Impossible Love

Impossible Love 6

I arrived home early because I only had to store the blooms in the cooler and lock up. I counted the takings and put the cash under my sideboard, then I sat with a wine in hand. I had to do my trash can tonight so I went to do the kitchen rubbish. I heard a clunk as I picked the green bag up, the wine bottle, why didn't I think of that, it would have his family name on it? I retrieved the empty bottle and went outside so I could see the label better, Cartasso Winery, Italy. I wrote it down and then sat in front of the computer. While typing the name in I felt butterflies in my stomach when a photo of the winery came up on the screen. It looked lush and green and enormous, snaking its way up the side of a big valley with hills on each side. I needed to know more and clicked on history then, about us.

There was a photo and I immediately recognized Luca with his brothers and parents, he looked like his brothers who looked a little older than him but not by much. I touched the screen as tears fell and I took a screenshot of the family photo, I will put that on my home screen soon. My next job was to find the store he was setting up, I will go there tomorrow and see if I can talk to him. I wrote the address out and was armed and ready to confront him. Next I take the trash out and go visit Alice, maybe she would like a casual job in my shop, but maybe she wants to retire completely. I didn't do either though, I took the trash out then sat on the walkway with my bottle of wine and cried because all the lights were out in Luca's apartment, and I was feeling lonely again.

In the morning after a restless night I smiled at Gino as I walked past him, then I almost ran to the train station to go into the city. After finding a small wine shop in one of the many alleyways in the city, I steeled myself and went over what I wanted to say to him, then I opened the shop door. It was semi lit and the many bottles of wine were displayed randomly, this wasn't a bottle shop, this was a fine wine store. The man standing behind the counter looked up and smiled at me, he was in his forties and Italian.

"Good morning sir, how may I be of assistance?"

"Good morning, I need some information. Is Luca coming in today?" He didn't sneer, he looked interested in my request.

"Are you a friend of my nephews?" Yes, that's the uncle.

"Yes, he's been staying in the apartment next to mine for a few weeks and last night he vanished without saying goodbye, I wanted to talk to him before he left."

"I see, well he's no longer in town, he flew out to Brisbane last night to set up the new store there, then he will be going back to Italy as he has important work to do there."

"Oh," My eyes dropped, now what do I do?

"Could I at least get his phone number from you, I need to speak with him?"

"Before I do that, can you tell me a little what this is all about?"

"I told him stuff he didn't want to hear or he didn't have to hear and it was all wrong. I need to make it right again. Please sir can I have his number?" He tore a piece of paper off a crisp white pad and wrote Luca's number down.

"There you go young man, he will only be in Brisbane a week then he goes home and his brothers will come here, after that I think he's going to work on the London stores." I held the paper like it was a winning lottery ticket and thanked him many times before I left the shop.

I almost got out to push the train to go faster so I could get home to my private place to call him. I ran from the station up the street and past Gino, then up the stairs and sat once again at my kitchen table. My phone was in my hand as soon as I had stepped off that train and now I had to calm down so I can dial his number.

"Hello?"

"Hello, who is this please?" I heard his soft voice on the other end and immediately relaxed.

"Luca, Luca it's me Ant, I need to talk to you I have to tell you something."

"Antonio, it's good to hear your voice, I had to leave unexpectedly and didn't have the chance to say goodbye to you. I tried to ring you but there was no answer. I take it you have met my uncle?" I remember not answering a call, stupid me.

"Yes he was very pleasant and I love what you did with the shop, it looks fantastic."

"I have one more to do then I go home, I can't wait to see my mother and brothers again."

"Good, but Luca I will miss you so much, please don't take any notice of what I said the other night, please don't think badly of me. I was just letting it all out, nothing is going on with Gino and myself. I won't let anything happen ever again and he doesn't love me anyway. I have realized that important fact and I want to see you again, you're my friend."

"Impossible love my Antonio, I understand what you are going through, really I do, I went through much the same back home. Antonio, can I tell you something?"

"Yes, anything Luca, anything." I had calmed down a little because his voice was calming me, but he sounded so depressed, I have put him on the spot and I don't think he wants to deal with it.

"Antonio, I fell in love with you on the staircase when we first met." "You love me?" I almost cried.

"Yes Antonio, I fell in love with you, it was love at first sight on those stairs. It confused me a lot and I didn't want to drag you into my mess because I thought it may have been a rebound thing, I struggle with it very much."

"I see, so you kept me away because you thought I was a rebound, why didn't you tell me this, we could have worked through it, we could have at least tried? God knows I want to try, I want to be with you, I want you in my bed and arms, I want you Luca." I had started crying, my frustration was leaving because if he loves me then everything is going to be all right.

"Antonio, I was going to tell you over coffee at my place, but after you told me your story I decided it was an impossible love, the love I have for you is a gentle all in love, and I don't think you have got there yet. I have had time to adjust to it, but you are still in love with Gino."

"But I'm not, this is why I'm ringing you, I have to tell you it was only a fantasy, I love you or at least I think I do, well I'm pretty certain I do. I want us to be lovers forever."

"We already have been lovers my Antonio."

"What?" What the hell is he talking about, I haven't made love to him at all.

"I would wait for you to go for your run then I would go into the park and sit and wait for you to come into the toilet block, it was me you were making love to."

"What, it was you? Why didn't you tell me, why did you even do that, you could have knocked on my door anytime?"

"And be a Gino? impossible love Antonio. I couldn't get any closer to you in my mind, but I had to have your seed inside me and it was deceitful of me to do that to you. I am so ashamed."

"Don't be, it was awesome, but I wish I had known."

"Well, you do now. Antonio, I have business to conduct so can I ring you back tonight?"

"Yes, and please don't ignore me, I won't go away."

"I know you won't Antonio, I will miss you when I get back home, I already miss you terribly."

We said our goodbyes and I hung up first. I sat there for another fifteen minutes thinking about what he said then I had to go and have sex with myself thinking about a hole in the wall and Luca's sweet, thick dick poking through.

He didn't ring me that night as I sat by my phone for hours, and I didn't ring him because I don't know his situation, I might be disturbing a meeting or something, so I sat and waited until two am. Finally, I sighed and was exhausted so I went to bed with that awful brick in my stomach.

The next day I sat on the sofa and cried much of the time, I didn't eat or sleep well, and last night my emotions were all over the place.

There was a phone call around eleven but it was a different number and I debated whether to answer it or not, but unfortunately, I did.

"Antonio?" "Yes." It was a voice I knew but couldn't put a face to.

"This is Federico, Luca's uncle."

"Yes, how are you, sir?"

"I am well Antonio, I am making this call on behalf of my nephew, he wanted me to call you and bring you up to date."

"Where is he? He was supposed to call me back last night but he didn't."

"Antonio, I am sorry and apologize in advance but Luca was placed onto a flight to Italy this morning, he has been sent home." I was stunned into silence, my mouth wouldn't work, and my tears, so many tears.

"He's gone home then." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yes my boy, he had to go home, he has urgent business to attend to."

I didn't believe him at all.

"Urgent is it, well that's fine then, thank you for ringing me."

"Antonio, there are things you don't know about Luca, private family matters and he has some sorting out to do, please don't think this is about you, he had to go home."

"I understand family Federico, more than you know, and if you hear from him just tell him I wish him the best life can offer him."

"I will son and thank you." He hung up, and why was he thanking me, all I did was fall in love with his nephew?

I cried again most of the afternoon then I opened a bottle of wine. I felt lonely and took another wine downstairs and sat on the steps, I needed people around me. I can't lock myself in, that's not my way, and I needed to talk to Gino.

He finally came out with another bottle and I was happy to see him because I had drunk all my wine. I sat there in silence for some time and could hear Gino saying Buongiorno to the people passing by.

"He left you."

"He left."

"Why?"

"I don't know I don't know anything only he's gone home to Italy on this morning's flight out of Brisbane."

"That fast, I thought he was setting up a business in Brisbane."

"He was, but his uncle rang to say he had to go home." I sighed heavily he refilled my drink.

"So it's just the two of us again, both without lovers and both getting drunk in public."

I sort of laughed and it tickled my funny bone. "We are a fine pair Gino, you get rid of a bitch that was using you and I get rid of someone that adores me and who I wanted to use me."

"Why did he go Ant, I thought after the other night you and he would get together."

"I told him about you and me, he didn't think I liked him enough and thinks I'm in love with you still."

"And are you Ant?"

"No Gino, you are my best friend and at the moment you are all I have in the world to talk to. I also told him I was raped last week."

"What! you were raped, why didn't you tell me Ant, that's horrible." "I wanted to but the next day we had that big fight and I had no one to talk to after that."

"Who did it Ant, where can we find him?" "It doesn't matter now Gino and it was all my fault, can we not speak of it again. Did you tell her to piss off, or just break it off?" I wanted to change the subject, I was heartbroken and needed someone to hate more than myself.

"Ant, anytime you want to talk about it I am here for you, so please, I am your friend. You were right she was using me, she found a ring, twelve thousand dollars' worth, we argued because she wanted my credit card, only my ex-wife knows what the limit of my card is so I figured Pat was right, they still talk and they were plotting to relieve me of as much money as they could. So I told her she was a stinking whore and marched her out of the apartment, not too kindly either, I'm sorry you missed that show."

"I'm sorry too Gino, I would have liked to have got that on camera." I started laughing then the tears came.

He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me in until I gathered up enough of my short breaths and said,

"Thank you."

"That's okay Ant, we are Italians and this is what we do."

I refilled both glasses and said I will go get another couple of bottles in a minute, but he said he had plenty, he had stocked up and had nothing better to do.

"You should settle down on it Ant, it will make you more depressed."

"Give me one night Gino, just one night."

"Okay my friend, and I am very sorry for what I did to you."

"It's okay Gino, it was all my doing, I shouldn't have been so eager to please you, and I certainly shouldn't have fallen for you." "Then you do still love me?"

"Yes, in a friendly way, but I'm afraid Luca has stolen my heart and I didn't see it coming."

"He will be back."

"He may not ever come back and I may not see him ever again." That started me off again so Gino went inside to get another bottle and some tissues.

I was spastic by the time he walked me up the stairs and almost pushed me into bed, I knew it wasn't late and I also knew I had work in the morning so I had to sleep it off somehow.

My head throbbed and my mouth was so dry when my alarm went off, I staggered to the bathroom and threw up what was left in my stomach then I looked in the mirror, my perfectly coiffed black curly hair was now flat and I felt ugly again. I fleetingly felt the pain in my heart but pushed it aside, I was too sick to even bring Luca back into my head. After showering I made toast. I have to eat, I know that years ago I had an uncle who was a terrible drunk and I remember my aunt talking to my nan, and she was saying that as long as she gets some food in him she knows he will be ok.

It always stuck in my head so I nibbled on the toast as I dressed and grabbed my money bag to start my day. I was very cautious driving to the market and parking was an even more careful operation but I was glad that the fresh morning air had resurrected my lungs. I started to set up the shop and there were already shoppers moving through the stalls.

Gino arrived with a hamburger in hand.

"I thought you may need this Ant, please eat as much as you can." He handed it to me.

"Yes aunty." He looked confused.

"Long story, but thank you very much, it's just what I need." I smiled.

"Well if you need Pat in here for an hour or so just give me a buzz Ant, no problems."

"Thank you Gino, have a great day." He left and I tucked into the food.

It was a long day and it seemed to drag by but I eventually parked my van in the car park at home and went up the back to my apartment hoping that Luca would be sitting on the walkway, but all I could feel was coolness coming from his empty flat. I was so wrung out because Luca had returned to my brain and it went over everything all day in fine detail. I changed into my running shorts and flopped on the bed, then I slept for hours. It was midnight when I woke and as much as I tried to go back to sleep it evaded me.

Quietly I sat on the small balcony with my feet resting on the balustrade sipping coffee, I did think about a glass of wine but my tummy was still raw, at least I have the day off and I will spend it sleeping I think. I checked my phone but there were no messages and no missed calls, he would be getting home by now, I hope he's happy to be back with his family. I can imagine him back slapping his brothers and laughing while his mum makes him a home-cooked meal. I wanted to be there with him, no worries in the world, just family and laughter.

One day I will go there and see Italy on my own, I have heard so many stories. I have always wanted to go there to see if they were true, and I wondered if Nonna and Nonno would like to accompany me on my quest. What I wanted to do was to get to Luca's vineyard to see him, maybe make love between the vines or in the haystack. I'm being really stupid now because he's gone, never to return so I must go on and I must look after my business.

It was five by the time I woke again and the blood had almost drained from my legs as my feet were numb, I found this out when I tried to walk inside to make more coffee.

I sipped it and watched the morning being born again as I looked out to the many rooftops and imagined I was in a peasant's hut, watching the fields come alive, but it won't happen, it will never happen.

I worked my ass off in the next four weeks and was stowing heaps of cash under my sideboard again, my life got a little more bearable when I hooked up with a nice guy I had met at the market. He asked me out for coffee and I accepted, we ended up in bed and it was much needed lovemaking session, you can guess who I was imagining I was with. The drought had broken, and apart from that awful knot, I felt a little better about myself for a moment in time.

I had been going to my gran's a bit but I never told her what went on and she didn't ask, but she was different, and I thought she had sensed something was bothering me but she didn't ask. We talked, I ate, I got take away, I ate again and talked about business mainly. I will be forever grateful for our unspoken chats, and gran's and grandad's silence.

I sat with Gino and had a few drinks some nights because I didn't want to get into the habit of being seen as a drunk, but I only ever had one or two drinks, we chatted and he was happy within himself, I was still in mourning.

One night after a particularly busy Saturday morning at the market we were unwinding as a taxi pulled up and two gorgeous looking men alighted, they looked like runway models attired to the max and oozed money as they gathered their leather travel bags out of the boot. They looked familiar but I didn't join the dots as they said, "Ciao" and went up the stairs with their luggage, the taxi moved off, and again we could see humans walking up and down the street.

A half-hour later they came out in casual jeans and t-shirts, I think they were brothers but if they weren't they were certainly good friends and not far apart age wise, around twenty-five or six, I couldn't tell. I was almost staring at them as they had a small conversation between themselves, then it hit me these guys were Luca's brothers he had told me about, they must be here to do some business maybe.

"Excuse me, but can you tell us how to get to the Italian club from here?" one gorgeous spunk said.

"Down the road to the next corner, turn left and it's three doors down," Gino offered.

"Grazi mille" And they started walking down the street, their eyes were everywhere as they showed off their mighty fine tushes.

"Luca's brothers Gino, they must be in the uncle's apartment."

"Have you met them before Ant?"

"No, but I have their picture on my computer, I use it for a home screen."

"Where did you get that from?"

"I looked up the family business in Italy and it was among the photos."

"They look very handsome Ant, best you try and bed them both, see who's the best in the sack." He chuckled, I bristled.

"I don't think so Gino, I don't want anything to do with that family anymore, but I can be pleasant." I wondered if Luca had come back with them and was staying at a hotel or something, but then I lost that thought, surely he would have rung me.

My brain switched on again and I immediately shut it down, I had another wine as a lady passed by who we knew well.

"Hi Alice, out for an evening walk?"

"Yes Ant, Gino, how are you both?" "Fine, and you?"

"As well as can be expected, I am starting to get bored with my new apartment so have decided to walk a little and talk to my neighbors a bit more." She grinned.

"Alice, if you're bored why don't you come work for me at the market. I could do with another set of hands, your terms, your schedule. It will free me up to relax a little?"

"Do you mean it Ant?" "Of course I do, I have been meaning to talk to you about it anyway, I heard you were handy with making beautiful blooms, but I just haven't got around to it."

"Yes, I have the experience, while my husband was off doing his corporate banking I ran a small florist shop just down the road opposite the Italian club." She smiled again.

"So?"

"Yes, I would very much love that Antonio, when would you like me to start?"

"Anytime you feel up to it, just casual, and if you're not feeling up to it just let me know and I won't expect you, make up your hours, all day, half day, a few hours a day, anything you want Alice."

"Thank you Ant, you have just saved my sanity. I don't expect to be paid but I will certainly give you a hand."

"You will be paid the going rate Alice, cash in hand."

"Oh cash, I love cash." She belly-laughed then.

"Deal then, I will see you when I see you. You know the market hours so work in with them, I'm looking forward to it." It was then Gino offered her a vino. She accepted and sat with us.

"Just the one Gino, I don't want to get a reputation."

"Who cares," he answered.

"If you put it that way Gino, yes who cares? Maybe I'll have two."

We walked Alice home and made sure she was safely inside. Her two drinks turned into four but who's counting, she had a lot of fun people watching with us.

I didn't see the new men come back, they must have gone for a walk after dinner but I did hear them come in around eleven. I had just positioned my fist around my dick when I heard them, but I didn't let it disturb my excellent imagination.

I wiped up and went to sleep tucked up in a ball, it was my favored position ever since Luca had left town.

She was a godsend, Alice turned up at eight the next day and didn't leave until two in the afternoon just after the rush. I didn't have to show her anything except the cash register, looking at me with a knowing eye she said,

"Stash the cash, don't ring it up." I laughed and replied,

"Correct Alice." We had a good day and I even manage to get to the fruit and veggie stall to see my friends.

"Ant, it's my birthday Friday night and I would like you to come to the Italian club to celebrate it with me, bring your grandparents, they could probably do with a night out," Pat said with a smile.

"I will be there with bells on Pat, who else is coming?"

"Gino, my husband Frank, oops I had better behave myself." Her hand moved to her mouth. I know she loves her husband, she's just being a little naughty sometimes, but I am looking forward to it. Alice was also invited and she was very pleased, I knew this because she didn't wipe that smile off her face all morning.

"Well I'll see you on Wednesday, it's wholesale day for you isn't it, do you want me in earlier?"

"No thank you Alice, I can cope on my own, you have a sleep in." I chuckled. I have laughed more in the last week than I have for a month or so, and it feels good.

Back at home I pottered around and hid the cash, then I went to find Gino who was in his favorite spot, so I sat down.

"What are you buying Pat for her birthday?"

"A nice bottle of wine Ant, I got to talking with the two guys that are staying here and they mentioned their wine cellar so I thought I would go in and get Pat a good bottle, but they said they would bring something home for me."

"Okay, now I'm stuck for an idea."

"Get another good bottle and ask them to bring it home."

"I guess that's a good idea Gino, maybe I'll do that."

They came down the stairs looking a million dollars and I asked them, I said I had an empty bottle upstairs and would put it on their doorstep so they knew what I wanted. I also said I would leave some money. They walked off and hailed a cab, it was a little late so maybe they are going to a meeting, they were certainly dressed for one.

When I went inside I got the empty bottle and put three hundred into its neck to pay for it then I left it on their doorstep. I didn't know whether I should invite them out Friday night or not as they don't know Pat and her husband so I thought better of it and kept silent, it's not really up to me to invite people.

Gino and I dressed up smartly and we picked Alice up on the way, my grandparents will meet us there. I had wrapped the bottles up with a card at work and threw some ribbons on it for Gino and me, it was cheaper than I thought because I got plenty of change from the boys. Alice said she had bought another bottle but it was a cheaper one. She took some wrapping paper home to do it, so the three of us walked up the street with wine in hand, we must have looked like we were going to a drunken party but we didn't care, we were with friends and that's all that mattered.

It was like walking into a big party there were people everywhere, the club was busy Friday nights, ladies were dressed to the nines flitting from table to table, there will be dancing tonight because the band was setting up. I saw my grandma sitting with Pat and Frank and they were beckoning us to come over to their table. I escorted Alice through the crowd and we did our greetings leaving Pat surrounded by bright presents, they were all bottles of wine. I didn't tag Pat as being a big drinker but she said she does love one or two every night.

"Where's Nonno?"

"Over there, he has seen an old friend."

I looked over at the table she was pointing to and there was granddad holding court with Federico and Luca's brothers, they must have had the same idea and were all dressed to the max, it will be a great night for perving. The drinks were ordered and the ladies who were serving went off to grab them. In the meantime, I looked at the other table and wondered how grandad knew Federico, maybe they have done business at some stage.

He saw me looking his way and waved his hand to get me to come over, I didn't want to get involved and my drink had arrived, so I stood to salute Pat for her birthday, but then he did it again so I thought I had better get my ass over there before he yells at me.

"Ant, I want you to meet Federico and his two nephews Leon and Carlos, this is my grandson Antonio." I shook the boy's hands first and didn't know whether to say I knew Federico or not until he said,

"Yes we have met before, how are you, Antonio? The boys were saying they have seen you around but were never introduced." I smiled at them and they were awesome.

"Good to see you again sir, how is your business?"

"Please sit down Antonio, you look uncomfortable standing there and the business is doing just fine." I did what he said and sat next to Carlos who had a smile like his younger brother's, and blue eyes to die for.

"Business is very good son, I was just telling your grandfather he should have invested in the winery when he had the chance."

"So you both know each other from Italy?"

"Yes grandson, Federico is my best friend from school, I didn't know he was in town otherwise we would have done some business I think." He winked at his friend.

"Don't start that rubbish again grandad." I laughed.

"It's an Italian thing Ant, they can't help themselves," Carlos said in my ear. I felt his breath and smelled it too, it was just like Luca's, only it wasn't him. The images flowed as I tried to get a grip on my emotions, this is too much for me so I must be getting back before I make a fool of myself. I started to get up but a hand touched mine and it invited me to sit down again.

"So your Antonio, I thought so when I first saw you at the apartments but I was too shy to ask. I'm the shy one by the way, it's nice to finally meet Luca's friend." When he smiled at me I did made a mess myself, I made the biggest fool of myself by blurting out,

"How is Luca, is he here, has he come back? I have to talk to him, please is he in town?" He leaned back and stared at me for a moment and I felt self-conscious because they were all staring at me so I got up and said,

"My apologies, forgive my rudeness, I'm sorry to disturb your night." Then with a drink in hand and a very heavy flow cascading down my face, I walked towards the front entrance through the double doors and out the front of the building. Thank god there was no one there to see me. I skulled my drink and if I was a smoker I would have lit up, I was shaking so much and I had no idea why I had my little outburst.

I walked to where I could hide between the two building and let it go, I cried so much it hurt. I had bent over against the brick wall with my head resting in my arms and sobbed loudly. I didn't care who heard me, my heart was breaking again. I had already made a fool of myself in there and I can't go back inside until I pull myself together. I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder and thought it might be Gino, he can make my apologies so I can go home but when I turned it was Carlos again. I immediately went into apologetic mode, my tears forgotten and I babbled on about missing a friend called Luca and how we had struck up a good friendship, I was lying because I didn't know how much I could say.

"Antonio, Antonio please calm down, you are talking so I do not understand you, I know ok, I know."

"You know what?"

"That Luca fell in love with you, that you may have felt the same as him. I know that he left you under confusing circumstances and he regrets that every minute of his day."

"How is he, I need to talk with him, he left without even trying to work through whatever we had, or didn't have. God Carlos, I love him so much and I miss him." Yes, they started again so Carlos gave me his crisp white handkerchief to blow my nose. He also walked off and was talking in Italian on the phone, I calmed down and tried to straighten myself up a bit then he came back smiling.

"There is someone on here that wants to talk with you, but before you do keep in mind he is still very raw and confused. I will tell you more later but for now, just talk to him." He passed the phone over and I placed it to my ear. Carlos walked off and said he would get me another drink.

"Hello?"

"Antonio, it is so good to hear your voice once more." I started again but kept the phone to my ear.

"Hush baby, I am here for you, don't be getting so upset. So you have met my horrible brothers?"

"Yes."

"Do you like them?"

"Yes."

"Good, I want you to like them because they are my family."

"Where did you go? What have you been doing, why couldn't you ring me? I am going out of my mind here, I exist to hear your voice again, you have bewitched me, you have captured my heart and refused to give it back. I love you Luca, that's all I've got, just that I love you, then nothing, I got nothing from you, I am nothing." I held off because I was talking gibberish again.

"Antonio, I do love you, and I won't give your heart back until I see you again, at the moment it is keeping me from going insane, may I borrow it for maybe a little bit longer?"

"Yes, of course you can, I can wait, I can wait until you bring it back to me."

"I have had a few problems Antonio. I had a massive personal breakdown in Australia. I think Carlos will tell you now, you have formally met and don't think I am a mad man. I just have to get myself corrected so I can return to you, and before I tackle new things in my life."

"What breakdown, why did you have a breakdown?"

"Carlos will inform you, but for now my mother has given me more sleeping pills so I must rest, that is the best for me for now. I love you Antonio and my heart aches to be with you, your heart is keeping me alive and when I am well enough I will bring it back to you, I promise."

"You better or I will come over there and drag you back here. I love you, Luca."

"I love you too Antonio, God's blessings, and a good night." He disconnected the line before I could answer him, so I hung onto everything he said as I pushed end call.

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