Disclaimer: Anything mentioned in this story is complete fiction. The sexuality of anyone in the story is not necessarily true, but just written to entertain. If you are underage or if it is illegal to read pornographic material where you live, please leave now. Also, if you are uncomfortable with gay relationships, you should not read any further. For everyone else, enjoy the show...
Chapter 3
Surprisingly enough, as soon as I got off the phone with Anna all thoughts of Michael drifted to the back of mind. I wished they would disappear for good, but then that must be where that old cliche comes in; we don't always get what we wish for. Honestly just thinking of meeting up with Joshua again later that night made me a little loopy. Not only was he starting to erase the painful memory of an ex-lover but I was literally acting like a school girl on prom night. That may not be exactly how you would like to perceive me, but as I told you in the beginning I am going to be one hundred percent honest with you, even if it means looking like an idiot in your eyes for a moment or two.
With that said, back to the story.
I think in all of my life I've never had so much trouble picking out something to wear. I stood in front of my duffel bag letting my fingers slide over the one pair of ripped paint splattered jeans that I had thrown in hastily trying not to miss my later delayed flight. They were almost identical to the ones I was already wearing, except for a few more splashes of red oil based paint, so it wouldn't really change my look much. The few t-shirts I had tossed into the mix weren't helping the situation out either. If you haven't already noticed I'm not really a fashion connoisseur of any kind.
I had never been to a concert in my life, let alone been the personal guest of one of the performers. I was at a loss to say the least.
After pondering clothing for quite some time, three to five minutes; yes that's long for me. I decided to go with what I already had on. If he had a problem with the way I dressed it probably wasn't going to work out anyway.
As the hours crawled by I milled around my hotel room trying to concentrate on anything but the growing anticipation in the pit of my stomach. It wasn't butterflies per say, it felt more like a torrent of bats running into each other in the dark enclave tearing and ripping at each other's flesh while I paced back and forth.
I tried to sketch, tried being the operative word. My mind was a buzz of thoughts and small scenes being played out. What was the night supposed to mean anyway? Was it really a date, obviously not in the traditional sense, but would it end like one? I hadn't been on one for so long that I really was unsure what to do. It was probably like riding the proverbial bicycle, but one was never quite sure.
The hour to leave was approaching so I decided to take a book down to the lobby and wait for my ride. I felt strange sitting there in the large sparkling room. The white and gray marbled floors echoed loudly under the constant stream of young women in stiletto heels that filed in with their fathers, or lovers it was hard to tell at times. But I guess that is Beverly Hills, or so I'm told.
I continued to pseudo interpret my novel, which I'm not certain I ever actually read a word of in my life or even remember the title or premise that had made my eyes go wide with wonder and awe when I first picked it up. Isn't it strange how something can catch your attention and make you love it but only for a few moments before you forget you ever saw or heard of it? I guess that is the moral of this letter in a round about way. Please cherish things and people, to your best ability. You'll never know when you'll make that subconscious decision to push them out of your life forever.
At some point I finally did discard the book, as I did a lot of things in the next few months.
I could feel my heart start to pound faster as a man in a neatly pressed, most likely ridiculously expensive suit, made his way over to me.
"Josiah?" he asked with a much deeper voice then I had expected.
"Yes," I said standing. I guessed that was it, no turning back. I was stepping into the unknown once again. Of course now that I look back on it, starting out in a new country and getting into a limo for a concert weren't even close in comparison, but you tend to overreact when you're hyperventilating.
Whenever I was in a limo, which I could actually count the times on one hand, it always reminded me of the first time. It was truly a magical experience. Not only was I with the most beautiful man I had ever seen in my life but I was also in this huge car. There were so many strange things to explore. There was a television; I had never seen a television in a car before. And a bar, I had my first taste of alcohol right there in that limo. That was definitely a night of firsts though. My first kiss with a man and the first time I ever...well you get the idea. Limos always bring me back to a place I'll never want to forget, no matter how horrible the next year or so was. That was my one perfect night on the town. It was the feeling, not the company that I longed for and I was grateful for that.
The drive was short, to short for my liking but I stepped out of my carriage and was greeted by the smiling face of the driver, whose name alludes me at the moment, and a small two story building. The outside was dirty and dusty, I immediately recognized this to be an area I should be most comfortable. Every city has an art district with old antique buildings, theatres, and music halls; apparently Los Angeles was no different.
I walked towards the entrance to the small theatre passing a few people standing out front laughing as wisps of smoke swirled around them.
There were no long lines or huge crowds. It was a relaxed and calming atmosphere, something I had no idea existed in the music world of the new millennium.
I made my way to a small woman sitting in an old movie theatre ticket booth. It was beautifully painted a shining gold metallic, its ornate carvings all standing out proudly to be admired. She smiled warmly at me probably expecting me to hand her my ticket.
"My name is Josiah. I think I'm supposed to be on some list?" I asked, hoping I was giving the correct information.
She ran her bright red finger nail along a piece of paper and then smiled back up at me.
"There you are," she said tapping the paper for me to see. "Give this to the man at the door and wear this around your neck to get backstage."
She passed a ticket stub and a laminated black card attached to a lanyard through the arch in the bottom of the glass.
"Have a wonderful time," she said as I gathered up my passes.
"Thank you," I smiled.
As I walked into the building I placed the black and red pass around my neck and tossed my long hair back to free it from the cord. When I looked up I was greeted by the smiling faces of every musician you could imagine. The lobby walls were adorned with hundreds of photos ranging from Frank Sinatra to the Beatles to Nine Inch Nails. They were all taken on the same stage, which had not changed at all through the decades. The only thing that progressed was the people, with a range of hip and trendy hairstyles for their time and clothes to match. I stood there mesmerized by the smiling faces shown under scribbled autographs. Was Joshua really in this league? I had never thought for a moment that he was a serious musician. I mean he was in a boy band for some time. Suddenly I realized how silly I was being. Who was I to judge him or his music?
I shook off my holier then thou attitude and moved farther into the building, ready to explore what lay inside. After seeing the great people who had played there before I was actually interested in Joshua's music. I have to admit, at first glance, I thought he was just a pretty face. I was hoping he would prove me wrong.
The main room, which was two stories and shaped like a dome, was just as historic and beautiful as the rest of the building. There was standing room only on the large polished dance floor on the bottom floor and at the top there was reserved balcony seating complete with small cafe style tables and chairs. This room was also decorated with photographs of years passed but all of these were shots of bands and solo artists performing.
There was a pretty big group of people on the main floor, already squeezed close to the stage to get as close as possible to the action. I chose to make my way upstairs and, with a few flashes of my all access pass, got a seat on the side right above the stage.
I looked down anticipating the main event as the opening act finished up. Everyone clapped and screamed loudly probably more excited about what was to come then what they had just heard.
The lights dimmed as the band made their way onto the stage. From my vantage point I could see Joshua standing right behind the big red velvet curtain, most likely waiting for his cue. Even from a distance and in the lack of light he looked gorgeous. He glanced up in my general direction and then back at the stage. I wondered if he had seen me but was just trying to keep his focus for the task at hand. I had no idea exactly what was going to happen and how much concentration he would need for it. I definitely didn't want to distract him but I couldn't keep my eyes off of his toned silhouette.
The lights on the stage brightened as the band started to play and Joshua hopped out from behind the curtain singing to the music. His eyes drifted back up to the balcony as he crossed the stage towards me. Our eyes met and I couldn't help but smile. My heart felt like it was going to flip in my chest. He smiled back at me and winked as he turned his attention back to the writhing crowd in front of him.
There was something about the way he moved and gyrated back and forth across the stage that made me want him so bad. It wasn't purely a sexual feeling, although there was a lot of that racing through my veins at the time. I wanted to take care of him. I wanted to hold him and kiss him and love him forever; make him feel safer and more loved then he has ever felt in his entire life. Honestly, I wanted him to do the same to me. As I spent more time watching him it was less about having a possible one night stand and more about having a possible relationship. I never thought I could feel that way again. But there I was sitting in a dark ancient theatre in the middle of Los Angeles and I was falling in love with a man I had just met the night before.
When that realization hit me I didn't know what to do. I wanted to cry, jump for joy, and run down there and kiss him all at the same time. It took all of my effort to keep myself planted in my seat. I had to keep telling myself to keep a clear head. I knew it wasn't going to do any good, but I needed my brain to take control of my heart for a little while so I wouldn't get hurt again. I couldn't deal with that. Not that soon.
I studied every one of Joshua's movements as he talked animatedly to the crowd between songs. His words were so soft and light compared to his singing voice which was more powerful than I thought anyone's voice could be. His ballads were filled with so much love and heartache at the same time, which made me long to hear more of them. I wanted him to sing me to sleep every night.
The lights on the stage went out again. I missed his last words while I was day dreaming about lazy Sunday mornings lying in bed with his lips whispering soft songs into my ear.
The performance had gone as quickly as it had come. It felt like I had been watching him for only a few moments when he was suddenly snatched away from me.
As the house lights went on and the concert goers began to slowly file out of the venue, I wondered what my next move should be. As I pondered the question there was suddenly pressure on my shoulder which startled me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see Joshua clad in a baseball cap pulled low over his eyes, but still wearing his performance clothes, standing by my side.
He smiled down at me, "Come backstage with me?"
I nodded and followed his lead down the stairs.
"How did you like the show?" he asked as we brushed passed the stage crew and a few guys I recognized as members of the band.
"It was wonderful," I said not able to contain my enjoyment. I just couldn't stop smiling.
He glanced up at me, squinting slightly like he usually did and then smiled as well. "Glad you enjoyed it."
"You have a beautiful voice," I said letting it slip from my lips before I could stop the gushing.
"Thank you," he said quietly, this time without meeting my eyes as we turned down a hallway. He opened a door with his name printed in neat letters and let me pass him.
I walked into the small room and was surprised that it looked exactly like the dressing rooms on television. There was a large vanity set up to one side with large light bulbs surrounding the mirror. He even had a few vases filled with red roses scattered around the room to finish off the effect. I sat down on the soft blue couch against the wall as he took a seat across from me in one of the arm chairs.
"What did you want to do tonight?" he asked taking off his hat and running his fingers through his thick hair. "Are you hungry?"
"Yeah I haven't eaten since breakfast."
"Really? Me neither. Where did you want to go?"
"You can pick. I don't know the area very well."
"Actually I'm pretty beat. After performing I never want to be around people."
"Oh," I said wondering why he would invite me out if he didn't want to do anything.
"Why don't we go back to the hotel and just order room service or something? Maybe watch a movie?" he asked hopefully.
"Sounds perfect," I said finally leaning back into the sofa. I had been so nervous and kind of tense when we were first in the room alone together. Now I was more relaxed but just being in his presence was making me want to be closer to him.
"We can go now," he said standing. "I'll shower at the hotel."
Just the thought of him taking a nice hot steamy shower was enough to get me moving. As the limo driver took us back to our home away from home I looked at him closely. He had been talking about anything and everything but the concert since we left his dressing room. Actually I didn't even recall saying two words. All I could think about was how great his performance had been. I had so many questions and so many comments about it but there was nowhere in the conversation to segway into anything I wanted to say so I just let him talk.
I could tell he was fairly comfortable with me by the way he laughed. But like me it still took his body a little while to relax. The limo came to a stop at a red light as he finished with his explanation of why his hotel room was going to be so messy. His muscles loosened up as he leaned back against the cool leather seat.
I was still looking at him intently, thoughts spinning through my head like usual. He glanced up at me, silence clinging to the inside of the large car. Ours eyes locked, which wasn't but so hard since we were sitting fairly close to each other even though there was ample room. My eyes slid down to his full pink lips. They shined in the gentle glow of the lights surrounding us over head. I could almost feel heat radiating off of them as our faces got closer. I closed my eyes, praying I still knew what I was doing, when the side door opened. We both jerked away from each other as the street lights splashed over us.
Joshua quickly exited the limo, gave the driver a tip and a thank you, and headed towards the lobby doors. I followed him, wondering if we would ever get back the moment we had just lost. He opened the door, again letting me pass first, and we made our way through the lobby.
As we walked the winding rose adorned pathway to his room I took in a deep breath of crisp night air.
He looked at me, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," I said smiling down at him. "Just breathing."
He laughed as he unlocked his door, "That's good to hear."
"Do you have anymore shows in Los Angeles?" I asked as we entered.
"No that was my last one," he said flipping on a few lights and then taking a seat next to me on the couch. "Why?"
"I was just wondering. Where are you going next?"
"Back home. This was just sort of a one time thing. I guess my real tour will be starting sometime next summer."
"I'd like to see one of your other shows sometime. I really enjoyed this one."
"Really?" he asked tilting his head to the side as he looked deep into my eyes.
"Yes of course, I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."
"I was really scared," he said quietly.
"Of what?"
He shrugged, "What if no one had liked me by myself?"
"But they did," I said placing my hand over his. "They loved you."
"Thank you," he said squeezing it. "I'm glad you were there. It really helped."
"Did it?" I asked laughing.
"Yeah, whenever I felt nervous I looked up at you. Just having you there made me feel more comfortable. I almost felt like I didn't care what other people thought, as long as you were having a good time."
"Well I had a great time. And everyone else did too. I couldn't even tell you were nervous. You looked like you belonged up there and you sounded like it too. When I told you earlier that you have a beautiful voice I wasn't just being nice."
"I wasn't sure."
"I meant it. I think you have a great solo career ahead of you."
"Thanks," he said squeezing my hand again. "You have no idea what that means to me to hear you say that. I was actually trying to avoid the whole talking about the show thing, if you didn't notice."
"Why?"
"I just...I don't know, I guess I think a lot of your opinion. That might sound weird since we've only known each other like a day but I was scared you would just be polite but secretly hate it."
"You're crazy," I said simply.
He laughed, "Yeah I am about this. I mean, singing is my life. It's all I've really known and this just feels like such a big leap to me. I just wanted you to like it."
"Well I loved it."
"Good because if you didn't I'd have to kill you," he said winking at me. "Now that all of that is taken care of, what are we having for dinner? I'm starved."
"Your choice."
"I'm not even sure what you like. Hamburgers?"
"I'm a vegetarian," I said almost apologetically for some reason. I've always had a hard time shooting down one of Joshua's suggestions.
"That doesn't sound like a good fit then. How long?"
"How long for what?" I asked shaking away the thoughts that flew into my mind as I stared at the curve of his lower back as he reached for the room service menu.
"Being a vegetarian," he said flipping through it slowly.
"Oh," I said thinking a second, "about sixteen years I guess."
"Really?" he asked looking up from the red velvet covered menu. "How old are you?"
"Twenty six. You?"
"Twenty four. You haven't eaten meat since you were ten?"
"Yep."
"Why?"
"My mom. She was a huge activist of every kind so it just sort of came with the territory."
As you may have already guessed I wasn't exactly telling him the whole story, which hopefully by the time you read this letter I would have had the nerve to fill you in on. But, it isn't really the type of story you just blurt out on a whim. I figured it would just take time to be able to tell him something that personal, it always did.
"I think you should pick then," he said handing me the menu. "I'll eat whatever you order."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," he said standing. "I'm going to go take a quick shower and change."
"Okay," I said, secretly wondering if he needed any company.
While he was gone I did less looking at the menu and more going through the living room and looking at the many framed pictures he had scattered around. They were all pictures of the same few people; an older couple whom I assumed were his parents, a picture of a few guys standing around a pool table looking as though they were having a pretty good time, and a few of a younger boy and girl probably about four or five. All of the pictures of the guys were very casual candid shots that, to me seemed very artistically done in their black and white formats. I picked up one and studied the small faces staring back at me with laughter plastered on them like masks.
It was a little odd to me seeing something like that. I never had many friends. Okay truthfully Ahnna has been my only friend since I could remember. I never really understood the camaraderie men could share with each other in a non-sexual manner. It was the most foreign thing in the world to me but I had never felt like I had been missing anything at all. Not until that one picture. It encompassed everything I had missed out on in my childhood. I wanted to have that tight knit bond that I saw there in their one dimensional world.
I was startled out of my thoughts by a hand on my arm, making me almost drop the golden framed photograph.
"You sure do have a way of sneaking up on me," I said turning to face Joshua.
"Sorry," he said lowering his eyes to my hands that were still grasping the picture.
My own eyes lowered to his shirtless form standing right in front of me. His body was slight but well toned and looked rock hard. My mouth opened slightly as my green eyes ticked down his smooth chest to his rippled stomach. The jeans he was wearing clung to his lower body, showing off all of the right places. I guessed I had inadvertently wandered into the bedroom while I looked at the framed pieces of his soul.
"I was just looking around," I said handing the photo to him.
"No problem." The tone was different in his voice, softer almost, as he sat the picture on the dresser behind him.
He looked up at me as he pushed off of the dresser, causing us to become even closer.
My fingertips burned, I wanted to touch him so bad. I figured I didn't have much to lose, considering the fact there was a chance we'd probably never see each other again so I leaned down and pressed my lips against his.
It was a soft sensual kiss, our lips sucking, our tongues melding together. My hands finally got to rest themselves on the beautiful man standing in front of me. I ran my fingers through his thick dark brown hair, pulling his lips closer to mine. I wanted to taste as much of him in my mouth as was humanly possible. His lips were so sweet I thought I would never get enough of him.
The way his hands slowly ran up and down my back made me feel like I could stay in his embrace forever. It was such a calming gesture when everything else that was going on was so overwhelming.
I kissed him one last time before finally releasing his lips from their capture.
"I came to get a shirt," he said quietly, still tight in my embrace.
"What?" I asked, my brain unable to comprehend anything other than the fact that he smelled so delicious.
"That's why I came out here, to get a shirt."
"Oh," I said my grip around him loosening.
"Screw it," he said kissing me. It was more eager this time. His hands grasped my face, pulling me into him, as he led me backward.
I felt something soft hit the back of legs and we both tumbled down to the bed. Every touch and every kiss that night was electric. I hadn't felt that way in years. I had forgotten it could feel like that. His body was so hot against mine, making me feel like I would burst into flames at any moment. The funny thing was that I really could have cared less if I had. What a way to go.
It felt like we laid there for hours making love and after looking at the clock I hadn't been to far off in my assumption.
"You could literally go all night couldn't you," he whispered in my ear as he took it between his teeth.
"I would try with you," I smiled.
He laughed as he rested his head on my chest. "I'm still hungry," he said.
"I never ordered dinner."
"I gathered as much," he said fingers up and down my chest.
"What do you propose we do?"
"A late night snack?" he asked, aqua marine eyes sparkling in the moon light.
"I thought I already had one," I said kissing him.
"You're hilarious." He kissed me back and then reached over my body for the phone. "What are you in the mood for?" he asked as he dialed *1 for room service.
"You," I said kissing and sucking on his neck.
He giggled, "Be serious for one second. What about a fruit and cheese platter?"
"Sounds delicious," I said more concerned with how soft his back felt against my wandering hands then the fact that I didn't eat cheese.
After he ordered, with a few interruptions from me, we continued kissing until there was a knock at the door. I couldn't remember the last time I made out with someone for thirty minutes straight. Kissing was definitely becoming one of my favorite things with Joshua.
As we ate, still lying in bed together feeding each other small pieces of food, I felt more relaxed then I had in a really long time. Oddly enough I wasn't worried about what was to come, though. It didn't even cross my mind that this particular encounter could be the start or the finish of something really meaningful. I didn't think about whether he was already involved with someone back home, or if I would ever get to meet those two older people from the photo I assumed were his parents. I was actually living in the present. I hadn't done that since I had first arrived in New York, many years before. I had no regrets or second thoughts. I slept like a baby that night.
~~*
I woke up slowly, basking in the feeling of warmth encircling my body. When my eyes opened all of the memories of the night before came flooding through my mind and I smiled. I looked down at the warm body laying on my chest, his eyes closed, his face so peaceful. Waking up with someone special in your arms is truly the only way to start your day.
I glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand and was surprised to see that I had slept peacefully throughout the night. This whole scenario was something I felt like I could get used to very quickly.
I reached for the phone, trying to move as little as possible. I didn't want to disturb the gorgeous man nuzzled in my chest but I had to check my messages. I had the feeling Ahnna was really worried about me, or at the most extremely curious about where I was all night; either of which could be detrimental when it came to her.
As I suspected there were four messages from her outlining my thoughts exactly. I went through the first three smiling; she had such a way with words sometimes. The fourth I figured would be like the rest and I almost didn't bother listening to it when I heard a familiar male voice.
My eyes widened as I stared out into space blankly, letting the words he spoke roll over me. There were so many questions running through my mind I could barely concentrate on what he was saying. How did he know where I was? Ahnna would have never told him. But I guessed that he was such a powerful man that if he wanted to know something bad enough, it would be handed to him on a silver platter within the hour.
It was odd hearing his voice in that context, not only because I had just slept with another man and was still cuddling with him, but because he didn't have the angry biting tone to his voice that I had become all to use to hearing. He sounded, dare I say, almost pleasant. He wanted me to come back to New York soon, and above all safely. I swallowed hard, wondering what I should do. There was no doubt in my mind, or anyone else's that knew the situation, Michael and I were still in love.
We always were but there were just so many obstacles standing in our way, mainly his temper and ego. What if he had really changed though? I hadn't heard him speak to me like that in, wow, since we first met I guessed. And even then his arrogant personality shined through at some point. Maybe it was really going to be different that time. My flight was leaving at three that afternoon anyway. Most likely, making an earlier one wouldn't take all that much effort.
I looked down at Joshua who had stirred slightly in his sleep. I wondered if this whole thing had really been a one night stand. If so, shouldn't I be the one who says good bye first? Or better yet just disappear into the night, well the morning? It wasn't in my character at all to do something like that. But then again I wasn't the type of person to sleep with a guy I had only known for a day, either. I tried to contemplate the situation as best I could with thoughts of Michael and I being able to spend the rest of our lives together in utter happiness like I had always planned. Being polite just wasn't out weighing that at the time.
I quickly slipped from underneath my gorgeous companion figuring he would be happy to see me already gone when he woke up. After all, he was a musician and they're known for these sorts of trysts. Or at least that's what I told myself as I dressed quickly and quietly. Oddly enough I was able to find everything in record time, including my room key, which I took as a sign.
I looked towards the bed one last time before slipping out of the bedroom and then the hotel room altogether. I would probably be on a plane back to New York before he even woke up. At the time I thought that was a good thing. I was very naive.
**Feel free to send any comments or criticisms to Shannon S bluewritergrl@yahoo.com they are very much appreciated. **