Impossible Love

Impossible Love 43

Maxieplus

After the initial rush to eat at Angelo's it settled down a little and he had most tables full every day he was opened, both Angelo and Gianni were on a high for weeks. My man placed a big order with the Cartasso winery and I believe Adamo is doing great guns with his recipes, we will sample his good one as soon as it arrives, I'm sure both wineries will keep it under a different name.

I had the pleasure of Sabine's company one night on the walkway, she and I had sent the boys to bed and we had a good talk. She was relaxed and spoke freely which was a big step for her.

"Antonio, before I start this for your ears only, I don't want this to get around."

"That goes without saying my lovely."

"My therapist and I are up to the future, and yes I like Tony a lot. I have loved a lot of men in my life and I get so frustrated and lonely it drives me crazy. I have never experienced love or sex since that incident. I can't bring myself to go to bed with a man, it's not their fault, it's mine. Look at me as a virgin Antonio I have no experience except that one time and every time I get close to a man, that image comes back to haunt me."

The penny dropped and I felt so sorry for her that's why she threw herself into the business.

"Antonio say something."

"I hadn't realized that is what happened to you, I am sorry. You have never experienced the gentle touch of a man, the brush of his lips, and the security of him sleeping next to you. We are going to have to rectify that my lovely, you have missed out on so much because of that assholes hold over you."

"I know, but I am scared, Tony seems gentle but what if he's an animal in bed. I would hate to destroy him by stopping anything we had."

"He won't be, but I do have an idea."

"So tell me, how do I become, less frigid?"

"You hire a man."

"What?" She suddenly looked me in the face.

"You hire an expert, take him to dinner let him work on you in his gentle way. Then when the time comes if you aren't all worked up it doesn't matter it's only business. Tell him what happened and tell him you want gentle. He will comply because in the end, he wants your money. I will find a rent site, and you go through the guys and pick one. Talk to him and tell him your concerns then let him take it from there."

"Do you think it will work?"

"If it doesn't, keep trying, you need to be taught how to make love, you need to have that experience in your life. They understand more than you know, they are better than any therapist."

She didn't say anything after that she was thinking about what I said.

"You know I have known many escorts throughout Europe, some ladies collect them like diamonds they always tell me the guys are trustworthy and amazing in bed, maybe you have something."

"What kind of fella do you like?"

"Well I like Tony, but I don't think he's an escort."

"Okay, we look for someone like him, leave it to me sweet cheeks."

I kissed her head and cuddled her, poor girl, imagine going through half your life without sex. I understand, but it's been too long for Sabine something has to happen soon.

There was a silence in the air and something shifted in her life, at least she was thinking about it.

"He will be almost twenty-eight now."

"Who?"

"My son."

"Something else you have to fix."

"Yes but he won't like me for adopting him out."

"You don't know that he could have had a hellish life and would welcome a gentle mama like you."

"He went to a good Gipsy family, I picked them out from a list of potential adoptees. They sent photos to the orphanage for the first four years then they stopped sending them." I saw tears.

"And you didn't once try to even see him?"

"Yes I saw him, I watched him in his town square at Levine beating a smaller boy, my stomach turned, he was just like his father."

"Maybe you got it wrong Sabine, maybe there was a good reason he was doing that."

"I didn't ask, I wanted to run and I did."

"What's his name?"

"Matteo, gift from god."

"Beautiful name lovely, what made you call him that?"

"Since I was a young girl I dreamed of having children, and I had that name already chosen by the time I was twelve for my eldest son. I used that name for him, and he was beautiful, but my head was so screwed up at the time."

"I understand, what a difficult decision you had to make. Did Nina help you with that?"

"Yes, she also had a difficult decision to make but hers was family driven, at the time her father promised to kill her if she came back with a baby. She had no choice, it was a very different time back then." I hugged her then went to get another bottle of wine.

I checked on Lukas and Gianni they were both fast asleep. I had settled down a bit from Italy and placed Lukas back in his room there had been no night frights for him, so I knew he felt safe.

After topping our glasses up I asked her if she would consider meeting her son someday.

"I will Antonio, but I have to be right to do it. I can't go on blaming my son because of what his father did to me. Then there's the other I can't get that cruel image out of my head either. What if he is insane like his father, what do I do then. What if I saw the real Matteo that day. So many questions Antonio so many unanswered questions." And we had tears.

"You send in a mole first, to access the situation with him, and if he's deemed not fit you walk away. If he is fit you may gain your son back." I smiled.

"I have hidden so many lies Antonio, I will never forgive myself for ruining so many lives."

"You haven't ruined anyone's life except your own, and you will succeed to fix that, I know you have the guts to do it. I saw it the first time I met you, I had thought to myself this is one hell of a strong woman."

"Do you really think so Antonio?"

"I sure do." She kissed me and drank her wine.

"Come on walk me home."

"You can stay."

"I can," She smiled.

"Thank you Antonio, you are the only person apart from Nina that knows the whole story and I adore your silence and you."

She will sleep with Lukas tonight a fitting end to an emotional evening. Tomorrow I have to do two things, send an email to Roberto and talk to Iris.

I crawled into bed and Gianni's arms went around me.

'Is it late?"

"Yes baby."

"Did you sort it out?"

"Not yet, give me time, good night." My hand went to his ass and I went to sleep.

"Well don't look at me, I don't have breakfast so early." Sabine was back into mother mode.

"I will do it, but be prepared for mushy eggs and bacon." I offered.

"If you all can hold off for another hour I will shout you breakfast at Angelo's"

We all agreed to let her shout us, and he does do a great breakfast.

She was laying on the floor and it was hard to tell the difference from Lukas's hair and hers they had their noses together playing Eskimos I think. She had changed him and bathed him, now it's playtime, so I went to shower and fix my hair which needs cutting again. The last time I had it cut Gianni stood over me and watched where I was placing my hands. It was a funny experience and I laughed so much Mark my twinkie hairdresser slapped me, he also told me that Cal had moved to Sydney and was opening a market stall there. I asked how his leg was, he said he still has a limp from what he heard.

"Do they know who did it?"

"He told his dopey mates it was the Italian mafia." He laughed and so did I.

I wrote an email to Roberto before I left and while Gianni was in the shower, giving him all the information I had. If anyone can find Matteo it will be Roberto. I will wait until I see Iris again to have a girly talk to her, I'm sure she will help me.

We drove to the market a little early his breakfasts start at seven, so that gives us an hour before the staff arrive at Gianni's. Angelo wasn't there yet but Maxie and Tommaso were, they took our orders and went to alert the two cooks.

"How are you coping boys?"

"Really well Antonio, since Angelo put three more casuals on it's a breeze."

"Good, I am pleased, how's your father Tommaso?"

"Antonio, stop cruising my daddy, you had one dance and now I'm worried about him he talks about you all the time." He laughed, Gianni slapped me. It's going to be one of those days I'm sure.

Sabine didn't say any more about last night, she has the ability to pick herself up and begin again, and that hard personality returns.

"Stop it boys."

"Well he started it." Leon said.

"I didn't." Replied dear Carlos.

"Well just stop it and behave."

They shut up but looked at each other suspiciously.

"The dress shop, when are you opening?"

"Tomorrow Antonio, big opening plenty of wine and food, you know how it goes."

"And have you a name yet?"

"Yes, Sabine Cartasso Couture."

"Try Sabine's it's catchy and simple."

"Thank you I will." I know she already has called it that because I saw her business card on our kitchen table this morning. Plus you couldn't miss the neon sign being installed over her shop.

Breakfast was delicious and free, we were all full and ready for another sleep but no rest for the wicked we had to help the boys open the café. It was a treat today usually it's crappy eggs and bacon sandwiches for breakfast, you would think living with gran for so long I would know how to cook but she never let me near the kitchen when I was growing up. I suppose if I had been a girl it would have been a different story. Talking about grans, somehow Alice had Lukas in her arms, I saw her duck into the florist shop to avoid Sabine's gaze probably. She is using stealth nowadays because when we were talking to the boys she walked past and automatically picked up Lukas who was in his stroller.

I smile at her as she poked her head out the door and she smiled back. Sabine went to her store and looked like she was unpacking stock, it's all very secretive and I will bang on her door later.

I was putting out the napkins and sugar holders when I looked over at the entrance, my young man was standing there again and he was staring at me. I waved him over and he gingerly walked across, he was hunched up and I got the feeling he was waiting for the punch's to land on him. This kid has been abused, he is scared witless so I took a twenty and when he arrived I placed it in his hand.

"You said you had a job?"

"Yes I certainly do have a job for you."

"No dirty stuff just work?"

"Yes no dirty stuff here, just a job."

"Can I have it?"

"You certainly may have the job, but first I need to know how old are you and what is your name?" He shook and rubbed his hand and said.

"John, and I'm nearly sixteen."

Right that's not his name and he's more like nearly fifteen. I went with that we can give kids casual jobs.

"Good, now go and get some breakfast and I will see you back here in half an hour. My names Antonio."

"I know your name, I watch."

"I know you do, so don't be afraid of us. When you get back I will get one of the boys to go buy you some work clothes and if you want to have a shower there's one in the back, it has two locks on the door."

"Do I have to wear those sexy shorts?"

"No, you will have jeans and a tank top to wear."

"Good." His eyes dropped.

He scooted off because I figured he would be really hungry and I went to talk to Gianni.

"He's about fifteen. I don't think his name is right but he wants to be called John. We can pay him cash in hand, if not here I will employ him at the warehouse, he looks like he needs a mum or two."

"He does Antonio, and his name is Remo."

"How do you know?"

"I was talking to Stavros the day you slipped money to him he knew his name."

"How the hell does he know?"

"They are all watching him Antonio. I did offer a job but Stavros said to leave it up to you, there must be a reason he is drawn to you Antonio because when Stavros offered him money, he wouldn't take it."

"I think he's been abused Gianni, he doesn't like older men I think."

"Okay what are you going to do, if he's scared of his own shadow I don't think the café's the place for him."

"I know but at least I have him talking. I will get Pedro or Teddy to go get him some clothes hopefully he will take a shower and I think I will take him over to the warehouse, the ladies will know how to make him feel safe for now."

He kissed me and said.

"I knew you would know what to do."

"Well I'm flying blind at the moment, maybe I will put him in with Alice and Bianca for a start then he can make his mind up."

I saw him standing out the front again so I went out with coffee and sat him down, he kept looking around like he was expecting someone to turn up.

"Now kiddo, what am I going to do with you?"

"I don't know, but I want to get a job but I have to be unseen, can you help me?"

"I certainly can Remo." I smiled he cringed.

"How did you find out?"

"I have many talents son, and name guessing is one of them." I rubbed my earing and continued.

"I have Gypsy magic."

"My dad is a gypsy."

"Where is he Remo?"

"I can't tell you because I don't want him to find me."

"And your mum?"

"She died three months ago."

"I am so sorry baby, that must have been hard for you."

"It was, I ran away because dad didn't care about me anymore, he said I was a waste of space."

"Well I don't think you're a waste of space at all, now I have several jobs. One is here making coffee, one is in that florist shop learning a trade, and one is in my warehouse doing much the same and a little cleaning up."

"Can I stay with you?"

"Why me?"

"You have a baby and you are married. I can trust you not to touch me. When the bogey man comes in the night I run. Sometimes I don't get much sleep."

"Where do you sleep?"

"In the old building in the next street, I am so scared to stay there but there's only the park and that's where the bogey man lives."

"Okay, now you need a job and somewhere to stay, how about you go take a shower and I will find you some clothes."

"Will you stand by the door?"

"Yes I will keep you safe trust me." I smiled.

He finished his coffee and I showed him where the shower was. I gave him a fresh towel and he smiled for the first time. I stood outside the door and watched for the bogey man whoever he is.

When Pedro came out I gave him some money to go buy some jeans for him, I think I guessed his size right but if not we will change them.

He took his time and when he came out he was a new boy, I could see his face better and he was Italian by the looks of him. I handed him the jeans and a top he eagerly went to change into them.

I then took him to Alice and Bianca.

"I want you to work with these fine ladies today, just sweeping up and refilling the flower buckets. They don't have time to do it because they are babysitting my son."

"I know, I watch."

"And I will watch you from the café and if there's anything you want do not hesitate to ask, we are all here to help you."

As I walked back to the café leaving a very enthusiastic boy with some mothering ladies Stavros grabbed my hand.

"Sit Antonio we must talk."

"What's up Stavros and you still owe me a hundred dollars for that foodie write-up." He laughed and said I was to talk to Angelo about it, but in doing so I may have to pay for my breakfast, he winked.

"The boy Remo, has he told you anything?"

I told Stavros all I knew even about the bogey man, he surprised me by saying he had been trying to get the boy's confidence to help him out, but he runs away. I told him I thought he had avoided older men because they want to abuse him. His face went ashen and he said he has heard rumors about such things happening in the park at night, it wasn't safe for a young boy to be on his own.

He would offer to pay a lady to keep him safe but he can't get him to speak.

"Antonio I know many ladies on their own that would love to mother a boy like him, good women. Can you please tell him I am not the bogey man?"

"Of course I will, but I don't want to push him away that's all."

"The fact he is trusting you Antonio tells me he's pushing towards you and us, not away."

"I see your point Stavros. I will have another talk to him at lunchtime, but for the moment he has two ladies to fuss over him."

"Good move." He winked.

"How did you find out his name?"

"It was sent out by his father a few weeks ago, I wasn't sure but I wanted to hear his side of the story before I contacted him. Antonio we may be sending him back to something much worse than the bogey man."

"Good thinking, have you his father's address?"

"Yes, but not now let us get to know him first."

"Yes, but I do think it's something he called him like a waste of space, his mum died not long ago and I suppose his father's grieving."

"I will give it to you when we get more info on the father and Antonio?"

"Yes Stavros?"

"We really should do something about cleaning that park up one day, too many things happen there at night time, especially at the hole in the wall. Boy could I tell you some stories." He winked once more, he sure does wink a lot.

I laughed at the crafty bugger, he knows everything, he also knows the hole in the wall has been retired from my life for ages. But how does he know about it?

I went back to see my husband about a house guest but I needn't have worried about it because Alice was on board and firing on all cylinders.

"Have you sorted him out yet Antonio?" I looked at the boys they were back in their favorite spot and Gianni was with them. I picked up Remo's tattered track pants and shirt and put them in the bin.

"I don't know Gianni, I have to have another talk with him. How do you feel about having a house guest for a few days?"

"He can come and live with us Antonio," Carlos said.

I stared at them both and said.

"Maybe not at this stage, he's very scared of older men."

"We are not old Antonio, we would love to have a son."

"Let's try and fix the problem first. So what do you think about having a house guest?" I looked back at Gianni.

"I know you would like a twinkle in the house Antonio, so I will allow it just this one time."

"That's big of you." I walked out to help at the coffee machine, and there was no need to be talking that way, he's not a twinky he's a nice teen.

"I was joking with you Antonio, of course, he can come and stay with us, you know that."

"Good, now be sensible Gianni no mucking around. I get to screw him first right?"

"Yes Antonio, I would never spoil your fun times."

I kissed him and then I went to see my new friend.

Remo was playing with my son and both were giggling, it was nice to see and hear.

"Antonio, a word if I may."

"Of course Alice what is it?"

"Remo has decided he would very much like to sleep in my spare room for a while, so I will be taking him home tonight." I thought about Federico, will Remo cope with him being around. She then pulled me out into the breezeway and said.

"I have told him about my Federico and he's promised me he will try to like him." She smiled.

"Then I will leave him in your capable hands then, have you got a surname or address yet?"

"Tonight, I will work on him, are you going to see his father?"

"I might do that, he may have heard his dad wrong but I will suss it out. Stavros has an address but he wants to check the father out first apparently he's been looking for him everywhere."

I told Remo he must start trusting people again, and he's to come to me if he has any problems but I didn't think he would now, he's safe and Alice is a good woman. I also winked at Stavros as I walked by, he was having a game of cards and Sabine was winning I think.

"When is your mama opening her shop Gianni?"

"I think tomorrow Antonio, she just ordered some wine and I think something from Angelo's for tomorrow."

"All right, it will be good for her to be working again."

"Yes but I think she will be playing cards all day, she may need an assistant."

"Probably, but that's up to her. I can't help with that."

I looked at the two boys they were on their first vino so I sat with them and had one too.

"We would like a baby Antonio."

"Yes that would be nice why don't you investigate it further, maybe you could adopt."

"We want a grown-up one Antonio, someone like you," Leon said.

"Well I'm up for it if you want to put me in a nappy and feed your milk to me." I laughed.

"That would be good Antonio." Carlos, my ever-loving man, he's so innocently gorgeous.

"So any work today boys or are you hanging around here again?"

"We have a planning to do Antonio."

"Carlos shut up," Leon said through his teeth.

"Sorry Leon."

"So what is it, an event you don't want me to know about or is it a secret that you don't want to share?"

"No Antonio, it's no concern for you."

"You know I will find out anyway, but what I can't understand is why you would be so spiteful to your brother, after all, he has loved you both for a very long time." They dropped their heads and I thought to myself, they are so easy.

"We are sorry Antonio, there is a big wine festival in the Barossa Valley next month, we didn't think Gianni would be interested because it's far away from you."

"Thank you boys I will not tell him then, I don't want him traveling too far from home."

"What?" Leon nearly screamed.

"The festival is on every year as you know, but it's more for the locally made wines than imports, but have fun anyway."

I got up and left them with their mouths open there is no way I would go there, the local industry will bury us, and we need to promote more Australian wines anyway.

Naturally they were trying to play me again, I am a wake up to their games. The next event is in Sydney at the showgrounds, I must get onto getting quotes to ship the Combi van there.

We could drive up but it's better to have it shipped, keeps the wear and tear down to a minimum. I helped Gianni sell a couple of crates of his cheap plonk then I served a nice looking guy who wanted something special for his proposal night, he had no hesitation dropping seven hundred into the coffers.

I was eyeing off the cakes and wondered if Remo would like one, I grabbed a coffee and cake then sat out the front. My luck today ran out when three of Cal's dopey mates decided to grace me with their presence. I hoped they hadn't seen me and I have already forgotten their names but when I heard 'Hook" being mentioned I saw red.

Gianni came and sat with me and I seethed, but he calmed me down by kissing me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw them staring at Gianni I could almost see the saliva dripping from their mouths. Luckily Pedro served them and they wanted wines. I suppose their money is as good as anyone else's. Sabine joined us and she was telling me what she has planned for tomorrow, it all sounded very posh to me.

"I hope you're not going to overprice your garments baby, the locals can't afford city prices."

"They will be priced accordingly Antonio, I want my ladies to earn some money, so no, I haven't overpriced them." She smiled sweetly at me.

Gino arrived, he was on a break so he ordered coffee and sat, he was saying that he heard a rumor that a film crew was scouting the market for a possible documentary had we heard anything? We said no but will ask Nina she would know, I was looking at Gino his arms are getting bigger, all this exercise he's been doing is good for him. His coffees arrived and he scooted off then I heard Teddy yelp, Gianni was sitting facing the drop kicks and immediately he stood up and squared his shoulders, he walked over to them and we all heard him say.

"This is not a pick up bar boys, I will thank you kindly not to touch my staff inappropriately otherwise I will get the police involved, please, enjoy your drinks." He walked back and sat, a slight grin came over his face and he leered at me.

"Sometimes it takes a man to sort the boys from the men Antonio. I hope you took some notice." I couldn't stop laughing and when I walked back into the café I turned and gave the three guys the bird, I felt so much better when they packed up and left and so did Teddy when I patted his little tush.

That night on the steps we had a special visitor, Alice and Federico bought Remo with them and as he sat there quietly I tried to talk to him.

"Is your room nice?"

"Yes Antonio, it's very nice, she's a nice lady."

"Would you like a vino?"

"Just a small one, my dad only gave me small ones."

"Do you miss him?"

"Yes, but I miss mum more."

I poured him a small one and handed it over, he sipped on it.

"Gino!" Anna yelled out the window, I jumped.

"What?"

"Come here and open this can will you."

"Bring it out here."

"No, you come here, pronto."

He shook his head and giggled as he went to open the bloody can for Anna.

He took his time, maybe she had two cans to open. I heard Remo giggle.

"Just like mum and dad they were always screaming at each other, even if they were in the same room together."

"Did they fight a lot?"

"No, not my parents they loved each other."

This is confusing the hell out of me, it doesn't sound like his dad would abandon him.

"Remo, do you know who the bogey man is?"

"No, he calls my name in the night, when I hear him I run. I have always been scared of him and now I think he has found me."

"I don't think so baby, the only man out there that knows your name is your papa, do you think it might be him looking for you."

"No, he won't look for me I'm too stupid and a waste of space."

"Okay, you just enjoy yourself at Alice's and I will see you in the morning bright and early." He smiled again. I said my good nights to everyone early, I have business to do and a date with a computer and a dear new friend to phone.

Gianni wasn't suspicious and he said he will see me in ten minutes, I told him to take his time. I grabbed Lukas and we headed upstairs, thank god the lift will be working by the weekend and we get the keys in a week for our new home.

There weren't any emails from Roberto so I guess I am being over anxious, and he's only just started the investigation.

Iris was at home and I made a date with her to come to Angelo's in the next day or two. I will take her to lunch and have a chat with her. I also told her not to bring Tony because it concerned him.

Just as I hung up Gianni walked in and I grabbed a bottle then sat with him on the walkway.

"Making secret phone calls Antonio, I will lose some little trust for you if it goes on much longer." I laughed and kissed my silly Gypsy.

"Just Iris baby, I'm taking her to lunch in a few days."

"Do you have business with her?"

"Yes kiddo, I want to find out some more about Tony."

"Why?"

"Because Sabine and him are smitten with each other, and I want more information before I get them together."

"She won't like that Antonio, she doesn't like interference."

"Well maybe I might just push it a little, she's been on her own for too long." I kissed him and he got one of those deep thoughtful looks on his face, he nodded his acceptance and looked at me.

"She has been on her own since my father raped her."

"Yes baby."

"I am sorry for her Antonio, she needs to find amore I think."

"I am having lunch with Iris maybe she can help."

He grinned at me and kissed me deeply.

"That would be so good for mama."

"I know, so not a word to the boys please Gianni. Do it this time it's too important and your mama is very fragile at the moment."

"She has never known another man Antonio, I must help." He's smart and he has guessed the problem.

"You can help by leaving this to me."

"Okay but if you need me say so."

"I will."

We put our arms around each other and watched the moon until the boys came up.

"I love you Antonio, I wish I could love you more and get more feelings for you." I cried into his shoulder, when I think I have it all under control a few words make me crash into a bawling mess, I felt the same as he does but how do you love someone more? how do you do that?