If You Let Me
Chapter Two: Close To You
So it turns out Bahri was a great conversationalist. He was charming, and intelligent, and a great sense of humor. He works for a big innovative tech company that had grown substantially over the past 3 years. He comes from a great family, who are surprisingly accepting of his sexuality, and he flies home to Canada to see them every two months like clockwork. He has nieces and nephews, of which he showed me funny pictures of them dressed as princess, pirates, and witches.
He was perfect.
Even now as he was talking about some new tech design, he was animated. Like a kid on Christmas Day opening their gifts from Santa.
All of this and I still couldn't help but feel even more miserable about my failed attempt at marriage.
But I smiled, and engaged, and asked questions, because that was the polite thing to do.
"I've been monopolizing the entire conversation, I'm so sorry." He took a sip of his drink, "Please tell me about yourself."
What was I even doing? This getting to know you stage. What's your favorite color? What do you like to do in your free time? Are you a family man?
This was the exact opposite of what I wanted to do right now. I didn't have the capacity to get to know someone all over again and date. I'm self aware enough to know that I'm not ready for that.
Yet here I am.
"Um, actually if you'll excuse me....I have to go to the bathroom." I smiled politely, as I excused myself from the conversation and headed towards the restroom.
Luckily for me the restroom was fairly empty, with what little activity seemed to be people coming to do their business and immediately leaving.
I braced my hands on the side of the sink and stared at myself in the mirror.
When you're told you're handsome, good looking, sexy, whatever, it all seems to lose its meaning the more you hear it. Like the words become... well words, and it has the opposite effect that was intended.
Looking at myself I could see what they mean, I'm not oblivious to my own good looks. It's just...exhausting to hear that. Especially at this point in my life.
My own dark eyes stared back at me, taking in my appearance slowly. Mocha colored skin, short curly black hair, a wide nose that was pierced with a stud in the right nostril, trailing downward to thick full lips framed by a light mustache beard combination. I was dressed in a auburn hoodie vest thing, basically a hoodie without sleeves, and black jeans. The hood of the hoodie was half pulled over my head, leaving some of my curls peaking out the top of the hood. I wasn't overly muscular, but I did workout pretty frequently, and was proud of the size of my arms, which were accentuated with the top I was wearing. I would like to think of myself as a muscular slender type....or twunk....God I hated that term with a passion.
"What are you doing?" I whispered to my mirror image, as if it would give me the answers I sought.
I gave a frustrated growl, as I turned on the water and filled my hand with a portion on it. I splashed the cold water on my face hoping that the shock would jolt me to some kind of revelation, but all it did was make me cold and wet.
So now I was confused and cold and wet.
Great.
Normally I'd call my best friend Stefano, he'd give me terrible advice that I'd probably take, and deal with the fallout as it came. But he's in Berlin now whoring about, and the time difference. I should've went with him when he offered. If nothing else it would've given me a much needed distraction from reality.
I can't stay in here forever, and I would have to pass him to make it to the entrance so I can't sneak out.
I sighed, "Come on Art, just go back out there and talk to him. Tell him whatever."
I guess the drinks were catching up to me, if I was talking to myself in the bathroom mirror. I grabbed a paper towel and dabbed at my face. Once I was satisfied with my appearance, I opened the door and walked back towards the bar.
"Hey, I thought you ditched me." Bahri chuckled.
"I thought about it, I did. The door is within sight of the bar, you would've saw me leaving."
I could see his smile falter, as he let out a nervous breath.
I stared in straight in the eye, "You wanted to know more about me, here it is. My fiancé left me less than a month ago, our wedding would have been exactly a month from today. No explanation, no looking back, he just left me. So I did what any sane person does, I came to a bar to drink because anything is better than staying home with all the plans, and all the wedding stuff, and all the feelings. So that's why I thought about leaving. Because this, this getting to know you thing that we're doing, I can't. You're a great guy, but I just can't."
Maybe that was a lot to unload on a stranger....okay it definitely was, but I guess it was a long time coming. If it wasn't him, then it would've probably been some poor old defenseless woman at the grocery store.
I expected him to get up in run the opposite direction. Honestly I wouldn't blame him, I'd probably do the same if I was in his shoes.
So that sane thing that I mentioned before....it's a work in progress.
Bahri stared at me intently, I'm assuming to process everything that I told him. His eyes squinting and twinkling in a soft and mysterious way.
He motioned to the bartender to get his attention, I'm assuming to ask for his tab so that he could run fast and far away from me.
It's for his own good. I'm all dark right now anyway.
To my surprise the bartender refilled his cup.
"Mind leaving behind the bottle?" Bahri flashed the bartender his adorable, yet endearing smile. It seems he has mastered the use of his assets. No one could deny that smile. "I'll make sure you're tipped significantly." He winked.
The bartender blushed, "It's not normally something we're allowed to do unless you're VIP." He was a twink in every sense of the word. Thin, slightly feminine, blond hair cut short and styled with a part on the left giving him a comb over look.
God I hated that look. It should be reserved for balding guys in their 50s, and even then it's a crime.
Bahri lowered his voice seductively, "I'm sure you can make this exception for me, beside I'm a friend of the owner Josh, if he gives you hell tell him I...persuaded you." He added a wink at the end of maximum effect.
He's a player. Got it.
The bartender blushed even more, if that were possible. Any more blushing and I was sure he'd overheat and short circuit his brain.
"Okay, I'm sure I can make an exception this once." The bartender slid the bottle toward Bahri, making sure not to break eye contact. When Bahri reached for the neck of the bottle, the bartender grabbed his hand and guided it to the bottle in a suggestive manner, helping him grip the neck of the bottle.
I rolled my eyes and sighed. This is what I had to look forward to now that I was single again?
Where's a psycho shooter when you need it?
When I said I was in a dark place....it gets dark. I make no apologies.
"Thank you my friend." Bahri greeted before taking the bottle and refilling my glass.
The bartender gave one more lingering seductive glance, and went back to work.
Something told me that wouldn't be the last of him tonight.
"Do you flirt like that will all your.....friends?" I inquired as I sipped my drink.
"Not really," he shrugged, "but I do think life is more interesting when you enjoy it and let it guide you. As opposed to planning out every step, every detail meticulously."
I don't do that. Plan my life.
"Also your ex-fiancé is a coward." He sipped his drink casually.
I perked up at that and gave him an confused look, "Excuse me?"
He turned towards me, those greenish brown eyes staring into my soul. "What he put you through...no one should have to endure that kind of heartbreak, that kind of despair. He allowed you to feel things, have hopes, make plans knowing that he wasn't going to go through with them. No one makes that kind of decision overnight. He knew, and because he knew, he's a coward."
I squinted my eyes, "You seem to be awfully familiar with the concept. Who was he? The guy that broke your heart?"
He raised his glass. "That's a lot to unload on a first meeting. Some things I'd rather leave a mystery, at least for now. Can't show you all my cards the first round, right?" He winked as he took a sip.
"You most certainly can't." I smirked at him.
A comfortable silence fell between us. We exchanged flirtatious glances at each other from time to time. Despite my resolve to not get involved with anyone so soon, I could feel the beginnings of something with Bahri that I couldn't deny. I've never been the type of person that believed that you needed to completely mourn the loss of a relationship and take months or years to heal before jumping in another relationship. People heal in their own way and time. There are no rules to intimacy and all the things it entails.
For example, I'm self aware. I'm self aware and I've acknowledged the failure of my engagement. I took a few days after to mourn to feel sorry for myself, and then I picked up my feelings and kept moving. Life doesn't stop just because you had a bad day. You have to accept the cards you've been dealt, and decide if you will let it consume you, or if you'll rise above it.
I'm rising.
He made his decision without me, and I couldn't change his mind.
And with that I lay it all to rest.
So hypothetically speaking, if I wanted to start something with Bahri, I could knowing that he is not my ex. My past relationship has no bearing on all future relationships. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'll be triggered by certain things, but overall one failed relationship doesn't mean that I'm incapable of loving or being loved by someone else.
And that ladies and gentlemen, is what a great therapist can do for your life.
"So now that we've established we both have emotional trauma, how about we get out of here and see what else we have in common." He wiggled his eyebrows playfully.
I gave him a mock dignified look, "But what would the president of your fan club think?" I nodded over towards the bartender who was obviously flirting with another customer.
Bahri chuckled as he glanced over to the bartender, "As you can see, I have long since been forgotten."
I grabbed my chest faking sympathy, "Oh you poor thing. Your twink has abandoned you. How will you go on with life?"
He wiped away a fake tear, "I guess if I must, I'll settle with you."
He was good, very good.
"I don't know, I might want to try my luck with the twink." I stared pass him to the bartender, "Looks like it's you and your hand tonight stranger bar guy."
"Ouch." He feigned hurt. "Stranger? After everything we've been through?"
I couldn't hold it in anymore and burst out laughing.
A genuine laugh.
Bahri joined in, and soon we were laughing so hard that we were crying. Not that it was particularly that funny, but the banter that we had was easy. That, and we were definitely more drunk than either of us realized.
He held up the bottle. It looked full enough for less than a shot. He tilted the bottle towards me.
I shook my head, "Oh no, you don't get to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me mister."
He made a gesture as if to clutch some imaginary pearls like he was some fat southern Baptist woman during a Sunday sermon. "I would never, I'm a gentleman. All night talking, and I never once tried to get in your pants."
"Oh no I'm not worthy of trying to get in my pants?"
He shook his head a little more vigorously than was necessary, "You misunderstand," he leaned in close enough to me that I could feel his breath on my lips as he breathed slowly and steadily. Our face unconsciously did that weird dance when in close proximity with someone you desire to kiss. Our noses playfully kissed one another which each slight movement, sends my nerves to rapid fire. Every time we touch, it was like my body was jolted with pure ecstasy.
"I very much want to get into your pants," he whispered. His breath flowing directly from his mouth into my own. I was breathing in his words, getting more intoxicated with every sentence. "But I want it to be a night you remember. That you think about during the day while at work. That you dream about at night as you touch yourself reliving the feeling of my hands all over your body." As he was talking his lips got closer and closer, or maybe I was imagining it. "I want every part of your body to remember how I made you feel. So that when you're ready, when your body craves that feeling again, you'll come back to me. Over...." He was so close. Just kiss me already, "and over..." I could just grab his face and press our lips together. He's so close and I could do it.
"Again."
I hadn't even noticed that my eyes were closed, but after what felt like a minute and he hadn't kissed me, I opened my eyes to see him reclined in his chair with a grin as if nothing happened.
What the hell kind of mind game.
I thought....he didn't...
"Come on. Let's get you a cab." He placed a significant amount on the table before standing up and offering me his hand.
My mind was on autopilot, as I grabbed his hand and stood up. He held tightly but not uncomfortable, as we made our way to the exit of the club and out to the sidewalk.
"Why didn't you kiss me." I mumbled.
He waved down a taxi, "what was that? I didn't hear what you said."
Look at him under the fluorescent lighting of the night, he looked even more attractive. I hadn't noticed because we were sitting for the majority of the night. He was tall like I thought. 6'5 easily and he was more muscular than I thought initially. The fabric of the shirt he was wearing was bulging, barely able to contain his massive arms. His chest strained against the buttons of his shirt. I'm assuming that's why the top buttons were undone. They simply wouldn't fit. His jeans were fitted, but not too tight. I could clearly make out the bulge in his groin that seemed to throb slightly.
Good to know I wasn't the only one suffering blue balls.
I looked up at him. His hand were on my shoulders. "I said why didn't you kiss me? I mean what as that?"
He smiled down at me, his hands rubbed my shoulder reassuringly. "Because I don't want just one sloppy drunk moment with you. You are by far one of the most interesting people I have ever met. I don't want just one sloppy drunk moment with you."
He leaned down and softly pressed his lips to my cheek. It was almost like being kissed by a ghost. The moment, slow, but fleeting all the same.
He slowly guided me towards the open taxi door. He placed his hand on my head and slowly guided me into the backseat. He leaned over me to buckle the seatbelt. This is the time I had been this close to him all night. Immediately his musk invaded my nostrils, sending me into a euphoria of dizziness. If I wasn't already intoxicated by consumption, his scent alone would've done it. It was kind of a cedar smell, mixed with his own natural pheromones. I could feel myself throb wildly in my pants. Every cell in my body was telling me to let this man consume me.
He slowly backed out if the car and shut the door.
Instinctively I rolled down the window. I narrowed my eyes at him, "You should get a bigger shirt."
He laughed and waved to me as the taxi began to drive off.
I gave a frustrated sigh. Not only did he not kiss me, but he left me with the world's worst case of blue balls....like ever!
"Fuck!" I exclaimed. I didn't even get his number. I'm such and idiot.
I placed my hand in the seat next to me and noticed a napkin from the bar. I raised the napkin to my face.
Enjoyed meeting you. If you remember me, give me a call tomorrow. -Bahri xxx-xxx-xxxx
I guess I'm not a complete idiot. I cradling the napkin while smiling like a maniac. Not sure how I'll feel about it tomorrow, but for the first time since my fiancé left me.
I felt.....hopeful and that was enough for me right now.
That's it for chapter 2. Hope you guys liked it. As always you can email me your thoughts travisderon@outlook.com. :)