Chapter 2
Impossible Love
I didn't see him the next day when I left, I was going to see my grandparents who live about ten minutes away. I had acquired some cannabis oil from the market for my grandad's pain and wanted to get it to him as soon as possible. Nan as always had cooked up a storm for lunch and I got the obliquity takeaway containers that were placed in the fridge ready for me to take home. Grandad used to argue with me about the oil but I finally convinced him one day when his gout was bad and his pain pills were doing nothing for it. He only takes some drops and it lasts a few hours but at night he takes more so he can sleep. It's not cheap and I pray they make it legal soon. I guess the government is trying to make up their minds on how much they can fleece the public for it, until they do it's illegal to buy. Anyway, that's politics and I don't care anymore, I get it under the counter for my loving grandad's pain, end of story.
After we had lunch I sat and talked to them both about buying an apartment. Grandad was worried I may not be able to come up with the repayments but I set him straight and told him roughly what kind of income I had. I think he was surprised I took that much a week, he never seemed to care too much for what I was doing, he thought I could have made better choices but at least he did give me some good advice now and then.
"Well Antonio, I have always told you to put your money into brick and mortar, you can't go wrong really, buy one, and in two years buy another and another, let them build up."
"How many do you own now Grandad?" I smiled.
"I have few son, they give your grandmother and I a good life." He never tells me what he owns but I know he was always doing deals years ago, and I say good luck to them.
The subject was changed and I was now talking about boyfriends and weddings with my grandma, that was my cue to get out of there and go home. I never felt the need to tell my grandparents about my sex life, of which I virtually had none. I always assumed they would be the first to find out when I find myself an awesome husband.
I loaded up my backpack with food and started walking home. I wanted to walk off some of that wonderful food Nan cooked, but also I do my best thinking while I'm walking. It was such a beautiful day and it was so nice to see a lot of people out and about just taking in the rare sunshine. It's been a particularly hard winter this year and I think people are just glad to be able to get out of the house. The mornings are still cold though and I still freeze going to the wholesalers and the market.
Arriving at the flats there was no one around so I headed upstairs to put my food in the fridge then I made an appointment with my doctor for the following Monday. There was a message from Cal, he was insisting I go to the club tonight but I don't think so, I have to be up at four in the morning. It doesn't matter what time he opens his stall and sometimes he doesn't turn up until ten in the morning. I guess he makes a living out of it otherwise he wouldn't do it, and he's only rung me because his mates won't be out tonight. I did my usual thing and had a wank, then I watched some Netflix and was in bed by nine.
With my list in hand, I started for the wholesalers at four-thirty, again having a good run on the freeway. I noticed Gino's truck in the big car park but he was nowhere to be seen so I unloaded my trolley and started my morning routine. With cash in hand I started filling it up with bright fresh blooms, I was thinking about Cal, and I will see him today at the market. I suppose he got a lay last night, as usual. I might go out with him later in the week, I will have to see what my really busy schedule says. Cal was the preverbal boy next door, blonde blue-eyed and a body to die for, his shape was perfect. A little taller than my five foot ten height and the market stall he rented to get rid of his father's excess stock. His father was in the leather business and Cal sold his last seasons and deleted stock. Yes, at the prices he charges he's making good money especially from the ladies who he seems to mostly attract. But in my head. I couldn't bring myself to get over the fact he calls me, `Hook' behind my back. Sometimes I wish he would leave the market and I wouldn't have to deal with him anymore.
I loaded my van at the wholesalers and headed for the market, the heating was most welcome when it kicked in and I didn't want to exit the van, I wanted to sit until the sun came up. But all things must come to an end, so I hauled myself out and started the routine I was very familiar with. Gino arrived with his loaded bins about ten minutes later so I said hi and made us coffee, and it was very much welcomed by us both.
"I didn't see you yesterday, did you go out Ant?"
"Yes, to my grandparent's place for the day, it was nice to see them."
"Do they live local?"
"Ten minutes away Gino, not far to walk. Did you and Maria do anything special?"
"No, we spent the morning talking, she cooked a nice lunch and then we sat out the front for a while until she had to go home."
"Where did you meet her, she's not one of your customers is she?"
"No, she's a friend of my ex's, I've always liked her."
"Oh, isn't that getting a bit too close to home?"
"No, she wouldn't care anyway, Maria was one of our bridesmaids and she doesn't see much of my ex nowadays."
"Okay, you know what you're doing, I wish you good luck." Fucking idiot, I thought.
"Thanks Ant." He went off and started up the forklift to unload his bins while I went into the cooler and got my buckets out. When I had finished I stood at my counter making up some big bunches and by six-thirty I had a few customers. Some mornings early risers dotted the market waiting for everything to open up. I counted out the money for the register and placed the remaining wad of notes back into my back pocket. I have to go to the bank soon and see if they will give me a housing loan, apart from the balance in my account I have a lot of cash hidden in the flat under the dresser, now and then I bank some, but I like having it around just in case. Pat arrived and made more coffee, while Gino had finished setting up and went off to park his truck.
"We have a new girlfriend unfortunately," I whispered to her.
"Yes I know, Maria Lombardo, I heard a rumour yesterday that she stayed Monday night." My gut dropped.
"I met her and she seems nice enough."
"You so hate her."
"Yes, I hate her, stuck up bitch." I laughed.
"So do I." We stood there perving on Gino as he threw his awesome body around the stall, he then came over to grab his coffee.
"Good morning Pat, how were your days off?"
"Good Gino, Frank and I went to the Italian club for lunch yesterday, it hasn't changed one bit, and the food was excellent as usual."
"I am going there tonight with Maria Lombardo; you remember her don't you?"
"Yes Gino, I remember Maria, I think she's sort of nice but I haven't spoken much to her."
"She is nice and we get along good." He sipped his drink and I don't know if he meant it or not, but when he lifted his deep green eyes he winked at me, what a wet dream. That shot would look awesome in any men's magazine.
Pat moved off smiling to herself and started setting up the registers when the other two casuals turned up. He leaned on my bench and I offered him a fresh croissant to munch on, which he took. I get them from the bakery early and they are the freshest and best ones in town.
"What did you think of her Ant?"
"Well I'm no expert but Pat was right, she seems nice. Gino, please don't get me wrong here but please don't fall into that trap again. I mean you have only just got out of one mess, do you want to go back there again?" He stared at me and said,
"Ant, I like her and I have always liked her. I think she's going to be good for me and time will tell, I'm not rushing into anything just yet, we are friends, that's all."
"Good, because I don't want to see you being hurt and ripped off."
"I won't be Ant, and thank you for being concerned. I get that I'm probably on a rebound or something."
"Well nobody wants to see you hurt mate."
He looked puzzled at my concern but I'm sure he understood what I was trying to say. I went back to my work and around nine I started getting busy. Cal was at his stall and of course he was just setting up. I waved as I served two customers who dropped some serious money into my coffers. I worked my butt off until the lunchtime crowd disappeared over to the food hall to have their lunch, this was my time to go to the toilet and maybe get something to eat.
I asked Pat to keep an eye on my stall and went to find some food in the food hall, it was busy as hell and there wasn't a spare table to be seen so I grabbed a roll and started to go back to my stall. Gino and Maria were sitting at one of the tables, I waved to her and got one back then I went on my way. I didn't want to go over to say hello as my stomach ached, like it had a brick stuck in it again. I spent the rest of the day trying to not stare at him, it's all about distancing yourself from what hurts you the most so I decided to try a little harder to push Gino into the background, and anyway there's nothing there to even suggest he would be interested in me, except for a bit of gay play now and then.
By Friday night I had worked myself into a sex frenzy so I decided to take myself down to the club and hoped maybe I might get lucky. I rang Cal and he was more than eager to go so I said I would meet him there around nine. I dressed to impress tonight chucking my baggy t-shirt for a more fitted one, and my new Wranglers body hugged my ass. I felt good and was optimistic about having a good night, I wanted to get laid.
I arrived at the venue full of beans and got myself a drink then turned to find Cal and his friends.
I tried to have a conversation with Cal but he had someone hanging off him so he wasn't interested in what I had to say, or me for that matter. As I stood by a bench that was attached to a wall, I thought to myself, what the fuck am I doing here? Cal's other friends virtually had ignored me, and quite frankly I would rather be sitting on the steps with Gino and smiling at the passing parade.
I skulled my drink and left shortly after, I didn't say good night to anyone but just slipped into the night. It was a balmy sort of night so I decided to walk home, and as I said before I do all my best thinking when I'm walking, and it's not far from home. I couldn't wait to get to the doctors on Monday to have my nose done, then I can become someone else, it will improve my standing a little maybe and my self-confidence will be lifted.
"Gino, why are you still out here, and on your own I see." I smiled because he always makes me feel happy, but I reminded myself that I was trying to wean myself off him.
"Hi Ant, you look very nice tonight. Maria went home early. I don't know what happened but she wasn't happy, please sit down and have a drink with me Ant." He poured me a drink and I sighed and sat down next to him.
"Thank you, so what happened?"
"She was quite strange and kept asking me what kind of money I make, and wanted to know why I lived in this crappy neighbourhood."
"Really?"
"Yes, I thought she was a nice enough person but now I'm thinking she's just like my ex, why would she be concerned about my money or where I live, it's none of her bloody business?"
"Maybe she's more of a friend of your ex's that she lets on, maybe she's here to fleece you of the rest of your bank balance Gino. Be careful please, people don't ask those sorts of questions, especially after a few days of dating, it's pretty bloody rude."
"You're right Ant, I guess I almost fell for another bitch and I didn't see it coming."
"Gino, can I say something you may not like?" I sipped my drink.
"Yes Ant, anything."
"She will come back and apologize, she will realize she's shown her hand too early and will try and smooth it over, please don't fall for it, for my sake and your own, please."
"Thank you Antonio, but I have already decided we won't see each other again." Well, you make sure you end it otherwise she might think you're having second thoughts." He topped my drink up and sighed.
"You're lonely, aren't you?" I asked.
"Yes Ant, being married for those few years I got used to having someone in my life, but now I don't know whether I want anyone now."
"Well join the club, I've been on my own so long I don't even know what loneliness is anymore."
"I can't imagine that Ant, from what I hear gays find it easy to get laid."
"Not me Gino, not me." He ignored my plight.
"I guess I will have to talk to her about it, something I don't want to have to do."
"You will have to, but you also have to be careful and don't date anyone that knows your ex, it's suicidal."
"I get your point Ant, I wish you were a girl, I get along with you better than anyone." He turned and looked at me.
"I wish I was too Gino. I would be doing you to death." I blushed because I didn't mean to say that. He laughed and I could see he was blushing too.
"Oh, and what would you do me with Ant?" He was still laughing and playing the game again.
"My mouth would be constantly sucking on your dick twenty-four-seven, my ass would be made available anytime you wanted a fuck, and my shoulder would be there in case you wanted to cry."
"I hear you Ant, but I'm not made that way." My dick jumped.
"Maybe you're not Gino." He confused me sometimes.
I had heard the rumours about straight guys sometimes letting their gay friends suck on them, and if they don't reciprocate then they can tell themselves they aren't gay. Gino sits in that category, maybe he will get to like it, but I would always be looking over my shoulder for his next girlfriend, and I hated him for that, and I hated myself more for letting it happen.
"Well it's time for bed Ant, thank you for the talk, I appreciate it." We said our goodnights and I went home alone, and I couldn't get to that computer fast enough.
Monday morning and I had my appointment, my doctor is a good guy because as soon as I mentioned my nose he wrote me out a referral to a plastic surgeon friend of his.
"Tell him what you want Antonio, otherwise he will just straighten your nose out and you may end up with a bigger one." He smiled.
"I want my nose to look like my dad's, I have photos, do you think he would be able to do that?"
"I think so, he's the expert so take yourself and your photos over to his surgery and talk to him about it. Are you working this afternoon?"
"No, not until Wednesday."
"Hang on a minute." He left the room for five minutes then came back with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Here he will see you at three today, go home and get your dad's pictures and go see him."
"What will he charge me, do you know?"
"Nothing Antonio, it will all be covered by the health system, but maybe you will have to pay a little for the anaesthetist, a few hundred maybe." I was so grateful to him and more grateful to Gino for telling me about it. I rushed home to get what I needed then caught a train into the city to arrive at the appointed time. After a long chat with the surgeon, I felt more comfortable with it all and we booked a date two weeks from now. As I rode the train home I started getting worried and by the time it got to my station I felt a little sick. In my pocket was the instructions and what I should expect after the surgery. I will spend one night in his surgery then they will release me to go it alone, I had already decided I would go to Nan's place to recover, just in case anything happens.
As I walked up to my apartment house I saw Maria leaving, she got into a cab and I don't think she saw me. Gino was standing on the steps waving goodbye but I wasn't in the mood for this. I already knew what was going on so I tried to look inconspicuous thinking he might go back inside before I get there. But no such luck, he was already sitting with his vino on the steps when I arrived.
"Hi, Gino." I gave him a friendly wave.
"Hi Ant, how did you go?"
"I get it done in two weeks and thank you, my doctor is putting it through as corrective surgery I think, so I don't pay much at all."
"That's good Ant, do you want a vino?"
"No thanks Gino, I have some things to do." I fobbed him off because I don't want to hear how happy he is that Maria was back in his life. She must have spun him a pretty good story.
I started walking up the stairs and by the look on his face he was desperate to talk to me, but I'm not buying into it at all.
I opened my door and slipped inside, leaning on it I caught my breath, and once again I decided not to get involved in his personal life ever again. I calmed myself down and sat at the table, I even poured myself a small drink as I read the instruction sheet. It was all straight forward and when I grasped the gist of it I rang my grandparents. My Nan was shocked that I was doing it but she was looking forward to looking after me for a week maybe, if I can stand the smothering that long. When I explained I wanted it to look like my poppa's nose she calmed down and said,
"Antonio, that's the way it should be, do you want me to come with you. Your father had a beautiful nose."
"No Nan, I will get the train there and catch a cab to your place, then my life is yours again." I laughed.
"You are so naughty, but I do love you, grandson."
"I love you too gran, now I have to organize someone to look after my stall, just for a few days."
"Use your cousin Tommy, he's in the market business."
"I might give him a call, thanks Nona, I will talk to you later."
"Love you." She then hung up. I thought about it and she is right, Tommy is in the market business, selling illegal tobacco is a big business but I don't think he knows anything about flowers. I also decided it would only be for five days trading, I could afford to lose that business so I'll close my stall down, I can't have Tommy selling his illegal stuff because it will tarnish my business.
I watched some TV and thawed out some of my gran's lasagne and grazed on it, then I went into the bathroom and started looking at my nose, it was actually at that moment that I got pretty excited about the op. After I got into bed I was thinking about it again, but then Gino's image appeared and I forced myself to shut it out but it kept coming back. How the hell do women do it, she's back in his life, just like that, a snap of the fingers and he's jelly again. I guess there really are some stupid men out there, and now I have a raging fat and my hand wants to stroke it.
I was up at four throwing everything on that will keep me warm, then I sat for a few minutes and had coffee and some muesli, I need to get back into my running again but not today I will be exhausted before I even start. The rain pelted down as I drove to the wholesalers and I figured the market wouldn't be all that busy, that's if it sets in for the whole day. I grabbed what I needed and headed for work, it was freezing in those big sheds but luckily the van heater had kicked in and I was so cosy for a while.
I started unloading my flowers and was halfway through setting up when Gino arrived.
"Good morning Ant."
"Good morning Gino, bloody cold this morning, I hope this rain doesn't settle in for the whole day."
"Me too, it will be a long day if there are not many customers. The day goes faster when we are busy but I doubt whether it will be like that today." Under my counter, I have a small blow heater, I had to use it in the dead of winter because my feet nearly fell off. It's okay for Gino, he's running around filling stock all day but I don't have a lot to do here, only make posies and replacing a few bunches of flowers. I sat and did my thing with the ribbons and sleeves while the heat pumped out onto my lower legs, I didn't want to move but I had to go get some more stock.
"Ant, can we talk for a minute?"
"Sure Gino, what's up."
"I wanted to let you know that Maria and I are back together, she apologized and said she was only interested in my life, that's all."
"I see." I wasn't going to say much, it's his problem, not mine.
"Well I just wanted to tell you that's she's okay and I misjudged her."
"I'm sure she is Gino and I'm sure you did." I could feel the sarcasm dripping from my lips but he didn't notice. I moved away and grabbed some bunches from the cooler, then I almost rushed back to the heater.
Pat arrived and we said our good mornings before she went to make us a coffee, and it was much needed at this time. I had finished my set up and was cleaning my bench when she placed the coffee in front of me.
"Well, she wiggled her way back." She smiled at me.
"Who?"
"Maria, they broke up Saturday night and by Monday they were back together, how did that happen?"
"God only knows, but he's in for more trouble than his wife gave him I think. How did you know anyway?"
"His ex's sister told me, apparently the ex is now Maria's best friend again, I wouldn't trust either of them as far as I could kick them Ant."
"Neither would I. I had a good talk to him on Saturday night and I thought he had it all sorted out, but she was back Monday, he just told me she's nice and he had misjudged her." I put a sarcastic smile on my face.
"I pity him, he's not strong enough to take the two of them on."
"So what do you think Pat?"
"I think the ex is telling her what he owns and earns and Maria is going for broke, she wants what the ex has I think. The ex's sister is the better bet, he would be happy with her, she's the complete opposite to her, a real worker."
"I don't suppose she has any designs on him has she?" I asked.
"No, she thinks he's another dumb Italian." She laughed this time as Gino came over to grab his coffee.
"What's the joke?"
"Ant was just telling me about his weekend." She didn't elaborate.
"Did he tell you about the operation Monday week?"
"No, what operation?" She looked at me so I rubbed my nose and said,
"This is going."
"Really? oh, Ant at last you're doing something about it, good on you."
"Thanks, but I hope it doesn't end up being worse than it is."
"It's not that bad Ant, but we could all do with a little improvement in our lives." She grinned at Gino.
My mind immediately went to Gino's life, yes I agree, he could do with some improvement too.
"Do you want me to come and nurse you?"
"No thanks Pat, my Nan is doing that. I will close the market down for a week and from what I read in the paperwork the swelling will be starting to go down by then."
My first customer arrived and so did Cal, he wanted to know what happened the other night so I told him I snuck out and went home.
"Okay Ant, it was nice to see you out and about at least." He laughed, he knew bloody well why I went home, his ignorant look doesn't fool me.
He went to set up and I watched his bubble butt move around in his sweats, it was very entertaining.
It wasn't over yet and about two hours later Maria turned up with Gino's lunch, she had been cooking all morning. They sat up the back and she giggled a lot as he ate, but there was something about him today I couldn't quite place my finger on. As I sat and ate my sandwich I looked over and he was looking at me. Several times I caught him staring and I noticed his face was a little bit red.
Maybe she's embarrassing him but we are used to it, his ex-used to do that all the time, bring him a hot lunch. I was getting mad at them because it was obvious they were acting like a couple of school kids. Anyway, after lunch I got Pat to keep an eye on my stall while I went to talk to the manager of the market just to let him know I would be closed for a week, he was okay about it and wished me luck with my op.
I didn't have to tell him why, only that I wouldn't be there but I did anyway because he's a great bloke and was concerned that I may not be coming back.
I stood and talked to Cal for a few minutes who was telling me about the other night's conquest, seems there is a new guy on the block called Luca, he had turned up after I had left.
After a few questions, he admitted that the guy was bloody awesome, but he didn't go home with him as much as he and his fake friends tried. He had a few dances and drinks with him but Luca didn't seem to be into anything much, he was just there to have a few drinks. I mused to myself that he had bombed out, it's not very often he does that.
At my lock-up time I counted the money and it hadn't been a good day so I stowed everything away and headed for home. I wanted to do some shopping and I needed new underwear so I headed into Target to grab a six-pack, while looking through the specials I came across a new range of Rory hipsters so I thought why not, new nose, sexy underwear, time for a change in old habits I think. I bought six pairs and then I headed for home. Gino was out the front again and asked me if I wanted to sit with him but I said no, I had too much to do. It was then I noticed the for sale sign. The top floor flat was up for sale and it was right up my alley with two bedrooms and a small balcony which would be good for a herb garden. I took note of the number.
"Are you thinking of buying it?"
"I think I will have a go at it Gino, depends on what they are asking for it."
"I think three hundred grand Ant. I know the owner she wants a quick sale."
"Do you know if she's in?"
"Yes I saw her at the market, she said she was coming straight home." I thanked him and went straight up to the apartment.
I almost bolted up the stairs to get to the top floor then I knocked on the door.
A slim sixties-plus lady answered the door, we had passed each other occasionally but never met formally.
"Hello, I am sorry. we haven't met yet, I'm Alice and you're Antonio." She held her hand out to shake mine and she knew my name.
"Pleased to meet you Alice, I have seen you around but our paths never really crossed, I'm sorry also."
"Not a bother, come in young man." She was very friendly.
"Would you like a real coffee Antonio?" She smiled and I think she's a little lonely.
"Yes Alice, that would be very nice and please call me Ant."
"She offered biscuits and we sat with the sun streaming through the big windows, the rain had let up and the late afternoon sun was warming the living room. The windows were big and the sliding door went out to a pretty large balcony, I had always thought they were small but I only saw them from the ground up. I told her what the visit was all about and she didn't seem all that surprised.
"So you're thinking about buying my lovely apartment then?"
"If I can gather up enough money, I would love to be its next owner."
"My late husband and I bought the place in the fifties, it was much different then, we renovated it and put in an extra powder room for guests, but nothing's been done since then."
"You did an awesome job Alice, it's beautiful, have you bought elsewhere?"
"Yes, just four doors up on the street level. I can't wait to get into it, the stairs are too much for me nowadays, there was a time when I could run up and down them all day every day, but not now." I smiled because she still looked pretty nimble to me.
"How much are you asking?"
"Just under three hundred Ant, two ninety."
"Will you take a cash deposit?"
"Cash is always nice to have around." She giggled.
"I'll give you three hundred and you can move anytime you like."
"Done, we have a deal then young man, I take it the market is very good to you."
"It is Alice. I have some cash stashed in the flat, I will go get it when we finish signing the contract." She got up and shuffled a few papers on her kitchen bench and handed me a pen.
"You can get a loan for the balance can't you?"
"Yes Alice, I already have the go-ahead from my bank. I have more money in there I can use and the loan will be small and manageable. I would like to buy a few apartments in this area as its up and coming and I want to get in on the ground floor."
"So you will sell this one?" She looked disappointed.
"Never, this is my forever home, or until I can't manage the stairs anymore." I laughed.
She then grinned and I think she was happy.
I signed the contract and she co-signed, and I bought her apartment just like that.
"Do you need a hand to shift?" I offered.
"No and yes Ant, Gino has offered his truck to carry the heavy stuff and the rest I can tote back and forth, it's not far away but Gino will need a hand."
"I will help then if you don't mind, I don't have a lot to move but can I start storing some stuff in here or on the balcony beforehand, like when you're ready that is?"
"That would be perfectly okay with me, and thank you for the offer to help."
I went downstairs and got three bundles of cash from under my sideboard and handed it to her, she started counting it out and it was exactly thirty grand.
"This will come in handy Ant, saves me having to go to the bank and all that."
"Good, I will go to the bank tomorrow and organize a transfer to your account."
"Can you get me some more cash?" What are you up to my lady? I smiled.
"Of course I can, but are you dodging the pension police?"
"Yes Antonio, I have too much in the bank as it is. Just limiting the fallout honey."
"That's fine, how much do you want?"
"Is another twenty too much to ask?"
"Done, and I will bring it up tomorrow."
"Good, I will give you a receipt and put the sale price down as two fifty, it will make your stamp duty a lot less, we won't mention the fifty cash." She winked then handed me a receipt and I was feeling quite happy with myself, I guess that confidence I'm expecting has already started to arrive, and she saved me a bundle of cash.
I had another look around and thought I could do something with this, sure it needed brightening up a bit, but knowing me I probably will leave it because there is only me.