Warning: The usual disclaimers apply here. If you don't like any of the following, leave now: gay sex, vulgar or harsh language, etc.
This is pure fiction. No one in this story is a real person, living or deceased. Please do not copy without my consent. Please practice safe sex.
Subject: I'm Not Gay? Am I? Chapter 10
I blame the pain medication. It had caused my June to be only a mix of blur memories. I really was not myself. Only the pain and the medications controlled me. I was helpless in my bed. The final night I was on the meds I had allowed my sickness to take over me. I knew after I laid there alone in the dark that what happened was not the only time. It was apparent Josh had used my weakened state of mind to take advantage of me. But I can't blame him. My actions had led to situation with Ryan that summer long ago. My actions had led Josh to experience the sickness. And once again as the older brother I needed to fix the situation. I could never let my sickness make Josh go through the same emotional struggles I have. I needed to fight. It was time to get control once again. I had to get my life back.
I threw the medication down the toilet the next morning. I endured the pain and pushed myself daily. Within a week I was eating better and regaining strength. Every time I felt a sharp stab of pain I knew it was pain I deserved for my sins. I used the pain to fight back. Josh would still come to my room sometimes to check on me but my responses to him were short one word answers. And every night I would lock my door to make sure he and I were safe from each other. I heard the knob turn against the lock on several nights. Even a couple nights he knocked on my door and whispered my name, begging me to open the door. But I remained strong. I had to break him of his desire. Yes there were nights I would think how easy it would be for us both to just let it happen again. It could be our secret. But I knew I couldnt. Yes I jacked my cock at times and thought of Josh. But each time I felt how disgusting I was once the moment passed. I used those feelings to push forward.
By August I was 80% back in shape, even using the weight room in the basement to rebuild my arms and chest. My body returned to it's muscled hardness and I felt more of myself. I was getting back in control. I hated the fact that I was pushing Josh away, but it was what I had to do. I even went so far as to get a hold of Cindy Frandel, a girl I knew from church who had a little sister Josh's age. Yes I fixed up my brother and he didn't realize it. Cindy and I orchestrated a random incident when they ran into Josh at the supermarket. The introduction worked and Josh began to live normally dating Cindy's little sister Jenny now. With determination I finally thought I had fixed things.
"I'm not coming back to college this fall." That is what the instant message said I received in August from Steve.
I had almost forget about Steve. I had done well ignoring my memories of the night whne he and I were attacked. I knew he was mush more injured than I was according to some of information I received later. He had been hospitalized for 2 weeks and spent his summer recovering as I did.
"What? Why not?" I replied back to him.
"Can't do it. Can't go back to that homophobic campus," he wrote.
"You got the letter didn't you? How can you turn that down?" I replied, referring to the letter I received midsummer from the university's legal department offering free tuition for my junior and senior years as a "settlement" for their lack of campus security. It was an offer I couldnt resist considering how I had sold my soul just to get the money for my sophmore year tuition. The settlement was a blessing for me and for my parents as well. I agreed to no lawsuit and took the offer.
"Yeah I got the offer. My parents got an attorney. We settled on cash instead. I just cant go back to that fucking place."
"Yeah I understand. I guess it is hard for a guy like you," I wrote.
"It will probably be hard for you too. You better watch your back there."
"I don't have to worry," I wrote, "I'm not gay and won't be jumped like that again. Everyone knew you were gay so those guys just saw you and assumed I was too. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time."
It was several minutes before he replied. "Eric, you are who you are. You just need to figure it out and stop denying it. You were not just hanging out with me and got gay attacked. We were kissing."
I replied, "I used you to get off. Sorry dude. I like pussy."
"Whatever Eric. You fucked me and you loved it" read his reply. It was true. I did fuck him. It was my sickness. And I regretted it. It made me want to puke thinking about it.
"A hole is a hole. Take care of yourself, Steven," I wrote, but not even believing my own words.
"Too bad Eric. We coulda been good together. If you ever finally accept you are gay, call me. I would love to see you again and I'm always willing to be fucked by you."
I deleted his instant message, and blocked any further interaction with him. Steven was a mistake on my past, and that past almost got me killed. Besides I only used him because of Jeff. Fuck Jeff. My roommate. I still can't believe what I did that night. When I sucked his cock in front of our girlfriends. What a fucking idiot I was back then.
But that was all over. I had a new dorm roommate assigned to me. Thad Jefferson. I didn't know much about him except he was a transfer student coming in as junior like myself. I said many prayers hoping he was straight and ugly. Thankfully I knew he was straight since he asked in an email if I was cool with me that his girlfriend would be coming to our room one weekend a month to visit. It felt great knowing he had a girlfriend. I had it pictured in my mind. Me back at college. My straight roommate and I hanging out. Double dating. If I finally get a girlfriend. Obviously I was not going to call Karen when I got back to campus. I could never face her again after that night Jeff fucked her in front of me. And I had sucked his dick in front of her. But who cares, it was time to start over. I had the chance to begin a new life again.
Toward the end of August things seemed perfect for my new life to start. I was packed and ready to return to campus. College tuition was no longer an issue. My health was back to 100%. And my body was in peak shape after many sweaty workouts in the basement weight room. Even Josh and I were being somewhat nice to each other, despite the fact he was rarely home. Jenny seemd to occupy his time, which is what I wanted. It kept the needed distance between us.
I was in my bedroom taking my workout clothes off that hot August day when my phone rang and my house of cards life fell to the ground.
"Hello," I said into my cell.
"Hey Eric. It's Jeff." It was his voice that sent the first shiver down my spine. My ex roommate from college. Jeff. The god I would look at every morning as he woke in the bed across the room, and his sheet would slide down revealing his sculpted muscle body. His thick long cock swung between his thighs as he stood up and stretched in front of me daily. Jeff.
"Hey," was my reply as I coughed and cleared my throat.
"Surprised to hear from me huh?" he laughed out.
"Yeah. Been a long time," I said apprehensively, and wondered why after all these months he would contact me. The last time I had seen him was the night of our big fight when I told him I was changing dorm rooms. I figured he hated me.
"How you feeling?"
"Good. I'm ok," I replied.
"Cool. Heard you had broken ribs. That musta sucked," he said.
"Yeah, but I'm fine now."
"Been able to hit the gym?"
"Yup. Using my weights at home," I said as the memories flash through my mind of our almost daily workouts together. Jeff has pushed me and helped me become more of what I am today. I still think of how he would tell me I could look like him someday. I wanted that. To have a body like his. And I finally almost did.
"Hey I just wanted to let you know, I took your advice and I'm rooming with Leo this year. He's moving down to my room. Stop by sometime once you make it back to campus. No hard feelings ok? Sorry about that fight we had," he said.
"Thanks Jeff. I really wanted to stay friends. I'm sorry about not talking to you first about moving out."
"No worries. You were right. It was a good decision for you to move rooms, considering everything. It makes sense now that I know."
"Know what?" I said, feeling a sense of dread as I stood in the center of my bedroom dropping the shorts and gym shirt in my hand as I listened into my cell.
"Now that I know you are gay. Once I heard about you and Steve getting gay bashed it all made sense. Especially since, well you know. That night with the girls when you did that stuff to me. Guess it was embarassing for you to tell me and well, you know I'm not into that so it would be easier for me to live with another straight dude. So do you know your knew roommate? Is he gay too".
I couldnt believe it. Fury boiled inside of me as sweat droplets appeared on my skin. I was hot from the anger tearing through me. Gay? He fucking called me gay?!!
"Jeff! I'm not fucking gay! I didn't even fucking know that other guy! I walked into the middle of it! I saw some dudes beating up some guy so I tried to stop it. I was trying to save that faggot!" I screamed into my cell, and tried to convince Jeff that I wasn't some gay freak. I know I am not fucking gay and wanted Jeff to realize it!
"Oh. Well that's not what I heard. Steven told people you were boyfriends. I heard you guys were kissing when you were jumped."
"NO! I am not some fucking faggot! How could you fucking think that?!" I yelled, my voice was a bit too high as I screeched to defend myself.
"Dude. Come on. That night. I mean dude, you sucked my cock!" he said, as the image of his cock flashed through my mind. I could almost taste his dick again.. the piss, the sweat, the precum.
"You made me! You fucking shoved me into your girlfriend. You even fucked Karen in front of me! You were putting your cock anywhere and shoved it in my face!" I knew that was a lie, but I had to say something. I had to cover over the truth because the truth was too much for me to handle.
"Come on Eric. Even you don't fucking believe that. We both know happened. You gave me a fucking hickey when you were sucking my neck. You are the one that grabbed my cock. I get it. I got a big one and I saw you looking at it for months. I kinda figured you might be interested. You don't have to hide it from me. I know. I get it. Nothing wrong with being gay. I just dont play that way." he said calmly.
I was speechless. I stood in the middle of my bedroom with only my jock strap on, and looked around me for anything to cover up. To cover the reality he was saying.
"It's cool Eric. No worries. I won't tell anyone, and the girls were too busy playing with their own pussies to even know what you did to me. It is our secret. And hey, even though I don't do the gay thing I have to admit you were good at sucking a dick," he laughed out in a friendly way. I felt the words and they seared like a sick taunt. I realized he thought I was gay and there was nothing I could say or do to change his mind.
"No Jeff. It's not true," I replied and my voice cracked as I felt tears in my eyes and the familiar tingle course through my balls and cock.
"Eric, it's cool. We will still be friends and I will keep working out with you. But maybe we shouldn't use the communal showers together anymore huh?" he laughed. "Anyhow dude just cool it. You can be yourself with me. I go no problem with gay guys. Besides, you know me. I like showing off so you can check me out in the locker room. I just can't hook up with you but you can look at me all you want to bud," he said in a friendly natural voice.
"Jeff you got it all wrong," I said quietly, and looked down at the mesh bulge of my jock strap. My cock was filled with blood! I was hard! What the fuck was happening? How can my cock keep betraying me??
"No I don't Eric. I noticed you looking at me every time. To be honest I get off on it. I just cant play with you. I'm a straight guy that loves to show it off," he laughed.
"Jeff.." I mumbled into my phone as I my hand slid down my abs and over the mesh bulge. I squeezed and closed my eyes and felt the desire for cock fill me. I remembered his cock. He was right. I did stare at him. Everyday. I fucking jacked off daily thinking of sex with him. To taste his body. To have him fuck my mouth.
"But Eric listen. The rumor went around last spring after you guys were attacked. I don't mean to piss you off but. Well, everyone here heard aboout it. So I'm not sure how you want to handle it, but if I was you I would just come out and get it over with."
My hand dropped from my bulge and my eyes flew open. Rage burned through my soul as I realized my new life was not going to be as I had hoped. The campus thinks I am gay? Just like fucking high school? My life was fucking over! Over! I would be the stupid faggot again. I have fought this for so many years and there I was again. Nothing but a cock sucking faggot to everyone else!
My silence caused Jeff to speak again into my ear. "I better go Eric. Don't sweat it dude. I miss you and wanted things to be cool with us. I'm always your friend no matter what and I will keep you safe here. So don't worry about what people say. And hey, I actually know a gay dude in the science area here on campus. He is newly single so if you want I can set you guys up when you get back to campus. Oh hey, there's my buddy Dave. I gotta run. Call me when you get back here." And the line went dead.
I stood there quietly. Frozen in place. The embers of fury burned inside my guts and slowly seemed to flame to life. I felt the tingle of anger seem to start in my toes and hands and crawl up through my limbs until it burned throughout me. My head began to pound and my own voice screamed inside my head. Jeff thought I was a faggot. The campus thinks I am gay. Steven thinks I am gay. Ryan and Todd think I am gay. Even Josh probably thinks I am gay. Everyone thinks I am fucking gay! Everyone except me. Yes I get fucking confused but I know me. I am not that sick thing. Ryan forced me. I was raped. That doesnt fucking make me gay. I am not gay! Am I?
The questions I gave myself made me explode. I threw my cell phone in rage and watched it crash against the bedroom wall. I yelled out a loud scream of agony as I stood in the middle of my confused world. What the fuck am I? I asked myself.
"Eric?" Josh's voice called out to me. He was home. In his room on the other side of the wall. He must have heard my cell hit the wall. Josh.
I turned and looked into the full length mirror on my bedroom wall. There was my body hard with muscle, sweat glistening on my chest, with only my jock strap to cover my nudity. Without hesitation I pulled the strap violently from my hips and down my legs. My hard cock sprung out obscenely toward the image on the mirror. It seemed to mock me. Pointing at my vision with mocking arrogance, It pointed at the gay image in the mirror.
At that moment my bedroom door flew open and Josh flew into my room. My worthless cock pointed at him. Like an offer. He first saw the shattered phone on the floor Then he saw me. And then he stared at my hard cock.
He was shirtless and I realized we were back again. Once more we were put in this situation. I was speechless as I watched his hands undo the button on his jeans. I couldn't move as he unzipped and the jeans fell to the floor and he stepped out of them. He was wearing only black boxer briefs that clung tightly. In that split second I took in the vision of him, the curve of his ass that filled out those briefs, the significant bulge caused by his cock. He was gorgeous. I saw his eyes take in the sight of my cock that pointed at him. In the broad daylight I stood and let my brother look at what he wanted.
In a blur he was next to me, our mouths together in a wild animalistic kiss. Our mouths became one unit of salvia, lips, and tongues passionately kissing and holding each other tight. The urgency over took us as we submitted to our sickness.
I shoved my cock hard against him and pulled my mouth from him. I hated it. I hated that moment. I was looking at the truth. The truth of the gay disease. It was so sick it made my brother do this. I hated it. "Josh stop. Get the fuck away from me!" I said as he bent and pulled his boxer briefs down, and let his hard cock swing out between us. I saw his hand slam into me and felt the pain again in my ribs as I landed back on the bed. I saw him crawl on top of me. I felt his hands begin to molest me.
His mouth lowered to my cock as he pinned my legs down. I tried to slap his head away but he sucked hard, unwilling to stop his crazed desire for my cock. In a swift movement he raised my legs and forced them up so high that the pain in my ribs returned and seared through me. I relented and let his face go between my legs to taste me hole.
"Eric. We should stop." His words were like a knife. I looked at him bent over my crotch with a confused look on his face. I stared into his scared eyes and realized he was fighting back the sickness. He was stronger than me! He had seduced me over and over and yet now he wanted to stop. I was filled with anger and reached down and grabbed his hair and flipped him over to his back. I grasped the back of his neck and forced my cock down his open mouth. I gave him what he wanted and fucked his face. In only gave him relief when he gasped out and said "Eric, no!"
I threw myself on top of him, and shoved my cock against his and rubbed. I violently kissed him and ground into his body, our cocks so hard with desire that I could feel my cum burn inside me. In one swift move I raised myself off him and reach down amd took both his ankles and shoved them up, exposing his hole. Without thought I did what I have down before and pushed my face between his ass cheeks and shoved my tongue deep into my brother's ass. I tasted him and fucked him with my tongue. I held his ankles as I tongued his ass, hearing his moans of desire, saying over and over, "Eric, god Eric,..."
I raised up and looked down at my weapon. My fucking dick was red hot like a steaming iron poker. I spit on it with disgust till my salvia coated it. I looked up into Josh's eyes.
"You think I am a fucking faggot dont you?" I said with venom.
"Noo... no Eric.. No I don't," his voice calm as he stared at my dick.
"You all think I am gay! Fuck you all. You all want me to be a fucking faggot. Ok, I will be a faggot!" I screamed as I pushed the head of my swelled dick onto Josh's hole.
"Eric! Stop! It's wrong! Eric I got a girlfriend.! I am not gay!" His words didn't match his actions as he spread his legs further apart.
I slammed my hips forward watching his face as I penetrated my brother's ass. The salvia worked and my thick cock slid violently into his tight hole. His face twisted into a mask of pain and his screamed seemed to echo throughtout the house and the across the lawn, over the fields. I pulled back withdrawing my cock to the tip and then shoved it back into him as hard as before. His eyes squeezed shut in pain as I ripped further into his ass. I withdrew again and slammed forward and screamed out, "You did this, you wanted this. You wanted me to be a faggot!"
"No no no" he hollered back at me twisiting in pain as I held his legs in place and thrust back and forth fucking my brother's ass. Over and over I slammed forward refusing to stop. I was becoming what they all wanted me to be. "You fucking sick faggot" I called him as I thrust in and out of his ass, using the pleasure of the friction of my stiff dick.
Then I felt him relent. He gave up resistance and I released his legs as I pistoned in and out of his ass. His legs remained in the air and I braced myself up over him, my thick biceps holding my up as my hips slammed back and forth. It was at that moment I felt his legs lower, one on each side of my waist and tighten. They crossed behind me and seemed to capture me, and pressed into the small of my back. Instead of resistance he used his legs to push me foward. I entered deeper into him than ever before, and felt my entire shaft deep plunge further, and my balls slam against his ass. His hands grasped at my pecs and squeezed and I looked down to see his cock was ridged and red.
My eyes slowly opened and I looked into his eyes. The pain was gone from his face and in place of it was a smile across his mouth. It looked almost evil. He was no longer innocent Josh but instead I was the victim. His moist lips open and his voice was clear and strong. "Fuck yes! Fuck me hard, faggot!"
It was no longer 2 guys out of control. It was sex. I was having sex with my brother. Our lips met and we kissed like dogs in heat and I slammed harder into him. I fucked him there in my bed and grasped his dick. I jerked him till I felt his hot cum splatter across my chest and abs, and run over my hand that held his pulsating cock. "Fuck me Eric, Fuck me!!" he screamed. His words pushed me over the edge and I felt my cum burst from the head of my cock.
"JOSH!! FUCK! Josh!!!!"
My seed filled him, and I could feel the thick cum coat the walls of his ass as I shot over and over. Eight times I pulsed into my brother's willing hole. As I fucked him I felt the cum ooze from his hole and onto my balls. It seemed to be several minutes before my orgasm subsided and my thrusting stopped. In exhaustion I collapsed onto of him, our sweat and cum smearing our chests together. My lips were by his ear and I could heard him breathing, while his hands clung to my muscled back.
My tears came first. And then the guilt washed over me. I began to sob. We cried together, as we lay there as one. I was sicked by what had happened, but I didn't want to leave him. I wanted to beg for forgiveness and keep us close, but yet that closeness I felt was caused by the sickness. The pleasure we felt physically as one at that moment was exactly the worst possible thing that existed. It was like a drug, so wrong but physically such pleasure. I moved my hips and realized even with the guilt of it I was still hard and still enjoyed being inside Josh. I thrust into him once more loving the feeling of us as one.
And then I pulled my cock out of my brother's ass.
No words were said as we both wiped our tear stained faces on the sheets. "I'm sorry," I said, unable to leave him and unable to look at him.
"What do we do now?" he whispered.
"I'll leave. I have to move to campus this weekend anyhow. I'll leave today," I said.
"It was wrong, wasn't it?" he replied. I could tell from his voice he was desperate for an answer to what just happened.
"Yeah it was wrong Josh. I don't know why I did it. I don't know why things like this happen. But I told you it was sick. I am trying to get better. I lost control."
"But Eric..." his voice was a whisper in my ear and I felt his arms wrap around my bare chest. His lips kissed my muscled bicep. "But Eric... I liked it."
I opened my eyes and looked at him. There we were. Two men, naked in a bed together covered in cum. How can I be straight when all I wanted to do is have sex with him again.
I pulled me forward until our chests met and kissed me lightly on the lips. I felt my body move on its own as I crawled up and sat on my knees. He did the same, our legs intersected so that our hard cocks touched. Our hands felt each other and we were no longer brothers but two men enjoying this moment of sex. We slipped into each other's arms and kissed, moaning and whispering, "Fuck Josh I want you." "God Eric, please fuck me again."
If I was gay.. if I was a true faggot I would probably have loved those words. But they were like hot coals shoved up my ass. It burned. At that moment it was over. I stepped off the bed and didn't look back. An hour later my car was packed. I left a note on the frig for Mom and Dad, explaining I needed to go back early to prep my room. As I stopped to get into the car I looked up at his window. He stood there in his window. He was stlll naked. Even his chet still shined with the wetness of cum. I could no longer help him. I dont know what he is. But I needed to save myself now. I had to get away from him. It finally happened. I had fucked my brother. But I had to leave all that behind. Once and for all. I never looked back as I drove down the lane onto the highway, toward college.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Hope you enjoyed the latest chapter. For those who are upset by this incident I hope you are able to still enjoy the chapters ahead. This is a story of discovery. Of avoiding truths and submitting to desires. I hope you will stick with Eric and see how his life moves forward. Each of his experiences is helping him learn more about himself. You can email with your comments, questions, or whatever. Send them to mheast111@hotmail.com.