Warning: If you don't tolerate or approve of the gay lifestyle please leave now.
This story is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author's imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. ___________________________________________________________________________
Ivan stood inside the principal's office with his head down. He had never been sent to the office for a disciplinary action. This will go on my permanent record, he thought. He shook his head, silently condemning himself for what happened. He could have taken control of the situation but he let the situation get to him. Jesse could have just backed down and taken the high road but no, they had to lower themselves to the likes of Rick and start a fight on school grounds. Ivan looked at Jesse who was just standing casually beside him.
Jesse was smiling inside. He'd have been grinning from ear to ear if it wouldn't have been inappropriate. He was proud of himself for standing up to Rick and his sidekick. At his old school, he would have just turned the other cheek and walked away but at that moment, when he was being ridiculed by Rick he had realized, it wasn't just him being made fun of. It was everyone who couldn't fight back. It could have easily happened to someone else, even Ivan or Max. And that thought had started a fire inside him. If Jesse had let it slide, the next time it could be another boy or a girl and Jesse didn't want that to happen. He wanted it to stop. And the start of it required him to fight back so he did. It didn't hurt that Ivan and Max were right by his side. He felt more assured. Yes, Ivan had been hesitant and Jesse understood that because Ivan was such a goody two shoes but, Max—it felt like he had been really ready to fight for him. He had chosen to be there and stand by him which had energized Jesse even more. And now, Max was still there, standing right across him in the principal's office and he swore he had seen the boy wink in his direction.
Ivan rolled his eyes seeing Jesse and Max's interaction. He couldn't believe they were not taking this as seriously as he did. He could already imagine what it would be like during college application interviews. He would be asked about this reckless incident. "Now tell us about the time you impulsively kicked a boy in his nuts and elbowed his stomach. Is this something you often do, resort to violence?" Ivan then would try to explain the situation by saying how they really were just standing up for themselves. But unfortunately it wouldn't change anything. He'd be rejected by all the major universities and he'd end up in some community college. His mind was going in circles and somehow his breathing started becoming a little faster and shallower than usual. He stopped his thoughts and tried to even out his breaths. Suddenly he felt a hand on the small of his back. He winced for the hand touched where it was a little tender. He had been tackled by Rick's sidekick and had landed hard on the floor on his back. The hand drew back right away after Ivan flinched, obviously sensing Ivan's reaction.
"Are you hurt?" Ivan heard a familiar voice ask, just above a whisper. Ivan just looked at him. "Well? Are you?" The boy asked again.
"I'm fine." Ivan whispered in a tone which he hoped would convey what he really meant. Leave me alone.
"Is everything okay back there Mr. Brody?" Principal Allen looked at them impatiently.
"Yes, ma'am." Ivan said and resumed looking at the floor.
"Mr. Gilner?" She asked.
"Yes, ma'am." Michael answered.
It had been a surprise when Michael showed up in the middle of the fight. Ivan had just been tackled to the ground by Rick's friend and was about to get punched on the face when he saw Michael jump in behind the guy. Michael pulled him off Ivan, shoved him and started throwing punches. Ivan immediately got up and it wasn't too long after that when a teacher saw them, broke up the fight and sent them all to the principal's office.
After Principal Allen's long speech about hate, discrimination and violence, she announced her verdict. Rick and his sidekick got three day suspensions. On the other hand, Ivan, Jesse, Max and Michael, were given detention for the rest of the week. When Ivan tried to object to her decision, the principal reasoned that they could have not resorted to violence. Ivan gave Jesse a dirty look for it was him who started it all but none of it seemed to have fazed Jesse.
"I can't believe I have detention." Ivan said to no one in particular after they left the room.
"Believe it because we're gonna be there after eighth period for the entire week." Jesse said.
"We should have just ignored them and walked away. That would have been the right thing to do. Principal Allen was right. Violence never solves anything." Ivan lectured.
"Oh my god, Dude. Are you kidding me? It was the rightest thing we've ever done. It goes to show that they can't just walk all over us." Jesse explained.
"Still... We should have taken the high road." Ivan said with a holier-than-thou tone that started to annoy Jesse.
"What are you so upset about? It's just detention. It's not like I involved you in a drug trade, got you busted and sent to jail." Jesse's voice started to rise.
"Cool it, you two." Max said as he wedged himself between them. He gave Jesse's shoulder a gentle squeeze.
"Whatever. I'm going to class." Ivan said and walked on ahead of them.
"Ivan has never had detention." Michael pointed out. "That's why he's so worked up about it."
"Well there's a first time for everything." Jesse said.
"I know but give him a break, Jesse. Ivan isn't one to pick fights. He wouldn't even want to be near one. But he chose to fight alongside you."
Jesse took a deep breath. "Now I'm supposed to feel guilty?"
Michael just shrugged and walked off to class.
"Michael's right, you know." Max said.
Jesse rolled his eyes. "I know, I know. I'll talk to Ivan later."
"But we really did show them huh?" Max told Jesse with a grin and he smiled widely back.
Later that morning, when the bell for lunch finally rang, Jesse made it a point to hurry towards Ivan's classroom. Luckily, he was able to catch Ivan who had just walked out the door. Ivan was surprised to see him.
"I'm sorry." Both boys blurted out at the same time. Ivan smiled sheepishly and Jesse grinned widely back at him.
Ivan continued his apology. "I'm sorry I freaked out earlier. It's just I've never had detention before and—
"Dude, totally understandable. And I'm sorry for being so insensitive about it. Forgive me?" Jesse opened his arms for a hug.
Ivan rolled his eyes. "Yes to forgiveness. No thanks to the hug." He started to walk towards the cafeteria but Jesse caught up to him and gave him a sideways hug as they walked together.
Upon their entrance at the cafeteria, they heard someone shout, "There he is!" Ivan was immediately on guard. He knew there could be another consequence for what had happened. Like Rick's jock friends coming after them.
The entire room became silent as Ivan's suspicions began to take shape. Four boys in letterman jacket walked towards Jesse and Ivan. The two exchanged nervous glances. "Play it cool." Jesse whispered. "They can't beat us to death. There are way too many witnesses"
Ivan scoffed. "Thanks. That's reassuring."
The four of them towered over Ivan and Jesse. The one who spoke first was almost the same height as the two but he was built like a tank. "You the one who kicked and crushed Rick's nuts?" He was looking at Jesse.
Knowing the guy since he had hung out with their crowd before the Andy tragedy, Ivan immediately intervened. "Look Russ, we don't want any trouble."
But Jesse clearly had other plans for the conversation. "So what if I am?"
Russ had a smug look on his face and so did the other three guys right behind him. They all exchanged looks, probably figuring which bone to break first. But then slowly, a smirk crept on Russ's faces. "That was one hell of a move man!" The other guys agreed, suddenly lively, revived by the topic of the fight. Apparently, they had been watching the fight from a distance. They pretty much wanted Rick to be beaten up as much as Jesse did. It seemed like even his teammates didn't like him very much. The next thing Ivan knew, they were sitting at the jock table and Jesse was center stage, as he discussed with Russ and the others what had happened that morning.
Ivan sat quietly as he ate his lunch and listened to what Jesse had to say. It was not like he wanted to hear a recap, but it seemed like listening silently was the right thing to do. Jesse tried to include him in the conversation by asking him his opinion or to verify some parts of the fight, but Ivan offered only a few words. He didn't really like the thought of inflicting physical harm to others which is why he didn't approve of boxing as a sport. Ivan ate his food as fast as possible. Just sitting there while the whole table practically gathered around Jesse made him feel uncomfortable and out of place.
Jesse was now in the middle of telling them a story about a couple he ran into during one of the co-ed college parties he crashed. Jesse had passed out in one of the bedrooms, when all of a sudden, a couple joined him on the bed and started going at it. He had been woken up during their activity, but since it was dark, they hadn't really noticed that his eyes had opened. When Jesse had started feeling uncomfortable, he reached out for the night lamp on the bedside table and flicked it on. The couple looked at him, surprised and then the guy started groaning. The girl screamed at him to pull out but it had been too late. She found out she was pregnant a few weeks later.
Ivan started missing his spot under the tree out on the quad. He wanted his usual peace and quiet.
"Hey Gilner!" One of the guys called Michael who was heading to a table with Alex. "Come over here a sec."
Michael and Alex looked over their direction with curious looks on their faces, probably wondering what Jesse and Ivan doing at the jock table.
"How come you haven't officially introduced us to this guy? He's a riot!" Russ said once Michael and Alex were standing by their table.
Michael seemed a little flustered by the question. "I didn't think you guys will be okay with, uhm,..." He trailed off. He wasn't sure how Jesse would feel to be called gay in front of straight boys high in testosterone.
"Me being gay?" Jesse, with his chin up, filled in for him.
Michael didn't know how to respond. Fortunately, Russ did the talking. "That's cool, man! Whatever floats your boat. As long as you don't come on to me."
"Ha! You wish!" Jesse joked and the rest of the table laughed with him.
Ivan watched the entire interaction with admiration and respect for Jesse. He could never carry on with a conversation like that. He'd most likely just shut up or come up with an angry retort but Jesse hadn't seemed fazed at all.
"Hey." He heard Alex say as she sat beside him. "You okay?" Ivan didn't know if she was asking him about the current situation of him voluntarily sitting at a table with a bunch of people he had once thought were his friends but now felt more out of place with than ever or about the fight earlier. "Michael told me you might have hurt your lower back."
"I'm okay. I can handle it." Ivan smiled at her. Alex really was one of those people that was genuinely nice. You could tell it by her eyes. There was always this sort of warmth inside of her that you couldn't help but feel when she looked at you or talked to you. She was a good friend, a good person. And so was Michael. They deserved each other. They were the perfect couple. He never stood a chance.
Ivan stopped his train of thought. He didn't want to go there. But now Michael was sitting across from him and Alex. He needed to get away as soon as possible before they started a love fest.
"Ivan, where are you going?" Alex asked when he stood up to leave.
To leave you two in your happily ever after, Ivan thought. "I'm not done with my Math homework. I need to finish it."
"Well, finish it right here." Alex protested. "C'mon. Don't leave me with these guys." Ivan looked at Michael, hoping he'd ask him to stay or try to convince him to do so. But there was nothing. He was suddenly so caught up with the conversation at the table. "I'm sorry. I really won't be able to focus here." He gave Alex an apologetic look and she seemed to have accepted that. Ivan tried to catch Jesse's eye to tell him that he'd be at their spot but he was too preoccupied with talking to the entire table, so he just left.
Ivan was on his way to his spot under the tree when he saw somebody else sitting there.
"I almost thought you skipped lunch today." Jake greeted him as he sat down.
"No. Jesse and I got sidetracked by your teammates." Ivan scoffed. "Apparently, getting on a fight with a jock gets you a ticket to join their little macho club."
"What do you mean?" Jake asked.
"They invited us to seat at their table today. Pause for reaction."
"For real?" Jake was incredulous. "Do they even know that Jesse's gay?"
"Yep. In fact, Jesse's still back there. I came out here for my usual peace and quiet." Ivan looked back into the cafeteria and couldn't help but feel jealousy creeping on him. Why was Jesse readily accepted by the very same people that had turned their backs so easily on him when they found out he was gay?
"Well I came here..." Jake said as he stood up to get something from behind the tree. "To give you this." When his hands were back in sight, Ivan saw them holding a deep brown box tied with a red ribbon.
"What's this?" Ivan said as Jake held it out to him.
Jake grinned. "Just open it."
"Okay." Ivan said, letting out a little giggle. He was starting to feel nervous. He pulled on the ribbon slowly, untying it from the box and when he opened the box, it revealed an assortment of chocolates. Ivan looked up at Jake. "Thanks Jake. This is so sweet of you."
A smile of satisfaction formed on Jake's face. "My mom just got back from Europe and this is one of the things she got from the trip. She said it's really good. So good that it may just make someone fall in love."
Ivan chuckled. That was just so corny but Ivan couldn't bring himself to bash him for it. "Is that so?"
Jake shrugged. "I don't know. Try it." He stood up to leave. "Anyway, I gotta go. Later." With one last smile at Ivan, he walked away.
"Thanks again!" Ivan called out to him. Jake turned as he walked and winked at Ivan.
Ivan started feeling queasy. He tried to stop it. But it was no use. A smile escaped from inside him. He rolled his eyes at himself.
"Are those chocolates?" Alex appeared out of nowhere, looking at the opened box on Ivan's lap. Michael was walking right behind her.
Startled, Ivan closed it but then he realized how weird he might have seemed so he handed the box to her. "Yes. Want some?"
Alex opened the box to examine the assortment of dark brown, brown and white in it. "Wow. These are fancy. Who are they from?" Just as she asked her question, Michael arrived in earshot. He looked at Ivan expectantly.
Michael's stare, in a way, made him feel guilty. While avoiding his gaze, Ivan answered, "Jake."
"Oh. So what, are you guys dating now?" Alex was eager for more information. But the truth was Ivan wasn't sure. What was Jake doing exactly? Was he just trying to make it up to him for what happened at the dance or was he looking for something more?
"Hey, babe. I'm just going back to the guys' table." Michael said to Alex. Alex nodded okay and with one last blank look at Ivan, Michael left.
Ivan was hoping Michael's exit had managed to distract Alex but she was still looking at him expectantly. "So?" She urged.
Ivan decided to give her an honest answer. "I don't know."
"Well, are you into him?"
Ivan had to think it over. Physically, yes. He was attracted to Jake. Most people are, hence, one of the reasons he was unsure about him. Jake also has a history of being such a jerk at times but he could also do the sweetest thing like giving a boy chocolates.
"Lemme guess. You don't know." It was more than just a speculation from Alex. It was a fact. Ivan wasn't sure about how he felt about Jake at the moment. However, Alex wasn't done with her line of questioning. "Okay. So let's talk about something that you are more likely to know. What's going on with you and Michael?"
Did Michael tell her about his confession? His heart started racing but he didn't want to seem thrown off by her question. So without skipping a beat, Ivan responded. "What do you mean?"
Alex shrugged. "I don't know. There's something off with you two." She stared at him and Ivan felt as though she was able to see through him. It made him feel very uncomfortable. The look on her face told him that she knew more than she was letting on. Like, she was just waiting for him to tell her all the details himself. "Come on, Ivan. You know you can tell me anything."
Ivan thought that maybe this was it, the opportunity to come clean to Alex and just apologize. Besides, he wasn't planning to act upon his feelings. Well, not anymore. He was now dedicated to burying his feelings until they disappeared forever. Hopefully that would make up for it and Alex wouldn't be upset for him having feelings for her boyfriend.
After taking a deep breath, Ivan started. "Alex, I—
The bell rang. Lunch was over and so was their conversation. Alex stood up. "Well how's that for saved by the bell."
Ivan managed to smile a little. "Yeah."
"Let's talk soon, okay? I'm getting worried about the two of you." Alex said before they parted ways.
The rest of Ivan's classes were uneventful, except for English which he shared with Michael. He had to stop himself from sneaking glances a few rows back where Michael was seated. He didn't know what was worse, getting ignored by the person you love, or him giving you a blank look every time your eyes met.
Later that afternoon, Ivan was leaning against Jesse's car door, waiting to get a ride home. He was looking at the box of chocolates in his hands when Jesse appeared.
"Dude, what you got there?" Jesse asked, his hands immediately on the box. Being used to his intrusiveness, Ivan let go and let Jesse examine it. "Jake's
really into you, huh?"
Ivan just shrugged. He didn't want to get into it with Jesse.
"Anyway, I come bearing good news." Jesse announced as he took a piece and ate it.
"Lemme guess. You're now an honorary member of the football team." Ivan retorted.
"Ha-ha. Anyway, I tried to brush on the subject of my little sex tape with them and they genuinely seem like they don't have any idea about who my co-star was."
"That's good." Ivan nodded.
"You don't sound like you're too happy about it."
Ivan shook his head. "No. Of course I am. At least we don't have to worry anymore about Andy going after us."
"So, what's up? You don't like me hanging out with them? Because it was just one lunch." Jesse prodded.
Ivan denied it right away. "Of course not. It's just—
Before he could finish, a car stopped by them and honked. It was Russ and in the car with him were other guys from the team. "Hey Jesse, we're having some beers over at Jake's. Why don't you hang out with us?"
Jesse looked at Ivan. He felt like he wanted to go but he couldn't really leave Ivan.
"You're welcome to join us too Ivan." Russ added.
Ivan looked at Russ and the other guys in the car. They looked sincere enough. He noticed the car behind Russ's and realized it was Jake's, which was also filled by some of their other friends. Jake caught his eye from the driver's seat and gave him an encouraging nod. He must have heard Russ's invitation. Jesse was looking at him expectantly.
"I can't, sorry." He said to everyone. "I'm piled up on schoolwork." He had to lie. He wasn't sure if he'd be comfortable in their company.
"Are you sure?" Jesse whispered. "It could be fun. It's going to be at Jake's."
Yet another reason why Ivan didn't want to go. He hadn't figured out yet what exactly was going on with him and Jake. He also didn't know how to act around Jake, especially with his teammates around. "No. You enjoy yourself though. I'll just catch another ride."
"I'll drive you home." Someone offered. It was Michael.
And that concludes Chapter 29. Sorry it took longer than I expected. Life happened. LOL. But what do you guys think about the story so far though? Have you ever felt like Ivan when he was sitting at the jocks' table? Feel free to email me with your thoughts or post it at the readers's page on FaceBook.
Thanks again to Mr. Dennis S for patiently editing my work. For those who aren't still members of the FaceBook readers' page, we have lots of room for you guys. If you want to join, here's the link: http://www.facebook.com/groups/ISBreaders/
Thanks! Keep on reading :)