If Only I Could

Published on Sep 20, 2004

Gay

Harder To Breathe 2

Hey well its here the Sequel. This series takes place ten years in the future and Caleb and James are living the Hollywood lifestyle. Hope you enjoy the way I have decided to move with the story. I hope to have a few more chapters out soon just finishing up the editing. Thanks for all the positive feedback I have recieved. OK now time for the Important stuff. This story is complete FICTION I do not know any of the celebrities nor do I know any of their sexual orientation. Deadpool and Weasel are registered trademarks of Marvel comics. Thanks to all who sent feedback.

Last time...

"You have to listen to your father he knows what's right but you should know Caleb and I would love to have you here.

"See dad please could I stay for a visit"

"I need to talk to your mother about this."

"If mom says yes can I stay?"

Now

"We will see, go change your clothes for supper."

"Ok" he said wiping his eyes

I decided to give Brian some place and I wanted to talk to Jake about Justin. "Hey Brian I'm going to go find Jake ok". Brian was quiet staring peacefully out in space. I guess he didn't hear me. I turned to leave.

"Lance?"

"Yeah Brian"

"Is it ok if I tell Leighanne about everything, you know she staying is with Joey and Logan while she's in NY they will probably find out."

"Yes Brian, Caleb and I spoke about this and we agreed it would be ok. We are going to start telling people tomorrow anyway. I will have to call Logan and Joey later."

"Ok, Lance" Brian spoke. He pulled out the cell phone in his pocket. I made my way into the kitchen. Looking for Jake I assumed he would be there after all he is going on 18 and growing it was a safe place to start. Aha I was right I laughed. There was Jake bent over rummaging in the fridge grabbing some leftovers.

"You know you are going to ruin your dinner." I said with my arms crossed and a stern look. Jake pulled his head out of the fridge and I had to laugh. He had a pork chop in his mouth and an apple and milk in his hands. He quickly set the milk and apple down closed the fridge and finally pulled the pork chop out of his mouth. "I really doubt that now dad" he laughed

"Yeah, so do I." I watched him grab for a glass out of the dishwasher.

"So how's the little stinker doing, you think uncle Brian will let him stay."

"Not sure Jake, But I think that Bastion is doing as well as I expected. I wanted to ask you about something though."

"Oh about Uncle Justin, I was wondering when you would say something"

"Are you always that perceptive?" I smiled

"Yep, learned from the best"

"Yes you do take after your dad, so when did you see Justin"

"Last week, I have been seeing him about once a week for over a year. Pops knows he started taking me, but he doesn't visit as much as I do."

"Over a year and you both never said anything" my voice was raising

"Dad this is why we never said anything. Anytime his name is brought up you get quiet and then angry. So we don't say anything, you know you are not responsible. Only Justin is responsible for his actions and he paid the price. This group home is a good thing; it has done wonders for him. He will never be the same but at least he can take care of himself that's why his mom agreed to let him move when Pops approached her about it."

"Your Father was involved in this?" I was confused. I felt out of the loop, mostly upset with myself because it was because of my reactions that no one would talk to me about this. "So this group home is a nice place"

"Very nice actually it's like a community. Each person has their own small house and then there is a large community center with full time 24 hour staff. They teach living skills and have classes its very nice."

"Hmm so he is doing well? Has anyone else ever visited him?"

"Not sure actually he talked about some guys stopping by one time but he couldn't tell me who they were, pretty much forgot about it. He was too excited about one of his classes that he wanted to tell me about." He is doing great everyone is so surprised at his progress. You really should go see him"

"I don't know if I can not sure if I'm ready. I don't know if this is the right time."

"You know dad that statement doesn't really mean much today with everything going on"

"You definitely have grown up Jake I could learn a lot from you. Maybe I will go out there this week can you get me the directions?"

"Of course I can but I can take you out there"

"No that's cool I would like to do this by myself"

"Ok dad, I understand. Are you going to tell Pop about this?"

"Yeah Later on, thanks Jake for being such a great kid and a good friend to Justin"

"No problem" I think he was blushing but I can't tell for sure

"Ok so what is Uncle Brian up to now?"

"He is talking with Leighanne about letting Bastion stay"

"So what do you think?"

"Not sure it's a big decision I hope yes but I m not going to be disappointed if she says no. They have to do what's best for him." It was at that time that my cell phone started ringing. I knew who it would be before I picked it up. "I knew it wouldn't take too long"

"Who?"

I never had a chance to answer him because I had answered the phone "Hello"

"Jimmy" the voice sounded soft and raspy I could hear the tears.

"Hey Logan, I guess you heard" I watched Jake slip out of the kitchen to give me some privacy.

"Please Jimmy tell me it is not true, we just heard from Leighanne. She still talking to Brian. This is insane."

"Sorry Logan it's true and it's as bad as Leighanne and Brian have said. It has been a rough couple of weeks" I could hear mumbled conversation in the background. "Tell Joey Caleb's resting but to call on his cell phone. I know he would like to speak to him."

There was a slight pause as the message was relied and then "Ok he's going to call, he's taking it bad. I know he still loves Caleb."

"Oh Logan I'm sorry it must be hard."

"No its ok I have no doubt that Joey loves me and he know I love him but we can't forget that we loved others before."

"Thank you Logan for everything over the years. I am going to need you a lot soon"

"Where else would I be" I smiled at that thought.

"Ok Jimmy you need to spill tell me everything about you and how you are holding up. I know the basics form Leighanne"

"Well not sure how I am doing and that's the truth. I am trying to keep a strong appearance for everyone especially Caleb. Things are really not going well and I guess I am afraid the end is close. I don't want to give up but everyday it becomes more and more apparent."

"Ok have you told Caleb this he has got to be sensing it "

"No I haven't said anything I want him to fight and he won't if he thinks that I have given up. How could I expect him to continue if I don't believe it?"

"Its not about believe its bout being honest with one another it can't be healthy. You both need to be honest and hit this head on. I thought there was a hope of a Transplant"

"There is but to find a compatible donor is not easy and it is still risky."

"Have you been talking to anyone to help you through this?"

"Not really, I mean Mom knows and she is coming up this week to help but other then her Julia and Danny but we haven't really talked about me I prefer to talk about Caleb and put the focus o him.

"I think your avoiding and I do know you"

"I can't lose him" I began sobbing right there in the kitchen. Everything had come to a head everything was out there. I realized and it and said it and there was no turning back. I just sank down to the floor and leaned against the counter and let the tears come. "Its ok Jimmy let it out its ok." Logan continued to talk to me reassuringly. The tears were still coming but the sobbing at slowed down and my breathing had almost returned to normal.

"Jimmy"

"Yeah, you are going to get through this ok. You both are and Joey and I will be out as soon as we can for you and Caleb"

"Oh guys that is not necessary. Just be able to call and talk is enough"

"I know it is but you will need us and we will be there. I know Joey is telling Caleb the same thing"

"You guys are amazing. Do you realize that?"

"Yep of course we do..." there was a pause "Joe said that Caleb wants to know where you are hiding"

"Tell him I'm in the kitchen" I heard Logan rely the message the next thing I knew I could here someone enter the kitchen and stand there. He must have been looking for me. Not seeing me because I am sitting on the floor behind the island. I raised my hand up above the island so that he could see me.

"There you are" I heard him say.

"Well Logan I have been found by the ball and chain I better let you go" I could hear Logan laugh.

"Ok hey take care and I will be there to see you soon."

"Ok Bye" I clicked off the cell phone and stood up looking at Caleb I saw him standing there and still listening to the phone there were a couple of tears in his eyes that starting moving down his cheeks I swiped at them and he rubbed his face against the palm of my hand. "Hey Joey thanks for everything and I am sorry"

"I know but"

"Ok I understand" with that he hung up and looked at me I just raised my eyebrow wondering what that was about.

"He was upset that I apologized he told me I was being silly"

"Well he was right."

"Go figure you would agree"

"I don't want to argue."

"I know and neither do I so what next?"

"I am going to call Monica"

"Ok good idea then what"

"Then I am going to attempt to get a message to Mel to call home."

"I thought you said..."

"I know but what if she gets the information from a magazine I am sure it will be in the papers to some extent and she may see it. I don't know, but I need to make the attempt after all its Mel"

"I know call I am going to call Mom and make arrangements for her to come up"

"How do you think its going with Brian and Leighanne?"

"Not sure he is still in the den I guess we will just have to wait and find out."

In the den

"I know leighanne, nothing is easy but we have to decide what we are going to do"

"Brian I don't want him there"

"Are you sure about this"

"No, of course not but what about my son"

"Exactly what about him"

"What does that mean?"

"Simple enough if we take him from here and keep him home I am going lose any connection with him . He loves us but he won't like being kept from Caleb."

"Do you think he can handle this? He is not very mature yet"

"I disagree, yes he is still a kid but I think you underestimate him Lee you always have. He can handle this plus Lance said that he hasn't seen Caleb as happy as he has been the last few hours and we both know if Caleb is to be successful to beat this he needs to fight."

"Caleb has always been a fighter Brain I am not denying that seeing Bastion makes him happy but that's not a fair comparison and putting a lot of responsibility on a young boy."

"Leighanne, Lance told me Caleb has given up"

"What?"

"Yes he's given up. I believe Lance, he is heart broken and terrified of the outcome of this. I am sure both Caleb and Lance would not let Bastion be hurt and send him home if it got too bad."

"Ok Brian. I give in but at the slightest sign of trouble we bring him home ok"

"Ok we can do that. I am still going to be here the rest of the week and if I see things not working and it being too much for Him I will take him back with me when I come to New York."

"Fine Brian but I do want to talk to our son ok."

"Ok no problem he is getting changed for lunch he should be back soon."

"Ok, are you going to tell Kevin?"

"Yes but. I don't know when. I have to speak to Caleb on this which I am regretting doing considering the way they have been the last ten years"

"True but he should know regardless"

"Yes Leighanne..." just then the door opened and Bastion poked his head around the corner. He stared at his dad and tried to read what was going on in the phone call between his parents. "Sorry Leighanne our son as appeared" Brian smiled.

"Tell him I want to talk with him"

"Bastion your Mom wants to speak with you"

"Ok dad" Bastion ran forward and took he phone from his dad clearly nervous and excited. "Mom"

"Hello Sweetie, Your dad told me what's going on, how are you feeling?"

"Ok, I guess, sad too and scared"

"That's a lot of feelings to have. Dad tells me you want to stay and spend time with Uncle Caleb"

"Yes Mom, please can I its important he needs me"

"Did Uncle Caleb tell you that?"

"No, he just said I make him laugh, and he needs to laugh Mom, he's really sick, and I'm scared I won't be able to say goodbye" this was met by silence on the other end. Leighanne really didn't know what to say she could here the hurt in here son's voice and the fear as well. "Mom"

"Yes honey I'm here, tell your dad I said it was ok for you to stay and put him back on the phone."

"Thank you Mom thank you I promise to be good." Bastion pulled the phone away and looked at his dad. "She said I could stay." He was so happy he was practically bouncing. "I'm going to go tell Uncle Caleb and Uncle Lance" with that he pushed the phone into Brian's hand and ran out of the den looking for his uncles. Brian placed the phone to his ear.

"Well I guess that's that"

"Not quite Brian and you know it, watch him for the while your there. I expect you to have a long talk with Caleb and Lance despite what they want. They have to think of what this will do to Bastion. Brian if this gets too bad he will come home."

"Leighanne I have to get back to Orlando this week but I could tie up loose ends and come back out here that way I will be near Bastion and be able to look over him."

"Brian, if it would work that would be great."

"I can make it work this is important to me"

"Why you?"

"Cause maybe I can make up for all those things I thought and said about Caleb all those years ago."

"Oh Brian, why are you worrying about that? I know Caleb and Lance don't care."

"I know but I would feel better if I did this"

"That's fine Brian. Its late here Joey and I need to get to practice. But I do want to talk more about this. Give my love to Caleb and Lance."

"OK Love you Honey take care and good luck tonight"

"Thanks, I love you too and Give my baby a huge hug and kiss from me."

"I will, love you sweetie" with that Brian went to find Lance and Caleb. Coming out to the kitchen he saw Bastion sitting on the floor laughing with Caleb while Lance was talking to someone on the phone. He pulled himself up next to Caleb and took a seat.

"I see you heard the good news"

"Yes I did, thank you so much. Both you and Leighanne I know this wasn't an easy decision at all."

"Your right but it was the right thing to do" with that Caleb reached over and hugged Brian. This was the first time since they had arrived. Brian could feel how skinny Caleb had gotten. Bastion stood up and jumped on his fathers back hugging him as well.

"Whoa buddy your getting a little big there"

"Maybe you are just getting older." Lance said laughing.

"Hey now no making fun of the older guy" Brain laughed as he pulled Bastion of his back and pulled him down into his lap and started tickling him. Soon Caleb was helping and poor bastion was breathless. "Ok guys stop before he wets his pants." Lance spoke pulling Caleb back towards him.

"Ok, ok" Caleb panted he was seriously winded Brian noticed this but tried not to draw to much attention to it. Meanwhile Bastion was still lying on his back on the floor trying to catch his breath.

"How you doing man?" Brian asked

"Tired but ok, I called my manager we are going to have a press conference on Monday and let it all out of the bag. I hope Jules and Danny can be here for it the support would be good. Plus Lance just arranged for his mom to get in on Sunday."

"Oh yes before I forget Mom said for you to get some rest and go have a nap before lunch. She even told me to go with you to make sure you sleep."

"You know I could use that nap" with that Caleb got up. You could tell it was a struggle for him. OK I am heading for nap time. See you in a few sweetie."

"Ok be right there" Lance got up and then offered his hand to Brian. Taking it Brian got himself up off the floor.

"So what are you going to do?"

"I think a nap would be good little jet lag and I never slept well last night" well looks like we are all going to nap then. What do you mean all" Lance pointed to Bastion on the floor, who was asleep and snoring. Brain leaned over and shook Bastion.

"Hey son come on lets go take a nap the bed will feel much more comfortable." Bastion stretched and yawned. Getting up from the kitchen floor he stretched again and followed Brain down to the guest rooms. I decided to take a little nap as well, get me some Caleb time. I happily rushed through the house down to our room. I have to admit it had been quite a while since Caleb and I had been intimate and I was feeling quite a bit horny. I opened the bedroom door with gusto. "I want to ravish you..." I stopped Caleb was naked standing in front of the full length mirror staring at himself and trying to touch his image I could see some tears flowing down his cheeks I made my way to him. He turned quickly and held out his arm to stop me.

"Is this what I look like, how long have I looked this way"

"Caleb it's not your fault you're just losing some weight, we can get it back on. The chemo is hard on your appetite"

"Losing some weight I am hideous I look like death. I don't want to die Lance but it looks like I am loosing, I won't beat it looking like a stick."

"Caleb we will get you some food"

"How James I can't even keep anything down"

"Then I think we call Dr. Morris and tell him its time. You need a feeding tube."

"I feel so ugly" he pulled his arms across his body trying to hide himself. I never realized he never saw it I have been watching him waste away the way he looked really didn't surprise me. That's the reason I had been so desperate lately. "Sweetie you are not Ugly never ugly you may be skinny but you could never be ugly. I reached in and pulled him to my body and hugged him. "Caleb we knew this was a possibility, so lets just meet it head on We will try to get a walk in with Dr. Morris tomorrow and try to set up getting the feeding tube. Monday is going to be a big day so we need to keep your strength up"

"I know, thank you for everything today well I guess for everything"

"Never need to thank me for loving you, I enjoy it actually I enjoy everything about you. I rubbed my hands up and down his back. I moved back slightly and looked at him in the eye. Come lay down with me." I pulled him back and we lay down on the bed. I pulled him tight to my chest.

"There this is exactly what life is all about" Caleb sighed

"Well glad I make you happy" I responded and nibbled on his neck.

"You are horny tonight! Well what are we ever going to do about that?"

"I was wondering if you had some Ideas"

"Well I might" Caleb turned around and gently pushed me onto my back and then he straddled my waist. Leaning forward he began to breathe on my neck and run his fingers along my ears. "Close you eyes" I did and felt soft kisses being placed on my eyes. One of his hands moved slowly down my body until he came to my boxers. "Keep your eyes closed."

"Ok" I breathed. He began gently stroking my cock pulling tightly at the base his other hand had found its way to my nipples. He was gently and slowly jacking me off. It seemed so intense. Removing his hand from my nipples he leaned forward and began to lay gentle kisses on my neck all while he continued to jack me off. I stretched my neck back, exposing my self to his assault. I could feel the pressure building up within my balls. My toes were curling from the experience. I needed to see him I was beginning to open my eyes when I felt it. He had clasped his free hand over my eyes and deliberately slowed down hi ministrations on my cock. I was bucking against hi hand trying to get off.

"I told you not to open your eyes Baby. Let me do this I know you are close I can feel it"

"Uh" not very eloquent but its all I could muster at this time. Caleb began jacking me faster and I just closed my eyes tighter and I threw my head back and to the side. It was too soon, no. "OH GOD" I cried out and tensed. I laid there spent and tired. I felt Caleb get up and move around. Quickly Caleb returned and lay back down next to me. I was still reeling from what happened. I eventually opened my eyes. I guessed it was only a few minutes but I might have been wrong when I had glanced at Caleb he was asleep on my chest breathing softly. I should wake him and return the favor. I was about to do it but I decided not too as I watched him sleep. It had been a while since he rested well I was not going to disturb him for anything. It is amazing at how tired you become after you have orgasmed. I too felt a little tired I guess I should just take a cat nap myself something tell me that I am going to need all the rest I can get after this.

Appreciate the feedback

Next: Chapter 24: Harder to Breathe 3


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