If It Weren't For the Two of Us Chapter 38
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38
The setting for Matt and Ali's wedding was exquisite. The farmhouse had white curtains draped in swag from the top and in simple columns along the side. White chairs with lace were arranged in rows on a wooden floor. The motif of the wood looked like old fencing and barn doors. It was country chic. To the sides were hay bales stacked in arrangements with arrays of flowers and candles placed atop. Pumpkins added fall décor, along with arrangements of fall foliage, even if it was artificial. It was autumn elegance done in a barn. I loved every bit of it.
Rehearsal went smoothly, and the wedding party and two families went out to dinner.
Matt leaned over to me as our meal was being served.
"I'm so sorry about inviting your parents. We didn't know."
"No problem. Ali's been close to Mom for years. It'll be okay. Dad can't be a big enough ass to make a scene at your wedding."
"Trent, you're my oldest friend. I don't want any painful feelings to hit you tomorrow."
"I promise to bask in the love of the bride and groom and not let anything else in the world affect me."
"You're so mushy," he said softly.
"Oh, you have no idea, dude. You should hear Mike and me."
"I'm glad he's your plus-one. I wasn't sure if you two could make it work. But you did. Can a guy say that you two are an adorable couple?"
"If the guy has good eyesight," I shot back.
We laughed. I hugged him in the seat next to me.
"I'm so happy for you and Ali. It seems like it has been forever, but we're only 22. How long is forever at our age."
"Five years. More. It was right at the end of our junior year in high school."
"Then you know it's for real."
"I couldn't imagine being with anybody else for the rest of my life," Matt said.
—
October 3
Today is Matt and Ali's wedding. I felt it worthy of one of the last pages in this journal. I'm so very happy for them. They've lasted the test of time. Mike and I have for almost eight months. It's funny, I just wanted to make sure the two of us lasted through the break when I started writing this journal. Now, eight months seems like ages ago, and yet, compared to Matt and Ali, we're still young in this relationship. I've never really considered "the rest of my life." Matt couldn't picture his life without her. Did Mike think of me like that? Yet? Do I? I could picture myself with him forever. Our love seems strong enough to last. At what point do you start contemplating such things? Or is just being happy for what is "now" good enough?
Mike and I arrived early because I was in the wedding party. The other groomsmen and I congregated with Matt. I didn't have a chance to really think about my parents. I glanced over to where the guests were parking when a car honked from being locked. Near the end of a row was my parent's car. I knew they were here. I tried not to think about it.
Forty minutes later we were walking down the aisle to begin the ceremony. The weather couldn't be more perfect. Matt and Ali couldn't care less about tradition. They shot a lot of their pictures earlier in the day when the sun was creating a perfect blue sky. We would still take a few after the ceremony.
As I walked down the aisle, I saw the backs of the heads of parents sitting on Ali's side. I took a deep breath. I hadn't seen Dad since blowing up at him at the house. We hadn't communicated at all. I needed to forget that for now. It was the wedding. That was the only thing that mattered.
The ceremony was beautiful. Mike was sitting just behind Matt's family. He looked incredibly handsome all dressed up. I expected the two of us to take several pictures for ourselves. The setting was beautiful, and we looked pretty spiffy. I couldn't help but look at him frequently during the ceremony. He winked at me several times. How I loved that man.
The minister was saying so many things. My mind was all over the place before I realized I hadn't been listening. Fortunately the best man wasn't required to take a quiz.
When the vows started taking place, I shot a glance to my parents. Mom looked nice. Dad was well dressed but my blood boiled just looking at him. I needed to ignore him.
In time, Matt and Ali were kissing and the crowd was cheering. Before long, the wedding party was taking their turns down the aisle. We were told to remain close for a few more pictures. The audience moved to a different part of the barn where the reception would take place. Mike hung back to stay with me. I was glad. He knew so few people here anyway, so that was probably the best for him. I wanted to be with him.
The photographer did a great job of positioning us. I think I was second only to Ali in not wanting to wait to see how they turned out. I told her she had to invite me over the second the photos arrived. Since Mike was standing there, she asked the photographer to take one of the two of us. She wanted one.
She and I chatted when we could during the photo session. I told her how beautifully it all turned out, not to mention her. We hugged a lot in the afterglow of the wedding.
In due time, Matt called out, "Lots of people are waiting to see us. We should go greet them."
Mike walked up to me all smiles. We stayed behind for a minute to shoot a couple of selfies in the setting. I grabbed one of the ranch hands to take a couple more. As we scurried to meet the others, I realized Dad was standing there. He had been watching.
Fuck.
I couldn't avoid it. We had to walk right past him to get to the others. Did I attempt to say anything? Or was it better to walk right past him.
As it turned out, Dad stepped up to us. He initiated a conversation I didn't want to have. Any conversation.
"I realize neither of you wish to see me, and I fully understand that. I don't blame you. I hope you will allow me to talk to you for a few minutes."
My body stiffened. Mike put his arm around me and held me close. Neither of us had any intention of being anything other than a united front.
"There is no reason why either of you should forgive me, but I'm standing here ... asking ... pleading for you to forgive me. I've been living in hell for the past month. I regret my actions. I was wrong. I've watched you two today. I can see it. You two fit. You belong together. You make each other happy. It's not what I ever pictured, but that's ... my shortcoming. I just want to say I'm very, very, very sorry. I hope you can forgive me."
Neither Mike nor I said anything.
"I appreciate you saying that, Dad. I can't say I can just wave the pain away like that and say I can forgive and forget. The wound is deep. But I know it wasn't easy for you to say that."
Mike nudged me forward. "Give your Dad a hug, Trent."
I resisted.
"He's your father, Trent."
Dad slowly held out his arms. I didn't want to move into them. I felt obligated. It was a stiff, awkward hug, but I felt his arms wrap around me. I wasn't ready for this but having Dad hug me did have a small amount of comfort. It was a step. I couldn't deny it.
He probably didn't think I could hear it, but I could tell he mouthed "thank you" to Mike.
"We should probably get in there," I said, breaking the hug.
I held Mike's hand and we walked to the others. We left Dad behind.
The reception was not an all-day affair. There was plenty of food, but it wasn't a sit-down dinner, music and dancing situation. It was simpler than that. It was expected for people to mingle for one or two hours, but not much beyond that.
"Hi, Mom."
"Trent. Doesn't my boy look handsome," she said to me.
We hugged. She then hugged Mike. He accepted it. In fact, he returned it warmly.
"You two look marvelous. Let me get a picture."
We posed.
"I take it your father has spoken to you."
"Yeah. He asked for us to forgive him. I'm not sure how easy it will be for me to forgive and forget."
"I can forgive him," Mike surprisingly said.
I looked at him in shock.
"I'll try, but as I told him, the wound is deep, Mom. He cut us both deep."
"At least we seem to be on the right path now," she returned.
"I hope."
After a couple of minutes of talking about how beautiful the wedding was and how happy we were for the lucky couple, Mike and I moved on.
I wanted to introduce Mike to Ali's parents. I wasn't sure if she had told them that I was gay. Surely, she had, but I wasn't sure what the reaction might be.
"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Angelino. I want to introduce you to someone. This is my ... this is Mike. He's ... he's my boyfriend."
"Hi, Mike. It's wonderful to meet you. Trent, you look so handsome. You both do."
She also wanted a picture of us. We posed and smiled.
Overall, the afternoon went about like that. Smiles, pictures, hugs, hellos. Eventually, we threw rice at the couple as they whisked away to head toward a honeymoon in Hawaii.
—
When we arrived back at Mike's house, neither of us were hungry. We had managed to eat quite a bit between socializing at the wedding.
I was enjoying the fall weather. The evening was getting cool. As the sun was setting just around 7 o'clock, we sat on the back deck. The sky had beautiful color. We brought out a simple blanket and sat under it holding hands.
"How do you feel about talking with your father," Mike sheepishly asked.
"Better. I guess. I don't know. It certainly is a big step forward. I need to acknowledge that. I don't know how you can forgive him though."
"Because he asked me to. He's the father of the man I love. That gives me something to work with."
I squeezed his hand. I just didn't think I could ever forgive and forget. Maybe time will lessen the blow since we have started healing. Maybe.
As the sunlight slowly slid away, we snuggled closer. I talked about all my favorite parts of the wedding. He said his favorite part was how handsome the best man looked. I held him closer.
"Can I talk you into the bedroom?" I asked.
Five minutes later, stripped of our clothes, we slipped into the sheets with a flickering candle casting our shadows on the far wall.
We kissed and let our hands roam over each other's skin.
"What would you prefer tonight, Mr. Best Man?"
"I love just holding you this way," I replied.
We let that be the moment. Holding, touching, gentle groping paired with deep kisses. We rolled and wrestled in the sheets. We could feel our erections press into each other. Maybe it was the wedding; I'm not sure. We were two men deeply in love, and we felt it. My hands grazed his beard. I had shaved my facial hair for the wedding. I figured I would ask tomorrow if he'd like me to grow it back.
He groped my rod under the sheets.
"Bring that up here, baby," he asked me.
I got on my knees and spread my legs over his chest. My erection felt like titanium steel. We had kissed for so long. I was fully aroused with our passion and lust. I let it enter his mouth. I groaned as his lips and warm mouth began to lubricate the length of my shaft. Gently, I moved in and out, thrusting my hips to and fro.
I groaned rather lightly. "Ohhh, Michael. I love you. I love you so much," I called out.
He hummed into my penis. My brain translated it to him returning the same message.
As I fucked his face, I glanced at our shadows. I could see him stroking his dick. His silhouette made it hot. The flickering candlelight illuminated our silhouettes with a romantic glow. Our darkened contours on the wall thrust and arched in masculine grace. Even though I hadn't been on the team in half a year, my torso and arms still looked fit the shadows of our sex.
"Yeah. Oh, Michael. It feels so good," I softly spoke as I continued to thrust my flesh into his mouth.
His hands gripped my ass, but he let one move over, and his index finger began teasing my hole. It wasn't lubed, so it would have difficulty sliding inside, but he still poked and massaged the pucker of my ass. The gesture pleasured me.
We didn't change positions. His oral service continued to stimulate me magically. I had always loved his blowjobs, and our day full of loving commitment made the act of lovemaking more romantic. It literally was making love. I loved him. I loved pleasuring him and being pleasured by him. My thick shaft was harmonic.
I watched the shadow of my hips thrust forward. One hand returned to his dick, and he stroked his erection harder. I liked seeing it projected on the wall.
He moaned louder, enjoying devouring my cock. We worked our rhythm well. I matched his strokes with my thrusts. I felt his moans reverberate through my flesh. The audible seal on my hard, stiff skin was hypnotic. I was lost in the sensation of sex. Loving sex. Powerful sex. Passionate sex. Mike's sex.
"Fuck, yes. Michael, my cock is throbbing in your mouth. You make it feel incredible."
Mike's body began to squirm. He was louder as his legs flinched and bucked. I could see his shadow vigorously stroke his rod. It was incredibly arousing. I growled in my lust.
His finger managed to find a way to slide up into me. I screamed in pleasure. That in turn excited him. I watched his work on the wall. I felt him yell into my cock.
His cum was thick enough to cause a quick shadow on the wall as it sprayed a foot in the air. His hips were writhing in his orgasm.
"God, you're hot!" I called out.
I gripped the base of my cock and stimulated it even more as he continued to suck the farther inches of its stiff length. I was close. His tongue wriggled the underneath flesh of my erection.
"Michael! Yes, Michael!"
My first spasm of semen was met with moaning approval. He continued making it sound like the most delicious dessert as my dick fired shot after shot of cum. I stimulated my cock to get every drop to shoot that I could. The release of male fluid was ecstasy as it traveled through my shaft. I gave one final scream, and my spasms decreased the volume to final drips. Mike engulfed it all.
I moved down to kiss him so that he would share it with me in a deep kiss.
We lay next to each other recapturing our breath. I reached over to slide a finger through his cum, drawing a heart. Mike grabbed my hand. He pressed both of our hands into his seed. We both groaned at feeling the result of our love. Our hands stayed in the sticky liquid for several minutes.
—
The next morning, Mike was up first. I could smell the coffee brewing. I went in the bathroom to pee and then walked out to the living room. Mike was standing naked in front of the patio door.
"Good thing we don't have neighbors that face that door," I said walking up behind him. I held him in my arms, my naked body poking my dick into the crevice of his buttocks. "Penny for your thoughts?"
"Just thinking about yesterday."
He didn't offer anything further. I let go to pour myself a cup of coffee.
We agreed to take a morning jog to enjoy the cooler air. Enjoying slathering each other's bodies with soap and shampoo in a shower following the run, we enjoyed more intimacy. It was more kissing than it was sexual, but equally hot nonetheless.
As we sat at the kitchen table, both enjoying simple stacks of pancakes, I recalled a moment from yesterday when I was introducing him.
"How should I introduce us to others? What do you prefer? Boyfriend is a bit `high school,' so ... lover? That sounds kinky. Partner? What do you suggest?"
Mike got up and went back to the patio door, looking out at the backyard.
"Mike?"
I got up and walked over to him.
"Sorry, baby. Did I say something wrong?"
"No."
"Talk to me, hon'."
"I made a mistake."
"What are you talking about?"
I turned him to me.
"When you graduated, I felt we should take things slow and make sure it was the right thing."
"Right."
"I knew moving in together that fast — like I did with Ethan — was an unrecommended move."
"I understood."
"But now I regret it. I love you, Trent. I wish I had never let you get that apartment. I want you here. Every day. I want you to live with me."
"Mike ..."
I leaned and kissed him deeply. His arms wrapped around me and held me tight.
"I – I'd love that. Oh, honey. I'd love that."
"And to answer your question, I want you to be my partner, living here with me. The two of us, living life together."
"But ... I have a six-month lease. I guaranteed it. It's a heavy penalty to break that."
"I know! That's why I feel I made the mistake."
"It was logical thinking. It was smart; it was safe."
"Safe. But ... it wasn't a decision made out of love. I love you! I'm not sure what to do."
"Meaning ..."
"I want you to live here, but it seems ridiculous to have you pay for that apartment over there."
I kissed him again.
"How about we think on it for a bit. Maybe I can talk to the apartment office this week."
"Ha. Good luck with that. But okay."
—
I called Lance that night. So much to catch him up on: the wedding, Dad, Mike's invitation, etc. He listened intently to all details. I texted him a picture of the two of us all dressed up.
"I don't know what to do, Lance. I want to move in with him — that's a huge next step for us — but I'm stuck in the apartment until the holidays. This sucks."
"Totally. I'm happy for you two."
Lance was very supportive of us. That arrogant basketball player had gone from jerk to a best friend I didn't know I could have. We could tell each other anything. I knew he had stronger feelings for me back in the spring, and now he treats Mike and me as a set-in-stone couple. There is no competition or jealousy. AA had caused him to do so much soul searching. I knew his friends there helped him share things. I hoped he would never replace me, though. I still needed to know what he was dealing with.
After talking, I started warming up some soup on the stove. Lance called back.
"I have an idea. I've been thinking. You have to pay two more month's rent, right?"
"Yeah. Plus, I had to pay the last month's rent as a deposit at this complex, so even though I only have to come up with one more month, I've paid the last already. I can't get that back."
"I was thinking. What if we can reduce that?"
"How. My apartment complex isn't likely to budge. I'd lose that deposit."
"I've been wanting to get Jakob out of the shelter. What if he paid for the final weeks?"
"Lance, I've managed to make my payments on a one-bedroom fairly easily. Well, I don't have a lot left over. If I had a car payment, I wouldn't have any at all. Jakob's job isn't going to ... sorry, buddy ... he doesn't make enough."
"Here's an idea. I'll talk with the shelter to see if they have funds to chip in. If he can pay half, I can chip in some. Would you be willing to just pay a couple hundred a month to get out of it?"
"Totally!!"
"Okay. Let's explore this idea. Maybe we can make it work."
—
Mike was all for it. The four of us worked with a game plan to make it happen within a week. I went back and forth staying at my place and with Mike. It was a gradual process. Jakob owned nothing, so we didn't have to move out my furniture, particularly since there was no place for us to place my things at Mike's. There were still many moving pieces in play, but the idea was working.
—
On Wednesday, Mike asked me if I could stop by his school at 4:00 the next day. I asked why but he told me to trust him. I didn't have a live segment the last hour, so I arranged to take off a little early to make it over to his campus.
I ducked out of my job Thursday afternoon at 3:30, a half hour early.
Mike texted me to come to the library. We sat at a table near the back.
"What's happening?" I said quietly.
"Faculty meeting. I want you here for the beginning. I need you here with me."
That was certainly unsettling. The bulk of the faculty was filing in. I didn't have much opportunity to investigate further. Gayle sat at our table. Mike introduced us. She said she was glad to finally meet me. Mike was fidgeting like mad.
Principal Keeter got up at the front of the group.
"I've been asked by Michael Terry if he could speak for a few minutes before we begin. Mike?" she said, motioning him forward.
He walked up. For some reason I was nervous. I had no idea what was going on.
Mike looked around the room. He looked uncomfortable but took a deep breath.
"Good afternoon, everyone. I don't want to take up too much time, but something is weighing heavily on me, and I felt this was the time to do it. I will tell you I am scared to death — it's not like me to openly address my coworkers — but I felt this was vitally important.
"This weekend ... October 11 to be exact, is Coming Out Day."
Holy fuck. He was talking about being gay. Holy fuck. Holy fuck. I was stunned.
"As our youth are beginning to figure out their identity during their teen years, statistical averages will place at least one or two students in each of your classes that are LGBT. It's just math. I know many of you will have varied opinions on such matters — and you are entitled to your opinions — but I felt it important to emphasize to each of you that those students have a weighty challenge placed upon them. I can tell you. As you've probably figured out, if you didn't know, I'm gay. I know what it feels like to be a kid in school scared to admit who you really are."
I looked for people to fidget or shift their weight at Mike's confession. No one moved. He had their rapt attention.
"I know firsthand what it feels like to think you are completely alone, so different from the rest of your classmates. So many factors of society tell them they are broken. They can't be fixed. And their self-esteem is destroyed. It's scary.
"I asked Trent Kyriazi to come today ..."
A few people turned to me. I forgot how to breathe.
"... Trent came to see me last winter. He was finishing his years at W. Travis., soon to graduate with a college degree. His basketball team had to use our gym on a few occasions. Having remembered me, he felt safer coming to me than he did to his own peers. Even at that age, it was intimidating. Standing in front of you at the age of 31, I can tell you it IS intimidating.
"Not to put him on the spot, but I'd like to ask Trent to describe some of the fears and anxiety he had both when he was here and when he managed the courage to open up to me."
Oh, crap. I didn't expect this. But I talked on the radio all the time. This shouldn't be a problem.
"Hello everyone. I still see a few of my old teachers ... sorry, former teachers ... here. It's nice to see you. Mike is correct. I was scared. It didn't get better in college. I pretty much was figuring it out in high school. My father didn't want to accept that. He said, `We would have none of that in this house.'"
I saw several expressions of sympathy from the teachers sitting near me.
"I had no desire to go on. Life was miserable. It wasn't like I could just flip a switch and not feel what I felt. I hated life. Mike ... Professor Terry to me then ... treated everyone in his class so well, we all looked forward to his class. No matter what, I felt accepted there. I'm sure that was what made me feel safe talking to him. So ... that's it."
"Thank you, Trent," Mike said.
I sat back down. I hadn't realized my heart had been beating faster.
"Many of you will remember last winter, we lost one of our own. Six weeks before Trent came to see me, we came back from the holidays to the news that one of our students had taken his life. We didn't know why. We only knew he felt he had nowhere to turn.
"There is no indication that this student was gay. That could have been one of many possibilities. I can say that suicide is the No. 2 reason for death for people ages 10 to 24. LGBT kids are three times more likely to seriously contemplate suicide than heterosexual youth. While I am grateful that I was able to be a bright light for Trent back then, I ..."
Mike paused. His lip quivered.
"I wish I could have done more. Just the thought of losing Trent ... or any student ... because they felt they had nowhere to turn — it chills me to the bone. Please take a moment to think about your students. See their faces in your minds and make sure you are going to be someone who will be there for them. As I mentioned, Sunday is National Coming Out Day. You never know which of your kids just might be terrified to do just that. Please be accepting. Please be supportive. Many of our kids come from wonderful homes, but not everyone.
"Trent and I have a friend. His family kicked him out at the age of 17. He was honest with them — told his parents he was gay — and they gave him 24 hours to be out of the house."
Many of the faculty members groaned at hearing Jakob's story.
"He went on to a path of abuse, alcoholism and homelessness. He's putting his life together now, nine years later. I think he's amazing for surviving as long as he did.
"Full disclosure, Trent and I have become close this summer. I have been inspired by his courage since he came out to me. Otherwise, I would never have been able to face this group the way I am doing right now. I did have to face an accusation from his father that I must have done something to his kid in high school that turned him gay."
"That's obviously not true!" I called out.
Mike smiled at me.
"But I wanted to impress upon you, to implore you, to be vigilant in your classrooms. Don't ignore homophobic comments and names. We wouldn't do it with race; don't do it with this. PLEASE, let's never lose one student to this.
"Thank you for letting me speak."
Mike walked back to me through a thick round of applause. Gayle and a few others stood in response to his remarks. I stood to hug him.
"Thank you, Mr. Terry. Your words were powerful," Principal Keeter said. Clapping continued for several more seconds. "Trent, we're getting to the really boring stuff now, so I'll let you slip out."
The faculty lightly chuckled. A few former teachers waved as I got up. Mike escorted me to the door.
"You were awesome," I told him.
"I about shit my pants," he said. "Thanks, babe, for being here for me."
"I'll see you when you get home, hon'. Our home."
"Love you," he said, turning back to rejoin the meeting.
—
Mike texted me to let me know the meeting went long and he still had some work to do. After replying that there was no hurry, I let him know his performance earned an equally powerful one in bed tonight.
It was after 6:30 when he pulled into the driveway.
"Welcome home, my big, hairy orator you," I said with a bear hug.
"Thanks."
"I'm proud of you, hon'. Thanks for inviting me to be there."
"I needed you there. You were my source of strength."
"You're sweet. So, did anyone say anything to you afterward?"
"Oh, about 700 people."
"Well, that's good. I mean, positive comments, I hope?"
"Yes," Mike confirmed. "We have two super religious teachers that may have been a little chilly toward my talk, but I think they knew I had the best interests of ours students at heart despite their views on homosexuality. A few hugs. Lots of `nice jobs.' Later in my classroom, one of my coworkers came to my room. A woman. She came out to me. Gayle had indicated we had one or two lesbian teachers on staff, but I didn't know who. I wouldn't have picked this person as one of my first choices. It was interesting. She was very moved by my talk. And appreciative."
"Aw. You're a star."
"No. No, I'm not. I was nervous as hell. My heart didn't stop pounding until after the meeting."
I hugged him again. He held me and we stood silently embraced for a moment.
"I love you," I said.
"Love you too, babe. I'm so glad I get to come home to you every night now. You don't know how happy that makes me."
We returned to the hug, followed by a deep, passionate kiss.
"I gave Jakob your key to the apartment today. He is now out of the shelter. I told him I may get some things on Saturday and that we would come visit."
"Sounds nice," Mike said.
"I'm all yours now, 100%. Please don't get tired of me," I smiled at him.
October 8
Mike drifted off to sleep. What a big day for him. His speech to his fellow faculty members was touching. I had no idea he was planning it. I'm sure he didn't tell me because part of him was probably trying to convince him to chicken out. He was brave today. I'm proud of him. It was great he included me, even though he threw me a fastball in the middle of it.
I was going to reward him with wild, intense sex. Surprisingly, it was one of our most tender, subtle nights of lovemaking. Long, slow, affectionate and quiet. Us! After almost an hour of affectionate passion, he fell asleep quickly. I found it hard to go to sleep. I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that I live here. I live HERE. It's such a huge step. Mom seemed excited for us. I even talked to Dad for a few seconds, and he offered congratulations. It sounded sincere to me.
Lance has told me a few personal stories of those from his meetings. Just seeing Jakob, it causes me to stop and feel grateful. I am so extraordinarily happy. I'm not sure why I deserve this, but it seems like I have been given a lifetime of happiness at the age of 22. Life is sure to deal some harsh blows in the years ahead, but for the moment, I'm relishing being in heaven.
—
That Friday, I worked with my three sets of on-air personalities for the upcoming week. Typically, the early morning guys were zanier, trying to be funny as people commuted to work. The afternoon segment was primarily focused on sports. I got to interject more with the late morning show. They often spoke of things around town, and I loved spotlighting Jackson Bend.
Having heard Mike's comments to his faculty the day before, I pitched Coming Out Day as a topic. Ed and Tara seemed open to the idea for Monday morning. They knew I was gay and wanted to confirm that I would be okay interjecting. I assured them I would be comfortable with it.
The 10:00 Morning Show: For Your Information had good ratings. Ed and Tara had been with the station for more than a decade. Our state and regional tourism departments would often use them in filmed segments. I can even recall hearing their voices from my teen years. I liked working with them.
After broaching the topic several minutes into the show, the duo introduced me as an actual guest today. I still had to be in the booth to handle callers and such, but I was engaged in the conversation. Many callers told stories of their coming out, one of which was actually inspired to do so on National Coming Out Day. A couple people called to state their religious perspectives and differing opinions, but the conversations were always calm; no one was upset.
One wasn't quite as polite.
"I certainly respect people of faith and understand differing views," I said on air. "But I ask you to think on this. God made me this way. It seems rather harsh for me to believe that He made me gay, but then tells me that not only can I not love anyone, but that I can't be loved as well. Why would a loving God do this?"
The caller went silent. "Well, he didn't make you gay; you chose to be gay."
"No sir. I wouldn't choose to be gay if I weren't. My family had a hard time with it. It's difficult to be gay. It is scary to be different from your peers. I struggled with it all through college. Just for me to open up to you today still requires a certain amount of courage."
"I'm ... I'm sure it does. I just don't think anyone is actually born gay, but things just cause it."
"And I respect that you are entitled to your perspective, but I'd like to tell you about a friend of mine. He was raised in a very strict family. He had a good upbringing, but they rejected homosexuality. In high school, he faced the reality that he was indeed gay. Instead of lying to his parents, he admitted his true self to them. They kicked him out of the house within 24 hours. That's ... that's not something a young kid `just chooses.' He has had to endure a life on the streets, finding any place to live. It has taken him years to start to build a life as an adult. I'm pleased to call him my friend. He has a wonderful heart and is certainly kind, even with what life has thrown at him."
"Well, I don't think any parent should do something like that. That seems cruel."
"Indeed. No matter what your view, these are people. Real human beings with real feelings. They hurt, they bleed, they feel. I think everyone should respect individuals with dignity, no matter what their race, orientation, nationality or political view."
"Well said, Trent," Tara added. "Thank you for calling, sir."
Overall, the show was going well. We seemed to be engaging listeners, and comments were primarily positive.
"Teresa is our next caller," Ed announced. "Where are you calling from, Teresa?"
"Oh. Here in Jackson Bend."
"Well, thanks for calling in. What would you like to say?"
"I'm ... I'm not sure if that man on your show... Trent? ... is friends with my brother or not. We ... our family ... well, my parents ... we kicked my brother out when he was 17. It could be someone else, of course, but I can tell you, it changed our family. My parents said it was for the best, but our mother kept wanting him to come home. The pain is still with her to this day."
Wow. I knew Jakob had a sister, but I didn't know her name. I wondered if it was her. I avoided mentioning names on the radio. For Jakob's privacy, I didn't investigate.
"Has she reached out to your brother?" Ed asked.
"No. My father is very strict. He won't budge. But I know it is hurting her. That Trent is right. How can you not treat a person with kindness ... your own son? I know it hurt me! For any parent who would remotely contemplate such a thing for a second, don't. It tears a family apart."
"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Teresa. It must have been tough," I said.
"It still is. But at least I got to see him recently. I'm trying to stay in touch."
"That's great news," Tara said. "He needs you, and it sounds like you need him. Please keep that connection going."
"I will. And Trent, I hope your friend is okay too."
October 12
The station owner drove to the studio today. He said my segment was one of the best he's ever heard. The manager called me into his office before I left today. He told me I was being given a raise.
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Email: timothylane414@gmail.com