I Need You Tonight

Hmm...this one is more tame, but just for right now. Hope to see that there are still people reading it is all.

DISCLAIMER: Gay? That's a new one to me...

Chapter 8

The next morning, after the girl from last night left, I had somehow made it to the bathroom to puke. Too much alcohol and whatever the hell kind of sex we had just got to me. Not to mention Brian not believing me. Oh well. I looked in the mirror with one eye open. I groaned at my reflection. I looked like a drunken whore after Mardi Gras. Fucking beautiful. I washed my face off, getting the smeared make up off of my face. After a quick shower, I looked out my window to see Mandy and LeighAnne leaving to go `shop'. I waited a few minutes to see if Brian would follow. He didn't. I cursed loudly, finding some clothes to put on. I looked out the window again, sighing softly. Then it hit me hard, my breath catching in my throat; why should he believe me?

I mean, I hadn't given him a scrap of evidence as to why I should be trusted over LeighAnne. Me and Brian haven't talked in a couple of months, I hated LeighAnne's guts, and I always threw cold glances at Brian every chance I could get. The pit of my stomach seemed to fall to the ground as I remembered Brian talking to me in the club. I remembered him stutter and flinch every once in a while, looking downcast and close to tears. He looked like he even had to rehearse what he was saying. Brian really wanted to try and make it up to me and the first thing I do is pick a fight with him. I could have been calmer, more cool about it instead of losing my temper. Although I knew LeighAnne was cheating, I had to have proof before anyone could believe me. That would eventually come, but I had to work here and now on improving my life.

The past few nights had been drinking, having sex, and more drinking. I was wasting my life away. This Nick Carter mask truly wasn't working out. The more I tried to think myself into hating Brian, the harder I fell. I didn't know what to do now. I was stuck, and now I felt a familiar feeling wash over me. I felt like my older self. Not the self before realizing my love for Brian, but the self after. I was once again the foolish young boy pining for his best friend. I sagged my shoulders as I sat in an armchair, my face cradled in one hand. I was back where I started. I had done what few others had done; I had been able to be with the person they truly loved. Yet now I sit here with nothing at all to show for it. Nothing I could say or do could ever change the fact that I was in love with Brian. I just had to find a way to not get over it, but get past it. I needed someone to talk to, someone to relate to. Someone I could trust completely and who had some history on what I was feeling. I scanned through possibilities, each one more feeble than the next. Brian and AJ were out. Brian, for obvious reasons, and AJ because...well, I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing my feelings about Brian in front of someone who cared about me.

That was also a weird feeling. AJ liking me. It really was flattering, it's just that I hoped with all my might it was only a crush and nothing more. No one needed to feel the pain I feel every waking hour for one split second. Amanda wasn't right, since she's never really fallen for her best friend. Kevin couldn`t possibly understand. Then I thought of Joey and Howie. I trusted Joey and all, I just always felt closer to Howie than to her since I've known him longer than any of the other guys. It was Howie who introduced me to AJ at the talent show auditions in the first place. Howie had fallen for Joey, his once best friend, and was pronounced gay back then. How awkward for a guy. I also remembered for the short time in history when he and Joey broke up. He must have some idea of how I feel. I raced to Howie's room in a sprint, intent on talking here and now. Lucky for me Joey and Amanda had went shopping, leaving Howie alone. He seemed puzzled to see me, but perked up when I said I needed his advice.

"How can Howie help you, oh young one?" He joked, closing his eyes. I laughed, slapping him gently on the face.

"I have more relationship problems for you, my good man."

"Oh, so you want to have sex with Mandy again, isn't it?" He laughed hard as I threw a pillow at his fat head.

"My God. I'd rather have sex with Tyke than her." I laughed again, laying down on the bed.

"Seriously, what's wrong Nick?"

"Well, the thing is...You know what happened in the hotel, right?"

"I was there. I don't have an evil twin."

"Sarcasm, I love it."

"Continue, please."

"Well, he approached me in the bar and apologized for not showing up."

"The problem is..."

"I was eavesdropping on LeighAnne and Mandy in the bathroom and...."

"How did you do that?"

"There was a hole there..."

"A hole?"

"Yeah, a hole, listen..."

"What pervert would do that..."

"Howie! It's not important!" I yelled at him. He shut up quickly.

"They were discussing LeighAnne cheating on Brian."

"Oh my God, are you serious?"

"No, I'm not. Yes stupid. I told him, and he said I was a liar and we had a fight."

"I don't blame him."

"For fighting with me?" I asked incredulously.

"No, for not believing you. I mean, let's say you were in Brian's shoes. He has a wife, you act like you hate his guts, and when he talks to you that's one of the first things you bring up." At least we're on the same page.

"That's what I thought too. It's just...now I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried forgetting, I've tried getting over him, I've tried becoming a whole new person. I don't know who to be or what to think anymore. I know I can't be with him, I know I don't want to keep feeling this way."

"Of course you don't. Who would?"

"It's just...Now I wish we could have just stayed friends."

"Ah, that old story. You see Nick, when you get involved with your best friend, there's only two ways to go; Major commitment, or major break-up. You got the latter part." The guy was right, at least from my own experiences. But...

"Why are Amanda and AJ friends again, huh?" I felt I had him cornered.

"Cause they weren't best friends before they got together." Well, shit. Looks like he was right again. I made a small `ah' sound of realization.

"So, what can I do, Howie?" Howie sighed deeply, thinking to himself. He spoke slowly, deliberately, and I hung on to his every word.

"Simply stop being someone else. Just don't feel as if you have to hide anything. I believe you when you say LeighAnne is cheating, but Brian isn't going to believe anything until you can prove to him that you're trustworthy. LeighAnne...Stop fighting with her. I know it's going to be hard, but you don't need to cut her down to show that you're better than her. You're a good person, Nick, and I think you're trying to hard to be something you're not. For your own sake, just try to be honest. Go ahead and tell Brian you're still in love. Tell him how you feel and why you feel that way. Don't expect him to give you answers while you're yelling at him or not talking to him. Ask him why he did what he did. Doesn't that sound a lot easier to do?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. The truth was just laid out to me, but I still felt as if he was asking way too much out of me. I wasn't strong; not then, and especially not now. He lifted my face towards his.

"If I can forgive you for turning your back on me when I came out to you guys, then I'm sure you can forgive Brian." The words processed in my mind. He was absolutely right. Even so, I still wondered how I was going to face him now.

"What do I do now then?" I asked Howie with a new sort of respect.

"Let fate decide. Now, I know AJ's not busy, and he wanted to go with you somewhere today. Get your cute little ass down there and go have some fun."

"Little?" I asked, acting insulted.

"Whatever size you want to call it." He hugged me. Just when we were walking out, Howie stopped me.

"Uh, Nick. Something was bothering me. The morning we talked before this tour you said that Brian was the one you...lost your virginity to. If that's true, and it was after the both of you got together, then you're mistaken. Wasn't the threesome where you lost your virginity?" I felt myself go red in the face and I stared at the floor, shuffling my feet.

"Um, technically it was the threesome, but um, I felt like it was Brian who lost my virginity. At least in my own mind. I know it sounds pathetic, but it's true." He simply smiled at me and hugged me hard again. I took the moment of separation to leave. So there I stood in the hallway, trying to take everything in. I suppose an afternoon hanging with AJ wouldn't be too bad. I sauntered down the hall, rapping on his door. I heard a muffled `hold on' and soon AJ was at the door.

"Hey McLean. Heard you wanted to hang out, so here I am!" I said happily. He smiled a bit, but closed the door halfway as if to hide something. He lowered his voice.

"This may not be the best time. You see, Brian was bored and we were going to go watch a Basketball game..."

"And?" I asked. He looked at me funny, cocking his head.

"Were you drunk last night?" He asked suspiciously, checking my eyes for drowsiness. I laughed, pushing the door back.

"Of course not. I had one shot and that's it." I walked into the door, spotting Brian laying across the carpet, next to a set up monopoly board. I plopped down opposite, smiling shyly. His eyes opened wide, the shifted as if he were pondering whether to be mad, upset, or just plain giddy too. AJ broke the ice.

"Uh, Nick wanted to go with us today, Brian. Do you mind?" AJ asked rather timidly.

"I don't care." He said quietly, becoming obsessed with straightening his properties.

"Well, get up and let's get going already!" AJ shouted, clapping his hands and going towards the door. We followed quietly. Shutting the door behind us.