Intentions of Life

Here we go... part two

DISCLAIMER: Within this series, people are mentioned and I have no real knowledge of their sexuality. Maybe Ryan Phillipe is gay, maybe he is happily straight and married to Reese. These things will never be known to me (unless you're reading Ryan in which case let me know). Otherwise, this is all my dream work. If you aren't of legal age please don't read any further. If you are offended by Male/Male concepts, please go find some story where he sticks his hard and hairy penis into her moldy hole which was well worn and had the juice of her three previous lovers slowly dripping out... BLEEURGH!!!

AUTHORS WORDS: Hey Guys, I'm not going to crap on like I do usually. I'm just going to say I hope you all enjoyed the festive season and that you all have a safe and happy new year.

FEEDBACK: jellybeanking@hotmail.com

AUTHORS THANKS: As usual, my first thanks goes to the Nifty Archivist who so kindly lets me post my stories here. Even when I do forget to attatch a chapter to it. Oops. Next goes to Paul, who gives me a great grounding when I need it... bitch! Troy, without you, I would probably be living in another state by now. Monica... for trusting me enough to give me a job where I meet so many people who give me inspiration with my stories. My ex-boyfriends... for giving me the guts to be me and teaching me to say FUCK YOU!

AUTHOR RECOMMENDS:

JC Dreams - (boy bands) - The other series I write - based on JC Chasez from Nsync and Tony (a non-celeb). Still in progress... going well... I think.

Ryan's Love - (celebrity) - Another Ryan Phillipe story. Reading it gave me the guts to write this one. I only hope that I can write as well as the author of this one.

Search and Rescue - (boy bands) - JC again with a guy called Matt. Very superbly well written story. Go find it, read it, demand more... the author is soooo slack when it comes to writing (like I can talk).

Brandis Redemption - (celebrity) - Jon Brandis... disappeared from our screens... but alive in Nifty... just as slack is Scoop as I can be - only he's considerably worse than I am.

Alright... let's party.

Intentions of Life 02

by

SunChild

You claim innocence and not to understand Or do you, do you?

• Jewel

'Do You'

The service was hard for Sharna and Mark. It seemed to hit them harder than it did me, probably because I had never really liked Matt. Like I've said before, he used to weird me out. Though, I think it was still hard for me when you know someone and they die. Especially when you are the one that finds them. It's unsettling, I guess is the word you'd use to describe it. I knew Matt as Sharna's boyfriend, I knew him as a guy who was alive. Now I know him as dead.

After the service we followed out to the cemetery. As we stood around, I put my hand on Sharna's shoulder, Mark put his on her other. Partly for support, but more to make sure she didn't dive in after him. I had never seen her as upset before as I saw her that day. Towards the end, I looked up and saw Ryan standing there. He wasn't looking down as everyone else was, he was looking straight at me. When he realized I'd seen him, he smiled shyly and lowered his head. I found it confusing, weird and unnerving. Was it me or was I being checked out? At a funeral no less. Weird and kinda, I dunno maybe... ICK! I've heard of it happening but never thought it would really happen.

When it was all over, we headed towards the car. As we approached it, we heard a voice call out softly, but loud enough to be heard.

"Sharna." All three of us turned and saw Ryan walking towards us. Sharna stepped forwards. Ryan walked up and looked her in the eye.

"Hi, I'm Ryan Phillipe." He said to her.

"I know who you are, and you seem to know I'm Sharna." She told him.

"Yeah, sorry. I just wanted to say sorry to you. Matt was always talking about you to me. He cared, actually, he loved you. For him that was hard. He had a shitty childhood, so he never found it easy to give his heart to anyone." Sharna nodded.

"Thanks." She said simply.

"Look, this is arkward, are you free for dinner tonight?" Sharna looked at him.

"Jared and I were going to go out together tonight."

"Jared... ah yes, your flat mate. Matt told me some stuff about him. Bring him along, I'm interested in meeting him." I stood up beside her.

"I'll be there." I told him. Ryan looked a little shocked then extended his hand.

"Hi, it's nice to finally meet you. I've heard quite a bit about you." He smiled. I smiled back and extended my hand and shook it. What he said echoed in my head like a bad pick up line. Ryan and Sharna then dicscussed where and when we would all meet up again. The entire time, Ryan kept checking over at me. Eventually we got through it all and Sharna, Mark and I all climbed into the car and left.

Sitting in the car the three of us looked at each other. I was the first to speak

"What the fuck was that?" Sharna shrugged and looked at Mark.

"I'd say that was Ryan Phillipe asking you both to dinner and checking out Jared." He suggested. Okay, so it hadn't been just me who noticed. Made me breath a little easier, but I was still a little disturbed at being checked out at a funeral. Made me feel two things. 1) Unclean, for a better word because 2) I could only get guys when someone died? God, I'd have to go on a killing spree to meet the one then. Now where did that thought come from? That isn't me.

"I thought he was, but isn't he married to that Reese Witherspoon or something?" Asked Sharna.

"Cover marriage?" I asked. "It's not as though it's not heard of, apparently a lot of people do it."

"Even if they have a baby together?" Sharna asked.

"Might have realised he's gay after baby was born. That or he's bi." Suggested Mark. We were all starting to get into this.

"So he's going to whisk off Jared, make him a star, while fucking him senseless at the same time." Sharna put forward.

"So romantic Sharna." I told her glancing over.

"Well, hey, life isn't always romantic. Besides what's romantic about being picked up at his cousin's funeral?" She asked.

"I don't know, I actually find it disturbing. It means whenever I break up and want to see someone new I have to find a friend to die for me." I laughed.

"That's sick." Mark said, looking at me.

"Don't tell me, tell Phillipe. He's the one who goes after the grieving."

"You're so grieving and all aren't you Jared." Sharna said, with mock accusation.

"Okay, so I'm not, but he doesn't know that." I said poking my tongue at her. She giggled and looked out the window then back at me.

"What are you going to do if he is interested though? It would be a good way for you to get into acting, attatched to the name Phillipe."

"Wouldn't that make me like, I dunno, a gold digger?" I asked. The thought of getting into acting was something that, I will admitt, be dreamy and idealic, though I wanted to do it on my own, I didn't want to ride in on someone else's name. Sharna shrugged

"Isn't that how most people get into the business, sleep with someone famous?" I shrugged and pleaded innocence. I didn't want to believe that the entertainment industry was that corrupt, though, I dunno... was it?

We arrived back out our apartment and sat down in the lounge and talked for a bit, Tori Amos playing in the background when the phone rang. Picking it up I spoke,

"Hello?... Speaking... Yes Ryan, I remember who you are... I dunno, we'll be pretty fine to get there... yeah I know about traffic, I do drive... yeah sorry, didn't mean to snap... okay, well we'll be fine to get there... yup, okay, bye." The other two looked at me in surprise.

"Ryan wanted to know if we wanted a lift to dinner tonight." I explained.

"How'd he get our number?"

"He's cleaning out Matt's apartment and well, he found his address book." Sharna nodded and looked at the clock.

"I'll go and get ready." She said standing up. Mark stood up and looked ready to leave.

"I think I better go now." He said. Great, I was just going to be sitting around doing nothing until Sharna's done. Sharna nodded and gave Mark a hug goodbye. She then wandered off and I looked at Mark.

"Thanks for coming today." I told him. Mark shrugged and looked as though he had something to say.

"Mark, are you okay?" I asked him. He nodded slightly and walked over to me and wrapped me up in a big hug. It kinda surprised me, Mark has never really been a touchy-feely kinda guy. I wrapped my arms around him and tried to comfort him and figure out what was eatting him. Eventually he let go and stood back, his eyes were slightly wet.

"Sorry Jared, have fun tonight okay, I'll catch you later." He said and with that he was gone. I stood there in the lounge room feeling very lost, very confused and more so, very alone.

When Sharna re-emerged, I was still standing there. I guess I had kinda tranced.

"Jared, are you okay hun?" She asked, towelling down her hair.

"Huh? Oh yeah, you look fine." I told her, starting to snap out of it.

"Okay what's up, you told me I looked fine when I asked how you were."

"Oh, it's nothing Sharna, I was just space cadeting it."

"Really? Duh, would never have known. Why?"

"I dunno, before he left, Mark gave me this really big cuddle and looked like he was about to cry as he left."

"Oh duh, he worships the ground you walk on. Now Ryan is here and whatever, he probably feels his position in your life is threatened."

"But he's straight."

"Is he?"

"He told me."

"He's closet."

"How do you know?"

"Stands out like a straight guy in a gay club."

"You are such a fag hag."

"You are so my bitch." We had our usual little banter and I looked at her.

"You really think he's gay?"

"I do, give him time." Sharna suggested, shrugging I took her word for it and headed off to get changed.

Looking through my wardrobe, I decided that for a gay guy, my taste in clothes kinda sucks. My thoughts again turned to Mark. Could he really be gay? He said he liked it when I held him that morning, made him feel loved? That was kinda weird for one guy to tell another. Especially a straight guy to tell a gay guy. I shrugged and passed and went back to choosing what to wear. I finally decided on a blue button down and black pants. Heading into the shower, there were two men stuck in my mind, Ryan and Mark, and which one was really interested in me. When I was finally ready, I walked out and found Sharna sitting in a little slinky black number looking oh so divine... how unusual for her. Smiling she apraised me.

"Anyone would think you're trying to impress."

"Same could be said about you."

"I always look good."

"And I don't?"

"Well...."

"Oh come on Sharna, you know you want this body."

"Oh come on Jared, you know that deep down you're straight and want me."

"Never happen, I couldn't sleep with a woman, let alone you."

"Picture me with Mark's face." She grinned at me and I turned crimson red. She giggled and grabbed my hand.

"Come on, let's go see what this Ryan guy wants." She grinned and dragged me out the door.

When we arrived at the restraunt, we found Ryan waiting just inside the door. He hugged Sharna lightly hello and shook my hand as we were led to a table at the back and out of the way. I felt a touch uncomfortable. I mean, here was Matt's, who I never really liked, cousin taking us out to dinner. We all saat there with an arkward silence. Finally Sharna spoke up

"Matt never spoke of you."

"We had a falling out a few years ago, we were just starting to speak again. That's how I knew about you two."

"Oh, what did you fall out over?" Asked Sharna. Ryan sat there quietly for a few moments then answered.

"I told him something about me that he didn't like."

"What that you're gay?" I asked calmly. Ryan looked up at me in surprise.

"How did you? I mean..."

"No, Matt didn't tell us. I worked it out for myself. If you don't want people to know, stop hawk eyeing all the guys you see." I told him as he started to blush. Sharna and I looked at each other and grinned. A little while later while we were eatting Ryan spoke up again.

"Jared, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable with my...err... staring. It's just, Matt told me about you, only good things I can assure you, and well, he ... he actually suggested that he might try and ... ah..."

"He was going to try and set the two of you up?" Asked Sharna, again Ryan taught us the colour of red. I looked at Sharna

"Take it that's a yes." I grinned at Sharna who grinned back. Ryan sat there turning curious shades of red. I giggled and Sharna joined me, soon Ryan realised the comedy value of it all and joined in our laughing. The three of us, once we quietened down, suddenly felt a lot more comfortable in each other's presence. We sat there until about 10-ish and stood to leave, I reached for my wallet only to have Ryan stop me.

"Nah Jared, it's cool, I've got it." I was about to argue, I very much dislike having people pay for me when I can afford to pay for myself. I'm fiercely independant and that's honestly the way I like it, I don't want anyone else to look after me. I stopped being dependant a long time ago. My displeasure showed a little, but Sharna put her hand on my arm to let it pass. I guess I should have been thankful, but I wasn't. I don't like the feeling of dependency. I lost that feeling a long time ago when my family fell apart. My family had never been close. We generally did our own thing and were pretty low on ritual. My little sister died when I was 15 and we all lost contact and faith in who we were. My family doesn't exist. My mother and father divorced and I think my father re-married but I'm not sure. Like I said, we don't really exist to each other, we're related, but by name only.

From the time I was 15, I was a street rat, trying to find my way and make it through high school. I managed, somehow, I'm still trying to work out how I made it, but I did. I then went on and found myself some work so I could start to pay things. Got together enough money to get a flat and advertised for a room mate and got hit with Sharna. Not that I'm complaining, she's been excellent to live with. She tried to mother me at the start but soon learnt that doing that only gets me pissed off. She never tried it again. We have a rule, live and let live. I've made it this far on my own, and I'm happy this way. I guess people can look at this and think 'oh poor little Jared' and I can't stop them, but to me it was character building. All things are hard before they are easy... life is no different. I'm a better stronger person for all the bullshit, I don't feel like I'm lowered in any way, maybe a little more alone, but no lower. Anyways, enough about my past, but now ya know it... it's fucked up huh?!

Ryan paid for dinner and we walked outside. He turned and looked at us.

"Would you mind if we caught up again tomorrow or something?" He asked shyly. Sharna looked at me.

"I guess that would be cool. I don't have plans."

"I'll be sleeping, I've got to work tonight." I threw in.

"Really? Where do you work?" Ryan asked.

"Behind the bar at the Wickham." I told him. Ryan nodded and shrugged.

"Okay, well, Sharna, would you mind if I came around and kept you company? Reese and Ava are flying out tomorrow morning and I don't leave for another week or so. I don't want to hang around Matt's apartment or my aunt and uncles." He told us. Sharna nodded.

"That'd be cool. Do you know where we live?" She asked. Ryan nodded in affirmation.

"Well, come over after you've dropped of Reese and Ava if you want." Ryan nodded again and we all said our goodbyes. Sharna and I climbed into my car and we sped off home.

Walking in the front door, I was surprised to find Mark sitting at the table with a beer in his hand. He stood up as we entered.

"Mark? What are you doing here? Actually, how did you get in?" I asked.

"I'm here to see how tonight went for you two and as for getting in, you gave me a key remember." He said poking his tongue at me. I shrugged and headed for my room to get ready for work.

As I searched for my work shirt I heard my bedroom door close behind me. Turning around I saw Mark standing there.

"Mark, are you okay?"

"I don't know Jared. I honestly don't know." I walked over to him and lifted his chin so he looked me in the eye.

"Mark?" His response was to throw his arms around me and bury his face in my chest. Carefully I wrapped my arms around him and held him, trying to sooth him. I felt something wet upon my chest. To my shock, it dawned on me that Mark was crying. Very silently, but crying. Gently I pulled him a little closer and kissed him on the top of his head. Carefully I led him over to the bed and sat him down and just held him. Finally, he cried himself to sleep and I laid him back in my bed and pulled the covers up over him and got changed for work.

Walking out of my room I saw Sharna sitting at the table with a coffee in her hand.

"You okay Sharna?" I asked.

"Mark has problems."

"I know, he just cried himself to sleep."

"Did he tell you anything?"

"No. Why what's wrong?"

"It's not for me to say. I'll let him tell you in his own time."

"Okay, well, I gotta go to work. Mark is asleep in my bed at the moment." Sharna nodded and I grabbed my keys and left.

I'd no sooner signed on and walked out into the bar area when I was besieged by all my regulars who were waiting for their drinks. Smiling, I set about pouring everyone's drinks and taking their cash and handing out change. There was a small gap in the flow of customers and I stood back and took a breath. Walking down to the end of the bar, I could see someone standing there.

"What can I get you bud... Ryan?" Ryan looked and smiled shyly at me.

"Well, I was going to say, you could get me a vodka and orange and maybe a date with you tomorrow night to the movies?"

--- Oooooh! Cliffhanger! Well not really. Hope you liked it. Feedback -= jellybeanking@hotmail.com =- Hugs kisses and jellybeans SC.