Soul Mates
"What happened to you last night?" Tocho inquired anxiously. "Benny brought you to our teepee early in the morning. You were delirious and mumbling something about 'one thing missing, one thing missing'. Benny said you'd be okay, but I was still worried because you were really out of it, and because of those bruises on your wrists and the scratches on your chest. You looked like you'd been in the middle of a cat fight."
It was nearly noon, and Tocho had found me sitting on the ground outside our teepee. I was having a late breakfast thanks to Tocho's mom, who had saved some food for me from the pow wow communal meal. I'd washed up and treated the scratches and abrasions with some ointment Benny had given me. Benny assured me the remedy, made from native plants by Grandfather, would heal the wounds quickly. I hoped he was correct because my injuries would be difficult to explain to my parents.
"Thanks for being concerned, bro. Did Benny tell you anything else?"
Tocho squatted beside me. "I begged him to tell me what happened, but he wouldn't do it. He told me not to worry about it, that it was an experience you had to go through by yourself to become a true American Indian, and you'd done it by choice. I wanted to hang around until you woke up this morning, but Benny wouldn't let me. He said you had to be alone to understand the experience, and you needed to talk with him first."
Benny had reminded me that the identity of shape-shifters needed to be kept secret, and I should say as little as possible until he and I talked with Grandfather. However, I wasn't going to leave Tocho completely in the dark.
"Right now, I can't tell you much more than what Benny told you. Your description of being in a cat fight isn't far from wrong because our spirit guide was involved. It was a little-known ritual which resulted in a change in my DNA and gave me true Indian heritage. That's all I can tell you right now, and you gotta keep what Benny said and what I just told you to yourself. It's up to Grandfather now to decide what can be made public."
"Where did you get that armband?" Tocho wanted to know.
"It was a gift," I replied, still concentrating on satisfying my hunger.
"Who from?" It was more like a demand than a question, with tones of jealousy and insecurity.
I looked up from my breakfast. Silent tears were running down Tocho's cheeks.
"It's okay, Tocho!" I exclaimed, setting my food aside and pulling him onto my lap in a close embrace. "I'm gonna be okay, and there's no one nearly as important to me as you are. And what happened last night is gonna make a very positive difference in our lives, both yours and mine. You gotta trust me. I can't tell you any more right now."
"I was so worried last night," Tocho sobbed. "I held your hand and felt nothing. You didn't respond at all. I was afraid you were gonna die, and I couldn't do anything about it."
I was astounded. Tocho, who was the leader, decision-maker, and teacher in spite of being a year younger, who was always so confident and self-assured about everything, had a side I'd never seen. Mom was absolutely right. He loved me as much as I loved him. Probably more.
"Well, I'm very much here with you, bro," I assured him, wiping the tears from his cheeks. "And there's even more of me than there was before. Please don't be upset. It's all gonna work out perfectly, I promise you."
"I'm sorry," he said sadly. "I think I made a fool of myself."
I held him even more tightly. "You did no such thing! You showed me how much you love me, and there's nothing foolish about that. Now, let's go watch the dancing. The little kids are performing today. Maybe we can find one to adopt."
His dark eyes looked carefully into mine. "You really mean that, don't you?"
I grinned at him. "These kids all have parents. But in a few years, I want for you and me to find one who doesn't."
He gave me the biggest hug ever. "Me too."
It was the right time. I put my lips on Tocho's and kissed him, at first tenderly, and then with increasing intensity. Surprised at first, Tocho quickly began to respond.
I pulled back and grinned at him. "Kissing may not be a part of our cultural heritage, but culture changes. Things are sometimes introduced by other cultures. I think we'll be kissing more in the future."
I woke up early the next morning in the familiar comfort of Tocho's bed. My spirit guide was summoning me to the clearing again. This time the silent message came from within, and there was no sense of urgency.
Curled up beside me with one arm over my chest, Tocho still slept soundly. Carefully extracting myself, I put on my breechcloth and moccasins. I reached for my necklace, but it wasn't on the nightstand where I'd left it. Tocho must have moved it. I would find it later.
I quietly slipped out of the house into the cool morning air. In the half-light of early dawn, I followed the trail to the clearing. A lone coyote wandered across the meadow, partially obscured by the low-lying fog. As I shivered in the cold, the sun rose suddenly behind me, bringing light and warmth to the ethereal beauty in front of me.
The sun warmed my back as I sat down on my favorite rock by the murmuring creek. For several minutes, I watched the beauty of the day unfold before me. Pueo spoke to me from the nearby woods. A raven called from the sky above and, as if on cue, the Ghost Cat appeared across the water, looked into my eyes, and delivered his silent message directly into my mind.
Before you knew me, your intuition identified this as your sacred place. Although I am now with you always, you will forever be closest to me here, where your awareness of what you could be began. You are now one with me, and nothing is missing from your capacity to grow in knowledge and wisdom. Honor your parents, who love you and will support and strengthen you on your life journey. Give love and understanding to your mate, who cares for you beyond his capacity to reveal it. Guide and protect the next generation. Continue to seek guidance from your mentor, who is wise beyond his years. But also come here when you need my counsel, and it will be given to you.
The Ghost Cat drank from the creek and then disappeared, as if he were part of the rising mist.
As the sun rose in the sky and the mist slowly faded away, I reflected on what I'd been told. I was left with a much greater appreciation for all the important people in my life, and an understanding that my spirit guide would be much more than I'd imagined.
A shadow appeared next to mine. I turned my head and found that Tocho had silently joined me.
"Benny asked me to find you and bring you to Grandfather. He wants to speak with us."
I'd expected the summons, but only for myself. "Both of us?"
"Both of us."
We found Grandfather seated in a wooden rocking chair, dozing in the sun in front of his home. I wondered how we would politely make our presence known, but that wasn't necessary. Not only did some sixth sense tell him we were there, but he knew who we were without any announcement from us. Benny came out of Grandfather's house and took up a position at his side.
"Come close, my grandsons, and sit in front of me so that I may touch both of you."
Tocho and I sat cross-legged on a woven mat which had been placed in front of Grandfather's chair. Grandfather leaned forward and put a hand on each of our heads. After a couple of minutes, he spoke.
"Pahana, you are now one of the people. Benny has spoken of it, and I feel it in your spirit. I will make it known among the people. You must explain to Tocho how this happened, but no one else may know of the rite you endured to become what you are today. There are many ways to become one of the people, and no one will question you about your own path. The armband you were given should be worn at all times to remind the people and yourself that you are one of us."
"Pahana, I know it has long been your desire to become one of the people. But you must treat this as a beginning, not an end. I tell you again, you have strong medicine, and you will become a great leader among our people. Continue on your journey, and seek guidance from both of your spirit guides, and from the Great Spirit, as you walk your path."
"Tocho, you must hold nothing of Pahana's experience against him. It was done with my approval and in accordance with the traditions of the people, and it was necessary so that Pahana could become one of us."
"Tocho and Pahana, you are each individually of two spirits, but together you are united as one. You have my blessing to be joined in life, as are any two of our people who love each other as you do."
"Pahana, your mother gave you two tokens of her love for you and of her understanding of your love for Tocho." A smile briefly crossed his face. "You must forgive me for having asked Benny to obtain them without your knowledge."
Benny handed Grandfather the two necklaces my mother had purchased when she and I visited the American Indian Cultural Institute. I now understood why they'd gone missing during the night. As his apprentice, Benny served Grandfather in many ways, some of them slightly unethical, it seemed.
Grandfather carefully placed one necklace around Tocho's neck and the other around mine. Placing his hands on our heads again, he continued. "Tocho and Pahana, these were given to you in love, and you should wear them at all times to remind yourselves and those around you of your love for each other."
"Benny is witness to what I have spoken. He and I will make all of this known to the people. Pahana, you may share what I have said with your parents when the time is right, and in a manner which will provide them no cause for distress. Now, go silently and in peace, my grandsons, and live the lives your spirits have chosen for you."
Tocho and I left silently, as instructed. Hand in hand, we returned to the clearing. Sitting side by side on a rock next to the murmuring creek, his hand still in mine, I told Tocho everything about my experience at the pow wow.
Tocho was given a medical release for his ankle, and several perfect August days were spent making up for lost time. There was fishing, swimming, and listening to nature to be done before school started and the weather turned cold. We alternated between staying at Tocho's home, my home, or camping out in the clearing. Just the two of us.
Mom relinquished her kitchen to Tocho and me twice to prepare our specialty of pan-fried fresh-caught trout with rice and a green salad. On another night Tocho's parents joined us, and Tocho grilled venison steaks from his parents' freezer while I made a salad and prepared corn on the cob from our garden. Dessert was a pie Tocho and I made earlier in the day from fresh Indian Heaven huckleberries.
I watched happily as my parents bonded with Tocho. The labels Mom and Dad were now universally applied by both of us to his parents and mine. Our relationship quickly became clear to Dad, perhaps with a little guidance from Mom, but without any fanfare. One night as we finished dinner, Dad diplomatically raised the subject.
"What are your plans for your future together?"
I replied without hesitation. "We plan to live together as... I suppose the best term would be 'life partners'... after we graduate from high school."
"Do you plan to be officially married, should that become an option?"
"Not necessarily. Tocho's grandfather has told me I am an American Indian, one of the people as he says, because of my experiences this summer. He also told Tocho and me that we are welcome to be a couple under the more accepting environment provided by the Indian community. We don't know yet what we'll do to make our arrangement legal, but we'll do something since we've talked about adoption."
Dad paused, before speaking to both of us. "I'm glad you've given it some thought. It's not a decision to be made lightly. This country has a long way to go on that issue."
"We understand that," Tocho responded. "We still have a few years of school left, and we'll be looking for advice from my parents and from the two of you as we go along."
Dad was silent for a few moments. "This isn't exactly how we expected Buddy to approach his future, but we want both of you to know you have our blessing. You are clearly meant for each other, and your happiness is our only concern."
Tears welled up in my eyes. I was glad Tocho had taken the lead in the conversation, because I wouldn't have been able to continue at that point. Tocho took my hand and squeezed it gently.
"I'm grateful for your blessing, as I was grateful for Grandfather's blessing. I know Pahana is, too. It's far from a normal situation for all of us. Thank you for allowing us to be who we are."
Early in the summer, Tocho had promised me a fall hike into the Indian Heaven Wilderness. It took place on a weekend in late September in the hazy warm fall weather commonly known as Indian summer. Following Tocho up the trail, I thought about what had happened since the first time I'd walked there. My world had changed completely in three short months. I had a new identity, an expanded family, a life partner, and a future I never would have anticipated.
When we finished our climb, the view was the same yet completely different. Now, the formerly-green meadows were tan or, where water had receded from marshy areas, a subtle rainbow of shades of green, yellow, orange and brown. The unique alpine forest smell was accompanied by the scent of over-ripe huckleberries warming in the sun. The low-lying huckleberry plants now had leaves of crimson, yellow, and orange, contrasting with the green heather intertwined with them. Only the fir trees and the lakes remained the same. It was a timeless beauty which I appreciated more than I had before, and I knew I would love it even more every time I came there.
A pair of ravens called to each other above us as we continued on our route to Blue Lake. Dropping our packs, we stripped and dove into water, which was even colder than what we had experienced earlier in the summer. Quickly returning to shore, we dried ourselves, dressed, and returned to set up our camp on a hillside above the lake. I had carried a lightweight tent. Tocho had carried our sleeping bag. The rest we had split between us, including a small bottle of red wine which Dad, to my complete astonishment, had stuffed into my pack at the trailhead.
The lake quickly yielded two nice trout for dinner, caught with fishing tackle more modern than what we used in the creek. Prepared in Tocho's usual manner, and accompanied by the wine, the trout tasted even better than at home.
A short evening stroll took us to the slightly smaller Lake Sahalee Tyee. Almost perfectly round, it was the remains of an ancient volcano and a sacred place for the American Indians. The still evening provided a perfect reflection of the low fall colors lining the far bank.
"I could stay here with you forever," I whispered to Tocho as we sat on a log holding hands and enjoying the view.
"There's two problems with that concept," Tocho replied, practical as always. "First, it's gonna be cold and dark real soon. Second, if we stay here too long, it's gonna snow."
I teased him. "You really know how to spoil a romantic moment."
"No, I'm trying to create a romantic moment," he replied with a grin. "It'll be equally romantic and a lot warmer in our sleeping bag."
I first noticed the moving reflection, and then glanced up to see the Ghost Cat watching us from across the lake. For a few moments, Tocho and I shared an experience we knew would be repeated often. The message was clear. Our spirit guide approved of our life together as well as our presence in his domain.
Then, as usual, the Ghost Cat silently disappeared. But now his spirit resided inside both of us, where it would guide us throughout our lives.
************************ Thanks to all of you who read this story. I hope you enjoyed the reading as much as I did the writing. A special thanks to those of you who took the time to share your thoughts and encouragement.
A special thank you to my content editor, Brayon, whose work you can also find on this site. The ideas he shared contributed greatly to the depth of the characters and the reality of the setting.
Thanks also to Flip McHooter, a long-time author here, who offered to edit my first effort long ago. Flip was a great help with my early writing education.
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