A personal note from the author:
I saw it has already been more than a year, or almost two, since my last post.
Consequently I have no clue if any of you have read the previous chapters, and think this is way overdue. I know I do.
A short-lived relationship that was surprisingly inconsequential and a few decisions that have kept me occupied later, here I am. I've taken my time going through Dylan's journal, since it needed some streamlining. There are quite some frayed edges in it starting 1937 and I took the liberty to work out some of the storylines and characters that appear. Omitting them would be a shame and leaving them as they are would give a very incoherent result.
My grandmother, not having a clue what I've been doing with the journal, urged me to start writing again about a moth ago. You see, these days I'm keeping myself occupied with a more manual labour than I used to. It is rewarding and creatively fulfilling but it leaves the other side of my brain somewhat starved.
So, since I have no bf to pull me away from the rom-antics of an American boy in the thirties and need an outlet for letters, here goes.
Chapter XII
The holidays at home were uneventful. My mother wanted to know all about my studies. My father wanted to know if I'd changed my mind about a business major or at least law school. When I assured him I hadn't the slightest inclination to give up Literature and Art History he tactfully switched the subject to Crew. I was grateful; it could have been an ugly Christmas. And my brother, as was to be expected, wanted to know all about the girls. How many were there? How was I doing with them? And so on... I have to admit I enjoyed making up the circumstances of my conquests. Some were adapted from real life, Thom that is. And some were bullshit. To see his face lighting up, convinced his little brother was stud of the campus made it all worthwhile. It may have been the cowards or even crowd pleasers way out, but I was not about to tell my brother I had fallen in love with a guy. I was glad to have seen my family but after a few days I became restless. There were midterms waiting for me, and a different life. So I announced my impending departure and braced for a wave of my mother's discontent. She was quite sweet though and just seemed sad to see me go.
My break of routine was quickly fixed and after two days on campus I was poised and ready. With a drive that was unusual, even for me, I trampled through my books and stuffed my head with everything in them. I kept some mean hours. Waking up at six I showered then had a quick run, breakfast and was behind my desk at eight thirty. I would then study 'till twelve, do some interval training, lunch, and then study until six. After six I went for practice and then do dinner with Thom. We would then study some more for as long as we could before jumping each other. After that the night would unravel in a paradise of sexual bliss. But I forced myself out of bed at six every morning. Usually I left my boyfriend clawing at the empty space in his bed. Much to my own regret, but I was very determined to do well on the exams.
One morning as I sprinted to the oak tree at Barstow Hall a familiar figure stood in the distance. I squinted my eyes for better sight because of the bright winter light. It was a big guy, he looked oddly out of place in the way he walked around the grounds. Usually I took my slow run the other way but out of curiosity I decided to head for the guy.
After only a few strides I recognised who it was. There, on totally unfamiliar territory, was Charlie. His broad frame in a wool knit sweater and one of those navy-blue fisherman's caps on his head he looked the part. Like a castaway sailor in exotic lands he wandered around.
'Hey Charlie!' I called out and ran up to him. He turned and broke into a big grin on seeing me.
'Hi, Dylan.' He said and pulled me in for a quick hug.
'What are you doing here?'
He smiled unsure and shrugged.
'You know Edward is in New York for the holidays, right?'
His face dropped and he made no attempt to hide his disappointment.
'Tell you what, I'll get changed and we'll go for lunch.'
'Is this Ed's bed?'
I turned around, tossing my t-shirt on my bed and saw Charlie sitting on Edwards.
'Yeah.'
'Thought so, it smells like him.'
I smiled and stepped out of my sweat pants. Charlie took in the sights of my naked body and I can't say I minded. My jockeys fell to the ground and I turned to grab some fresh clothes out of the closet. I caught Charlie rubbing his crotch in the mirror and chuckled.
'Enjoying the show?' I teased.
'Last time it was too dark to get a good look at you.' He offered.
'Yeah...' I trailed and a flash of our encounter came back. I shrugged it off and put on my clothes; a bit slower than usual.
We settled for a simple lunch in one of the town diners. I did most of the talking, as Charlie seemed pensive.
'Where is he staying?' he asked suddenly.
'With a friend.'
'What kind of friend?' Charlie made no effort to hide his jealousy.
'A guy from class I think. They were going to study together.'
'Why can't he study here?'
I leaned back in my chair and sighed.
'Listen Charlie, it's really not my place to find excuses or whatever.'
'So, he's seeing someone else?' he asked, a little too loud. No one seemed to mind but I sensed this conversation shouldn't be held in public. I went to the counter and paid, then motioned Charlie to follow me outside. 'Let's go for a walk, Chuck.'
'I don't really know what the deal is with you guys. Edward doesn't talk about those things much. And I can't tell you for sure he's not seeing someone else.'
'So you think he is?'
'Charlie, you know how these things go. Or maybe you don't. On campus there's a lot going on, but we have to be careful. So things aren't always that clear. For instance, only a handful of people know about Thom and I. Those that haven't figured it out by now, most likely never will. We all move in the shadows Charlie.'
'But you live with him. You've got the eye, surely you must have some idea.'
'Edward has a lot of friends on campus. And he doesn't always sleep in his own bed. That's all I know.'
'He never tells you anything?'
'Never anything of importance.' We walked in silence for some minutes, coming to the edge of town. I hoisted myself on the wall that fenced the railroads and rolled a smoke.
Charlie sat next to me and lit a cigarette of his own.
'You know, I wish he didn't have to be so harsh.' He mumbled.
'He likes to seem very grown up and world wise.'
'Exactly. But why he has to push me away, I don't know.'
'Charlie, how successful do you think you would be together?'
'Very, or I wouldn't be standing here, now would I?'
'I guess not.'
'Why? Did you talk with Ed about this?' he asked sullenly.
I turned my head and studied his face in profile. He had the strong features I had grown up seeing all around me. A very Irish head. A very handsome head. He was the kind of man whose beauty would only become more apparent as he aged. He reminded me of my uncle Callum when he was younger. They both had the same sadness in their eyes.
'Edward is confused, that's all I know.'
A joyless laugh escaped his lips. 'Yeah, he is. Well, sorry for keeping you. I better get going.'
'Charlie...'
'It's okay Dylan. I'll be fine.' He hopped off the wall and dug inside his duffel coat. 'Give this to Ed if you will, okay?'
I took the little box and nodded.
'Take care Dylan.'
'You too.'
He walked away with hanging shoulders.
One week later exams started and Edward came back from New York.
At first I wasn't sure how to handle the situation so I kept my mouth shut. But after two days of being locked up in the same room with Edward and his fantastic stories from New York I had enough of it. I fished the box Charlie gave me out of the desk drawer and put it on Edward's copy of Witgenstein's Tractatus.
He stopped mid-sentence. 'He was here?' he asked with a small voice.
'Last week. He asked me to give you this.'
Edward thumbed the little box and I returned my eyes to my notes. I knew better than to talk right now. Edward gave a little sigh and put the box away. And that seemed to be the end of it.
"As the weather changed and the months passed our lives did not. I was content and so was Thomas. On Edward's behalf I cannot speak. He seemed complacent rather than content in his amorous routine. Of Charlie there was never a word. ... When summer came closer the winds came from the sea more often and I often imagined that with the salty smell so did return his regret. But perhaps it was my looming melancholy that in retrospect clouds my judgement."
Summer returned and my first year at Newbourn College was drawing to an end.
The winds were changing but I was unaware. Or I didn't want to see it.
If I had been honest with myself I would've found out sooner. Thom's mood had changed. His time was more spent on the rowing pond than in my arms. His weekends took him back to Boston more often. And when he returned, he did so with a very strange demeanour. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it seemed as if he were sad. When we made love he had that same air to him. But it was still passionate and I didn't dare ask what was going on.
After our finals there was the last ball of the year. The entire campus seemed to be intoxicated one way or another. The chaperones pretended not to notice.
It was late at night when Thom and I were on our way to his room. Something had been bothering him all night, in fact all week. But I hadn't asked. Thoroughly inebriated as I was I decided to confront him.
'Thom, what's going on?'
'What do you mean?' It wasn't a question though. It sounded more like a last feeble attempt at pretending everything was all right.
'Just tell me.'
He stopped and leaned into a wall.
'I'm going to Italy for the summer.'
'Oh.'
'A present from my parents.'
'Right. All by yourself?'
'Most of the time. But I'm staying at the Winterton's place in Tuscany in between outings.
'Well, have fun.' I said and turned around. What should have been a brisk stride was more of a drunken waddle, but the sentiment was the same. He called after me but I didn't look back. For a moment I hoped he would follow, but he didn't.
The next morning, or rather noon, I woke up with a terrible hangover. The drink wasn't the only accomplice. I stared at the ceiling and listened to the noises of my hall-mates moving out. Laughter and goodbyes filled the air. I was not in the mood.
It took me two hours to get out of bed, showered and dressed. Edwards's stuff was all gone and I felt betrayed by everyone close. I was going into pity party full speed.
Most of my stuff was already stored in a school basement to be retrieved after the summer. Only two suitcases waited at my door. On one of them was a note.
" O'Keafe,
I met your Golem in the hallway. Quaint fellow, he is. Just lumbering around, he told me to give you a kiss. After one year he still doesn't quite seem to get me.
I'm off to Shorebrook, we'll see how things play out.
Enjoy your summer and have a safe trip,
Yours truly,
Edward Buntings III."
There we were. Truly abandoned. With a sullen face I lifted the suitcases and made my way across the grounds. Back home.