In Skater's Time
Chapter 3 The Big Three
It took another week to learn the names of the boys that appeared most often at the back of the mall. There were two distinct groups. The first one I tried to gain access to was made up of guys my age. This was the only place where they settled long enough for me to approach them, although I'd seen most of the faces inside the mall.
When I did feel comfortable enough to say something, they usually all grew silent and looked at me until they were absolutely sure I wasn't going to say anything else, and then they pick up where they'd left off, shutting me out once again. I just spent a lot of time listening and lying on my back looking into the deep blue sky over San Diego.
By the second week I found a second group of boys. They came earlier in the day and there was no sign of them when the older boys took over the lawn. These guys were closer to Gordo's age than mine. They were mostly in middle school and full of themselves, having nothing on their minds but girls, booze, and skates. They were immediately suspicious when I arrived on their turf.
It was the day that Gordo skated up that I finally found myself invited into the younger boy's group, and soon we were old friends.
"Sup, Z?" Gordo said, extending his hand down to shake mine.
"You guys know, Z. He's kewl. He's from Phoenix."
How easy was that?
Being older gave me status that I wouldn't get with the older boys. Everyone wanted to hear about Phoenix and what the boys there were doing, smoking, and drinking. These guys all smoked, spit incessantly, and were constantly toying with their Spandex, many finding it necessary to lie on their stomachs from time to time when the Spandex gave away too much.
It was very much the same in Phoenix except for the casual attitude and a suggestion from Gordo that came while some guys went for refreshments and to scout out some girls.
"Want to go somewhere," Gordo said once we ended up on one side of the group.
"I saw you in the mall two times. You ignored me totally," I said, thinking direct was best. "We either know each other or we don't. I don't do part time friends, Gordo."
"Yeah, well, I introduced you around didn't I?" He defended. "I don't know you that well. I've got a rep. Some stuff you can't let get around, you know. I don't know who you been with."
"I been with you is all. It's the first thing you wanted to do," I objected strenuously. "Guys don't do that to each other in Phoenix. No one I know anyway."
"Really! Lucky you met me, huh?"
His knee bent and moved up over my bare thigh, but he didn't seem to notice as I watched it.
"I thought so until I saw you in the mall."
"Some times it's kewl, okay. Sometime it ain't kewl. In the mall when I'm with the ladies, it just ain't, okay."
"Okay," I said, not wanting trouble with him.
"Want to meet someone?" Gordo said.
"Yeah," I said, thinking I wanted to meet anyone.
"He's older. I was going over there before I saw you. Since you don't know anyone, I'll show you where he lives."
We skated out behind the mall and went up the main drag until we reached Arapaho. I stayed just behind him and watched the way his Spandex moved on what seemed to be a rather fleshy bottom for such a thin boy. He never hesitated at corners or when the lights went against us, charging ever onward up a long hill until he zipped into a parking lot, grabbed his board and charged up some stairs ahead of us. He never looked back to see where I was, but I was close.
First he knocked on the door and then he banged and banged again after twenty seconds.
"Take it easy," the man said as he swung the door open. "Can't you give me a chance to get to the door?"
The guy was tall and old. Not old old but way older than us. He hadn't shaved and he was in a white T and blue boxers that you couldn't see for the T. His legs were hairy and he had no shoes.
"No!" Gordo said, using his elbow to dislodge the man from the door as he went uninvited into the messy living room.
The man looked at me suspiciously as I stood there, looking quite out of place. He had rather dark green eyes and dark hair. He wasn't skinny but he wasn't fat either. I guess he was like your average mid-twenties dude but I hadn't seen any in their underwear, so I wasn't sure.
"Oh, yeah, that's Z, he's kewl," Gordo said after dropping down on the couch and pushing his feet up into the middle of the coffee table.
"I'm Pat," the man said, quickly pushing his hand out the door to shake mine. He stood to one side and seemed to be inviting me in. I still waited for the words. "Come on in before the neighbors start wondering."
He closed the door as I scurried past him and sat cautiously beside Gordo. He sat across the room in a maroon recliner. There were glasses, plates, and piles of papers stacked everywhere where things could be stacked, and when he ran out of places, he had started to stack stuff on the floor.
"I see your wife hasn't come back," Gordo said, looking at a Mad magazine he found on the floor beside the coffee table.
"I thought I told you not to bring anyone else up here, Gordo," Pat said firmly.
"Yeah, well, Z ain't no one. I told you he's kewl. He don't know no one and I was coming up here and you're good people and all. You know how it is. I couldn't get rid of him."
"Gordo!" I said.
"Look, I'm trying to help you out. Just don't you say anything else until I get done smoothing things out here," Gordo said just like he had taken me aside to give me his instructions. "Anyway, he's kewl, Pat, just a little slow."
I rolled my eyes to show my disapproval but I didn't interrupt him.
"That's what you said about that Donnie kid and he's here more than I am," Pat objected. "I can't get rid of him. Where do you find them?"
"Yeah, he's something else isn't he. Never gets enough and I got other fish to fry. I figured you two would get along fine," Gordo said.
"I'd like him more if he would go home," Pat said. "Don't, I repeat, don't bring anyone else up here with you. When I met you I wasn't looking for a date and I don't want to date your friends. I didn't know I was getting your entire dance card when I brought you home."
"Yeah, I know," Gordo said sounding dismissive. "Z's kewl. You'll like him too. I don't think he knows much. He's a virgin and I'm trying to help him out with that."
"I'm not either," I objected strenuously. "I never said that."
"I don't care if he's the Virgin Mary. I don't need to be fixed up with any more of your friends. You're a kid. I'm an adult. What if my wife decides to come back to me?"
"Take her a week to find you in this mess," Gordo said, looking at the stacks of stuff.
"I don't want to have to explain to anyone."
"I could go," I offered, wondering if I could wait at the end of the parking lot.
"He goes I go. That what you want?"
"No, that's not what I want. You're here now. What I want is for you not to bring me any more little boys. If you know a maid that works cheap I could handle that. You are fine. Why do you think I need anyone else."
"I thought you guys couldn't get enough," Gordo said questioning. "That's what I always heard."
"Just what you guys do you have in mind?" Pat quizzed.
"Gay guys!"
"I'm not gay. I'm married. Do you really think about what you say before you say it or does this stuff just pop out?"
"Sure! I mean I thought guys that blew were gay. My mistake."
"Are you gay?" Pat said in a very accusatory voice.
"No, I'm not gay."
"Well?" Pat questioned further.
"Okay, okay, no need to tell all our business in front of him. I don't even know him."
"Oh gee, I thought you were old friends by the way you told him all about me. Gordo, everyone doesn't think guys your age should be hanging around with guys my age. Let's keep it down to your school and the immediate area."
"I wanted to see you. He's a nice guy. He won't make any trouble."
"Until I met you, Gordo, I hadn't done that since I was your age. It was your idea, not mine. You're the one that got this ball rolling."
"Oh, like you didn't like it? Pretty good for not having any practice in what, twenty years?"
"Closer to ten," Pat corrected. "I find it's like riding a bicycle."
"Yeah, well, all you had to do is say you didn't like it and I wouldn't have come back."
"I didn't say that. Once it was thrust at me it was fine by me. I just hadn't done it in awhile is all."
"Got that tape?" Gordo asked.
"Which?"
"You know the one. With the three babes and the dude."
"It's in the player," Pat said.
"We do have that in common. Three's the right number don't you think?"
"Fine by me," Pat said, getting up to push the play button and turn on the TV.
"Oh, dude, watch this. It's my favorite part," Gordo said to me.
The guy was fat. The chicks were old and it was disgusting. What they saw in it I don't have a clue but there we were watching the most intimate acts anyone could perform, except once you get it on video tape, I think it takes the intimacy out of it. Not that it bothers me if that's what they want to do and it was obvious that's what they wanted to do.
When I looked up Gordo was on Pat's lap and I had become invisible. One of Gordo's arms was around his neck and the other hand disappeared under his butt, but I had a good idea what he was doing with it. I knew all about that hand and neither of them was interested in the movie.
Spandex peels a lot like a wet bathing suit, when you watch from a distance anyway. I hadn't remembered how light Gordo's hair was and there was more of it than I remembered at least from this angle. He kept one arm around the Pat's neck as he fell on hard times, lifting Gordo up to make a full meal of it and Gordo raised his hips but no objects as he clung to the knowledge he held Pat's best interest in his hand.
It was quite a nice sized interest that grew with Gordo's assistance or perhaps it was from the happy meal he brought with him and that Pat made all gone with. Gordo's eyes closed after he watched intently for a time. He hugged himself tightly to Pat's neck, giving out with sounds of pleasant, until he gave him his just desserts. The movie sucked, Pat sucked, but being there to watch the live show didn't.
I'd never seen anything like that in Phoenix but I suspected I had come close once. I had been too young and too stupid to understand, that men and boys both had toys they liked to share, and given the right circumstances, sharing them with one another was possible. When facing this reality, I had dismissed it as something else, which most people do.
There were rumors about a park back home being the place where such people met for their activity. I was warned to stay clear of that place if I knew what was good for me and I did, until I was older than Gordo is now. Then I started skating down past it. Out of curiosity, you know. I just wanted to see what it looked like. I also thought, or hoped, I might meet someone like me. It was mostly way old men, way older than Pat. It's not that I couldn't be friends with one of them, I just couldn't see them slobbering all over my business, and I wasn't about to slobber over one of them.
Then one afternoon I noticed there were younger guys that came up quickly. They were different. They seemed quite nervous and apprehensive once they got to the park. They'd keep looking around until they would slip into the trees. Some times they'd come out with one of the older guys and some times they'd come out alone, but that took longer. I noticed these activities once I got brave enough to sit on the bench that was just inside the part and next to the street and the sidewalk so I could skate off in a flash if need be.
It was while sitting on that bench that I saw a neighbor from up the street being one of those younger nervous types. He was in too big a hurry to see me but I got out of there fast and never went back once I knew someone I knew was also visiting the park.
It was only then that I started thinking, what if one of my buds saw me hanging down there? What would they be doing there? It was way out of the lanes where we usually traveled. Once I saw Mr. Jensen, it just seemed too risky to me. Had I kept going back I knew that sooner or later I'd get up enough nerve to see what went on between the trees. My curiosity had already started to draw me closer on each visit until my neighbor showed up. I didn't know what I was looking for but I was sure I would find it amongst the pines.
I did start hanging around with Julia Jensen right after that. I suppose that was wrong. She was nice once we started talking to each other, but I knew my reasoning was dishonest. I had to find out about her father and I knew knowing her gave me access to him. First I had to get invited to the house and that took time, but then I was invited back by her mother. They sure were nice people then I was over a lot. It was way easier when I found out she was in love with Tommy Spratt. I stopped worrying about her having the wrong idea and we became better friends.
There was something that drew me to her father once I'd seen him down in that park. His daughter was my age, so he had to be in his thirties, but there were no signs of anything going on. I knew it was all a mistake by the time I had been over there a few times. He was married after all. He was this super nice man. He treated his daughter like she was a princess.
I watched his wife and him each time I was over. I looked for signs that everything wasn't what it seemed to be. They held hands some times while we watched television. They seemed to like each other quite a bit. There was Julia. I figured I was way off base. If it had been him he was there for a some other reason than for what most of the men went there for.
The summer before I had left Phoenix his wife had gone to stay with her sick sister in Minnesota. Julia had gone with her so I had absolutely no reason whatsoever to be over at her house, but I knew one reason why I had to go visit him. Everything I had seen said what happened in the park was a mistake, but there was no mistaking that I had seen him there and there was only one reason that men went there. I decided this was my chance to get closer to him.
"Hey, Z. Julia's in Minnesota. She didn't tell you?" He said, leaning on the door in his white T-shirt and sailing shorts. He had nice legs with only a moderate amount of hair.
"Yeah, she said she might be going with her mom. You must be all alone, huh?"
"I guess I am a bachelor for a few weeks. The house is really quiet. I'm not used to quiet, Z. Women keep things buzzing all the time."
"I bet you wish you had a son?" I said, without any thought being given to the question.
"You want some ice tea?" He asked, holding the door open for me like Pat had held his door open for Gordo. "I was just sitting out on the porch."
"I'd love some," I said, and I was alone with him in the house. It seemed exciting. Only he hardly noticed me.
"No, Z, I don't wish I had a son. I mean if Julia had been a boy it would have been okay, but we were only going to have one, so I'm glad it was a girl. Girls are way easier than boys."
He stood with his back to me as he spoke. He opened up a fresh tray of ice and filled up a gigantic glass with it. Then he added about six ounces of tea that filled it to the top. It was cold and sweet, just the way I liked it. He sat across from me and we talked to each other.
"I'd think boys are easier to raise," I said. "The clothes and the hair and all has to be a bit much."
"Boys are too complicated, Z," Mr. Jensen said.
"Huh? Boys are complicated. I thought girls were complicated. Boys like sports and vids and hangin' out."
"Not if you live with them. You learn that their needs are fairly direct and simple. Girls will pretty much spell out what they want and need from you. Boys are this jumble of confusion and contradiction that you can't figure out if you had written instructions that came with them. No, I'd take a girl every time. I'm a boy and I've never figured myself out yet. I'm still hoping though."
"You don't seem very confused to me. You seem like a very nice man. Julia is quite lucky you're her dad," I said with sincerity.
"Why thank you, Z. That's the nice thing anyone has said to me in a while. I never knew you even noticed me hanging around. Most of her friends don't notice me at all. I'm just the handy guy that goes for the popcorn and the pizza and soda."
"Well, I have and I think you're pretty neat."
"Is that why you came over? To see me?"
"I... I... I guess so. I mean I knew everyone was gone. I thought you might like some company for a few minutes."
"You're quite thoughtful. I do enjoy having someone around. I had no idea how lonely this place can get in the evening and on weekends. I've never been here alone for more than a day or two. I rarely get to talk to Julia's boyfriends. In fact they avoid me if they can. I'm glad you're comfortable around me. We'll have to take in a ballgame or something. Do you like sailing?"
No, I like parks, I thought to myself. I suddenly had this feeling that I shouldn't be there. Man, what was I doing? I knew what I expected to happen only nothing happened. Only he was married and I ran around with his daughter and he was a really nice guy and I was bozo. I felt bad about myself for expecting him to show me what I wanted to know about. He didn't go to the park because he wanted to be with a little kid.
"I got to go," I said as the guilt washed over me.
"Oh, okay, I was enjoying our conversation, Z. We've never really sat and talked. Come on over again if you like. I doubt they'll be back until just before school starts."
"Yeah, sure. Thanks for the tea. Got to run now."
I couldn't wait to get back to my board. I grabbed it from where I left it leaning next to his front door. I skated out of his driveway and down the middle of the street, dodging cars, kids, and bikes. My mind was racing and I felt dirty about myself. What was I doing? First I'd taken up with Julia to get close to her father and then, first chance I get, I'm over there hoping he'll do something with me. I didn't know what was wrong with me and I just skated until I couldn't skate any more.
I did think about him that night. He was so nice. Then I once again thought about seeing him that day in the park. My mind remembered his face clearly, although I had tried to tell myself it might not have been him. I did remember how he had looked around, being careful before committing himself to the woods. He looked exactly like I had felt when I skated away from his house. He looked guilty as hell about what he was about to do. There was no doubt it had been him and there was no doubt what he was there for. I wondered if he was struggling to understand why he was doing what he was doing? I don't know if he understood or not, but he still went into those woods.
What was it all about? Why couldn't things be simple and easy? Hey, I like you, Mr. Jensen, do you like me. I mean at least as well as the guys you meet in that park? Can you show me some stuff? I'll try to reciprocate if I can, but I want to know. I need to know, Mr. Jensen. I want you to show me because I know you're a nice man and you wouldn't harm me.
Unfortunately life wasn't that easy. Had I said any of those things to him, he'd have freaked out and sent me packing. He'd have accused me of being some kind of perverted nut case. It's exactly what I would do if someone said those things to me, and so I couldn't be honest about why I was there. I could only run away when it was time to get real about myself and what I knew about him. It's not the kind of thing anyone should know about a friend's father.
Who said we all had to hide everything so no one knows anything about the way anyone else feels? That's what he meant by boys being complicated. We were only complicated because we weren't able to be honest about our feelings. I'd go back and try again the next day. This time I wasn't about to chicken out. I had faced up to what Mr. Jensen was and now I had to face up to what I was. It seemed only right that he know as much about me as I knew about him.
"Man, someone else likes threes," Gordo said, standing in the middle of the room talking to me as he rearranged himself in his Spandex.
"What?" I said, realizing I'd been spacing out.
"That movie. It's our favorite, huh Pat?"
"Yeah, our favorite," Pat agreed.
"You need anything. I brung you up here cause you look like you need something," Gordo said to me. "Don't expect that from me."
"No, I don't. I'm cool."
"Hey, Patty, I need a couple bucks. There's this great Smashing Pumpkins' Album over at Tower. I got to have it, dude."
"I should ah figured you wanted something," Pat said.
"Oh, you're the hard working man can't spare a dime for a guy treats you as nice as I treat you. I got to earn money where I can, dude. I'm too young to get a job. Cut me some slack."
"My wallets on the table. I don't get paid for three days, so go easy on me," Pat said, pointing toward the dinning room.
I was surprised that he didn't supervise Gordo's withdrawal.
"It's twelve ninety nine," Gordo said, cringing once the words were loose.
"There's a five and a ten in there. Take 'em, but no more this week. I got to eat, you know."
"Fine way to talk. Me just giving you the best meal you've had in a week," Gordo said, kissing Pat's cheek as he held up the two bills for him to inspect.
"I think you get more out of it than I do," Pat said.
"You don't want me back," Gordo said, sounding insulted. "I got other friends."
"I never said that. I just don't need someone every day."
"Right! Not if Donnie's coming up here. That boy don't know no for no answer. Why do you think I gave him to you?" Gordo said, laughing.
"Yeah, well, I don't need more kids up here. No offense, whatever your name is. I don't know why I let him do this," Pat confessed to only me.
"We'll let ourselves out," Gordo said. "I'll see you in a couple days. Thanks, Pat. I owe you."
"Don't come wanting money until after I get paid," Pat said loudly as the door shut and we were back outside.
Jez Louise! I can't let my parents see this. Thank heavens for the Nifty Archives. What a great place to keep stuff safe. A guy can have his secrets, even let other dudes read about them, and still doesn't risk being found out by people who don't make any effort to understand this stuff.
How kewl is that?
I'll be back soon, okay.
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