Impossible Love

Impossible Love 74

Saturday night can't come soon enough, it seems like everyone is looking forward to it, people were sick to death of staying home in the warm, and it had been a nice day so moods were uplifted around the market.

I didn't get to see gran, I thought it best to just leave it be. When we arrived home the boys disappeared and said they will be an hour so Gianni and I played with the boys then showered to start getting ready for our night. We showered separately which was unheard of in our home but someone had to look out for the kids. Lukas wanted to wear his tracksuit pants and a woolly top I hadn't seen before.

'Nona." He said, so I agreed it will be warm and toasty for him, the babies will be wrapped up in their thick jumpsuits and caps and a few blankets for the trip down the road. Maxie and Tommaso arrived and they looked very nice, they had decided to wear suits tonight Gianni and I wore jeans and a nice jacket each. The boys came home and started dressing they wanted to wear suits that fit like a second skin they were so Italian and I must admit they looked beautiful.

"Where did you go?"

"To help Anna dress Antonio."

"Why Anna?"

"Because she asks us to make her look like a movie star."

"I see and does she?" I got a sour look off them both.

"Of course, why are you always doubting us?"

"I don't do that Leon, I think you are both very smart and I know Anna will look very nice."

"Thank you Antonio, now you can get into your suit please."

"No, I'm ready."

"No you are not and Gianni please place your suit on, you can't go out with our babies like that."

"Why not?"

"Because since having babies you have also looking like slack paupers."

"Oh, I didn't think of that."

We both changed grabbed the strollers, and left in the lift, if I had lit a match we would have all gone up in flames, so much aftershave to combust.

She looked gorgeous, our Anna had her hidden talents out again and I noticed a new wobble in them, the dress was sparkly canary yellow and the boobs were massive much to Gino's delight and Iris's disappointment, she had one of her Italian designs on but I think her choice was a little off tonight, she kept looking at Anna as we walked, I couldn't stop laughing.

"Well, you have won the first round, now for Sabine's reaction baby, well done."

"Well done the boys they did my makeup and hair."

"They did a great job, you look so beautiful."

I did notice also that Gino had an extra lump in his suit pants tonight.

"Make that your last laugh Antonio." Iris chided me.

"Yes nanny." I laughed again and got a slap in the process.

There was no Sabine when we arrived but that was nothing unusual, she likes to make an entrance, it's all about the entrance in her world.

Gran looked lovely and grandad was over with Stavros and his men, she looked a little better and insisted Lukas sit with her while the babies disappeared once more with Gianni chasing them.

Alice was quiet but she did look lovely with Federico on her arm and Nina and Pat had teamed up I think they both out sparkled everyone with their flowing gowns, I had no idea it was a ballroom kind of night.

"How are you feeling gran?"

"Very good Antonio I am sorry for my outburst the other day, I apologize."

"No need gran, Stavros was the one out of order."

"Yes, he's not very smart that one." Nothing else was said because the boys had her up to dance and I was swept away with Gianni he cant find little Antonio. We found him finally on Maxie's table, Tommaso's mum had kidnapped him and they were supervising which it's okay in our books. Gianni gave me the once around the dance floor and then we went to do some serious drinking so he grabbed a couple of bottles of wine and we went to sit down.

Sabine arrived with her hunk of a man on her arm, she stopped and looked around the room, she was making her entrance and was ensuring everyone could see her.

Within a second an ample breasted woman walked straight in front of her and stopped, she seemed lost and she also destroyed Sabine's moment. Anna was a terrible kidder when she gets going, there was no way the men in the room had their eyes on Sabine anymore, all eyes were on her. I laughed my head off and had to have a drink as a sour-faced Sabine came up behind me and slapped me silly.

"Ouch!"

"You deserved that Antonio, you are so disrespectful to your mama."

"Give him one for me too," Iris yelled out, so common.

She did and then went to sit on the other side of Iris I think they are going to gang up on Anna. Gino on the other hand had Sam in his arms and was also laughing, they wouldn't dare slap him.

Anna walked casually up to the table picked up a wine glass and yelled.

"I'm back!" Then sat with her husband, Tony couldn't wipe the smile off his face her boobs had jiggled at him just as he turned to look at her.

"Has she no shame, in front of her husband and baby," Gran whispered to me.

"I think the husband likes what he sees and the baby doesn't care, they are just comfort to him."

"Urrumph." I heard and she sat up straight.

I saw it but couldn't believe it when they walked in, four spunky guys, and four kids arrived and Iris got up to greet them. Rick Conners and Brenten Walsh have arrived and the room went completely silent, they looked like royalty. The other two must be the bodyguard Grant and his husband. They walked our way and the table behind us was cleared for them then pushed up against ours. I stood up and shook their hands, when I looked there were two boys about seven, and Brent introduced me to his son Teddy and his mate Brody, they were excited to go play with the other kids.

"Jack I won't tell you again, behave yourself." Brent looked at his little boy.

I know what this is about frothy baby cinos and cake. Conner was telling Gianni that he has a week off so Iris suggested they have a family night out with us all. He was amazed, he knew about the Italian club but thought you had to be one to come here, and he also said it's his kind of club and he's looking forward to the night. The ladies were hovering and I told them the kids are more than safe to be passed around.

"Ladies they like baby cinos and small sugarless cakes." They were ripped from Conners and Brent's arms and disappeared into the crowd. Conner nearly ran off after them and I took his arm.

"Trust me they are very safe, mine disappeared a half-hour ago, but I always know where they are."

"Okay, I trust you."

"Now sit and have a vino, it's Gianni's brand tonight." I went to get some more and when I passed Angelos table I whispered.

"I will work on that dinner at your restaurant, he's having a concert break for a week." He gave me the thumbs up but I would have much rather a bum feel.

I grabbed bottles and glasses while the new people were entertained by the boys and some others like Gianni and Sabine.

I wanted them to relax and have a good night out so I grabbed Gianni and kissed him.

"Have you forgotten me, my husband?"

"No, I could never forget you my Antonio." he blushed and giggled at the same time.

"So why aren't we dancing?"

"Come on." He dragged me onto the floor and started doing a slow dance with me, and we were clapped and cheered as he kissed me deeply. I wanted Conner and Brent to follow us but I guess they are a little bit wary of cameras and public displays.

We stayed for the next dance then we counted babies, one was nearly asleep when I took him and the arms of the other went out when he saw Gianni, the other one Luca was back in grans arms and I noticed Curtis and Jack were back sitting in the high chairs.

"Gran will take them into the quiet room shortly she will sit with them while they go to sleep."

"I had better go with her Con, they may be too much for her."

"My nona? I don't think so, she could run her very own orphanage if needed." I laughed. Then I moved over one seat and whispered to Brent.

"There is no need to keep a public face here, everyone is trustworthy in our community look what Gianni and I did, and look at my brothers dancing up a storm, go dance with your husband have a little fun."

He looked at me, then Conner and said.

"Dance with me."

"Are you sure?'

"Yes very sure."

I don't think it's Conner that is shy, it's Brent. I doubt he likes the limelight much. But they did get up and they danced beautifully they were clapped and cheered and Grant and Mike joined them with Maxie and Tommaso, that's it boys have some fun.

They stayed on the dance floor for some time, gran took the boys into the quiet room and placed them all in a playpen, they will drift off to sleep, that's if Jack behaves himself.

"Just a small cake and a coffee thank you, grandson."

"Coming up gran." I left to get her something, Conner was behind me and asked how it all worked.

"When your hungry just line up and pick something, the charge is seven dollars a plate, and eat when you want, you will find we all eat at different times."

"Good, I'm hungry. Brent you hungry?"

"Yes Con, I will let the others know just get me a Lasagna and salad." He grinned at me and left to let the others know they can eat at any time.

That gorgeous Grant came up and filled his plate he is a stunning hunk and is now giving Angelo a run for his money.

They settled in to eat, I noticed they didn't drink much and like Gianni, they constantly checked their boys out. Conner at one stage was talking to the band and it was agreed he would do one song as a thank you for being put at ease, I think he was impressed.

He kissed Brent and went to do his thing, you could hear a pin drop when he belted out The Prayer, Italian words and all, he was magnificent, his voice resonated around the ballroom and I saw many a tear in some eyes including mine as he lifted the roof and gently placed it back again.

He received a standing ovation and if my flower girls had any they would have thrown them. He did do one more song, my favorite, it was called Ask Me. Brent had tears running down his face, and when the applause finished he leaned over and said.

"You had to be there, and the story is too long to tell," I replied.

"I know the feeling, I finally found my impossible love also." He winked.

The night got even better when the gypsy dance was played, Conner was whisked up onto the dance floor and Gianni and Angelo showed him the moves, the boys tried to put their kind of moves onto him but he only laughed at them. Maxie Tommaso and a whole bunch of men danced away, I got hold of Brent's hand and dragged him onto the dancefloor and we both did our interpretation of the gypsy dance, of course, we heard a lot of laughing in the background, the ladies joined in and they all wanted to dance with Conner, he was stuffed when he returned but full of smiles.

"Did I see little Angelo from the restaurant over there Antonio?"

"Yes, Brent he's hanging out for your call."

"I forgot, but I will call him tomorrow, Con has a week off actually so it will be within the week we will come."

"He should be resting his voice."

"He will be okay as long as he sticks to his slow numbers but he's such a perfectionist even they don't help sometimes." He smiled then added.

"All good his voice is insured." Then he laughed.

Gran came out to inform us the kids had all fallen asleep except Teddy and Brody they were playing games on the computers. She had Sabine and Tony looking after the kids while she had something to eat. As soon as she sat down Stavros came across the room and asked her for a dance, she declined then he whispered something in her ear. She became furious again, she's running hot and cold with him and I cant work it out.

"I said no, and I mean no Stavros. I am so lucky I didn't marry you all those years ago you disrespectful man." He went red and walked off to his table. I leaned over and said to gran.

"He asked you to marry him?"

"Mind your own business Antonio, and I will mind mine." She reeled back and forth then placed her hand on my shoulder, then she slipped down my body and landed on the floor with a thud.

"Gran, my god gran." I knelt to brush her hair from her brow, her eyes were closed and I couldn't hear her breathing. Mike, Grant's husband was quick off the mark and by our sides in a flash, he placed gran on her side and then he pulled her frock back and listened to her heart, then took her pulse.

"Call an ambulance Grant, urgent heart attack. Can someone find me an aspirin if there's any around?" Leon rushed off to the kitchen, the ladies have a small dispensary in there I'm sure. I sat on my haunches and held grans hand as the tears poured down my face, I was terrified and couldn't move an inch, at one time Gianni tried to pull me back I fought him, he let go. I couldn't leave gran to die alone and if I didn't have my family I would have wished to go with her. Mike started cpr, when he got tired Brent took over, I had read he was a nurse at some stage and we had a few nurses here tonight so they all took turns, the music went silent and grandad was with me talking to gran in Italian, I don't know whether she heard him but from experience when Gianni was in the hospital, I know she would hear him.

The ambos placed a monitor on her and watched as the small printer printed out the heartbeat, at least they had got it working again. They went to get the gurney ready and I could hear them talking to Mike.

"It's a weak heartbeat doctor, she will need surgery as soon as possible."

"I will come with you, Grant can you get Brody home safe, and Antonio, I will do my best."

I broke I have never cried so much except at my Luca's funeral all my stuff came out, even with Gianni I forced myself not to crash but with gran, it was different she was my soul mate.

I watched from Gianni's arms as they took her out and then we went to pack up the boys. Maxie and Tommaso had already done that chore, and Angelo and his mates had gone and got our van, so we went to the hospital and the babies went home with the kids and Iris they will look out for them tonight.

Lukas was a different story he wanted to know what had happened to gran so Sabine took him and carried him home, she said she will meet us at the hospital after she gets him settled, maybe Alice will sleep with him. I couldn't worry about them I knew they were in good hands, my initial worry was for grandad and gran.

Leon drove the van and we headed for the hospital once again, Gino had walked Anna home and then he was coming to sit with us.

The whole night was a triumph but a disaster for my family, Conner and Brent both kissed me and said they will keep in touch with Iris for updates, Brent also said Mike was the finest doctor around and he will fix her.

Stavros surprised me and was already at the hospital talking once again to his pretty niece who was working tonight.

He came over and said that gran was taken straight to surgery, she had a blocked valve in her heart and they would be placing stents in it.

He also said it was a relatively straightforward operation nowadays and we shouldn't worry.

"What did you say to her Stavros?"

"Nothing Antonio, surely you don't blame me for all this?"

"Of course not, I love you, you are family, but I was wondering what you said."

"I whispered to her that she looked very beautiful tonight, and she did, I wasn't lying."

"Okay thank you. I think this has been coming on for a long time, and she has been a little more off-kilter this past week."

"Yes she has Antonio, but she never says anything, I just have to watch her I knew she was not feeling well tonight when she only had the one dance with the boys, she always has five dances that's her limit," Grandad said. Gianni and Gino came back with coffees I messaged Iris and she will tell everyone that gran is going to be okay. I didn't want a big crowd coming in here, there is nothing anyone can do.

After two hours doctor Mike came out with a huge smile on his face, I went to pieces because I knew everything was all right.

He said she is resting and has a strong heartbeat, he also requested we all go home and get some rest, he will sit with her if needed, but for now, she needs rest. The stents are doing their job so we needn't worry.

I looked around the room and everyone was exhausted so I made a decision.

"We will all go home and come back in the morning, we need rest."

They agreed and I insisted grandad stay with us tonight, Mike said he will ring only if there's a change in her status.

I thanked him and we all left the hospital. Gino went home to his family after I thanked him, he's such a wonderful guy. We went upstairs to talk to everyone, I insisted Maxie and Tommaso go home and Iris is spending the night with us. Sabine and Tony left when they got the results and Alice said she will stay in with Lukas and the boys because they may have night frights.

Gianni Leon and Carlos opened a wine and we sat at the table, we needed this and we needed to calm down again.

"Did you know Stavros asked gran to marry him?" I looked at grandad.

"Yes I knew, but she only had eyes for me, that is when the bickering started, he was mad at her, she didn't want anything to do with him at first. Antonio I heard what you said to him at the hospital, he is family, and he is family to you and your grandmother and me. We bought property together when we came to Australia, then we bought our separate businesses that's the way it was back then, we helped each other.

Stavros and I are very good friends but your gran always hides her feelings and never talks to me about such things as in past loves, and of course her investments. They love each other like family, and Stavros always teases her and he likes to remind her now and then that he once loved her, as a joking, Gianni would say. Tonight wasn't about him or her history, so I thank you for saying what you did, he is a good man and he is our family."

"I know it wasn't anything he did, it was something that gran didn't do, she didn't do what she promised and that was to tone her lifestyle down a bit."

"You have tried to settle her down Antonio, how did that work for you?"

"It didn't work." I smiled.

"There is something else Antonio, I must tell you to confirm the complete trust I have for him." He looked at me with tears in his eyes.

"When your papa and mama were killed in that terrible accident, your grandmother functioned in her little world, she did not do any public grieving she left that up to me, it was because of you she did this. I was a complete mess and if it wasn't for Stavros and his family your nona and I would have been placed in the mental home. It was the hardest of times Antonio, and it was you as a boy and Stavros as a family that saw us through the most painful time in our lives."

My tears all of a sudden erupted again and Carlos gave me some tissues and a hug.

"We had so much to thank him for nono I have always had a soft spot for him."

"So when your nona was mad with him she wasn't, she was already feeling ill but as usual she never said anything. Now Antonio I must go to bed."

"Of course nono." I hugged him and the boys did the same and he walked off to find his bed.

"What a night I'm so tired baby."

"Come on, none of us sleep alone tonight." Gianni took my hand, the boys stripped me and we all climbed into bed. I nestled in and Gianni whispered.

"Are you all right my amore?"

"Yes baby, it just gave me a scare that's all."

"She will be fine." He kissed me.

The following morning the sun was out, my little boy was in front of the tv and Alice was making coffee. I hugged her and thanked her several times she said she changed the babies earlier and they were still sleeping, she also said that grandad left during the night he was going to sit with gran.

"He must be stuffed.' I sat with her at the table.

"He was Antonio, but he didn't want to be here."

"I understand."

I looked at my phone the message read.

`Resting peacefully, heart no damage, grandad here. All good.' it was from Mike a wonderful new friend for us and grans savior.

By eight the apartment was full again and the flowers started to arrive, everyone was relieved she was on the mend because believe it or not, my gran is the Padrino of the ladies Italian community and she was much loved by everyone. I was to find out more about nona's status not long after the incident at the club when ladies and gents took it upon themselves to tell me about all the wonderful things she had done for the community in general. She helped new arrivals with working visas, with families in distress and I also found out from Nina who is a staunch fan of grans, she had offered to completely rebuild the Italian club, but the committee of mostly women stopped her. They didn't want any more gambling than what there already was, the club was a place for the community to get a good feed or a handout if they were doing it tough, it wasn't for husbands and wives to spend their days in front of the poker machines while their children did it tough. I also found out that she had many apartments in the area, she would lease them to unfortunate members who needed a roof over their heads, but that was from years ago. Nina also said she was so proud of me and how I help the community, she would sit back and close her eyes whenever the ladies talked about my generosity, and one time she caught her off guard and heard her say to herself.

"I hope you are proud son, he has turned into a beautiful soul."

"I think she talks to your dad and lot Antonio, she is a very proud woman."

"She never got over it Nina, she was devastated."

"So she would be Antonio, he was a beautiful man your father, so much like you."

"Thank you."

Maxie was up early and he did the breakfast, we made sure we had everything and then we headed for the hospital, it was like a wagon train, and it was like the whole Italian club had moved to the hospital when we arrived.

The first face I saw was grans, she was sitting in the waiting room with a throng of visitors, grandad and Stavros were by her side she had a hold of their hands.

"Gran your up already."

"Yes grandson, please greet your old grandmother properly."

I threw my arms around her and my kisses rained down, by God never leave me gran I don't think I could bear it.

"She is doing fine Antonio, just plenty of rest at the moment. They have kicked her out because she has started giving the kitchen orders." Grandad laughed it was good to see.

Lukas had placed himself in her lap and he received many kisses, he didn't know what was happening but he was very happy to see her again.

"You're staying at our place."

"I'm going home."

"No your staying, I will get a nurse in."

"Saints preserve, what have I done to deserve such an insolent grandchild." She rolled her eyes.

"Don't thank the madonna gran I will be singing all day." I laughed, and of course, that got me a slap for being disrespectful once again.

Grandad went to get his car and the nurse wheeled gran out, Lukas got a small ride, there were more well-wishes outside and then the clapping started and it didn't stop until well after they drove out of the hospital.

"Is it always like this?"

"I am afraid so Dr. Mike, and thank you for everything, it sounds like it's not enough but let me show you."

I yelled out.

"Thank the doctors you lot."

The clapping and cheering started again and he blushed. I smiled at him, he is my new favorite doctor, I wondered if he and Grant did foursomes.

"Antonio, thank you for that and..." He leaned in and sang.

"Like a virgin, touched for the very first time." He chuckled, I started singing the next line and it didn't let up until Gianni checked my virginity, somewhere between the fifteenth call to grandad and the second bottle of wine.

"I have no idea what they will think of us Iris, what a terrible welcome to the community they got."

"They are wonderful men Antonio, they are concerned for gran and you. When you get to know them better you will understand just how basic they are, all the glamour and attention Rick Conners puts up with doesn't define how humane he is, his priority is Brent and his kids the rest is just window dressing. He certainly doesn't need the money his music is his hobby, his art if I was to describe it. You know he has given Brent a one-carat diamond for every birthday anniversary and whatever he can think of occasion, Brent keeps them in a jam jar, that's why when I say they are like you and Gianni, money doesn't mean much to them. They are more Italian than you Antonio believe me, they will return to the club when his concerts are over, and he is going to sing at Angelos for nothing more than a good meal."

"I will ring them and thank them for the flowers then."

"You do that, they will be so pleased to hear grans on the mend straight from you."

Iris and I had opened our cheap plonk and were sitting outside, it was a sunny day not chilly at all and I wanted the lowdown on Brent and Conner. The flowers they sent were perfect and I believe gran got some also, not ostentatious just lovely and simple. I can always tell with flowers if they are a big oversized display they are either for an event or someone has a big ego, if they are just simply beautiful it means genuine friendship and love.

"Have we started the orders yet Iris?"

"Yes Antonio, we are running twenty-four seven at the moment, more local jobs more money." She rubbed her hands together.

"That is a first, running all night and day." She smiled.

"Good I hope we don't end up like the Cartasso," I replied.

"I hope we do."

"Why?"

"It will mean we can help other winery businesses also they can do some runs for us, pay it back to the community Antonio." I knew what she meant and I agreed.

"What are you two up to?"

"Just talking husband, did you finish your royal duties?"

"Yes Antonio, the gypsy is going to send gran some good luck charms." He grinned.

"And the babies?"

"Plenty on the way also Antonio."

He pushed me over then he climbed in behind me, Iris shuddered and I knew it wasn't because of the cold.

"Do you want to go and visit?"

"No we will leave it for tomorrow baby, she is resting today."

"Good, so tomorrow we clean up here and do the washing so there's nothing for her to do anymore."

"Yes of course Gianni, send the boys down to do Iris's apartment also."

"Don't worry about me boys, I have a cleaning company coming every fortnight."

"You have? When were you going to tell us that our Iris?" Gianni perked up.

"You never asked, I did say I was all set up for retirement, I get my food delivered and my house cleaned do you want their number?"

"Of course I do Iris, I'm struggling here." I grinned, Gianni slipped his hand down the front of my shorts, Iris wiped her brow.

I took the time to ring Brent he wanted to know how gran was and he also wanted to know how I was, he was more interested in how I felt and he got more out of me than even my husband knew. He understood completely and said if I needed to talk more I should ring him he's a very good listener.

He also said he will see us at Angelos Thursday night around seven.

I know Angelo didn't have to get anything organized, Conner will have his guitar and he has someone to help him set up a mike. That, someone, turned out to be Grant and his other security guard friend Travis. They arrived Thursday afternoon and the excitement around the market was buzzing all day. Angelo didn't put his prices up but left jars on the tables for donations to the Never Give Up foundation. I had been to grans place several times and Lukas spent a day with her in the garden, she was back to her old self and said she felt so much better, not so sluggish and tired all the time. I told her she has to start opening up more, she shrugged her shoulders and took my hand. We sat in the garden while Lukas picked some beans that had ripened.

"Antonio, forgive this old grandmother for her foolish ways, she had done the wrong thing by you and she is saddened by that."

"No you haven't gran, you're my soul mate, we have always had that connection." I teared up, this must be hard for her.

"I am pleased you see that also grandson, when your papa and mama passed I thought I would die alongside of them, but when you came to stay with us I felt like I had the chance to start all over again. I didn't mind one bit because I had the opportunity to protect the most precious little boy in the world."

"Thank you nona, I love you so much."

"I own many properties and as you know after that man Stavros let the cat out of the bag, I also own the Italian club property, I missed out on the market because your nono and his best friend pushed me aside, so I didn't tell them anything after that, and it's nice to be having this conversation with you, my boy."

"Gran don't worry about all that, as long as your healthy, all that stuff doesn't matter. I admire that you did it on your own, and I just love your teaching Lukas everything about your simple life I know you tried to teach me and sometimes I get flashbacks and am warmed that you and I have this bond."

"I did teach you and I like teaching Lukas, you grew up and made your way, but you never forgot this old nona and that is the most important lesson I could teach you, family comes first."

"It does nona, and you will teach the boys when they are a little older also, Lukas will help you with that." I kissed her cheek, we sat for a few more minutes then she said.

"The key is in the clock, it opens the safe which is under my garden shed floor, the boards are loosened, there is plenty of cash and in the big brown travel bag are all my books and titles to the properties. Antonio, I want to give you something from your family, because you are now a Cartasso and don't need anything this will be a personal gift from me. I would like to sign over the Italian club to you. I have to leave my family in good hands and you are those hands. Please listen to the community and the ladies collective that holds the lease they are wonderful people, and yes I could have pulled it down and rebuilt bigger and better, but I kind of like it the way it is." She smiled dreamily.

"Gran I would never do that, never would I alter it. You don't have to give it to me I can wait or Lukas can wait for it." Then out of the blue, she teared up.

"I had a big argument with your papa about it, I wanted to give it to him he refused to take it and we argued, in this spot many years ago, not a big one but enough to get me wild. He was upset I was talking about my death and he and your mama left, he was to never talk to me again. They had the accident on the way home, now you know why I never talk to anyone about my business." Her head dropped and I couldn't hold the tears back, she blamed herself for papa and mama's deaths, how do I fix this for her, how do I tell her it wasn't her fault.

"Gran I accept your gift and I promise I will not change a thing, I am blessed to have such a wonderful nona in my life. Don't dwell on papa's death please, I suppose he was as stubborn and me, and yourself, it's our trademark. You didn't cause the accident gran, it was the drunken driver that caused it, you are not to blame. If you have any blame it is that you love too much, you love your family too much and you loved your son too much."

"Thank you, Antonio, I will never feel right about it but just sitting with you brings back many good and bad memories, and Lukas playing in my garden brings more wonderful things back to me. I am sorry for being so foolish."

I didn't answer if she wants to wallow she can, but I did hug her to me and we watched Lukas for ages, his laughs, and screams warmed us both.

"Look look Nona look papa." He darted in and out the veggie patch finding all sorts of new bugs and leaves, I know my dad did the same and I know I also did because this is our nona's garden.

Donations to Nifty gratefully received.