How did I get myself into this? I know I let myself get talked into this situation but here I am, one of the 'beaus' on this television reality show that is a cross between "Big Brother" and "The Bachelor" with a decidedly gay twist. This place has been Testosterone Central since we all got locked down a week and a half ago with everyone jostling for the attention of David, our Bachelor suitor. And, tonight is my chance for some one-on-one time with him.
It turns out, this is all harder than I ever imagined. The ever-present eye of the camera is an annoyance beyond anything I can describe. The only place where you can get some privacy is in the crapper - nobody wants to see THAT on TV! Even the showers are covered and although we all signed huge agreements, it still is annoying that you can't let your hair down without a dozen unseen technicians and producers judging your every move.
Well, I have had it. Not that there aren't benefits living with a crew of boys that would knock your socks off in the real world. I've become fond of quite a few of them and out in the "real" world (which this is decidedly NOT...) I could imagine falling hard for a number of the guys I have become all too familiar with in the last eleven days. The problem is, they (and I, I suppose) need to be concentrated on David... He's the prize and without him, we are all back out on the streets. The problem is, I have given up on standing out in this crowd. I just want out of here and I've decided that my first one-on-one time is just the right time to bow out gracefully, but I have also decided that I want to give David some advice on the way out the door. It's advice that will probably end up on the cutting room floor but I will leave knowing he will have heard it anyway and hopefully it will stick with him.
So, it's that time and here he comes to pick me up. He IS gorgeous in a freshly scrubbed way that really gets me. And to tell the truth I'm getting excited, mostly at the prospect that for me, at least, the long ordeal will be over. (I haven't shared my plans with anybody. None of the 'beaus' know yet that they will be one leg up very soon. I have even hidden my rising frustration from the audience in our 'private time' in the 'closet' where we do the soul-baring talks with just the camera. I generally have little of substance to say in there and it has become one of those petty annoyances that are making me so crazy.)
"David, it's so good to see you again. I'm really looking forward to this time with you." (You have no idea...) "I hear they have pulled out the stops tonight. It's going to be a night to remember!" (and Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy night...)
David, ever the gentleman, takes my arm and leads me to the private dining room they have set up for us. All of a sudden, I'm forgetting why I'm here... The touch of David's hand is distracting me. God, he's even more attractive than I gave him credit for. He could make me melt right here. But I catch sight of the ever-present eyes of the cameras and the overpowering lights and I get jerked back to reality. I have a mission tonight and David is also standing between me and the door... We barely get through the appetizers before the small talk starts. I don't have much patience with it tonight. I smile and nod and add a few well placed comments hoping to disarm David for now. Soon the next course is served and the server sweeps out of camera range. (Not surprisingly, he's drop-dead gorgeous too!)
"David, it's time to get serious. I have really enjoyed our time together here and there is nothing that I would like better than to become your lover, but life here on the ranch has become a bit too much and I realize that the idea of winning the contest is overshadowing our natural instincts a bit. I think we all need to take the time to assess what our real feelings are and whether we are serious about you or what it is you represent. To tell the truth, I've done a lot of soul-searching in the last couple of days and I discovered that the goal just wasn't as important to me as I thought it would be. Now you will go on to the rest of the 'beaus' here and I hope you will find happiness with one of them. But, David, in hopes of that happening, I want to give you some unsolicited advice. Now, I haven't been privy to what has been going on around here so far since we are all pretty isolated from the private times you have spent with the other 'beaus' but here's my advice: David, I hope you will keep your dick in your pants for now..."
(A muffled gasp from the server is heard from a distance.)
"I know that it makes for titillating TV to be involved with the guys here and God knows, you can score with all of them if you want, but they all have about the same parts and in all the same places and the object here is not how these men function sexually. For every guy with a smooth and assured way of lovemaking there will be another who is sooo intense and yet another one with a goofy joy about him. So, you see, it doesn't matter so much what they are like in bed... It's how you will feel about the person you choose long after the intensity of sexual desire has cooled to a warm, comfortable glow that enhances the emotional feelings you will have for each other over the long haul. Television, after all, has a short memory, and this program will be but a fuzzy remembrance all too soon, but the foundation you lay here should sustain the two of you for decades to come. That is what is really important here. In summary, David, I wish you love..."
David has been listening intently all the time while I was speaking and seems secretly amused with my thoughts. Perhaps he, too, has been feeling the pressure. I lean over and kiss him and take my leave even before the entree is served. I hope I have given him food for thought, instead.
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