The breeze coming from the sea reminded me it was almost November. The beautiful weather had kept up long but I felt it would soon change. I was reminded of Chicago. I had only been gone for little over a month but it seemed longer. Being so far removed from what I knew as home. Not just the distance, but in everything. My parents were wealthy but they tried too hard. Although I would never admit it to Edward, we were quite common. My mother never let the maids do everything by themselves. I had to smile as I saw her in my head, running around with her duster. Or folding the sheets with that new maid. My father had no problem being rich, but he was hardly cultivated. For all his fancy whiskey and cigars, he only read the funnies. Ian and I had been sent to good schools, so I didn't feel out of place in Newbourn. I could write papers and debate like the best of them. I felt at home in the regatta ridden crowd. The Hamptons didn't intimidate me. And if it came to being snubby, I could play along just fine. But it was a different world. The world of academics.
'Lost in thought?'
I looked aside, Charlie sat next to me and handed me a big cup of coffee.
'No, just letting the wind blow through my head.'
'Ah, the clouds of sleep.'
'Something like that.'
'Listen, about last night...'
'What about it?' I said, maybe a bit too fast.
'Are you uncomfortable or something?'
'No. As far as I'm concerned, it was no big deal.'
'Right. We were both horny.'
'Right. Did you tell Edward?'
'Nope.'
'Going to?'
'Are you?'
'No.' I replied. Again, too fast.
'Okay.'
We drank our coffee in silence. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and saw him doing the exact same thing. I choked on my coffee, laughing. He joined in and we just sat there, laughing. Every time we were almost over it, one of us started again. We must've looked like two schoolboys in a fit.
'Morning chaps, what's so funny?'
'Hrrmmph, nothing sweetie.'
'He calls you sweetie?' I asked, teasing, but secretly perplexed.
'He only does that when we had it off.' Edward replied dryly and took a sip of Charlie's cup.
Charlie decided not to open for business that day and took Edward for a walk on the beach. I stayed behind. I didn't want to intrude on their privacy. Actually, I felt guilty for last night and didn't want Edward to notice anything. Really, only this morning I'd had a peak under the veil of their relationship. It seemed odd, no not odd, but rather unfitting Edward to be in love. And I had not a clue if he was. Maybe he just acted like it, for Charlie's sake. Or his own. I just couldn't wrap my head around this guy. Figuring him out was proving more difficult than I'd imagined.
It provided me with the time to practice the violin. Something I hadn't really been able to at school. But this Sunday afternoon was the perfect time. And this was the perfect location. Edward had made a point of walking downwind, so he could hear me play. I tried getting some classical pieces back in my fingers. After only ten minutes I shed my wool sweater, and played on in my undershirt. The notes sprang from my fingers more fluently than they had in a long time. Every now and then I saw Edward turning around, pretending to be my conductor. With swaying arms he stood on the beach, his figure faded by the bright light and wind blown sand. My thoughts drifted towards Thomas and my playing went amiss. From the distance Edward scolded at me, but the wind drove his voice in the other direction. I gave him the finger.
Lighting a cigarette I went to the kitchen to make myself another cup of coffee. Though the interior design left much to be desired, I had to admit this place had a homeliness to it. If you saw beyond the beach fisherman paraphernalia, the inn held a warm atmosphere.
Edward was walking back, alone. Charlie stayed behind, facing the ocean. Even from this distance I could read his body language. He looked amiss. Sullen and lost. Edward had a brisk step but it would take him about ten minutes to get back, I figured. Time enough for me to slightly panic. Had Charlie told him of the events that had passed last night? I prayed to God he hadn't. Edward either wouldn't care or be furious, I knew that much. And by the look of it, he wasn't happy. I braced for impact and took another drag.
Stomping up the stairs, Edward looked past me. He wasn't mad though. It was something else. Was he hurt? I couldn't tell. Edward had closed himself off, that I could tell.
'I'm packing, you coming?' he asked, or rather ordered.
'Sure.' I followed him up the stairs. Better not agitate him now, we had two hours of driving ahead of us.
I quickly threw my stuff in my overnight bag. Edward came in my room and put his neatly folded clothes on the bed. I knew what this meant. Whenever Edward had something on his mind he couldn't articulate right away, he cleaned. Or folded. Or washed. It relaxed him and gave him some time to focus and arrange his thoughts.
'We're leaving?' I asked with a forced air of nonchalance.
'We'll be back in time for dinner. I want to get a good night's sleep, early class tomorrow.'
'Okay.'
We drove off in silence. Edward stared out of the window, no longer with that hard look on his face, but with one of confusion.
'You alright?' I asked, compassionately.
An indistinguishable sound was his only reply.
Five minutes later, he sighed and crossed his arms.
'I always thought there was a perk to being queer.' He said, defeated.
'Aside from cocks?' I tried to joke.
'Whenever a friend would bitch about his girl, I laughed. No such problems with guys, I thought. Let me tell you, it's a lie.'
'What happened?'
'We had a very clear understanding about this kind of things, or at least, I had.'
'Fill me in here.' I replied, more comfortable now that I got the impression this was not about last night.
'He wants more.'
'More of what?'
'More of me. Of my time. My attention, whatever.'
'Oh.'
'Yes, OH! What the hell does he expect? I'm two hours away. He's always working, stuck at the seashore. And I'm in Newbourn. It just wouldn't work. It can't!'
'Maybe it's worth a try.'
'I don't mean to discourage you, Dannyboy. But I hardly believe in lasting relations between men. And I surely don't believe in such a thing ad proxy.' He replied with a harshness I had never heard in his voice before.
'That's too bad.'
'It is.' And I felt this was not open for discussion.
The trip home was a quiet one. Edward sulked and sighed for two straight hours. I kept my eyes on the road. Ever so often I would comment on something we passed. But I was either shot down or completely ignored, so after a handful of attempts I gave up. No use in trying to cheer up a man who just wants to feel rotten. And I was sure that was it. For all his enthusiasm and energy, Edward had his bad moments. And if he felt bad, everything and everybody would have to bear the brunt. I wondered when the outburst of ranting insults would come. Usually it only took him a short meditative session of sulking to get charged up. And seeing as he took his time, the outburst would be of volcanic proportions.
We arrived on campus grounds and I neatly parked Patty Hendersmith's car. Edward got out and I took our bag and checked if we left everything in order. I was catching up to Edward when I saw Donnie and Rosie -actually Donald Bellmore Jr. III and Rosalind Alberta Pembrook, the couple born to fulfil every WASP fantasy- walking up to Edward, all big smiles. I tried to warn them and waved a big "Run for the hills! DO NOT TALK TO HIM!", looking like one of those guys you see on the tarmac. To no avail. All charm and pleasantness they stopped Edward and said something to him. I arrived just on time for the fireworks.
'Listen you little pedigree harlot, even if I suffered the bubonic plague and was shunned by aaaallll the villagers,' he made a wide arm gesture, 'I wouldn't consider dignifying your petty excuse for a soiree by my festering presence.'
Rosie, one had to admire the control of her facial musculature, remained calm but looked at sternly at Edward and only slightly raised her eyebrow. Her other half however saw himself forced to defend the honour of his betrothed.
'Edward, you will not talk to Rosie like that. We have always held you in high regards. Be civil, we invited you to a party. If you're not in the mood, decline. Gracefully.' He delivered it like he was reprimanding a younger sibling. Big mistake.
Edward took a menacing step forward. Even though the Varsity linebacker had a head length and a hundred pounds on Edward he backed off. Edward's face turned crimson, his eyes bulged out of their sockets and with a with a roar he spat 'SOD OFF!'.
It was of a more than respectable volume and heads turned. Edward pushed Donnie aside and stomped across the lawn, blazing. The three of us were left standing, but barely.
'Had a nice weekend then?' Rosie asked.
'Oh, marvellous, the Hamptons.' I answered facetiously.
'Grand.' Donnie joined in.
'We'd invite you, but previous experiences taught me to handle these things with care.' Rosie joked.
'Don't worry, civility is my middle name.'
'In that case: soiree in the Duquesne orangerie.'
'Do I bring something?'
'Manners will be fine.' Donnie replied dryly.
'Dresscode?'
'Casual.'
'Great, see you later.'
'Good luck.' They said in unison and strolled off, hand in hand. Okay, they were a bit much.
Edward left a trail of bystanders, all very sympathetic to my task at hand. Ugh, always with the drama. He was already in our room, tidying up as expected. He would one day make an outstanding frustrated housewife.
'That was quite the performance.'
'Oh don't you start. There's some left for you if can't help yourself.'
'I'm going for dinner. You just cool off and clean the house.'
No answer, just a glare at my side of the room. Which was an utter mess. That'll calm him down.
'Do you want me to bring you something?'
'Not hungry. Go.'
So I did. Yeesh, such a temper.
The dining hall was relatively quiet. I had dinner with some guys from the team. We mostly talked about the upcoming Harvard Regatta, which was next weekend. Us Juniors wouldn't be participating, but it was beyond question we would attend.
After dinner I went to take a shower and slip into "casual" attire. A soiree hosted by the wonderful Mr. And Mrs. Elegance had its own set of rules. I wasn't aware of all of them yet, but I knew "casual" wasn't casual. It meant you didn't need to come in a tux. I chose light grey wool trousers with a tight weave, my two tones, a matching vest, but was left with a dilemma when it came to shirts.
'Don't take the light blue.' Edward said with his usual ennui.
'Why not?'
'You wear that too often. Take the white one.'
The white shirt was a great shirt but I couldn't wear a tie on it. It wasn't the kind you could button up, it was more of a summer shirt. When I related this to Edward he sighed and walked up to me. Unbuttoning the blue shirt he looked me in the eyes and for the first time that night I saw a smile on his face.
'Feeling better?' I asked as he tugged the shirt out of my pants.
'Don't push it, I just like undressing guys.' He answered flippant.
He slid the shirt of my shoulders and his fingers lightly brushed my skin. I shivered involuntarily. My nipples hardened and Edward smiled again.
'Feeling pretty good yourself, no?'
'So, the white one then?' I changed the subject.
He took it off the hanger and eased me into it, like a real tailor would. A real tailor wouldn't button me up the way he did though. Edward was well aware I liked the attention, and he didn't bother to hide his own enjoyment.
'Are you sure you're not coming with?'
'I'll write them a card.' Was his dry remark.
'Edward, if you turn up being your charming self, I'm sure they'll forget about earlier.'
'I don't feel like it.'
'Suit yourself.'
The soiree really was a soiree. I liked Donnie and Rosie; they were fun, intelligent and sweet. But on occasions as these they often turned into Donald and Rosalind. The snacks were catered. The evening was planned. Rosie entertained her guests as Donnie fixed the drinks. "impromptu" was an alien concept for these two. They were the kind of couple that would still be exactly the same twenty years from now. Just add two kids and a dog that fetched and never peed on the rug. Thankfully someone slipped her a Long Island Ice-tea. So after about an hour of being forty year olds, we were finally permitted to go back to being in college. And I had a good time. Turns out one of Donnie's teammates went to high school with Thom and they were close. He had seen us together around campus and decided it was time to introduce himself. Not quite sure how to respond to his observation I just played along and was a friend of Thom's. He would tell me some of the glorious and not so glorious moments of high school Thom. In a way people would when they finally met the long expected wife. Or husband in this case. While we talked the wheels in my head were turning. How much did he know? And what had he presumed by himself? As far as I knew, Thom wasn't really out. And I was sure he hadn't told anyone about us. But Calvin went on and on, undisturbed, and treated me like his best friend's wife. A very bizarre experience. He continuously scoped me out, in a very subtle manner. From time to time he would refer to me and Thom as 'you guys' and read my reaction. Whenever I tried to shrug it off and pretend we were just friends he would smile knowingly and change subject. Damn this guy was suave. He got as much information from me as he could without being intrusive or embarrassing me. His looks got him a long way. Calvin was well built, with a well balanced mix of butch and sophistication. A dirty blonde, with ice blue eyes and pink lips that curled in a very seductive smile. A strong jaw line and pronounced cheekbones. When he talked he gesticulated a lot and his voice captivated his audience. And he had this way of keeping your focus entirely on himself. Calvin used every trick in the book to win me over. Around midnight I went to bed and his handshake lingered as he smiled at me with a understanding eyes. I would definitely need to ask Thom about him. What the hell was his deal?