If Not Now...

"If not now..."

by

Ritch Christopher

(Copyrighted September 2001 by the author)

All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author.This is a work of gay fiction. It contains graphic sex and explicit language.If you are offended by such, underage, or live in a city or territory where literature of this nature is illegal or unlawful, please exit now.

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CHAPTER THREE

The idea of leaving Lumpkin was foremost in the minds of Bret, Ryder, Marge, and Rhonda singularly, but not necessarily collectively. Marge would go in a minute if Bret were to ask her. It was Ryder, not Marge, that Bret wanted to take to Atlanta. Ryder felt the urge to go with Bret, but his ties to Marge were a bit too strong. As for Rhonda, she just wanted to get the fuck out, by herself or otherwise. She would prefer it if Marge accompanied her, but it wasn't necessary. Her problem was she didn't know where to go, which made her indecision, no enticement for Marge. Marge was still uncertain about her pregnancy, but if another week passed without starting her period, some decision would have to be made. She regretted all the times that Bret attempted to have sex with her. If he had just entered her, leaving one tiny droplet of sperm or pre-cum, that's all it would have taken to "trap" Bret. Instead, at the moment, she was trapped into thinking she would have to marry Ryder for appearance sake. It was a pity each of the four didn't know of the others' dilemma.

Randy and Jerry always suspected that it was Ryder who was behind Rhonda's sudden appearance in catching the two of them in an "unnatural" act down by the river. They wanted some kind of revenge. The first thing they did was call the local radio station after school and Randy had disguised his voice to the DJ, saying he was Bret and wanted to dedicate a tune to his one and only love, Marge. Unaware, that he was being used in a devious plot, the local DJ made a special dedication announcement to Marge from Bret and followed it with the old record, "My Boyfriend's Back and your gonna be in trouble..." The whole town heard it since it came from Lumpkin's only radio station. Jerry and Randy were driving down the road just passing the old Moy Plantation when they heard it and squealed with delight. It wasn't much of a vengeful act, but it was a start. Being "caught" had not stopped their sexual activity. As a matter of fact, David Little had joined them in their promiscuous antics and they were now enjoying a threesome, hopefully with more members from the football team to follow. Heck, all girls were destined to remain virgins until they were married, so what was a guy to do with his sexual frustration? Masturbation was fun, but it was better with a partner...just so long as you didn't get caught. Jerry and Randy had already suffered those consequences once.

Lois, Marge's mother, was busy ironing when she heard the announcement on her tiny portable radio. She only hoped that Chad, her husband who never approved of Marge dating Bret, hadn't heard his radio in the truck. Privately, Marge loved it. She knew that Bret hadn't had the song played for her, but it gave her a glow thinking that he had. Bret and Ryder were both furious, but for different reasons. The rest of the town thought it was nice that Bret and Marge were going to get back together, but everyone wondered what was going to happen to Bret and his daddy after the incident at the funeral. The town was still buzzing about that episode...and to think...Aaron had shouted the "N" word in front of all those colored folks. Everyone believed the Lord worked in mysterious ways...but this event bordered on "Ripley's Believe It Or Not" column in the Stewart-Webster Journal.

Bret had wanted to go over to the Larrimore's and see Marge, but after the embarrassment that the song on the radio had produced, he thought it better to see her ONLY when Ryder was around, too. Bret knew it was hopeless trying to make amends with his dad. Now that Ryder was closer to learning the truth about the conflict between Bret and Aaron, Bret felt it was better to get Ryder out of Aaron's house before the whole truth was revealed. But if Ryder didn't come with him back to Atlanta, then where would Ryder go? The worse option would be for him to marry Marge and move into the Larrimore farm, but that would dash all hope and dreams of the two boys getting together in a more permanent relationship.

Ryder knew without a doubt that it was Randy and Jerry who had phoned the radio station with the "request" and he had a score to settle with them. So, he left his job around 4:30 and charged over to Kidwell's Emporium where he knew that the two of them would be shooting pool, which was their after school pastime. He peered through the window and yep!, there they were! Ryder bolter through the door and yelled at them.

"Hey, asshole!" Ryder screamed at Randy. "Did you use your last dime to call the radio station?"

"What are you talking about...and who are you calling an asshole?" Randy shouted, holding his ground with a cue stick in his hand.

"I'm talking to you, you little cocksucker, you and your cocksucking little boyfriend...THAT'S WHO!!!"

Ryder made a lunge at Randy while at the same time, Jerry swung the cue stick he was holding at the back of Ryder's head. It was either Ryder's sixth sense or natural reflexes that made him duck and the end of the stick missed Ryder and landed solidly in Randy's chest with a thud. Randy bent forward in pain catching Ryder's knee in his face, cracking his nose.

"My God, Ryder!" Jerry screamed. "Look what you made me done!"

"You want the same thing done to you? Then come on...you little bastards. You thought it was so smart to call and request a tune for my girl pretending you were her old boyfriend! You've got the whole town thinking Bret and Marge are getting back together. Is that all you could find to amuse yourself? Why didn't the two of you tell Oscar over at the radio station that you wanted to invite everyone in ear's reach to come down to the riverbank and watch the two of you give an exhibition in cocksucking? What's the matter? Couldn't the two of you think of a song to request for that? Maybe you should have dedicated the same song to David Little and let him know that 'My boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble'?" Ryder sang.

"How did you know about David Little?" Jerry asked, without thinking that his question was also an admission.

"This is a small town, or did you forget? Everybody knows everything about everybody!!" Ryder remarked. "It wouldn't surprise me if you didn't get a visit from the Klan one weekend real soon. They don't have many colored folks to burn crosses in their yards any more, but I bet they could burn one in the front yard of a couple of cocksuckers!...Whaddya think?"

Ryder didn't know why he was exposing them like this when he was just as guilty as they or even more so by doing the same kind of things with Bret. Only, he and Bret hadn't been caught, whereas Randy's and Jerry's finagling was common knowledge. It's just that no one talked about it because no one wanted to believe that Lumpkin had two queers living in their midst. Ryder felt he had done all that he planned for revenge and he left Kidwell's with Jerry attending to Randy's bleeding nose.

As Ryder was leaving, he saw Bret standing outside the door.

"What was all the commotion?" Bret asked him.

"Nothing much, I was just playing a little friendly game of pool with a couple of song requesters." Ryder said.

"Oh, you heard that, too?"

"The whole town did!" Ryder said.

"You KNEW it wasn't me..."

"Of course I knew...the town didn't...but they do now!"

"Did I hear you yelling in there calling them cocksuckers?"

"Yep!"

"What if they called us that?" Bret asked, making sure no one could hear him,

"They don't know anything about us...but if they did, I'd probably shoved a cue stick up their asses. They're used to having something stuck up there. by now."

"Damn, Ryder, I've never seen you so mad."

"I just didn't want to see you or Marge hurt by a couple of assholes playing a prank."

"Could I ask if you did it mostly for Marge or for me?"

"Both of you, I guess."

"You love her, don't you, Ryder?"

"I didn't say that!"

"You didn't have to...I can see it in your eyes...I just wonder if you love me, too?"

"I told you, didn't I?"

"What if you had to make a choice between the two of us?...Who'd win?...Me or Marge?" Bret asked, hesitantly.

"Bret, let's don't start that, now...please!"

"I just need to know. If I were to leave for Atlanta tonight, would you go with me or stay here with Marge?"

"I told you, I can't make a decision that quick. You know how I feel about you, but you know I just can't up and leave on a moment's notice. If I were to come live with you in Atlanta, it'd have to be later. I couldn't leave tonight, if that's what you wanted."

"I'm afraid to leave without you. You stay here and you'll get bogged down like the rest of the people in Lumpkin and you'll never leave. You'll wind up marrying Marge and havin' a bunch of kids and be miserable the rest of your life. What if I made another play for Marge and asked her to come with me to Atlanta? What then? You know she'd go in a minute just to get the fuck out of this two-bit town!"

"I'm not so sure." Ryder said.

"You mean you're not so sure she'd go with me or you're not so sure I could win her back?"

"Both."

"Want me to prove it to you?" Bret bragged.

"Suppose she said 'yes' and went with you...then where would you be...now that you told me you prefer men to women?"

"If she did come, that's one way I have of getting you to go, too."

"You mean, the three of us living together? That'd never work! You'd have to tell her about us...and then what? She and I could take turns fucking you every other night?"

"Not necessarily...she could fuck you and YOU could fuck me."

"You're out of your mind!! Just get those crazy notions out of your head. I have to go over to her house and see her...you wanna come too?"

'Sure. I'll lay you odds I can get her to pay more attention to me than she will to you...I'm willing to make that bet, even though you've fucked her and I never have."

"Don't go throwing that up in my face. I'm not proud that I did. If you hadn't've run off, I never would've."

"I know...I eventually would've and you might've been begging me to go to Atlanta or somewhere else with you." Bret said, halfway joking...but only halfway because it wasn't too far-fetched to be true.

On the way to the Larrimore farm, Ryder described his fight with Randy and Jerry in play-by-play detail. The whole thing amused Bret because he'd never had a "white knight" to defend his honor. The noise from Ryder's truck alerted the Larrimores they were about to have company as soon as Ryder turned down the dirt road leading to the house. Jem was the first to hear it and yelled to Marge when he saw there was someone in the truck besides Ryder.

"Hey, Marge...Whoo ooh..."Jem sang mockingly, "Your boyfriend's back with your old boyfriend and are you gonna be in trouble". He laughed at his own joke.

"Shut up, Jem Larrimore, and mind your own business!" Marge yelled back at her younger brother as she came onto the porch to meet Ryder.

"I wonder what Bret would say if I told him what I saw you and Ryder doin' in the barn?" Jem taunted.

"And I wonder what Daddy would say if I told him what you do in your room every night when you go to bed?" She snapped back.

"How do you know what I do?"

"Because I saw you, smartie!"

"You did not!"

"Did too! I even saw you lick your fingers clean when you got through. Boy, if Daddy knew, you'd be the topic of his Sunday sermons for a month...and then the whole town would know about you and your perverted ways." Marge said, hoping that would shut Jem up.

"All right, I promise not to say nothin' if you don't...And stay out of my room!"

"I will...I mean it really wasn't a lot to see. Your thing is so tiny, I'm surprised you don't pee on yourself when you're trying to find it."

"You just shut up, Marge. It gets a lot bigger when I want it to." Jeb bragged.

"Well, just keep on doin' what you do every night and you soon won't be able to see it. I heard of a boy in Albany who played with himself so much, he went blind...then there's those awful warts that grow on your fingers. Daddy'll have to buy you a seein' eye dog and some wart medicine if you keep it up."

"Aw, go on. You're just tryin' to scare me about somethin' you don't know nothin' about!"

"I do too...and to prove it, I'm gonna buy you a tin cup so you can sit on the curb downtown on Saturdays and beg for money to buy dog food for your dog."

"Marge, if you don't shut up. I'll write a letter to Bret and not sign it, tellin' him about you and Ryder in the barn." Jem said, running into the house.

"OK, OK, I'll stop...but just remember you were the one who started it. Marge said, calling to him in the house.

Their argument ended just as Ryder and Bret got out of the truck. Luckily, neither one of them had heard the content of the quarrel, but there was nothing said that both Ryder and Bret already knew about.

"Hi, beautiful." Ryder said to Marge.

"Hello, Ryder...Bret..."

"Hi, Marge" Bret said in a soft tone. If you liked girls they way he should've, then Marge was beautiful. There was no girl in Stewart or Webster counties to compare to her. But since he had returned, Marge was no longer the object of his affection, but rather she had become the competition for the affection he sought from Ryder.

"Bret, would you forgive my being rude if I asked you to go inside and get us all three a glass of lemonade from Momma while I talk to Ryder? I need to say a few things to him in private, if you don't mind."

"No, I don't mind. Do you want some lemonade, Ryder?"

"Huh?...Oh, yeah...sure...thanks." Ryder replied.

Bret gave Ryder a pat on the butt and winked at Marge as he went into the house.

"What's up, baby face?" Ryder asked, leaning over to kiss Marge on the cheek.

"Please, Ryder, we don't have much time before Bret gets back and I've got a lot to say to you."

"This sounds serious, baby. What's wrong?"

"I was gonna call you and talk to you on the phone....then I thought I'd write you a letter...and then Alma died suddenly...and Bret came home...and my feelin's were all mixed up...and ..well.."

"Are you tryin' to say you wanna get back together with Bret?" Ryder asked, nervously;

"No, Ryder...I'm late."

"For what?" Ryder asked innocently.

"Not that kind of 'late'...you know...LATE!...my period..."

"What does that mean?...You're havin' some kind of female problem or somethin'?"

"No, Ryder. I think I'm gonna have a baby...YOUR baby." she said as quietly as possible.

"Mine?...But how?...I mean we only did it that one time which lasted about a whole five minutes in the barn."

"Ryder, it don't even take five minutes to make a baby."

"But I pulled out. I didn't get any stuff inside you."

"Sometimes it don't matter whether you pull out or not just as long as the man's thing is wet." she said, almost beginning to cry.

"Where did you learn that?"

"I heard some girls talking one time in gym class...and sometimes a man's thing oozes out this liquid to make it go into a woman easier and there can be sperm cells in that before a man has to pull out."

"And how do you know it's mine?" Ryder asked.

"You didn't have to ask that." She replied, "because you're the only boy who's ever done it to me and just that one time."

"Good gosh, Marge, I don't know what to say...OF COURSE, I'll marry you. You don't have to worry about that. I mean if the kid's mine...I want him to be mine and nobody else's."

"I knew that's what you'd say, Ryder, you're a good boy and you always do the right thing...and I do think you love me, don't you?"

"Of course I love you...You love me, too, don't you?" Ryder asked.

"Not as much as you love me, I'm sure...but in time, I'll learn to love you. Now, please, Momma and Daddy don't know...neither does Jem...and for heaven's sake, I don't want Bret to know anything about this...Agreed?"

"Yes, I agree, I won't say anything...but we have a lot more to talk about later." Ryder said.

"I know...Call me later tonight, you hear?"

"Yeah, I'll call you around nine."

Needless to say, Ryder was shaken by the news and was standing in a stupor as Bret returned with a tray containing three glasses filled with ice and pitcher of freshly made lemonade.

"Boy, you two look like you've had a big fight!" Bret said, "I just hope it wasn't over me."

"No, well, it was and it wasn't. Marge was askin' me if I knew why Aaron screamed at you at your mom's funeral and I was tellin' her 'no'". Ryder lied.

"I 'spect everyone's wonderin' the same thing, but like I told you...it ain't nobody's business. It's between me and Dad and nobody else."

Marge and Ryder were both relieved that Bret had believed the lie Ryder had just told him. As the three of them stood there talking and drinking lemonade, each looked at the other two, trying to read thoughts and assess the feelings each one had toward the other. Ryder was glad he wasn't foolish enough to bet Bret about taking Marge away from him, for he could see in her eyes she still loved Bret. Bret sensed something had been said while he was in the house as both Ryder and Marge were acting strange when they looked at each other. God, what a messy triangular relationship. The three of them desired each other for different reasons.

"Can you two stay for dinner?" Marge asked.

"Naw, I really shouldn't." Bret said. "Mae was fixin' somethin' special for me tonight and I don't want to disappoint her...Ryder, would you mind taking me to Mae's house?"

"That's no problem." Ryder replied. "I need to go home and see what kind of mood Aaron's in now. He changes from one minute to the next."

"Don't tell me about my dad's moods. I lived with him a long time before you moved in." Bret said to Ryder.

"Sweetheart, thanks for the invite, but if it's all right, I'll go ahead and take Ryder to Mae's and then I'll call you later on, tonight." Ryder said, leaning in to kiss Marge's cheek.

"All right...good night, Bret. Don't be afraid to come over any time you want as long as you're here. Momma and Dad harbor no ill feelings against you." Marge said, giving Bret a hug.

"I will, provided it's OK with Ryder."

"Feel free. I trust both of you...So long, sweetheart."

"Bye," she said as the two boys got into Ryder's truck. They were all the way down the dirt driveway and onto the highway before either of them said a word.

"What did she have to say that was so important while I had to go get lemonade?" Bret asked.

"I don't think you want to know." Ryder replied.

"I do or I wouldn't've asked."

"All right...here comes the bad news. Marge thinks she's pregnant and the baby's mine."

"Jesus! Are you for real?"

"That's what she told me."

"Whacha gonna do...marry her?"

"If I have to."

"What about us?"

"Bret, as much as I care about you, if I have to marry Marge...there is no more 'us'."

"DAMN!" Bret exclaimed. "Boy, when things start goin' wrong, it seems everything falls apart at the same time."

"You're tellin' me." Ryder agreed.

"Why the fuck couldn't I get pregnant...and then you'd have to marry me?"

"'cause you're not a girl."

"What if I were able to have your baby? Would you marry me?"

"Of course."

"Is there any chance of the two of you comin' to live with me in Atlanta?"

"Bret, we went through all that before I found out Marge was expecting and you know the three of us living together just won't work."

"Goddammit. There's GOT to be a way...I just can't give you up this easily."

"You did when you ran off." Ryder reminded him. "Now that I've told you my secret, are you ready to tell me yours?"

"I suppose I might as well."

"Thank God, at last." Ryder said.

"Before I tell you what happened, I have to confess somethin' to you."

"OK, we're best friends...brothers...lovers...whatever...you can tell me anything, you know that." Ryder said in anticipation.

"Well....while you and I were having sex or learnin' how to love one another...I...I...wasn't exactly faithful to you."

"YOU WHAT?"

"Now don't go gettin' excited or I'll stop here and not tell you the rest."

"I HAVE to know the rest...I thought it was just you and me...no one else. God knows, I never did anything with anyone else...Who was it?...Randy?...Jerry?...Who?"

"I wish it had been Randy or Jerry."

"Then who was it?"

Bret held his breath and bit his tongue a long time before answering.

"It was Nate."

"NATE?!!!"

"You were havin' sex with a Negro?"

"Yes...but that's not all..."

"WHO, FOR CHRISSAKES?"

"Not who...but what and where...It was around ten o'clock the night I left. Nate had finished his chores and was washin' up in the barn. I went out to talk to him. He and I had done things to each other about twice or three times...but never around the farm. You had already gone to bed and so had Momma and Dad, so Nate and I thought we'd be safe with the barn door closed to fool around and relieve some tension...We didn't take off our clothes, we just dropped our jeans and Nate already had a boner so I thought I'd do him first...So I got down on my knees and put his dick in my mouth. Neither one of us heard the barn door open...but it did...and the next thing we knew, my Dad was screamin' and shoutin' at the top of his lungs at what he saw us doin'. He said he was goin' in the house and get his shotgun to kill Nate and for me to pack whatever things I wanted but to get out of his house...then he changed his mind. He told me to get the hell out of Lumpkin. I was so scared I grabbed whatever clothes I could and ran out the back door. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to Momma. I don't think I could've faced her anyhow. Nate ran off as fast as he could and I ran down the road to get away from Dad. I walked all the way into town and went to the Trailways bus station and hid in one of the stalls in the men's room until I could get on the first bus leaving the next morning, which happened to be going to Macon."

"God damn! No wonder Aaron was so mad at you. You know everyone in the county thinks he's the Worthy Master of the Klan. God! I'm surprised he didn't kill you and Nate both." Ryder said, still in shock.

"What we did was something I couldn't tell anybody...not even you. If Momma had found out, it would've killed her. That's the first thing I thought of when I heard she'd had a heart attack. I just knew I was to blame. I hated myself for killing my own mother. I started NOT to come home for her funeral, but what kind of boy doesn't come to say a final goodbye to his mother? I thought I'd take a chance with Dad. If he got mad and killed me...well, then, I deserved it. I knew I'd be safe as long as I was in a crowd of people. Not even my daddy would be stupid enough to shoot me in front of witnesses...but then I thought, if the town knew the real reason he'd thrown me out of the house, then the townspeople might turn on me and lynch me. All went well until after the funeral when Nate sneaked up on me outside the church and Daddy saw Nate and me together again. I was never so scared in my life...not so much for me...but for Nate. Dad was angry enough to kill him with his bare hands."

"I know...I saw...but I didn't understand...not until now." Ryder said, quietly..."But DAMN, BRET! How could you be so stupid? You were going steady with Marge. You were having sex with me...Weren't the two of us enough for you that you had to go off and start something with Nate...I just can't believe you'd do something like that." Ryder shouted.

"You mean, have an affair? Or have an affair with a black person?"

"BOTH! GODDAMMIT!! BOTH!!!"

"I'm sorry, Ryder."

"YOU OUGHTA BE!"

"I don't know what I would've done if I had been the one who caught you...I might've been mad enough to shoot both of you, myself! It makes me sick to think of you putting Nate's dick in your mouth...TELL ME! Did you ever have sex with me and him, the same night?"

"I don't remember...I don't think so."

"God! I hope not."

"Damn, Ryder, you're just as big a bigot as my daddy. I thought we saw everything eye to eye."

"Yeah, but you didn't see me ever stick a black dick in my mouth!"

"And you didn't see me, either."

"It sounds just as bad as if I HAD seen it."

"I guess you feel a lot different about me now." Bret said.

"You're damned right I do...God, Bret, this is just too hard for me to believe."

"I said I'm sorry, What do you want me to do...go in and see if Mae has a shotgun and bring it out for YOU to shoot me?"

"You'd better not for your own safety."

"Well, you've heard the whole story and what's done is done. I can't go back and undo it, so you'll just have to accept it or go on and hate me."

"I don't hate you...it's just that you hurt me without giving Marge or me a single thought."

"Maybe it would be best if I left town tomorrow."

"It might be best at that."

"I'll pack my few things tonight and see if Mae'll take me to the bus station, first thing in the morning."

"I'll take you. The less you say to her, the better off all of us will be." Ryder said.

Enough had been said by both of them. They remained quiet for the rest of the trip to Mae's farm. When they arrived, Bret got out of the truck and leaned back into the cab to say, "See ya in the mornin'...'bout seven?"

"Seven's fine...see ya." Ryder said as he slammed on the accelerator of the truck and sped back toward the highway, Ryder was glad he had saved his tears until after he'd left Bret. He cried loud and long. His face was streaked with tear stains. He'd heard enough tonight to last him a lifetime because between Marge's news and Bret's confession, Ryder's life would be changed forever. His hands trembled as he grasped the steering wheel. His eyes were so full he couldn't see the road in the night. Ryder pulled the truck off on the shoulder of the highway, dropped his head on the seat beside him and wept. He didn't know how long he'd sat there, but after much deliberation, he turned his truck around and headed once again toward Mae's.

Mae was surprised to see Ryder when she opened the door.

"Hello, Ryder. Have you had supper yet?"

"No, maam."

"Well come on in and fix yourself a plate. I've just put everything on the table."

"Well, I really came by to see Bret."

"Well, you can see him while you're eating with him. I was going to go to Emma's for the quiltin' bee and you two boys can have the house to yourselves."

"Thank you, maam. Supper would be nice. I am kinda hungry."

"Boys your age are always hungry. Eat what you can now while you're still growin' because when you eat a lot when you're older, you just get wider. Look at me. Why, when I was your age, I wore a size eight store bought dress and now...well...we won't say what size I wear now, but it's a lot bigger."

"You always look fine to me, Mrs. Bradley."

"Ryder, I'm gonna tell you like I told Bret, you're almost a full grown adult now, it's time you started calling me Mae. It don't seem right for you to be calling me Mrs. Bradley after all the years you've known me."

"Thank you, Mae."

"Now come on in and sit down with Bret at the table."

When Bret and Ryder looked at each other, each knew the other had been crying. They spoke casually. It was gonna take a mighty heap of acting to convince Mae that everything was all right between them. The town tongue wagger would have the time of her life if she had heard the conversation in Ryder's truck. The two boys handled the situation well with small talk and passing the bowls and bowls of freshly grown vegetables Mae had cooked. For dessert she reached into her refrigerator and got out a lemon ice box pie, which was just about every man's favorite.

In spite of their previous trauma, Ryder and Bret ate until their stomachs were bulging. A slice of pie was almost too much, but the two of them managed to go back for a second helping of the delicious dessert. When they were finished eating, Mae cleaned off the dining room table and the two boys offered to wash the dishes while Mae gathered up her needles, thimble, and cloth patches. Even though it was night time, she put on her straw hat which she always wore. It was her trademark. You could see her coming from a distance by the big floppy wide-brim hat.

Ryder washed while Bret dried.

"How are you feelin'?" Bret asked.

"Better...You?"

"I'm OK. I wish you knew how sorry I am."

"I did some thinkin'." Ryder replied, "and I may be hurt and mad, but I forgive you. I don't want you to go off to Atlanta in the morning carrying hard feeling between us."

"I thank you for that. I really have no excuse for what I did with Nate. It just sorta happened...probably the way things sorta happened between you and Marge. I don't think if you'd known she'd get pregnant, you'd've done the thing you did."

"You're right on that score." Ryder said. "Bret...I'm scared. I love Marge and all but I don't want to get married right now. I can hardly pay for my keep with your daddy...and I sure as hell can't afford a wife and a baby. The only choice I have is to move in with the Larrimores and I'll be there the rest of my life, or at least until Lois and Chad die. Jem will probably get drafted in a few years and once he gets a taste of the outside world, he won't ever come back to Lumpkin. So I guess Marge's parents will leave their farm to her which means I gotta become a farmer whether I want to or not."

"God, you've got it all figured out and your future seems gloomy."

"What future? I ain't go no real future, just the one I mapped out for myself that stupid night I got Marge pregnant."

"Any chance she might wanna get rid of the baby or have it adopted or something?"

"Hell, no! Once her family finds out she's gonna have their grandbaby, then that's all she wrote...Can I tell you somethin'?"

"You mean there's something more you haven't told me already?" Bret asked, finishing drying the last dish.

"Just this...I wanna come with you."

"You mean to Atlanta?"

"Yes."

"When...some time later?"

"Nope, in the morning."

"And just leave everything in the mess it's in?"

"Sure...why not...I told you I did some thinkin' before I came back here to Mae's."

"And what did you decide?"

"I know now that I love you...not Marge. I feel guilty and responsible for what I did, but she don't love me...and never will. She loves you. I can see it in her eyes. I realized getting close to her was just another way of getting closer to you. I didn't fuck her...I was fuckin' you."

"Damn, Ryder, you just seem to make things worse with everything you say."

"If the thing with Marge hadn't happened, I should've left Lumpkin long ago. I don't have any folks or kin living here. I surely couldn't spend the rest of my life with your daddy...without you there. Until I learned about the baby, I really had nothing to keep me here at all. If I had known where you were, I would've left and been there in two shakes of a lamb's tail."

"Well, whaddya want to do?" Bret asked.

"I don't know...one thing...if Mae would let me, I'd love to spend the night here with you...like old times."

"I would like that too...Mae won't mind. Just before you got here she made a remark that she didn't know how in the world you could live there with Daddy...especially after the spectacle he made of himself at Momma's funeral. That's why I'm sure she'll understand if you spend the night with me. After all most folks think of us as brothers."

"You won't have second feelings in the morning if I stay?"

"I'll probably have a lot of feelings...good feelings."

"Me, too."

"You wanna go to bed, right now?"

"Only after you let me kiss you." Ryder said as he embraced Bret and gently placed his lips on Bret's. Both bodies trembled and then a warm wave of relief washed over them. They knew this was meant to be. They loved each other and to hell with everything. Nothing else mattered.

Bret took Ryder's hand and led him upstairs to his bedroom where they undressed each other, lay down, and made love all night long. They tried every kind of sex they knew, to show each other how much they cared.

When Mae came home, she saw Ryder's truck and went upstairs to see that Bret's door was closed. She didn't bother them. She just let the best friends get a good night's sleep.

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(To be continued in Chapter Four)