All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language, please exit now.
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IF LOVE WERE ALL
by
Ritch Christopher
With literary enhancement by
Les Martin
Chapter Ten
"YOU WANT THE TRUTH?"
While showering, Ted's mind was racing as it had been for nearly two weeks. He had tried, convicted, and executed himself for his fatherly shortcomings and mismanagement, and now he wondered if he had committed an even larger blunder by agreeing to George Walters' proposal of letting Clint and Buddy spend an entire week together...no holds barred, including gay sex experimentation. He tried to think back. Had he ever made the right decision for any of his sons? In the past few days, he had realized that his biggest mistake had been marrying Lisa when he had actually been in love with Rex.
He suddenly regretted that he really had no close friend to confide in. Charles Alford, the Browne family physician, was the nearest person in his life to a confidante, but there were things, things such as Rex, that Ted couldn't talk about even to Charles considering the 'best friend' relationship that existed between their two wives. Anything that Charles let slip to his wife would come back home to roost with Lisa.
Ted began to replay the conversation he'd had with Fred at Andy Panda's a few hours earlier. Fred, a total stranger to Ted, made more sense than any friend of Ted's. Fred had showed Ted a key to happiness that no one else could possibly understand. If only he could get the chance to have a heart-to-heart talk with Rex at the reunion, Ted might get a better sense of what he should do in the near future. He suddenly had an idea. Why not take Lisa to Scofield, Vermont, for the entire week instead of just the weekend for the Yardley High reunion?That way, she wouldn't have to be around the kids for a full week...AND...if there was some way to get Rex to come four days earlier... YEP! That was a great plan! So, as soon as Ted dried himself after his shower, he phoned Lisa at the hospital to see if she would agree.
When he told her about the full week's stay, she jumped at the chance to get away, provided that she could remain in the hospital until Monday morning, have Charles discharge her, and Ted meet her at the hospital entrance with all her new clothes packed to go immediately to the airport. She did NOT want to see any of her sons until after she returned from the reunion.
Part one of Ted's plan was in order...NOW, he would somehow have to call Rex and finagle his early arrival without giving rise to too much suspicion in either Lisa OR Rex about his ulterior motive. Buddy could certainly take care of Toby and Marc for the week. Hell, why not get Clint to stay TWO weeks to help Buddy out with the household chores and tending to Toby.
Ted was unexpectedly happier than he had been for weeks. Although it might be little, there WAS a light at the end of his tunnel. As he dressed for dinner, he started to sing the Yardley High alma mater as loud and as off key as he could.
Meanwhile, Clint arrived at the front door with suitcase in hand and he, Buddy, Marc, and Toby looked up the stairs in astonishment at Ted's singing.
"Buddy?" Toby asked.
"Yeah?"
"Is Dad having another fit like he had in the kitchen the other night?"
"I hope not, Tobe...Believe me, I sure hope not!"
Then Toby looked at Clint. "Why do you have a suitcase with you?"
"I...well,..."
"Toby, Clint's having some family problems and he's going to stay with us for a few days."
"Uh oh," Toby replied.
"What's that 'uh oh' supposed to mean, squirt?" Buddy asked him.
"Did...did your Mom catch you doing something in the bedroom you shouldn't've been doing?"
Buddy and Clint laughed. "No, Toby, my mom never comes near my bedroom when my door is closed," Clint replied.
"Boy, are you lucky!"
"I guess I am, Toby."
"Are you gonna sleep in Buddy's room?"
"I suppose...unless you want me to sleep in your room with you..."
"Oh, no! If Mom comes home from the hospital, she'd think WE were doing something nasty, too."
"Then I guess I'd better sleep with Buddy."
Marc went into the kitchen to take the casserole out of the oven.
"Clint?"
"Yes, Toby?"
"Buddy sorta explained what you and he were doing when Dad and me walked in on you without knocking."
"Oh?"
"It's all right, I guess, as long as Mom doesn't find out."
"Toby, Clint will probably have gone home by the time Mom gets out of the hospital."
"Then can I still come in for a little while at night like I always do...even if Clint is there, too."
"Sure, Tobe, nothing's changed between you and me...as long as Mom's not around."
"Promise?"
"Have I ever lied to you...even about things that you're not supposed to ask about?"
"You mean things like what you and Clint were doing?"
"Yes, things like that."
"Then, no. You've never lied to me."
"And I never will, Tobe."
"OK."
The sound of the Yardley school song grew louder as Ted came down the stairs. "OLD...YARD...LEY...HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH!"
"Hey, Dad!" Buddy said, trying to end his dad's solo concert. "Clint's here!"
"Evening, Mr. Browne."
"Hello, Clint," Ted replied, while eyeing the youth for the first time as his potential son-in-law. 'Damn, if Clint is what Buddy wants, then so be it!' Ted thought. 'If my dad had given Rex and me his vote of approval, maybe the last twenty-five years of my life wouldn't've been so fucked up!' "Buddy, why don't you take Clint's bag up to your room and the five of us can sit down and eat Marc's concoction."
"It's ready, Dad, I just took it out of the oven!" Marc said, proudly.
"Mmmn, and it smells delicious, son!"
"It's a tunafish casserole, Clint. It smells like Mom does, some times," Toby added, an unfortunate comparison which the others tried to ignore although it did prompt a smile from the three older boys.
"We'll be right down in a jiffy, Dad," Buddy said as he and Clint went upstairs to deposit Clint's luggage.
When the two of them were in Buddy's room, Buddy asked, "Do you know what this is all about?"
"Yeah, it was my dad's idea, along with your dad's agreement, to see if I really have gay tendencies."
"That means we're supposed to have sex?"
"As long as it's safe sex."
"How do you feel about all this?" Buddy asked.
"I don't know on the surface. I mean what we almost did the other night has been on my mind day and night."
"No more Lulu?"
"Never! She's turned into a complete bitch!"
"Maybe it's all right to finally say it, Clint, but I never liked her. I stood by in the shadows hoping that one day you would see her as I did...and darned if it didn't finally happen!"
"Tell me about you and Mr. Parsons? What's going on there?"
"I won't lie to you. I had a wonderful session of sex with him this afternoon."
"So I guess that leaves me out of the picture then."
"Clint, my mind is so fucked up. I love you and I want you, same as I have for years, but...I do love Scott, too, but in a different way."
"If you had to choose between the two of us...which would it be?"
"Can we talk about this later when we go to bed?"
"Sure, but if you choose him, then I guess the gay part of my life will be the shortest in history. I don't think I could ever love another guy the way I love you."
"Don't make it any more difficult for me than it is already...OK?"
"OK."
The two of them left the room and came down the stairs to meet the rest of the guys for dinner. The phone rang as Buddy was passing it.
"I got it, Dad!" Buddy shouted toward the kitchen. "Hello?"
"Buddy?"
"Yes?"
"This is Dr. Walters."
"Oh, hi!"
"Buddy, is there anyone near you that might overhear our conversation?"
"Kinda..."
"Can you get somewhere so that you and I can talk privately?"
"Sure, just a minute." Buddy looked at Clint. "Clint, could you go on into the kitchen and let me have a few minutes alone on the phone?"
"It's Mr. Parsons, isn't it?"
"No, I swear. I'll tell you about it later."
"OK," Clint said, dejectedly going into the kitchen.
"All right, Doctor Alford, we can talk now."
"Buddy, I almost didn't call you, but I thought you had a right to know."
"Know what, Doctor?"
"Do you remember how I told you about 'false positives'?"
"Vaguely. What are they?"
"Sometimes when we get quick results from the lab, they aren't entirely accurate until a complete test is run on blood, urine, or sputum samples...and the quick results aren't always entirely true."
"What are you saying, Doctor Alford." Buddy's world seemed to start to crumble.
"I got the early report on your blood work and it doesn't look good."
A bolt of fear went through Buddy's body.
"What is it?"
"The early result says that you might be HIV positive...but remember, that COULD be a false positive until we get the full report back in two weeks."
"Oh, God, no!"
"Now, let's just wait and see what the final results are before you start to panic."
"That's too late, Doctor, I'm already shaking."
"Buddy, this is a 'need-to-know' question and I need a straight honest answer."
"I'll try."
"You said you had had only one partner, is that right?"
"I think what I said was one and a half."
"Can you go into detail without anyone else hearing you?"
"I...I had total sex with my...my 'partner', but before that...this is embarrassing, but...I went to a dirty book store and had anal sex with an anonymous person. I never saw his face."
"Tell me, did you enter him or was it the other way around?"
"I...I went inside him...but I didn't let him do it to me!"
"And you didn't use a condom?"
"...no..."
"Your regular, 'partner'. Did you have unsafe anal intercourse with him?"
"...the first time, I did."
"Again, who entered whom?"
"...We both did."
"Then there are two ways you could have gotten it...provided the test is accurate. Either the guy in the book store gave it to you or it was your partner, which brings on another problem. If you got it from the book store fellow, there's a chance you might have infected your regular 'partner'."
"Oh, God! Doctor, I just did it one time..."
"Once is all it takes, Buddy."
"Geez! What should I do?"
"I think you'd better find some way to tell your 'partner' and let him get tested too. I'll be happy to draw his blood and send it to the lab with utmost confidentiality."
"I don't think I can tell him!"
"Buddy, you must! It's only fair since you might have jeopardized his life as well as your own. Still, there's always the possibility that he gave it to you and not the guy from the book store."
"I don't think it was my 'partner' who gave it to me. As far as I know, he hasn't had any kind of sex with anyone in several years."
"In that case, it MUST have been the guy at the book store and your 'partner' still needs to be tested. If he's positive, he, in turn, could give it to someone else without knowing it."
"Damn! Doctor Alford! I may have fucked up two lives...mine AND his."
"I know this shouldn't make you feel better, but it happens several times every day and night. One quick session of unsafe sex and it spreads faster than a California forest fire."
"Doctor, should I tell Dad?"
"That's up to you, but you might want to wait until we know for sure in a couple of weeks. Your dad and your mom have been under a great deal of stress lately and if the false positive turns out to be incorrect, then we'll have worried them needlessly."
"I...I think you're right."
"Even if you don't tell Ted, you should tell your 'partner' just the same, in case he IS infected and might endanger someone else unknowingly."
"I WILL tell him, somehow, Doctor, and I'll also tell him to call you for an appointment to get tested."
"That's good, Buddy, because it's very important."
"I know."
"And please keep in mind that if you are indeed HIV positive, that's not a death sentence. We can combat that now with medicines and diet. You can live a normal life for many, many years, the same as people who have diabetes and other long term diseases. Do you understand that?"
"I think so."
"I'll be in touch with you as soon as I hear something...and as far as your mom and dad are concerned, why don't you wait? I know both of them are looking forward to their high school reunion next week. So why mess up their trip with bad news which might turn out to be good in the long run?"
"OK, it'll be just between us."
"Thanks, Buddy...and I'm sorry."
"It's all right. Thanks for calling."
Buddy set down the phone in a stupor. Words his grandfather had said years ago came back to haunt him. When his grandfather announced his illness to his family, he began by saying, "Folks, three of the most dreaded words in the English language is when your physician looks you straight in the eye and says, 'You have cancer'." Buddy had heard the newest version of that phrase, 'You are HIV-positive' and it scared the hell out of him!
Buddy realized he was more than likely holding up dinner in the kitchen, but he had to make an important phone call to Scott. Sometimes in movies, TV, and in books, he'd heard the phrase, 'It's a matter of life or death', never thinking that he would ever be faced with the same situation, but reaching Scott ASAP was one of those times. Hoping against all hope that Scott would answer his phone and not Mrs. Parsons, he lucked out and felt a sense of relief when he dialed and heard Scott's voice.
"Hello?"
"Scott?"
"Buddy?"
"We have to meet...now!"
"Is there some kind of problem?"
"Very much so, but it's something I need to tell you privately, in person, and not over the phone."
"I suppose I COULD get away. Where would you like to meet?"
"How about your office on the campus?"
"Sounds good...say, in fifteen minutes?"
"Perfect. I'll see you there."
Buddy had never thought of himself as being an actor, but as he composed himself to go into the kitchen, he knew that he was about to give an Academy Award winning performance of his life now and for the next two weeks. He took a deep breath and locked in a faux grin on his face to tell his dad, brothers, and Clint that he had to make a fast trip to school. He made up some phony excuse about not putting away a new band arrangement in a safe place and it would only take less than an hour before he returned.
No one at the kitchen table bought Buddy's story, especially Clint, but rather confront him and perhaps make him lie, everyone accepted his premise and told him to hurry, but be careful. Buddy told them to go ahead and eat Marc's casserole while it was still hot from the oven and he would eat later. Then he got into his car and sped away toward the campus.
Scott was waiting on Buddy when he arrived.
"What's up, Buddy? More trouble from Lulu?"
"No. But did she call your house?"
"Not yet."
"Good. Maybe she WON'T call."
"Now, what is so important that you wanted to talk to me about."
"Let's go inside your office and sit down. It's very important and I want your undivided attention when I tell you."
Scott unlocked the band room door. His office was on the far side of the room. Once inside, Scott put his arm around Buddy and led the way. He unlocked the door of his office, turned on the light and they both sat down on opposite sides of his desk. He saw the stern look on Buddy's face and knew Buddy was nervous about something, so he reached across his desk to take both of Buddy's hands with his.
"Now, tell me."
"Scott, I...I really don't know how to begin or what to say first, but I might be in trouble...REAL trouble...and you might be, too."
"Are you saying that some member of the faculty or Dean Cunningham knows about us?"
"I wish it were that simple."
"Something worse?"
"Much worse, Scott." Buddy took a deep breath and tried to swallow down the lump in his throat, finally getting the courage to begin. "You know that yesterday I had to go with Dad for a physical exam from Dr. Alford?"
"Yes. Are you ill?"
"Dr. Alford ran every kind of test you could imagine on me...EVERY KIND!"
"And...?"
"He called me about a half hour ago with a preliminary report on some of my blood work."
"It must have been serious for the doctor to call you at home."
"It is, Scott! The lab said...that I'm HIV positive!"
"Good God!"
"I know. Doctor Alford also said that it might be a false positive. Do you know what that means?"
"Yes, my mother thought she had breast cancer and she got a false positive report before the final results came in. Thank God, it WAS false because she was actually cancer-free."
"Scott, if it's NOT false and I am HIV positive, there's a good chance you are too."
"What?"
"Remember, our first time we did anal sex, neither of us used a condom."
"But I thought you said I was your first."
"You were, but not really..."
"What does 'not really' mean?"
"I went to The Foxhole, the dirty book store, one time, about two weeks ago and there was this guy..."
"What did you do with him, Buddy?" Scott asked with serious concern.
"I...I fucked him...but he didn't do anything to me."
"And you didn't use a condom?"
"No. When I went in there, I didn't expect to have sex. It never entered my mind."
"Who was he? Did you know him?"
"I...I never saw his face. I fucked him through a glory hole."
"Oh, Jesus!"
"I told Doctor Alford I had only had two partners...the guy at the book store and you...only I didn't tell him your name."
"If Lulu is spreading rumors as fast as you say, he and the whole town of Holyfield will soon know who you had sex with."
"Scott, I'm so sorry..."
"I know, kid."
"It was my first time...and I was so wrapped up with romantic visions of having sex with you...NO!...making love to you. I didn't stop to think that I was putting you in danger because of my stupidity. I never dreamed that such a brief encounter with the book store guy could cause anything as big as this!"
"Let's just hope and pray that the final report will show you are negative."
"Scott, Dr. Alford told me to ask you to come by his office and be tested. Only he and I know about it...not even Dad suspects anything. Dr. Alford said that he would treat you totally in confidence. No one would ever know...just you and him."
"Buddy, I guess I'm just as much at fault as you. I'm the older, more experienced person in our relationship. I should have insisted on both of us wearing condoms...even if it was your first time...and my first in years."
"He...he didn't know about yours and Mrs. Parsons situation. He asked if it could be possible that you infected me with HIV?"
"I'm afraid I can solve that mystery. I don't believe that I was the one since I've been celibate for the past few years. If I had it, I'm sure I would have developed some symptoms in three years time."
"It MUST have been the guy at the book store. God knows how many others he's infected. It could be hundreds and then those guys could have infected hundreds more. Damn! No wonder HIV and AIDS is spreading around the world so fast."
"Yes, and like the commercial says, you always think it couldn't be me... some other person!"
"What do you think we should do, Scott?"
"Buddy, I meant it when I said I loved you. I do. I guess the only thing to do is for me to go see your Dr. Alford and be tested."
"I was hoping you'd say that...I mean, there's always a chance that I didn't give it to you. You might be HIV negative. Couldn't that be possible?"
"I suppose, but it's something we both need to know."
"In the meantime, I'm not supposed to tell Mom or Dad until they get back from their high school reunion. There's no reason to ruin their trip...especially if I AM negative."
"It sounds like you have a wise old doctor."
"He's not old. He's about yours and my dad's age."
"Thanks for reminding me."
"What?...Oh, that! Scott, I told you that our age difference didn't matter to me."
"I know, but deep down inside, it matters to both of us. There's no fool like an old fool."
"Stop it, please! You're not old!"
"I didn't think I was an hour ago...and now time seems relevant."
"I love you, Scott."
"I love you, too, Buddy, but you need to fall in love with someone closer your age so that the two of you will have many years to share. When I'm sixty, you'll still be in your thirties and at the prime of your life."
"Please, stop talking like that and hold me...PLEASE, just hold me!" Buddy began to cry.
"Come to me." Scott stood and Buddy raced into his arms and the two of them embraced tightly.
"I'm so scared, Scott."
"Me, too, a little."
"What are we going to do?"
"I'm not sure, but I want you to go home and act as naturally as possible. Don't let anyone know...not your dad, mom, Marc, or Toby."
"Clint, my best friend, is there too."
"Good! Go be with Clint. This is the time when you need your best friend."
"But what about you? I love you..."
"Buddy, I'm sorry, but right now, I just want to be alone and think! I promise I'll go see Dr. Alford...tomorrow, if possible, but I have two young sons I have to think about as well."
"Damn, I almost forgot about them!"
"As much as I love you, I still have to think about them first. Kathy? I couldn't give two hoots in hell about her just now. Our marriage has been finished for a long time...but Skip and Bobby...they are my first priority."
"I guess I was selfish."
"No, you weren't. You were just in love with love and couldn't see beyond it!"
"You WILL be here tomorrow, won't you?"
"Sure...but that depends on when and IF your doctor can examine me."
"Call him first thing in the morning. He'll be expecting you. Tell him that you're 'Buddy's partner'. That's all he needs to hear."
"OK, but, please go home now."
"Do you think it's safe if we kiss?"
"Why not? You can't be infected twice with the same disease."
Buddy moved his head around to place his lips on Scott's and they kissed, hard and passionately, as if it was for the last time. Then Buddy left while Scott remained. After the door closed behind Buddy, Scott turned out the lights and seated himself behind his desk and quietly began to cry in the dark.
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(rrrrrrinnnnnggggg)
(rrrrrriiiiinnnnnngggg)
(rrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiinnnnnnngggggg)
"Hello?"
"Is this Louise Drummond?"
"Why, yes, it is..."
"Do you play clarinet and flute in the CU marching band?"
"Yes, I do. Who is this?"
"I might be your worst nightmare!"
"Pardon?"
"I said, 'I might be your worst nightmare'!"
"Is this some kind of joke like in the 'Scary' movies?"
"If I were you, I'd be scared all right!"
"What do you mean?"
"I heard from several of your fellow band members that you're spreading rumors about Buddy Browne. Is that true?"
"I haven't been spreading lies, if that's what you mean. I've only told the truth which is common knowledge around the campus."
"You mean about Buddy Browne being gay?"
"I don't know who you are, but if you know Buddy, then you know he IS gay."
"Maybe he is and maybe he isn't, but I understand that it's YOU who's telling everyone he is."
"No more than anybody else," Lulu was beginning to lose her cool. "For the last time, WHO IS THIS?"
"I might be the last person you'll ever see."
"Is this a joke or are you actually threatening me?"
"Let's put it this way...this is no joke...so what does that tell you?"
"You ARE threatening me!"
"Bingo...and I thought all blondes were dumb. Did you figure that out all by yourself or did you have to 'Google' it for the answer?"
"What do you mean, 'Google' it?"
"I take it back...you ARE like the rest of the blondes, you idiot!"
"Why are you calling me...and WHO ARE YOU?"
"I'm only calling you to warn you that if you say ANYTHING at all about Buddy Browne, after this phone call, then I'd start watching over my shoulder from now on if I were you."
"BUDDY? CLINT? Is that you...disguising your voice?"
"No, bitch, Buddy and Clint don't know I'm calling you!"
"Are you sure they didn't put you up to doing this?"
"NO WAY! I'm calling on my own accord."
"Why did you say I should watch over my shoulder?"
"Because I just might kill you, cunt!"
"You're insane!"
"Good, if that's the case, I can plead insanity if I'm caught...after you're dead, of course!"
"You're frightening me!"
"Good. I mean to."
"You are serious about killing me, are you?"
"Dead serious!"
"What do I have to do to stop you?"
"You're too late! You've done more than enough already. It's up to me now to decide when and how I'm gonna do it!"
"I...I'll call the police and tell them."
"They can't watch you day and night, whore! You gonna stop going to school? Have you gone to church for the last time? Did you enjoy your last stroll outside your house?"
"I don't want to hear any more of your threats. I'm shaking, if that satisfies you!"
"You'll stop shaking as soon as I cut your throat, stab you in the back, or put a bullet in your forehead. I'll stand there watching you die until you stop shaking...then before I leave you, I'm gonna piss all over your body and if I have time, I'm gonna shit all over your face...right after I plant a solid kick in your cunt!"
Lulu slammed down the phone and steadied herself by placing one hand against the wall. She was afraid to move. She really didn't know WHAT to do!
On the other end of the conversation, Seth Alford began to laugh hysterically. "That ought to stop you, bitch! You'll never say another bad word against Buddy for the rest of your life! I might never have Buddy or be his boyfriend, but no one is going to ruin his life, not while I'm around to stop him or her!"
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When Buddy returned home from the visit with Scott, his dad, Marc, Toby, and Clint had eaten, washed their dishes, and had all gone into the den to watch TV. The three older guys had let Toby choose the TV program. No one was more surprised than Ted when Toby cued up the TVland channel, which featured old reruns of seasons past, some in black and white. It was eight o'clock and time for "Father Knows Best", the series about Jim and Margaret Anderson and their three offspring, Betty, Bud, and Kathy. Ted became a bit paranoid seeing that his youngest son wanted to see the all-American family as it should be, certainly not like the Browne household. What Ted didn't know was that the only reason Toby selected "FNB" was that he loved watching Billy Gray, who played the teenage son, Bud or James, Jr., because he reminded Toby of his own brother, Buddy, in looks and personality.
In this particular "FNB" episode, Margaret experienced a tinge of jealousy while assuming that Jim was being unfaithful with a much younger girl, though all Jim was actually doing was trying to hire a new office assistant. Bud had sworn off dating girls for the rest of his life because his date had not liked the clothes Bud was wearing when he came to pick her up for the school prom. Secretly, Bud's resolution made Toby happy because now, Bud would surely decide he was gay and make his best friend his new boyfriend. Poor Toby! He had no idea that in those days, no one was gay. Homosexuality didn't 'exist' before 1970 when a few guys at Woodstock got high on LSD and had male/male sex, supposedly for the first time in history. But still, just looking at Billy Gray could cause Toby to get a boner.
When the 'real' Buddy came into the den, he appeared to be in a somewhat better mood than before he left to go to the CU campus. He spoke to the guys in the room cheerfully and Marc got up to reheat Buddy's supper.
"That's OK, Marc, I'll just nuke it for about a minute and get a coke out of the fridge."
"Need some company?" Clint asked.
"Maybe."
"Then I'll join you."
Clint got up from the couch and followed Buddy into the kitchen while Buddy got his plate of the casserole from the fridge and put it into the microwave.
"Wanna coke?" Buddy asked Clint.
"Sure."
By the time Buddy got the cold drinks, the microwave dinged and the two of them sat down at the kitchen table.
"Did you get your errand completed?" Clint asked.
"Huh? Oh, yeah, that!"
"You really went to meet Mr. Parsons, didn't you?"
"I won't lie...yes! But I don't want Dad to know."
"I don't get it! Didn't you see him enough earlier this afternoon."
"There was something I forgot to tell him."
"Buddy, you are in love with him, aren't you?"
"Perhaps! I...I thought I was until I met him a half hour ago..."
"Lovers' quarrel?"
"No, definitely not."
"Can I ask what happened?"
"Sure, but I'd rather tell you up in my bedroom where there aren't three sets of ears to overhear me."
"OK."
"Damn! Did you eat this casserole? It's hideous...but don't tell Marc I said so."
"I sorta played around with eating it...separating it on sides of my plate to give the illusion I'd eaten it."
"I gotta dump this stuff in the insinkerator."
"Won't you still be hungry?"
"When I heard you were coming to stay a few days, I stocked my room with all kinds of junk...cookies, chips, Cockadoodles, a half dozen cans of Vienna sausages, some Ritz Crackers, and a styrofoam container filled with ice and canned drinks. I can gnosh after you and I go upstairs."
Buddy took his plate of food and turned on the water full blast in an attempt to hide the sound of the disposal in the sink and washed Marc's dish down the drain. Then he washed his plate and put it in the holder to dry.
"Come on, let's go to my room so we can talk."
The two friends passed the den quickly without saying a word to Ted and the boys, and went up to Buddy's bedroom, locking the door behind them. Clint sat on Buddy's bed and Buddy joined him. Then Clint took a long look at Buddy's face.
"You...you've been crying, haven't you?"
"Some..."
"And you said you didn't have a quarrel with Mr. Masters?"
"That's right--I didn't."
"Can you tell me what happened?"
"Clint, you know how close you and I have always been to one another...?"
"Yes."
"...and we've never kept secrets,other than the ones we found ourselves revealing when you and I went to bed the other day."
"If we HAD secrets, we don't have now...so what's this new one?"
"Clint, I have something to tell you which might change our friendship forever. You might want to go home after I tell you."
"Well, I know damned well you can't tell me that you or Mr. Parsons are pregnant. So what could it be?"
"Clint...I'm about ninety-nine percent sure that I'm HIV positive."
"Oh, God, Buddy, no!" Clint's shock was clearly revealedon his face.
"Sounds frightening to you, doesn't it? You have no idea how scared I am."
"I can imagine..."
"I...won't know for a few days, but I think I might have given it to Scott, too."
"Holy shit!"
"That's why I went to see him."
"Buddy? What about me? Is there any chance that I...I mean, when we..."
"Remember what the pamphlet said/ The one we got as seniors at Holyfield High? It said it could only be transmitted by body fluids and since neither one of us reached a climax, I think you're safe."
"But do you think I should get checked just in case?"
"Only if you think Lulu was fooling around with someone else while you were boning her."
"Does Dr. Alford know about you and me?"
"No, I just mentioned the guy at the book store and Scott, only I didn't give him Scott's name."
"Do you think Lulu cheated on me with someone?"
"After what she did to me by calling my Mom, I wouldn't put anything past her."
"I think I will get checked."
"It probably wouldn't hurt and it might put your mind more at ease."
"So, with your ninety-nine percent 'sure' preliminary diagnosis, where does that leave you and me with our two dads' trumped-up week-long experiment for the two of us?"
"Clint, I wouldn't blame you if you got your gear and ran out of my house, never to speak to me again."
"Why?"
"Because I'm so embarrassed. I fucked up my life and probably Scott's too, so why would you want to stick around for me to fuck up yours as well?"
"Maybe because I love you. Is that good enough reason?"
"You couldn't possibly love..."
"Shut up! Please? I DO love you."
Clint took Buddy in his arms, taking one hand to brush Buddy's hair back from his forehead and gently kissed him on the lips. Buddy pushed Clint back to say, "No tongue...just to be safe."
"That pamphlet said nothing about saliva."
"I know, but why take a chance?"
"You know, since the other night when we...well, you know. I've done a lot of soul-searching. I wondered why I stayed with Lulu for so long, when it was you who I really loved, but was afraid to say it because if I did, I'd have to admit to myself that I was gay...at least gay where you're concerned. I don't think there's another guy in the world I could love, much less want to have sex with."
"You really mean that? No bullshit?"
"I do, at least up to a point."
"What's the point?"
"Loving you presents me with a bigger problem."
"Your folks?"
"No, after tonight, the way Dad spoke to me, I think he could accept it if I were gay and wanted to be with you."
"Then, what's the 'bigger' problem?"
"Mr. Parsons. I know you're in love with him and before I submit myself into falling head over heels in love with you, I want to be sure I won't get hurt."
"Scott tried every way he could an hour ago, to find a way to break up his and my relationship, that is, if we even HAVE a relationship. He...he has his kids to think about and I can't help it if he loves them more than he loves me."
"What about his wife?"
"He said that it's over between them. He has no feelings for her whatsoever other than her being the mother of his two sons."
"How does that make you feel, Buddy?"
"I'm not sure. You want to know something funny he said?"
"Sure."
"When I told him you were waiting here at my house, Scott told me that I should be with you, my best friend."
"You told him about what happened between us?"
"Of course not. He just thinks that you're my best friend."
"Is that all I am to you...your best friend?"
"I don't know what to tell you, Clint. I mean, if I hadn't got that phone call from Dr. Alford, I might give you a different answer about the way I really feel about you."
"And what might that answer have been?"
"I'm sure I would have had to choose between you and Scott."
"Lady or the tiger, huh?"
"What do you mean?"
"Skip it!"
"My heart says one thing, but my good sense says the opposite."
"Buddy, I know you can't believe that I could change almost overnight, I mean from being super straight to being gay for you. I find it hard to believe myself. But I know now that I DO love you. I'm sure my telling you that only makes things worse for you in making a decision."
"No, the thing that makes it so difficult is the report from Dr. Alford. If I AM positive, what kind of life could we have together?"
"What kind of life could you have with Mr. Parsons?"
"A bit different if he and I are BOTH HIV positive."
"So what am I supposed to do? Scratch your arm and drink your blood or knock you back on the bed and have sex with you till your semen is swimming inside my blood stream?"
"God, no! That's the last thing I'd want you to do!"
"I'd do it, Buddy, if it meant we could spend the rest of our lives together!"
"That's not an option, Clint! So forget about it!"
"Then what must I do for you to choose me over Mr. Parsons?"
"I probably shouldn't choose either of you! I mean, if I get sick and the HIV medicine doesn't work on me, I wouldn't want either of you around to watch me die from AIDS!"
"I don't think that's gonna happen, Buddy! But even if it did, I'd want to be near you to take care of you and supply your every need."
The complete sincerity in Clint's voice resounded in Buddy's brain...and his heart. "You love me that much, huh?"
"I said I did."
"I guess you and I have both been fools. I went looking for love and it was so close to me all along...right under my nose...YOUR nose, too, only you were too afraid to grab at it when you had the chance!"
"I'm here now, aren't I? And I'll be with you from now on if that's what it takes."
"My mom might have something to say about that!"
"To hell with her, Buddy! You weren't going to live here with her the rest of your life, were you?"
"No, but if I get full-blown AIDS, I just might have to."
"Bullshit! I'll quit school, get a job, and find an apartment for us to live in. I want to be the one who takes care of you...whether you're sick or not!"
"You really mean that, too?"
"It might not be a fancy apartment, but it would be our own place...just you and me! I could still go to night school and get my degree. And as long as you feel like it, you could continue your classes at CU."
"Clint, if you are lying to me..."
"I'm not, Buddy! I swear!"
"What do you know about giving TLC?"
"More than you think! Want me to prove it?"
"How?"
"Get your clothes off and let me start by giving you a back rub. I know you're tense because I am too. Let me make you feel better, starting now."
"I think I'd like that."
"Then, STRIP! NOW!"
"Yes sir."
Buddy removed all his clothing and Clint took everything off except for his tightie-whiteys. Once he was naked, Buddy lay on the bed, backside up. Then Clint crawled onto Buddy and straddled the back of his thighs and began to massage Buddy's back with long strokes.
"God, that feels good!" Buddy said.
"Damn, man, your trapezius and deltoid muscles are as tight as a hardwood floor! You got any body oil?"
"Just some suntan oil on my dresser."
"Stay put until I get it."
Clint jumped off the bed and got the bottle, returned to the bed, and assumed his same position across Buddy's thighs. Then, he rubbed a small amount of oil in his hands to warm it and began to apply it to Buddy's upper back.
"You feel like a professional masseur, Clint? Who else have you done this to?"
"You're the first. It's like the first time we tried sex...I knew what would feel good to me and I did it to you."
"Thank God my mom's in the hospital. If she were to walk in and catch us in this position, she land back in the psycho ward!"
"Don't worry about your mom! You're my responsibility from now on."
"I like it when you say things like that, Clint!"
"I mean it. My dad told me that if I really loved you, then I should fight for you if I had to."
Buddy half turned over to look into Clint's eyes. "Your dad said that?"
"That and a lot more. Buddy, my dad's really giving me a chance to see if I can work things out with you...with his blessing."
"Does that mean you'd physically fight Scott over me?"
"If I had to, yes!"
"Fists or dueling pistols?"
"Whichever it takes!"
"Damn! Two weeks ago, I thought no one would ever care about me, and now, I have two...one who's willing to fight a duel."
"This might sound corny coming from me, Buddy. It's a line I heard from a movie I took Lulu to see. A man told this woman in the film, that he would move heaven and earth for her to prove that he loved her...and now I know what he meant because at this moment I'd move heaven and earth to know that it's me you love and not Mr. Parsons."
"Clint, do you mind if I roll over on my back so that I can see you?"
"No, I can apply some of this oil onto your chest."
"You won't be shocked when you find out that you've given me a huge boner, will you?"
"I bet yours is no bigger than the one you've given me!"
Clint lifted one leg to give Buddy room to turn over on his back. Buddy, not only had a large hard-on, but it was pointing rigidly straight up. Clint looked at it and grinned. "I can see you have tension in other areas. I'd better massage that, too!"
"Take off your briefs! You've seen mine and it's my turn to see yours."
"Oh, God, you husbands are all alike...never satisfied." Clint stood up and remove his underwear and sat back down on Buddy's thighs, both penises were touching.
"Am I your husband, now?"
"Only if you want me to be your husband, as well."
"In that case, I do."
"You do what?"
"Want to be your husband and you, mine."
"Do you mean that?"
"Yes."
"No more Mr. Parsons?"
"No more..."
"Just you and me, Buddy?"
"Just you and me..."
"Forever and ever?"
"As long as I live."
"That's gonna be a long, long time, if I have anything to do about it! I swear to you, I'll take care of you, no matter what!"
"And I'll try to be here for you as long as I can."
Clint lowered himself completely on Buddy's body and kissed him, but this time, he gently pushed his tongue inside Buddy's mouth against all caution. Their decision unified their relationship---they would be a couple from now on.
"On the way over here to your house, I stopped and bought a box of condoms, if you'd like to use one."
"You first!" Buddy replied. "Wear two if you want to."
"I read in Consumer Reports magazine that one Trojan would be enough."
"Then what are we waiting for?" His eyes seemed to say 'I dare you!'
"Nothing, but I guess I'd better take a part time job as well just to keep the Trojan company in business. I have a feeling we're going to buy lots of them!"
Clint leaned over the side of the bed to reach the pocket of his jacket lying on the floor to get the small square tin foiled packet. They made love for two hours never knowing that Toby had been outside Buddy's door listening to their conversation and lovemaking, while waiting to get into Buddy's room to be held.
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(To be continued in "If Love Were All-11").