If You Were to Hold Me

Welcome back to another edition of my story. I hope you guys will enjoy it. It's a little different from my last couple, but I am really happy with the final product! 2 more chapters after this guys! Stick with me, and see how it all ends. Email me at leo1980@gay.com

IF YOU WERE TO HOLD ME Chapter 10 THE CONCERT

Part I: Shades of the Past

Hey everyone, I'm so glad you came back to hear more of my story...Brian picked up the slack for me last time. But now I'm back! So anyway, as you know I was totally screwed...till Brian came and saved me. Sure he had a little help...but I know if it wasn't for him...well, I'd rather not think about it.

The events of my life have been so exciting since I met Blake, so I can't hate him...even though he betrayed me, and broke my heart. I guess if it weren't for him, I'd have never met Brian...or become a pop star. OK, so I'm not exactly a pop star, but at least I'm more well known! And I get to put my music out in front of the whole world! That's exciting. Now I have a big show to get ready for...oh, and recover from my weekend. Well, it's been 2 days since I was brought to this hospital. Despite threats from management and his fellow bandmates...Brian hasn't left my side. I even started asking him to go after the first day. I felt guilty, cause I didn't want to get him in trouble. I know it was going really fast...but how could I not fall in love with him? He's like my hero. And he's been my friend for a while now...so we already know each other! Maybe it's all to perfect, and I'm putting my heart out again too soon...but that's what love and life is about. Chances!

Changes were happening so rapidly lately...I was living in a dream world...sometimes with bright pink fluffy clouds that would support me...and ease away any pain this life may have dealt me. And sometimes there are storms of lightning...and tornadoes that roar and tempt me to my very death. That as well is part of life. I have learned to deal with it. And soon you'll see what I mean by pain: 1987:

"Come on Tony, It'll be fun...it's a game! You'll like it." He said to me.

"Okay, lets go!" I was so excited. He was never was nice to me.

"Um...why are we going in the bathroom?" I asked.

"Cause it's more fun in here." He stated.

"Okay...Now what?" I asked, more curious now.

"Let's pee..." He said.

That was always fun, cause then I got to see...you know! Even at this age...I was a little pervert.

"Now taste it..." He said pointing at his penis.

"Okay..." I said a little scared. I didn't know why, but it felt wrong or naughty.

It tasted odd...kind of bitter. I didn't like it.

"I don't like it. Let's do something else." I suggested.

"Okay..." Then he sucked me into his mouth. Wow! That did feel good.

"That feels good." I told him.

"You do it me now, and I'll do it to you even longer." He promised.

I slowly took his penis into my mouth...I didn't like that very much. But I did enjoy playing with his hair. I wished I had hair by my penis too! It looked so cool.

After a while of taking turns...he got me to lie on the washing machine. I didn't know why...I wasn't wearing my pants. I didn't know then...but he was trying to fuck me. I'm glad it didn't work. Probably would have hurt like hell!

He also taught me out to masturbate...or in those days-`play with my petty'. I taught the fun games to my younger cousin. His penis didn't taste any better, but at least it was fun to get mine sucked in return. We masturbated together a lot too. We used to do it in our bed, but my Grandpa caught us one day. So after that we found other places to play. We actually found this cool place out in the woods. There were a few rubber tires...that we could use to sit on. It was cool; we could do other things too. We could use those words that would get us spanked, or switched more often. We made up stupid little songs...that had curse words in them. But mostly we used it for sexual exploits. Of course my cousin had a tendency to receive much more than he gave. Which led me to treat him poorly a few times. But it wasn't fair. And at 7...if something wasn't fair, hang it up! It's ground for murder. LOL!

Eventually the close calls were getting really bad. And at some point, we got caught looking at dirty magazines...that `he' showed me. To say the least, we put our games in a box of sorts...and locked them away...to never come out again. Or so we thought. 1994

The woods of my boyhood had all but disappeared. Actually it was cut down to make room for Chickens...and that sucked! I used to like playing in the woods...and playing in the woods. But this year we were to find an even better place in another part of the woods. It was the most amazing place. The vines and small trees grew in to a perfect formation to form an organic cave of sorts...and best of all; it was totally hidden from the world. We were once again free to explore our wilder sides. It was the place for a many game of truth or Dare. And many just get naked things. There were around 4 of us usually. Just being kids...playing games, and exploring our sexuality. This of course brought my little cousin and I back into our old ways. And when alone, we did the things we used to do, but it was more fun...since I had hit puberty!

But the year wasn't all about sexual exploration in fun...it was when it started...the pain. The depression...It was more than that. It was this huge cloud of misery that came over our family, and refused to go away. It all started when Grandpa got sick. When I say sick that's an understatement. He had prostate cancer and a tumor on his brain. He went through surgery to remove the tumor on his prostate, but after that...they found the brain tumor. There was no way to save him...according to doctors. He should have been dead years ago. Which some say that's why he was like he was.

Let me take time to go back a little...you see all my life as far back as I can remember. My grandfather had been a real bastard. He would curse, and hit me. And occasionally for no real reason switch my legs till they would bleed. He was awful. He wasn't a pleasant person by any means. He would throw me out of the house sometimes, for no reason. I guess I just wasn't the grandson he wanted. Or maybe he didn't want one at all. I think it was really to with my mom more. He didn't like her either. He treated my sister and mother like shit too. He was so quick to blow up...we were all scared of him. Though I doubt many of us would admit it now.

But all this out of the way, it was still hard on most of the family. Even my brother apparently. William was always a drinker and pot smoker...or at least for a very long time. But when Grandpa got sick, he started doing it more often. And I've even heard rumors that he got into the heavy stuff...like crack. But I don't have any proof for that. Hell I don't even know why...why he did what he did. He must have been in pain...but how could he be in as much pain as what he caused us all? How could he hurt mom like that? She did everything for him...even it meant I had to do without...I wore broke glasses with the wrong prescription for nearly a year, just so she could visit Will at the halfway house, and bring him a cartoon of cigarettes once a week.

I guess I hated him...why wouldn't I? What did he ever do to show any love for me? Hell he told me himself. "I hate you." He stated. The most he usually said to me was...Shut up Tony! I mean sure, we got along some...but those were rare occasions. Lord knows he wasn't very considerate...I couldn't count the times I came home, and I'd have to wait for him to get dressed...cause all he did was lay around the house and fuck his girl friend all day. He didn't have a job, and he quit school...yet he still had all he wanted. So surely he could be decent when I came home...but no the routine was I had to bang on the door till they got dressed...it was very annoying. You see his room at the time was a bed in the living room...so it wasn't very good for them or me. And the wonderful day that they stayed locked in the bathroom together...I thought I was going to shit myself. Eventually I crossed my fingers, and ran to my Grandmothers house. Sex crazed teenagers do not make for good roommates!

Well, I do get distracted...now back to what actually happened. Will got worse and worse, and eventually his depression must have got the best of him. Cause one night he didn't come home. Not that big of a surprise he stayed gone a lot. But he didn't come back that morning either. Mom and her boyfriend went looking for him...but they couldn't find him anywhere. Eventually they found Will's dog, and he led them to him...he was gone. He had shot himself with my Grandfather's rifle. After that I cringed every time I heard a gun shot. I was so afraid someone else would die. To put it short, it was the last nail in my Grandfather's coffin. He was doing better actually for a while...but with Will gone. He gave up. They both died within 3 months of each other. The loss was just too much on our family. My sister became bitter, and for some reason we became distant. She would pick fights with me...and always say I wasn't tough enough. I wasn't man enough...I was just a big baby. She was hateful really. Mom, well...she went crazy. She wouldn't let me out of her sight for the longest. If was to get separated at the mall or something. I would find her somewhere squalling...convinced that was never coming back to her. She was changed too...we all were.

Myself...I was depressed...in all ways you can define the word. I was never suicidal by any means...but I didn't want to live. I just wanted it all to go away...and so I fed the pain with food...with material possessions...I gained up to 330 pounds. There was a lot of me to go around.

Eventually we all started to heal...never as strong as before, but healing all the same. I think at one time we all thought that life would be good as long as we had each other. But all of our family traditions or love...didn't save Will, or my Grandfather. And that's why the family died. Never again since Grandfathers death would our whole family...the aunts, the uncles, and cousins be together again. Our family died with them. Sure the one's that were closest stuck together...but it wasn't the same.

1998

I know I'm skipping ahead a lot, and I've probably missed so much...but at least you are getting a peep at what keeps me up at nights...

Actually this part started before 98, but that's where it all ended...School wasn't fun for me. I know it wasn't supposed to be, but it was supposed to be at the very least tolerable. But my school days weren't. At 12 I became an object of ridicule, a person to made fun of, and abused...even my teacher took shots at me. I was fat, lazy...and I missed too much school she would say. Yeah I did miss to much school...who would want to go to school when kids would give you wedgies, and shoot spit balls on you...and call you queer...and fat ass...and hit you. Yeah, they all liked to hit me. I was a wuss they would say. I didn't fight back...I was an easy target. I was afraid to fight back...fighting was wrong...that's all I knew...so I wouldn't do it. I wanted my mom to be proud of me...I hardly ever saw her anyway...she was always working...so the least I could do was be good at school and make her proud right? How was I to know that sometimes being good isn't the answer? After 2, nearly 3 years of being good...and taking all sorts of mental, and physical abuse...I decided to be bad. I started spewing out those words of fury and rage like the rest. My dirty language shocked some people...enough to they would leave me alone...hell some even started being nice to me. Weird I know...but isn't high school? I started talking in class...It was also wrong, but I had to break the rules...I had to learn to be a kid. And though I wasn't exactly popular, at least I could walk down the hall now. After the years of torture...well, in my senior year I faced a new challenge that might have been just as hard on me.

I fell in love...it would have been easy if it was with a girl. But it was with a guy. I fell head over hills for the guy. He never knew it, and never will. I had to finally face my sexuality that in the past I had always just locked away, or just treated as a big game...yes that what it had been. But now it was real...and really scary! I was convinced that everyone would hate me...and that I was obviously going straight to hell. I mean I was gay...that was a sin...and as I had been told by people in church and other places...that earned you instant hell time. Can you imagine how hard that was on me? Well, since you are reading this story, you probably do know. Cause your probably like me...you were probably scared too...the first time you dealt with being gay...if your straight then...you might still understand. But not really...you have to experience the fear, and the self-hate...to really know what I'm talking about. You have to get up every morning at 5...cause your too guilty to sleep past sunrise. You have to pray every night that God will make you straight...only to wake up that next morning thinking about some guy...and wishing he would look your way. It was very confusing, and sometimes when I look back...I still get confused about it all. And sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had told everyone then...would they have freaked out...probably. Would they have put me back into the closet even with myself? Possibly, cause at the time I wasn't sure myself. So I'm glad that I didn't tell them yet. I wasn't ready, and neither were they. They never would be ready for it.

Of course the people that I had fooled around with, as a kid weren't that surprised...so they were easy practice targets. Eventually I tackled harder and harder coming out's. Till I worked my way up to my Mom. It was the zenith of my coming out in my mind. She was the one that meant the most to me in the whole world. If she rejected me...I knew it would just be the end of my life then.

Well, it wasn't...she was okay for the first day or so...but eventually she flipped out. She almost threw me out of the house, but instead she did something else. She left me...she moved out. I was left to take care of myself. I was in college at this point. It was really scary. I was very dependent on my mother. She did everything...I had to learn to cook my own meal...do laundry...clean...wake myself up! It wasn't that hard, cause I knew how to do most of it...but knowing how, and having to do it are 2 different things. I didn't realize how lucky I was till I lost mom. But eventually I got the hang of it and actually enjoyed living by myself. But it didn't last, my aunt moved in with me...and she about drove me crazy! After a few months of that...I finally convinced my mom to move back in...we were finally getting to be closer again...but we would never be best friends again...like we were. Never would I feel safe to share all my secrets with. After all she told my secret to the one person I never wanted to know...my sister. You heard how she was to me before...well when she found out I was gay. She cut me out of her life. I couldn't see my nephew any more...that was it. I lost even more of my family. Even today I only see my nephew on holidays...it's sad. But I dealt with it...just like I had to deal with so much in my life.

I could tell more and more horror stories...but I think you get the point now...needless to say my life wasn't a storybook. So now you know why I wanted to get away from my home...why I was so willing to love Blake. Cause I needed and wanted love so badly! But now I finally found it...or actually I found it! Brian...I hope you never leave me.

I think the reason I told you all of this is to let you know...just how amazing my story really is...not because a became a pop singer...not because I got to meet the Backstreet Boys...and not even because I'm dating Brian...but because I survived. Because despite all the trails, and pain...I rose above it. I didn't let it kill me. It probably made me stronger. Or at the very least it taught me the importance of compassion...forgiveness...and love! The real accomplishment of my life is just that...I live. And now I'm even finding true happiness. And as much as Brian has helped with that...at the same time it had nothing to do with him. I was all inside me. I had to stop the one thing standing in the way of my happiness...me.

Part II: Preparing for the show

As I was saying, I had been resting up for last couple of days, but I was getting out now. Brian was leaving me for the first time...to get the car. I know he's just trying to help, but what happens when he actually does have to go? Well, I guess for now it's best not to think of it. I have to get to practice tomorrow. I have that show coming up, whether I'm ready or not!

Brian and I spent most of the morning getting me settled in at home. Yes, I mean home in Alabama. Mom was there too. She was pretty worried about me. She had been there just about as much as Brian. Between the two of them I was ready to scream...but I wouldn't have it any other way. Also I think I was going crazy cause I wanted to get back to work. I was nervous about the show. And I've had very little time to get ready for it...and I'm doing like nearly my whole album at the show. It's my real chance to perform. I just hope I'm a hit, not a flop. It's even worse since it's in my home state! Oh wow! What if there are lots of people there I know?

Ruby and Emerald have called me a lot the last few days too. They keep telling me to stop worrying that I'll nail it. I'm glad they are on my side. I'll be so glad to see them again! But they are in Florida with their mom. They aren't worried about the show at all! They know their part. Of course they do need to practice the song we are doing together. Brian had to do a concert tonight, and he had to go do a sound check at 3. So at 3 my man is gone till tomorrow...LOL. Wow! I'm dating Brian. That's really great. And it's not because he's a Backstreet Boy either; it's because he's such a great guy. I knew that no matter what happened with our relationship, that we would be friends forever. And that's what makes him special.

"What are you thinking about now?" Brian asked looking into my eyes.

"You know...everything, mostly you." I blushed.

"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean." Then he kissed me softly on the lips.

Once more, he took me in his arms. I laid my head down on his chest. How could anyone not be happy in these arms? I also noticed a rather large swelling in both of our pants. I'd be glad when I had the energy to do something about those. Hmm...I wonder if Brian is versatile too? I guess I'd find out soon.

"Now what are you thinking about?" Brian asked with a big grin on his face.

"Do you really have to ask...looks like your thinking about the same things." I said and slightly squeezed his crotch.

"That's nice...I was just thinking how nice it'll be when we have time away from the music...the tours...and schedules so we could really enjoy ourselves." He told me.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I think we should take some time off after this tour ends. At least for the holidays." I suggested.

"Of course, there's no way we are going to be off touring during Christmas. After that...We have the tour for Black and Blue. Do you want to be our main opening act next time?" He asked me.

"That'd be nice, but don't you think we have to go through the guys and management first?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I know. I just wanted to make sure you weren't trying to escape yet." Brian rubbed my back.

"Of course not. But you do know that someday our music careers are going to take us in two different directions? What then?" I asked the question that had been at the back of my mind.

"I think we both know what will happen then. One of us will make a sacrifice. Cause you know as well as I do...together we live...apart we just exist. Don't think about that right now. I know it can work out. After all what are the chances that we will last forever. I mean we have been in the business 8 years now. That's longer than most people last." Brian told me.

"That's true. And besides I've just got my foot in the door. There's still the very real chance that I'll just hit rock bottom...and never be heard from again." I told him my real worry about my future in music.

"That's possible, but I seriously doubt it Tony. You have all the potential in the world. I don't know if your life as a solo artist will be your real break though. I think your music could use another voice. Like mine." Brian told me.

"What are you suggesting?" I asked him.

"You'll see soon enough babe. I have it all worked out. Just trust me when I say, I love you. And we'll be together forever." That was the strongest pledge of love I had ever heard. It was enough to whip away my fears.

I must have fell asleep; cause next thing I knew Brian was gone. I'm so glad he went to the show tonight, I was so worried that he was getting in trouble. I also wondered who was opening up for the guys now? Then it hit me...I bet Nick had some pull with a certain pop singer.

At the Concert:

Now opening for the Backstreet Boys: Aaron Carter.

"Hey everyone! I know you guys are here to see my brother, and friends. But how about we get the party started a little early?" He asked as the audience went wild.

Aaron performed to his song "Come get it" and did a couple other songs as well...closing with his new cover of "I want Candy".

As Aaron walked backstage: "Great show buddy!" Nick said giving his brother a hug.

"Thanks Nick. I'm just glad I could help you guys out. When will Tony and the Girls be back?" He asked.

"I think the girls will be back tomorrow night. But Tony has to get ready for the show...so I guess you can stick around can't you?" Nick asked.

"I think I can." He said giving his brother another hug.

The next day was really good. It felt great to be singing again. I still knew all the words to my songs...Bonus! Of course it helped that Brian was singing some of his favorites to me while I was in the hospital. The guys in the band were great though! The music at the show was going to be awesome. I was really getting excited again. Worries were out the door!

I talked to Nick this morning, and he told me about Aaron opening for them...and that he'd stick around till after the show. Of course we only had like 3 shows after mine...but anyway. I was glad for the extra time to practice. We had about a week to get ready! Brian, Linda, and I went to lunch between practice sets. I would have invited the other guys, but they said they had plans. I don't know why, but I think those two are a couple. They just seem to look out for each other.

"So what's it like touring with him and the other Backstreet Boys?" Linda asked me.

"It's a lot of fun, and a lot of work too." I admitted.

"So when are you going to get your own tour?" Linda asked.

"Probably not for a while. I've just started after all. Probably after the Black and Blue tour...I hope." I told her.

"Right, that'll be awesome...by then we might be opening up for him." Brian teased me.

"You're so crazy." I said running my hand through his hair.

"Ah, that's the connection with Brian! I knew he was spending a lot of time with you." Linda said with a big smile on her face. "Shh...it's a secret for now." I told her.

"Well, I wasn't going to go tell the local newspapers!" She said laughing at me.

"I know, but reporters tend to hang around when it comes to the boys." I told her.

"Well it's a wonder the whole world doesn't know then...after all Brian has put his concerts off, and everything for you." Linda stated.

"I know...Oh Brian I don't want you to loose anything because of me." I told him.

"I won't! You're the only part of my life that I can't live without Anthony. You know that. And my music, I'll always have...whether I'm singing for the world...or just for you!" He reassured me. He always knew what to say.

"That's great guys...and even if they don't find out. Will you guys ever go public with your relationship?" Linda asked.

"I don't know...we haven't discussed it yet, maybe someday." Brian answered for us.

"But now we need to focus on the concert." I reminded her.

"Don't remind me...every time I think of it I get butterflies. I hope I don't mess up." She stated.

"Don't worry, you'll do fine, and so will you Tony...I could tell you were worried too." Brian reassured us.

The next day after practice I rode with Brian to sound check. I wanted to meet Aaron and check to see everyone. Aaron seemed like a great kid. He had a nice sense of humor, and was very down to earth.

"So what do you like most about singing?" I asked Aaron.

"Well, I guess it's just fun...and it seems to impress the ladies." Aaron stated.

Typical teenager answer...but I asked. After talk to him a few minutes, I went to hang out with the girls. They had just finished sound check so they were free for a while.

We went out to lunch. Were we could talk and catch up.

"So tell us the truth Tony...how big is Brian?" Emerald asked me.

"What makes you so sure I've seen it yet?" I asked laughing at her boldness.

"Well, you guys have been sharing a bed a lot lately. One, can assume..." She lead on. "Well, I won't tell you anything...because you're just too... too...

"Nosy!" Ruby suggested.

"Yeah, pretty much." I told her laughing.

"It's just I had heard so many rumors that it was...you know...BIG." Emerald stated.

"Hmm...well, you know they say where there's smoke there's fire." I teased her

"I knew it! He's probably got 11 inches. He'll probably bust you wide open Tony!" Emerald blurted.

I turned bright red, and just died laughing...thank god she didn't have the size right...that would be damn scary! At least in my book. After a while, I decided it was time to leave. Emerald...do leave home without her!

After lunch, Ruby and I set and talked a bit longer without the 2-year-old. Don't get me wrong I love Emerald to death, but her over stocked energy can be too much sometimes.

"So what are you and Howie planning to do when the tour is over?" I asked her.

"Well, we are going to his house to see if we can function together for an extended lot of time...without killing each other. And from there...who knows." She told me.

"How are you guys going to see each other when he goes back on tour?" I asked him.

"To be honest...I don't know. I'm afraid that it's quite possible that we will just drift apart. I hope not, but there's a big chance that it will." Ruby told me.

"Brian seems to be pretty sure that we'll work it out anyway...so maybe you guys will too. If you really love each other." I told her.

"I don't know Tony...how can I be sure that I'm in love with him?" She asked me.

"Do you think of him night and day?" I asked her.

"Pretty much..." She admitted.

"Does the thought of being without him make you cry?" I asked her.

"Yes...that's exactly right." She started to smile slightly.

"Then you're in love. I'm sure of it." I gave her a hug.

"Thanks Tony. You're right. I know that we will be able to work it out. It might be hard, but we can do it." Ruby was smiling this time. I was too. I knew we'd both be able to make it. If our guys love us half as much...then we got it maid! The night before the concert:

"Well this is it guys...all our work has really paid off. You guys sound great. Maybe even better than the music on the album." I praised my band.

"Well, I think it's better!" Brian threw in.

I had to smile at him; he was really excited about the show. That night neither of us could sleep. I kept singing my songs in my head...and sometimes out loud. Brian eventually got me to go to sleep...using some crafty methods...that I won't disclose.

Part III: The Day of the Concert

I woke up with Brian holding me, and more than a little bit of excitement. I was still nervous, but not as bad. It was going to be fun from this point on. We had done the time, worked our asses off, and now we got to enjoy it all. We all met for breakfast...all being Brian, Ruby, Emerald, AJ, Howie, Nick, Linda, James, and D. We were all in good spirits! Emerald told me how she was looking forward to doing a different line up at the show. She really liked the song that we did together. I was looking forward to performing with them again as well. Everyone was going to be at the show. Except for Kevin...who has still been a little distant from me. I hope we can both get past the whole Blake situation.

Blake had been as good as gold the past week. He was once again doing his job as my manager. He helped out at the practices offering some good advice, and general encouragement. I think that I am learning to forgive him...and it's healthy. I think that we'll be friends again someday, but only friends.

After Breakfast we met up with my mom, Blake, and a few of my other family members. They all wanted to go see the show. So I agreed to get passes for as many of them as possible. Including: Linda's mom Sara, my cousins' Justin, Brad, and Shane-Linda's brother. We all just hung out, and let the family get a chance to hang out with the boys, and meet Emerald and Ruby. I think Justin was attracted to both of the girls...but he just couldn't compete with their boyfriends.

At lunch, the pop stars, Blake, and I went to eat in Birmingham. We had to do all the sound checks and such before the show. I was so excited...strangely enough this all was very familiar to me! The stage was set up just like I had seen it so long ago. I guess dreams really do come true!

After we had done the sound checks and took a break...I set down on the edge of the stage staring out at what would be the crowd. I was lost in my thoughts...

"It's just like your dream isn't it?" Brian asked me.

"How'd you know about my dream?" I asked him confused.

"It's the same dream I had...this stage, this place...you and the guys that I never met! It's just all so perfect!" He told me.

"Wow, that's really strange...and just think we just happened to meet as well." I stated.

"Well, maybe it's not that simple. After that dream, I went looking for you...of course I didn't find you, but when the Diamond Dolls came on to the scene...I just got one of those twinges that said they would lead me to you. And they did!" Brian told me.

"You went looking for me...that's interesting. So that's why you took an instant liking to me. Cause you wanted to meet me..." I put some of the pieces together.

"Right, and since I met you I've been getting different visions and little peeks into the future. I think you have affected me in some strange way." Brian stated

"Since I've met you my life has turned quite upside down...so I guess I can relate!" I hugged him tightly to me. Together we made a whole...something I had never experienced with anyone else.

Now was the time to get nervous...only hours away from the show! I pretty much stayed attached to Brian or Ruby the whole afternoon. I was ready to jump out of my skin. I knew I couldn't hang onto Brian in Public, so if we went out for something I just clung to Ruby. I don't know why I was going through such stage fright all the sudden. But luckily it didn't last. I was over it by an hour before the show. And when the girl's went on to open...all my fears just slipped away! They were awesome! They always were, but tonight they just sounded so wonderful...as if they were angels. After they sang the two songs they usually did, AJ went out and sang a song with them. The audience really seemed to love it! After that the Girls sang the song they were thinking of releasing as there third single. It was called "Love maker". It was a very naughty song! I liked it!

Sometimes I like to have some fun...I know I'm not the only one. When I see a guy so fly...I know I want make him mine. But I know it won't be long...till his game will show...then it's time to throw him out the door!

Chorus: He was a love maker...that's all he was. He liked to take me in middle of the night! He was a love maker...he knew just what to do. When all the loving was done...we were through!

When I met you, you were so fine...I knew I had to make you mine!

But now you're running around telling all your friends! That I was simple and that I was in love...that you had me in the palm of your hand...well to your surprise I had other plans!

Chorus repeats

I like the feeling when you touch me...I like the taste of your kiss. I enjoy the touch of your skin...but that doesn't mean that isn't still the end!

What I got to say you ain't hearing...when I met you we were chillin', now I want you to know that you need to go! I have no more use for you...now go away! Chorus repeats: He was a love Maker...that's all I needed! Sometimes I like to get it in the middle of the night! He was a love maker...he knew how to do me right! After all the fun is gone...I had to leave him all alone!

After that song, it was our turn to play. We opened up with Try Try Try again, my new single. That I was shooting a video for next week! We did a few more songs, and then the girls came out to do our song.

"This is a song the 3 of us worked on. It's called pretend. It's a song about depression, and how we hide our pain...I hope you enjoy it.

(Me)While I was walking along a beautiful river...I saw myself trying to swim. I knew if I just moved my arms...I wouldn't drown in all this pain. (Ruby) I was strolling along in the park I knew that I was all alone...but I wasn't afraid. I don't really mind all those monsters lurking in the dark! Chorus (all)

I know that everything is fine! I'll just close my eyes...nothing's wrong look at the shinning sun!

I know that things are great! I'll just pretend that I'm in love...I'll just pretend that I'm in the heavens above! Oh I'll just pretend...Yes I'll pretend.

(Emerald) It's not like I'm gonna die...it's not the end of the world! Sure I have nothing to show, for this gigantic hole you left in my soul! (Me) It's okay, I'll be fine...after all I've got nothing but time! Look at my life I've just begun...now it's my time to feel the sun... Chorus again (Ruby) I can't believe all the pain is gone...after all the rain is gone...I know that I will smile again. This time I know it's real...it's got to be real! (Me) After it's all said and done...I'm not gonna be the lonely one. I know your hurting and feeling blue! After all there can't be that big a difference between me and you? Right? Chorus till end. After that the girls took there final bow, and we did two more songs. And took our bows as well...With a roar of the crowd, we all quickly returned and did an encore. We ended the show with my favorite, and first single:

Been loving you (If you were to hold me) I was so glad it had went so well! I was entirely thrilled! Everything went just like the dream that I can remember...even the cheesy hug with Blake! LOL! After the concert we went out to have some more fun. We went to a club near by. Some of us weren't old enough to drink, but we all got in at least! Mom actually did come, but she didn't stay long. "You were great to night Anthony, I'm really proud of you!" She stated, and gave me a hug. "Thanks, I'm so glad you could be here to see me. You're my number one fan you know!" I told her.

That's sweet dear, but we both know you are wrong...your number one fan is out there dancing." She said pointing at Brian. I wanted to be dancing in his arms so bad...but I knew I couldn't...at least not yet. Someday! I hoped!

After mom left all of us got in one wad and danced together, so I at least got to dance beside Brian, and occasionally he would squeeze my hand! So what else more could I ask for? During the slow dance Blake danced with me, since he had no fear of being caught. It was fun, but as you might have guessed Ruby cut in half way through the song...LOL!

"Don't you have a man already?" Blake joked.

"Yes, but everyone knows that Tony is the man of the eve!" Ruby stated and started to dance with me.

"Thanks for doing this show tonight Ruby! I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. You're my best friend...and if I was straight I swear I'd have to fight Howie for you." I joked with her.

"Honey if you were straight, there wouldn't be a Howie." She flirted back.

"Oh like I'm supposed to be able to compete with a Backstreet Boy!" I laughed at her.

"Fame isn't everything Tony...don't forget that." She said, and as the song ended she kissed me softly on the cheek.

After that it was back to fast songs, and group dancing. We had a ball! We all got recognized at one point or another that night...but we still had a great time all the same. It was one of those nights that none of us would soon forget. And in my mind it was the peak of my career...maybe not as far as sales go...or maybe not even as far as the quality of my performance...but just because everything was perfect...because my family was there...my friends were there...and mostly Brian was there.

As Brian and I removed our clothing, I noticed that we were both doing more watching than removing...it was funny. I just couldn't help notice how wonderful his body looked. When we were finally down to our boxers, we got into bed. He wrapped his warm arms around me, and kissed me deeply.

It wasn't just any kiss...it was one of those soul searching kisses. One that was determined to find out every secret, every sweet spot my mouth might have to hide. It was amazing...and as silly as it might sound. I think I really did see stars that night. It was time...after all the waiting and wondering how it might be...I was ready to love Brian the way I've wanted to for so long!

I started nibbling on his neck...licking and sucking a trail down to the top of his boxers. I knew I had to see his cock soon...but I wanted to tease him a bit first. I started rubbing the bulge with my nose, and my lips...slightly taking the cloth covered erection in my mouth. Before too long his head slipped through the hole in his shorts...it was too big to stay confined. He was a good 9 inches! I had never seen one so big...in person. I was more than a little excited, and a bit nervous. How was I going to get all that in my mouth? Simple answer...I couldn't, but it was lots of fun trying! He seemed to be enjoying the ride as well. He was moaning softly and saying my name softly...occasionally he would run his hands through my hair. I loved it! After a few more minutes of that...we switched places and he started the same routine.

By the time he made it to my boxers, I managed to go ahead and pull them off. I was ready for him...to the point I thought I'd explode before he touched me. He took my waiting cock into his mouth, and took it to my pubes...he was amazingly good...considering he hadn't had that much experience before hand. I was soon shooting a huge load into his mouth. Then I was still hungry I wanted to taste his cum as well.

"That was so good baby...I love you." I told him, and then rolled him onto his back. I started to suck on his cock with more excitement. I wanted to taste his sweet cum...he had a lot of precum, and it was the sweetest thing I had ever tasted! I was enjoying this more than being sucked! As I bobbed my head up and down...I could tell he was getting close...he started to clinch the sheets with his hands, and after another couple of minutes, he was shooting his sweet juices into my mouth! It was wonderful...I couldn't get enough...I just kept sucking and milking his cock till he eventually pulled me up and started kissing me deeply.

"I love you so much Anthony! I will love you forever!" Brian promised and kissed me once more. After that, words weren't needed...we just clung to each other...in love forever...What could possibly come between us? That night was the best night of my life yet...and by the looks of it, I had many more to come.

To be Continued.

Stay tuned Coming soon is the Two part conclusion to our story! Hope you guys enjoyed it, I know the first part had little to do with my story, but it did have a lot to do with the character...Take it as you will, but life isn't always happy...And we must count our blessings. Leo1980@gay.com