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).:.(<<
In This Cruel World
As Benji holds me there is a comfortable silence. I reposition myself so that his groin is pressed into my butt and his erection is nestled into the channel that accentuates my spine in the small of my back. Benji grinds himself against me a little and slides a hand down to my still hard cock.
He wiggles my handful and chuckles very quietly, "You like this doncha?"
I try to ignore it, but he pulls me towards him and onto my back. Next thing I know he is nibbling my earlobe. What porn is he watching that he's picked this up from? It feels magical!
He breaks the silence again, "Dunc, I know you favour me. A blind man could see that. I completely favour girls, but how about this? I'm willing to `be a friend' and do things with you."
"Benji, just what the hell does that mean? You're willing to be exclusively gay with me? It doesn't work that way. Fooling around with a straight guy would be about as engaging as a girl for me. Thanks, but no thanks. I'll stop messing around with you when we sleep and figure things out on my own," I say with a voice full of venom.
His reaction is to slide down my body and make me jump when his tongue touches my cock and he buries his face in the fly of my boxers. I try half heartedly to struggle, relishing so deeply the fact that my best bud and sexual desire is trying to give me a blow job. It is both of our first times ever having any sexual contact, I'm over the moon that I am giving my virginity to my best friend. I am so quick to blow my load that I think I have just set a world record for fastest finish ever!
Having only ever seen cheap straight porn over the internet so that my family can't find anything gay in the browser history should I fail to empty it, I just always assumed that when a guy gets a blowjob that he cums in his partners mouth. Benji clearly has other ideas, and gags real bad when I shoot in his mouth without warning.
Although I hardly produce porn star quantities of cum, he bolts out of the sleeping bags and spits out what he can into his beer bottle. I want to kill myself, feeling so ashamed of what's just happened. If I wasn't again paralyzed by this I probably should flee into the snowy woods outside until I can sort things out in my mind. My body feel numb, my joystick still tingles, but my mind is a fog.
After spitting up a lake's worth of spit through a number of muttered curses he asks me, "Where's your beer?"
I reach for it off the floor and hand it to him. I drink in his nudity as he stands over me, himself drinking the remainder of my beer to kill the taste in his mouth. Benji eventually gets back into the sleeping bag. He puts one leg up on me slightly and drapes his arm back over me.
I apologize profusely, "I didn't know where to shoot. Sorry. Where should I have? I should have told you too."
He pretty much brushes it off, "Dunc, go get your gum for me. I can feel your sperms swimming in my mouth, please give me a piece of gum."
I search for my jeans behind the pullout and fish my pack of gum out of a front pocket. I used to keep the pack in my back pocket but my buddy Peter always made a point of telling me people don't want to taste my ass on the gum I share. So what, now they can taste my crotch? My nipples are hard from the cold as I slip back into the bed. I reach out to Benji and jab his arm. He reaches for my hand and takes the pack from me. I'd never give it a second thought before tonight, but I notice how his hand lingers on mine slightly, how he's never been afraid to make hand contact with me. Most guys get all awkward if they touch hands, saying macho things or at the very least apologizing for the simple contact because let's face it, we're taught that guys touching hands is gay. I guess Benji is true to his word, he doesn't care.
"Dude, I'm taking two," He informs me.
Our friends all berate any hog that takes two pieces of someone else's gum, so he feels the need to confess. I banter back, "Good. Your breath needs two."
"Well, if you want to get technical asshole, if you think my breath stinks remember what was just in my mouth," He says while trying not to giggle.
"Touche," I concede, "Do you want a return favour?"
"I don't know. Not right now, I have to think this through a little. Was it worth it? Was it good?"
"You were great! I've never shot my rocket off that fast before," I profess.
"Good then. Lets leave it at that tonight. Maybe you can stay over tomorrow or I'll stay over at your's. We can figure out what's next then. No ass play though. I won't go there with you," he warns.
I risk a kiss and get rewarded with him kissing back. "Thanks," I say.
As he snuggles up to me he whispers that I'm welcome and then he latches on to my neck, just below my ear and suckles for a while. He's limp, but I can't help feel so exhilarated that the only thing between my butt and his unclothed member is my thin pair of Fruit of the Loom open fly boxers. With the comfortable weight of his arm around me I fall asleep happier than I think I've ever been. I dream wonderful dreams all night long.
I greet the morning with a smile already on my face, curled up facing Benji with his arm around me. He stirs as I move about on the bed. I realize we are the last ones up. Mrs. Hart has already tidied up around us and laid out our clothes over the back of the couch or head of the bed, whichever way you see it. My morning wood is on the loose, having escaped the minimum security prison that open fly boxers really are. It brushes against his leg unintentionally as I twist around and take in the room around us, wondering how I'm going to hide my log when I get out of bed with his parents and brother sitting at the table. He smiles, a sweet geeky-awkward innocent smile that is pretty much reserved for me. I notice his boxers are back on him as he adjusts himself and gets out of bed.
Benji grabs our backpacks and brings them over to the bed, this time with a sly grin on his face. He pulls out clothes for himself and places then o the bed as I try to reach for my backpack. He pulls it out of my reach and opens it up. I have two of everything in there so he decides what I am wearing today, pulling out a pair of socks, a long-sleeved t-shirt and lined parachute pants from Randy River, which is a trendy chain of stores for teenage fashion locally. He then makes a point of deciding which pair of boxers I am going to wear. He pulls out the white pair with yellow stars on them before putting them back and deciding on the blue pair with orange fish on it.
He tosses the pile at me, "C'mon, lets change."
I tuck myself back into my boxers and throw the covers aside. Before I stand up I put the pile of clothes in front of myself so that I don't flash his family. He changes in one bedroom and I use the other. I want to watch him change but I don't want his family to get the idea that I covet him. Once changed I stuff yesterday's clothes in my backpack and fish out a zip-lock bag with my toothpaste and toothbrush, and another with my deodorant and my Drakkar Noir.
Benji joins me in the bathroom to brush his teeth and freshen up. Once he's done I sink wash my honey coloured hair and use some of his gel to get it in place. Benji opts for a ball cap instead, but I can't stand the thought of greasy hair until we get home. As I style my hair I spot some red roots and think maybe I'll bleach it more; maybe go for a totally beach-blonde look.
"Uh, Thanks for last night. But I gotta know why. Really," I say while he watches me do my hair.
He stammers, "I dunno. If I were gay like you, I think you'd be my one desire in the whole world. I just felt like trying it for you. It didn't do a whole helluva lot for me, but it sure did for you."
"Oh," I say. He didn't really answer my question but whatever.
He feels the need to further explain, "Look, I'll never do anything with another guy, but I'll always be free for you for whatever you want. Just not butt stuff."
I think he's equally confused by his own actions, but has a firm idea of what he's about. I mean, a straight guy isn't going to offer to bob up and down on another guy's knob. That he orally satisfied me last night, at his initiation no less, leads me to think he wants to do it for reasons of his own and likes me snuggling and grinding with him.
After a moment of introspection Benji breathes hard. He puts a hand on my shoulder and tells me, "Look Duncan, I know you liked that. I know you like me. I'm not going to be your boyfriend, but I don't see anything wrong with helping you out. As my best friend, all you have to do to keep it going is never ever tell anyone."
I have a lot to muddle through in my mind today. Things are totally normal between us as we eat bacon and eggs that Mrs. Hart makes for us. We are totally normal during the long drive home. I don't get it, how can he be so casual about this. I know I've been pretending to be casual back to him all morning and into the afternoon when I get dropped off at home, but damn! I am not cool with this. It's not just something that happens daily. Cue up the porn music and your friend who's claiming to be straight goes down on you? No, this shit is fucked up.
I don't even realize I entered the building, rode the elevator, walked the hall, turned the corner and put my key in the door. I don't see my parents at a glance as I bee-line for my room. I toss my bag on my bed and sit down cross-legged on the corner of my bed looking out my 7th floor window at the beautiful winter wonderland below. I contemplate masturbating. It won't solve any problems for me, but the distraction will be welcome. I get lost in thought for a moment with only the top button of my pants undone when I hear someone flush in the bathroom.
I call out, "Mom? Dad?"
"Grocery shopping," my brother Brennan shouts from the hallway.
Seconds later as he walks into our shared room he says, "Moi te veli." (Roughly translated he just said hey you, brother', or hey, my brother'. )
I turn to him, "Hey Brennan."
He plops onto his bed and faces me, "You're home early. And you have that look. What's up? Benji piss you off?"
I try to deflect his question, "What look?"
"Yeah right! I know that look, I know your slouch, I know what's going on when you stare out the window," he states.
"Thank you Dr. Freud. You should get help and see why you know me so well," I mumble.
He reaches out and pats my knee, "Well don't get all pissy at me for reading you like a book. You've invaded my space for 15 years kiddo! I know you well, would I rather I didn't? C'mon, spill. What's on your mind?"
"Invaded your space for 15 years? That's cold. Huh, I try to remember that line. Gee, thanks dick-breath," I say looking at him. Facing the window again I add, "It's a personal thing. Like a boy-girl thing, nothing to worry yourself over."
He takes a guess, "What? You and Benji like the same girl? It's Xadia isn't it? She's a hot little fifteen year old."
"Ew Brennan! You're almost twenty! That's like criminal. Ask someone at your university to explain it if you have to! And no, I don't like Katy. Not that way anyhow," I answer.
Katy's real name is Xadia (pronounced za-DIE-ya in case you care). Like my parents and Benji's, her parents immigrated to Canada with a group of friends after an exchange program in university Some stayed, some went back. Our parents are some of a group that stayed. Only my dad isn't Finnish by birth. Prior to immigrating to Canada his family were Scottish immigrants to Finland in his early childhood.
"Hey, kiddo! I babysat her. I'm not into her, just saying if you like her she's hot. Sorry for being supportive. And don't call her Katy in front of Mom, you know that's not the right short form for her name. The 'rents all get their shit in a knot over us misusing their language."
"No. I thought Benji had the hots for her. She sure does for him. I can tell he's all bummed out about her spending all her time with her cousin. And you want language? Dude! You shoulda heard Mr. Hart blow his lid at Benji and Kimi last night. The rest of the Finnish-league-of-parents wouldn't have approved of summa of the words he used!"
"Oh yeah. Yvonne. Mom says she makes you blush, and you make her blush."
"Really?" I ask a little too quickly. I don't actively mean to give my brother the impression I'm interested in Yvonne because I'm not, "Her English is appalling anyways."
"She's been here for all of what, four months! Your Finnish is what's atrocious," He reasons.
"My Finn is just fine," I challenge, "Probably better'n yours!"
Brennan feigns shock, "No way kiddo. I hardly knew English until you were born. None of the parents spoke it well, not even dad. My Finnish kicks your Finn's ass!"
"You're such a drama queen," I claim.
"Spoken from an expert," Brennan says dismissively. He's achieved his goal. He's pulled me unknowingly out of my shell and I'm ready to spill my guts out to him. Only he's not asking about my sexuality, "So you like her? You should double date with Benji and Xadia. Or does Benji like Yvonne too?"
I scoff, "No, but it's not like we could date anyways. Her mom's like some shell-shocked war victim or something. She's having a hard time adjusting to here and won't make any parental decision without calling Yvonne's dad in Germany. Plus we don't talk when we're together."
"Probably because you're both in love," he teases, "C'mon, you're my brother! When I need to impress girls I make you tag along. They fall all over you, and then I get to score."
Of course this isn't true. We don't do that but he's trying to get me to laugh and help me work through my problem, "Yeah, that's because you're being the big brother and taking the kid for a walk. Girls your age think that's so nice of you. But they want to go home with me!"
"No but Yvonne's your age and she does. See my point?"
"I guess. So tell me, how is Pam anyway? You staying with her tonight?"
"Um, no and no. Pam is 6 months ago and you know it. Jen and I are good, thanks, but her parents would sooner make me a eunuch than let me kiss her in front of them! Why, you and Benji need the room alone tonight?"
I shoot back, "Dude! You sleep in the next bed. Like 5 feet away. You know we don't fag out."
"Methinks though doth protest too much," he sneers.
I lunge at Brennan, "Yeah? Well methinks I doth kick your ass!"
Brennan's big. I'm like a three quarter version of him, which makes sense as I'm almost 15 and he's almost 20. But he works out and can throw me around like a rag doll. He catches me and body slams me onto his bed. As I get up he grabs my arms and holds them behind my back. I drop to my knees, trying to play the card that if he thinks he's really hurting me he'll let me go. No dice, he just forces my arms up higher until I bend over. With my face meeting my knees the zipper on my pants comes undone. I buck my hips up and Brennan gets a face full of orange fish and blue boxers. Serves him right!
"Woah there," he shouts and lets me go, "Stripping is your new tactic?"
"No. I was about to change," I say, making an excuse for why my button was undone and the pants came down, "But it worked."
He's about to grab me as I stand with my pants around my ankles. I plead, "Truce?"
"Truce. Yeah, Benji can come over. Next year if mom an dad let me stay in the dorms with the lacrosse team you can even use separate beds."
).:.(<<
When Benji comes over we watch a hockey game with my parents before going to bed. Brennan isn't home from his kegger or wherever he and his friends are, so Benji and I resume our talk from this morning.
I ask him, "Why do you think I'm gay?"
"Aren't you," he answers.
"Well, I tend towards guys a hell of a lot more than girls. Let's just leave it at that. And please don't tell anyone."
He moves right along, "So you're cool with experimenting with me then?"
I try to clarify, "Is that what it is? But you said you're not into guys. I don't get it to be honest."
"Dunc, I've thought about it a lot. I don't get boned up over any other guy. Just you. I don't get it either. So erm, yeah. If you need a hand sometime, I'd like to help out."
"Um, sure."
"Dunc? Thing is, you gotta promise me something. No one knows but us. Swear it," he asks.
He makes me promise to this on so many things, my life, my mother, our friendship. Oh yeah, and the other stipulation is that I can't get jealous when he has a girlfriend in the future; because he assures me he will marry a girl someday and won't cheat on her. Until that day he will always be available to me.
I dare ask, "So, um Benji. How about a hand before Brennan gets home?"
Benji doesn't say anything so I reach over to his boxers. His body tenses and he pulls away. I reach up to his shoulder instead and look him in the eyes in the dim light that filters in through my 7th floor window in the steel and concrete jungle of condos just outside of downtown Vancouver. The light is shining on my eyes and I can only make out an impression of where his are. It does the trick though. He smiles at my pleading eyes and guides my hand down to his crotch.
With his hand around my wrist I gently get my first feel of his cock. It feels great! I've lived for this! He tenses again but lets me continue. I feel his organ rising from semi hard to fully excited. I cup his balls and jiggle a little. He pulls my hand away and sets it back on his boner. I start a good motion on him, one that I particularly like.
My back is to the wall and I am spread out on my left side, using my right hand to balance myself. Being left handed this isn't working well so I kiss him on the lips and get up so that I am leaning over him. With my arm free to work easier I try kissing him again. He doesn't really kiss back with much zeal, but he lets me make his lips all sloppy. I straddle a leg over his legs and sit my butt down just above his knees. He has other ideas, grabbing my arms and pulling me up him until my crotch is above his. Our parts are almost touching.
He lazily works his hand up and down my tool as I work his over. His attention to me pauses many times as he gasps at my ministrations to him. Finally his hips are getting into this as he thrusts me up slightly time and again. Then he takes my hand from him and gently pushes me backwards. He wiggles free from beneath me and takes matters into his own hands. We both are silently spanking our monkeys when his hips start thrusting again.
He feels for my dick and then his fingers trail down it to the fly of my boxers. The first volley of his jizz lands just above my abs as he leans forward. The second shot hits my flagpole and fingers while he guides his dick in the opening of my boxers. The remainder of his warm love juice gets deposited from my pubes to my waistband.
I can feel his spunk running off my lower abdomen to the sides and trickling between my sac and my right thigh. He leans over me and starts sucking the side of my neck at the exact spot he did last night. As the wetness he deposited on me dribbles over my unshaved hole I hit a new high, vigorously splattering our bellies with my load.
The passion has passed. He unlatches himself from my neck and stands. He steps out of his boxers, wipes himself clean with them and tosses them at me. I use them to wipe myself off too before using mine to get between my legs. I drop them both in my hamper without a second thought. Most days my underwear serves this second purpose and Mom's never said anything after doing my laundry. We wear the same brand so she probably won't even know one pair belongs to Benji. I then fish out a couple pairs of pajama pants for Benji and me, not caring for my brother to see any full moons or the sunshine from either of us whenever he makes it home and to bed.
I do however fall asleep smiling again, wrapped in Benji's smooth arms for the second night in a row.
[to be continued]