As always, this story cannot be used on any site without my consent. If you want it, contact me at XXX_Supafly@yahoo.com. The first two chapters of this story, as well as many other stories can be found on my site http://www.angelfire.com/mi3/TripleX
Disclaimer: There isn't really need for one on this story, since there is no sex. But there is a couple of man on man kisses, so if you don't like that, don't read on. Hope y'all enjoy this, the finale of Interview With A Quarterback.
Every day I woke up wishing I was dead. I didn't know what kind of world I lived in that would rip David from me, in such a way that the pain would cripple me each day. In such a way that I would be forever haunted by the words "I love you, forever" no matter who uttered them. In such a way that I went to bed each night, hoping I wouldn't wake up the next morning. Lord, why couldn't it have been me?
I never expected to lose David. Always in my mind there was the perfect image, of the perfect life, David and I happily ever after. The days leading up to what had become the worst day of my life had been perfect. The stupid little fights that had littered our relationship for most of its time had completely ceased. For most of the previous months, our relationship had been damn near perfect. Never for even a second did I think on the completely normal July 20th, that by the 21st, our time together in this lifetime would be over.
Since David had moved out of the Bowen Estate at the beginning of the summer, to a small little apartment on University Blvd., our relationship brightened intensely. We spent any time possible together. The only time we were apart was when we were at our respective jobs. But as soon as we got out, we were together again. The pressures put on us by his family completely disappeared. For the first time ever, we could be together and not worry about making someone "uncomfortable." We had fallen in love with each other to a whole new degree.
He became a completely different person once he was on his own. The annoying immaturity dissipated. He became a complete adult, which he said he owed to being on his own for the first time. He even became more romantic, which was hard to increase, but he still managed somehow. When I would come over after work, he'd have a candlelight dinner waiting for me. It was usually something along the lines of a TV dinner, but that made it so much more romantic for me. Even the sex changed. He became so much more intimate, more loving. For the first time in a long time, he was happy.
It was the first month anniversary of his leaving the Bowen Estate, when he showed up to surprise me at work. I was busy with a line of customers, so I acknowledged him with a smile, and mouthed the words "I'll be there in a minute." He smiled back brightly, then walked down an aisle and out of my site. I assumed he'd went to find Heidi somewhere, so I continued to wait on the customers, bagging their items, giving them their "have a great evening" and trying to get them out of my line as quick as possible. I was off in about 10 minutes, and I didn't want to stay any longer than I had to. As I was waiting on about the 10th from last customer, Heidi appeared and diverted some of them to her line. With the two of us working, the line was gone in nothing flat. I turned to talk to Heidi for a second, then turned back when I heard the basket land on the counter. I turned and my eyes connected with the gorgeous blue eyes who could belong to no one but my boyfriend. I removed the usual items from the basket (Candles, incense. I worked in a dollar store, not a whole lot to buy) and began to bag them. He took the basket from the counter, and put it back with the stack by the doors. He returned to me and then spoke.
"I want something from behind the counter too," He explained.
I gave him a puzzled look as all that was behind the counter was cheap resin knick knacks. I just didn't see knick knacks blending with all of David's Football, Basketball, and Track trophies.
"Oh really? What would you like?" I asked in return.
"The cashier," He said, raising his eyebrows and me then reaching over the counter and kissing me. The one customer left in Heidi's line gave us a dirty look, to which David replied by sticking his tongue out. I just smiled and giggled lightly as the woman left the store. Something told me she might not be back. Oh well, all she bought was candy anyways, and trust me she didn't need anymore food of any kind, if you get my drift.
"You almost done? I've got a romantic evening planned," He said, melting me with the look in his ice blue eyes.
"Heidi?" I asked, turning to look at her.
"You can go, I'll count you drawer for you," She replied, rearranging some of the knick knacks behind us.
"Wait, whose coming in to close?" I asked. There had been trouble as of late with drawers being short, and it seemingly only happened when one certain manager was working. The fat bitch store manager to be exact.
"Tessa, she's doing third tonight,"
"Okay. I'm all yours stud," I said to David, tossing my register keys in the direction of Heidi. They landed on the floor in front of her to her dismay. She was about five months pregnant, and bending over had become an adventure. She knealed down to grab them, then flipped me off. I stuck my tongue out in return and she just laughed. I walked from behind the registers and met David with a kiss. He grasped my hand in his and we turned to look at Heidi.
"Have fun you guys," She said, winking at the both of us.
I noticed that David winked back which means David told Heidi something about his plan tonight. Oh well, I liked surprises. We both assured Heidi we'd have fun, and that I would give her details later on, then walked out towards David's car.
"So what are you big plans for me?" I asked as David opened the passenger door for me.
"Oh you'll see," He said, raising his eyebrows at me again.
"He kissed me quickly then I got into the car. He bounded around to the drivers seat as I began to dig through his CD case for Jessica Simpson's "Irresistible" CD. I found it and popped it in the CD player as David started the car. The sweet tones of the song "Irresistible" began to play as we exited the parking lot of my hell hole job and started on our way to another romantic evening.
We drove mostly in silence until we reached our destination. I looked around for a few seconds and noticed the familiar surroundings of the River. At that moment I knew David had something special planned. The River was designated our special spot. He quickly exited the car and ran around to open my door. As I stepped from the car he put his hands on my waist and kissed my lips softly. He then grasped my hand in his, and with a "Come On" we began our walk to our usual spot at the bank of the River.
I enjoyed our settings as David lit a small fire. The cold autumn air had come early this year. And being next to the river did nothing but increase it. I shivered slightly as David sat down next to me. He noticed and quickly removed his sweatshirt and handed it to me. I slipped it on then cuddled up next to him.
"So why'd you bring me here babe," I asked, breaking the silence.
"Just some stuff I had to say to you," He replied.
"Oh? Like what?"
"Like I love you,"
"I already knew that," I said in a mocking tone.
"Let me finish," He said, standing then knealing in front of me. He then grasped my hands in his and took a deep breath. "I love you Alek. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you,"
The nervousness had completely enveloped his voice. His hands were sweating and shaking in mine. Even in the darkness I could see the sweat beading up on his forehead. Somewhere in my mind I was expecting it. But I knew for sure when I saw him pull the box from his pocket. The tears instantly formed in my eyes.
"I know we can't get married here. But what I'm asking is, can we pretend, I guess?" He said nervously, laughing at the end of his statement.
I couldn't help but laugh at his choice of words. David was never one to plan his words. He always spoke from the heart, which was one of the many things I loved about him. I brought my sleeve to my face and wiped away my tears. I then leaned forward and kissed him softly. The tears were now waterworks flowing from both of eyes.
"Oh God David, yes! Yes we can pretend!," I exclaimed, almost tackling him to the ground as I threw my arms around his neck.
David slipped the ring nervously on my finger and then hopped to his feet. He pulled me to my feet then yanked me into a hug. The tears of joy fell from both of our eyes. I had never been happier before in my life. My dreams of the perfect life had finally come true. David and I were going to spend the rest of our lives together. Nothing could've come along at that moment that would've broken my smile. My insides were jumping for joy. But outside, my body had not left David's embrace. We hugged for minutes before the embrace parted. As we parted, I brought my lips to his and softly kissed him.
"I love you," I spoke softly, smiling more happily than ever before.
"I love you more," He joked, kissing me quickly in the nose.
I wiped at my nose, as I hated being kissed there, then grasped David's hand in mine. We shared one more kiss and then began our walk back to his car. I began to fiddle slightly with the ring, reassuring myself that what had just transpired did indeed happen. David and I were indeed "engaged" now. Though Michigan law prohibited marriage between same sex couples, we could "pretend" as he had said so cutely. Being legally married didn't matter to me. Just as long as David and I were together for the rest of our lives, I would be happy.
When we arrived back at the car, we stopped and shared one more kiss. Unlike the soft kisses we had shared earlier, this kiss was full of passion. His tongue begged entrance into my mouth, and I submitted, if only for a moment to his desires. After our tongues writhed against one another for a short time, I broke the kiss and opened my car door. The air was getting colder by the minute, and I desperately wanted to get in the car and put my hands on the heater. After I was in the car, David shut my door behind me then raced over to his side. He hopped quickly in and slammed the door behind him. He quickly started the car and I began to fiddle with the radio. I switched it back to song number 1 on the Jessica Simpson "Irresistible" CD, then David pulled away from the river and back onto the highway.
As the ride there had been, it was a pretty quiet ride back into town. David and I held hands the entire ride back. Words were not often needed between David and I. I could just look into his glittering blue eyes, and feel completely at ease in the silence. He had a power over me no one else had. No matter how I was feeling, how much I thought life totally sucked, I could look into David's eyes and smile. I loved him more than life itself. I squeezed his hand slightly, and he turned to look at me with an inquisitive look in his eyes.
"I love you babe," I said softly.
"I love you too," He replied, leaning over in his seat to kiss me.
That was where things went wrong. Something we had done so many times before, completely backfired on this day. As our kiss parted, and I opened my eyes, I noticed to car coming straight at us. Before I even had the chance to finish screaming "David, watch out", the car collided with us head on. Glass flew from the windows in all directions, lacerating me on every open patch of skin. My head flew violently against the dashboard, knocking my world dizzy, but not rendering me unconscious. I felt the car spinning, like some sort of demented amusement ride, and then slam violently against the cement k-rail separating the road from the dune beneath.
My vision was blurry. I was over taken with a severe case of nausea. I pushed desperately at the button of my seatbelt, and freed myself from its confines. I pushed myself from my seat, and looked in horror as I saw David's head draped over the steering wheel. I inched across the seat as a snails pace, and pushed him back from the wheel. He groaned, and I almost screamed when I saw the blood leaking from his face. I inched over closer, and grasped my hand in his.
"David," I spoke as if I had just woken up. My voice crackled, as if it were rusty, and I found it incredibly painful to speak.
"Alek," He said, proceeded by a cough. I winced in pain as I saw through blurred vision that cough produced blood.
"I'm here babe," I replied.
"Alek, listen to me," He said, coughing once more. "I don't think I'm going to make it," He said coughing once more. I felt daggers rip through my heart as this cough lasted much longer than the previous two.
"Oh God David, don't talk like that," I said, beginning to sob, but trying my best to fight back the tears.
"I'm sorry babe," He coughed. "Just remember one thing for me, okay?"
"God please David, just hold on. Help will be here any minute," I sobbed
"Just listen to me Alek. I love you,"
"I love you too," I sobbed uncontrollably.
"Never forget that. I love you, forever,"
His statement was followed by a long series of coughs, which caused more and more blood to leak from his mouth. And then, silence. At that moment, my heart was ripped from my chest and smashed violently against the pavement, and then stomped on. I knew David had left me. The tears went from water works, to Niagara Falls. I collapsed against David's chest and let them flow. God why did he have to leave me? On today, of all days. It was not fair that the greatest day of my life had become the worst. I could barely hear myself think, but what I could hear within my mind was his words echoing: "I love you, forever." I cursed the God's above for taking David from me, and leaving me here, alone. Somewhere faintly in the background I could still hear the CD playing. The song spoke so true to me at that moment, and for I'm sure the rest of my life. "When you told me you loved me, did you know it would take me the rest of my life, to get over the feeling, of knowing my dreams didn't turn out right...."
I was in shock. I could not speak to anyone when help finally arrived. I threw up several times as the pulled David's lifeless body from the car and loaded him into the ambulance. After he was loaded up, I was instructed to ride to the hospital with the policeman. I found myself wishing desperately that Jeremy (Heidi's boyfriend) had received the call. But instead I was ushered into a car with a man I had never met in my life, who expected me to talk to him when I had just watched my boyfriend breathe his last breath. Once I was in the car, I leaned my head against the window and sobbed silently to myself. I noticed the policeman look over at me and sigh. I could see faintly a tear glimmering in his eye.
When we arrived at the hospital, he assisted me into the building and had me seen immediately by a doctor. They checked me over and came to the conclusion I had a very bad concussion, glass embedded in several parts of my body, and most likely a broken facial bone. Everything was directed at the policeman, and I felt suddenly like a foreigner in my own country who needed a translater. But as much as I tried, my voice would not work. The tears too had ceased flowing. My mind was full of nothing but David's words, echoing over and over: "I love you, forever." I felt as if I had died inside.
Fortunately I was coherent enough to nod when the policeman told me they were going to start removing the glass from my face and neck. I didn't even know I was bleeding, and that I should be in pain. I could feel nothing. I didn't even know if I had a heartbeat. I felt dead, like my soul had left me, but my body lived on. I had lost completely the will to live. I wanted so badly as the doctor started to remove the glass to turn my neck and hope he sliced an artery. I didn't want to be on this Earth if David wasn't with me.
I don't remember honestly how long I was at the hospital before someone I knew finally arrived. At some point during the night the policeman had taken my pager and my wallet to contact people on my behalf. My father was out of town, and I had no family in Michigan. So as always, Heidi rushed to my side.
Heidi stepped slowly through the doors into the ER and looked around for me. When she finally saw me laying motionless in a bed at the end of the hall, she ran quickly to me, pushing several nurses out of her way.
"Oh my God Alek," She sobbed, snatching me into an embrace. "I'm so sorry,"
As I heard her tears mine once more started, making me think my soul may not have abandoned me. My voice still refused to work, so I sat there with my arms draped around Heidi, sobbing until I thought my eyes may pop out. Our embrace finally ended, and I lay back on the bed. She looked almost as bad as I felt. Her make up had run, and her eyes were completely bloodshot. But she still managed a slight smile as she reached out and brushed the hair from my forehead. She leaned forward and kissed me lightly on the top of the head, then sat back in her chair. She grasped my hand in hers and I tried to force a smile. I'm not sure how well I did at that.
Heidi took over where the policeman had left off, answering any questions the doctor had, and telling me whatever was said. I continued my attempts to speak but they all failed, so I would nod whenever necessary. I was asked if I wanted a sedative and vehemently shook my head no. I wanted to be awake when the Bowen's arrived. Then after that they could give me anything they wanted, just as long as I never woke up again.
But as I saw the Bowen's step through the doors of the ER, I suddenly wished I had taken the sedative. Geoff, and his parents walked slowly to where I was, and I felt my stomach turning over and over. They had been far from happy about our relationship, and now I had been with David when he was killed. I thought surely I would be to blame for this all. I really really wanted that sedative now. But when they arrived at my bed, much to my surprise their mother pulled me into and embrace and began to rock back and forth with me.
"Oh Alek. God are you okay?" She asked, sobbing.
I was determined to answer this time. I took a deep breath and forced the words from my mouth. "David," was all I managed to speak before the tears completely ravaged me once more.
"Oh sweety we know," She cried, still rocking back and forth with me.
"I'm so sorry Colleen," I managed to say through my tears. "I wish it was me,"
She broke from the embrace and looked me deeply in the eye. Even in times of crisis, this woman always managed to keep some degree of composure. As Heidi had done earlier, she pushed the hair from my forehead, and then spoke.
"Never say that Alek. That would be the last thing David would ever want. He loved you very, very much," She spoke, choking back her tears.
As I heard that, I collapsed once more against her and resumed my sobbing. She started to rock back and forth with me again, while murmuring things like "We'll get through this, together," This gave me a small fraction of peace, knowing I wasn't blamed for this. But with it also came sadness, knowing that now I had been accepted by his family, and he wasn't able to enjoy it with me. I sobbed for minutes against the breast of his mother until my eyes felt again as if they may explode. I lay back on the bed, and felt as if I was being stabbed repeatedly as I glanced around the room at the faces of David's family. Once my eyes connected with Geoff's, I broke down again. Much to my surprise, he stepped up to the bed and yanked me to him. For the first time in my life, I heard Geoff cry. But as his mother had done, he gave me a slight feeling of peace as he spoke to me through his tears "Thank God you're okay, I couldn't have lost you both." But as much as that put me somewhat at ease, I was bewildered at its meaning. Sure, Geoff and I had became friends over the past months, but I was hardly his best friend. But as the pain in my head began to get increasingly worse, I put that thought aside for another day. I broke free from Geoff's grasp and lay back on the bed. I reached over to the table next to me and grabbed a Kleenex and proceeded to wipe me eyes. The rest of the room joined in with me. The four of them pulled chairs up next to the bed and to my surprise David's father grasped my hand in his and patted it lightly. I tried my best to smile at him, but I'm sure I looked moronic. Surrounded by the four of them, I felt terrible that I was the center of attention when David had lost his life. No matter what Colleen had told me, I still wished it had been me.
I was only kept over night at the hospital. And with my dad being out of town, Heidi took me into her place. I felt so utterly worthless, in life in general. Every single night I awoke crying. David's words haunted me: "I love you, forever." Each time I awoke, I would expect everything to be fine, to have David laying next to me. But each time, I was reminded of the truth with violent images of the crash that had ripped my one true love from my life. Each time I walked into Heidi's bathroom, I wanted to rip open her medicine chest and take everything in it, to end my suffering. I came so close as to have a bottle of pills in my hand, but as I began to unscrew the cap I was reminded of what David's mother had said to me when I said I wish it had been me, "that would be the last thing David would ever want." As much as I wanted to die, to be with him, I kept hanging on for him.
The days leading up to the funeral were a complete blur. I did absolutely nothing. I didn't shave, I barely ate, and I never changed from my pajamas. By Monday afternoon I looked like a homeless hobo. But I had to spiff myself up. I wanted to look nice, after all, I had to say goodbye to David that day.
Like a drone, I made it through my pre-worst day of my life morning activities. I looked to my standards, but I could not peel myself from the mirror. My eyes didn't look like my own. They were pale, lifeless, and above all else bloodshot. I wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed and hide under the covers. But I knew I had to face the world. I had to leave the house, and if only for an hour, I had to pretend I really wanted to go on living in spite of just losing the one thing I had ever loved. And more gut wrenching than anything, I had to say goodbye to David. Before the tears had a chance to rip me back down into emotional hell, I squirted the Visine liberally into each eye, and made my way to the living room where Heidi was waiting. She greeted me with a hug, and then together we walked out of her apartment and down the steps to her car. Out into the world I went, to do something I never thought I'd have to do.
I was mobbed by the masses that are the Bowen family as I walked into the church. Each one of them came up to me and said things like "We're so sorry." It frankly made me sick to my stomach. Less than a week ago, David had been the queer reject of the family. But now that he was dead, they all acted as if he had been they're best friend. I really hated when people did that. Needless to say, after about 10 minutes of that, I was quite sick of it. I made my way through the crowd and sat myself in a pew in the very back of the church, excluded away from everyone. I lay my head against the bench in front of me and began to silently resume my sobbing. I tried to keep as quiet as possible, as I didn't really feel like being comforted by people who didn't even like David, let alone me. But alas, one of them still came up to me.
"Alek?" He asked as he walked up.
I rose my head from the bench, and quickly wiped my eyes on the sleeve of my shirt. I turned to look at him and noticed an attractive young man, about my age, maybe a little younger. He was unmistakably related, as his eyes matched with David's mother's side of the family perfectly, ice blue. Behind him stood another man, who also could've been related as his hair matched with the Bowen side of the family. But beyond that, he didn't fit in. Besides David, and I hate to admit, Geoff, there were hardly any attractive Bowen's. And this guy was gorgeous. Even through my pain I could see that. After I had taken in their appearances, I snapped myself back to reality and responded to guy number 1.
"Yeah," I replied in my seemingly new trademark rusty hinge like voice.
"Hi, I'm Adam, David's cousin," Guy number 1 explained thrusting his hand forward.
I limply grabbed his hand and shook it. I forced forward a meek smile, which was met with a similar smile from Adam. Guy number 2 stepped forward and extended his hand. I shook it weakly and waited for the introductions from him.
"I'm Erik, Adam's boyfriend,"
This news came as a shock to me. I was unaware of David having a gay family member. But then again, if his experiences were anything like David's he was probably exiled to the "gossiped about" section of the family. When I thought about it that way, I was kind of glad I had no family.
"I didn't know David had any gay family members," I spoke, trying desperately to clear my voice.
"Well, there aren't a whole lot of us. In fact, David and I were the only ones." Adam spoke, sitting down next to me.
"Were you guys close?" I asked.
I had a vague memory of a cousin Adam. If my memory served correctly he was 3 years younger than David, which would make him 18. And he was from Florida. But other than that, I was in the dark.
"We were when we were kids. But then they moved back here. We lost touch for a little while. But we reconnected when me and my dad moved back here,"
"Wait, is your dad Uncle James?"
"That would be him,"
It was all coming back to me now. Adam was Uncle James' son, who was Colleen's baby brother. He was a lawyer and worked for Houston & Garter, the biggest Law Firm in West Michigan. Adam's mom, Aunt Psycho as she was called had literally went psycho and tried to stab Uncle James with a 3 inch paring knife. She was locked up in a mental hospital now, and Uncle James and Adam had moved to Michigan. Adam and David had gotten together a few times recently, when I had been at work. With the exception of Geoff, Adam seemed to be the only family member David expressed a liking for.
"David talked about you alot. You and Geoff seemed to be the only family members he cared about," I explained, sniffling at the end of my statement.
"He talked about you alot too. In fact, you were almost all he talked about," Adam replied.
"I smiled slightly, but was instantly reminded that David was gone. My tears started to form once again, but I fought diligently to fight them back. I wasn't exactly keen on the idea of breaking down in front of someone I didn't know, though I'm sure he wouldn't blame me if I did. With that thought in mind, I let the tears win, and buried my head in my hands. Adam slid next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. I could hear him crying too. The way I was feeling, his arm on my shoulders completely comforted me. Through his tears, he was whispering stuff like "It'll be okay." Which I didn't believe at the moment, but I knew deep down it would be true one day. After about five minutes of crying, I pulled myself together and apologized to Adam and Erik for breaking down.
"Don't be ridiculous, we don't blame you at all," Erik said, taking a seat next to Adam.
"We both lost someone we cared about deeply," Adam said, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. "Though I'm sure my loss is nothing compared to the way you're feeling right now,"
"Yeah," was all I replied. I didn't really want to go into detail with how I was feeling. It scared me, so I'm sure it would scare some complete stranger. Adam and Erik seemed like extremely nice guys. I definently didn't need to unload my emotions on them.
"Listen, Alek. I've got something important to give you," Adam started.
"What's that?" I asked.
"Well, when you and David broke up the first time, he went to Florida that summer to stay with me and my dad,"
"Right,"
"Well, he wrote you a letter when he was down there. After he wrote it he decided to just tell you how you felt, instead of giving you the letter. So I found the letter, and figured you'd want to read it," Adam explained, handing me the envelope.
I took the envelope from Adam's hands and stared at the writing on the outside: "To my one true love" The tears started to slowly leak from my face again, but this time I just let them flow. This was typical David. Before, he was never one to speak his emotions. I fought desperately most times to get him to tell me how he felt. But one day, all of that changed. And he had been open with me about everything from then on. I was anxious to read what the letter said. So I slowly lifted the flap and pulled the wrinkled piece of paper from the envelope. I opened the letter and began to read the beautiful, albeit incredibly sloppy handwriting of my lost love.
Alek,
I've got so many things to say to you. But you know me, I'm horrible at expressing my emotions. So I decided to write down exactly how I felt.
I love you Alek. I know that you think what we had was all about sex, but it wasn't, at least not to me. We could've never had sex and I would've been completely happy. Just being with you was enough. Just to see your smile brightened my entire day, no matter how I was feeling. You were my sunshine. I'm crazy about you Alek. Every single time I told you I loved you, I meant it. But I know I didn't treat you that way. And I don't blame you for a second for breaking it off with me. You deserve to be treated alot better than the way I treated you.
But when you broke up with me, you told me I had alot to think about. And as always, you were right. So I took off here to Florida to hang with my cousin Adam, and to get his advice since he's gay too. He told me to listen to my heart (Just like you did, oddly enough.) Well I did, and it told me exactly what I already knew, and exactly what I wanted to hear. I want to be with you Alek. I've been so miserable these past months without you. I don't care what my family thinks, let them abandon me. I'm willing to sacrifice everything, just as long as I have you. So when I get back to MI, I hope we can work things out. Because I love you, and I don't know how long I'll last without having you in my life. You are the single most perfect thing alive Alek. And I was sent to this Earth for the sole purpose of loving you. I hope you can forgive me.
Love Always,
David.
The Niagara Falls from my face had resumed by the finish of the letter. I slowly folded the letter up and placed it back into the envelope, then lay my head back on the bench. The insanely blubbering tears had long since ceased, these waterworks were silent. The pain I had been feeling before that was only increased with that letter. He was the most wonderful person I had ever known. It was so unfair for him to be taken so young. It was so unfair for him to be snatched from me. It was just so unfair. I wanted so badly to go home and eat a bullet, or down a bottle of pills, or have an "accident" with a kitchen knife, just so I could hear his voice again. But each time those thoughts ran through my mind, I would be reminded of what Colleen had said, and the letter had confirmed, indirectly. He loved me very much. And I knew the last thing he would ever want was to see me hurt, or dead. As much as I wanted to take the easy way out, I would force those thoughts away. I had to keep hanging on, for him.
Adam and Erik remained by my side until my tears began to slow, about five minutes later. I lifted my head from the bench and was met with the teary eyes of both Adam and Erik. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve, and tried my best to smile at them.
"Should I not have given you that?" Adam asked, the tears evident in his voice.
"No," I replied soundly. "I'm glad you did. Really, I am," I said, patting his hand lightly.
He smiled at me lightly, then leaned over and gave me a hug. It came as a bit of a surprise, but it was still the comfort I needed at that moment. We held each other for minutes, both of us sobbing lightly. We broke the hug, and Erik handed us both some tissue.
"We both lost someone amazing," Adam said, wiping his eyes with the tissue. "But we can get through this, together,"
"Thank you, Adam. It means alot,"
He didn't speak in return, but reached over and hugged me again. It was then I saw the priest walk into the room, and I knew it was nearing the climax for the most horrible event in my life. I looked to the front of the room, and connected eyes with the ebony of David's casket. I had seen him only once since all of this, at the visitation yesterday. But I could not bring myself to speak. I broke down, and was helped away by Geoff and Heidi. I knew this was probably my last chance to say goodbye.
"I've got something I've got to do," I spoke to Adam and Erik, starting my walk to the front of the room.
In my walk towards the casket, I connected eyes with Geoff. He looked as if he was going to walk to me, but I mouthed the words "I'll be okay." He smiled back, and resumed his conversation with Heidi. I reached the casket, and stood staring at the lifeless shell of my David.
I could feel the tears starting again, but I fought viciously to keep them away. This was my last chance to say goodbye to him. I wiped my eyes quickly on the tissue then deposited it into my pocket. I took a deep breath and began to speak.
"Well sweety, I guess this is it," I whispered. "This is all so unfair. I shouldn't have to be doing this. You should still be here, we should still be together. You didn't even get to hear Mariah's new album." I laughed slightly, choking on my tears. "But, I guess that wasn't in God's plan, which sucks, but I guess I have to deal. This is so hard for me, you were my strength in the face of tragedy."
The tears won the battle and began to flow steadily once more. I took a brief pause, and closed my eyes. I ripped the tissue from my pocket and wiped my eyes again. I took yet another deep breath and resumed my good-byes.
"As much as this sucks hun, I'm going to hold on. But I'm going to miss you, God I'm going to miss you. But save me a spot up there, because I'll be there eventually. And when I get there, we can pick up where we left off down here. I love you David, always,"
I leaned down and gently kissed his forehead. It was so cold, so lifeless. I pulled back and closed my eyes tightly, reminding myself that this was just a shell, and that my David was looking down on me from Heaven. I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes once more, then deposited the tissue back into my pocket. I leaned down and whispered "I love you" once more, then walked over to Geoff and Heidi. Geoff met me with a hug, and asked me if I was okay. I said no, but yes, which was actually how I was feeling. He said he understood, somehow. I just smiled, and noticed the priest step up to the podium. Heidi grasped my hand in hers, and dreadfully, we walked to our seats.
As expected, I cried the entire funeral. My head hurt so bad by the end of it, I was nauseous. But it was a beautiful ceremony. I just wished it had been for someone else. Several people stood up throughout the course and talked about David. But it was Adam's words that really penetrated through.
"David was the most caring human being I had ever known. He liked everyone, and everything. He'd break his back just to make you happy. He had a genuine love for life. I remember when we were kids, and we would sit around for hours and listen to our grandpa tell stories, David loved to listen. He kept that quality into adulthood. No matter what you had to say, David would always listen and never criticize. There aren't many people like that in the world. We're all going to miss him very much,"
He managed to keep his tears away for his statement, but as he sat down I saw him bury his face against Erik. I felt envious of him for a short moment, but realized I had Geoff for that, at least for the time being. But I didn't have Geoff at that degree, thankfully, just the thought of Geoff that way was kinda icky. But he was exactly what I needed at this moment, a comforting shoulder to cry on. And I took full advantage of that. I lay my head on his shoulder and resumed my sobbing until the end of the funeral, at which point he got up to do his pall bearer duties. I sat there for minutes, just staring as David's casket was carried from the church and to the hurse. It was Heidi's hand on my shoulder that awoke me from my trance. I stood up and collapsed weakly against her and sobbed lightly.
"This is so hard," I cried.
"Shhh," She comforted. "Well get through this,"
"As much as I didn't want to believe her, I knew that was indeed true. Still in my heart, I didn't want to get through it. I wanted all of my pain to just go away. And I didn't really care how that came about. But I knew that was nothing more than a dream. Getting over this was going to be a lifelong thing. There was no easy way out. I had to hang on, for David.
The next months were some of the hardest of my life. But fortunately, I had an amazing group of people to help me through it all. Not a day went by that I didn't have some form of contact with Heidi, or Geoff, or Adam, or Erik. I was so thankful to have all of them with me. If it hadn't been for them, I'm sure I would've had a breakdown. There were still days when I thought of taking the easy way out. But always in my mind was the thought of David. He never wanted to see me hurt. So I kept hanging on, for him.
I can't say the pain went away. But it dulled slowly with time. My life was back to somewhat of the way it was before. But it would never be the same. David was still gone. But I knew he was still looking out for me, my new guardian angel above. And whenever I needed to be alone, to clear my thoughts, I would go to the cemetery and visit David's grave. It wasn't something I did too often, as it still ripped me apart to see his name etched in the granite of the tombstone. But when Mariah Carey's "Glitter" album came out, I felt a strange need to go to the cemetery and play it for David. I dug into my closet until I found my old CD Player. I popped some batteries into it, and grabbed the CD. I walked out into the car, and laughed at myself for doing this. I wonder what my psychiatrist would say.
I pulled onto the gravel trail of the cemetery and came slowly to a stop. I grabbed the CD Player from the passenger seat and exited the car. I made the short walk to David's grave, and tossed my coat onto the ground. I sat down and hit play on the CD player.
"Well here it is babe, after two years of waiting, Glitter is finally out," I spoke aloud as the song "Loverboy" began to play.
As usual I had brought with me a notebook. As the CD played for David, I began to jot down thoughts I had had recently. I'd hesitate to call it a journal, as I very seldom wrote in it. But anytime I came to the cemetery, I wrote down my feelings and thoughts on the world around me:
It is still so hard for me. Everyday I wake up and hope to see David laying next to me. But alas, it never happens. Certain parts of my life feel like an extended nightmare. If not for Heidi, Geoff, Adam and Erik I don't know where I'd be right now. But my senses tell me it'd probably be a mental hospital somewhere. Friendship really can pull you through anything.
I know Dr. Mallon would think I'm crazy for doing it, but I felt a strange need to do so. "Glitter" came out yesterday, so I decided to bring it to the cemetery and play it for David. I know he would've loved it. Maybe it is crazy, I don't know, but just being here puts me somewhat at ease. God, I miss him so much.
I closed the book and began to sob. This, like the notebook was a usual occurrence. But it was heightened this time as Mariah's song "Reflections" played in the back ground. I buried my head in my hands and let the tears flow. I had found out over the past months that fighting them was pretty pointless, as they always kicked my ass in the end. I tuned out the world around me and sobbed, completely lost in the memories. That's how I didn't hear the footsteps come from behind me.
"Excuse me?" The man spoke to me, snapping me back to reality.
I wiped my eyes on my shirt sleeve then turned to look at him. I was shocked as I took in the man's appearance. He was at least 6'3, bright blonde hair and dark blue eyes. He looked so much like David it was uncanny.
"Are you okay?" He asked again.
"Yeah," I replied sniffling. "This place just has a way of making me cry," I said again, wiping my eyes on my sleeve once more.
"I know how that is," He replied. "Is that your brother?" He asked, nodding the direction of David's tombstone.
"Boyfriend actually," I replied, hoping to God this man wasn't a homophobe.
"I'm so sorry," He said, crouching down beside me. "I just lost my boyfriend recently too," He said again, the tears building slowly in his eyes.
"I'm sorry," I said, not really knowing what to say to something like that.
"It never gets any easier being here," He said softly, sitting down completely next to me.
"I know," I replied, sniffling. "I break down every time I come here, but yet I can't stop myself from coming,"
"I know. But I just miss him so much." the man spoke, wiping his eyes on his jacket sleeve. "So how'd it happen, if you don't mind me asking?"
"Car accident," I replied. "I was with him. I came out fine except for a concussion and a few cuts," I said again, sobbing greatly by the finish.
"I'm so sorry," the man spoke, pulling me into a hug.
The feeling I got as his arms surrounded me was unreal. Never since I had lost David had I felt so at peace as I did in the embrace of this complete stranger. If only temporary, this man came along and washed away my pain. I could not explain it, but I was thankful for it.
"I'm sorry," He spoke as the hug parted. "You just looked like you needed a hug,"
"Don't be sorry," I spoke. "That really was what I needed,"
"Hi," He laughed slightly, extending his hand. "I'm Bryce,"
"Alek," I replied, shaking his hand as "Glitter" came to an end. "So Bryce, how did you lose..." "Christian," He replied. "And I hope you don't think I'm a jerk for doing this, but would you mind if I didn't tell just yet?"
"No, that's fine," I replied. "Sorry for asking,"
"Don't be. Listen, Alek, I hope you don't think this forward of me, but would you like to get some coffee?"
"Sure," I replied, smiling lightly at him.
"Great," He replied. "Java Bug?" He asked, hopping to his feet.
"Works for me," I replied, grabbing my notebook and standing also.
"See you there," He replied, clapping me on the shoulder the preceding to walk in the opposite direction of my car.
I bent down and grabbed the CD player then proceeded to walk to my car. I looked down the trail and saw Bryce pull away. I got in my car and quickly started it up. I sat in the car and began to think how amazing it was that I met Bryce. I could not explain just how he happened to be there at the exact same time as me. But then again, maybe I could. I did have a guardian angel up there who loved me just as much as I loved him. And he knew that Bryce was what I needed. I needed someone who understood what I was going through, because they too had been through it. I didn't know what the future would hold for me with Bryce. But I knew that he was heaven sent.
"Thank you, David," I spoke aloud.
A stiff breeze blew by, rustling some leaves from the trees surrounding me. I took that as recognition that my thank you had been received. I put the car into gear and pulled away from the cemetery. And for the first time in months, I had an actual smile on my face. Though I never thought it possible again, I was happy.
THE END