Warning: If you don't tolerate or approve of the gay lifestyle please leave now.
This is pure fiction. No one in this story is a real person, living or deceased. Any similarities is just a coincidence. ___________________________________________________________________________
I Shall Believe Chapter 7
Ivan went early to school that Monday. After thinking about it all weekend, he decided that he wouldn't find the answers unless he'd ask Michael and Alex themselves. He was putting his books in his locker when he heard a loud crash from the other end of the hall. He stepped away from his locker to look. He saw a crowd forming around to what appeared to be a boy pinned against the lockers by a bigger boy. He quickly walked into the commotion and saw that the boy was Jesse and holding him against the lockers was Rick Summers.
"What did you say you little punk?!" Rick said harshly as he choked Jesse with his arm.
Jesse smirked despite his struggle to breathe. "I said--get your... small dick-- out of my face!"
Rick was about to deliver a punch to Jesse's stomach when a teacher just entered the hallway. "You're gonna regret that." Having said that, he pushed Jesse one last time harder against the locker. "Faggot." He grumbled under his breath as he left.
Ivan moved quickly to Jesse's side. "Are you okay?" He asked the boy who was vigorously massaging his own neck.
Jesse looked at Ivan and threw an arm over his shoulder. "Of course, I am." He started walking, dragging Ivan along. "I could have beaten that fucker's ass if he'd thrown the punch right there."
Ivan was doubtful. "Really?" He asked.
"Dude, totally." Jesse let go of Ivan and sat on a table in the quad. Ivan settled on the chair by it. "Did you talk to your best friends yet?"
"Ex-best friends." Ivan corrected him. "No. Not yet. Maybe tomorrow." Jesse raised his eyebrow at him.
"Later?" Ivan continued which made Jesse cross his arms over his chest. Ivan gave up. "Okay fine. As soon as I find them."
As if on cue, Michael passed by them and nodded unsurely to Ivan but flashed a glare to Jesse who still had his car parked on Michael's spot. Jesse rolled his eyes. "There goes your friendly ex-best friend." Jesse nudged Ivan.
Ivan stood up and followed Michael. When he was only a few feet away, a boy blocked his way. "Hi, Ivan." The boy said. Ivan looked at him. He was one of the openly gay guys in school. Everything about him screamed gay--his purple highlights, the piercing in his right ear, the mascara and lip gloss.
He looked over the boy's shoulder to find Michael. "Excuse me." Ivan said as he passed by him. He saw Michael already gathering with some of the guys from the football team. He sighed in disappointment. Jesse came up beside him and gently squeezed his shoulder.
The boy approached him again. "Hey." He smiled brightly as he waved his hand to the two boys.
"What do you want?" Ivan asked impatiently.
"I know what you're going through." The boy said sincerely.
Both boys looked at him strangely. "Excuse me?" Ivan asked.
"I'm sorry. I'm Randy Karch, president of the Gay and Straight Alliance." He pointed to a button on his chest that read, `I'm An Ally.'
Randy continued. "Like I said I know what you're going through-- being abandoned by your lifelong friends just because you're gay." He put a hand over his chest and smiled at him gently. "I've been there."
He was beginning to annoy Ivan. "Dude, obviously." Jesse spoke as he stifled a laugh.
The boy remained smiling. "I know I may seem..." He paused trying to think of an appropriate word.
"Effeminate." Ivan filled in for him.
"Girly." Jesse tossed in.
Ivan thought of another word. "Sissified." Jesse laughed at that.
"Campy." Jesse added. They looked at each other and nodded.
"Flamer." They said together. "Queen." Both boys continued and laughed.
Randy's face sobered. "I was actually thinking like open and unashamed." The boys tried to stifle their laughter. "How dare you insult me? I'm family."
Both boys didn't know how to respond. Fortunately, the bell went off. "Oh, look at the time. C'mon Ivan. We don't want to be late for class." Jesse hooked his arm on Ivan's neck and walked away.
"I'm family." Jesse mimicked Randy's high-pitched voice.
They laughed. "You are so mean." Ivan said.
"Well you started it. And `sissified'?" Jesse mocked him. "Where did you hear that?"
Ivan giggled. "I don't know. Somewhere."
That lunch Ivan and Jesse met up by the line at the cafeteria. The two boys joined the line of students. Jesse asked about Ivan's day so far. "Okay I guess, except for the part when some kid from my class just glared at me. Then I saw that he wears the same `I'm An Ally' button that Randy The Queen has on earlier." As he spoke, a girl and a boy passed by and gave them dirty looks. They were also wearing the same button as Randy. Jesse just laughed while it seemed to surprise Ivan.
"I can't believe his whole tribe is mad at us just because we called him a queen." Ivan said as he asked for some tacos. Now that his financial situation was settled and Jean had talked to the school about being his temporary guardian, he was no longer in the free lunch program. "I mean could my social life get any worse? I'm pretty much ignored by the whole school and now these people are mad at me." He took a carton of milk and paid for his food on the counter. "Thanks." He said to the cashier.
"Well, you could be slammed against the lockers and get slapped on the head in between classes." Jesse said as he paid for his apple and milk.
Ivan looked at him. "What? Did Rick do that to you?" They started walking to the door that lead outside to the quad.
"No. Actually it was Naomi Campbell. I was carrying her books for her and she threw her phone at me." Jesse rolled his eyes. "Of course it was pencil-dick Rick. Who else would do it?" He looked at Ivan who was grinning. "Tell me you did not just eat Tweety Bird." Jesse said as he looked at Ivan strangely.
Ivan chuckled. "It's just that you are beginning to sound a little like me. I guess my sarcasm kinda rubbed off on you."
Jesse shrugged. "You're laughing and smiling. I guess I kinda rubbed off on you too, unless you took some of my pills."
"Speaking of which, did you take any today?"
"No. Like I said, I don't think I need it anymore. And besides, I wanted to know how I'm really feeling today." Jesse explained.
Ivan wasn't sure about Jesse's decision but he didn't really want to intrude so he dropped the subject. "Okay. Whatever you say."
They finally reached the oak tree and sat under it. Ivan and Jesse were in the middle of a discussion about Jesse's food choice of apple and juice. Ivan commented on how he'd never survive with only that much food for the rest of his classes. Jesse explained that all they ever do in school is sit, listen and talk a little and that doesn't really require a lot of energy.
"Excuse me." They looked up as Alex approached them. "Ivan, can I talk to you?"
"That's funny. He wants to talk to you too." Jesse said. Ivan scowled at him.
"Can we go somewhere else private then?" She requested.
"Okay." Ivan straightened up and followed Alex.
Ivan wondered what she needed to talk to him about. She sounded really serious. Was this still about tutoring Michael? He didn't have time to think about it more because when he followed Alex into a classroom, he saw Michael. The boy straightened up from in chair and Alex stood beside him. Ivan thought he looked sullen.
Ivan didn't know how to do it so he just asked. "Why did you do it?"
"What?" Alex inquired.
"Last year. The way you treated me." He said firmly, trying hard to restrain his voice from breaking.
Alex looked at Michael who nodded at her. "Ivan, we were just trying to protect you."
"Really? Because I've never felt safer all those times I was alone."
Alex took a step towards Ivan. "Andy Pearson threatened to hurt you." Ivan looked at her, confused. "He heard our conversation during the victory party."
The little hairs on his skin stood as he was reminded of that night. "And he told us that if we stayed friends with you, he'd hurt you." Alex continued.
He still had trouble following. "Then why force me to come out in front of everyone?"
Alex shrugged. "He would've done it himself so Michael figured that it would be better if you said it yourself. The deal came through and you made it through the year unharmed." Ivan noticed how silent Michael was during the whole conversation but he ignored it for the time being.
"What does Andy even get out of this?" He didn't understand. Did he do anything bad to Andy?
Michael finally spoke. "He said he didn't want his successor as captain of the football team associated with..." Michael's voice trailed off.
"A queer?" Ivan said. He didn't expect the sting he felt when Michael couldn't even say it. "A fag? A dirty cocksucker?!" He shouted.
"Andy was a fucking homophobic prick, okay!" Michael shouted back. "Alex and I knew that if we didn't do anything, he would seriously hurt you."
Ivan lowered his voice. "Well at least your planned work. Thanks to you guys, I was alone for the rest of the year."
"I'm sorry, Ivan." Michael said almost begging. "But we're here now."
"And we want to make it right." Alex added.
Ivan jeered. "Now. You're here now. How about last year? Couldn't you just have called and told me about that plan of yours? Couldn't you even leave a note about it in my locker?" Alex and Michael didn't know what to say. "Couldn't you visit me at the hospital that day in the hospital after Mom and I got into our accident?" Tears started pouring out of Ivan's eyes. "Or what about in the cemetery that day she was buried, huh? Couldn't you at least have been there for me then?!"
Michael looked down on the floor. "Ivan we're really sorry..."
Alex closed the distance between them and said, "We needed to protect you." She tried to hold his arm but Ivan quickly pulled away.
"I didn't need your protection. I needed my best friends!" He wiped his tears with his arms. "Last year was the worst year of my life and both of you abandoned me."
"You're wrong." Michael said plainly, still not looking up.
Ivan didn't know if he heard it right. He was wrong? What else was there besides the fact that he went through all those times by himself. "I'm sorry?" he asked.
"We were there, Ivan." He met Ivan's eyes. "At your mother's funeral." He continued.
Ivan shooked his head wildly. "No, you weren't there. I was there."
"We were there." Alex interjected. "It's the truth."
"You're lying!" He was getting confused. If they were there, why didn't they even stay beside him.
"Ask my father. We came with him." Michael said.
"Ivan please..." Alex begged. "We'd do anything to fix this."
"Like lying to me about not missing my mother's funeral?"
Michael shook his head and said. "It's the truth."
Ivan nodded. "Fine. You want to make it, okay?" Michael looked at him and Alex nodded. "Then do what you do best. Leave me alone." Ivan walked out of the room.
Both were speechless. They hadn't expected for this to happen. Alex turned to Michael. "I'm sorry I haven't been able to tell him about..."
"It's okay." Michael sniffled. "It's probably not the best time."
When he got out of the room he saw Jesse lurking around the hallway. "You were listening, weren't you?" He asked him as he wiped his face with his shirt.
"A little bit." Jesse smiled meekly.
"Whatever. I don't care." Ivan rushed ahead.
Jesse was quick to follow him. "Hey! Where are you going?"
"Out of here." He didn't slow down. "And don't follow me." He said harshly.
Ivan went where he could think freely, where he knew he'd find the answer-- to his mother. He would always go to her grave to talk to her as if she were still alive. He stood over her headstone and closed his eyes as he felt the same loneliness he had the day she was buried.
It was a cold afternoon during Rose's burial. The man stared at Ivan who shivered as he cried his hardest. His heart ached for the boy for he was so young to go through this alone. Yes, there were other people there like Rose's co-workers and friends but no one was really there for the boy. He walked over to stand beside the boy and rubbed his shoulder. "I'm sorry Ivan."
The boy looked at him through his tears questioningly. "I'm sorry." He repeated. Ivan let out a sob and cried on his chest. The man held him as he whispered, "I'm sorry my son couldn't make it."
Ivan asked himself if his best friends were there, why would Michael's father apologize to him?
"Looking for answers, huh?" Ivan opened his eyes and saw Jean beside him.
Ivan gave her a slight smile. "Something like that. You?"
"Actually, something like that. I'm here for an answer to the question that I've been asking her since the day she passed away." She sighed as she stared on the stone that had her best friend's name engraved on it. "`Can you forgive me?'" Her voice cracked.
Ivan's hands were immediately on her back, trying to comfort her. "Of course, she does."
She turned her head to look at him. "How can you be so sure?"
"Because..." He sighed. "It wasn't your fault. Your flight from Europe got delayed because of a storm and you couldn't make it."
"That doesn't make it okay."
"But you were her best friend." He paused. "She knew it in her heart that you wanted to be there even though you couldn't."
Jean just nodded as she wiped her tears with a tissue. "Did you get your answer?"
Ivan stared at his mother's name as he replied. "I think I just did."
The night later, Jesse came by Ivan's house to check on him. He knocked on the door and Jean opened it. "Hi. I just want to check on Ivan." Jean smiled at him.
"Of course, come on in." She held the door open until Jesse came inside. Jesse followed Jean who led him to the living room where Ivan was sitting on the couch.
"Hey." Jesse said as he walked to Ivan. Ivan stood up after he saw him.
"Hey." He smiled meekly. "I'm sorry for walking out on you this afternoon."
Jesse returned his smile. "It's okay. Snapping at people's just one of your weird habits."
Ivan was about to explain himself but he decided against it. "Yeah. I guess you can say that."
"Dinner's ready!" Jean shouted from the kitchen.
"At least let me make it up to you. Stay for dinner, please?" Ivan requested.
Jesse grinned and nodded. "Sure."
The two volunteered to set the table since Jean had done all the cooking. They ate their dinner with friendly conversation. Jean started asking them about school which led to Jesse's family. She asked him if his parents would mind him having dinner at Ivan's instead of at their own house with them.
Jesse shrugged. "Not really. I mean, they're not even at home to have dinner to begin with."
"Really? How come?" Jean prodded.
"They stuck around for two weeks after we moved here and after they saw me all settled in..." Ivan and Jesse shared a look. Ivan knew Jesse was talking about his depression. Jesse smiled half-heartedly. "We're back to our usual routines, me with school and them on their business trips and golf games."
"I'm sorry but doesn't that bother you?" Jean asked.
"I'm used to it." Jesse answered. "Kinda got me to learn independence at an early age." He grinned.
Jean nodded. "If you want you can stay here sometimes. If you get bored all by yourself, you can keep Ivan here company."
"Really?" He asked her then looked at Ivan.
"I'd like that." Ivan reassured him.
Jesse smiled. "Sometimes then."
Their conversation was interrupted by the doorbell ringing. "I'll get it." Ivan volunteered.
Upon opening the door, Ivan was surprised to see Michael' sister Sophia. "Hi." She said as she fixed her brown hair with her fingers.
"Sophia!" He said, a little hesitantly. "What brings you here?" Ivan couldn't help but notice the dullness in the bright blue eyes that ran in her family.
She cleared her throat. "I'm sorry. I know it's late and,"
"No. It's okay. What's up? Do you want to come inside?" He really was happy to see her again but her tone made him uneasy. "What's wrong?"
"It's father." He saw her eyes well up. "He wants to talk to you."
"What? Right now?" He was confused. What could he want? "Why?"
"So Michael was serious. He didn't tell you?" She asked.
For the first time, he was embarrassed that he and his best friend were not really on speaking terms. "We really haven't talked much lately."
Sophia nodded. "Our father's dying, Ivan and he wants to see you."
The whole world stopped and became silent. Ivan couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What?" He asked with tears starting to form in his eyes.
"The doctors said it should be any time soon." Sophia sobbed and embraced Ivan as they both cried.
"Hey, Ivan!" Jesse shouted as he came to the door. "Woah. I didn't know Michael liked to dress up as a woman." The two separated and dabbed their eyes.
"Ivan, who's at the door?" Jean asked, joining them. Once she saw Sophia, she already knew what was wrong. "No." Sophia just nodded. Jean immediately took her in her arms. Sophia started crying again.
"You knew?" Ivan asked Jean. He couldn't believe he didn't tell her.
Jean turned to him. "Pumpkin, I'm sorry but I really didn't know how bad it was." She looked at Sophia apologetically. Sophia just nodded. "You were dealing with your own problems and I didn't want to dump bad news on you especially if I wasn't sure about it. I meant to tell you as soon as I find the right timing."
Ivan nodded. "I understand. It's not like there's really good timing to talk to me lately." Jean smiled at him.
"We have to go. Father's waiting for Ivan." Sophia said.
"We'll be waiting here." Jean told Ivan as he walked with Sophia to her car.
I would like to thank Dennis Scott for his great help on proofing the story. I know this is kind of lame but I have to ask. Is anyone still reading my story? It's just that on the previous chapters, people kept on commenting and now there's only two or three e-mails coming from you guys. It worries me a little. Is the story already getting bad and boring? Should I drop it? Anyway, thanks to whoever's reading me.