This story is a work of fiction. Any resemblances to any person, place, or written works are purely coincidental. It may contain consensual sex between young men. Do not read if you find that objectionable or if it is illegal for you to view this content for whatever the reason.
Copyright 2009 Jade. All Rights Reserved. Do not post, copy, or use this story in any manner without my permission.
Comments / criticism / feedback? Always love to hear from you at : phantomscorpio77@gmail.com.
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In This Cruel World
As I get known around the school as `Juicy' it's not intentional to cut Benji out of my life, but I do spend more of my free time hanging with Cameron and Peter; long time friends that I no longer hide my true self from. Jase and I also play squash at least once a week in addition to playing our acoustic guitars at school almost daily at lunch, and at home often as well. Ian takes up the slack for with me with Benji, those two hanging out together a lot more than when Benji devoted most of his time to me. Of course that said, as always Yvonne gets more of my time than anyone else.
One day after finishing our homework on Ernest Hemingway I ask her, "When are you going to move on girl?"
"When are you going to back off. I don't want a boyfriend. Boys are complicated, in case you didn't know. My English is ten times better than it was a year ago. I want to do good in school and then I'll get a guy. A good guy, like you. Till then you're my man."
So I leave it at that. She's my best friend nowadays, maybe has been for a while.
).:.(<<
The school board changed around the sports schedule on us this year, adding rugby in the spring and shuffling everything else around. Water polo got kicked to the fall and winter instead of spring. This reminds me to get in touch with Brian who runs the city team. He holds practice year round and invites me to drop back in any time.
After a week of dragging Yvonne to the lap pool at the gym I feel like I am back in shape enough to make an appearance. When I make my way to the Natatorium at the university I feel naked, not knowing anyone there this year. There is an Asian boy that grabs my attention however. It's the first time I've felt such a strong attraction to a guy of a different race.
It's a good thing these are just practices because Keith Funtomo proves to be a major distraction for me. On a scale of ugly to fuckable, my indicator definitely points to him being highly fuckable. In the water, during my third practice I finally manage to stop drooling and show him I have some skill, schooling him good a few times.
In the pool, with my tattoo it's hard to hide my sexuality now if someone can figure out the subtle rainbow. Keith is one of the guys that can. Also in the pool, things can get nasty below the waist, where referees can't really see cheap shots. Squeezing a guys package to throw him off or hurt him is pretty common. Not being afraid to grab another guy's goodies, during a break Keith grabs mine underwater, "Wow. You are actually not bad. I felt sorry for you the last couple times. You also have nice balls. Seeing as how you might actually stick around if you play like this, when are you going to use these and build up the nerve to ask me out?"
"I thought I'd just stare. Didn't know which team you play for, not everyone advertises it like I do," I say, indicating my tattoo.
"Well it works. I thought maybe it was accidental, the colours, or maybe a joke by the artist. Your eyes all over me told me otherwise."
"Sorry."
"Do not be. Coffee afterwards?"
"Can't tonight. Maybe next week, after Thanksgiving? Like Wednesday? It's my only free night lately."
"It is a date then."
"Sweetness."
"You are cute."
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On the Friday of Thanksgiving weekend Yvonne and I drop in to visit with Brennan. He's still at lacrosse practice when we get there but Lina is there. Not only Lina, but her brother is using the computer. If Keith is good looking, this guy's features are stunning. Even Yvonne is tongue-tied around him.
I knew Lina was some form of eastern European and knew about her big family that came to Canada as refugees a number of years ago. Seeing her brother makes it all real. Miso (Me-show) is as tall as me but rail thin; his clothes hangs off his bony frame. At 6 feet tall he's lucky if he's a feather over 120 lbs. As underfed as he is, he has bright eyes, a big smile and he may just be the most cheery kid I've ever met.
After introductions Lina has me roll up my sleeve, "Look Miso. Your drawing is on his arm."
She explains the tattoo and he smiles. I guess the doodle I had inked into my skin was his creation.
I think I'm the first person he's met who's openly gay to him. He doesn't run screaming, but he doesn't seem all that comfortable either. My gaydar may be defective but I do know when I make someone uncomfortable.
"Dude. Chill. I'm not going to touch you. It doesn't work that way. Like Yvonne here. She thinks you're cute. She's a girl who likes guys. You're obviously a guy who likes girls. She's not molesting you. And if you noticed I'm not molesting you either."
He smiles, "But isn't that what you do?"
"Only with another guy that's A-also gay, B-hot, C-equally interested in me, and D-invites contact. Otherwise it's just like everything else in society. You don't just go up to a girl and feel her up just because you're straight; I don't touch or fondle other guys just because I'm gay."
The next day I swing by Brennan's place after my first shift of the year, back at the arena as a skate guard for open skate. The first few times back on skates each year is always a bitch on my ankles. My ankles are rubbed raw and barking at me, but that's beside the point.
Brennan is supposed to take me to see Jonny Depp's latest movie, The Ninth Gate. Miso is over again, also straight from work. He hasn't even changed out of his McDonalds uniform when I arrive. Lina suggests that he and she might tag along with us to the movies. If the boy were gay I'd seriously suspect Lina of playing match-maker. In fact I'm not certain he's straight if I'm reading his mannerisms right.
Alas, I'm sure he's not gay. Not because he's homophobic, more because he hardly understands homosexuality. He thinks homosexuality is old perverted military guys molesting little boys, based on what he knew growing up in Sarajevo, now of Bosnia and Herzegovina, formerly of Yugoslavia. Still, I find it odd when Lina whispers in my ear, "Buy some Nibs and offer him some. You'll have him eating out of your hand."
I do as she suggests and it's like baiting a new pet to trust you by offering it treats. I get that he won't spend his own money, and that any money he makes he contributes to his mom and siblings. But damn, I've never seen someone so obsessed with red licorice as he is. He eats most of the bag! Instead of Miso I start calling him Nibs.
At Thanksgiving dinner the next day, with the Hartkainen's, Laukkanen's, and Toivonen's as usual, I ask Brennan what the deal is. He fills me in that Miso's having a hard time at school, getting picked on and such. Knowing how I've navigated intolerance at school Lina masterminded the idea to have he and I start hanging out so that he can have a friend, and maybe he can learn how to deal with getting picked on.
The next day, Thanksgiving Monday, Delta Cosmos gather in the late morning to plot our musical takeover of the world. As Delta Cosmos we fit well together. Jase only plays acoustic guitar or keyboards, but now with only Sasha's electric guitar stacked on top of Jase's acoustic we can hear Jase. With me on bass and Benji on drums we finally are starting to sound tight. And without much effort too, unlike before when we had Ryan and Zach battling to drown the rest of us out. It's a lot more organic when we practice songs together now, but today we're not really doing much playing, just hanging around mostly.
Knowing that Miso goes to the same catholic school as Sasha, I ask Sasha about him while we are puttering around with Jase and Benji in Benji's basement, "Hey Sasha, there's this dude that goes to your school. Miso. I don't remember his last name but it ends in a-v-i-c. What's his deal?"
"Yeah, Miso Vasarevic. Kid's weird. He doesn't really talk much and hangs out alone. He used to hand out with a group of dicks but I never see him with them this year. Why? You into him?"
"Nah. Well, maybe. He's sorta cute since you're asking, kinda has that dark haired euro-look to him," I say, unintentionally focusing on Benji who fits the description, "but his sister and my brother have been dating since the beginning of the year. I've run into him a couple times and was just wondering. Oh, and he's not even gay for the record."
"I dunno 'bout that. He sometimes acts it. He won't change for gym in the change room with everyone else, and even then only wears jogging pants and like two shirts. He puts a t-shirt over a long sleeve, summer and winter, and never breaks a sweat."
"Yeah, I caught on to him being body shy. But have you ever seen why? He's so skinny you can see like every bone through his skin."
"Huh. Well he does look like a toothpick so I guess that makes good sense. Now that you mention it, I remember he'd like wear jogging pants under his jeans too in the winter last year. I thought it was to stay warm, probably is; probably because he has nothing else to keep him warm."
Jase can't keep quiet any longer, "So what's with the interest? Want Sasha to get you his number?"
"Shut up old man! No, I was just wondering what Sasha thought of him, thank you very much. My bro and his girlfriend are trying to get me to hang out with him. It's like we're being set up on a blind date, minus the date."
"Oh. Very well my young padawan."
"I didn't call you master. I said old man because you were born twenty years ahead of us based on the music you listen to and the squash you're teaching me. My brother's friend does a great Chewbacca, or so I hear. Dude, you sound like Chewbacca when we play! Arrrr! Ooorr! Waaaa! Yeah, you're definitely more Wookie than Jedi master. Thank gawd you don't sound like that when you sing! You are really a creepy old man disguised as a teenager. Either that or you're an alien sent to destroy us by discovering our ways but got caught up on squash, pot, acoustic guitars, and Simon and Garfunkel."
Jase smiles. Truth is, it's the year 2000 and he'd be hard pressed to name more than a handful of hit songs he likes from the 80's or 90's. He's totally in love with both squash and his parent's folk music scene, "Don't dis S and G. They were pioneers!"
Turning back to Sasha I ask, "Do you ever talk to him?"
"Nah. Like I said, he doesn't seem to talk to anyone lately."
"Oh. I was hoping you talked to him. I kinda invited him over to my place this afternoon, not really thinking he'd come. But I offered him Nibs and he rolled his eyes and agreed. Long story, don't ask. So when he gets off work at 2 he's coming over and I was hoping you knew him and would come over too."
"What are you going to offer me if I do it? If he gets Nibs I should get like Cherry Blasters or summin."
"Hey, if you want me to blast you're cherry I'm game. Didn't think you felt that way about me, but that's cool. Still, I think we should save your first time for when it's just us alone, make it special for ya."
"Hardy har-har. Just because I'm irresistible and you'd sleep with me doesn't mean you fit my standards. Now Ben on the other hand..."
I see Benji wince as we freely banter. Jase and Sasha probably think it means something along the lines of Benji not wanting to picture that image of guys doing it, especially once Sasha drags his name into it. I however know it's because he doesn't want to picture me with another guy. Just because he cast me away doesn't mean I can't see that it's hurting him more than me.
Sasha says, "Yeah sure, you still got Sonic Jam? I feel like kicking your ass at it so why not? But I have to get to Grandma and Grandpa's by like 4, maybe 4:30 or my mom will shoot me. I'm amazed she even gave me till then."
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After water polo practice on Wednesday I have my date set up with Keith. I know it's just coffee, but still it's the first time in my life I'll actually be going out on a date. I am so excited that I just float through my day Tuesday. After school and the gym I decide I need new clothes for my date so I drag Yvonne with me and hit Banana Republic. I blow way too much of my bank account on a sharp black button down shirt and pants, not to mention the bottle of Sexual cologne I pick up at Scent Shoppe, or on the red suspenders Yvonne picks out for me while I buy my newest pair of `lucky boxers' at The Top Drawer. Yeah, I know the suspenders sound geeky, but they actually go damn well with the outfit and make me look playful while still dressed up.
I can't focus through most of the practice Wednesday. I either make awesome shots and muff up easy passes or send the ball nowhere near the net after making an insane play around a defender. When Coach Brian blows the whistle that signals all of us to hit the showers I am somewhere between giddy and petrified inside. When we dress I can't believe Keith is wearing runners, track pants, a v-neck t-shirt, and an Adidas hoodie.
Both dressed Keith asks, "Duncan, you are dressed very special for me, where do you want to go?"
I try to hide my disappointment, "I dunno. There's a Tim Horton's a few blocks away. A pretty sweet Starbucks by the student centre or if you want dessert too there's Demetre's on the other side of the campus."
"That is a good one," He laughs.
"Well, how about you," I ask, not sure why he thinks my suggestions suck.
He's still laughing, "What? Like in a bathroom stall. You are either sexually deviant or really good. That would be agreeable! I would like dessert from you too, so let us go to Demetre's. Have you ever done this before there?"
"Nope, not that one," I answer, all of a sudden not too sure what exactly it is that I'm answering.
He's Asian, but he usually speaks English with no accent or inflection whatsoever. Like perfect, proper English, never any slang or contractions. He playfully uses a mock-Japanese accent, "Are you going to drive then Duncan? It is a good twenty minute walk. Crotch sweat serves as good lubricant, but it does also rule out dessert."
At first I laugh at him, because of his voice, but then the words hit me and I stop dead in my tracks, "What?"
"Forget it, I did not say anything. Where is your car Duncan?"
"Uh, with my parents."
"Oh. Sorry to ask you this Duncan, but I have got this feeling and I need to know; how old are you Duncan?"
"Almost 17, why?"
"Yes. This realization just occurred to me. I am 19."
"Oh. But you said you're from Templeton. I just assumed it was your high school."
"Yes, I do live right by it but I am from Tokyo. I am with my Auntie and Uncle here to study at the University of British Columbia."
"Oh. Sorry. I guess the date's off then, huh?"
"Date? No. No, the date is still on. You are dressed too good for me to let it be for waste. Let us hit Starbucks, if you even drink coffee."
"Nah, but that's cool. They have a great white hot-chocolate."
"So even though you were thinking this was a date and we would really just have coffee, you were not even going to have a real coffee?"
"Guess not. Uh, whatcha mean by real coffee? I'm a little confused. I get it that I'm too young for you to date, and you feel bad that I'm like way overdressed, but that's about all I get here."
"When a guy asks you out for coffee, especially on the computer, he really means sex. It is code word for sex. Even a Japanese immigrant such as I learn that meeting for coffee means sex, not a drink and a donut."
"Oh," I say before I get what he means, "OH! We were going to have sex?"
"Yes, oh. Tell me Duncan, if you are 17 then how did you get your tattoo? I mis-thought that because of it you had to be at least 18."
"Fake ID. I'm as tall as my brother now, even though he's way more built. But I look just like his driver's license except for the hair," I tell him, my disappointment obvious.
"I am sorry I was unclear about my intentions."
"Don't be. It's my fault I didn't know. And I seriously thought you were like my age and went to Templeton."
"Yes, why are you practicing with us anyhow? No insult intended."
"None taken. Here I thought we were gonna have a date, but you thought I was worth jumping right to the deed with, and you were seriously going to do the nasty with me in a public bathroom. I'll take that as a testament to my good looks and charm!"
"Have I told you that you are cute?"
"Yeah, when you asked me out for coffee. As for the team, Brian coaches the city club and lets us practice with you guys in the off-seasons. So you really were going to have sex with me?"
"Yes," he shyly confirms, "Duncan, you are big and solid and very handsome. But you are jail meat."
"Jail bait," I correct him, "Cool. So what brings you to Vancouver from Japan?"
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The next day on the way to school I share my experience with Benji. It's a little mean spirited on my part, that Benji can't say anything because a bunch of our friends are with us. Kimi and I can both see his discomfort.
Here's the deal. Sometimes Benji just needs a push to get where he's going. He thinks he chose Katy over me. He hasn't and we both damn well know it. He's chosen to avoid dealing with his feelings for me. I see him with Katy. He is too stone cold with her whereas I have personal experience how tender and loving he can be. He loves to hold me and be held by me. Taking a lesson from Yvonne when I came out to her, I can see Benji shies away from too much physical contact with Katy. It's got to mean something.
If he were doing anything serious with her beyond kissing and fondling he'd tell me. It's how he is. Needing to talk to someone about it, I would be that person. At least I think. His mom and Kimi seem to think he's devoid of emotion. I know otherwise. I'm near certain he isn't lifting the plates of armour he hides his heart behind and spilling his inner feelings to Ian. No, he would turn to me and only me, because he always does.
I know he's conflicted. I know what he really wants. What I don't know is if he's ever going to make that leap and decide he can navigate life with a dude, namely me, as his lover. That's my dilemma. Playing mind games with him is one thing, throwing it in his face that I am now moving on. But still, I temper that with looks and smiles to let him know that I love him more than anything else in my life. Am I playing to a double standard here? Too bad! He's done that with me all along. A little taste of his own medicine might do him some good. I just want him to stop sitting his life out, get off the sidelines and be my friend, lover and boyfriend.
He's been my obsession all through high school, and if he just would have gotten over himself back in grade nine when I humped his leg and molested him in bed we would be so far ahead in life. We've wasted three years doing this dance. If he just could have picked his hand up back then and fondled me back, or kissed me sooner, these last three years could have been a lot easier. No one gives a rats ass that I'm gay. They wouldn't care that he is too. We've wasted so much precious life on him discovering who he is. I'm about ready to konk him over the head and beat the realization into him, but instead my only viable choice is to withhold sex from him.
Two days. That's all it takes before Benji is making an excuse to spend the night with me. Fully licensed to drive now, Benji takes Kimi and I to their cottage. I know Benji's resolve is weakening, but I intend to keep mine strong. He can't just keep coming back to me for gay sex and my love. If he wants that he has to buy the whole package; he has to give me all of his love in return for mine. Short of that I am not giving him anything more other than everlasting friendship.
Friday night I take one of the bedrooms and make it clear to Benji that I intend to be the bed's solo occupant. Kimi helps me out by nattering at Benji that he can't have me back to use now that he threw me away.
Saturday night Benji again admits defeat, aquiesting to my wishes. He goes to bed early, leaving Kimi and I alone to watch the last half of second game of the Hockey Night In Canada double-header before we both go to bed. I'm tired too, but I can't bitch out on my beloved Canucks!
Dressing in each other's clothes seems natural to us so I don't mind Benji still doing that. Rifling through my backpack of clothes on Sunday Benji comes up with a thong.
He raises an eyebrow, "This is new. A memento from a Scottish boy?"
"Oh gawd Ben. That! Um, that's kinda a strange story," I laugh.
"Care to share?"
"O.K. There's this guy I met online. He's kinda cute but that's beside the point. He lives in Texas and we're sort of becoming really good friends. We'd talk about you, and about his boyfriend and stuff. You know; gay life. I'm sorry up front, but as cool as Brennan and Kimi are, some things I just don't want to share with them. Like sex or our clothes exchange for example, but I wonder if it makes you and I freaks, so I talk about it with him. He's harmless and it's not like we're going to run into each other on the street or something..."
"Woah boy! Slow down," He says.
"Right. Well, here's the deal. So he knows that you and I exchange jocks. One day he had a friend telling him that to play baseball with the guys he should wear one. Thing is, he'd never worn one before and was all embarrassed. So he asked me for some pointers on how to buy one. I don't think he ever did buy one."
Benji's just staring at me. There's a little smile playing across his lips at least.
"Anyhow, I kinda sorta maybe shipped him all my baseball stuff from last year. I thought he'd email me back one day and tell me he turned it over to the cops and I have a 5 minute head start before they come to arrest me for it. So he wears a cup that you and I swapped back and forth before you bought us matching hockey underwear."
"That doesn't explain this," he says, holding up the thong.
"I know. I'm getting there. He went to New York with his boyfriend this summer for a week, while I was in Scotland. His boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend now, bought him some underwear there. That was one of them."
"Uh huh?"
"Oh, and I sort of sparked something in him. He had a thong from this boyfriend already, and I think he liked the idea of you and I swapping boxers and our little underwear fetish. When he was in New York a guy they hooked up with left his boxers behind and Jon kept them. He also took a pair of jeans from his best friend without permission at first. Now he's like a clothes thief or something, stealing from friends and such."
"Sounds sick," He says. I'm not certain the disdain in his voice is fake or real.
"Yeah? I'm pretty sure your mom bought you these ones that I'm wearing," I say, tugging at the boxers I'm wearing that I also happen to know for a fact used to be his, "and we both know my mom bought those sports briefs you're wearing because I didn't like them and gave them to you. And we've always shared clothes. Sick? Anyhow. So one day these are in the mailbox from him as a thank you. He's worn them but they're too big on him, so he decided to surprise me with them."
He asks me, "You done?"
"Pretty much, yeah," I say.
"Sick, as in cool, not as in gross," He corrects me.
"Oh. You're spending too much time with Ian you know. You're starting to sound like him," I joke. Truth is I mean it. I may be the one putting the wedge between us, but that doesn't mean I don't miss the love of my life daily and am a tad jealous of anyone who gets his time.
Inspecting the thong he asks, "Have you worn them?"
"Yeah, I have."
"Do you like?"
"Yeah, they fit and look great, but I'm not so big on the feel."
"You like the look? Would you like to see me in them?"
"It would sure beat the fantasy. Just slap me around a little when you do so I know it's real?"
"Give me them then, I'll surprise you with them one day."
"Aight yo!"
"So, this Keith. Tell me about him. Do you really like him? And Miso. What's the deal with him too?"
[to be continued]