Ian's Extra Credit

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Ian's Extra Credit - Chapter 16

Another bright and sunny early Saturday morning. The weather is really starting to improve. I've missed this. There have been too many gray mornings. I have the windows and the door open here in the kitchen, causing the room to feel so fresh and airy. I shiver just a bit. It's not warm, warm, yet but it's too hard to resist.

I look up from my coffee, the boys have yet to arise. Out the back door I see, in the distance, someone approaching. I stand and go to the door, curious as to who is up as early as I am.

"Hey, good morning Chris," says Blake, dressed in sweats, an enormous smile on his very inviting face. "I didn't think anyone else would be up."

"Well come on in Blake. I've been an early riser recently, coffee?" I welcome him into the kitchen.

"Sure, thanks." Blake says taking a seat at the table, reaching for the cup I offer him. "I hope you don't mind, I was just exploring all of the grounds. Nice place you got here. Family estate?"

"Yeah, my grandfather bought up all the land years ago. He built all of the homes in the neighborhood too. Even the school. Mom says he was a really decent guy but then an opportunity came along, he had the money and invested. Soon he was running one of the largest suppliers of military helicopters. I guess when mom was young he was very generous and just a nice person but power changed him. All of the hawks he befriended. Anyway, it is what it is." I confess.

"Chris, you are obviously not your grandfather. Tell me something and be honest. I noticed something in you last night when you were, well, outed. Your grandfather, his actions, and who he was. Does that trouble you Chris? I don't mean about him, but about you?

I don't know you well Chris, I hope we have a chance to get closer, but the man you described doesn't live within you, Chris. If you need someone to talk with about anything, well, that is Mike's expertise. He is really good at listening and understanding. You're pretty insightful. I'm sure you would understand that I still carry some shit from my youth. Mike helps me to make sense of things.

My area is more helping kids to relate to society in a way that will benefit them best. And since I have an intimate understanding of these boys' lives I understand their limits and am pretty good at also understanding their strengths. Mike helps them to deal with things that may hold them back from achieving their best. I help them to get there."

"Thanks Blake. I think I'm pretty good but there are times when I realize that I shouldn't have any of this. None of this should be happening. I should be just some regular kid going to school, dealing with bullies, you know, normal shit. Why me Blake? Why do I deserve this?" I say as a sudden realization hits me. I've never really had an adult I could talk to. I mean you can't talk with your parents about everything. I'm going to like having Blake as a friend.

"Those are questions you should mention to Mike. This is exactly what I am talking about Chris. These things can eat you up if you don't get them out. Think about it okay? And all I know is that there are three boys off of the street right now because of you. You are making a difference Chris."

"I'll do that Blake. It couldn't hurt. Thanks. But Blake, if sometimes there are things I just need to talk with someone about, an adult, can I still talk to you? Like friends? Or like a big brother?"

"Of course Chris. I would love to be your big brother. I've always wanted a little brother. Now come give your brother a hug."

It was innocent, okay? I didn't even get a stiffie. Okay a little, but I really always wanted a big brother.

Blake heads out back to rouse the kids for breakfast. I begin preparing ours. Simple today. Bagels with cream cheese and lox, some fresh fruit, coffee and fresh OJ.

I turn from the sink to see Ian enter the kitchen. God I love this man. Why do I deserve him? Okay, yeah. Talk to Mike.

"Good morning baby." Ian says taking me into his arms. He seems to know when I need a good tight squeeze.

"Good morning Ian. Thanks, I needed that." I tell him, seeing the depth of the love in his eyes.

Just as we sit with our coffee the boys join us, each grabbing their own cup before sitting down.

"What smells so good?" asks Sammy. "This morning is Parma Ham and ricotta frittata with a side of asparagus and roast potatoes." I tell them, rising to get breakfast served.

"Sounds amazing Chris. I have no idea what I did to deserve this. All of this. Thanks." Steve says to me, a sad look in his glistening eyes.

He asked why he deserves this. Does everyone feel like this, at least at times? What did Steve do to not deserve this. I'm no better than him. Steve is one of the most amazing people I know. And he is beginning to make more friends at school. The chip he always carried on his shoulder is gone. He does get judged by some of the snotty kids because now both of his parents are in prison. Those are his parents, not him.

Shit, why is it so much easier to give a break to others than myself? Blake is right. I am not my grandfather. Fuck I'm not even my mom or dad and they're great people. I'm me. Chris. And when I think about it I'm a pretty decent guy. I always try to see the best in people. Time to see it in me.

"What do you mean Steve? Why do you feel that way? It's funny because I was just talking with Blake this morning about the same thing. But I've been handed everything on a silver platter. I think I still have the silver spoon that was in my mouth when I was born. I did nothing to deserve or earn it. And now you guys know the full history of my company. That's even worse." I unload on them.

"Fuck Chris, how many times do I have to hear this? You are the most giving and caring person I have ever met and I know the guys here will agree, as will the five in Phoenix House. It would be great if we could turn back time but Chris, this isn't Star Trek. We all decided that we would only look toward the future." Ian says, his blood pressure rise showing in his cheeks.

"Every day Chris, every fucking day I have to listen to this shit. I fucking love you with every ounce of my being. You are my life Chris. Some of the assholes at school say that I'm with you for your money. How the fuck do you think that makes me feel? They are reducing the way I feel about you, our relationship, to money. You tell us that we should just enjoy this and not ask questions. That we shouldn't ask `why do we deserve this?' If I was to moan every single time I felt that I don't deserve you or anything that life with you brings me, you would be pissed too. You have been pissed at me in the past. So just fucking shut up!" he finishes.

I put the plates on the table. Sammy and Steve are sitting in silence. This is the first argument Ian and I have had. I feel like total shit. He is absolutely right. I tell them to accept things that I refuse to accept myself. Look forward Chris and have a chat with Mike.

I look up at Ian, both of us, eyes moist.

"I'm sorry Ian. And I'm sorry Steve, Sammy. I try, I really do, but sometimes it, fuck, it's just there again. I love you guys so much. Sorry."

"I'm sorry for getting angry Chris. I love you. I love you more every day we are together. Don't beat yourself up. We've been over this. Look out back at what is being achieved. Lives changed. Think of what the foundation you have set up can achieve, funding local charities. The changes you have made in your company. What more could you possibly do? Shoot yourself and then set yourself on fire?" Ian tells me before giving me a wonderful hug and kiss.

"Thanks guys, love you. Let's eat." I say.

"Was that our first fight Chris? Ian asks. I just look at him and smile. Knowing that he cares so much about me.

"Great breakfast Chris," Steve says. I notice his plate and rise to get him seconds. "So what are our plans for today?"

"Don't know, what did you want to do?" I answer. Just then, the new intercom system connecting the guardhouses, residence and our home buzzes.

"Mr. Buchanan?" comes the guard's voice.

I go to the intercom and press the talk button. "Yes, this is Chris."

"There is a young gentleman here. A Lance Larson, we've checked his ID. He says he is friends with Mr. Dempsey."

Ian and Steve look at each other with a perplexed look, they recognize the name.

"Yeah Chris, he's a teammate of ours," indicating towards Steve.

"Do you want him to come in?" I ask.

"What is he doing here?" Steve asks, still bewildered.

"No idea Steve, yeah Chris, let him in." Ian tells me.

Pushing the talk button again I say, "Yes, sure, tell him to come up to the front door."

Ian heads to the front door to wait for Lance to arrive.

"Who is this guy Steve?" I ask.

"You must know him. He is the guy that is always pulling stunts and shit on the sidelines. Puts on a bit of a show for the crowd." Steve answers.

"Like I go to the games." I say. "No idea."

"Oh, I know, he has a wonky eye." Steve says.

Now I know. I think Lance is about my age, maybe 17. He's known for being a bit of a class clown but I've never heard anything bad about him. And, not that it matters, but he's a nice looking kid. A bit shorter than Steve. Brown hair, his eyes are kind of golden. He tends to be a bit scruffy looking. His facial hair grows faster than he shaves. I do remember seeing him shirtless and soaking wet once at a charity car wash and nothing to complain about there.

I hear quiet murmuring in the foyer. It is hard to hear anything though.

"Sorry... no one else... Why..." I could intermittently hear an unfamiliar voice. Realizing that this may be a personal conversation I get up and head to the foyer, announcing myself before entering.

"Hey Ian, if you guys want you can use my office." I tell him. I notice Lance, he nods at me, he looks very sullen and worn out. His eyes are bloodshot and his nose is a bit snotty. I see his bottom lip is quivering. I look at Ian and use my eyes to indicate, `get him in there now.' They go to my office and I return to the kitchen.

"So?" Sammy looks at me.

"Don't know, Lance looks like shit though. Maybe he just needs someone to unload on." I tell them.

"Chris, Ian probably hasn't mentioned this but those two are always at each other's throats. They despise each other, have as long as I've known them. Lance is jealous that Ian is the one we all look up to." Steve informs me.

"But I thought everybody loves the guy." Never having seen his antics but having heard of them. Like I said, well up until now, not a single bad word.

"Ian gets along with everyone, Lance gets along with everyone. Those two, well, I don't remember them even speaking two words to each other without screaming. Lance is one of the only people I've ever heard Ian say he hates." Steve says.

"Then why let him in?" I ponder.

"Because Ian is a good guy and if Lance came here to see him there must be a reason." Steve clarifies.

"Do you like this Lance guy Stevie?" asks Sammy.

Yeah he's great, they're both great. The team thinks they are acting like spoiled children but what can we do?" Steve says. "Ian runs things and if he didn't it probably would be Lance."

I hear my office door open, "Steve, would you come here please." Ian calls.

Steve stands and gives me and Sammy a puzzled look. They have been in there for some time and no screaming. He heads to the office.

"I wonder what this is all about?" Sammy says, his face concerned.

We sit and continue with our coffee and chat. Moving the conversation away until we know more.

A bit later Ian returns to the kitchen.

"Okay, wow, Lance just came out to me. He said that I'm the only gay guy he knows so I was the one he had to talk to. I don't know if you know this guys but Lance and I aren't exactly buds. I think now I get it. Keeping those feelings inside made me a dick. Steve too. He's in there bawling right now in Steve's arms. They always got along pretty well so I thought I would leave them for a few minutes. He didn't know Steve was gay. How the fuck did he miss that news? He asked me to not say anything but that is when I explained we share everything in this house. That I don't, I can't keep secrets from you. God, how many gay kids are just at our school?" Ian says, realizing that kids like us are everywhere.

A few minutes later Steve returns to the kitchen with Lance following. Steve has his `holy fuck guys,' look on his face. I stand and pull out a chair.

"Hi Lance, have a seat."

"Thanks Chris. So I guess you guys have heard. I'm a fucking fag." Lance says, looking like the tears are going to flow again.

`"Yeah, uh, Lance, we don't talk like that here. We're gay and we're not ashamed of who we are. We're two couples, four best friends, we love each other. I know it's not an easy thing to accept. That you're different and there's nothing you can do to change that. Are things okay at home?" I ask.

"Oh sorry, yeah, I mean I guess. My mom and dad are good. My little brother is a pain in the ass but I can't complain. But they don't know. I want to tell them but I'm really scared. What if they hate me? My dad has talked about a good friend of his who's gay and he's okay with him but his own son? It might be different. I don't know what to do. I thought I was the only one at school until you and Ian out on a show." A smile on his face as he speaks, he's feeling a bit better now. "I had no fucking idea about you and Sammy, Steve."

"But you knew we lived here right?" Steve asks, "wasn't that a bit of a clue?"

"Not really, I know that Chris is a nice guy, everyone thinks so, I just thought that well, you couldn't go home Steve and as for Sammy, I thought maybe he needed to get away from home." Lance tells us.

Really, everyone thinks I'm a nice guy? That's nice to hear.

"No things are fine at home for me Lance, even after I came out to my mom. Just too many relatives living there right now and since Steve and I are together Chris invited me to stay here." Sammy tells him, taking Steve's hand in his own.

"You told your mom? And she's okay with it?" he asks, somewhat incredulously.

"Yeah, no problems at all. And she loves Steve." Sammy tells him.

"She's met Steve? Like she really knows that you guys are together and she's okay with that?" Lance asks.

"She calls me her son-in-law." Steve says with a wide smile.

"Holy shit. Thanks for telling me that. I hope my folks will be okay. I love my parents and my life is really good except for this, you know? I just hate keeping it from them.

"Your mom already knows Lance. Mother's always know. She's probably just waiting for you to tell them. Chris' mom knew. My mom knew." Sammy informs him.

"Well Lance, do it when you feel ready. And know you have the four of us behind you. If you want, when the time comes, I'm sure Ian or Steve would be happy to be there with you for emotional support." I tell him. "It looks like you've had a rough day."

"Rough night. I didn't sleep at all. This is all I could think about. I wanted to call Ian but I didn't know the number here and I almost turned around when I saw the armed guards. Just tired. Well thanks for the talk guys. I'd better get going." Lance rises to leave.

I look towards the guys with an inquisitive glance, all three are nodding.

"Lance, go home, get some rest, pack a bag for the night and get over here around five for dinner. We have a movie night on Saturdays and we'd like you to join us. There are a few rules but nothing too complicated. What do you say?"

"Really, hey that would be fun. I don't know any other gay guys. Yeah. See you at five then." Lance says as Ian leads him to the door. "Fuck Ian, this house is huge." I overhear Lance say.

"You have no fucking idea." Ian replies, "I'll show you around later."

As he leaves I call the gatehouse and inform them that Lance will be returning later today and to just let him in. No need to call.

I spend a few minutes reviewing some fax's in my office, sign a few documents and fax them back. This is the way I like to run a business. Let the real experts handle things.

A short time later the house phone rings. I answer it from my desk.

"Hello."

"Hi Chris? It's Lance. Something weird happened when I got home. My mom and dad are sitting in the kitchen and when I came home my mom asked if there was anything I wanted to tell them. She said they heard me crying last night asking `why me?' What do I do? Fuck Chris. They are waiting for me. I'm shitting my fucking pants right now. Should I just make something up?"

"You said you wanted to tell them Lance. No better time. Do you want one of the guys to come over to be there for you?" I ask. This kid is scared.

"Oh god yes please. My folks know Ian and Steve from the games. Do you think they would both come over?"

"They'll be there in a few minutes Lance. Stay strong buddy. You got this. Okay?"

I hang up and hit the intercom button that now broadcasts through the whole house.

"Ian, Steve, Lance just called. He needs you guys at his house now. I'm in my office."

Less than a minute later they are in my office. I brief tham on Lance's predicament. Out the door and into Ian's car they race off down the driveway. Sammy enters just as they leave. I let him in on what is happening.

"He'll be okay," Sammy says with confidence. "It is so scary but it feels so good once it's done. Steve told me he knows Lance's parents and they are really nice. He's been invited for dinner in the past and said they looked like the perfect family. He and Lance even had a sleepover. I wonder if Lance wanted to try something then. I would have."

`I didn't know that. So they know and like Steve already. That will help. And seeing two of Lance's teammates there to support him will be great."

Sammy leaves and I take a few minutes to file away some paperwork. I've been letting it pile up on my desk and it's looking a mess.

A bit later I'm in the kitchen preparing pizzas for tonight. This is now our traditional Saturday meal. I make a bunch of separate pizzas and lay out a bunch of different toppings so everyone can make their own. We end up with some really strange combinations.

The phone rings.

"Hello."

"Hey Chris, Ian. Well it's done. He told them. It was beautiful Chris. They both started to cry and Lance got scared but Steve and I held his hands so he would know we had his back. They were tears of joy.

They noticed that after Lance hit puberty he seemed sadder than he had before. Like something was missing. They knew he had everything he wanted. They knew he knew he was loved. After a few years and no girlfriends it clicked. They remembered the time that Steve slept over and how happy Lance was. But Lance's uncle, who is a psychiatrist, recommended they just wait. Not to push it. So they did. Until today. After hearing him cry last night they felt they had to make sure he was okay. They are fucking amazing Chris. They remind me of your parents.

Lance told them all about the four of us and how we all met. They had so many questions. Especially about you Chris. You are a bit of a mystery around here. You are not what anyone expects. I love you baby. We are going to hang here for a bit. Be back around five."

I make a quick phone call. I want to ensure that this evening is perfect for Lance. Now it turns out it will be a celebration. Whether he knows it or not he is now one of us.

Just a short time later a package is delivered to the gatehouse and one of the guards brings it to the house. Three pairs of navy blue sweats and gray t-shirts.

I look at the clock, a quarter to five. I'm excited about this evening. It feels so good to see someone become happy and comfortable with who they are. And not to brag but I feel anyone would be pretty lucky to have us four as friends. Still surprises me how well we all get along and how we always support each other.

Too early for us to eat I ready a plate of nibblies, along with chips and pretzels. The rec room cooler is stocked with beer. The rum and cokes ready to be poured. Weed is Ian and Steve's job. I light a few candles and the fire to create the Saturday night atmosphere we've come to expect. A light snowfall begins outside. Should be one of the last of the year. It's really pretty.

Oh, about the weed. I was a bit concerned about Steve at first. The rest of us have never been daily users. Steve was quite simply a pothead. It was taking him away from his life but now he no longer needs a daily escape. I remember when he told me how surprised he was one day when he realized he didn't need or want to be high all the time. Now we are down to about one joint each on a Saturday night. We don't need to be totally blitzed all the time. Those few tokes are enough. It certainly helped though to break the ice.

I hear the door and the energy I hear reminds me of when Sammy and Steve returned after Sammy came out to her.

Lance runs into the kitchen and gives me a huge hug.

"Thank you Chris. The guys were telling me that when you are involved things just go right." he says.

I shoot the boys an evil look.

"We are a well oiled team Lance." Sammy's eyes light up. "I don't know how this happened but we all came together, zip it Sammy, and we've all had different lives, different experiences. When we put our heads together, no Sammy, good things happen. Which brings us to this evening. Boys, shall we head into the rec room?"

We head down to our special space. Yeah it is a great house but this room is where things start. I have only good thoughts in this room.

"Damn, this is nice." he says as he takes in our special place. "Thanks again guys. This has been so weird. I was so worried and now it's all over. Behind me. I've been crying a lot of nights and for nothing. I never thought I would meet one other gay kid let alone three. You are all gay right, like your not unsure or anything like that? I know for sure."

"How many cocks have you sucked?" Sammy blurts, covering his mouth a little too late.

Lance looks petrified. It's time.

"Lance, the four of us have an arrangement, an agreement between us. Anything we say or do while in this house stays in this house. That way we are able to be completely honest with each other all the time. I know it's strange, none of us were used to anything like that. But it feels really good to know you always have people you can talk to. If you agree to follow that simple rule you are welcome to join us. You can never have too many real friends." I tell him.

His eyes look up, pondering this very unusual situation and arrangement.

"What do I have to do?" he asks. "Like a blood bond or something?"

"Sammy, I forgot the ice, will you go get some please?" I inject quickly, before he starts.

"One sec Lance." I say taking Ian and Steve aside. I hand them the package I laid on the sideboard earlier. "I think you guys should have the honor."

"Where is the ice bucket?" Sammy asks as he returns empty handed. "It's here, full. Is your memory going Chris?"

"Yeah must be. Okay guys. The floor is your's."

Ian and Steve hold the wrapped package and stand in front of Lance. "It is simple Lance. Do you agree to keep what is private between us, private?" Ian asks of him.

"Yes, absolutely, to my grave." Lance says emphatically.

They hand him the package.

"What is this?" he asks, opening his gift.

"Your welcome gift Lance. Haven't you noticed anything about the four of us?" Steve asks.

Tears well up in Lance's large brown eyes.

"This morning I felt like complete shit. Now this has turned into one of the best days of my life." he says.

"Feel free to get changed..." Sammy starts but fails to continue as Lance drops his pants and underwear in one movement.

Okay, I fucking give up. Thick and juicy looking, did I just think that? Nice round cut head hanging over his droopy nuts. All I got was a side view but it told a lot. Fuck, what an ass. I turn to notice that Sammy is staring slack jawed, Ian and Steve seem totally oblivious. Of course. They've seen it all before. Jocks and their cocks.

Putting on his shirt his transformation complete. Once alone, never again alone.

"We've got Ian's wicked weed Lance." Steve says holding up a fattie.

"Fuck, I think the last time I toked was with you Steve. God I wish I knew you were gay. I mean just to have a friend to talk to." Lance says.

"Yeah, me too Lance. Just like you I thought I was the only one. That could have been a fun sleepover. I mean it was fun but, oh shit, you know what I mean." Steve tells him.

"Part of this whole thing is about being honest right?" Lance asks for clarification. We nod. "I felt you up that night Steve, sorry. I didn't do it for long, I was afraid you would wake up."

"Fuck I wish I had woken up." Steve says excitedly.

"Ummm, guys, I'm right here." Sammy says. "But I would have done the same thing. Good on you Lance. So you've never done anything with a guy?"

"No, that's the most I've ever done, pretty lame eh?" Lance asks.

"Just gotta find the right guy Lance." Ian says. "Anyone on the team tickle your fancy?"

"Tickle his fancy? Who the fuck are you, my Irish granddad?" I laugh.

"Well?" Ian asks.

"Oh this is really uncomfortable guys. Okay, ummm, yeah, Steve, sorry it's your hair Steve and I think you have a really beautiful face. Sorry Sammy, I won't try to steal him from you. I can see how happy you guys are. Maybe you can help me find someone? Anyone." Lance implores.

"We're happy to help Lance, but you will not settle for just anyone." I promise him.

"Well who else is there? All of our school's gay kids are in this room." Lance says, seemingly believing his statement.

"Are you kidding. I mean, other than me, would you have thought any of us were gay?" I ask.

"I never thought you were gay Chris. No idea. But I see what you mean. If there are five of us here how many others do you think there may be. Dozens, or just a few?" Lance asks.

"I don't have a fucking clue Lance. I'm sure if we were able to find each other there must be quite a few of us." I tell him.

"Well, I do think Ralph is cute." Lance admits.

"You said I was the only one." Steve says with a fake pouty face.

"The only one on the team." Lance replies.

Now I know Ralph and how do I say this. I like to be nice. He's, ummm, peculiar looking. From what I understand he has some genetic disease and it kind of distorts his features. He's not ugly or anything like that just a bit wonky looking.

"I know what you're thinking. And yeah he's not movie star handsome but there is something about him I really like. He's really nice and doesn't have many friends. We've hung out a few times and we get along really well. Some kids have been kind of mean to him and it is so unfair. But I guess, shit, I didn't really think he was cute until I got to know him. The more I got to know him the cuter he got. Does that make sense? I know, I'm just babbling." Lance unloads.

"No Lance, please go on. This is the kind of thing that we do here. We share our stories." I tell him.

"Okay well, one time we were in my room, sitting on my bed. I felt like there was well, like something in the air, crazy right? I swear to god we came really close to kissing but my dad came in and blew that. Oh shit, my dad saw that and didn't say anything. Why didn't I think of that at the time. Anyway, we went down for dinner and a little while later he went home. We never mentioned it again. But I think maybe it was just my imagination." Lance admits.

"Gotta pee," Sammy says heading to the can. He returns about five minutes later.

"Good thing we got extra uniforms guys. Ralph is on his way over. I asked him. He's gay and he thinks your hot Lance. He wouldn't admit it at first but I told him he could get you stoned and take advantage of you. You may thank me later." Sammy says, bowing.

Ian, Steve and I just look at each other with a combination of disbelief and a `yup, expected that' expression. This should be an interesting night.