If It Weren't For the Two of Us Chapter 16
Thank you for your continued support of Extracurricular and If it Weren't For the Two of Us. I enjoy hearing from you.
Please don't forget to show your support of the Nifty platform, which is dependent on donations to keep all this content possible.
16
Lance returned Sunday night. I received a text.
"Back."
I walked to his apartment instead of texting back. As he opened the door, he smiled and gave me a hug. He already had an open beer in his hand.
"Missed you," I said. "How was your weekend with the folks?"
"Good, I guess. It feels odd knowing that I will graduate in two weeks but won't immediately go home. It was nice we got this visit in."
"How long can you stay in the apartment? I thought we were all paid through May 17, but then had to turn in keys. Unless you're enrolled in summer classes."
"I paid for two additional weeks. I'll have the place to myself, I guess. Right guys?" he said looking at Zach and Cole. They nodded. "Maybe you can come over and keep me company now and then."
"Mike still has to work three more weeks before getting out for summer, so maybe."
"Lance, Trent was awesome this weekend. Not only did he help out Saturday, but he also got Tariq to help too," Zach said.
Lance lit up like a proud parent.
"I just asked Tariq if he would be willing to help. He's going through ... stuff," I said.
Zach and I told Lance about all the work and the accomplishments we achieved. Lance looked a bit bewildered that the two of us were involved in something together. He had not done much with his own roommate.
Lance shared a few moments from his weekend with his parents. "My dad is so awesome. I love him. He's just the best. It is kind of hard to think I will be completely moving away from them."
I saw Zach's face kind of wince, like he had appendicitis.
"Zach?" I asked. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah." His response was flat and unconvincing.
"You sure?"
"Yeah. It ... just is ..." He stopped. "I guess I will never know what that feels like. I called Mom this afternoon. I said, `I guess I'll be seeing you soon when I come home in two weeks.' Her response was, `I suppose so.' That's it. That was the emotional depth."
I walked over to hug Zach. As we held each other, I asked if he wanted to join us, but he said he was fine.
Lance and I grabbed dinner at the bistro. Sandwiches and chips basically. I shared what I knew about Zach's situation with him, as well as Tariq's.
"How was your date Thursday?" I asked.
"Fine." That was it. Nothing more.
"Movie? Dinner? Ice Cream? I asked. "Sex?" I threw in.
"No. Yes. Yes." He paused. "And no."
"I see," I replied.
"It was an enjoyable evening," he said. "We'd been out twice in the past. We had sex on the second date because her roommates were gone that night. We didn't really pursue it last week. I guess no place was available. She probably would have been willing again, but ..."
We sat silently.
"But...?" I inquired.
"I didn't really care. She wouldn't be you. No girl would be you."
"True. My penis is bigger than most girls'."
"You know what I mean."
"Do I?" I asked. "Lance, have I hurt you?"
"No. No, buddy," he quickly returned. "But ... kind of."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. The two of us last week ... I'm never going to get that with a girl. It all feels good and everything, but there's no fire, no ..."
"Cocks?" I sarcastically interjected.
"Actually, no Trent," he said staring into my eyes. "We click. I'm so afraid I won't with anyone else."
"Lance, it's a big world. You'll find the right ... girl. Or guy. You're an amazing catch. Figure out what you want. The right person will come along. I just can't be it."
"I know."
We got quiet for a moment.
"My parents are throwing a party following graduation. What are your plans?" I asked.
"Mom and Dad will come over and then we'll do dinner. They'll drive back," he said.
"Would you like to come to the party at our place? You know, after dinner?" I invited.
"I would. Thanks, man."
May 3
I feel Lance is hurting. Everything he knows is starting to slip away. Including me. What if that leads to more drinking? With finals this week and next Monday, it will be hard to spend time with him.
I had my first final on Tuesday. It was one that required a lot of memorization. I was sure I wouldn't remember any of it a month from now, but I was through with it, so ... great. I had the second final on Thursday. My Monday-Wednesday- Friday classes had one final on Friday and the last two on Monday.
Once the second one was out of the way, I felt I should go get the HIV test done at the pharmacy. I felt I had waited the proper time since ... Detrell. I called Lance to tell him.
"Wow. Do you want me to go with you?" he offered.
"Lord, no. It's just blood work. I assume it goes fairly quickly. But that's very kind of you."
I wanted to say I felt brave and responsible and grown up, but all I really felt was scared.
May 5
Well. That's done. I had the test taken today. The odds of Detrell infecting me with anything is slim, but I have to admit a tiny part of me is terrified. I'm 22. What if things drastically change this early in my life. He seemed so reckless; I can't deny the possibility. Fuck him!
—
During the last weekend before graduation, I felt like doing something. I wouldn't get to see so many people for very much longer. But I wanted to keep an eye on Lance, and I wanted to try to squeeze in time with Mike.
I rang his phone Friday night.
"Hey babe," he answered. "I'm glad you called."
"Good. Nothing's wrong is there?"
"No. Oh no," Mike said. "I just love hearing your voice."
"You know just the right words to make me melt," I said and heard him chuckle.
"How much do you have left to go?"
"Two finals Monday. One of them will be my toughest. I plan to study the entire day Sunday. However, it is my last weekend. I feel like I should spend it with some of my friends. As much as I'm ready to be done, I'm not sure if I'm ready to let go of all these people."
"Well, that is completely understandable, baby. Maybe you'll have time tomorrow to get in a good visit before you dive into studies."
"I hope. And that's one of the reasons I called. Before I say goodbye ... I don't know why it's important ... but I'd like for some of them to meet you."
"Oh. Well, that's nice. I'm okay with that. But can I ask, why? You won't see most of them ever again. Why is it important to throw me in at the last minute?"
"I'm not sure," I said. "Part of me thinks, `Why should they care?' But I want them to know the real me, the whole me. The true me. You're a part of that. If we just go out for pizza, would you be willing to come with me?"
"I'd hike across the state to be with you. Thank you."
"Great! I'll text you details."
"You'll be happy to know I am about to go for a run," Mike said.
"Seriously?! Damn. I'd come over to join you, but I'm going to start calling about tomorrow."
"Do your thing. We'll have time together soon enough. Love you."
"Me too, hon'. See ya."
May 8
I spent two hours calling as many friends as I could. We're doing lunch tomorrow. I called Parma Sean's to see if they could set up a table for 20. I'm excited that most of the team could come, Matt and Ali and a few others.
This is it. Tomorrow will most likely be goodbye. It may not be forever, but it very well could be. I'm exuberant about being almost done, and yet, I must admit I'm very sad. Even with ups and downs, these have been a great four years.
—
I arrived a few minutes before noon. I made sure the table was set up. This was all sort of my idea. There was nothing to be "in charge of," but I wanted it to be great. People started showing up quickly. Sometimes in pairs, sometimes individually. We all sort of mingled around the table, but no one sat down yet. The server started asking if he could get us drinks. People continued to straggle in. Oddly, Mike had not. I hoped nothing had come up. As new people arrived, more selfies were taken with friends. It was a time for pictures.
Rich showed up. I got a few stares from friends wondering if it would be awkward. When he and I gave a quick hug, any tension dissipated.
Mike walked in. I practically beamed with light. He walked over and hugged me. I picked up my glass of Diet Coke and clinked it with a knife. Everyone stopped and gave me their attention.
"I want to introduce someone to most of you," I said to the group. "A few of you know Mike, but before I have to say goodbye to so many of you, it would mean something to me for you to know how special this man is to me. Mike is my ... boyfriend. And yes, the two of us are well aware that he is older than me."
There were some light chuckles. A couple of my friends failed at awkwardly trying to disguise a look of shock.
"I really didn't let you all know "the whole me" before a few weeks ago. Mike and I have known each other for several years. We reconnected a few months ago, and he helped me come to terms and accept who I am. We didn't expect to, but ... we fell for each other. We've done a good job of waiting until I'm done with school, but ... he has helped me a lot. He's made a huge difference in my life. At the beginning of this semester, I was ... I was a mess. I didn't know how to accept who I was. Mike helped me. I just needed a friend to talk to, but he turned out to be 10 times more than that. All of you have been great about accepting ... me ... the past few weeks. The real me. I am very grateful. And ... I'm proud that I feel so confident that I can introduce him to you. Everyone, this is Mike."
"Hi, Mike," the group said.
Mike looked incredibly embarrassed but smiled through it. He gave me a hug, but I knew he wanted to crawl under the table. A few of my friends came over to introduce themselves.
"Mike, you look like you are in front of a firing squad," Lance said to him.
"Is it that bad?" Mike responded.
"You don't know a lot of people here. Is it okay if I sit next to you and Trent?"
"Please."
While Lance wasn't the only one in the group to have a beer, Mike, Tariq and I noticed that he had almost finished one before we ordered. It was a weekend at the end of college. That wasn't so bad, was it? Unfortunately, we all seemed hyper vigilant now.
Matt and Ali came over to talk to Mike. They talked wedding details a bit and expressed excitement that I was a part of it.
"I hope you can come," they told him.
Wow. That's almost five months away. It was cool that the two of them felt we would still be together. I felt that way, but it was nice someone else saw it too.
"Hello everyone!"
"Coach!!" the team members called out.
"I'm sorry I can't stay, but I wanted to pop in a couple minutes and say some hellos. Unfortunately, it is a lot of goodbyes as well."
Coach went around the table. Most of the players gave him a hug. It was nice to see him and Rich embrace. I think the team was pleased to see that. A couple of them had brought girlfriends, and Coach was introduced to them. When he got to us, it was my turn.
"Coach, I need to introduce someone. This is Mike. He's my ... we're a couple. I wanted you to know how important he is to me."
"I actually came to a few games this spring. You did a great job with this team," Mike politely said.
"Thanks. Your Trent was a real superstar at the end."
I thought about what he said. "Your Trent." I was expecting a weird look from the coach, like Mike was older, he had to be a predator or something. There was nothing.
"Take care of him," he said to Mike, shaking his hand.
Coach gave a final wave to the group just as the pizza was being served. We made him take a slice on the way out. He did so with a smile and laugh. And napkins.
As we ate, I watched Tariq and Amanda. They looked so happy together. I really hoped that things would work out. I knew Tariq had a huge obstacle to get over. I knew I didn't know how I would handle it. I took a few minutes to visit with her. Like Matt and Ali — and Mike — she didn't know everyone.
Mike had to excuse himself and head out.
"Nice meeting you, everyone," he said to the group.
I stood up next to him. Before he left, I gave him a quick, simple kiss. He waved and left. I questioned whether that was an okay thing to do in front of my teammates, but Avery gave me a thumbs up and John nodded at me.
"You two are so cute together," Amanda said.
"Thanks."
"Okay, man. How much older IS he than you?" Aram said with a smile.
"Just the right amount," I said.
A couple friends looked slightly awkward about the conversation, but most everyone was very cool. A few said some nice things about Mike — and us. Lance looked like he was being stabbed when the conversation was about the two of us.
Most everyone stayed until almost 2. Goodbyes were tough. There were many hugs and enough watery eyes to go around.
May 9
This afternoon was incredible. I'm so glad I called everyone to meet. It worked out perfectly. They all seemed nice to Mike. I feel great. I'm sad I won't see most of those people again, but the lunch was a perfect way to accept it.
I made sure to get a few addresses and emails from some of the players I was closest to.
I hate to have to study, but it is the last two days I have to do so. Glorious!
Before diving into the books, I texted Mike.
"I'm sorry to embarrass you today. You really took it in stride. Don't hate me. You're so important to me, I wanted to show you to the world. Now I have to bear down on these last two tests."
He texted back a heart.
—
It was 9 o'clock. My eyes were blurry from studying. I hadn't eaten anything since pizza at lunch.
My phone plinked indicating a text. It was Lance.
"What are you doing?"
I called. "Thank heavens. If I studied another minute, I think my mind would have disintegrated into a puff of smoke."
"That bad, huh?"
"It's a tough one. I'll refresh tomorrow and then dive into my other final. What's up?"
"I'm restless."
"What does that mean?"
"Can we go for a drink?"
Uh oh. I didn't like that.
"Didn't you have beers at lunch?"
"Stop being a parent, and say you'll come with me."
I really didn't want to drink, but I didn't like the idea of Lance drinking alone. I didn't want to feel like a chaperone, but if I framed it in the scope of "best friend," the idea was more tolerable.
"Only if I get to pick the place."
"Oh?"
"Yes. I'll drive."
Five minutes later, I was knocking on his door. When he gave me a hug after opening the door, I could smell beer on him. I was glad I was driving, but I had to wonder how much he had already had.
"Let's go."
I started my car.
"Why did you want to go someplace?" I asked.
"I needed to get away from here."
"Okay." I was silent and he didn't offer anything further. I reached over and touched his arm. "What's wrong?"
"Let's just get off campus."
I drove to the gay part of town. I could see Indigo down the street. I still shuddered knowing that parking lot — and that Detrell incident — was right down there. Not a chance we would go there. There was a cute coffee shop called Joe, but I had a feeling Lance wouldn't go for coffee. We pulled into Daniel's.
As we walked in, the place was pretty full. It was a Saturday night. We managed to find a small table at the side. Most tables had three or four people around them, but the two of us fit this one well, even if we didn't have much breathing room around us. A server in cutoffs and a tight tank top took our order. I had a glass of Cabernet and he stuck with a beer. He had eaten dinner but ordered nachos. I ordered a chicken quesadilla. I noticed Lance look at two guys making out at the table next to them. Their friends paid no notice to the two men.
"Why did you choose this place?" Lance asked.
"I can be myself here. It was the first place Mike took me."
"Hmm. A bit loud, but at least it isn't a night club."
Our drinks arrived.
"What started you on wine?" he asked.
"Oh, I don't know. Our family had it on special occasions. Even though I was underage, my parents let me drink it once I was in college. I have a taste for it."
"Hm. I'll stick with my beer."
"How many have you had today?"
"What I wanted."
I didn't pursue it, but that answer told me he had quite a few as much as it told me to back off.
"Talk to me, buddy. Why the desire to get off campus?"
Lance took his eyes off the kissing couple, who now had hands up under shirts.
"I don't know. I was in a funk. The university was bringing it on."
"Why so?" I asked.
"Lunch."
"What? I thought it was awesome. I loved seeing everybody."
"I did too ... for the LAST time. As I sat in the apartment, all I could think of was everything around me was being taken away. Our team, Trent, it's gone. Those guys ... they're gone!"
It was hard to tell with the lighting, but I got the sense that Lance's eyes were welling up. If he had been drinking throughout the day, I was sure all the beer had caused him to spiral. I knew his body language; it oozed gloom. As lousy as he was feeling, the guys making out seemed to be an intriguing diversion for him. The two men hadn't stopped for several minutes. One looked to be in his late 20s, the other was probably a year or two out of college. The older one took his hand from under his lover's shirt and groped the younger man's cock through his jeans. The angle of light was just enough to where the two of us could see the stiff bulge from within. Lance was mesmerized.
"They aren't gone, not really," I said, causing Lance's gaze to return to me. "Yeah, we may have to make an effort to see each other now and then, but that's what friendship is."
Our food arrived a few minutes later. I scarfed down half of my food in a couple of minutes. Lance randomly reached for his nachos. He continued to look around the place.
"What do you think of this place?" I asked.
"It's okay. I like it, I guess."
"It wasn't nearly as crowded my first time here, but it wasn't a Saturday night." I noticed a poster on the wall. "See that picture?" I said, pointing with my head.
He looked and turned to me and nodded.
"It reminds me of a guy I was looking at on my computer when I was a high school sophomore. I was starting to think about guys and ... well, getting hard when I did. Dad walked into my room and saw me. The two of us were never the same after that. He told me, `We'll have none of that in this house.' We never discussed anything about it again. We were just ... instantly strained almost. We've had a few pleasant moments, but I haven't been close to Dad in years. You don't know how lucky you are."
The table on the other side of us cackled and made us look. Lance turned back to me and leaned close.
"Lucky!? LUCKY?? Trent, I'm ... falling apart."
"Talk to me. What can I do?"
"You can't! You're in love with Mike. Everything is going great for you. You've got it all!"
"Got it all??" I said, astonished, with a very rebuking tone. "You have a job lined up. You know where you are going to stay. I have nothing. I haven't a clue what my life is going to do. Your family has money. You never had to worry about anything. I ... I don't have anything saved up or coming my way."
Back on the other side of us, the younger man had now wriggled his fingers into the zipper of the older man's jeans. The two of us looked at each other and gave a weird look.
"They might as well just take their dicks out at this point," I smiled.
Lance laughed and nodded. He laughed some more. Then he gulped a big swallow of beer. The server asked if we'd like another drink. Before he could answer, I said, "We're good. But could we both have a glass of water?"
Back on the other side of us, the group of guys got loud again.
"Oh, don't even go there!" one of them screamed. "I'm not having any of it! Any time a guy says he is in love with someone else and has his cock balls deep in another dude ... sorry, I'm not buying it. Uh-uh. I don't like to ghost anybody, but I have no interest in Barry being in my circle of friends anymore."
"But, Jesse, you and Barry have been friends for years!" one of his friends chided.
"Uh-uh. Too bad. I'm done. I'm not letting him think that was okay."
They continued to argue and laugh, but the disagreement had brought the night Lance and I spent together a couple weeks ago to the forefront. Back in February, Mike and I had agreed we wanted to be a couple, and when Lance talked me into jacking off with him, I was devastated with guilt. Now, two weeks ago, we actually fuck — I fucked him! — and ... I was okay with it? I said it gave me clarity, but would Mike see it that way? Should I tell him or keep it a secret? Jesus, I didn't want to keep secrets. What if that ends it for us? What a stupid, fucking mistake it was to have sex with Lance? God, I loved Mike. I ... I couldn't see a future without him.
I stopped eating. I stopped drinking. I stopped moving. I stopped breathing.
"Trent," Lance said, like telling a dog to stay. "I know where your mind is at. Don't do it."
"I'm shit."
"Stop it. Stop it. You love Mike. You are so in love with Mike. Everyone saw it today. Most of all, I did. As much as it pains me, I can tell you two are supposed to be together. He loves you. I could see it. We all could. As awkward as he felt today with a group of college kids, it was there. He was all about you. We could see it. That's what you need to think about."
I took a gulp of water, still feeling like garbage.
"How did you know what I was thinking?"
"Because you're my soulmate. I love you more than any friend I've ever had. I've lost my chance to be ... with you. That kills me. But ... you and me, we'll have each other's backs forever."
I put my hand up to my mouth and looked at Lance. I breathed in and out. Then I took my hand and reached for his.
"I will always have your back. Thank you."
Lance felt comfortable holding my hand for a couple of minutes. We were surrounded by people, and he exhibited male-on-male affection. I felt it a step forward.
"See? I told you I could be myself here. Looks like you can too."
"Ha. That's impossible. I don't know who I am. All I know is everyone I love and everything I know is leaving me in a week."
May 9, Part 2
Well, Lance paid for my dinner tonight. Money is getting tight. He seems to have no money problems and has a job and a place lined up, and yet he thinks I have everything. I'm one week away from being thrown into the lake. I guess I should learn how to swim.
I love him. I worry about him. I wish he could find someone who could love him back the way he needs. Damn it, I want him to find the right guy!
—
It was Monday morning. I got my final exam results back from my first two tests on Tuesday. One I totally aced; the other was a 3.2. I was okay with that. While I was in class, a call came into voice mail. After class I played it.
"Hi Trent. This is Jennie at the pharmacy. When you have a chance, give us a call, okay?"
Fuck! I called Lance.
"Can you meet me at my apartment? I'm freaked."
"I can in 30 minutes. What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"Just meet me!" I said panicking.
It was almost 40 minutes, but Lance knocked on the door.
"What's wrong, buddy? What's going on?"
"The pharmacy called. They said they wanted to talk to me! If the results are good, they just tell you that, don't they? They want you to call when something's wrong!! I'm scared. Lance, I'm really scared. I just didn't want to be alone when I call."
"You're trembling, Trent," he said, grabbing me. He held me tight. "It could be anything. Anything. Don't freak about something you don't even know. Let's find out. I'm here. I'm right here, no matter what they say."
"O-okay," I said, my voice quivering.
I called the number. Lance held me from behind. His arms wrapped around me in the warmest of embraces.
"It'll be okay," he whispered in my ear. "I'm right here."
"Hi. Uh yeah, my name is Trent Kyriazi. Jennie called and said you ... uh ... needed to talk to me."
My heart was beating faster than it had in weeks. My body trembled some more, and Lance gripped me tighter. I listened to silence a moment. The man at the end of the line seemed to be searching.
"Oh, look under Jeremiah Trent Kyriazi. Yes."
Lance held me as my eyes paced back and forth. "It's all going to be okay," he whispered.
After listening for a couple minutes, I said, "Dr. Owens. Uh huh. Yes. Thank you."
I hung up. Lance whirled me around.
"What is it? Tell me, Trent! What is it buddy?"
"The results were negative. They had given me the college rate but failed to log which doctor referred me. For their records they needed Dr. Owens name. It didn't get recorded. It was an accounting thing."
Lance's face lit up and we both laughed. We laughed until we started jumping. We jumped for a solid minute.
"Thanks for being here," I said giving him a bear hug.
"I'm always here for you, buddy."
We held each other for a long time. We didn't say anything. It was just holding. Before letting him go, I squeezed him tight. He kissed me on the cheek and headed out the door to let me finish some studying.
May 12
I was given the most hellish scare of my life. Fate worked on my behalf. The test was negative. I can't imagine what I would have done if it wasn't. Dear God, that is such a relief. It was like an elephant was sitting on me and finally moved.
I went for a 90-minute run.
+ - + - + - + -
Share comments or thoughts on the blog: timothylane414stories.blogspot.com or in an email: timothylane414@gmail.com
More coming soon.