Copyright 2010 by Jaden Lane, All Rights Reserved.
Happy Thanksgiving (Canada) and Columbus Day (U.S.A.)! This entire story is dedicated to you; whether you are bi, gay, lesbian, transgendered, or straight. Especially if you are among the first 4, this past month has been a tragic month and cause for anguish, but no more so than any other month. Sadly, gay bashing, bullying, attacks, and teen suicide are nothing new, but the anti-hate media attention they are now getting is cause for hope. Remember that your life is precious, even when it sure as shit doesn't feel that way some times. The same applies to you straight readers, and I thank you for your open hearts and minds; you make our lives a little easier.
A note from the Nifty Archivist; if the site you access this story through is asking for membership or payment, use the following free link to the archives: http://www.nifty.org/
Always love to hear from you, please let me know what you think @: phantomscorpio77@gmail.com or stop by to see what's going with the next chapter and other writing @: www.myspace.com/phantomscorpio77
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If You Could Read My Mind
"Nev, wait up!"
He stops and turns. Megan may have not been able to stick to their plans yesterday, but Neville will give her credit; she's not given up on him despite his recent attempts to push everyone away again.
"What's up Megan? What can I do for you?"
"Josh said he was going shopping with you at the mall. I thought you boys could use a girl to tag along."
"Yeah, the mall then a free haircut from his mom. I guess it wouldn't hurt if you want to tag along. Why don't you go find him and meet me outside in like five minutes. Uh, make it ten, and I'll meet you at the front doors."
"Why don't I just tag along with you now, and we can meet him at his locker like I told him?"
"Uh, no. I have to go somewhere for a minute, and not to be rude, but you're not welcome to tag along with me there. Now before you ask, it's private, that's why," Neville says to Megan without lying.
"Ten minutes is a long time to play with yourself in the school washrooms Nev! I should have helped you out and ripped it off like I wanted to, back you-know-when. Just be quick, pervert," Megan says and heads for her locker.
After sneaking into the arena to drop off his book-bag and to collect some money, Neville sneaks back out and meets Josh and Megan in under ten minutes.
On the way to the mall, Megan notices Neville must have gone home and dropped his bag off, "Hey you shit! You went home and dropped off your stuff? Thanks for the invite!"
"I'm sorry Megs. I think I've told you before; it's just a lot easier on me if I don't bring anyone by my place. So much easier," Neville apologetically explains.
Megan's guess has always been that Neville is alone at home all the time, and that he's embarrassed about it. She realizes this may just be her projecting on him, because she knows what it's like to be embarrassed of an empty home. Put that with the fact that he's sheepish of home like she used to be, and that's her conclusion.
"Hey Nev, Cathy was talking to me about you over the weekend. You can talk to me whenever you feel like it, but I think I get what you're going through. I used be alone all the time with my dad at sea and my mom working the graveyard shift. I suspect you're always alone, just like I was until I was invited to move in with Brooke's family."
"Uh, thanks, but it's not really like that. Really, it's just as hard on me as that must have been on you, yet it's quite different. And I hate to say it, but I've mostly gotten over it. It is what it is, and I just don't care to hash it out. Thanks though," Neville says, watching Josh closely out of the corner of his eye.
Josh doesn't give any cause for concern and pats Neville on the back when Megan is in front of them.
Crossing the street to the mall, Megan lets it go, instead asking, "So what are we here to get anyways?"
"Well, don't laugh, okay? Bailey wants me to buy him my favourite CD, or the CD with my favourite song on it. He wants to get to know me through it. I wasn't going to at first, but on our own, the best Josh and I could come up with at Wal-Mart was a Darth Maul piggy-bank. So it looks like I'm getting him the CD after all."
"What CD?"
"Kenny Roger's greatest hits, on cassette," Josh jokes.
"Uh, no! But you're still both going to laugh. Tracy Chapman is my favourite. We're looking for her first CD."
"You joking right?" Megan blurts out before Josh pokes her in the back out of Neville's sight, "I don't mean it in a bad way, just not at all what I pictured. I just thought you'd be more dance and bubblegum pop like Bailey, or even hip-hop and rap like Josh. You sure you're not looking for ABBA? Every gay boy adores ABBA."
"Nope. I think you're wrong about all gay guys liking ABBA, but you may have me there. Still, I don't care. Go ahead and make fun of me, but Tracy's my girl!"
"Makes sense, sort of," Josh explains to Megan, "Remember your first week here, he got us an assignment based on that book we were reading? He was talking about that song `American Pie', like he really knew it. And Anne Murray's old version too, not Madonna's remake that's out now."
Megan laughs as they enter the mall, "Yeah, didn't that dumbass Laura Murphy think it was John Lennon?"
Neville laughs inside at both Josh and Megan, `And you both are still wrong too. It's Don McLean, not Ann Murray. Guess I won't bother to share with you guys that I sort of like her too.'
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Neville is already sitting at the table in Off Broadway when he spots Bailey being dropped off. Bailey agreed to meet him at the restaurant, giving in to Neville's gentle refusal to meet at either of their homes. He knows Neville wants to avoid his parents, but he would like to at least be able to go over to Neville's house and ring the doorbell. Neville gets up from the table and gets the door for Bailey as he approaches the restaurant.
Bailey asks the obvious, "What's this?"
"Uh, it's your gift."
Looking at the gift bag with its flowery tissue paper, ribbons and bows that Megan did for Neville, Bailey beams, "I love it already! What did you get me?"
Leading Bailey to their table, Neville pulls the bag back from Bailey, "Dinner first. Then the big disappointment."
After dinner Bailey holds out his hands, "Okay, I'm ready for the gift I'm going to love. Or as you called it, my big disappointment. I can't wait to see what you got me! Wow, this is heavy, what did you get me?"
"You said to get you my favourite CD, so it's the CD with a little something else too; two more of my favourites."
Bailey gently unties the ribbon and pulls out the tissue paper with equal care. He reaches for the wrapped object at the bottom of the bag first, and meticulously unwraps it, "Oh wow, The Man In the Iron Mask, very interesting of you and totally not what I expected by the way. And on DVD too, you must have broke the bank on this Nev!"
"Have you seen it?"
"No, it was out about the same time as Titanic, and I saw that like three times in the theatre alone. This is great," Bailey beams as he takes the next gift out of the bag. Purposely leaving the wrapped CD for last, he starts to remove the tape and unfold the seams of the gift wrap, "A book? Oh, okay. Seriously? The Talisman by Stephen King and Peter Straub? You know you're going to have to explain what's going on in it for me, right?"
"Well, Harry Potter is sort of my favourite, if I'm being honest, but lately I've been really digging The Talisman more and more. Major tie-ins to the Dark Tower I think. Never mind, I'll explain when you read it. It was a toss-up between that and A Game of Thrones, now I'm not sure which I should have got you."
Both boys are silent as Bailey opens the last gift, "So, what do you think? Do you like this or do you wish I'd just bought you a nice shirt from somewhere other than Wal-Mart?"
Bailey smiles, "No! This is so cool! But who's Tracy Chapman?"
"She's like, only the best singer ever. I love her music so much, her voice is so soulful; it's haunting. Seriously, her voice is amazing. It resonates so deep inside that it gives me chills. I'd marry her for her voice alone."
"Is she dance? I've never heard of her. Oh, wait, copyright 1988? This is old. Your favourite song's on this?"
"No. Fast Car' is my favourite on there, but I still like Believe' and Show Me the Way' more, they're pretty important to me. Don't laugh, but if you really want to know my all-time favourite song, it's The Time of Day' by Gino Vannelli. He's Canadian. The song's all about being the master of your own destiny, and about not being tempted by the Devil; as in not giving him the time of day. So yeah, that's my favourite song."
"Wow, really? Cool! I would never have guessed. I mean, I've never even heard of the guy. Write it down for me and I'll search for it on Napster. So what else do you like?"
"Uh, If You Could Read My Mind' by Gordon Lightfoot, and Amreican Pie' by Don McLean. And another huge favourite is Luba, 'Every Time I see Your Picture' and 'No More Words'. You have to hear her. Uh, I guess I really like the light stuff, but they're all pretty deep songs."
"Isn't `American Pie' by Anne Murray?"
"Funny, Megan and Josh thought the same thing when we were talking about it too."
Waving the CD, Bailey asks, "So what is she?"
"I don't know; a person?"
"No, what kind of music?"
"Oh! Uh, folk or blues I guess."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"See, something new and totally unexpected from you. I was expecting more heavy metal like the other CD you pulled out for me. I love this, thank you!"
"You love it? It's your birthday and I bought you stuff you don't even like."
"We don't know if I like it or not, I just don't know it yet, and that's why I love it! I'm going to listen to this CD all night long and learn something about you! It's so perfect!"
"If you say so."
"I do."
"Stop it, please?"
"Stop what?"
"Being so awesome and making me want to cry right here because I love you so much despite giving you the lamest birthday gift ever."
"That's what makes this the perfect gift. I do want to know you better and you went along with what I asked, because I asked."
"Seriously, getting misty here," Neville reminds.
"So you like folk and blues and some metal. Quite the range."
"We only ever got to listen to music that both Mom and Dad approved. My parents kept us mainly to folk, blues and gospel, but they allowed some Christian rock and other lighter stuff."
"Like that song by Savatage?"
"Yeah, like that, or Show Me the Way' by Styx, which compliments Believe'. Anything we listened to had to be approved by my parents first."
"You keep slipping in we' and us'. Who's we?"
"Oh? Uh, I mean to say `me'."
"I know. I also know you're not an only child; you keep saying `we'. You love me so much that you're ready to let me into your ass. Thing is, I'm not going to go there until you love me enough to let me into your heart first."
"Fair enough. That's a really black spot on my heart that I'm not ready to shed much light on yet to anyone. Even to myself. I swear to you, I've finally felt like dealing with my problems since I fell in love with you. That's why I visit with Reverend Francis. Mostly she's helping me trust myself, so that I can trust you."
"Why don't you trust yourself? What did you do?"
"Let's get the bill first, and then I'll tell you on the way to ice cream. Deal?"
"Deal. Let's go and you can tell me everything," Bailey says, placing the gifts back in the bag and getting up.
"Uh, I need to pay first. I think they bring the bill to the table in restaurants like this."
"Dad called ahead and gave his credit card. Everything including a twenty percent tip is taken care of already."
"This was my gift to you! Why'd he do that?" Neville protests his disappointment, despite the wave of relief washing over him that he doesn't have to furnish the money for the expensive meal.
"Because my parents feel real bad about your job, and because you're my boyfriend. Our relationship is your gift to me. And you bought me the best CD, book, and movie!"
"Don't confuse my favourites with the best. You may not like any of them," Neville refutes, `And there's the irony! You own three of my favourite things, while aside from clothes, school supplies, and personal hygiene items, I only have three possessions to my name. You have a whole lot more than a pocket knife and two books. You even have your family's old desktop computer in your own room! Yeah, you have so much more than me.'
Neville takes a good look around as the two walk down to the wharf for ice cream. With no one in their immediate vicinity he grabs Bailey's arm, halting him. Pulling him close, Neville turns his head slightly sideways and reaches in for a tender kiss, "Happy birthday. I love you."
Before Neville can pull away Bailey risks a second kiss in public, "I love you too. Thank you. Thank you for everything. So now, how about your promise to share some secrets? That's what I really want."
"Oh God, you're not going to let that go, are you? Okay, let's see. I'm the fourth of six kids. Three brothers, two sisters. Obviously a heavily religious family. Things were great for a while until I got caught kissing a boy by my oldest brother. Bing, bang, boom. That was then, this is now. That was there, this is here. I still don't hate myself for being gay and I'm way cool with what you and I do. My problem now is different and it's harder than I ever thought. I have a difficult time letting people in. Letting you in now goes against my nature."
"Why is it so hard? I mean, you're letting me in right now."
"Truthfully, I just spewed more than I meant to. As to why, I can't say for sure. Fear of rejection maybe? Fear of abandonment? Definitely not really being able to be who I was born as, at least until I'm eighteen. Once I'm eighteen I'm free to be me and I can take care of everything on my own, without my family's involvement."
"Like what?"
"Like my Social Insurance for example."
"What else?"
"Legally changing my name and holding down a job, applying for university, and deciding what ice cream to get you," Neville says as they step into the ice cream parlour.
"What?"
"Well, if your birthday is about you getting things I like, then you're eating my favourite ice cream too!"
"Alright, you order your favourite for me, and I order my favourite for you. Deal?"
"Deal."
"What kind of ice cream am I going to be subjected to? You don't like milk, so what, frozen yoghurt or sherbet?"
"Uh, I don't know, you'll just have to see."
"Cool. You're getting Tiger Tail!"
"What's that?"
"You'll find out!"
`Great. Now I have to pick out something on the fly. I don't think he'll be impressed that I only like vanilla. Maybe I'll order him chocolate. No, even that's too plain. Quick, what do they have? Almond Crunch, eww. Banana Caramel, he'll hate that. Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, how many chocolates do they have? Seven, eight, nine, nope, holy crap, they have eleven different kinds of chocolate ice cream?'
The girl at the counter addresses Neville, "And for you?"
`Crap, he's already ordered? That was fast! C'mon, chocolate's too plain, keep going. Coconut Pie, gross! Cookies 'n Cream, no. Damn-it! Ah, there we go! That can't be too bad,' Neville stops scanning the boards. After clearing his throat, his voice still sounds unsure, "Uh, same thing, but Cotton Candy please?"
As he pays for the cones being made, Neville suggests, "We better walk back to your place with these or you might miss curfew. Grab a stack of napkins."
"Good call. Are you coming over?"
"No, I can't. I'm going to do homework at the Laundromat, and then I have to clean up at the arena."
"How come you have clean up even when there's no hockey?"
"Lacrosse in dressing rooms 3 and 4, and dressing room 1 has an outside door that's open for baseball and soccer games. There's less to pick up off the floor, but the mopping is ten times worse, and the toilets get more use."
"Oh."
"Yeah, when you're doing the park supervisor thing there, remember that you can use the arena if you need to."
"Well, how about when you're done your clean up, you sneak into my room and my tongue can clean yours."
"You're pick-up lines need some serious help!"
"I really want you in my bed tonight Sweetie. Can you come over and sneak in whenever you're done? Wake me when you slip into bed and we can spend a little private time?"
"Alright. But I don't just do this for anyone you know!"
"You sure as shit better not!"
"You know what I meant!"
"Yes I do. Okay, next question. How'd you get that scar on your arm?"
After an internal debate Neville explains, "I was horsing around with my brothers out in a barn. I had just done something to my oldest brother and he pretended to let me escape from him. Then he grabbed my foot at the last second as I was climbing to the loft to get away from him. He didn't pull me hard or anything, but I was laughing and squirming and I lost my balance. I pushed off the ladder to try and grab a post. I thought I could swing around it and surprise him, but I got my arm flayed open by a rusty nail instead."
"Sounds like fun."
"No, it wasn't. I passed out when I saw my insides."
"No, I meant horsing around with your brothers. If it wasn't such a bittersweet memory you'd have just said something like I ripped my arm open on a rusty nail."
"Oh. Yeah, we were having a blast!"
As they near the downtown area a police car slowly passes them and the officer waves at them. As Neville waves back, Bailey freaks, "What time is it?"
"8:37. You've got 23 minutes to get home and we're what, 5 minutes away now? Don't worry Sweetie, the police aren't after you!"
"No? That guy was staring at us down by the harbour and now he's following us. Look, he even waved just so I know he's watching me!"
"No, he waved because I go to the same church as him, and it's sort of his job to stare at people and make sure they're not breaking the law," Neville suggests, trying to calm Bailey.
A couple blocks closer to Bailey's home, the officer has pulled over and walks past them on his way to a bank machine. He's a police officer; by observation he's pieced together that they are on a date. He's just not sure why he watching out for them other than a sense of allegiance to Neville, who he recognises as an underprivileged member of his church. Feeling their eyes both powerlessly fixed on him, he nods their way, "Gentlemen."
Neville worries, `Well, maybe it's me and not Bailey that's piqued his interest. Maybe he's looking into me for the Reverend, or maybe I stand out on his cop radar. Maybe I'll ask him at church. No, I don't want or need his interest. Maybe we're both just being paranoid and I should listen to my own rationale that I just tried to soothe Bailey with.'
"Well, here we are. Thank you for a wonderful night. You are going to sneak in later, right?"
"You know it!"
Hours later when Neville pulls back the duvet to reveal his naked boyfriend he smiles. Bailey smiles back and adjusts himself as Neville undresses down to the jockstrap he took from Bailey. With the Tracy Chapman CD quietly on repeat mode in the background and candles casting a warm glow, the boys roll around on the bed, changing positions and rolls often. Well into the dead of the night they settle into a 69 position on their sides and drink in the sensations of each other's boy scents with their noses and the sweaty, lithe legs and taut stomachs with their hands and eyes. Their ears filter in the satisfying sounds of their own efforts, and the pleasure they are evoking from the other, and soon their mouths taste and feel the result of it all.
Waking minutes later, upside down on his bed, Bailey turns around and nestles up to Neville. Snuggling tightly from behind, Bailey presses his member deep into the void in Neville's crotch. Neville uses his thighs to grip the still-hard member and very slowly begins to hump himself on Bailey, all the while pretending to be asleep. Relaxed, he actually does fall asleep. Bailey keeps grinding, finding it easier and easier to push into his boyfriend. The intrusion wakes Neville, but he's doesn't protest, nor does he let Bailey know he's woken.
Bailey doesn't really penetrate Neville while he grinds; he merely spreads him. When he explodes in a second, more intense orgasm moments later, his ejaculate mostly squirts back at himself before an uncontrolled thrust plunges his head into his boyfriend. Neville sighs at this new and foreign sensation, but Bailey doesn't hear it over his own orgasm. Ashamed, Bailey pulls out and uses his hands as calmly as he can to try and hide the evidence of his violation.
"Sorry Nev, please don't find out. I'm sorry baby; I could have sworn you were still awake and were letting it happen. I didn't realize you'd fallen asleep on me. Please don't be mad, please understand. I'd never mean to rape you; I love you too much. I know you've given me advance permission to enter you, but hopefully you don't find out I just did before I get a chance to tell you," Bailey whispers.
Neville smiles to himself and rolls over, as always, pretending to be asleep, `How do you think I wouldn't notice you just shot part of your load inside me? Like really, how do you think I was asleep through it all, especially when you entered me?
Bailey my boy, you are so stupid! Innocently stupid, and cute and naive, and I love you! You put your dick in me when you thought I was asleep! At least now I know what it feels like and I can't wait for the first time we have sex. Maybe I should offer right now?
No, you just blew your load in and on me, and don't want me to know. And you're trying your best to clean me off right now, which is why I'm now on my stomach, hiding my boner. If you don't stop it with your fingers all over and in my butt, you are going to make me wet your sheets here real soon!
Still, I do want more, that felt weird but really good. Then again, I'm a little afraid of taking you all the way. Should I ask you? No, next time. Next time I stay over. You and me, your lips pressed to mine with our tongues wrestling, your hands in my hair and my legs wrapped around you while you make love to me. Yeah, next time, you deep inside me and we'll see stars together!
Then again, the next time you try something sexual with me I'm just as likely to lie in a catatonic state, pretending to be asleep like usual. Don't take it personal my love, not that you even know, but it's me, not you. I want to fuck your brains out, or have you fuck my brains out. But just like all other areas of my life, there's a scared little boy inside me that takes over and won't let me show my true self to anyone. He doesn't want me getting too emotionally dependant on anyone else ever again, and I tend to agree with him. Oddly enough, when there was next to no emotion involved with your sister, the little bugger didn't step in. If ever I needed to retreat into a catatonic state, it would have been in the shower just before I gave my virginity to Brooke!
And so now here you are, still apologizing to me even though you think I'm asleep. I believe you! I truly do believe you feel awful for pushing yourself inside my butt, even while I fully let you. Yes, yes, I know you thought I was awake Bailey! Duh, I was, and still am. I just don't know how to tell you, so this is how it is.'
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Lounging in Bailey's bed a few weeks later after another steamy session, with only a couple weeks of school still left, Neville breaks news of his plans, "Uh Bailey, I have to tell you this. Josh's dad used to work on a potato farm. I'm not sure how it all came about but I can make some good money if I work the summer there. It doesn't even pay minimum wage but it's still good. 5 bucks an hour, minimum 10 hours a day, I can work up to 6 days a week if I want, and I'd get free boarding if I stay in a bunkhouse in the loft of one of their barns."
Bailey instantly gets defensive, "So you're leaving me for the summer?"
Neville's prepared to defend his decision, "It's 300 dollars a week or more. Cash. No documentation needed. Do the math; that's better than 3000 dollars for the summer. I can't say no."
Bailey can sense the resolve in Neville's voice as he listens to the argument. He knows fighting it will be a losing battle, "Will you come back on your free days?"
Neville pauses, but can't withhold long, "Can't unless you want to drive out and get me each time, and drop me off again. And I don't even know what day I'd have off."
Not amused, Bailey can't mask that he hates the idea, even as he tries to pretend otherwise, "Sunday's silly."
Neville shakes his head, "Not necessarily. Not many farmers can just take Sundays off like city people. Things still need doing on Sundays."
"Great. This whole summer is going to be a total punishment to me," Bailey starts to really sulk and pull at straws, "How about meals? Who pays for them?"
"Sweetie, I don't want to do this anymore than you want me to, but you have to understand I could almost make a year's tuition over the summer if I work hard enough. It's my only way; I've got to do this."
Half teasing, half serious, Bailey offers, "Can I at least give you my virginity before you go so you have something to come back for?"
"No, if we wait it'll be even more worth it!"
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Catching Neville in a hallway at school the following Monday, Bailey shares, "Hey Nev. I talked to my friend Jeremy back in Moncton yesterday. We got to talking about another friend of ours who's uncle has a fishing boat. So I called up my friend Smitty, and he's going to work on his cousin's boat for the summer while his other cousin stays on their dad's boat. They both still need some crew if you hurry, and are offering a thousand bucks a week."
Neville's eyes widen, "No way! That would be awesome! You're not joking me are you, trying to dupe me so I pass on the potato farming thing?"
Bailey rolls his eyes at Neville's tongue-in-cheek accusation, "No. I didn't believe that shit but apparently some companies offer up to 20 000 dollars for three months! Smitty's cousin and uncle can't pay that, but they are offering a thousand a week to anyone over 18. If you did ten weeks on the boat instead of the potato farm you'd make more than triple the pay."
Neville can't believe his ears, "And this is legit? Like, it's not just bullshit? You know for a fact that they're looking for people and that's what they're paying?"
Bailey explains, "Yeah, I know for a fact, but Smitty's uncle needs an answer like today or tomorrow. He did say that they only pay out students at the end of the summer, so that's the one catch. It's all or nothing, you have to stick it out for the whole ten weeks. Smitty thinks that's their hook; that they always hope a lot of guys stay on when they get a cheque for ten grand."
Neville's mind is racing. He's already decided yes, but he wants all the details he can get, "Keep talking."
Bailey thinks of any details he may have missed, "Well, it's seven days a week and the hours may be longer than the potato farm, and Jer does say it's pretty dangerous, but that's 10 000 for the summer. You know, if you are dead-set on leaving me alone all summer, that is."
Neville closes his eyes and shrugs his shoulders, "Bailey, I'm really sorry, but that's my only ticket to university. I love you so much already, but if I'm ever going to contribute anything to a bright future for us, I have to do this. I don't have parents that saved up every year for my education like you do. Can you call this Smitty and see if they're still looking? How well do you know him? Could you put in a good word for me?"
Bailey sighs, "Smitty's, well, he was my best friend, before we moved and I found you. Don't worry by the way; he's into girls. I knew you'd go for it so he called them and then called me back; they're waiting to hear from you. We can call his cousin right after school and get you set up."
"Thanks, I know it sucks but you're so awesome for setting this up for me. To make that kind of money is amazing," Neville says, blowing a kiss at Bailey and adding a wink for good measure.
).:.(<<
A couple weeks later Neville is set to leave for the summer. He's packed away all his belongings and organized the room he's living in so that it doesn't look lived in. He's arranged with Mrs. MacLeod to give his report card to Reverend Francis for him. He's bought a Greyhound ticket to Moncton. The only thing he has left to do the night before he leaves is to assuage Bailey. He'd hoped a night of little sleep and lots of loving would do the trick, but Bailey seems so distant that they don't proceed past oral, and snuggle most of the night instead.
Trying to sneak out the same door he snuck in through last night so that Cathy and Jonas are none the wiser, Neville gives Bailey one last kiss and heads out into the pre-dawn morning, Gotta give you some credit there Bailey, I lost count of just one more kiss' somewhere around ten. One for every week I'll be gone. This is going to be the longest ten weeks of my life. I'm not even off the fire escape yet and I already miss you!'
[to be continued]
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Note:
The songs that I've cited have all been favourites at one point or another in my life. My intent is not to push any religion by way of Neville or some of the music referenced, they just fit Neville for purposes of the story. They are however somewhat uplifting if you care to check them out on YouTube / iTunes etc.