I ONCE WAS LOST By YOUNG DAD
THE USUAL DISCLAIMERS APPLY HERE. IF YOU AREN'T OF LEGAL AGE (18 IN MOST AREAS) THEN PLEASE LEAVE. THIS STORY MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF SEX BETWEEN MALES. IF THAT BOTHERS YOU THEN PLEASE LEAVE. ALL TRADEMARKS ARE PROPERTY OF THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS. IF YOU ARE STILL READING THIS THEN...PREPARE TO ENJOY AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY.
I drove the last few miles down Hwy 501 in a daze. My thoughts had been foggy the whole trip but as I drew closer to my destination, I simply couldn't concentrate. My mind raced as I zipped across the bridge over the Intracoastal Waterway. I could smell the saltwater and I smiled for the first time since I left home this afternoon. "I'm almost there." I said to no one.
Then brake lights. Brake lights every-fucking-where. "What the hell is this?" I screamed at the car in front of me. I screamed it at the top of my lungs. I wanted everyone to know I was pissed!
There I was stuck in traffic. I didn't drive all this way, over 5 hours, to do what I had planned to do only to be held up by ROAD CONSTRUCTION! I crept along and stopped, crept and stopped. Unbelievable!
Talk about road rage, I could have easily killed someone at that moment which was ironic, considering the reason I was going to Myrtle Beach in the first place. I was close to completely losing it when traffic finally started rolling again. I shot a "Go to Hell" look to some moron in a construction hat and orange vest as I passed. He gave me the finger. I laughed to myself, "Fucking Dumbass". Traffic was pissing me off and it was hot and my air conditioner wasn't working. I rolled my windows down and watched, as discreetly as I could, the people in the cars surrounding mine. I laughed again, to no one but myself as I realized how much this moment was exactly like the movie Falling Down.
I mused about how many people in this country were walking around, teetering on that oh so thin line between sanity and insanity. Just one little moment or event and-oops! I figured it boiled down to just two groups, either people who had fallen into complacency, absorbed into monotony and desperately wanted a way out or people who one day, simply just had enough and snapped. I could understand first-hand the latter. I had my reasons for planning what I was going to do.
Traffic finally started rolling again at a reasonable pace and pretty soon I turned off onto Hwy 17 and encountered more traffic! I said screw it so I turned off onto a side street that led directly to the strip. I wanted an oceanfront room even it was in a roach motel. That's exactly what I got too.
The lady at the desk stared long and hard at me and then back at my fake driver's license. She stared again when I said I was alone but hey, this is Myrtle Beach and the kids usually do come here in packs during the summer. I really hoped I didn't see anyone I recognized.
I paid the lady, drove around to the parking lot which wasn't fucking big enough and grabbed my bag from the front seat. I stayed focused long enough to make it to my room even as a couple of hot looking boys nearly ran me over as I heard one say to the other something about meeting some bitches tonight.
I slammed my door shut and locked it, then sat my bag on the double bed. I walked over to the balcony and threw back the curtain, exposing the musty room to a splash of sunlight. I unlocked and slid open the glass door, stepping outside as I gazed up and down the beach, for nothing and no one in particular. I closed my eyes and listened to the waves breaking and the ever-present seagulls. Those damned seagulls. Occasionally I could hear laughter coming from the beach. The sun was still warm even in the late evening and it felt good.
My stomach growled and I realized I hadn't eaten since this morning. I needed a full stomach to do this job anyway, I reasoned with myself. I left the motel and walked a few blocks to some fast food joint. I super sized my order and even got an apple turnover. I thought I might as well enjoy it because I was never going to do this again.
I stepped outside with my bag of food and soda and sat at a table near the street. I watched the other kids walk past and I was jealous. I was jealous because they were happy and I was miserable. I was so damned choked with emotion I could barely eat. Every guy that walked by made my stomach churn. Every time 2 guys walked by together it made my heart ache. I knew they were probably straight and just friends but it least they had that. I wanted more but I couldn't have that, not now anyway. It was too late.
I stood up and looked around, momentarily in another mind-fog. I left my half eaten burger and fries scattered on the table and tried to clear my head as I walked up the street. I found a Red Dot store and bought a bottle of Jack Daniel's then walked slowly back to my room up on the 2nd floor of the original fleabag motel. It was better to do this drunk than sober I thought.
I took off my shirt and flung it into a chair in the corner. I opened the bottle and took a healthy slug. It burned going down and the cut on my lip stung like hell then I took another slug and another. I walked over to the sliding glass door and pressed my face up against it, leaving streaks made by my tears. I stood there a long time, taking sips from my bottle and trying hard to work up enough courage to do the unpleasant deed as I slipped slowly into inebriation.
Some time had passed and the effects of the booze were strong. I staggered over to the bed and opened up my bag, pulling out the two things I had brought with me; a box of bullets and my .44 Magnum. I don't know why I brought a whole box of ammo. I loaded a single bullet into the chamber and moved the safety to the off position. I took another drink of booze while I held onto the gun. I wished somehow I didn't have to do this but it was my only way out.
I sat on the carpeted floor in front of the glass door, which was open. I wept openly as the warm ocean breeze filled the room. I stared at nothing as I thought back to the day's events which led me up to this point.
The day had started off as any normal day would I guess. My name is Jesse Mayhew and I am a 19 yr old college student home for the summer. I share a room with my younger brother Jared who's 15. He's an ok brother and we pick on each other a lot but never really fight. He is a good looking kid and pretty well built. Thanks to him I have this really nifty split lip too, the bastard.
Anyway, since today is Saturday, that means it's yard day and Dad likes for us to get an early start so I mow the lawn and Jared trims the hedges and stuff like that. Almost immediately after we're done and back in the house, the phone rings and it's my best bud Tyler. He invites me to come over and hang awhile. I say ok, we hang up and I start to go upstairs to shower and change. It's almost 12 noon. Before I get up the stairs my Mom calls out that I have to be back by 2pm to take Jared to his ballgame since she and Dad are going to their friends' the Carter's for the evening to play cards or some bullshit like that. I tell her ok, I'll be back.
I shower and change and drive over to Tyler's. It's only 3 blocks and when I was kid I'd walk or ride my bike but I was too cool to do that now. I took my swimming trunks since I knew we'd eventually wind up at his pool. Sure enough, when he answered the door he had his swimming trunks on already and told me follow him on out back. He said his parents were gone until Sunday evening and he had the place to himself. I walked with him out to the pool and changed right there on the pool deck. The thing about Tyler's place was that the back yard was huge and wooded. They had a privacy fence surrounding it but they really didn't need it. The lots on either side were also owned by Tyler's parents so they had the biggest and quietest lot in their neighborhood.
I thought I saw Tyler rubbing his nuts and checking me out while I was changing but I didn't say anything. Most guys checked out the competition though, it was normal but lately, I had caught myself staring a bit too long at guys in the door at school and I had even visited some gay porn sites on the internet. I hadn't dated that much in high school and it seemed almost like a chore when I did. I hadn't dated at all so far in college, always using the excuse that I was studying.
I always thought that Tyler was a good looking dude but was I queering for my best friend? I had slowly come to the realization that I was probably gay. I knew I couldn't tell anyone right now, maybe after college and when I've moved out.
I figured I'd take the opportunity to kind of push the envelope with Tyler today. We made the usual jokes and kidded around like we always do but our joking and playing around turned a little bit sexual and soon I could actually feel the sexual tension building between us.
We went from playing around and making crude jokes to playing "grab-ass' and then to swimming naked and finally he dared me to suck his cock. Maybe it was the beers we had downed, maybe it was the heat or maybe we just finally admitted to ourselves there was more to our friendship than either of us had wanted to admit but we gave in to our desires and we stood, kissing in the pool when I told him yes, I would suck his cock. We got out and walked over to the beach towels we had spread out earlier. He laid down and opened his legs, I knelt down between them and gave him a wink as I started. I wasn't sure if I was doing it exactly right since this was the first bj I had ever given and I had been the recipient of one only twice. His moans of pleasure told me I must have been doing something right.
We were lost in the moment when suddenly I heard "Jesse!"
I whipped my head around and there stood Jared in his baseball uniform. A look of horror washed across Tyler's face as did mine I'm sure.
"Jared, this isn't wha..." I was cut off before I could finish.
"Fuck you and you too Tyler. Oh God, I can't believe my own brother is faggot. Dad is gonna kill your ass Jesse," he screamed.
I jumped up and grabbed my trunks. Jared took off before I could get them on.
"Jesse, I'm so sorry man. We shouldn't have done this," Tyler croaked.
"No Tyler, I'm glad we did it. Maybe we should have done in the house but I'm glad we did it. I'm just not ready to tell the world yet man."
I hugged him then grabbed up my clothes and started after Jared. I checked at home first, no sign. I tried the baseball field, nothing. I stopped a few of his friend's homes but he was nowhere to be seen. I finally went back home.
I found Jared in our room with his face buried deep into his pillow. He was crying hard. I sat down on his bed and placed my hand gently on his shoulder. He jumped up startled.
"Don't touch me Jesse, I mean it. I don't want your damned queer germs." He said menacingly. "Stop it right now Jared. We have to talk man," I said as I eased closer.
"Get away from me Jesse!" he yelled.
I saw the fist coming towards me but I couldn't move quickly enough. It connected with my bottom lip and I actually saw stars for a second.
"I saw you sucking his dick. You're a faggot and I don't want you in my room, now get out."
The little fuck was strong for his age and he tried to push me but I grabbed both his arms, spun him around and then slapped him hard to give him a taste of his own medicine. He ran out of the room cursing me. I stood there confused and angry about what had just transpired. I wanted to kill him but at the same time I wanted to tell him I was sorry for hitting him.
He called out from the hallway that he had the cordless phone and was calling our parents at the Carter's house. I freaked and ran towards him. He slammed the door closed and then I listened as he began to talk.
He told everything he had seen. I was outed to my parents. Pretty soon everybody would know. I started to sob at the door.
"Please Jared," I begged, "don't do this to me."
"Get away!"
"Please! Tell them you're sorry and you made it up. Please Jared. I'm sorry, I'm sooo sorry little brother." I sobbed.
"Go away faggot, Dad said I could call the cops. I'm doing it right now," he growled.
I wiped my eyes and ran to our room. I put on some jeans and a tee shirt. I ran back down the hallway and stopped at the bathroom door.
"Jared, I'm leaving. I'm sorry I hit you," I cried. It sounded like he was crying too.
"I don't have a brother anymore! You're dead Jesse!"
The words cut through to my very soul. The punch had hurt but those words were far more painful.
"I love you Jared," I whispered as I walked away.
I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom and opened up their closet door. I grabbed a box of ammo and the bag with Dad's gun in it. I ran outside to my car and drove away.
That's how I got to Myrtle Beach, that's why I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face, and that's why I'm holding this gun. I can't face my parents. It'll kill my Mom and my Dad would probably rather see me dead than admit he's got a gay son. I know Jared would rather see me dead. The only one in that whole lousy town I'm going to miss is Tyler. I'm going to miss him so much.
I sat there in an ever growing state of numbness as the sunlight slowly faded away. I took another long drink from the bottle. I stumbled out onto the balcony and looked one last time up and down the beach, a lot fewer people than before I noticed. I heard the waves still breaking on the shore and I still heard those damned seagulls. I concentrated on them. They almost seemed to be talking but what were they saying?
I stepped back inside the room and gave a quick glance around then I looked down at the gun, it glistened brightly even in the waning moments of daylight. I finished off the bottle and tossed it onto the bed. I involuntarily let out one last sob. I heard a clicking sound. What is that?
Get a grip Jesse. Stay focused. Stay in control.
I raised the gun, pulled the hammer back and raised it higher. I closed my eyes and then...a loud noise, a searing pain in my arm. I opened my eyes but I couldn't focus. Suddenly everything went black.
TO BE CONTINUED...