If Love Were All

All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language, please exit now.

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IF LOVE WERE ALL

by

Ritch Christopher

with literary enhancement by

Les Martin

Chapter Five

"DEAR ME, THE SKY IS FALLING!"

When he arrived at home after work, the thought crossed Ted Browne's mind that, if he were a 'drinking man', the situation he found might have called for a good stiff drink. Every member of his family was barricaded behind the door of his respective bedroom abd seemingly no one would explain why. If he had been told, he'd know that his wife was in bed recovering from her faint occasioned by a mysterious phone call informing her about her oldest son being seen coming out of a motel with his teacher, then finding her youngest son, age 12, masturbating in his room, then learning that her middle son had smoked marijuana and had impregnated the daughter of her closest friends, and all this dropped on her inside of a two minute period. She was sorry she had been revived and couldn't understand why she just 'didn't die' and get away from everything.

Not yet knowing the details of his family's woes, Ted had a problem of his own after learning of his old school buddy's tragedy. It was simply not a good day for any member of the Browne household. Fortunately for Buddy, he didn't know that anyone knew of his sexual escapade with his band director or he, too, might have developed a death wish like his two younger brothers, both of whom were trapped in vises of their own making.

Even though his mother had fainted and was lying in her bedroom, Toby couldn't leave his room. His mother had caught him doing a 'no-no' and he knew he could never face her again as long as he lived. He even cursed his two brothers for showing him how to masturbate.

Ted was even more startled into speechlessness when his and Lisa's friend, Liz, came out of Lisa's bedroom, hauling Sandy by the hand to escort her out the door to take her home, but not before taking time to shout a few choice words to Ted concerning his lack of discipline for his kids. Liz also warned Marc to never attempt to see Sandy again. Marc ran into his bedroom, slammed the door, plopped onto his bed and lay there staring at the ceiling.

Buddy hadn't shown any emotion about his afternoon at the motel. Nevertheless he needed to think it over quietly, alone in his bedroom.

With all of the four upstairs bedroom doors closed to him, Ted remained in the hallway at the foot of the stairs, not knowing which room to attempt to enter first...and wondering if he dared to enter any of them. The only clue he had was Buddy's phone call telling him to hurry home. Beyond that, Ted had no idea of what was going on or what had happened, but he felt helpless. He felt as if his entire house had suddenly turned into a closed-ward mental asylum. If he could've found a spare bedroom, he might've gone in to mull over the sadness he felt for Rex. Looking at the silent downstairs of his house, Ted suddenly was glad that none of his boys had pets because this would be the appropriate time to learn that the dog had run away, the cat had been run over by the neighbor's car, the parakeet would surely be lying flat in the bottom of its cage, and the goldfish floating on their backs on top of the water. Ted's family might have seemed the epitome of the all-American family, but at this moment the Browne household was simply all fucked up.

Ted braced himself on the banister and put his foot on the first step that would lead him upstairs. He thought it best to check in on his wife first and, for the first time since he and Lisa had married, Ted tapped his knuckles lightly on their bedroom door.

"Lisa? Honey?" Ted called to her quietly through the door.

"Ted?"

"Yes, Lisa, it's me."

"Please go away," she said in tears, "I don't want to talk to anyone just now."

"Lisa, are you feeling okay?"

"Much better, I..I just want to be alone."

"Honey, can you give me a clue as to what happened here this afternoon?"

"Ted, please don't push it. I'm not ready to talk about ANYTHING. It's distressful and, at the moment, I'm stressed beyond my limits."

"Okay, but I'll be downstairs or in one of the boys' rooms if you need me."

"In one of the boys'-----all right."

The bedroom door next to his and Lisa's was Toby's. Again, Ted tapped lightly.

"Toby? Son?" Ted called rather softly.

There was no response from Toby, so Ted tried again, "Son, can I come it? Your mother seems upset over you three boys and I'm just trying to find out what happened."

"Dad! I never want to see Mom again...ever!" Toby cried out from his bed.

"Good heavens, son, what did Mom do to you? Did she punish you...and for what?"

"Go ask her! I don't want to talk about it!"

"All right, Toby, if you do want to talk or if you should get hungry, I'll be downstairs or in Marc or Buddy's bedroom."

Toby didn't respond, so Ted edged his way to the next door, Marc's, and tapped on it. "Marc? Can I come in?"

"No, Dad, not right now..."

"Can you tell me what Liz Sholler was so mad about?"

"Ask Mom!"

"Son, your mom is ill and doesn't feel much like talking. Can't you and me have a 'man-to-man' chat?"

"Why?" Marc blurted, "we never have before!"

"Marc, what do you mean?"

"I mean you don't talk to any of us guys the way other dad's talk to their sons!"

For the first time in his life, Ted felt his ineptitude as the father of three sons. Had he neglected them? Had he ever denied getting them anything that they wanted? Within reason, that is.

"Marc, I'm going to be in Buddy's room if you want to come join us. If you want to talk or if you're hungry, let me know. I'll be the cook tonight. I...I could use a good bottle washer," Ted tried to make a joke, but his attempt fell flat.

Ted's last hope was Buddy, his oldest. His hand trembled as he knocked on Buddy's door for fear he would be denied entrance as he had been three times in two minutes at three other doors.

"Buddy?" Ted called in a normal tone.

"Yes, Dad?"

"Can I come in and talk?"

"Sure, Dad, come on in," Buddy replied.

Feeling somewhat relieved, Ted entered Buddy's bedroom and found his oldest son lying in bed, fully clothed, without a light on. It was going on 7:00 PM and turning dark outside. The ensuing darkness might well have seeped in to Buddy's room from the moods of the other occupants of the house.

"Can I turn on a light?" Ted asked.

"I'd rather you didn't, Dad..."

"oK if I sit on the side of your bed?"

"Sure, come on over."

At least Ted hadn't been totally rejected by ALL the members of his family. Buddy scooted over to the far side of his bed to give his dad room to sit down.

"Buddy, are you all right...physically, I mean?"

"Sure, Dad," Buddy replied, feeling a bit reticent, not knowing if his Dad knew anything abouthis afternoon frolic at the motel with Mr. Masters. "Why...why do you ask?"

"I'm not sure what's happened to everyone in the house. It's like some kind of epidemic...your mother and your brothers, just like you, seem to be hiding behind their bedroom doors."

"I...I don't know ALL of what happened to Mom before I got in from band practice, but I did manage to learn some of it."

"If you'll fill me in, son, I'd appreciate it. At least I'd find some place to start in getting things back to normal."

"Who do you wanna hear about first, Dad?"

"Well, to start with, why is Toby in his room and why on earth would he tell me he never wants to see his mom ever again?"

"I can help you with that one, Dad, only I'm afraid I...and Marc.. are partially to blame. I hope you won't get angry when I tell you..."

"Since you seem to be my one and only source of information at the moment, I'll do my best NOT to get angry...especially since I want to find out about Marc and Liz Sholler."

"I...I know all about that, too. But I guess I'd rather tell you about Toby's problem first."

"Good! Now what happened?"

"Dad, you remember what happened to Toby at wrestling practice?"

"Yes..."

"Well, when you and Mom went out to dinner with the Alford's, Marc and I thought we...being his older brothers, could help Toby by showing him how to keep that from happening to him again."

"And just what did you show Toby?"

"We...Marc and I...thought if Toby knew how to masturbate, alone in his room, he'd not get so much pressure built up if he relieved himself a couple of times a week."

"Good Lord, Buddy! Toby is only twelve years old..."

"But he's a mature 'twelve', Dad. Do you know he's got a teen-size penis and is already growing pubic hair?"

"No, son, I...I didn't know that..."

"I mean, he can pop a load of semen as big as Marc and me."

"You...you've seen him pop ...well, do what you said?"

"Yeah, when Marc and me were showing him how to do it!"

"I...I guess I should thank you and Marc for doing what I should have done." What's this? A note of sanity?

"Dad, don't get mad...but, well, you never talked with Marc and me about it... and Toby needed SOMEONE to tell him about a few things."

"I can see where I've failed all three of you boys. My dad never said a thing to me about the birds and the bees. I just sorta let nature take its course...and I just supposed that the three of you would do as I did. I can see now where I was wrong."

"Dad, sex is something no one in this house has ever talked about. I'd never even said anything to Marc until we...we started talking to Toby."

"So what happened between Toby and your mom?"

"She walked in on him just as he was climaxing."

"Good God, no wonder she fainted...and no wonder Toby never wants to face her again. I can see your mother must've been horrified and Toby, humiliated."

"Dad...if Marc and me had known..."

"There's no use crying over spilled milk..."

"That's funny, Dad."

"What?"

"Spilled milk..." Buddy said, laughing weakly.

"Oh, I see what you mean..." Ted replied, joining in the laugh. "I...I don't exactly know how, but I think that problem can be fixed."

"I wish there was some way I could help; after all, I do feel partially responsible."

"Maybe us men can fix it together. You can work on Toby and I'll do my best to teach your mom about little boys and puberty."

"I will, Dad. I'll talk with Toby."

"Now let's get to Marc and Liz. What on earth did Marc do to make Liz Sholler so angry, forbidding him to see Sandy?"

"I...I'm afraid I knew about that before Mom did...only when I got home, Liz was shouting to the high wind, so I learned more of the details."

"You want to tell me about it?"

"I...I really wish Marc would. I mean, he got himself into a heap of trouble...and I feel like I'm ratting on him if I tell you."

"Marc wouldn't let me into his bedroom, so I guess he doesn't want to talk with me. So I guess it's up to you, if you will."

"This part I only learned this afternoon...but Marc and Sandy have been growing marijuana in Mrs. Sholler's green house."

"WHAT!"

"Yessir, and they've been smoking it and getting high."

"Damn! Marc and Sandy and their scientific projects! No wonder Liz was mad. I am, too!"

"Dad, when you hear the rest, I think you'll forget about the marijuana."

"You...you mean there's more?"

'Yeah, it seems that when Marc and Sandy got high...they engaged in unprotected sex and Sandy got pregnant..."

"Oh, Jesus! It's a wonder your mother didn't have a heart attack! If you know, how pregnant is Sandy? I mean, how long has she been pregnant?"

"Not quite three months. Just before we showed Toby how to...you know..."

"Masturbate?"

"Yeah...well, Marc took me aside and asked me if I knew where he and Sandy could get an abortion."

"Good God! What did you tell him, Buddy?"

"Actually, nothing. I didn't know what to say to him."

"Thank God for that much, anyway!"

"How did Liz find out?"

"Marc was over at the Sholler house and Sandy...well, according to Mrs. Sholler, she found Sandy vomiting in the bathroom. At first, she thought Sandy had a stomach virus, but Mrs. Sholler pressed her until Sandy confessed she really had morning sickness."

"Oh, my God! Does Burt know?"

"Not yet, Mrs. Sholler and Sandy were leaving here to go home and break the news to him."

"Jesus! I'm wondering if I should call the police because Burt Sholler is liable to come over here looking for Marc with a gun!"

"You think Mr. Sholler would really do that?"

"It wouldn't surprise me. Burt has high hopes for Sandy. He thinks she's so well educated in science, she'll win the Nobel Prize one day. Son, you and I, BOTH, have got to talk with Marc. He's probably scared out of his mind."

"Especially if he hears about Mr. Sholler and the gun!"

"Buddy, I...I feel as if I'm helpless with these things. Our family has never had to cope with things this serious. I think I'm going to need your help."

"Thanks, Dad, I'm glad you feel like you can trust me."

"Buddy, while I'm finding out what's going on, can I ask why you're in your room with the lights out? Are you overcome by the events of the afternoon, or do you have a problem?"

So much weight had been thrown on his dad's shoulders all at once, Buddy didn't know if it was the right time to tell him about his homosexuality. But, maybe, HIS problem would help soften the blows of Toby's and Marc's.

"Dad, I guess maybe I DO have one small problem...only I don't think of it as aproblem."

"You might as well let me hear about it now. Let's get everything out in the open all at once, so that there'll be no more surprises to deal with later."

"Dad...dad..."

"Come on, out with it, son!"

"Dad, I'm gay!"

Ted couldn't have felt more stunned if he had been hit by a speeding bus. The very thing that Ted was trying to deal with himself, was the same problem his oldest son was trying to cope with.

"Why do you think that? I mean, do you have a special male friend? Have...have you had sex with him?"

"...Yes..." Buddy replied, softly. "But just one time...", he added.

"One time? When?"

"Uh...this afternoon, Dad."

"Jesus! Is this Friday the thirteenth? Is this Passover and we're not Jewish? Maybe I should go down to the butcher's and get some lamb's blood and paint the front door before the locusts and frogs descend on this household!"

"I'm sorry, Dad, but you wanted to know..."

"Next time I ask, don't tell me!...Gay! Does your mom know?"

"I don't think so, I was very careful..."

"Buddy, PLEASE tell me that YOU used protection, not like Marc."

"I'm afraid I didn't, Dad...I mean after all, it was my first time."

"What about your boyfriend? Was it his first time as well?"

"Maybe...you see, his wife and he haven't had sex in a year or two!"

"WIFE!" Ted held his hands straight up. "Oh God, take me now. I know you're punishing me for the thoughts I've had all day."

"What kind of thoughts, Dad?"

"I'll kill myself before I tell anyone!"

"Dad! Please don't say things like that!"

"I'm sorry, son. I...I had no specific thoughts," Ted lied. "It was just a figure of speech!" In his mind, Ted was thinking, 'Oh, Rex, why don't you come to my house and help me straighten out all this mess. I mean, all you did was lose your wife and kids in a normal way...but look at me! I know Ishouldn't be thinking like this, but...'

"Dad, are you in some kind of trouble, too?"

"No, son, everything is fine with me...I have to figure out what to do with my family."

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As Scott Parsons had left his office that afternoon to go meet Lonnie,(Buddy) at the motel, he was walking in a daze, driven by some unexplainable force. Ever since he left his best pal, Clay, in Florida to go off to college, Scott had lived his life on 'automatic pilot--caution', choosing to assume atotally 'hetero' life filled with wild college co-eds, leaving all the gay pleasures he'd had with Clay behind him. His plan had worked for a long time until he married and sex with Kathy had become rote, an exercise by the numbers and he realized something important was missing in his sex life...mainly, Clay's masculine sex organ.

Had this situation arisen solely as a result of his being horny? Or was he honestly interested in Lonnie as a potential sex partner...or maybe more? Or was it that Lonnie was almost a dead ringer for Clay? Scott felt he was in full control of his faculties and emotions...but was he? Meeting a student for sex at a motel violated every element of the man Scott strived to be. If he should get caught, it could end his job, his reputation, and might cause him to lose his family, which meant, primarily, his two young sons. Needless to say, he had a multitude of reservations about this thing he was about to do, but once he was inside the motel room with Lonnie, he threw all caution to the wind, thinking with his smaller head, and it was as ifScott had emerged into a time warp of his past when he saw Lonnie nude. Lonnie was no longer Lonnie, he was definitely Clay reincarnated.

For ten years, Scott had dreamed of ravaging Clay's body, and now here it was, right in front of him...willing to obey his every wish and command. The only kiss Scott remembered giving Clay had been short, sweet, and had seemed almost forgotten. But now he had the chance to kiss Scott (Lonnie) the way he'd always dreamed.

Buddy was a bit taken back by Scott's sudden spurt of lust as Scott went to him and kissed him deeply and passionately, being much more demonstrative than their budding relationship warranted. But Buddy gave in and let Scott begin to romanticize him, enjoying his first and only gay love experience. Buddy placed his arms around his teacher and clung to him as he'd never held any man before, not even his Dad while he was growing up at home. Buddy was awestruck by Scott's actions and found himself falling in love...or at least Buddy's neophyte impression of love.

Piece by piece, Buddy removed Scott's clothes until Scott was as naked as Buddy himself was. When Scott took Buddy's hand and to lead him to the double bed, Buddy willingly complied. Instantly, he knew that this was not the first time for Scott and found himself eager to learn what to do and how to do it.

Scott gently pushed Buddy backward on the bed and began tracing a path of kisses from Scott's lips and neck all the way down his torso, ending at Buddy's genitals which sent shivers down Buddy's spine. Scott became ravenous and began to use both of his hands to poke every bit of Buddy's penis and his testicles into his mouth at the same time, taking Buddy's breath away.

Scott continued to deliver Buddy's initial rite of passage into gay sex by performing oral sex on the young man. Buddy was so overwhelmed by the physical rapture, there was no way he could warn Scott of his impending orgasm, so he released the flood gate of his explosive virgin juices into Scott's mouth, leaving Scott to deal with the copious overflow. Scott was hungry and captured every drop that Buddy could emit before returning to Buddy's mouth to kiss him again and share the liquid treasure with its donor.

Buddy was totally entranced by what had happened, but a part of him wondered if he could possibly recreate on Scott what his teacher had just done to him. Little did Buddy know that, in his vivid memory, Scott was actually making love to his old friend Clay. Buddy didn't get the choice of reciprocation because Scott was eagerly probing Buddy's anus to begin the second lustful lesson.

Since Buddy had assured Scott in their earlier conversation that he'd never had anal sex, Scott felt safe to enter his zealous pupil without using a condom. Since Scott knew for certain that he'd had no sex of any kind with any partner for over a year, he hadn't bothered to stop by a drugstore or convenience market to buy protection.

Many nights, while alone, Buddy had stretched his rectum with a finger or two while masturbating, so Buddy received very little or almost no pain when Scott entered him. Once Scott was inside him completely, Buddy relaxed and had an inner satisfaction by knowing he was now officially gay...with nothing left to fear or wonder about. Buddy arched his back and began to meet Scott's rhythmic thrusts and it felt wonderful to both of them. During the entire act of intercourse, Scott smothered Buddy's lips with his own until it was time for Scott to climax.

As he began, Buddy was alarmed at first that the warm fluid he was feeling deep inside him might be his own blood as a result of Scott's somewhat forcefulentry. But when he heard Scott's moans, he knew that Scott was only releasing the loving amorphous substance which was the proper conclusion to the act of lovemaking.

When Scott's spent organ released itself from Buddy's body, Scott rolled over to lay on the pillow next to Buddy, exhausted but happy. Neither of them had any feelingsof remorse or guilt. Both were hoping that this was only the first of manylove sessions yet to come in the future between them.

"Was I okay?" Buddy finally asked, timidly.

"Little man, you were wonderful...more than I could ever hope for. What about you?"

"I...I suddenly feel like a man...a real man."

"You are, Buddy, and always will be from now on. Did I hurt you?"

"No, not at all. You could've been twice the size and it still wouldn't've hurt!"

"Oh, Jesus! Your first time at bat and you've turned into a size queen."

"NO! NO! I didn't mean that! You're plenty big enough, it just felt so natural when you put it inside me...like it was a part of my own body being put where it had always been missing."

Scott leaned over and gave Buddy a small kiss on the lips. "You wanna rest a few minutes and go for a second round? I mean, we don't have to. We don't have to do everything the first time we make love. We COULD wait until our next meeting. Whaddya say? It's up to you."

"Only if you promise that there WILL be a next time?"

"Buddy boy, you can count on it."

"Thanks."

"You know that we'll have to be extremely careful. We must never let any emotion show on either of our parts. When we're alone, we can be Buddy and Scott and have long sessions making love. But at school, it's still got to be 'Lonnie and Mr. Parsons'. I may get rough on you and criticize some of your drum major routines, for show...so that no one can get suspicious."

"I know...I'm ready...only...only..."

"What, Buddy boy?"

"Was this just sex...or do you really care for me?"

"Lonnie...Buddy, I've wanted to hold you in my arms since the first day I saw you. Many times, I've had to walk away before I grabbed you in front of the band."

"Then I guess I should tell you how I feel..."

"I'd like that. I need to know."

"Well, for a long time, I've had a teacher/student crush on you. I never believed anything like this would ever happen between us. As you know, I...I've never had a girlfriend OR boyfriend. At nights, when I found myself horny, I used to beat off thinking about my best friend, Clint. You know Clint...?"

"Louise Drummond's boyfriend?"

"Yes. I've always known he was straight and nothing would ever happen between the two of us...sexually, I mean. Then, for the past few months, thoughts of Clint faded and you replaced him in my fantasies."

"You're being serious?"

"Totally."

"Damn! I wish I had picked up on your vibes and had known about this earlier, Buddy. We wasted a lot of good time together."

"I'm hoping this will be a beginning for both of us. I have no one in my life...and I hope you'll let it be you."

"If that's what you want, Buddy, then that's what I want too."

"But...but what about your wife?"

"Buddy, I know I shouldn't say this to you, but the wedge between Kathy and me is so wide, she and I couldn't get back together if she and I were the last two people of earth. What I'm trying to say is...romantically, I have no one in my life...unless you want to be it?"

"More than anything in the world."

Scott kissed Buddy, longer this time and pulled their bodies close together so that they were touching from lips to toes.

"Scott?"

"Yes, Buddy?"

"Is it time...I mean, is it all right if I say I love you?"

"Only if you mean it...and only if you want hear it from me, too."

"Then, I love you...I really do."

"Me, too, Buddy. I love you."

They continued to kiss and make out, their hands exploring anything and every place that they wanted of each other's body until, reluctantly, they decided it was time to go. Slowly each watched the other dress, getting one final glance at the other's hidden parts. Before they left, they exchanged one last kiss and one more, 'I love you', and walked out the door to their cars.

As they were coming through the motel doorway, Clint was passing, driving Lulu home after taking her to Brando's Mall as usual after band practice. Lulu was jabbering to Clint about a cute little mini-skirt she should have bought at The Gap when she looked to her right to see Buddy coming out of the motel room with her band director, Mr. Parsons.

"My God, Clint! Look!" Lulu screamed, pointing at Buddy and Scott.

"WHAT, DAMMIT! You almost caused me to wreck the car."

"It's Buddy Browne and Mr. Parsons coming out of that motel room together."

"Where?"

"There, silly!"

"Oh, shit!" Clint said, "It IS them. I just hope to fuck they didn't see us!" Clint sped away, being carefully not to screech his tires to draw attention.

"What do you think they were doing at a motel?" Lulu asked.

"It's none of our fucking business, Lu, now keep quiet and don't say a word to anyone about what you saw."

"Buddy is your best friend! Do you think? I don't have to think...they were in there having gay sex. I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!"

"Lulu, keep your fuckin' mouth shut! You don't KNOW what they were doing!"

"Clint! Don't tell me that you haven't known all these years that your best friend was gay!"

"I still don't know it!"

"Oh, my God!" She turned to face him. "Don't tell me you've been having sex with him as well?"

"NO! GODDAMMIT! I've never had sex with Buddy or ANY guy...and you and I don't know for sure that Buddy is gay. Now, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!"

"I wonder if his family knows...Marc...Toby...or...his MOTHER???"

"I doubt that there's anything TO know, so don't go spreading rumors or telling things about Buddy to his family! Things you don't know for sure!"

"Wouldn't Mrs. Browne just die if she knew?"

"Lulu, you say one word to Mrs. Browne about what you saw at that motel and you and I are through! I MEAN IT!"

"Why? So you could spend more time, intimate time, with Buddy...just the two of you alone...together. Huh! When I think back during high school...all those camping trips or all the times you and Buddy slept in the same bed over a weekend. You must've liked having him suck your cock! Did you suck his, too? Tell me, Clint, does he suck you better than I do?"

"LULU! I'm giving you no more warnings! I'll not come by and take you to school tomorrow...nor will I pick you up afterward and take you home...and don't expect me to come by for our date this weekend because I won't be there!"

Louise ignored Clint. "Do you two fuck each other? Can you make him reach an orgasm...something which you have trouble making me do? I can see now why you have such a difficult time making me cum! You're not interested in satisfying me. You're probably thinking about Buddy the whole time you and I are having sex!"

Blood rushed to Clint's face. He was angry and had heard enough of Lulu's false speculations. Paying no heed to speed limits, stop signs, or traffic lights, Clint slammed his foot on his accelerator and raced 70 mph all the way to Lulu's house where he stopped and reached across her to open the passenger door.

"GET OUT!" Clint shouted.

"WHAT? Clint Walters, you scared me half to death with your reckless driving!"

"Too bad I didn't run into a tree to see if I could get you to shut your mouth! Maybe a few choice long tree branches would have gone down your throat!"

"CLINT! ARE YOU SAYING YOU WANTED TO KILL ME?"

"The thought DID cross my mind about six blocks back!"

"Then you don't have to break up with me! I'm breaking up with you...NOW! I never want to see you again, EVER!"

"Suits me!"

"Now rush on over to Glendale Road and go see your boyfriend. Get him to tell you what he was doing with Mr. Parsons...and maybe the next time you can go with them and have a threesome!"

"FUCK YOU, LULU!" Clint screamed, once she was out of his car. He sped away with her door still open. The door finally closed when Clint turned the corner at the next street.

In his rear view mirror, he could see Lulu standing in the middle of the road yelling, "COCKSUCKER". Then she stamped her foot, turned, and ran into her house to get the school telephone directory where she promptly dialed the Browne residence. Lulu disguised her voice when Lisa answered and began to tell, anonymously, of what she'd seen...Buddy, Mr. Parsons, the motel. Lisa was horrified when Lulu finished her tale. Lulu, on the other hand, smiled vengefully as she replaced the receiver on its cradle.

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Scott drove home from the motel in a state of blissful euphoria. His sexual appetite had not been so sated in years. The encounter with Lonnie had been more than he ever dreamt it could be. Whatever cautionary trepidations he might have had earlier today or in the past few months when he first began to eye Lonnie as being something special, vanished. Even though Lonnie was his student, Lonnie was of legal age and both their actions had been consensual.

Twilight was approaching and the neon lights of greater Boston were beginning to illuminate the sky. Everything he hoped that would happen with Lonnie had happened as if it were written in a script. For years he had tolerated Kathy's nightly bedroom excuses and denials, later finding out that his only sexual recourse was the magazine beside the toilet or almost faded dreams of his and Clay's teen escapades. Why had Scott never pursued Clay romantically while the two of them were having afternoon sex? Why had he never kissed Clay passionately as he had today in his mind? Scott was whole once again, he had Clay back in his life? His thoughts raced on and on as he drove home. Then suddenly he slammed on his brakes and halted his car to a dead stop, screeching his tires and hitting his forehead on the steering wheel.

'What the fuck am I thinking? I wasn't with Clay! Jesus Christ! Am I that close to losing my mind? I just had sex with a nineteen year old kid...MY STUDENT...and all the while, in my mind, I was with Lonnie!'

Scott looked at his hands on the steering wheel and they were trembling as they gripped the wheel. Tiny beads of sweat had popped out across his forehead and were running down his cheeks as heavily as raindrops on a window pane.

'Surely, I had someone idea what I was doing! I had all day long to think about it! I didn't have a drink or indulge in drugs! What the fuck was I thinking? How did I let it happen? Oh, Jesus! I've just ruined my life and my kids' lives. I'm sure to lose my job...and if Lonnie or his parents decide to press legal charges against me, I might wind up serving time in a jail or penitentiary. Have my suppressed desires for Clay driven me to the point of insanity?'

'Shit! What do I do now? Should I call Lonnie at home to assure myself of his secrecy? The kid said he loved me...would I now suffer the consequence of vengeful retaliation? Good God! If Kathy gets drift of this, she'll file for divorce immediately and take the kids away and I'll never see them again!'

Scott felt a flood of desperation engulfing him due to his coming down from his exaggerated euphoria to a bleak reality of thesituation. Thoughts of suicide began to flash before him.

'Oh, Clay...CLAY??? FUCK! LONNIE!!!'

Scott was shaking so hard he couldn't think how to start his car. He didn't WANT to start his car. Where was he to go? Home? HA! Big joke! He could think of no harbor of safety he could run to. Should he just go to the nearest phone and call Dean Cunningham and resign his job without offering a reason? Should he wait until Kathy and the boys had gone to sleep to slip quietly into his bedroom and pack some clothes and then drive out of town to parts unknown?

'Maybe I should go somewhere and have a drink to settle my nerves. Hell, what was the name of that little bar?...Andy Panda's...yeah, that's it. Damn, if I go home with liquor on my breath, Kathy will give me the third degree, but again, what's my alternative? Go home and confess I just fucked one of my students so that she can pack and leave with the kids tonight or kick me out instead? I STILL need a drink!'

Scott restarted his engine and drove down one block and then made two left turns further down on the next street to head in the direction of Andy Panda's. Perhaps Fred, his new drinking buddy, would be there and maybe he could shed some light on Scott's problem without Scott revealing too many details. For his own sake, Scott hoped Sally would NOT be there!

<><><><><><><>

Even though Rex's brief conversation on the phone with Ted had not been as productive as he would've liked it to be, just hearing Ted's voice for the first time in twenty-five years had given Rex an emotional lift. He even took more interest in his work and cheerfully began calling his clients to make sure everything was in place for the Christmas advertisements. Rex's staff didn't question the reason, but they noticed a change in his positive demeanor.

Rex went into the restroom of his office and after peeing, he washed his hands and took a long look at himself in the mirror. He looked bedraggled, in need of physical repair. He uttered a verbal "Yuck!" as he came out of the bathroom. re-entering his office, he told his secretary he had to make a personal visit to one of his accounts and should be gone around three hours.

He left and took a cab to his favorite tonsorial shop for a makeover...new hairstyle (with a few highlights), a facial, and manicure. Next he went to a tanning salon and donned a pair goggles, a shower cap and a g-string to get a light bronze tanning shower, like he'd seen on TV. Then it was time for some new clothes, which meant a trip to Ashton's Men's Clothing on Fifth Avenue...very elite and very expensive, where Rex bought three new suits, some casual slacks, dress and sport shirts, socks, underwear, three pairs of shoes, black, brown, and cordovan loafers which he had worn daily in high school.

He felt like a new person as he left the clothing store, speaking to every passer-by who gave him a friendly look. He simply had to look his best...and YOUNG to Ted at the reunion.

There was a flower vendor selling fall flowers and Rex ran to buy a large double bouquet for Mary, his secretary. Loaded down with boxes and flowers, he returned to his office and presented his floral gift to Mary who was surprised and impressed by her boss's reformation.

"My, my, don't we look like the cat's pajamas?" she said with a pleasant sneer.

"You like?" Rex replied, doing a slow pirouette.

"Mr. Hastings, if I didn't know better, I'd say someone new had just entered your life..."

"Not someone 'new', Mary...someone 'old'...I don't mean OLD 'old', just someone I used to know."

"Then your plan for going to your reunion is in place?"

"Plane ticket, hotel reservation, deodorant, and toothbrush!"

"Please don't mind my saying this, but I'm very glad to see you looking like your old self, in spite of your tragic loss."

"I...I think I'm only doing what Miriam would have wanted. For weeks I've been sitting alone at home every night, pining and mourning and wishing I had means to escape, but that's senseless. Had a bullet hit me instead of Miriam and if she were alone in our apartment, I'd want her to get out and live her life. If I was the one who was gone, I wouldn't be coming back to her ever, so why should I sit around waiting for some replacement for her to come from behind locked doors?"

"This 'old' someone? Someone you used to care about in high school?"

"Maybe..."

"Is...is she available, I mean, not married?"

"Married, but maybe soon available..."

"Uh oh, be careful, Boss..."

"That's been a problem my whole life, Mary, I've always been TOO careful. I want to crawl out on the dangerous end of the branch just one time. If I fall, well, then, that's too bad. But if I don't, think what a marvelous view I'll have while I'm out there."

"I've often wished I had the courage to do the same thing."

"Do it, Mary! Think of Miriam! Life is short and I've decided from now on to make each day count!"

"I...I hope everything works out for you at the reunion..."

"Me, too, Mary. It's just got to..."

<><><><><><><><><>

Lisa, Marc, and Toby all refused to come out of their bedrooms when Ted called to say he was going to prepare dinner for them, so he and Buddy decided to eat by themselves. Ted pan-fried two sirloin strip steaks while Buddy cut up two large potatoes to cook them over the grill a la campfire style. Normally Ted had never offered a beer to any of his sons, though a six-pack of bottles always stayed in the refrigerator for any male guest who happened to drop in. But tonight, Ted thought both he and his oldest son needed a little something to settle their nerves after such a harrowing afternoon and evening.

Ted and Buddy had just sat down at the kitchen table to eat when the phone rang.

"Want me to get that, Dad?"

"Yes, if you will. It's probably the fire department calling to say that my real estate office is aflame or someone else with equally good news," Ted said, sardonically.

"Hello?"

"Buddy?"

"Yeah?"

"It's me..."

"Clint?"

"Yeah."

"Glad you called."

"Hey, guy, how are things at your house?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mea-- is your mom acting strange or something?"

"She's not feeling well. Why do you ask?"

"Buddy, I think your mom might've got a phone call from Lulu..."

"Oh? What about?"

"Listen, dickhead, Lulu and I were driving by the motel when we both saw you and Mr. Parsons coming out."

"Oh, shit!"

"Yeah! Shit and then some! What the fuck were you two doing there?"

"I...I'm afraid I can't say, Clint."

"Is someone near you?"

"Uh huh!"

"Your dad or your brothers?"

"One..."

"Your dad?"

"You got it!"

"Has he said anything about Lulu calling?"

"...uh...no..."

"Maybe your mom didn't tell him yet. Has he asked you anything about Mr. Parsons?"

"No...no, he hasn't..."

"I guess you're safe for now."

"Uh, Clint?"

"Yeah?"

"Uh...tell me about Lulu..."

"Buddy, you know I don't give a damn what you do. We're friends for life and I'll defend you to the death, but Lulu got all out of whack when she saw the two of you. I told her to mind her own business and then she and I got into a sorta fight and it got hotter all the way to her house. When I parked, well, she and I started screaming at each other...and I guess we broke up."

"Clint, I'm sorry to hear that."

With each of Buddy's replies to Clint, he was trying his best to hide Clint's side of their conversation.

"Buddy, you just don't know HOW sorry you might be. She said she was gonna call your mom and tell her what she'd seen!"

"Oh, God," Buddy said, feeling the pit of his stomach sink several miles.

"So do you think that's why your mom's not feeling well?"

"Probably...THAT among other things."

"You know what this means, don't you?"

"I...I have an idea..."

"You could be in a lot of trouble and Mr. Parsons could lose his job."

"Uh...that's a possibility..."

"What the fuck are you gonna do?"

"I...uh...wish I knew, Clint..."

"There was no way I could stop the bitch! She had her mind set on calling your mom and only God knows who else!"

"You really broke up with her?"

"Completely..."

"You...you did that for me?"

"Yes, numb nuts! We've been through thick and thin together. I told you I'd always be at your back, but this time, I don't know how to help you or what to do."

"I...I don't either."

"Do you think you should tell your dad before your mom does...or before HE gets a call from Lulu?"

"I guess so...if I can think of a way of doing it."

"You got to, Buddy! I don't think you know how much trouble you're in."

"I...I'm beginning to get a good idea of it..."

"Can you go some place where you and your dad can be alone?"

"We are now, Clint."

"Good. Try to find a way to tell him gently."

"Clint, you can't drop a bomb 'gently'. Once if falls, it has to explode."

"Do you think it would help if I came over and we sorta told him together? I think my presence might soften the blow. I don't think your dad would get too angry in front of me..."

"That might be a good idea, Clint. How soon can you get here?"

"Ten minutes...?"

"Come on, then."

"Don't say a word to him until I get there, OK?"

"OK...and thanks."

"I love you, Buddy."

"Same here, pal."

Shaken with fear, Buddy hung up the phone to return to the table with his dad.

"Something wrong with Clint?" Ted asked.

"Huh?...Oh, yeah, he and Lulu had a big fight and...they broke up..."

"That's too bad, son."

"Yeah...I told him to come over and the two of us could talk it over."

"You and Clint are such good friends...always have been."

"Yes sir."

"Can I ask if you and Clint are...? I mean have the two of you ever...?"

"No, Dad, Clint is more like a third brother to me. He's not gay and even if he were, I could never do anything with him...sexually, I mean. It'd be like having sex with Marc or Toby...and that's the last thing I'd ever want to do."

"I had a close friend like Clint when I was in high school."

"You never mentioned him, Dad. Who was he?"

"His name was Rex...Rex Hastings. We bonded for life and were inseparable."

"What happened to him? Where is he now? I mean, is he dead? Is that the reason you've never mentioned his name before?"

"He's living in New York."

"That's about an hour's plane ride from us. Why haven't you seen him or why hasn't he been here to visit you?"

"It's a long story, son, and one I'd be afraid to tell you for fear you'd learn things about me that no one knows."

"God, Dad, you sound so secretive...so mysterious! Did you and Rex commit some crime and didn't get caught?"

"No, we broke no laws."

"Then what happened to make you never want to see each other again? Did you both have the same girlfriend and get into a big fight over her?"

"There WAS a girl involved, but Rex and I didn't fight over her."

"How is that possible? I mean the way you phrased it, it sounds as if a girl broke you and Rex up."

Ted remained silent as he relived graduation night in his mind. A small amount of tears filled his ducts.

"DAD! Is that what happened? You and Rex...?"

"I've never told a soul, Buddy."

"You and Rex were...?"

"I'm afraid so, son."

"Damn, Dad!"

"That's why I was so surprised when you told me you were gay earlier."

"You mean you were..."

"Yes, son, but only with Rex."

"Mom doesn't know?"

"Not even a hint. What happened between Rex and me stayed a secret...until just now."

"Gee, dad, I..."

"Promise you won't say a word to anyone?"

"Why should I? I told you about me and I expect you to keep that to yourself."

"I won't tell what you said to me, Buddy, I promise."

"But you and Rex? How did it end...and when did you know it was over between the two of you."

"I...I thought it was, son. I was sure of it until...until Rex called me a few days ago and asked if I was coming to the reunion."

"Well, you ARE going, aren't you?"

"I've been trying to find a way out of going without upsetting your mom."

"Just because you don't want to see Rex again?"

"That's about the size of it."

"But if you don't feel anything for Rex anymore...I mean after twenty-five years, then I don't see why..."

"Buddy, when I heard Rex's voice over the phone...well, I'm not sure if I ever really got over him..."

"Holy shit!"

"I feel guilty because, after what happened here today, I can see what a bad father I've been to you, Marc, and Toby...and an even worse husband to your mom. It looks as if I've not only failed all of you, I've failed myself as well."

"Damn, Dad! I...I don't know what to say. I mean if you look at what Marc and I have done, it wasn't you who failed us."

"I don't see how you can blame yourself. Marc got Sandy pregnant. You told me that you're gay, but that doesn't mean you've done anything wrong."

"Dad, you...you don't know the whole story about me."

"Buddy, are you in some kind of trouble?"

"Maybe, Dad..."

"Then, please tell me. Let me be your father this one time!"

"It's a bit complicated, Dad. I don't know if you can help me."

"Let me try..."

"Dad, I'd rather wait until Clint gets here before I tell you."

"Does it involve Clint?"

"Only indirectly."

Clint suddenly tapped on the back door and Buddy arose from the table to let him in.

<><><><><><><><><>

(To be continued in "If Love Were All-6").