlier, is that what really happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it Paul."

"Jason we care for you is that what happened?"

"I said I don't want to talk about it and I don't want you to ever ask about it again."

"Ok Jason, but some day you're going to have to talk about it with someone."

"I know Paul but today isn't that day."

"Ok, ok. Do you still want to go driving tonight?"

"Yea." "Ok well, we'll go in about an hour. Oh, and Jason, mom and dad respect you. And, well, everything that was inside your room at the time of the accident, they packed. Even the stuff that was in that trunk. Jason, mom said it about two weeks after your accident. She doesn't care if you're gay, and neither do we. Are you gay Jason?" Jason was quiet, and just kept unpacking his boxes. He didn't want to answer, so he just kept unpacking and tried not to make eye contact.

"Are you gay Jason?"

Jason threw a pile of junk on his bed and shrugged with his head down. I don't know if I am... maybe I guess."

"You really don't know?"

"Some stuff happened a few days before... I mean I've thought about it but I don't want o hurt mom and dad."

"Jason your sexuality isn't a problem for them."

"Can we not talk about this right now?"

"Sure Jason. Before I forget mom and dad put a wake up present in one of your boxes. It's quite the gift Jason. I will be back up in about forty-five minutes to get you." Paul turned for the door and stopped.

"You know you can talk to me right?"

"Yea sure Paul."

Paul walked out and went downstairs.

Jason finished moving his furniture and started more on the boxes. It was about the sixth box when Jason opened it up and pulled out a small paper bag. Jason didn't remember the brown bag being his. Jason opened the bag and felt inside. As soon as Jason touched it he knew what it was. Jason wrapped his fingers around it and pulled it out. It was a big roll of cash with a rubber band wrapped around it. Jason ran down the stairs and into the living room.

"How much is this dad?" They smiled and stood up.

"That's one thousand, two hundred dollars. It's your allowance for the time you were asleep. We never stopped paying it. We put it in a brown bag that we kept in the kitchen."

"Wait, let me get this straight. You're giving me a thousand dollars?"

"Yep it's yours."

"Sweet!"

"Jason? We filmed your birthday party if you want to see it."

Jason had remembered what his brother had said about what he did at his birthday party.

"Do you mind if I watch it upstairs?"

"No Jason that's ok." Jason's mother went over to a cupboard and pulled out two tapes. "This one is your birthday, and this one is Paul's and Breana's wedding." His mother handed them both to Jason and he went back upstairs.

Jason put the tape of his birthday in his VCR and pressed play. The screen was nothing but white fuzz and then the picture came in. They were in a hospital room and they were all around Jason. The camera was on his mother, and she was holding his hand. 'Jason it's your seventeenth birthday; we just dropped your gift at home and we're all going to eat some cake and sing happy birthday.' They were all there. Jason's mother and father, Nicole, Paul and Breana; even Dennis. They were all singing 'happy birthday' and they didn't sound too bad as a group. They finished singing and everyone had tears in their eyes. His mother leaned in and kissed him on the forehead. 'Happy birthday dear.' At that moment the camera cut out and went to fuzz again.

Jason sat there thinking they must have edited the tape. The tape was only about five minutes long but it was nice to know people hadn't forgot about him. He took time to unpack the rest of his things and get his things in order. In the last box Jason opened it and looked in. It was all of the stuff Jason found in his trunk on that night a year ago. The porno magazines, the vibrators, and all the other toys Jason hadn't really wanted to see.

Jason walked into his closet and started to set the box down next to his trunk. 'What am I doing I don't think I want these things,' he thought. Jason's trunk was open and his bedroom door opened.

"Jason?" It was Paul. With out even thinking, Jason dumped the box in his trunk, closed the lid and locked it.

"I'm in here Paul." Paul walked in and looked at Jason knelt down on the floor.

"Well are you coming?"

"Where?"

"Driving. Ya know that nice truck in the garage? It's yours. Let's take it out for a spin." Jason got up and they both made for the door.

They got to the truck. Jason got in the passenger seat, and Paul in the driver's seat. He pressed the button in the truck to open up the garage, it opened quickly. Paul backed out and started on their way down the road to go mudding.

"So where we going to go?"

"There's this lot over by the old house, and when it rains it fills with water. It rained last night so it should be pretty muddy." It was dark outside and they pulled into the lot. Jason recognized the lot instantly. It was the lot that Jason and Brad had been to over a year ago. It didn't look like it had changed much, but it was muddy and Jason knew he was going to have fun.

Paul stopped the truck and they switched places Jason in the drivers seat and Paul in the passenger's seat, and buckled up. Jason didn't want his brother Paul to try and explain to him how to drive. He knew how to drive; he had done it many times before, but somehow he knew it was coming.

"Hey Jason?"

"Yea Paul?"

"Don't kill us."

'Don't kill us'; that was it. Not 'there's your brake your gas'. None of that shit, just 'don't kill us'.

Jason smiled and shifted gears. It was an automatic but still, it felt good. Jason floored it and they peeled out fishtailing. They were doing about fifty and he hit the brakes and turned the wheel. The truck's back end swung around and mud went everywhere. Jason turned the wheel all of the way right and gunned it. The truck was doing half doughnuts; the truck going right a little then the back end swinging around to catch up. Jason laughed and started doing figure eight's.

The windshield was covered in mud and Jason had to turn on the windshield wipers. The mud cleared away and Jason was almost ten feet from the road. He hit the brakes and turned the wheel. The truck skidded sideways and to a halt inches from the road.

"Wow! Fuck yea!" They were both screaming and hollering.

"Oh damn Jason, that was close!"

"Yea shit." They played with the truck in the mud for about fifteen more minutes and then started off on their way home. Paul was letting Jason drive it to the gas station, so they could get it cleaned off. Jason started pulling out of the lot and it was a one and a half-foot drop to get into the lot and now he had to get out. He made sure nobody was coming and started at it. It wouldn't go for a second so he gave it a little more gas.

"Come on Jason, punch it! Show that curb who's boss!" Jason punched it and the truck climbed the curb with ease. He got over the curb and turned left towards the gas station.

"Damn, Paul. This thing has balls!"

"Yea I know." They drove to the gas station, the whole time talking about the fun they just had. I thought it was going to tip for sure that time.

"And when you almost took out that bench!" They got to the gas station and they pulled up to the car wash.

"Now let's get this bitch washed." They both got up and turned on the hoses to the car wash. They had to pay but it didn't matter to them. They were hosing off the car when Paul randomly sprayed Jason in the face.

"Oops! Ya know in my defense, you walked right in front of that one." Jason spit out the water and held up the hose.

"So if I drowned you the courts can't convict me, right?"

"Oh you don't have the guts." Jason held down the trigger and got Paul right in the face and just kept spraying.

"Thirsty Paul?"

"You little shit!" Paul and Jason started hosing each other down and laughing. A cashier came out and made them stop just as they finished washing down the truck. They were wet up and down top to bottom.

"Sorry Jason but your truck's going to be really wet."

"No it's not!"

"Oh, what? We're going to drive it from the bed of the truck?" Jason laughed and started taking off his shoes and socks. He had just taken them off, when Paul saw what he was doing.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm not getting my truck wet and neither are you." Jason pulled off his shirt and dropped his pants. Paul did the same and they both threw their clothes in the back of the truck. They were both in their boxers now and they both climbed in the truck. Jason started to drive and noticed his chest thighs and legs. Jesus, he had put on a few inches. And he was pale. He hadn't seen the sun in over a year, and it didn't look right. His skin was still darker than most people were. But it still looked pale to what it usually was. They were a few blocks away and Paul spoke up.

"Jason?" He glanced at Paul and spoke.

"Yea?"

"Jason do you remember when I was sixteen, and you were fourteen, and we did that thing in the basement that one time?" Jason knew what Paul was talking about but he had forgotten it for a long time, after all they only did it once.

"Umm yea, I guess."

"Does that have anything to do with your choice of lifestyle?"

"Paul, I have never said I was gay."

"Yea, but Jason, I saw the magazines, and the toys in your trunk."

"Paul?"

"What?"

"Don't judge a book by it's cover. I have never said I was gay; people just assume. I'm young, slim good looking. But I never said I was gay." They were quiet the rest of the way home until they pulled in and Paul spoke.

"It's good to have you back Jason." They both got out and went inside. Paul and Jason both threw their clothes in a load, and went to the living room.

"So you guys had fun?"

"Yea."

"Hey mom, I'm really tired. I'm going to go upstairs and get some sleep."

"Ok Jason, sleep well." Jason climbed the stairs to his room. He laid down in bed and relaxed. He laid there for only two or three minutes and fell asleep.

Next: Chapter 5


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