If Love Were All

All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language, please exit now.

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IF LOVE WERE ALL

by

Ritch Christopher

with literary enhancement by

Les Martin

Chapter Nine

"DON'T RAIN ON MY PARADE!"

Lake Credence, a summer resort conveniently close to Holyfield and other surrounding Boston suburbs, was more like a ghost town/forest/lake from the Tuesday after Labor Day until the first day of spring. Scott and Buddy wanted to be alone, away from everything and everybody, so as to continue their surreptitious liaisons. Both their lives had almost been destroyed by Louise (Lulu) Drummond. The two had learned their lesson about being careful, especially Buddy, since he carrying added tension, not knowing if he was HIV positive, and he now carried a minimum of two condoms in his billfold.

Buddy hadn't heard from Dr. Alford about the 'quick' test and realized that he was at a loss for words to tell Scott that there was a possibility he might be infected as well. But until he got confirmation either way, Buddy decided not to mention his physical exam to Scott. Buddy had had no reservations about going to a motel to be with his band director. 'Let's face it', he thought, 'being a nineteen-year-old virgin (except glory hole in the bookstore), this had been my first and only opportunity for gay sex.' His wait for romances and flings was far overdue for someone his age. Buddy was a handsome young man, never a wallflower. He had an athletic best friend, Clint, and that relationship, he told himself, vouched for his pseudo-heterosexuality. Still, he didn't date girls but used his position as drum major of the marching band as an excuse. No drum major dared to date a female band member because if would obviously show favoritism and thus create jealousy, indicating partiality to the other female members who cocked an eye at their leader.

Before his afternoon interlude with Clint, Buddy had had no opportunity to explore his sexual desires or wiles until the brief encounter in Scott's office which had led to his first lovemaking session in the motel. 'First sex' had instantly, manifested into 'first love' with Buddy's feelings toward Scott. Scott, in return, had had absolutely no sexual outlet since Kathy, his wife, had locked her legs, denying Scott entrance for several years...plus the ironic fact that Buddy reminded Scott, physically at least, of his first and only gay lover, Clay Lawson, years ago in Florida.

So, both of them being willing and horny, they had rushed at the chance to meet at the motel for sex but with no concious thoughts of falling in love. With all the pressures at the Browne and Parsons' households, both of them were eager to meet and further bond their relationship, not to mention that it could ease an immense amount of tension and sexual frustration built up over the past few days.

So on Tuesday, the day following Buddy's doctor's appointment, the weather seemed to cooperate with their situation by beginning to rain. It had begun on Monday and rained even harder the next day. The band was quite proficient in their music chosen for Saturday's routine, but the weather made it impossible to go on the field and practice...and so band practice was cancelled for two-o'clock. Suddenly Scott and Buddy found they would have over three hours to find a private place to make love and further their relationship. Scott had chosen Lake Credence since it would be deserted. Fifty yards away from the lake was a long row of log cabins. Many of them had built in fireplaces that the resorters used to barbecue when it rained during the summer.

When Scott and Buddy arrived, they chose one of the cabins with a chimney. Scott jimmied the padlock on the door until he got it open and the two of them entered. The last people to use the cabin had left it tidy and neat with fresh linens on the bed and even a dozen pieces of wood cut from a pine log. Having no umbrellas or parkas, Buddy and Scott did get a bit drenched running from the car and standing outside until Scott managed to unlock the door.

The afternoon autumn chill was much colder standing there in wet clothing. Scott suggest that Buddy remove his soaking duds and take the folded army blanket from the foot of the bed, and wrap it around himself while Scott started a small fire in the fireplace. After their session in the motel, Buddy found himself unembarrassed and completely at ease about undressing in front of Scott...although Scott DID managed, out of the corner of his eye, to witness Buddy's entire strip tease.

The fire, now lit, sent waves of warmth and dancing light over Buddy, standing in the middle of the room stark naked. When Scott turned around, he couldn't decide if he felt more heat from the fireplace or from Buddy's beautiful body in front of him. Once again, Scott's eyes and memories tricked his perception...for Scott, as in their first time together, watched Buddy transform into Clay. Scott felt himself drwan to Buddy, moving as though pulled by an irresistible magnet. He folded Buddy in his arms and kissed him deeply and passionately on the lips.

"God, you're beautiful!" Scott exclaimed.

"The best thing I can say about you, Scott, is that I like the wet clothes your wearing. I can't see your body and I'm aching to do just that for starters!"

"Oh, gee, I'm sorry. I just took one look at you and forgot about the whole world!"

"Here, let's see if there's a clean towel in the bathroom and then I'll get you a blanket like mine!"

"WhoHooHoo...!" Scott exclaimed with a shiver as he removed his wet shirt, "it's just too cold for this early in the fall."

"Stand nearer the fire," Buddy replied, "I don't want you getting sick...and then maybe me getting sick, too."

"Good idea!" Scott quickly removed the rest of his clothes. Then Buddy stood on tiptoe to dry Scott's hair. Next, he proceeded to use the towel all the way down Scott's musclular body, stopping to give special attention to Scott's crotch area, which responded with an instant boner.

"I see part of you is warming up at least!" Buddy remarked with a wicked grin.

"Looking at you would make me hot down there even in a blizzard!"

"I...I mean that much to you, Scott?"

"You have no idea how much you mean to me!"

"I think I DO have an idea if it's the way I feel about you."

Buddy knelt to finish toweling Scott's calves, ankles, and feet.

"Buddy, I'm afraid I've reluctantly been too much a coward to ask what's been happening at your house since Lulu's phone call to your mother."

"Mom's still in the hospital."

"I'm sorry to hear that for I fear it was my lust for you that helped put her there."

"Scott, please don't worry about it. No doubt Lulu's phone call about the motel incident had something to do with it, but so many other things happened that I think our episode was far down the list."

"Things worse than that happened to your mom?"

"I wouldn't say 'worse', maybe 'equal'."

"Have her feelings toward you noticeably changed?"

"Some at first, but when she caught me in the bed with Toby, my twelve-year-old brother, that's what made her go bonkers!"

"Jesus, Buddy! You weren't actually...?"

"Of course not! I'd think, considering our relationship, you'd know that I'd never have sex with a minor, especially not my kid brother, who, incidentally, I love more than life itself. You see, Toby had just learned how to masturbate and he was in his bedroom with the door closed, having a jolly old time when Mom walked in and caught him."

"Damn, I bet that's happened to nearly all guys no matter how we try to keep our private moments secret."

"When Mom saw him, she pitched a fit and shamed him into the middle of next week. Toby was all but ready to kill himself! So when Mom went to her bedroom to cry and get over the shock, I went into Toby's room to comfort him. I lay on his bed and put my arms around him and he began to settle down until Mom walked in again and found me in the bed with Toby and naturally, after remembering Lulu's call, Mom assumed I was molesting him. THAT's what put her in the hospital for her nerves."

"It seems your family had a lot happen in one day..."

"I didn't mention that my middle brother, Marc, got himself and his girlfriend high on pot andthen got her pregnant!"

"Good grief! What about your dad, did he fall apart, too.?"

"No, he seemed to be a little upset but broke down later in the kitchen after he revealed to me that he used to have a gay lover."

"WHAT?"

"Yep, it seemed that my whole house turned completely upside down in a matter of a few hours."

"I hate to ask...but did anything else possibly happen...not as if that wasn't enough?"

Buddy paused for a second before answering, "Yeah, Scott...one more thing DID happen, only I didn't want to tell you about it."

"Something worse?"

"Maybe, where you and I are concerned..."

"Want to tell me now?"

"I...really don't know how to put this...but later that night, Clint, my best friend, came over to see me."

"Clint? That's Lulu's boyfriend?"

"Yeah, Clint and I've been best buddies since we were kids. After all that had happened, I was really upset and depressed and Scott came into my room to talk, you know, the way best friends do? Well, I was really emotional and soon Clint got emotional too...and well, he got on the bed with me...and both of us emotions got carried away emotionally and we started embracing, and fooling around,...and I guess we went too far...and Dad and Toby walked in on Clint and me...and that was the last straw."

"Can I ask...do you have strong feelings for Clint?"

"Not the way I do for you. Clint and I love each other, but it's always been just close friendship. Clint's not gay...or at least I didn't think he was...and then when you and I agreed to cool it for a few days, I got mixed up on how I felt about whom. I wasn't sure how I felt about Clint after that night...until this afternoon and now."

"And what's your decision?"

"If I didn't love you more than Clint, I wouldn't be with you now. I've decided it's YOU that I love most."

"Buddy, I'm not sorry that you went to bed with Clint. I'm rather glad you did. When I realized that that afternoon between us at the motel was your first time, I felt guilty afterward that you'd never made love or at least had sex with guys your age. I don't doubt my love for you, but making love with one of your peers is a lot different than making love to an older person like me."

"WHY? You're certainly more experienced, you can teach me much more than guys my age who are still in the process of learning the things you already know."

"Then you're still certain that I'm the man you want?"

"More than ever, Scott! You fill many needs in my life...you're lover, mentor, friend, and, I guess, surrogate dad."

"Then let's not waste any more of the afternoon, 'son'. Let's go to bed and I'll teach you a few things more..."

"I'd love that."

Scott pulled down the sheets of the raw pine-posted bed and the two of them crawled into it and made love nonstop for two hours as the rain resounded loudly on the tin roof. He didn't seem to mind but became rather pleased when Buddy insisted that they both wear condoms.

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Clint looked more like Bambi than Bambi's mother in the headlights of an oncoming locomotive when his mother, Vivian Walters, confronted him with the conversation she had just had with Lulu.

"Geez, Mom, what did she want?"

"Do you have to read my mind? I think you already know why she called."

"Could be for a number of reasons, Mom."

"What about you and her breaking up?"

"Oh, that..."

"Yes, 'THAT' for starters, young man."

"I was gonna tell you, Mom, honest, only it didn't seem important at the time..."

"Then when was it going to reach the height of importance for you to tell me or your dad? Does your dad know?"

"No..."

"Clint, you and Lulu have been going steady most of your teen years. Your dad and I always assumed that one day the two of you would get married."

"Sorry, Mom, but I guess you and Dad assumed wrong."

"Oh?"

"Mom, Lulu has changed since she entered college. She's not the same, 'Lulu', I dated in high school."

"I guess it's wrong for me to presume that your relationship with Lulu has gone further than first base by now?"

"No, you're right on that score, Mom. If you want to talk baseball, Lulu and I have been hitting homeruns for several years now."

"You...you were wearing...a...a catcher's mitt all those times, I hope?"

"Go ahead and say it, Mom, CONDOMS! Yes, she and I were always safe."

"Thank God for that! That's all we need is for you and her to have to interrupt your college education by raising a little 'Walters'."

"No, Mom, the last thing I need or want is to have a kid right now."

"At least you haven't lost all your senses...or have you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Clint, in all your life, I've never known you to lie to me or your dad, not even once, so what I'm about to ask you, well, I hope this won't occasion your first lie."

"You're right there, too, Mom. I've never lied."

"Then I hope you won't begin if I ask you if Buddy Browne is gay?"

"Is that what Lulu told you?"

"Yes."

"That bitch!"

"Clint, how dare you use such a word to me...and calling your sweetheart by that name."

"Excuse me, Mom, but that's what she is...a fucking bitch!"

"Oh, dear Lord, what language!"

"Well, if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, you can't call it a turkey...and Lulu is a bitch...there's no other name to call her!"

"You DIDN'T answer my question...IS BUDDY BROWNE GAY?"

"Mom, even if he was, it's not my place to say it. It's none of my business any more than it is yours."

"Your answer only denotes that you're trying to avoid the truth and that he probably IS, otherwise you'd have denied it immediately!"

"Mom, so what if he is? It's his own cross to bear...not mine, yours, or especially that bitch, Lulu's!"

"Clint, she accused you of having homosexual relations with Buddy! Can you deny that?"

"What is Lulu, a member of the CIA or Homeland Security? She has no idea what, if anything, happens when Buddy and I are alone."

"You evading the issue again, Clint. NOW I WANT A STRAIGHT ANSWER!"

Buddy was boiling inside by now. If he could get his hands on Lulu right now, he'd strangle her.

"MOM, WHAT DO YOU WANT? DO YOU WANT TO KNOW IF BUDDY SUCKED MY COCK? DO YOU WANNA KNOW IF I SUCKED HIS IN RETURN?"

"Buddy, I warned you about taking such a tone with me...and for God's sake, don't use that word again."

"THE ANSWER IS 'YES', MOM, TO BOTH! BUDDY AND I BOTH SUCKED EACH OTHER'S COCKS! Does that mean he's gay? YES, I suppose it does. Does it mean that I'M gay? I...I haven't decided yet. I only know that I love Buddy...MORE than I do Lulu and I don't know what it means!"

"Oh, dear Jesus, take my life and let me rest in the haven of your breast!"

"Mom, please!"

"GEORGE!" Vivian screamed for her husband.

"Yes, dear," George answered, entering the living room with his nightly newspaper in hand.

"George, I want you to deal with your son...!"

"Clint, what's your mother so upset about?"

"Dad, I..."

"Don't hem and haw around the bushes, tell him, Clint! Be sure and use the same four-letter words you shouted at me!"

"You cursed at your mother, Clint?"

"Yes, sir, I guess I did!"

"You realize, Clint, that that calls for some kind of punishment?"

"Yes, sir."

"I...I really don't know what to do. When you were a little boy, it was so easy to make you suck on a bar of soap when you said a dirty word, but now that you're eighteen, I think that's a little passé. You're too big to spank. I can't really ground you since you need your car to go to morning and evening classes at college."

"Dad, doesn't the accused have the right to a trial before sentence is passed?"

"I suppose so. Vivian, did Clint do more than just curse at you?"

"He certainly did, George, he managed to take my life away from me. Just wait, yours will be gone too when you learn the reason!"

"Well, do I have to go get a gavel to officially call this hearing opened or do I just stand in the middle of the living room like some blithering imbecile? What did Clint do, Vivian?"

"Dad, I broke up with Lulu!", Clint interrupted.

"Good God! Is that all? Is that the crisis I'm supposed to execute you over?"

"No, Dad, there's more, but I'd rather you hear it from me than just in bits and pieces from Mom."

"Vivian, why don't you go into the bathroom and take one of your pills and let me have a private talk with my son."

"Clint had better tell you EVERYTHING and I mean it...EVERY WORD or I'll tell it the way I see it!"

"Go on now. Leave me and Clint alone."

"Oh, Lord have mercy! My heart is broken!" Vivian sniveled as she left the living room.

"Now, son, sit down and calm yourself. I know your mother has upset you. I've only been in here a couple of minutes and I'm ready to jump through the nearest window. I think I'll choose that window right over there!" George said, pointing to the large picture window, trying to lighten the situation.

Clint sat down and caught his breath. "OK, Dad, I'm ready to talk."

"Fine! Now, let's begin with your so-called break-up with Lulu."

"Dad, it's not 'so-called'. I DID break up with her and at this minute, I hope I never see her again."

"Son, when I think back at the times I've gotten mad at your Mom..."

"I hope to God that Mom never does to you what Lulu did to me."

"Then let me hear ALL the facts. What did Lulu do?"

"Dad, she called Mom fifteen minutes ago and told her all kinds of lies about me and Buddy."

"That's odd."

"Tell ME!"

"What kinds of lies?"

"She told Mom that Buddy was gay and he and I had been having sex together for years."

"Good heavens! Lulu's a little wildcat, isn't she?"

"A wildcat with wolverine claws!"

"Sounds to me like your girlfriend is jealous about the yours and Buddy's friendship and she's trying to get even and get Buddy out of the picture."

"I'm glad you can see that, Dad! Mom certainly couldn't!"

"Clint, tell me son-to-father, man-to-man, is there an ounce of truth in what Lulu said to your mother?"

"Maybe partly..."

"Which part?"

"Well, Buddy has been wrestling with the idea that he might be gay."

"Do you think he is?"

"I...I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter to me whether he is or isn't! He's still my best friend...always has been and always will be."

"True friendship is rare, son. It's very admirable for you to stand up for your best friend even at the risk of losing your girlfriend in the deal! I guess I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, Dad."

"But that still doesn't explain why you used curse words at your mother."

"Dad, Mom chose to believe Lulu over me, her own son!"

"I can see why that would make you angry."

"And then some!"

"Tell me, has Buddy talked at length about his being..."

"Gay?"

"Yes."

"Yes, we talked about it."

"And did the talk lead to anything else?"

"Maybe...just a little."

"How little?"

"Dad, I'd rather not say."

"Pshaw! Son, don't you think I know what best friends do in private?"

"What do you mean?"

"Aw, am I going to have to be the one to say it out loud? Put the cards on the table, so to speak?"

"Well, I..."

"Son, don't you know that all best friends who are BEST friends like to get together and do things which society terms 'taboo'? Drink beer? Whiskey? Smoke a little pot? Get together at each other's houses for a weekend sleepover and have a circle jerk? See what it feels like to have oral sex or even further?"

"You...you did all those things yourself, Dad?"

"I'm human, aren't I? I'm a normal male, aren't I?"

"Yes, but..."

"I can see now what happened between you and your mom. Women don't understand male-bonding...never have and never will!"

"Dad, you had sex with your best friend...a guy?"

"With him and a lot more before I met your mother."

"But didn't you think it was gay or...queer?"

"Clint, I'm just like you are now. I wanted to try everything once...have as much fun as I could as long as my parents didn't find out about it...or run the risk of someone telling them...someone like Lulu."

"How long did this go on, Dad?"

"I don't remember...a few years, maybe. Then I met your mom and everything changed. I suddenly wanted to get married and have a son...and that's what happened."

"And you never did any of those things again after you married Mom?"

"No, but I have to admit, I DID miss them from time to time. You see, your mother was brought up the old-fashioned way with very old-fashioned parents. Women like your mom only know the 'missionary' position when it comes to sex. They never deviate from their set pattern. If ever I suggested that we try another position...you know from the back or on the side, she'd bitch and say I was perverted. Of course, oral sex was, then and now, totally unheard of by your mom. There were nights, during my first year of marriage, that my balls would ache for just one more good blowjob from my best friend. My GOD! He knew how to do it! I was never as good as he was when it came my time to blow him, but I did my damnedest to please him!"

"Dad, I just can't believe this!" Relief, mixed with confusion, washed over him in stunning waves. "How have you kept this secret all these years from Mom?"

"I swore to your mother on the day of our wedding that I would never cheat on her with another woman...and I've kept that promise to this day!"

"Oh....OH, wait a minute, Dad, you said 'WOMAN'! You didn't say that you wouldn't cheat on her with a man!"

"That's MY secret, Clint...and now that you know, it's got to be OUR secret!"

"Dad. you're a sly old fox! Why have you never said anything about this before?"

"I only learned about you and Buddy, just a few minutes ago."

"Then you're saying that...what Buddy and I did...there's nothing wrong with it?"

"Not in my eyes!"

"You know something? I've never felt closer to you than I do now, Dad."

"I'm glad, son. You're at the top of my totem pole, too."

"Dad, since we're talking so openly for the first time, let me propose something else to you..."

"I'm all ears..."

"Well, just suppose Buddy IS gay...and suppose I just found out that I might be too. Then what?"

"Then I'd expect you to become a bigger man and admit it...not try to hide it. You can't live your life being what you want to be, hiding in closets or in shadowed alleys. I'd be a bit disappointed knowing that I might not have a grandson. But if you decide you ARE and you find someone to love, I could be satisfied with an adopted grandson...as long as he had Walters as a surname."

"Dad, I'm not sure about the way I feel. I don't completely know if I'm gay but I want your permission to find out for myself without being shamed by you OR Mom until I DO find out."

"Do what you have to, Clint, and leave your mother to me."

"Think you can handle her?"

"Maybe, if I let her buy that new car she wants."

"Bribe her, you mean?" His grin only became bigger.

"Son, buying a car for your mother, when she really needs one, is a small price to pay for your happiness."

Buddy choked up and went to his dad to put his arms around George. George smiled a contented smile and patted Clint on his back.

"Clint, do you think Buddy's the one for you?"

"If he isn't, there's no one else."

"Do you love him?"

"I...I told him I did."

"What did Buddy say?"

"He said he loved me, but I wasn't really sure if he meant it."

"Oh?"

"Buddy's as just as inexperienced with gay life as I am. Oh, I'll confess, I've had plenty of sex with Lulu...but it meant nothing to me...not like when I was with Buddy our one and only time...and even then, we didn't get to finish because Buddy's dad walked in and caught us!"

"Uh, oh! What was Ted's reaction?"

"He...he excused himself and left."

"He didn't ask you to leave or try to throw you out of his house?"

"No, Dad, Mr. Browne seemed to accept it...as if he approved."

"I think that Ted Browne and I think alike. I wouldn't expect him to interrupt something personal with his son."

"There's just one problem."

"What's that?"

"Well, I told you about Buddy, being inexperienced..."

"Yes."

"Well, he had sex one time with one of the teachers at college and now he thinks he might be in love with the teacher...but that was before Buddy and I had sex! It was during that when he told me that he loved me. Now I guess he's in love with two of us and can't make up his mind."

"Clint? Is Buddy the one you want?"

"Yes, Dad. He is."

"Then fight for what you want. Fight like the man that you are! Don't take 'no' for an answer. True love doesn't come by often...sometimes only once, and don't live to regret ruining your chance by not making an effort to get real love the first time it appears."

"Thanks, Dad. I love you."

"I love you, Clint!"

Vivian returned to the living room and was extremely shocked to see her son and husband embracing, especially after the harsh treatment she'd encountered with Clint.

"That's a pretty family portrait, I must say," Vivian snarled. "Especially with me out of the picture!"

"You're welcome to come join us, Viv!"

"I'd rather drop dead than be touched by YOUR son after the things he yelled at me."

"Vivian, Clint told me his side of the story...EVERYTHING!"

"Clint, did you leave anything out?"

"No, Mom. I told Dad everything I knew to tell him..."

"Well, George! What are you going to do with him? What is his punishment?"

"Viv, you left it up to me to punish Clint, so it's my verdict and not yours, understand?"

"As long as the punishment fits the crime."

"Well, Viv, the crux of this situation is a matter of whether Buddy and our son are gay."

"So you DID tell him!" Her accusing look at her son was piercing.

"I told you that I did, Mom."

"And now? What's his punishment?"

"I...I think I want Clint to pursue his alleged accusation. I mean, if he has any doubt about being gay, I want him to find out for sure..."

"HOW, IF I MIGHT ASK?"

"I think I'll call Ted Browne and see if he and I can arrange for Clint and Buddy to spend the night together every night for one solid week and let them see how they really feel about being gay or how much they really mean to one another."

"GEORGE WALTERS! YOU'VE GONE TOTALLY INSANE!"

"No, Vivian, I passed that years ago, living with you."

"How dare you...?"

"Vivian, oh, shut up! What's happening between Clint and Buddy is the most important thing in both their lives and if no resolution is attempted to be made, two households will live under a cloud of doubt and mystery from now on."

"Dad, you want Buddy and me to..."

"Yes, son...for a WHOLE week and then, you, Buddy, and I will sit down and see where the space capsule landed."

"I...I'm having no part of this perversion!" Vivian screamed. "I'm going to bed."

"Don't forget to take your pills, Viv!"

"Go to Hell, George!"

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Ted felt like royalty visiting a trailer court when he entered Andy Panda's. There were several empty tables but in spite of his better judgment, he decided to 'go native' and sit at the bar. Willie Nelson or something was wailing on the juke box. He couldn't make out all the words of the song, but he definitely knew that Willie was 'Comin' Home', since the same lyrics were repeated forty or so times. Ted wished the Willie would soon get there and the song was change. Next, Patsy Cline filled the bar room with her rendition of "I Fall To Pieces" to which Ted nodded at the juke box as if to say, 'Me too, Patsy...been there, done that!"

The bartender walked over to Ted to take his order.

"What'll it be, sir?"

"Uh...I'll have a cocktail!"

"Very good sir, what kind would you like?"

"What do you have?" Ted asked, as if he were in Baskin-Robbins to hear of the many flavors.

"Well, we can start with what kind of liquor would you like me to use as a base...gin, vodka, scotch, bourbon? Wine, perhaps?"

"I'm afraid I'm not much of a drinker. I really don't know what to order."

"Would you like a sweet drink or something sour?"

"Sweet, I think..."

"Hard liquor or something light?"

"Light, I guess. I don't want to get drunk or even close to it. I...I've had a pretty rough three days and I just want something to help me relax."

"How about a Brandy Alexander? Tastes like a milk shake..."

"Sounds great!"

"Very good, sir, one Brandy Alexander coming up!"

Having ordered his 'cocktail', Ted began to survey the room, primarily to see if there was anyone in the bar who might know him. He was a bit taken back when this tall buxom woman came up next to his back and nudged him.

"Hi, Daddykins!" the woman said. It was Sally, the drag queen.

"Well, hello!" Ted replied with his best manners showing.

"You here drinking all alone?"

"Yes. Yes, I am."

"Would you like some company, sugar?"

"I...I really hadn't planned to stay that long."

"You got time to buy me one little drinkiepoo, don't you?"

"Well, yes, I suppose. What would you like?"

"Some HAAAARRRRD liquor, if you know what I mean."

"I sure the bartender has some. He just offered some to me. Excuse me and I'll order you a drink."

"I would be most appreciative. There are few men in this place who knows how to treat a lady properly."

"Then I see you are here alone as well. No husband? No boyfriend?"

"Oh, I sometimes have a new boyfriend every hour ON the hour...if you get my meaning!"

"Why, yes, I guess I DO get your meaning."

Just then, a guy two barstools to Ted's left spoke up and said, "Sally, for God's sake, get the fuck away from him."

Not really wanting to get into a hassle, but at the same time wanting to defend Sally, Ted turned to him and said, "Sir, that is really no way to talk to a lady."

"Lady? Hah! I'll bet she's got balls bigger than yours poked up inside her with that gaff she's wearing."

"Pardon?"

"BALLS! You know what balls are, don't you? Nuts? Cajones? Testicles?"

"Sir, I really don't think..." Ted said as a light bulb came on over his head. "You mean that she's...?" Then he turned to Sally and said, "You're a 'he'"

"Yeah, but I bet my one hole is tighter than any real woman's hole you ever had."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

"Oh, skip it!" Then Sally leaned around Ted to say, "Fred, you can go fuck yourself."

"Thanks, Sally, I seem to be the only one who wants to."

"Well, bye, sugar, thanks anyway," Sally said to Ted and drew her face near to Ted's to kiss his quickly on the lips.

"Oh, Good God, Sally! Don't go and give the guy any of your diseases, you filthy pig!"

"Fred, I have NO diseases in my mouth!"

"What about that lockjaw you had a few weeks back?" Fred growled.

"That wasn't lockjaw, dear, I had a temporary case of TMJ from giving too much oral sex in the bathroom!"

"Is THAT what causes TMJ? I wonder if Burt Reynolds knows that? He was the first one to bring it to the public's attention."

"Don't ask...don't tell, Fred. Isn't that what Bill said?"

"Bill didn't have TMJ. If anyone did, it was Monica!"

"Oh, dear...wrong again..." Sally said, retreating to the other end of the bar and straightening her dress.

Ted looked at Fred and said, "I'm sorry if I overstepped my boundary just now. I...I didn't know that she...he..."

"Aw, forget it! No offense taken. I was just trying to save you from a disaster bigger than the Titanic."

"Her...her breasts looked so real!" Ted exclaimed.

"They ARE real...diet, hormones, and silicone injections."

"But she still has her...I mean, HE still has his male organs, y'know, down below?"

"Damn if I know! Frankly, I don't care to know. I'd be afraid to look down there too closely for fear she has some kind of airborne plague rotting away."

"Still, I feel embarrassed for taking such a gruff tone at you. Can I buy you a drink?"

"I never refused one in my life."

"I assume you patronize this place frequently?"

"If you mean, do I come here a lot, the answer is 'yes'. I practically live here."

The bartender brought Ted his cocktail and Ted, in turn, ordered a drink for Fred.

"Dear God, what's that you're drinking?"

"The bartender said it was a Brandy Alexander."

"You're not a drinker, are you?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Then the next time you come in here or ANY place like this one, be sure and order a Shirley Temple. You'll like it a lot better and I guarantee you won't get a hangover."

"Shirley Temple, huh? Like the movie star?"

"It was named after her."

"I'll remember that next time."

"Since you bought me a drink, I might as well introduce myself, I'm Fred."

"Nice to meet you, Fred. My name is...John..."

"Another one, huh?"

"Pardon?"

"There's another guy who comes in here. Looks a lot like you. His name is John, also, it seems."

"John is a very common name."

"I suppose...I guess not many parents name their kids, 'Fred' anymore."

"Come to think of it, I don't know any 'Freds'."

"There's a bunch of names that are disappearing. Take for example, 'Elmer'. Have you ever known an 'Elmer' in your life? 'Leon' is disappearing and so is 'Clyde' and 'Leroy'. Most white parents now all name their kids, 'Kevin', 'Justin', 'Jared', or 'Brad'. 'Matt' is quite popular, too. You got any kids, John?"

"Yes, three."

"What are their names, if you don't mind my asking."

"The oldest is 'Lonnie'."

"Now, that's one you don't hear often. What about the other two?"

"Marc is in the middle and the youngest is Toby."

"Toby...that's big now since 'Spiderman'! John, have you heard anything about that Spiderman kid being gay?"

"I'm afraid not, Fred."

"Oh, there's all kinds of rumors about the young movie stars actually being twinks."

"Twinks?"

"You know, older than a kid but not quite grown up? Twinks! There was a guy in here the other night who claimed that the entire cast of "Lord Of The Rings" was all gay. Did you hear about that?"

"No, I didn't."

"There's a lot of young male movie stars hiding behind beards, fancy young girl starlets, just to save their careers. Hell, I know most of them ARE gay."

"Fred, you seem sort of preoccupied with who is and who isn't gay?"

"Why not? It gives me something to think about, especially since I'm inactive, so to speak."

"You mean you used to be gay, but not now?"

"I still WOULD be if I could find someone to go to bed with. Were YOU ever gay, John, or have you always been straight with kids?"

"I really shouldn't tell you this, but I'll probably never see you again, but, yes, when I was a teenager, I was gay."

"What made you go straight? It sure wasn't pussy. I'm sure of that. God, how I hate the smell of those things! Damn! As soon as any woman walks through that door over there, I can tell you the exact day she's in in her period cycle. That odor changes every day, you know...from one day to the next!"

"I really can't say I've ever noticed, Fred."

"That's because you sleep with a woman and have grown accustomed to it."

"Probably."

"When you were gay...did you have a steady boyfriend or sleep around a lot?"

"There was only one..."

"What happened to him?"

"He...he married, just like me, and had two kids."

"And I'll bet both of you have been miserable most of your lives."

"You know, you might be right, Fred. I'm...I'm just beginning to find that out."

"Do you know where he is?"

"Yes."

"Why don't you give him a call and ask him if he's miserable."

"I...I...He called me..."

"And?"

"He WAS lonely..."

"For YOU, I bet!"

"I'm beginning to think that he is, Fred...and my reaction...well,it scares the hell out of me!"

"Hell, you're young. If he's your age, you could have twenty or thirty good years to share between you."

"You really think so?" His face showed his wonder and...something else?

"Jesus Christ, John! We only have one life and if you don't find some way of getting what you really want, there's no sense in living miserably for the rest of it."

"This is so strange, Fred. I've been thinking the same thing for the past week and I come in here, quite by accident, and i meet you, a total stranger, and in just a few minutes, you're echoing all my thoughts back to me. What are you, some kind of a guru?"

"No, John, I'm just a lonely old drunk who has nothing left in his life but a bucket of memories and a pieces of dreams."

"Do you mind if I ask about one of your dreams, Fred."

"Well, as you said before, we may never meet again, so I guess it's all right to share one of them with you."

"If I were a magician and could grant you one wish, what would it be?"

"Just one, huh?" Fred thought for a minute before continuing. "I'd like to meet a nice-looking guy...not especially handsome because I wouldn't want other guys looking at him to make me jealous. He'd have an amiable occupation...not a fancy, rich career...something along the line of a school teacher maybe. I'd've liked him to be married once, just to get women out of his system...and I'd like him to come home each night to find I'd made him a big meal for dinner and then the two of us would wash and dry the dishes and go into the living room and listen to some good music, preferably Broadway show tunes, watch something worthwhile on PBS television and sit on the couch, just touching, holding hands. Then maybe around ten o'clock in the evening, we'd go into the bathroom and take a nice long, hot shower together and we'd leave our clothes off to get into bed and we would face each other and hold one another as long as it took for me to feel safe, secure, and WANTED, just once in my life. That's one of my dreams. Maybe ALL of my dreams!"

"On the whole, it's not asking too much, Fred, but it does sound wonderful. My dream is not exactly like yours, but it is similar. I would like Rex--that's my old boyfriend's name--to take me into his arms and hold me, the same way you'd like to be held in your dream."

"Well, the main difference is...you know where you dream is and I'm still waiting for mine to come through the front door...only I know he never will. If he does come, I...I have a huge surprise for him."

"Oh?"

"John, don't ever judge a person by the way he looks, he might be hiding something big behind him."

"What do you mean?"

"I know I look like a drunken bum. I need a shave, a haircut, and some new clothes and, believe it or not, I really can afford all those things. You see, John, I have a very large bank account...VERY large...and when that 'someone' walks in and finds he can like me the way I appear now...if he decides that I might be the one for him...then I'll surprise the shit out of him when he learns he'll never have to work another day in his life."

"You're THAT rich, John?"

"Yep, and more!"

"Too bad that lucky 'someone' can't find you."

"Yeah. Too bad for me, as well!"

"Well, Fred, buddy, I guess I'd better hurry home and feed my brood. I've certainly enjoyed hearing what you have to say. You...you helped me a lot, whether or not you're aware of it."

"Call him, John! Do it!" Fred's voice was warm, but insistent.

"I will, Fred, and thanks!"

Ted left the bar to go home with a new attitude and a deeper longing in himself. He would keep his word to Fred because he NEEDED to speak with Rex.

<><><><><><><><><>

Marc was so relieved that he was ready to jump for joy when he learned that Sandy and her mother had gone to Wichita. It was as if his present troubles had packed up and moved out of town and since his impending planned marriage was on the back burner, Marc didn't expect to hear from Burt Sholler which was like taking two Aleve's all at once...if the product lived up to its TV ad. Marc's dad was a little late coming home from work, Toby was in his room pretending to be doing his homework, and who know knew where Buddy was? So Marc thought he would make dinner for the four guys in the family.

Marc's recipe repertoire consisted of two items...'doctored' chili con carne and the teen standby, tuna casserole. He peered into the grocery cupboard and saw the four basic items he needed, tuna, green beans, mushroom soup, and Durkee's fried onion rings. And so he set to work, playing guest chef for the night. He mixed the first three items together in a bowl, poured it into a flat Pyrex dish, topped it with a whole can of Durkee's and shoved it into the oven...all within fifteen minutes and felt very pleased with his effort.

A few minutes later, Ted arrived home from Andy Panda's. On inquiring what he smelled in the oven, he was very proud of Marc's initiative...so much so that Ted almost broke into tears for this was the only positive thing that had happened in his house in over a week. Maybe things were looking up at long last. He gave Marc a big hug and told him to go ask Toby to set the table with dishes and silverware while he went upstairs to take a quick shower.

Marc's new cheerful attitude was contagious for Ted, for he began to feel a sense of relief as he left the kitchen,taking off his jacket and tie, and began unbuttoning his shirt as he strode through the living room on his way to the upstairs bathroom. For spite, Ted stuck his tongue out at the phone as he passed it. The phone responded by ringing.

"You bastard!" Ted cried out at the phone. "You constantly interrupt me whenever I feel happy!" He begrudgingly picked up the receiver, expecting to hear more bad news. "Hello?"

"Ted?"

"Yes?"

"This is George Walters..."

Ted relaxed because surely his and George's families weren't at odds with each other, or at least Ted hoped they weren't.

"Hey, George! It's nice of you to call."

"Ted, I've got a bit of a problem and I think it's one that you and I both share..."

'Shit! What now?', Ted thought. "What do you mean, George."

"I know you'll think I'm crazy, but I think both our families have been slightly terrorized by a certain party named, 'Louise', or more commonly known to both of us as 'Lulu'."

"That's putting it mildly, George, but I don't know how Lulu could affect you."

"I don't want to seem forward, Ted, but I am aware of some of the rumors that Lulu has been spreading about Buddy."

"I wasn't aware that she was broadcasting it all over town. I still don't see why she would have bothered you."

"Well, it seems she has incriminated my son maliciously."

"How so, George?"

"She called to say that our sons are involved in a homosexual relationship together. Are you aware of this?"

"George, I don't know what your stand is on that subject, but I'm sorry to tell you that, yes, I AM aware of it."

"Clint confessed to me that you actually caught him and Buddy in the act. Is that true?"

"I won't lie to you, George, but I...I did get a brief glance of something private going on between them."

"Now don't get upset, Ted. I'm not angry about it at all!"

"You aren't?"

"I think it's a natural period of experimentation that our sons are going through right now and I want Clint to see how serious his situation is."

"I'm sorry, George, you lost me. I don't understand."

"Clint told me that Buddy is gay...and that you know about it."

"Yes, I do..."

"Well, Clint now has the idea he might be gay also."

"I find that hard to believe. I mean, I DID see Clint in bed with Buddy, but..."

"Ted, I want Clint to be sure! I don't want him to go through life without knowing whether he is or not. I'm not stupid. I watch TV, I read books and magazines. I know that many gay young men marry out of desperation in a desperate response to pressure they receive from their families, their friends, churches, or from society in general and they live miserable lives. I don't want that for my son. If he's gay, then let him BE gay with my approval."

"I'm sorry, George, I'm still not following you completely."

"I've suggested to Clint that, after I'd talked with you, of course, that he and Buddy spend one week together...day and night. Let the two of them do whatever they want, provided it doesn't include drugs or alcohol, and see if that's what he really wants."

"I get it! You mean like when I caught Buddy smoking for first time and made him smoke a whole pack while I watched him. He never has looked at another cigarette. Are you suggesting that you and I allow Buddy and Clint to have as much sex as they want, as long as it's safe, of course, until they either decide they either hate it or love it?"

"That's exactly what I had in mind, Ted. I know that anyone outside of us would think we're totally nuts, but, well, I had a similar feeling about being gay when I was Clint's age. I hope you won't spread my little secret about, but I often wish that my father had been brave enough to propose the same latitude for my sexual preference."

"Without going into detail, I...I went through a similar situation as you did, George. I can empathize with you."

"I'm glad you told me that, Ted. It makes me feel a lot better."

"I'm glad."

"So what do you think of my 'insane' idea? Before you answer, I should tell you that Vivian is livid about what Lulu told her. She believed Lulu about Clint and Buddy and wanted me to punish him...and this proposal is the punishment I came up with...although in reality, it's really therapy for him...maybe for Buddy, too."

"I...I have no reason to inflict any kind of punishment on Buddy, but, confidentially, did you hear about Buddy's involvement with one of his teachers?"

"The whole nine yards, Ted."

"Then, offhand, I think it would be a good idea for Clint to become a diversion for Buddy for a week...who knows, maybe even longer. The two of them have always been as close as bone and marrow and if Clint could help to get Buddy away from his teacher...maybe both our problems would be solved."

"Then you'll agree?"

"Frankly, George, I think it's the most sensible idea I've heard for a long while---in fact, this couldn't happen at a better time. Lisa's going to be in the hospital for the rest of the week and she won't be here to get involved or raise holy hell."

"How is Lisa, Ted?"

"That's a long discussion, George, too long for a telephone explanation, but she's changed, George, REALLY changed."

"I hope it's for the best."

"I'm not sure just yet, George, but the change MIGHT be good for her and me, both."

"That's good, I guess. SO? Would you like me to send Clint over this evening or is that too soon?"

"Buddy isn't home yet...but I think the sooner the better."

"Then I'll get him to pack a full week's clothing and have him come on over."

"I think Buddy's going to be in for a big surprise---and I really hope he likes it."

"We'll know in a week...maybe less. Clint might change his mind after a night or two."

"If he does, then it's best that he finds out for himself."

"That's my thought, Ted, to a 'T'. Thanks, Ted."

"No problem!"

"Talk to you later...?"

"Fine."

Ted hung up the phone and, again, headed for the bathroom to shower, as Buddy came in the front door.

"Hi, Dad."

"Buddy, your face is flushed. Are you feeling all right?"

"Yes, Dad. I'm fine...fine and happy."

"Sit down, son, I need to talk to you about something."

Buddy felt certain that someone had seen him at Lake Credence with Scott and he was about to receive the 'second degree' from his dad.

"What's wrong, Dad?"

"There seems to have been some family squabble at Clint's house and his dad wants him to come over and spend a few days with us."

"You're kidding?"

"No, but he'll have to sleep with you in your room, if that's OK?"

"I...I feel kinda awkward about it, Dad, I mean after you walking in on Clint and me the way you did."

"I realize I might be imposing on you by asking you to share your room, but, as long as you keep your door locked to keep Toby out, you and Clint can do anything you like...as long as you don't use drugs or alcohol."

"You know I don't smoke or drink, Dad."

"I know, but there ARE other things you do...and if you should do any of them, promise me that you'll use protection."

"Dad? You're giving me permission to have sex with Clint?"

"You're over eighteen...and your mom's not going to be here...so why should I object?"

"Dad, this is totally unreal! Are you on drugs? Have you been drinking?"

"Only a bit!"

"Geez, I knew there must be a reason!"

"Do you promise me?"

"About having safe sex with Clint? Heck, Dad, I don't even know it Clint WANTS to have sex with me."

"That's what his dad wants to find out!"

"WHAT?"

"Clint will tell you all about it! I'm going to take a shower. Why don't you go into the kitchen and tell Marc to set a place for Clint for dinner?"

Ted went upstairs to the bathroom, leaving Buddy in the living room, confused and his mouth slightly gaping. 'God damn! My house hasn't just turned upside down...it's rolling over and over!' Buddy said to himself.

<><><><><><><><><><>

Charles Alford had just finished seeing his last patient for the day and was taking off his white coat when Stella, his receptionist came into his office to see him, carrying a large manila envelope.

"Dr. Alford, this report just arrived from the lab."

"Thanks, Stella. Why don't you close down everything up front and go on home."

"Thanks, Doctor."

"Good night, Stella."

"Good night."

Stella left and Charles sat at his desk, opened the envelope, and began to read the report. His brow became furrowed as he read and finally he uttered, "Oh, shit."

<><><><><><><><>

(To be continued in "If Love Were All-10).