This story is a work of fiction. Any resemblances to any person, place, or written works are purely coincidental. It may contain consensual sex between young men. Do not read if you find that objectionable or if it is illegal for you to view this content for whatever the reason.
Copyright 2010 Jade, All Rights Reserved. Permission to post electronically is given to www.nifty.org and its affiliated mirror sites only. Otherwise do not post, copy, or use this story in any manner without my permission.
With this being the final chapter I'd really love to hear from you! Please let me know what you think @: phantomscorpio77@gmail.com.
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In This Cruel World
Getting to Benji's house we're happy to see that the Jeep Cherokee is in fact gone. Walking into the house we know right away Kimi's home because Depeche Mode is blaring out of the stereo in his room. Benji knocks on his door as I head to the kitchen to sort through leftovers that are always in the fridge.
With the stereo killed Kimi bee-lines towards me with Benji on his heels, "Yo, forget the fridge Dunkin Donut. Get something at the lanes, you guys took too long. C'mon, lets jet."
"We thought you would have gone with Peter, Richard, and Etienne," I answer, pulling a pizza box out. He's gone out of his way to look good for the girl he's sweet on that undoubtedly will be there tonight, and he's clearly anxious to see her.
"No, I was waiting on you two slow pokes," Kimi says, somehow noticing that Benji and I must look guilty of something, "Oh. I get it. Fine, I'm taking the car."
"Dad specifically said you are not to drive the car without him or Mom," Benji chimes in.
Kimi fires back, "And we've all told you not to toy with Duncan. Hasn't stopped you. I've got my license; if the province of British Columbia is chill with me driving than Mom and Dad can butt out. You two get your rocks off, I'm outta here!"
Kimi stops on a dime at my words, "He loves me Kimi. He's said it, he's shown it."
Looking from Benji to me and back Kimi stares down his older brother, "I hope your right Duncan, I hope you're right. I ain't making any excuses for you two tonight. If anyone asks I'm telling them you guys bitched out."
I grab the keys to their dad's car from Benji's front pocket and toss them to Kimi, "Don't keep Stephanie waiting any longer then."
"Well, have fun guys," Kimi says while tying up his laces. He also mutter at us `you two are really something'.
"You have fun too," I offer back as he salutes us and steps out the door.
All of a sudden Benji seems distant, a little cold to me, "What's up bucko?"
"Dunc, what we have, is this going to last forever?"
"No pressure, but that's up to you."
He looks lost so I reach into him and we start kissing. Still in a lip-lock I gently push and steer him backwards until we are in his room. He pulls my shirt up and tangles my head in it. As I free myself from the shirt he sneaks away. It doesn't take a genius to figure he's filling up the Jacuzzi in his parents bathroom for us. We once used the jets of the Jacuzzi for sexual stimulus until I took over for the jet. He sure didn't mind me rimming him that day.
We continue to make out while the tub fills with hot water and we undress completely. Tossing the clothes aside Benji seems to have something else on his mind tonight. He never gives up the chance to use props in our sexual play. Instead he takes me directly to the Jacuzzi. He does use the jet on his backside, flashing me something between his sweet smile and something more devious. I take the chance that him letting me finger him in the park wasn't a fluke and attempt it again.
A short while later he positions himself so that he is lying over the edge with his sweet ass right in my face. Oh, how I love to kiss his yummy taut ass! Tonight he seems to really enjoy it too I guess because he pulls me from the tub, lovingly towels us both off and lead me to his bed. The one rule we have seems to have changed from `no playing with his butt' to something less concrete.
I'm filled with desire as we pick up where we left off and time just slows right down for me. To this point, while I have obviously never gotten to make love to Benji before, I have some experience with Adam. In bed I'm rimming Benji again and screaming out inside for just one chance in my life to get to make love to him with my dick inside him and suddenly here he really is, inviting me to pound his very nice ass for the first time!
In a very soft, quiet voice he apprehensively asks me, "Make love to me Dunc? I want to feel what it's like to have you love me for once."
What to do, what to do? I decide fuck-it, if an opportunity that I have fantasized about for years presents itself I have to take it and screw the consequences!
It takes a while to actually get inside Benji as he is so tense, and his body is slightly shaking. I don't think it takes either of us long to get used to the mechanics of our new sexual positions together. Benji's shaking bothers me, I worry that he really doesn't like me in him and stop at one point.
"I think that's enough yo, you're not enjoying this. Switch?"
"Don't you go anywhere, this is unreal," he says holding onto me tightly.
"But you're shaking like a leaf," I point out.
"First time Dunc. It's a whole lot more desire and pleasure now than nerves," He says staining to kiss me.
"Um, O.K. Yeah, sure," I say.
"Remember for your birthday when I got us the harness gear? I also got something for myself that's about our size to prepare for you," Benji says with a sly grin.
I have to believe him, minutes later he looses all control and loudly orgasms.
Coming down, he makes out with me like crazy, "Holy shit. I never would have believed it would be like that."
"Pretty awesome isn't it?"
"Fuck ya, we're gonna hafta take turns or something from now on."
"God I love you Benji."
"Dunc, by far you're the best thing in my life. I'm ready. Ready to be yours."
At some point as we lay together before we go at it again the doorbell rings. Then there's a knock at his front door. Next his home phone rings, then each of our cell phones, one after the other. We hear Ian calling us from outside and ignore him. Eventually he finally gives up and leaves. We dress in boxers and grab some cold pizza and juice in the kitchen before we find ourselves repeating the earlier act, this time in a different position. I'm as gentle as a lamb and quite confident we're both seeing stars afterwards. We could both use a shower, but I nestle up to him, my head resting above his meaty shoulder and manly smelling armpit. I swear on my life, I've never been so happy falling asleep as I am just now with the love of my life willingly being my teddy bear.
Kimi wakes me after he gets home from bowling. I stare at my boxers across the floor, prompting him to roll his eyes, scoop them up and toss them towards my head. We head to his room to talk.
I ask, "What's everyone saying?"
"Who the fuck cares? When Ian came back I said you guys went to a party with Brennan instead. Does he really mean it Duncan?"
I nod my head, "Yeah. Tonight was different. We uh, well, he's given himself to me Kimi; heart, soul, and body."
"What about Katy?"
"They're sort of on the rocks as it is. He's pretty sure they're just staying together for Graduation 'cause they've been high school sweethearts for two and a half years."
"Has he ever slept with her? Does he tell you?"
I'm sure he'd have told me, but then again I may just want to ask for certain. I don't let on to Kimi though, "No, she's pressured him and he's never gone that far. They've done stuff I know about, ahem, stuff I'm better at, and stuff he and I can't do."
"Oh my god Duncan. You're too cute, you're still too shy to say the words?"
"He's your brother. We love each other Kimi."
"So what? Now he's waived his no butt rule for you?"
"Yeah. And yo, between you and me, he's kicking himself that he waited so long. It's not just sex though; it really is love."
Kimi hugs me, "Fine. Then I'm happy for you. Both of you. You're still my brother too, no matter what. I've wanted to kick his ass for you so many times. If he messes things up..."
"You'll always be my brother too, just in more ways than one."
"So what about you? He should be taking you to Grad."
"Nah. Yvonne and I are doing that shit together. Even when she was dating Miso that was never in question."
"Aight. Well you better get back to bed so I can jerk off to some porn and then crash."
"Have fun."
"For sure, always do! You too, just don't slam the bed against the wall too hard!"
Leaving his room I leave him with a final thought, "We fixed that problem over a year ago!"
On a night that our friends all know Benji and I are at his place, home alone with the lights on, we worry that we might have been discovered. Still, afterwards there are no rumours or anything said that we know of. This makes our young and naive minds think that no one really knows about us. Parents, Kimi, and Brendan aside, we've kept to our promise of never saying anything about our encounters together to anyone.
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As mentioned earlier Benji and I are both accepted to the same school, the University of British Columbia, Benji for the medical field and myself for a history/literature program with the intention of branching off into linguistics. At least a number of friends will be going to the same university; Adam, Heather, and Sara for 5 of us in total. Jase and Yvonne will be going to the other university here in the city, Simon Frasier University. Kimi's got another year of high school, and Miso will be done with school for now.
That isn't a lot though, out of over 20 friends and even more close acquaintances it isn't quite half of my friends. Tom, Peter, Cameron, Katy, Etienne, Richard, Ian, Shawna, Nadine, and Sasha are all going away somewhere and like earlier in the year the thought makes me pretty sad. Sure, I have some new friends coming from Houston and Charlottetown, but I'm going to badly miss my friends I've known practically my whole life.
To that end, a quarter of Delta Cosmos is leaving us for Calgary to pursue becoming a fire fighter in Sasha. I've been trying to pump Jase up about Paul. Paul knows all of the classics he loves and is seriously a kick-ass guitar player. Despite my promises, he sees an ego problem like we had with Ryan and to some extent, Zach. I kid Jase that he's just scared at the prospect of another gay guy in the band, knowing that it really doesn't bother him in the least. He shoots back he doesn't care who sleeps with who, or what for that matter. I guess he's is just going to have to meet Paul and see if we're all compatible.
Something I have to keep in mind about Jase is that he's a little disconnected from the flow at the best of times. Of anyone I know, he personifies marching to his own drum. Two things I don't want to lose in Jase are the times when just he and I kick back and pick away at our acoustic guitars, and surprisingly, my squash partner. Jase is like my Zen master, he taught me how to mellow out with the guitars, and he taught me how to work off stress with squash.
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Everything starts to come to a head at Graduation. As expected, Benji is going with Katy, and I'm going with Yvonne. After tonight Benji will come out, we'll profess our love and life will go on. It all reminds me of an article I read in a copy of XY magazine that Brennan bought me. These two boys photographed and detailed their grad night from getting ready together through a wonderful night with friends. I wish with my everything that Benji was beside me right now and we were getting to go to Grad together as a couple. One more day; I can wait.
And yet, getting ready at my house I start to get depressed that the end is here and soon everyone will be moving on. The ceremony is great; Benji gets a bursary to the University for his math and science grades. I'm so happy for him! Me, I am the emcee for the ceremony because I've been the `voice of Kitsilano High School' for the past year.
After Etienne's rosy valedictorian speech I'm given the signal to wrap things up. Everyone in our class is shouting for a speech from me, it's pretty cool I have to say.
Principal Nguen nods his approval so I address the auditorium, "Kitsilano, yo! Uh, I don't have a speech so I'm just going to ad-lib here."
Once my brother and friends quiet down I start, "In this cruel world we are thrust. In this cruel world we are forced to find ourselves; who we are and what we're about. In this cruel world we must all learn to trust and get along and help out our fellow man. In this cruel world our journey is just begun as we step out from beneath the sheltered environment of our high school. In this cruel world the real learning begins; the life lessons of the real world. In this cruel world, as frightening as it may be it's up to us to become the person we want to be.
That's all I can come up with on the spot so I'd like to thank you all. Whether it was as your resident nut-job on the daily announcements, as a displaced hippie in the quad playing guitar and singing with Jase Jones, as a member of one sports team or another, a friend, a lab partner, a classmate or just a face in the halls, I thank you. You've all made my time here so memorable, and I hope in some small way I've created a memory for you too.
Now, if you know me at all, you know just because I'm drawing blank it doesn't mean I'm out of options. I'd like to share with you from part of a valedictorian speech a friend and I helped another friend write, from songs that have meant something to us all over the years.
This friend by the way, the valedictorian? You may have heard of him over the national news the last few days, he just happens to have been a homeless kid most of the last three years and no one knew until he got the Governor General's award for highest grades in all of Prince Edward Island.
The speech that he gave, pieced together from songs is as much about him as it was for him to give. Such an inspiration. If you run into me at UBC next year I'd love to introduce him. Now of course, for each quote I have a different accent. Wouldn't be me otherwise right?
`Don't damn me when I speak a piece of mind, 'cause silence isn't golden when I'm holding it inside.'(1)
Yeah, hopefully someone knew that one...
Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is about.'(2) Life's a journey, not a destination and I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings.'(3) Seek the roses along the way, but beware of the thorns,'(4) every rose has it's thorn.'(5)
You still with me Kitsilano? Stay with me yo! Here we go!
Strange how laughter looks like crying, in the rain. Strange how raindrops look like tears, without the pain.'(6) Cherish the laughter, remember the pain. 'Cause the man I am now is not the man I was then, as time goes by I tell you my friends'(7) if you knew back then what you know right now, well it might've been easier, still you made it somehow. You fell head over heels, you were down and out, but you came back strong, from a whisper to a shout.'(8) So rise again little fighter, and let the world know the reason why, shine again little fighter, and don't let them end the things you do.'(9) `Don't let your dreams be clouded, aim your sights high, search your true feelings, and reach for the sky!'(10)
Goodbye my friends, the stars wait for me, who knows where we shall meet again, if ever? But time keeps flowing like a river, on and on, to the sea, to the sea, till it's gone forever, gone forever, gone forevermore.'(11) But I won't cry for yesterday, there's an ordinary world somehow I have to find. And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world I will learn to survive.'(12)
And remember my friends; wherever you go, whatever you do, `nothing in life is constant except change.'(13)
Aight. You've heard it every morning for the past year...now for the very last time evah...PEACE-YO KITSILANO, Duncan JUSSI McKerracher out!"
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It really falls apart for me at the graduation dinner itself. I'm beyond quiet throughout the dinner with all of our friends and it's duly noted. Our group has three tables of 8. I'm seated with Yvonne on my one side, Heather and Nadine to her right, then Benji, Katy, Ian, and with Shawna finishing off the circle beside me. I want to be right next to Benji but he's directly across the table.
Aside from Benji, Katy, and Yvonne at the same table my closest friends Peter and Cameron are two tables away. Jase is at yet another table with his close friends. Benji tries to cheer me up, as does almost everyone. I think what really gets me upset as the night gets underway is that there's a boy in a nearby community that had the balls to challenge his school system to let him take another boy as his date to prom. I dreamt for 4 years that somehow Benji would be my date but alas he isn't.
Looking across the table Benji is so breathtaking in his tuxedo, he just seems so much more vibrant than the rest of the room to me. Then the songs start getting to me too, first Pachelbel as we entered the dinner hall and then the lyrics of all the moving-on themed songs after dinner.
Before you know it, half an hour into the dance I'm crying in the washroom and then in the parking lot of the hotel where the dinner is being held. I guess I'm the talk of the night. One by one, or in groups, people come by to gawk, or talk to me. Eventually the whole group of my friends is out there in the parkade with me, as I try to pass off that I'm just blue over the end of school.
It's Katy that cuts through the rhetoric and in front of everyone says to me, "Bullshit Duncan! I'll love you two forever, but like Etienne said in her commencement speech, tonight we start our real lives, why don't you start yours by just admitting that you love Ben?"
I nod my head in agreement to Katy. I'm sure it's Benji's next closest friend, Ian, who says, "It's about time someone said that, about time you acknowledged it."
I hear half a dozen or more here-here's. I hear a comment about it being an awkward subject for four years. Someone says finally', someone else says what a relief'.
Looking up at the face nearest to me, Peter, my closest guy friend aside from Benji tells me, "Dude, the only part of it that anyone cares about is that you haven't told us before."
My heart drops; I'm shattered that everyone knows I've always been in love with Benji. I mean yeah, I've always heard jabs from other friends, but I thought my friends really believed my deception. What hurts me even more is that they evidently all knew and don't give a shit one way or another. Tears still fall as I try to look Benji in the eyes and apologize.
I search the group and can't find him.
Finally a pair of strong arms lift me from behind and turn me around, pulling me into a familiar hug.
"I guess it's time I say this in front of everyone; Duncan Jussi McKerracher, I love you too. I really, really do. I've tried so hard not to all these years but I do. With all of my heart, Dunc," Benji professes and then he kisses me in front of everyone, a good long and tender kiss.
Everyone's cool with it. I'm sure Katy feels let down, but she's the first to hug us, putting my shaking hand in Benji's shaking hand.
"Well, we've wasted enough time over an issue everyone already knows about," my friend Cameron announces, and ushers us all back into the banquet hall.
Sure Benji and I get jeers, but for the most part everyone is cool with us, from the preps to the jocks to the hard core skaters, to the punks and metal-heads and everyone in between. We have the evening of our dreams. We dance together, we kiss and hug without holding back. Over the remainder of the night I notice that another male couple and two girl couples are doing the same thing, only unlike Benji and I, they were been bold enough to come to grad as couples.
Some time through the night Peter and Cameron fish my CD player in my dress coat with my mixed CD from earlier in the day and take it to Jase. After scanning the disc without me knowing Jase convinces the DJ to play Major Tom. Strangely that classic dance song is Benji's and my good-times song. It works.
Just before it comes on the DJ announces, "This one's been requested for Duncan and Benji. In the epic battle of the big heart and the thick skull true love has prevailed."
During our song Benji says, "I would have picked When I See You Smile."
I totally agree with the Bad English song, "Me too Benji, me too. Maybe Jase is saving that to serenade us with it at our wedding."
We crack up when the very next song is just that. I guess it really has been obvious as too many of our friends try to hide smirks and smiles from us. After our song when a dance hit comes on I take Benji out to the parkade with me again. He's is slightly puzzled as I pull out my phone and dial. There's someone I have to tell.
He answers his cell phone, "Moi te veli! What shaking?"
I ask, "Brennan, where are you?"
"Not sure what this park is named, it's the one over in Pigeon Park. This area is rough. Dad and I still have two more to kill the lights at for you, why? Things not going too good? Want me to swing by and get ya? We can hit a trendy restaurant in Gastown. Maybe a movie?"
"As if! Gimme some credit, I may be your brother but my friends forgive me for that! No, really, thanks. I appreciate your concern."
"I'm driving with the phone and dad's giving me that look. What's up?"
"We did it Bren, we finally did it! In front of all our friends and the whole school Benji kissed me and we're officially boyfriends!"
With the time we have left, in the company of all our friends we turn the night into the memory we both always wanted it to be. We stay the whole night, alternately dancing the slow songs with girl friends and each other. Finally, after the last notes of Vitamin C's Graduation Day dies away we kiss another long gentle kiss and head back to the hotel with our friends.
We don't have sex this night. Instead we stay social, drinking beer and talking until eventually we fall asleep in each others' arms in one of the rooms with friends around us. When we wake in the morning nothing is different. Except for a few awkward smiles accompanied by nods of affirmation from our friends, everything is just as it always has been, only Benjamin is now my proud boyfriend!
As we sit on a city bus crowded with our friends we're holding hands and engrossed in separate conversations. He gently squeezes my hand and I gently squeeze back. We'll figure out the big questions like who's house we live at later. After looking back on our lives so often, dreaming of our future, I'm going to live in the moment. Just now this hand signal tells me I've been asked for a kiss. He really wants this dream too. Interrupting our conversations we pause for a quick kiss.
In this cruel world my dream has come true!
[the end]
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Footnotes: 1 . from Don't Damn Me' off of 1991's Use Your Illision I, by Guns 'N Roses 2 . (unknown) 3 . from Amazing' off of 1993's Get A Grip, by Aerosmith 4 . from Send Me An Angel' off of 1989's Crazy World, by Scorpions 5 . from Every Rose Has It's Thorn' off of 1988's Open Up and Say...Ahh!, By Poison 6 . from (Another Rainy Night) Without You' off of 1991's Empire, by Queensryche 7 . from Why Ain't I Bleeding?" off of 1994's Vicious Circle, by L.A. Guns 8 . from Nothing to Lose' off of 1993's self titled debut by Arcade 9 . from Little Fighter' off of 1989's Big Game, by White Lion 10. from liner notes off of 1988's Reach For the Sky, by Ratt 11. from Time' off of 1980's The Turn of a Friendly Card, by Alan Parson's Project 12. from Ordinary World' off of 1993's The Wedding Album, by Duran Duran 13. from liner notes off of 1992's Europe 1982-1992, by Europe
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Dear Reader:
Thank you for reading through to the end. I hope the pay off was worth the ride.
I wrote this story as a rebuttal of sorts against perhaps my favourite story on Nifty because I wasn't happy with the ending. I know; that's life, deal with it and all, but it inspired me all the same. (Joey: thank you dearly for Forever on a Tree. If, scratch that, WHEN you get it published I'd love to buy the first copy.)
Look for more of Benji and Dunc in one of my other stories when I get it to part 3, In the Shadows of Our Lives. If you want to know when I get going on that one shoot me an email now and I'll personally notify you when I submit the first chapter. They will remain major characters when I get the whole gang out to Vancouver, some time near the end of this year, maybe sooner. I do currently have another story on the go too if you're interested: If You Could Read My Mind.
For now I turn the Vancouver spotlight over to the 2010 Winter Olympics that opened there two days ago. (Can you guess who's going to be glued to the T.V. for the next 14 days?)
Happy Valentines Day guys,
~Jade xo
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When I See You Smile, by Bad English
Sometimes I wonder how I'd ever make it through, through this world without having you, I just wouldn't have a clue. 'Cause sometimes it seems like this world is closing in on me, and there's no way of breaking free, and then I see you reach for me.
Sometimes I want to give up, wanna give in, I wanna quit the fight, and then I see you baby, and everything's alright. Everything's alright.
(Chorus) When I see you smile I can face the world, oh, you know I can do anything. When I see you smile, I see a ray of light, I see it shining right through the rain. When I see you smile, baby when I see you smile at me.
There's nothing in this world that could ever do what the touch of your hand can do, it's like nothing that I ever knew. And when the rain is falling I don't feel it 'Cause you're here with me now, I want to answer baby, it's all I'll ever need, It's all I'll ever need.
(Chorus)
Sometimes I want to give up, I wanna give in, I wanna quit the fight, then one look at you baby, and everything's alright. Everything's so right.
When I see you smile I can face the world, yeah, you know I can do anything. When I see you smile, I see a ray of light, oh, I see it shining right through the rain, yeah. When I see you smile, baby when I see you smile, smile at me.