This story is a work of fiction. Any resemblances to any person, place, or written works are purely coincidental. It may contain consensual sex between young men. Do not read if you find that objectionable or if it is illegal for you to view this content for whatever the reason.
Copyright 2009 Jade. All Rights Reserved. Do not post, copy, or use this story in any manner without my permission.
Comments / criticism / feedback? Always love to hear from you at : phantomscorpio77@gmail.com.
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In This Cruel World
I hold Adam in my arms a lot of the night and wake with him spooning me. In the morning as we get ready for school we kiss a lot and are very touchy-feely. While we dress there's no humility, we've seen each other nude enough to be comfortable not covered up. But his body is pretty good and I can't help but look at him. Once dressed we kiss until my mother snaps us out of it, calling me and asking if I'm making breakfast before school.
At school Yvonne is a little more clingy to me than usual, sitting with Jase and I when we pick our way through Jeff Healey's cover of the Beatle's classic While My Guitar Gently Weaps'. I know that John and Paul were the big shots, but that song just shows how amazing the quiet Beatle' George Harrison was and is.
After school when I get home I discover my mom has already managed to wash Adam's clothes as well as mine that were discarded on Brennan's bed and the floor. Seriously, where do working mothers find the time? I put his stuff in my bag to take over to him later, except for his lucky drawers. Yes, the pink and white ones I gave him. He wore them in hopes of getting lucky with me and they worked. Now I am keeping them as a memento.
I don't have time to fret over my mom doing his laundry because I have a new job starting today. It's the first of the month and there is a meeting at my nearby hockey arena where I will be working this winter as a skate guard and general maintenance. What the titles boil down to is that I will be wearing a staff windbreaker and skating around with people at public skating and watching for kids horse-playing and assisting where needed. I have to take CPR and First Aid but don't really have to know them because if something happens my real instructions from my mom are to get an adult employee on hand and let them deal with it.
The second part of my job is to clean up the garbage left around in the hallways and dressing rooms, and lock and unlock them according to a posted schedule. Beyond that I am to do homework or sit with the other guys and play cards while hockey games are being played. No matter what my boss there says, my mom is his boss's boss, or even higher up than that, so what she tells me goes. So right after dinner Mom takes me to the orientation and sits in on it.
When I get home from the group orientation I have to get my skates and see if they fit. I grab all of my hockey gear out of our lock-up down in the sub-basement and see what fits for this upcoming season. Benji and I already have try-outs this coming weekend for our house league's rep team, and we are also trying out for the hub team that Ryan and Zach play on. I find that I need new elbow pads and shin pads, and my skates are too small too.
Benji has mostly the same needs so the next day our dads take us to a sporting goods store that only sells hockey stuff. Like always we make sure to buy the same brands so that we match completely. Right down to our skates we are the exact same size for everything this year! The only difference between our equipment is that I put number 12 on my labels and he puts number 21 on his. Number 12 is for Adam Oates. For an old dude he's hot, and he's the best face-off man and playmaker in the league in my humble opinion. Number 21 is for us, so that Benji and I are two sides of the same coin.
Try-outs go great for both of us and we make both teams. As autumn rolls along hockey seems to be the most time Benji and I spend together. At one point he and I go three plus weeks for the first time without hooking up. I get it; he likes to play with his girlfriend that way while Yvonne's latest project is to teach me German.
Since she turned me on to Rammstein she's helped me learn all the lyrics and what they mean. Somehow I am getting pretty good at it so she's been teaching me more, going off a self-help book we picked up at Chapters. Life is good; my girlfriend teaches me languages and my secret boyfriend Adam teaches me that guy on guy sex is great.
Yvonne also told me she's accepted that I like guys. She's been teasing me from time to time that she is gorgeous, which isn't far from the truth, but if she has to be my fag hag, she will be the best one possible.
After our first hockey practice Benji gets all serious with me about what he thinks we should do. He wants to really focus on hockey this year, telling me he wants to drop swimming and waterpolo off our school calendar as well as drop the city `club' teams too. I am not enthused with this idea at all and he really ties to pressure me to follow suit, but I refuse to cave in.
"Who died and made you king of me," I spit at him.
"Stop being such a fag Duncan. Seriously! Your drama is just too much lately."
"Stop being such a fag? Really? Stop sucking my dick then asshole. And lately? You don't even give me the time of day lately. How the hell am I giving you drama when we don't do anything together to give you drama over," I say. Inside I want to cry but either it doesn't show outwardly or Benji is becoming immune to my emotions.
Emotional wounds rarely show in any measurable or obvious way, but they sure hurt. If my life were a video game character I would have just been dealt a mortal injury and have to use a lot of healing points. A year ago Benji and I were the closest that any two guys could be. Now I don't even think I know him anymore some times. The fallout from this argument lasts almost another three weeks. That's six weeks since Autumn began that Benji and I have limited contact and no sex.
In these ensuing weeks it pushes me closer to Adam. Now that we've broken the seal we make use of a full twelve pack of condoms and the three free ones it offers. It's and an emotional high each time and becoming addictive.
Only thing is, I can't talk to Adam about it and don't feel right dumping it on Yvonne. I'd tell Brennan, and I'm sure he'd be all brotherly and supportive, but I am not ready to tell him all about it all just yet. We have become friends as well as brothers since he moved into his frat house and I don't want to drop the hammer on things. If I know him at all he'll love me the same as always and smother me with support. And still it will be a game changer no matter what happens and I like what he and I have too much to mess with it for now. Unfortunately for the first time in my life I don't think I can talk to Benji about things.
It's not until a month before Christmas when it all comes out. Walking home from band practice one Saturday with Jase, Sasha catches up with us. I end up getting conned into a trip to McDonalds with them. We get there, order crap, and Sasha insists I take the inside seat at our table next to the window. Basically he boxes me in.
Everything's cool for a while then he throws me a proverbial sucker-punch, "You have it bad for Ben and he doesn't have a friggen clue, huh?"
I choke and spray my orange drink. My voice climbs four, five, twelve octaves, "What?"
Jase just looks at me and shrugs. I apologize, "Bloody hell guys, sorry."
"For what," Jase asks.
I don't know, for being gay maybe? For being obvious? For letting things get to the point that Sasha's figured me out now too? This isn't news to Jase, but he's never broached the subject with me beyond the one time. He seems so unresponsive. Give me a clue Jase; are you really cool with it?
They are both looking at me. Screw this, "On second thought, no, I'm not sorry. Yeah, I like Benji the way I'm supposed to like girls and I'm not at all sorry."
While staring at my tray Jase says, "Good for you, gonna finish your fries?"
I slide my tray his way, and turn to Sasha, "Are you going to fink me out to everyone?"
He looks up from my fries that Jase is dousing in vinegar, "No."
I ask, "Are you alright with it?"
"Yeah, whatever. It's just too bad Ben doesn't swing your way. You act like a couple, too bad you can't be," he says.
Jase grabs the last bite of Sasha's burger right out of his hand and pops it into his mouth. He chews it up and shows us, "See-food! Thanks Sash!"
"You are a weird kid," Sasha says with the same shocked look on his face he's had since Jase scoffed his Big Mac.
"Says the catholic school kid who swallowed a live goldfish trying to imitate a magic trick. My feelings? Crushed. By the way, did you ever puke the thing out or does the devil own your soul now for murdering an innocent creature while attempting witchcraft? Now leave Duncan alone."
As we walk home I try to tell Jase about Adam, "So yeah, I've been seeing Adam Reid for a while now. But I don't love him like I love Benji."
"Duncan, honestly. I don't care unless we are going to write a song about it. I like music like you like guys. You get the music, you feel it, and that's our thing. Crying to me about boys isn't, so drop it please. I don't give a fuck. We live in the San Francisco of Canada. You digging guys is no biggie to me. Big whup. But you're smart enough to have noticed that relationships of any kind really aren't my thing."
"Sure, thanks," I say, not knowing how to respond to that.
I'd follow up by pushing him into the snow covered pine tree a few feet ahead if he were Benji, but Jase and I don't roll that way. In fact, we don't really `roll' at all so I respect Jase's wishes and drop the subject too. I don't get him at all. He is so passionate about music. That's obvious. But now that he mentions it he doesn't really do the friend thing hardly at all and I've never seen him so much as say hi to a girl. He's just a painfully shy, introspective guy that only comes to life when you put a guitar or paint brush in his hands. Then? Watch out!
We walk in silence for the remaining blocks up to our complex. I figure to say goodbye to him as we enter the promenade. He should split off to the left and enter his building from the mall. In fact we just walked past the streetside doors to his building; he should have taken off then.
Let me better explain our building. The building is four condo towers attached together at the base with a few levels of `underground parking' that are actually above a posh ground level and second floor promenade. So my home being on the seventh floor is actually twelve floors up from street level. The promenade mostly has various medical offices in between the lobbies to the condo towers but also offers a drug store, dry cleaning, a grocery store and a health club. There are a few boutique shops as well, and this all connects from the upper level to a real mall across the street through an enclosed walkway. The level below the promenade has a few party rooms, a laundry and other stuff accessible only to the condo residents. Below that are a couple floors of basement and then there are two more floors of sub-basement where residents can buy storage lock-ups.
I turn to say goodbye to him again as I dart into the grocery store and buy a Kit Kat. He just tags along. We still haven't spoken another word. Back in the mall he just stops once we are clear of the doorway to the store. I turn to look at him and wave goodbye, "Take it easy man."
He looks at me as if not comprehending for a second, "Oh, yeah. Um, hey. Don't worry about things. Unless you never told me I wouldn't have put you and that Adam kid together. And Sash is like an artist too, so he sees shit that others don't. That's like his gift man. So it's not like Ryan and Zach are in on the big secret. Bad example, their skulls are too thick to realize there is a living world beyond their pathetically small corners of it. So, like, just whatever, you know man. See ya on Monday, same place, same time. I'm thinking Simon and Garfunkel. Lately I've been feeling `The Sound of Silence'."
I go to bed listening to Rammstein. Since Yvonne turned me on to their CD's they are the basis for two things; my growing love for industrial music, and her teaching me German to the point that I've discovered I want to be a Linguist when I grow up. Despite what Brennan says I can speak great Finnish. I love the different languages and can thank Yvonne for the discovery. Ah Yvonne, I need to talk to her and really tell her what is going on in my life lately.
I have Yvonne meet me after my shift at the arena on Sunday. She comes to open skate just to keep me from boredom and I love her for it. Thing is, I don't get bored. I can check out guys, I get control over the music, and I have yet to have to do much more than act all tough and mean to a few little brats that get dumped off by their parents and always try to play tag. And a couple of the guys and most of the girls I work with are all pretty cool, so we have a good time at work.
After my shift Yvonne and I go up to the stands and watch some random house league game. We are far enough away from the parents and families that I don't even bother whispering. I tell her all the details. Adam and me, how I love the sex. Benji and me, how I want him to love me back so badly. Jase and Sasha and the band. I tell her how I miss Cameron, Peter, and Etienne a lot lately as I have seemed to cut them out of my life along with Benji too.
I relate that Adam is my big concern. Somewhere into our first box of condoms sex changed with Adam. Part way through intercourse now we forget about the hips and focus on the eyes. In the midst of the act we stop and can get lost in each other's eyes as we try to stretch out the sex. I really get into kissing and licking Adam's neck when I bone him and he in turn has started tongue wresting with me while he drives his penis home into me. Our sex is becoming an act of love rather than a teenage act of getting off. Here is where I put the brakes on. This is not supposed to be an act of love because I don't love Adam. He doesn't love me.
Yvonne gives me the most sage advice I have had in ages. She tells me to wean Adam off and make more time for her. Together we'll start hanging out with our friends more and I will feel a better balance. She also tells me to stop devoting all my free time at school to Jase. She knows for a fact that it is making Benji jealous and that is what's driving the wedge between us. And then she blows my mind.
Catching me off guard she starts to make out with me. Like really make out to the point that people are staring at us! I shed my staff jacket and fold it up so that the parents can't complain to anyone at the arena about my actions. I lead her underside to get my coat and skates and we continue the making out there before I take her by the hand and start walking her home. Maybe she's not real, like maybe she's my Guardian Angel here to tell me to shut the fuck up and just keep living my life like I would if I liked girls. Too bad she's a girl; closing in on sixteen years on this wondrous planet I firmly believe she is my soul-mate.
[to be continued]